my first word was “mother my human form is limiting”

when i was almost one my mom got mad at me for throwing away her sweets. then i said "my dearest mother, those sweets are not healthy." Those were my first words. She started crying tears of joy and then everybody from our apartment building came in and clapped. Later, my mom died from natural causes and i was adopted by obama.

So my son woke me up one night, in tears. I asked him why and he said, "why do people lie on the internet for clout instead of finding a hobby that could benefit mankind?" And then everyone in the starbucks clapped and the manager got arrested.

You can recognize a lie immediately when someone says “everyone started clapping” or something similar

I’m 5 years old and my 57 year old son just said his first words, he said, “Minecraft good Fortnite bad”! I can’t believe it, he’s only 57

"Pull the plug!" "She's not on life support." "Then put her on life support and then pull the plug!!"

My daughters first words were literally "For me, despair is not a goal, or a set of principles, or a lifestyle, or even an instinct... It's what defines me-” Couldn’t be happier, even if she didn’t finish the sentence. I can tell little Junko will grow up to help so many people

My three month old sister just asked our mom “mother, why does everybody on the internet lie about things their children say for attention?” It was so amazing because I don’t even have a sister!

'I'm as naked as the day I was born' Kurtis was born with a chain and a nose piercing confirmed

well *ACTUALLY* my kids first words were “hey what’s up you guys, if you’re new to my channel, what’s up how’s it going?, and if you’re coming back what’s up? how’s it going? it’s very good to see you again.”

My 2 year old son was at a mcdonalds and the cashier told my son he's stupid and my son said "You made a mistake mortal, you do not know my power. I can invert your organs with my finger, I can destroy your life with moving my tiny eyes, your spine will collapse in 30 seconds if you do not apologize and give me the entire store for free.". Then everyone started clapping 😊

My sister did “technically” not talk until she was able to say phrases and names and shit, but it’s not like she was just brain dead for three years and then suddenly acquired the knowledge to speak sentences and stuff. She just didn’t like talking

Today my 1 year old finally spoke, his words were "We live in a society-"

Yesterday my little son told me in the middle of the night, “mother, why do people tell lies? Do they want approval from other people? Do they want to make laugh? Why? People should only lie with wholesome intentions.” My son was 3 days old

I love how, like, it could have been super easily explained that like, "i honestly just never put it together," or, "I'm not really familiar with how Zip Codes work" could have worked. I'm 23 and I barely know my own home address...but then they jump the shark and go the amnesia route. It's perfect

One time my mom was pregnant with me and the hospital gave her epidural, so she was a little loopy. Well she popped the baby out and when she was signing the documents as far as what name would be, I yelled and told her “Think of the consequences before you write anything down lady.”

I texted Kurtis Conner and he texted me back and said I'm *his hero*

“I’m as nakey as the day I was born!” Kurtis was born with a necklace and a nose ring

Today my paralysed deaf blind mute autistic premature 2 day old niece said her first word today (a miracle blessing from God). She said “phone bad book good” and started handing pancakes to homeless people on the floor after a hurricane while telling them to get jobs like the legless man who was using a book as an umbrella. Such an inspiring story ❤️ ❤️

Wait until you watch "the disastrous life of Saiki kusuo", he was teleporting to shop groceries when 1 year old. In fact, he started talking when he was 1 month old. Its his parents writing these posts.

I’m 14 years old and my 16 year old daughter just said her first words after I gave her her first beer and she said “The government is corrupt” she’s only 5

“I think I would... be murdered if I didn’t do the extra greeting” ain’t that the truth

15:15 The first story (the yes I can one) honestly could be true. There are stories of kids who don’t talk until they’re older. Sometimes it’s because their parents fight a lot or sometimes because they just aren’t ready to talk. But they can talk in full sentences because they listen to others talking

My 8 month old daughter watched this video and looked me Dea in the eyes and said "babf bawn vook cnoo" 😭😭😭I'm so proud

“I think I’d be murdered if I didn’t do an extra greeting.” You got that right #kurtisconnerisoverparty

My first words as a baby were "comrade, let's abolish the government."

