for 9 minutes and 38 seconds I didn't feel alone...and I felt like someone else understood how raw-scary-scattered-and empty it is to be me. Thank you.

But your smile is adorably cute. Why would you hate it?

The abstract description, reminds me of when i feel like a passive watcher seeing other moves forward and one self feel stuck , stagnating.The feeling of emptiness that turns into sadness.Thank you for sharing you'r feelings and thoughts.

I can totally relate to this. The metaphone with the boats going further away and progressing while you're stuck, the creepling emptiness, so pervasive. i FEEL you, boy. I can't help thinking that there are so many interesting people out there I could be spending my time with, and yet I'm surrounded by people that don't give a shit that don't deserve my presence, they don't appreciate it.

I understand absolutely everything you say. EVERYTHING! All your metaphors and analogies, all your pauses as you grip for the right description of your emotions as you search to find them yourself. I understand the quickness to love, be loved and connect but know it cannot be real but only end in hurt(severe pain). Instead, we'll push it from our minds and meet it when it comes; like the loneliness we still feel and know then, as well as the loneliness that will come until it doesn't after that person is gone. I understand the isolation we love so much that covers us warm like a blanket, until it doesn't.I ride my bike. I usually ride at night with no destination and feel the wind on my face and the pedaling of my legs and the freedom I feel to be so small in the big world by myself, while everyone is sleeping!! I feel that I can enjoy my own presence in those moments. You know?

This is a 6 year old vid. God I feel your pain so intensely.. and I want to squeeze u give u a hug which is crazy.. but thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings..

I teared up watching this video because I can see the pain in your eyes. But I see more than just your pain. And it hurts my heart because I see you as this amazing person with a rare and beautiful soul and I know you can't see that in yourself. I'm a borderline too. I've felt the loneliness taking me over. I know there's nothing I could say to help. So I'm just going to leave this comment to let you know that you are never alone. I see so much hope and beauty in your existence. I know you are strong and are going to be ok.

Absolutely love the videos. They actually help me and calm me down and take me from a level 5 down to a 2 or 3. That and well... other things. But keep it up with the great work!

I stumbled across this video in your playlist and right away, even though it was a video, I could feel your energy and sadness, and it hit me like a ton of bricks (I use analogies too). A lot of the things you were saying were so close to home for me, and I saw a lot of what I do when I am sad, minimizing and apologizing for bringing everyone down. I admit I cried while watching. All I want to say is that I love you, you are an amazing person and thank you for showing me I am not so alone.

I've traveled down this road MANY times (as recently as a few days ago). Thank you so much for sharing your pain because in some weird way it helps to know I'm not alone in my own pain. Hugs to you. I love you.

I think that you've done a wonderful job explaining yourself in this video. Thank you for your honestly.

you are so real, and raw and i feel that i can relate. thanx

Thanks for posting this. It helped me watching a smart, strong guy have a rough day. Makes me feel that I may be okay and still be allowed to break occasionally.

Thank you for your honesty. This video means a lot. I wish I could find the words to express how I feel, but then I guess you've found them for me. Thank you a thousand times over, it makes me feel just a tiny bit less alone and lost.

Woah man! This is beautiful. You have a real talent to turn some energy into something great like this video.

your videos help me so much. and this one in particular just explained my mood lately to a tee. I feel so alone at the moment and I just don't sleep at all. and it seems like even the people closest to me don't fully understand it. particularly my "girlfriend". and whenever i try to pick myself up I just fall right back down again and then all these worst case scenarios run through my head like a really depressing movie where its the bad guy who wins. thank you so much for this video :).

Thank you for your videos. Its nice to know I'm not alone with my BPD. You comfort me when nothing and no one else can. Thank you so much. Please keep up the good work. You do make a huge difference in the world. Be proud of yourself. you are a beautiful person.

So selfless of you. I admire you so much for posting this. I have been pushing people away a lot lately, and feeling so lonely myself. After watching this, I don't feel so alone in the world.

