We suffer more often in imagination than reality -Seneca

My life always improved after a break up.

GF: Jocko I’m breaking up with you. Jocko: Good.

Dropped and cut out of her life after 2 years. Gentlemen, don’t lose faith in love. Love didn’t hurt you. Someone who didn’t know what love was hurt you.

I fell in love a a toxic woman one time and I realized that if you spend long enough and try hard enough to get inside the mind of a crazy chick it will in fact make you crazy....don't ignore the red flags gentleman.

I'm in shock. Just goin through a breakup after 13 fuckin years!!!! Its 2:16 am, cant sleep. Floppin and tossin in bed. Jump on the phone and this was recommended. Unreal. Thank you Jocko!!! And Echo!

"You are feeling the pain of losing something that was not real." Man, that is wise.

My girl left me yesterday for another dude while I’m abroad on internship. Been listening to this on repeat the whole day. Love to all my brothers in pain ❤️

Breakup? Cheated on? Walked out on? Good! More time for growth.

I’ve been depressed for almost a year after she left me. I couldn’t believe someone who I dated for 5 years left me just like that and now doesn’t give a stuff about me. Listen and believe in Jocko, it gets better. I’m now working out 5 days a week improving myself. I know it’s hard to do, but cut contact and move on.

The dude she dumped me for pumped and dumped her. I bought a house 6 month's after that and she came back begging me to take her back. Told her she can come back in my life when hell freezes over. Life is beautiful now. Don't give up gents. Just work on yourself and only invest love in your children and God. Don't worship fake idols aka women. You will be alright.

Its really important that you don't jump from relationship to relationship. That's just a temporary bandaid. Its better to heal your issues and figure yourself out. DO NOT be a time bomb and blast someone's life to pieces like someone did to you.

Convert breakups to push-ups.

It’s crazy how much fuel you have inside of you when the person you used to love leaves you.

Take this in: 'A woman's weapon is vindictiveness; a man's weapon is indifference." Women, for clear biological reasons, have to be completely ruthless about choosing their mates. There is no arguing with this. It is just nature. As the rejected male you have to accept that you must accept your fate. Once she has decided, that really is it. Pleading on your part will only make you even more pathetic in her eyes and reinforce her view that she made the right decision. So what to do? Answer: Match her in ruthlessness. No, surpass her in ruthlessness. Use the male weapon of indifference. OK, you will have to 'act' the part for a while. However, if you keep acting it and you will soon master the role. Don't look back; don't stalk her; she's gone... and move on. Just one word of warning. The moment the acting pays off and you have finally erased her from your conscious memory, one thing is sure to happen. She will call you or email you. She is just checking in on your supposed 'misery.' Ignore it and bin it. Now she is somebody else's nightmare. Pray for him.

This "you remember the memory of her" is way too real. I was stuck thinking "damn I lost a good one" then I talked to her and realized she was bad on so many levels that I was lucky to get out of that one. Jocko is spitting straight facts

Just got the call that it’s over two days ago. I knew it was coming though. End of a four year run. Been here before. No pain, no gain. To anyone else in the same shoes - time to level up.

Let the fantasy go.

Thank you for this video. I'm 26 years old, and I decided to break up with my girlfriend about 4 months ago after a 4-year relationship. There were many reasons, but the main trigger was that I turned down a very good job opportunity for her and then I really regretted it after realising that she didn't appreciate what I had done. Even though it was my decision, the last few months have been the toughest of my entire life. However, I'm convinced now that it was the right decision and that it's way better to have made it now than in 5 years time, since we don't have any attachments (no house together, no marriage, no kids), and there are a lot of possibilities opening up in front of me right now. So, if you're reading this and you find yourself in a similar situation, I just have 3 words for you: ROCK AND ROLL.

Just got out of a 3 1/2 year relationship. Feels like she left at my lowest point. I was overweight, mental health was declining, and it was hard to work with my schedule. Hit the gym and lost forty pounds, bought a new car, and now moving cities. Still feel depressed though because of the pain she caused but I’m trying to move forward. Keep grinding gents💪🏽

Got broken up a month ago, immediately entered the gym going like 6 days a week. The gym makes everything better.