I 100% believe the baby praying at the sodas at 16:22, kids that age with really christian parents do some weird religious shit all the time because the parents always cheer them on, plus the prayer sounded very much like those of some of the kids I used to babysit. In my mom's church there was a 4 or 5 year old that became known as being blessed with healing energy by god because he mimicked the mannerisms the pastor had for healing prayers on his own. Kids are very observant and love to mimick behaviour.

When my brother was -4 he came up to me crying, and when I asked him what was wrong he said that I'm on my phone too much. And then he turned into a whale and my dog ate him. I fed my phone to the dog and then he came back alive and everyone clapped. So the lesson is don't be on your phone too much also feed it to your dog.

the eye bit made me cry so hard that a whole bus drove past and clapped

“There are no security cameras in schools” *Cries in American*

Kurtis seems like the type of person to wash his hair with a bar of soap and have it still look awesome

I would have believed the "I'll go to work for you" one if it was said by a 5 year old but a 1 year old?

Oh my god👏My 1 day old child just sang Rap God by Eminem and everybody in the hospital clapped😜👏👏👏👏👏👏

when your baby's first sentence is the declaration of independence

kurtis missing the satire on the second one and doing a play by play rant was the funniest thing ever 😭🫶🏽

This still slaps 4 years later. Thank you Kurt 🙏

“Put her on life support and pull the plug” I’m using this as a threat

me: *wakes up from surgery* me: where's kurtis? doctor: who do you think gave you the extra greeting? me: :,(

I live for this man’s glow up 🥲. Chill ik he just grew out his hair and mustache 😂 but still.

9:35 that my wife reference joke didnt age well lol

My babies first word was actually “The Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell”

My 1 year old daughter just said her first words! She rapped the entire Hamilton musical! And she did the choreography! And the entire country started clapping! Then some government agents came and took her away for testing or something. Hopefully they'll give her back at some point.

There are two types of learning to speak (but not like literal first words necessarily): kids who want to get the pronunication right and say single words, and those who get whole sentences out (with the caviat that probably only the parents understand them)

One time I was singing in the bathroom in my school. I thought that I was alone but there was a bully in the stall next to the mirror who got on top of it and recorded me singing and post it on (insert social media) everybody in the school saw it and when they saw be the next day they started clapping and praising me saying how talented I was. Then Obama came over and offered me to sing at the white House. This took place in 2014 Now, I'm doja cat

My baby's first words were "What's up, how's it goin?" And his second words were "What's up, how's it goin?" Then everyone in Kurtistown clapped

that kid praying at the pibb cross really took "and i pray to my fountain of slush" to a whole new level

It drives me crazy to see these kinds of lies because most of them I can think of a way to tell basically the same story and have it more be way more convincing. These people lie and they aren't even GOOD at it

My brothers first words were: *"Mother I would greatly appreciate if you would buy a baked good with lots of carbohydrates shaped as a circle please."*

kurtis: **literally forgets his intro** also kurtis: oh yeah i need to go back to my roots

4 years ago and still slaps

I love how some people think nobody will suspect a thing

*girl wakes up after surgery* “where’s kurtis conner?” “he didn’t tell you?” “what?” “who do you think gave you the facetune eyes?”

My baby’s first words were: The fitness gram pacer test is a multi stage aerobic capacity test...

my mom always told me that i started talking later than most kids, but when i did i was speaking full sentences. granted, they werent as profound and exquisite as the ones in the video, and i think its an autism thing, but still

I HATE those social media accounts that literally survive off of using a filter, but what i hate even more is the ones that do that, but defend the filter and try to prove its not a filter but that they have some sort of abnormality even though it's obviously a filter.