Love you for the courage to talk to us all about this. You are not alone. And u r amazing.

wow i was just browsing youtube & came across your videos. The way u describe everyone on this ship that's sailing away as u stand on the shoreline is a perfect analogy 4 how i've felt several times myself. I've actually had dreams where i'm trying 2 pack 4 a trip & never get all my stuff ready in time. My entire family gets on a plane and i'm left behind. so i know exactly what u meant when u posted this video. u r doin something. ur helpin others feel better with ur video's. Thanks 4 posting:)

Hi. Thank you for your videos. I literally looked at your eyes and felt the feeling of loneliness you are talking about and I'm crying while watching you. I really don't know what to do with my life and everyday I keep asking myself about it.

It's good to see the authentically down experiences you have as well, because we all know it's a part of the whole BPD package. Thank you for your honesty and bravery! Bless you!

You are an honest person and I completely understand and identify with you. I appreciate your candor/ realness. You are doing a great thing with these videos. Thank you so much!!!

Thank you so much for your videos Bas. My best friend has BPD and it's been really difficult for me to keep his friendship. Your videos are very helpful in understanding him and be able to be the for him in the most useful way.

You made perfect since to me, so much that I actually shed tears. Watching and listening to you was like hearing my on voice while looking in a mirror. You give me hope through this video today, I know now no matter how black it gets, Im not a lone warrior on this battlefield. There is one other out there that feels so much the same things, that when they speak, I shed tears from the echo of their words off my tired, confused mind,heart and soul ....someone DOES UNDERSTAND! I am NOT alone!!

I so get what you say! I totally feel the feelings you describe, and have for many, many years. I can be in a crowd or people who seem to be friendly and caring, but I feel alone and disconnected. On the surface, I can appear "normal" and happy, but deep down I feel like a failure and hopeless. I am trying to deal with this as best I can. So, thank you for sharing your struggle.

Thank you for this video...and all your videos. They make me feel less alone. I've often used the same metaphore of watching the ship and everyone on it sail away...and me left standing there feeling like they all know something that I don't. I've spent so many years trying to figure out what is wrong with me and I still don't know...but I do know that deep inside I'm an awesome person. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and experiences :-)

Thanks man. I can't tell you how comforting it is to know that there are other people (real people) who have the same thoughts and feelings and frustrations that I do. I have diagnosed BPD too. Just, thank you.

You are brave to expose yourself like this. I always have my "armor on" (Blue Oyster Cult- Veterans of psychic wars). I'm sorry you were feeling bad that day, but thank you for sharing, and reaching out.

i really like to here you talk :) your videos never make me deppressed , they actually make me feel like i am not alone with my feelings, that are sooo much like yours, and then i dont feel alone thanks you are a beautiful person, really....

I think it is great that you put your feelings on video. I can definitely see expressing yourself on video and sharing it being a good tool, one of many that can help heal. On the subject of loneliness... i can relate that to myself in the past. I was indeed completely alone without any support. I established my worth i decided to do a lot of work on myself. I decided what kind of treatment to accept from people in my life. I ended up understanding that sometimes when people dont meet my expectations that its very possible that the way the person is behaving has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with them. It's not always a question of my self worth, but a way the have been conditioned to being, and that has nothing to do with my self worth. I decided that certain people should not be in my life, because i deserve to be better, and be treated like the person/human being I am. I did some reading on oxytocin, mirroring, dissociation, self love, letting shit go, reincarnation, balance. I learned that ying and yang balance one another, and that neither one needs to be suppressed but only balanced with the other, the forces need to work together, not fight eacother. Through learning to eventually love my inner self i became capable of building and maintaining real relationships with others, that were not based on conditional love, jealousy, spite, and all the other negative things, but instead on unconditional love, respect for each others space and boundaries, caring, balancing the giving with the taking. I also made sure to know to avoid red flags so I can know only people that were also capable of relating and love, so i dont repeat the same life lessons. I wanna tell you that through effort to feel better, small progress keeps getting made and you will crawl out of that hole. When i was in that hole i kept saying there IS light at the end of this tunnel, I knew eventually it'll feel better. Most of the time the progress felt non existing but looking in retrospect it was only how it looked from that end. Through doing lots of reading about various subjects i listed and through that eventually understanding how shit worked on this Earth planet, I finally have been able to unisolate myself. Grain by grain its possible. Like I said its great that you did this video. It's healing to express it, and then its also healing to share it and get different perspectives back as well.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you are feeling hopeful and happier. Your video touched me. I just found out today I have bpd and ptsd... alot of crying, but I just kinda knew... ne ways great videos. You give me hope. God bless.