"She's not what you built up of her in your mind". Well said, our perception and expectations of people and who they are often don't match. If she was what the guy hoped she would be, they'd likely be together. It's hard to move on when attached, but this advice really helps to do what's necessary

i feel for the people going through this. I've been there. One thing i would say is hit the gym and get healthy. Don't forget to work on your soul too. Learn to be at peace with yourself and others. Learn to not be judgmental towards people and learn to love life. You can die any day, would you want to die with regrets/sadness?(hopefully thats a no). Forgive your ex, don't hate. Yes be disappointed but don't give hate space in your heart. Forgive and let go and keep walking onto better and beautiful things. Go for walks, meditate and love yourself. Understand that no one can validate you but you(cant stress this enough). If you want to cry, do it but don't stay there. Better yourself financially, physically and spiritually(in terms of your inner being and what not). Take this time to really self reflect and learn how to not be dependent on a partner for your happiness or your identity. The comeback will be stronger my beautiful people. Yall got this. And remember to be kind to people you meet for we are all fighting a battle out here. Much love

I came out of a 3 year relationship where my ex gf left + I had no money to my name + my best friend of 20 years decided to backstab me. I went to the gym straight for one whole year. It helped me not just physically but mentally as well. I always tell friends & family that if it wasn't for the gym that I would have probably ended up way worse. Hence why I tell people who are suffering from a break up or just life in general to always go out and exercise & focus on your health. A healthy lifestyle & a healthy mindset will pull you out of any darkness.

One thing I can say. Falling in love is dangerous. It feels good when you’re in it but hurts like hell if they leave. Just think about that for a second... my goodness

(STORY TIME) Dealt with a break up 2 months ago and I put myself in a dark place. I've completely lost my way and I had no motivation to do anything. It was just work, sleep, over and over again. Pizza hut was my best friend. I thought of countless ways to try and get her back and right when I thought of the "best solution", my buddy of mine told me she was with someone else. BEST BELIEVE THAT KICKED MY ASS. But you know what? In the peak of all this emotional chaos, not 1 tear came down. Not one complaint came out of my mouth. I've realized this person does not care about me anymore like they use too and their is nothing I can do to change that. I got up and took my ass straight into the gym the same day. Been consistent since then and I'm currently prepping for a bodybuilding show. (Its been 2 years since i last completed) Ladies, fellas, just because 1 thing ends doesnt mean you stop. It's time for you to take back your life. It's time for you to realize the best moments of your life starts now. I've stayed away from social media to prep myself for this competition and I'm loving every second of it. People are asking me where I've been or what I'm doing but i answer vaguely. "Nothing". I'm keeping everybody guessing even her. BEST BELIEVE this comeback is gonna go down in MY BOOK for the rest of my life. This is for me and only me. Thank you Jocko and echo for putting me on the path. LETS GET AFTER IT!

Being 17 listening to this is actually helping me a lot

Don’t need “perfect”. Just Honesty and Loyalty. The reality I’ve learned over the years is that the vast majority of women line up your replacement long before she ends it. She breaks up with you months before you even know it, or even know there’s a problem. The lack of integrity and morals in most women these days is astounding.

15 years and getting divorced. Been going crazy then god sends you guys and gals. Also sent jocko .I'm going to keep the faith I'm 45 years old and a cancer survivor.. god bless everyone and be safe.

Im looking at a break up after 7 years , and this comes out at the right moment, thanks jocko.

I got cheated on by my highschool sweetheart and fiance when I was overseas the first time. I was in the darkest hole I had ever been in at the time. Ultimately it took me looking at myself and convincing myself that it was her loss and not mine, I worked on myself alot more and realized that she just wasnt the one for me, and that there are plenty of fish in the sea for me. Now it still gets me down because I loved her more than anything, but all that taught me was to not create the fake perfect person in my mind the next time around. Then I found another girl who in many ways was better than my ex and when she cheated, I wasnt even that upset, I told her that it's over and that's that and I wish her the best. It took me a whole year to realize that I'm just young and I have my whole life ahead of me without this girl.

Damn. I needed this. 2 weeks into a break up. For those who had to look something like this up (like me) we will get through. 🙏🏽

She isn’t the person you thought she was

Was married 10 yrs to my highschool sweet heart, have two beautiful girls together. My Ex cheated and had another child, my girls and i haven't heard from her in years. Its hard at times but I got the absolute best parts of my marriage and moved on. My girls 12 and 8 are my best friends and we kick ass together, they both wrestle and we train our butts off in the gym. We use our misfortune as fuel, i choose to be very thankful instead of bitter. Jocko speaks the truth

“She’s not the perfect person you built in your mind “ Fr tho!