Omg my 2 month old actually started babbling so i took out my camera and recorded her and she said "A 3.5-ounce (100-gram) serving of chicken breast provides 165 calories, 31 grams of protein and 3.6 grams of fat (1). That means that approximately 80% of the calories in chicken breast come from protein, and 20% come from fat." im such a proud mama!! unfortunately i tripped over frozen gluten free pancake mix and my phone flew out my hands and all the way to ibiza so its a shame i lost the video but im still a proud mama!

Me first words were " According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. "

Not talking can be a sign of autism. My sister is an autistic perfectionist and she did this with her first words (I don’t remember what they were). She also wouldn’t walk until she could run. And she was much older than other kids were when they started talking, I think like 3

Actually, most schools do have security. Although not elementary schools, some hallways/back of the school areas have cameras, there’s usually only 1 or 2 security guards however, and they aren’t always at the computer, sometimes they’ll greet students in the office, or make sure nobody skips a class, break up fights, or kind of exist for the hell of it. Have a good day y’all! 😊

No one: Kurtis when he makes a bad joke:😎🤟🔥😏

when my kid was a month old she recited the entire Bill Of Rights and the Constitution, and then obama showed up and awarded her the noble peace prize. kids are the greatest haha.

i woke up from my deep sleep just to hear my 100 year old speak his first words!!!!! "mother i find it dehumanizing to feed these strange white fluids we call "breast milk" into children's mouths. This is very disturbing to me and i would appreciate if I could feed myself and be independent. i believe that this would benefit my perseverance and prepare me for my near future as a independent man. I appreciate you taking the time to listen to this speech and I do hope you consider this proposal. " he's only 7 seconds old!!!🥺🥺🥺

My puppy just told me “how do we feel love? Are emotions real? We all exist for a reason? Right?” And then started to rap the entirety of every will wood song, my puppy is one day old.

My baby's first word was: "I'm proud to be born in Kurtistown"

Yesterday I heard my grandma say: “yo shawty wanna hit a lick?” And I was like “yo hell ya” Then we both snorted a massive amount of cocaine and my step grandpas ashes! Let me tell you...that lady knows how to yodel!

When I was -1 I told my mom “mother, Speech is a human vocal communication using language. Each language uses phonetic combinations of vowel and consonant sounds that form the sound of its words (that is, all English words sound different from all French words, even if they are the same word, e.g., "role" or "hotel"), and using those words in their semantic character as words in the lexicon of a language according to the syntactic constraints that govern lexical words' function in a sentence. In speaking, speakers perform many different intentional speech acts, e.g., informing, declaring, asking, persuading, directing, and can use enunciation, intonation, degrees of loudness, tempo, and other non-representational or paralinguistic aspects of vocalization to convey meaning. In their speech, speakers also unintentionally communicate many aspects of their social position such as sex, age, place of origin (through accent), physical states (alertness and sleepiness, vigor or weakness, health or illness), psychological states (emotions or moods), physico-psychological states (sobriety or drunkenness, normal consciousness and trance states), education or experience, and the like.“ Then the people on the plane flying towards our building started clapping

My child’s first word was the entirety of “Godzilla” by Eminem.

I just picked up my dog from the shelter and I tried to take a picture of him with my phone and he said “mother, we don’t need smart phones. Just be in the moment

"Pull the plug!" "Shes not even on life support. There is no plug to pull." "Then put her on life support and pull the plug." One of my favorite lines, probably ever

Some schools do have cameras and security guards. I went to a high school in Ohio that had so many students and a lot of "bad kids" so there were multiple security guards per floor. Was kinda crazy... Students would straight up get arrested and taken out during school.

the section about kids not talking until they could form sentences is a real thing- my parents say I did it. I refused to say anything beyond their names for so long they almost brought me to speech therapy. Then (according to my parents) I one day woke up and started using full sentences

When Kurtis forgot the folks and the extra greeting: :( When Editing Kurtis remembered: :)

You know, Kurtis is so generous with his extra greetings. But do we, residents of Kurtistown, ever reciprocate our mayor’s kindness? No. So, Kurtis... What’s up? How are you? I hope you’re doing well, dude.

the only security camera i’ve seen in a classroom was when my math teacher was fired for accusations of sexualizing a minor, so if that’s the case that school needs help

once my plushies came to life and i hugged them all day. one of them came up to me and asked, "mother may I please consume a pop tart for sustenance?" and i said "nooo thats unhealthy" then they had a violent seizure and an eagle came into my room carrying a kangaroo. the kangaroo started singing Rap God by Eminem. it was 1482 and the industrial revolution was happening in my closet.