Hi there, I hope you are feeling better. For my surprise I totally relate with you. From the anxiety stemming from not being able to stand up to my angry father (during childhood) to the feeling of great loneliness. I want you to know that you are truly appreciated not just by me, but by the many people who feel like us that are watching your videos. Thanks for letting me know that other people feel like I do, that I am not alone in this. You are loved, I hope you find happiness and peace.

I have never watched a video on bpd. and felt the persons pain, and yet, their connection with me, the viewer. Powerful stuff, when he shares, thank you.

"The loneliness blows in your face. It's just there" "You get use to it" .... perfectly stated. (Tears)

very inspiring because I also suffer from depression (unfortunately unedicated D:) and have trouble sleeping as well. I tried the shower thing and it really worked. thank you so much for giving me a more healthy coping mechanism that actually works for me. BTW, I wish you would make more videos like this (personal videos of just talking), it is really great getting more insight about you as a person, you are really interesting and listening to you is so relaxing :)

well its 5am & have been in the pretty much same situation whole night (except the self harm part) and ur video just brought me back from that weird word......good to see u sharing ur feelings:) just remember apart from all those people who caused u pain, there r people who can realize & feel it the same way u do so be happy & keep sharing:) Though am responding almost after an year, nevermind:D

These videos help my relationship with my boyfriend. It's really awesome. Today I'm having those empty feelings. I'm lucky to have such a supportive, wonderful boyfriend. This site helps me cope with my loneliness so that I can be somewhat sane when my boyfriend comes home from work. Thank you so much.

Hi....just new to your channel.....looking for help in understanding my daughter's BPD....this really helps and I've seen a couple of your newer ones so it is encouraging. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.

"Everyone is on a ship that is sailing away and I'm just too late..." Oh, my god. That's EXACTLY how I feel. Thanks for posting these videos. I know I'm not the only one in the world with BPD, but sometimes it feels like it.

thank you for leaving this up...very brave....i just found you and i think you are just amazing to have taken the power generated by BPD and focused it on a site dedicated to those of us who lack that focus. i have struggled my entire life and i am extremely lonely....i am just so glad to have found you. thank you man,

Thank you...I get it...I've seen your other videos where you're feeling better; it was nice to know that I am not the only one in the world who has those days. Thank you for sharing this other side.

you spoke my mind, i know exactly how you are feeling... keep strong HUGZ x

I'm in the same boat as you in this video. And it makes me feel so much better just hearing you say these things...

Hey Bas how you doing? Ok i was just browing thorugh all hte videos for information of BPD when I cam across your videos i couldnt resist i watched it all. And this is my second fav video after your song. Thank you so much for uploading i could relate myself to each and every emotions as i am feeling the same too right now.Anyways thanks

I know that feeling i have it today which is why i tubed this, and my heart went out to see you this way, especially a guy who does so much honest work to help people you've never met like me, Watching this, I know what my friends mean when they say im self critical and down and they tell me what i'm not too homophobic to say to you now:"ÿou're a good lookin fella Bas!". Dont let BPD will tell you otherwise, you just look sad is all

I have quite a few of these on my iPad and it is almost identical. I can NEVER look at them... sometimes I delete them. You're so brave to upload them. It is almost like I am looking at myself. Word for Word, the way I correct myself, the looks in your eyes. Damn! Very brave.

This video is great, I would never have believed I could hear and see such a mirror image. This helps me see myself more clearly. Hope you are doing better in 2012.. Hold strong.and Thank you.

Thank you for this video. It has been very helpful to me. I have a friend who I am absolutely crazy about but who has BPD. I have been trying to understand how to respond/cope with her as our friendship develops. She is an awesome and inspiring individual, but sometimes it gets so hard for me..

u are a brave guy for putting it all out there, awesome thanks

Soul Gripping & real.............no cheesy cliche here, however find this truthfully beautiful and real. Thank you for sharing! Inspiring .......... please know you have a beautiful soul and are a rare species of awesomeness. :)

i can completely related to ur metaphor. i have actually used that exact same metaphor, basically word for word. lol right now im in the stages of being diagnosed with whatever is going on with me. i at the very least have BPD tendencies. i also can identify with other things u were talking about. like someone else mentioned it was like wow i dont feel alone. someone else feels that way! thank u for sharing this and ur other videos.