Getting yourself distracted after a breakup is so important, after breakups in the past ive rediscovered myself. Sometimes i reflect on those things and remind myself to keep my individuality and continue to pursue my own interests while in a relationship. Its harder to keep up with hobbies because a relationship satisfies so much of your social needs and free time. remember to take yourself out, practice your shooting skills, your martial arts, your sewing, etc.

this came at right time, thanks jocko

“A lot of times the pain that we feel isn’t based on the reality it’s based on the fantasy”

Ex keeps messaging me and bothering me, won't let me go. She cheated and she won't leave me alone. Today instead of waking up crying I put ear buds in and shadow boxes and did some old muay thai drills I've learned for an hr. Now watching this feel great. I recommend working out for a lil then watching this. Thanks jocko and echo. My father died when I was 2 , so these kinds of people are my guidance.

1:33 “The pain that we feel isn’t the reality, it’s based on the fantasy.” This actually left my mouth hung open for a bit. POOOF, epiphany, so much weight off my shoulders. I focused so much on what I wanted with him, because of how good our present was, I thought the future would be even brighter with him. I’m not mourning because I lost him, I’m mourning the idea and fairy tale of him.

Yes, when we get ditched, then the person we loved did not exist. She may have pretended to be someone she wasn’t, and we believed the lie. We have to grieve the loss and not suppress it. If we only suppress it, it grows within us and gets worse, and is harsher each time it resurfaces. When we humbly admit that “I was lied to, and I bit the bait”, then grieve the loss, then we can move on. We become wiser. Thank you for covering this topic.

*She’s not your girl, it’s just your turn.*

Developing an abundance mindset is the best thing i have done. I was in the same boat, got caught up in who i thought my ex was. In reality, she was a mean and toxic person and was holding me back with poor lifestyle choices, lack of ambition and bitterness. When you realise you cant change people, it becomes easier to just let go.

Not sure how KZfaq knew I needed this video, but I'm so glad it was on my home page. This sister needed to hear all of this. I think it's time to get back to kickboxing and fully committing to my business again. What hit me hard was: "The person you built in your mind doesn't actually exist. The pain that we feel isn't based on reality; it's based on the fantasy, so you're feeling the pain of losing something that wasn't real. So let the fantasy go." And damn if that's not the fucking truth. Time to get back after it.

This reminds me of the best advice I've ever heard from the tv show mad men " People tell you who they are, but we ignore it - because we want them to be who we want them to be". When I first heard this I didn't believe it, I thought I knew the people around me and my SO at the time. But What I didn't realize was that I wasn't listening to what people were saying, I was letting my emotions guide how and what I did for people. It took me a long time to swallow that pill and as a result I see how true it is. People tell you by actions and words who they are and the best way to decide who is in your life is to listen to them.

I know this video is directed towards men but as a woman who has just come out of a 10 year relationship and had someone treat her as if shes nothing, this has helped ♡ warrior mentality can be for women too so if any gals are watching - you got this xo

I went through this before, work out and work on yourself. Show her that you’re better off without her. Improve your physique, improve your mental strength. Do squats, do dead lifts. When you see results, you’ll forget about her. Trust me. I became the sexiest guy on campus after a break up. This was from someone I slept with. After that I had the best senior year of my life. Good luck!

Shouts out the this comment section for helping all heartbroken soldiers out!!!

"Aw man me and Jennifer broke up last night" "Sweet man lets roll!"🤣

This came at the right time

Man, I am going through this 2 days now and I am hurting so bad. I appreciate you Jocko, and all the kind comments I am reading on here. 7 years together, we got together at a very unhealthy time in my life and we have been through a lot, but the last year has declined quickly, very unhealthy attitudes.

I'm 30 an still single. A blessing and a curse.....patience is key..

20 year marriage ended 7 months ago. This is absolutely the TRUTH! Make the best individual in yourself as possible. Only you are responsible for your happiness. God bless!

I swear this is the first time in my life where I watched a video and felt instant relief. in the grand scheme of things none of this shit really matters.

“Find something better than fantasy” Thanks man

This guy passed through this, and came out as a greater man. I'll follow him, I want to be a great man too.

the girl who i thought was perfect & who i built up in my mind turned out to be kind of crazy. she did me a favor by breaking up with me. i met my now wife shortly there after. my wife just happens to have the same name of my exe. God has a funny sense of humor since i often prayed that "Mary would be the one" haha little did I know that 10 years & 3 babies later, that turned out to be true. It Will Get Better. Cry, Yell, rub one out, Get up, Get out. Go live your life.

Needed this bad. Using my pain and heartache as motivation to become much better! The worst thing you can do is give up, you’ll get to a point where you rebuild your confidence and mindset, and it’ll attract someone better to your life. Something I thought about yesterday was “there’s billions of people on earth, why let one person destroy your life”. Just keep moving forward and don’t stop, I’m starting my journey now as well’

Today’s Valentine’s Day, I have been thinking of my ex like crazy. My brain can’t let go this 7 years relationship. I have no friends to help me go through the hard time. This video appeared to be what I really need right now. Thanks.