“Put her on life support and pull the plug!” - kurtis conner 2019

Im 12 and my 14 year old son said his first words. They were "the cure for cancer is..." He didn't get to finish bc he died. He turns 15 this month. Ima get him a motorcycle.

10:59 people do sometimes have cameras in classrooms, but my school has cameras literally everywhere else. I don't know why, but there are cameras in every room (even outdoors) just not the classrooms.

once had a girl in biology back in high school tell the whole class when we learned about cones and rods in our eyes that hers must retract into her eyeballs randomly since she sometimes can only see in black and white or loses vision entirely. the teacher was like... huh.

When Kurtis is so disoriented after tour that he almost forgets the extra greeting

Gimme hot dog and iPad. 𝐵𝐼𝑇𝐶𝐻.

10:47 THIS HAS BEEN ON MY PINTEREST FEED SO MUCH, THANK YOU FOR POINTING IT OUT

my school had security cameras in all classes and hallways but no audio attached to any. they only really looked at them if something was reported or an incident occurred (someone leaves the building in the middle of class, etc) they even had vape detectors in bathrooms

So basicly my wife just gave birth to our hour old child and in the hospital he recited the entire book of the art of war and a bus behind us clapped like my hour year old knows this

Mom:he’s saying his first word Baby:m-m-mitochondria is the power house of the cell

Thank you for your use of the proper name for the stuff that kid was praying to. It’s pop. Thank you.

4:52 I been to an aquarium where you can pet sharks,it was really fun and the sharks were pretty chill

"oh my God, pull the plug" "Wh... She's not even on life support, she-" "WELL THEN PUT HER ON LIFE SUPPORT AND PULL THE PLUG"

My sweetie’s first words were: “My mommy, Karen, is the prettiest, most bestest mommy in the world! *_ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴠᴀᴄᴄɪɴᴀᴛᴇ ᴍᴇ... I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴀsʟᴇs, ᴀɴᴅ I’ᴍ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪᴇ_* .” I was going to disown her, but she died before I got the chance to.

My son just said "Mama" and "Mee-yewk", as in "Mother! Get me some milk, now!!" I thought it was very appropriate and cute as hell. LOL

12:54 i love how he didnt even take the chain off

“Pull the plug!” “She’s not on life support” “Then put her on life support and pull the plug!” 😂 😂 😂

imagine if kurtis' middle name was fred. his initials would be kfc

3:11 I love how obvious this moment makes the fact that Kurtis just got back from a nation-wide tour with Danny and Drew, cause that aggressive pointing and baby talk is such Danny humour I love it

Guys her eyes are obviously just from a surgery from a bad accident she had when she was 7 like it's a bit obvious y'all smh

Fun Fact about Kurtis: He was born wearing a nose ring and a necklace.

All of the schools I’ve been to (in England) have had cameras in the classrooms incase of students fighting ( could involve knives ), drug use/vaping, vandalism, theft and that sort of stuff

my first kid, as soon as he came out the womb, said the abcs backward, did a quadruple backflip, managed to figure out the end of pi, and won 5682101184389187565187465938 emmy's, then he revived JFK

I still can't believe how hilarious this dude is "Pull the plug" "She isn't on life support, there's no plug to pull" "Well put her on life support and then pull the plug"

no cap my mom was yelling at the delivery man and my dog physically said, "only I can yell at them!" and proceeded to transform into cinderella. All the dogs in the neighborhood escaped and barked in approval.