WE'RE NOT ALONE BUT WE FEEL LIKE WE ARE. TOGETHER WE ARE NOT ALONE! REMEMBER YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONE! I STRUGGLE WITH REMEMBERING THAT EVERYDAY AND I KNOW ITS NOT EASY I KNOW. ITS HARD TO FIND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS HOW TO DEAL WITH IT INSTEAD OF TELLING YOU TO GET OVER IT AND STOP BEING A BABY. AFTER WATCHING THE 5 FACES OF BPD I WAS LIKE "FINALLY SOMEONE KNOWS ABOUT THE VOICES IM DEALING WITH! IVE FOUND SOMEONE WHO CAN EXPLAIN THIS!!" LETS STAND TOGETHER AND FIGHT THIS!! IT WONT BE EASY BUT I HAVE A BIT MORE FAITH THAT THERES HOPE FOR ME, YOU, EVERYONE THATS GOING THROUGH THIS! MY HOPES AND THOUGHTS THAT THINGS GET BETTER FOR YOU IS STRONG AND I HOPE YOU FEEL THE SAME FOR ME TOO.

why havent i found you sooner? appreciate u sharing with your experiences

When you talk about the part of people being on a boat and leaving you on the island. It really hit me. Reminded me of something I wrote back in 2009, I'll message ya, something I can't just let anyone see *blush* lol.

I feel so tired just like you, I spend most of time justifying and defending my emotions just to end up at square one. I hate making mistakes when I speak too- studied translation- It makes me feel so stupid! so I remain quiet. I'm always observing/controlling myself with others, so ppl won't notice how effed up I am. It is exhausting. I'm sad because it's seems like I'll never be free of heart and I know without this, being with someone will be impossible. thx for sharing & thx for reading

You are very brave and make a lot of good to a lot of people.

...cont'd...I just want to let you know that watching this particular video was like a great big hug for me. Thank you for being so brave in sharing yourself and your confusion...maybe all of us are on our own ship together going into the sunlight...but are not, through illness and fear and sadness and lonliness, allowed to remove our blindfolds to see we are not alone? or not ;) what do I know. Regardless, thank you for you! And I do hope you slept better that night :) Sincerely Keri

Wow, this video made me tear up. Don't worry, you didn't depress me! lol. I teared up because I could relate to so much of what you were saying. From 6:08 to 6:45, it's like it was me talking. I wish I would have subscribed to you sooner, because it's so nice to listen to someone that knows so much about what you're going through. It's also nice when you give tips on how to work on certain things. Thanks so much for opening a little bit of your heart and mind to us. -Cheryl

When you speak I hear the words of my heart pouring out of your mouth. You are not alone in your loneliness.

today felt like the loneliest day of my life and yet after watching this video I don't feel all that lonely anymore. Thank you so much. Can you please talk about emotional openness? i have trouble disclosing my thoughts and feeling with people...

I am really sorry that you feel that way... the only thing that has ever helped me was to see that i was whole and complete within myself. Accepting that nothing and nobody outside of me was ever suppose to complete me or make me happy and visa versa.

Thank u for sharing this side of yourself.

and the truth is when people see someone so sincerely talking about his weakness are actually self healing, i guess empathizing , and even feel charmed . all the while you think that you shouldn't bring them down, and you feel guilty, when they are actually happy that you're being this way, sincere , true, a human being.

Wow that hits the heart hard. I get this so much it's painful.

Thank you for this video. I so admire your courage and strength. I too have battled with many of the feelings that you've described. I use to say that I felt like a big, helium balloon floating around in the sky with no real roots or foundation. I hope you were able to work out whatever issue you were battling with at the time of this video. Also, I would like to say that I think you are so handsome. Hope you don't mind. Wishing you many blessings!!!

You should do more of these. Personal sort of videos. I think they are very nice and I love getting to know you as a person. :D I love your videos!! :D

Eye opener for sure. I always look at guys acting all macho and insensitive but thanks to your video i now know that guys are humans after all and they also experience emotional turmoil. You just chased away my depression :) hope you are doing better now

I am so happy I found you. Today I am depressed and very alone. My husband is deplpyed and go figure when we talk I have to find a reason to fight with him =( then later have no idea what I even said or emailed him while in a fury. =( I'm on lamictal and praying it helps me. Please keep up with your video's only people who have this can UNDERSTAND this.