Every breakup has made me MUCH STRONGER.... still love and miss my ex been near a year but I'm on a diff level now much better off than I was with her I don't regret it at all glad it happened.. went from ass credit to excellent credit... went from drinking and getting high daily to sober near a year and owning my own house

needed to hear this my girlfriend broke up with me almost a year ago now and I'm still struggling

My girlfriend and I broke up two days ago after our 6 month long intense relationship. It was mutual, but she couldn't handle commitment and we have been long distance for 2 months along with our own personal career goals. It still hurts a lot, but I stumbled upon this video and rewatch it every time these fantasy thoughts enter my mind. Being self aware is almost impossible after a breakup, but this video helps keep you on the right track to better yourself and you. It will get better with each day and although it may not seem like it, there are a lot of people that will support you through this difficult time.

I’ve learned that pushing emotions to the side isn’t the way to go, you have to feel them and assess what’s going on inside and take control of it, feel your emotions but don’t lose yourself

Note to the guy who wrote in: I'm a civilian, haven't been in the military, obviously haven't been on a deployment That being said, I've had girls dump me, I've had them dump me by text message, and voice mail So I understand that piece of the pain I worked with a Navy sub A-gang guy who told me this s*** is SUPER common returning from deployment - so you're not alone Remember, the way people treat us really speaks to themselves, and not us. And the fact that you're asking these questions from Jocko makes me think that your head is actually in the right place on this - "how do I adapt/cope/grow" vs. "poor me - I got screwed" All the same, it's a bite of the shit sandwich to go thru...

Unfollow your ex, even if on good terms

Holy shit man. You're exactly right jocko!! I got stuck on a chick because i only knew her as the fake sweet, caring person she pretended to be but she's literally been the most selfish mean person I've ever been involved with. And i was stuck on her, taking her back a few times and she always ended up the same. It's hard to realize who they really are so it's good to hear it like this

2:12 - getting distracted with productive things, is always the way, as mensioned by Alan Watts! 2:59 no person is perfect 4:05 anger towards the past ain't something too bad 4:39 everybody faces this ex-girl/ex-guy problem 6:00 the young-seal-jocko response towards break ups 6:35 fall or rise 9:00 the parent-jocko response towards break ups PS: This was probably one of the best, funniest, and most honest relationship videos I've seen. Lol, maybe have 1 podcast episode about marriage & relationships from Jocko's perspective

The other breakup video really helped man. That "shes a liar and not the fantasy that you built up" and it really helped man.

Can you imagine picking up a girl and Jocko opens the front door....

What he said at 0:52 is so true. In your head you create this fantasy of her. It's just a concept in your mind, a fictional character, vaguely based on the real girl. To let go of this girl, I came up with a trick that worked great for me: I detached the fictional girl from the real girl, by treating them as two distinct entities. I had a nickname for her and now I reserved that nickname for the fictional girl, while the real girl was only called by her actual first name (all in my head). And so I can still have positive thoughts about this lovely fictional girl I fell in love with, without attaching myself any longer to the real girl. I let the real one go, but kept the fiction in my heart.

“You are feeling the pain over losing something that wasn’t real” Damn that hit me hard

Focus on yourself, deal with the emotions as they come, and kick em out when they stay too long. Never loose sight of yourself-keep busy. Though it's simple with discipline it's not easy, Jocko is correct. Thank you for your podcast Jocko and Echo and thank you Echo for the question. It was a legit question-I was curious.

Warrior mentality when dealing with skinny KNEES

It's the second time I am dealing with breakups, and I am hearing this again, knowing exactly what Jock is going to say, but it feels good... Just needed to hear this again. Thanks, Jocko.

Q: Did you ever get your heart broken? A: Negative. Lmao. Gotta love Jocko

I got broken up with a few months ago, 7 years of my life down the drain. I needed to hear this

Perfectly Answered Brother!! The girl was a selfish non being to begin with! Best Advice ever!!! Drink Water, Drive On!!!

this hits home, my last break up she literally told me she was pretending to be someone she thought i wanted and obviously as time goes the real person is revealed

“Get after it” = Get after life. Life is all we have. And there’s no such thing as perfect. There is such a thing as “The Perfect Fit.”

Men: make your life a mission. Only include those who help you accomplish your mission. Hint: most women will only interfere with your objectives.

Nike need to hire Jocko for a "Just do it" campaign

When I get knocked down in the healing process I always come back to this vid.