@rosenatalie14 Hi Natt! Thank you SOOO much for your comment!! It even made me smile while I thought that I couldn't! So thank you Natt! :D

Silly, you did not look bad... I really like the honesty and admire your boldness!!!

thank you very much for sharing this! it is very valuable :-)

I relate to your video. When I am lonely I feel like I don't exist. I need other people to breathe, and yet I don't want anyone to see me less than perfect. I've also allowed myself to fall in love with inappropriate people because I want the distraction, makes me feel alive, and if it turns out that they like me too, then I feel like I'm ok, I'm not as bad as I thought. And even though I have these feelings of love and they are real to me and last forever I know the intentions were false.

hi Bas. I'm yet another who understands how much all of these feelings hurt you ...and in turn feel so grateful that you understand me (though obviously you don't know me). The lonliness and the fear are so overwhelming! I am in the middle of this crisis feeling now myself....which feels like the millionth time, and very well could be. I have yet to know who I truly am and who loves me or ever will. I have spent my whole life wanting closeness and understanding and help but feeling rejected...

I have been watching your vids for a couple of hours now.... I am 27 yrs old and I am suffering from this BPD.... With no help at all. Everyday is a struggle.... Idk what to do anymore....

my girlfriend have bpd but a very mild one cuse shes been trough therapy but she still have a very hard time now and then and your videos have helped me understanding how she feels and how I can handle it. I love her by all my heart and we are going to get engaged soon and I just want to thank you for sharing your experiences with this diagnose:)

dont no quite how to start have been living with bpd not noing all the answers but now i can see how it affects all of us in all most the same way i have struggled all my life with fitting in i have never really developed many coping skills and im constantly feeling alone just wanted to say you thank you for helping me understand more

Wow, your videos remind me so much of a series of videos I made and never had the guts to post! BPD is soooo hard to live with, but there are ways. Hang on in there, one day the coping will just come naturally, you wont even have to think about it any more. It's perfectly fine to love yourself, even if your mind tells you it is wrong :)

RESPECT. thank you for posting!!!

I believe you have great courage to do this. I wish to do this myself

i relate to the boat thing. i feel i didnt catch my boat or my train................i relate to you and i feel like hugging u and hold u. greetings from denmark

I feel you soo much. American female in San Fransisco. When I'm good, I'm good, but like right now, I fear my future. "Loneliness addiction" is soo true. Not in a good way. Wish I could accept friendships again.

I know exactly what your feeling at this time and the loneliness you suddenly realize when you look around and no ones there. I just try to ignore it, go for a walk or drive somewhere.. It is extra hard I moved from a place where I knew everyone to a place where I don't and still have no friends here after 6 months. But on ward I try. Always.

Don't be sorry for saying how you feel... Loneliness such a big word !!! But its a monster when that word shows into us... The ones who feels loneliness understand perfectly what you are saying in this video ... When we talk about what are we feeling in the moment helps a lot cuz if we don't do that it can be worse ... I got your point and thank you for doin the videos Im a BPD and I hope God show me the way that I can continue walking this journey =) have a good day my friend & keep goin ♥

Man, you are a good looking bloke and could act as Matt Damon's very convincing body double / doppelganger. Me? People literally killed my confidence for years ridiculing my looks and a girl I really liked tore out my heart. Then I realized that there's more out there (with anti-depressants and therapy) and the cnuts were just projecting their insecurities on to me. You are not alone mate. You have the virtual internet community.

I know the feeling. I get excited at first, I may even let it go on a month. I find hope in the smallest connection and may even acknowledge the person's flaws, think, maybe this could be a healthy relationship. Then I realize it isn't possible. Sometimes it's even the second date when my mind finds something incompatible with the situation, and sometimes he recognizes a serious problem in me, even if he can't pinpoint it. And it's over. This is why I have 3 dogs.

omg waarom herken ik mezelf in jou -.- ik ben gediagnosteerd met low level borderline dus in ontwikkeling ik ben nog maar 19 jaar en word in april 20 ik heb daarbij adhd/add en theatrale persoonlijkheids stoornis in ontwikkeling ik weet hoe vermoeiend het allemaal is.. pff ik heb respect voor je dat je dit allemaal filmt ik heb er best wel veel aan.. en ik denk echt dat het ooit allemaal goed komt met ons.. groetjes

Everyone goes through disappointments and losses, but when us folks with bpd go through these things, its just a lot harder. I feel similarly, people don't think I'm lonely because they see a very beautiful woman. You can have anyone you want, they say. But they don't know about my inner suffering. You will be okay, we all will. We will learn to have healthy relationships and find the right person, it just takes time. Oh and I don't mean to sound creepy but your smile is very cute, good luck!

Your right therapy is often the most important path to recovery. My problems are entirely a chemical imbalance. Therapy didn't do much for me (I had a great childhood and besides depression I have had a great life). But Medication + Rigorous Daily Exercise + Much Better Diet (cut out caffeine) and absolutely no Alcohol has made a tremendous difference in the past year since I made the first comment. Most importantly >>> Don't drink, it makes it worse.

How can u say u look like shit?? You are absolutely gorgeous!! And you are never alone..you have your youtube followers, that may not seem like much in a sense, but I know I'll be here for you if u need anything at all..I know that lonely feeling all too well also, mine having alot to do with my circumstances..no car..stuck in my apt all day everyday..no stores or anything within walking distance to where I live..not many friends, being depressed, having anxiety, always feeling overwhelmed..blah

I have been going through a lot of intense and painful BPD episodes during the past year and still waiting for professional help. Whenever I felt self-destructive, empty and alone I would just play this or anything else by this amazing guy and it would help me breathe again--watch?v=4hDrPzJuIM4 (not in any way affiliated with the artist) Take care, Matt

Hey man, Good work on making this video - I know this stuff can be hard to talk about, and I hope it helped to get it off your chest. You can never be sure about whether or not things will work out with this girl. After all, whether or not she likes you is her decision, not yours! So even if you're convinced she won't like you, she might have different ideas. ;) Love is *always* complicated, so don't beat yourself up about it. And remember: even when you're feeling lonely, you are not alone. L x

*hugs* That was so sad, It made me want to hug my computer screen and tell it everything is going to be ok.... yeah I know, weird right? O_o I hope your doing ok and getting better. I see myself in this video but it bothers me more because some one else is hurting.

I don't feel alone when I watch your videos, I never met any one you feels the same as me before

I know what you mean when you refer to the moments of intense feelings of hoplessness and helplessness that sweep over the mind. I had this happen to me twice today. The second time it happened I really felt I simply could not go a while lifetime having these bouts of self-defeat, and , so, I thought suicide, and looked at my " tieing knots " app and looked at how to tie a hangmans noose, revelimg in it. Though I am scared of suicide, I cannot take a life time of this thinking !

Your videos are great. Water showers are good. Everything is made from energy same as the Suns particles which hit us all day and they pass through things. You can also tap into this energetic shower of electrons with your mind which operates and is built on the same things. Imagine a space in the top of your head opens up and imagine rays of golden light passing right through and taking away all negative energies and thoughts with it. Many will knock this, but we are energy formed into matter.

The many thoughts are overwhelming. It's hard to do anything. Hang in there, you're never alone, share when you need to, we are listening.

no worries mate...loneliness is very common problem of many many people also young people. But nobody speaks about it. You need to know that you are not alone. It is just shame that these people can not connect between each other as they don't know about themselves. I feel same kind of loneliness, it is loneliness as fuck, the worst ever.. BUT ...on the other hand I am always thinking about what I have, about my creativity and I do something that shows some results and eventually I won't be alone later on as my projects will bring fun into my life and attracts right people. (of course I have many friends, but I live in different country so I am literally an immigrant at the moment and I don't have many friends here unfortunatelly as they were going back to my country) I have spent last 6 years with a woman she had some kind of personality disorder and it was so frustrating and draining, so I kind of enjoy being alone now, as rather to be alone than with the wrong person around you as that can make you eventualy mental. Work on your projects as you do and you will attract right people into your life. Trust me. Believe in yourself. Good luck with whatever you do. Cheers ..Tom

Glad you shared brother..

since I was a little kid I used to have nightmares of the city being empty. everyone had left. I knock at doors desperately, but not a single soul has remained, no one has waited for me. they had all left me behind.