After 4 years my ex came out as a lesbian and destroyed me. Going out and socializing, hitting the gym and being with my family is the best way to get through this for me rn.

You had said this in another breakup video, and it was so spot on. That we build a fantasy in our minds, that the person that broke up with us isn't at all how we built her up in our minds. Even knowing it rationally, it's still feels real, especially when that breakup is raw and new. Like echo said, it's also dopamine related and all. I think one of the reasons, is that as men, when we finally commit (and that can take a while), we tend to see the positive and mostly the positive of the woma(e)n we care about, and in the breakup for some strange reason that is even accentuated.

This an epic "week of Valentine's Day" message..... Thank you gentlemen

His statement about “she didn’t exist, the sweet person you built her to be” is the most truest shit ever like my jaw is on the floor. Fuck man I’m about to conquer this life this man showed me the light.

3 years since splitting with my sons mum and still have to watch this,

Thanks Jocko. Today marks around 8 months of me dealing with a sudden breakup. Did some professional certifications in between... Now better.

My partner for 10 years left me 2 weeks ago for another man. She told me a lot of things like, she doesn’t love me just like before and it totally wrecked me. Indeed, nothing will shock you more than the uncertainty and because I still loved her. I am completely clueless. I was so busy grinding for my career/ work and law school improving myself for our future. Not realizing she doesn’t love me anymore. I pity myself and I just can’t still accept up to this point.

This is so needed. I was in 2 year relationship where I was cheated on. I was way too much of a pushover and she found someone who treated her negatively. I realized I need to change and that she was never the person I thought she was. Just cry it out, dry off your tears and try your best to work on yourself to prepare for the next relationship.

I needed this! Almost 2 years since she left me with no closure or explanation.... My heart is still shattered but this video helps a lot!

You can do 2 things whenever your heart is broken, you can let it keep you down in the darkness and consume your thoughts, you can give in to it. Or, you can use it a fuel to grow and be better, you can use it as motivation to persevere over the pain someone brought you. I promise you option 2 is the best path, because the pain hurts like hell, trust me I’m going through it right now myself. But I refuse to let it keep me down!

The message that your ex is not perfect is a really good one, the message that all breakups occur because the other person was toxic is a really bad one. Sometimes people are just incompatible, and a real mark of your own maturity is your ability to recognize and be at peace with this. There doesn't always have to be fault or a bad person involved when we're just incompatible. Sometimes our own emotions trick us as discussed in this video, but blaming the other person for that is incredibly weak behavior.

0:48 This whole part about the person we build in our mind being a fantasy actually helped me so much

Been watching dozens of videos and IT WASNT REAL is almost all that I really needed to hear

This was the best break up advice I’ve found and I feel soo much better after hearing this. Thank you!

Going through a heartbreak at the moment, and needed to hear this. Thanks!

Still struggling because she is gone. I know Jocko is a tremendous man and warrior. But these words are just words (at least for now) to me. Best of luck to those who are still sad and struggling.

Fewer Girlfriends = more discipline = more freedom

Breakups are tough man and can haunt you if messy. I'm happily married with a beautiful family, but a relationship that I ended 14 years ago still plagues me to this day. Had a whirlwind relationship with a girl I met in Ibiza, but she lived in England whearas I was in Ireland. We got on so well, and were back and forth to each other a lot over the course of 2 months, by which time I was completely flat broke which stressed me the hell out. Had no savings and missed multiple load payments. Worked a very low paying job, where I got a weekend off every 10 weeks or more so I convinced myself it couldn't work. It still seems crazy to this day that I let the previous issues change my opionion on the relationship and that I was able to switch my brain into a dark mode where I was willing so say whatever shit to end it, as I knew she would desperately try to twist my arm to keep going. Both of us were confused by what I was saying as it was pretty harsh and I made the relationship out to be nothing when we got on so well. Needless to say it was a terrible decision and we never spoke again. She was the sweetest person and I wanted to make it up to her, but was so immature and ashamed by what I'd done, I couldn't bring myself to contact her as much as I wanted to. This breakup deeply affected me for years as I'd never broken up with someone I still had feelings for and I believe it aided me going into a depressed state a couple of years later, before I met my future wife and things turned around. I still find it hard to believe that I let a job I hated and little bit of financial difficulty ruin what could of been an amazing relationship. Oh how I'd wished I knew at least one person at the time who could of spun a positive light on it so I would of packed my bags and moved off to england. Maybe it still wouldn't have worked out but it would have been worth the risk. Even to this day I'd love to apoligise to her and heard anthony robbins say in one of his seminars recently that you should do it, so maybe I will one day.