It's better to be single and wish you were married than be married and wish you were single.

Never leave a marriage for your lover, leave because you can no longer stand life with the person you married, only then can you make life changes that lead to a better future for all conserned.

You are better off being single than staying with someone who is evil and secretly causing confusion and instability in your life

love is like a flower, attachment is like a plastic flower...it looks like a flower but it's not alive

The day my parents got a divorce it made my life way better. I had to deal with them yelling and screaming at each other every single day. Although it was weird at first, things got so much better because I didn't have to deal with this trauma. You can't just put everyone into the same box.

Love yourself and you'll never be abandoned.

Dont want anyone staying with me out of pity.

Lets be honest a great deal of people marry the wrong person and for the wrong reasons, then you cross paths with the one, things happen organically. You feel it in your spirit theres a degree of knowing, but you don't want to hurt the one you are with. Thats not reason enough to stay. We need to stop jumping into marriage just to be married, grow up, mature and be wiser in making a life long decision.

It’s not that your first wife was your “soulmate”, she probably wasn’t but you spent a many number of years with this person, raised children together, built a life together. She is familiar and safe. This is why you return, especially if you are later in life. We all feel safe in the familiar even if they are not your true soulmate.

I was sally sue for 6 years. I am so ashamed of myself. I since wish I could turn back time and get my self esteem back. It was my choice. I gave up my life for 6 years . Everything this man says is 100% true. Anyone here who thinks a married man is going to make your life better, you are lying to yourself. I did love him but I always knew I was not going to be with him. I accepted this crap. I can’t blame him. It was my fault too. For any women who thinks this is going to work out... you are wrong ! Believe me. 6 years of my life down the toilet along with a little bit of my mental health . Please move! Xx

Sometimes divorce can affect kids in a good way if one of the parents is abusive and won't change....

I’ve watched a few of these as a conflicted object of a married woman’s limerence, and I have to say I greatly appreciate how you ground this wisdom. It’s in no way judgmental. You lay out what’s going on and why you know it, and then you leave it to the viewer to decide. There’s really no better way to do it. Thank you for caring about your fellow man enough to work to help others learn from your mistakes.

Great respect to Alice, your wife, for taking you back. Many women would have lost all faith and trust and said, "Good riddance!"

Please do a video about why you went back to your wife. I’m interested in knowing what led you back to her and how she was able to forgive you!

This helped me so much.God must heal our spouses who treat us wrong,ignore us,walk away from us.They must know that ill treating your spouse will open room for the devil to destroy the other.Thanks again you saving lives.

It happens. Sometimes people get married just because of a kid, or some other non-love reason. Just be honest...with whomever. If a man/woman really did not want to cheat...they would ignore advances and would not look twice at another person. Period.

I stop the affair because iwas afraid that i would one day hate my affair partner for ruining my marriage

What about a case of domestic violence?Pls don't stay in a bad marriage just bc of kids.The kids need peace too.That's not a conducive ground for the kids...Trust me.Better separated and happy,than married,sad and miserable.

Experience is really a good teacher. Thank you for sharing

I'm in that situation. I'm divorced to my husband the father of my kids with whom i was together for 10 years. Now i'm with my lover for 13 years and i'm much happier with my lover than i ever was with my husband.

Don't cheat. You are only thinking of yourself. If your spouse is abusive then leave. But if your spouse is a good person then under no circumstance deserve to be cheated on. If you don't love them than be honest and leave. But don't leave for the cheater.., why, if they cheat with you they will cheat on you. How in the world can you ever trust a cheater? Cheating is the most narcissist thing to do. He is so right the effects are not worth it. Plus think about what your children will think of you? Your reputation. You will hurt yourself trust me. Don't do it!! and if you have leave the affair partner you can't trust someone who didn't respect your marriage or vice versa. Karma will happen.

This talk is about people who are not mature. A mature person knows what works and may find that divorce is necessary. The new person, if is mature, with a mature partner will build solid marriage of happiness and love forever.

Id hate to be the,Alice, in this situation. So vulnerable-always wondering if,Sally Sue is gonna come around and take my husband-AGAIN!

Words of wisdom. Brain vs emotions and fantasy and pain. One of my uncle divorced his wife for 30 yrs. She became depressed, the lady who is like a model before became a mentally challenged person person and prescription drugs killed her. If your think your spouse is a good person making a mistake. When she passed away her ex husband was very remorseful and blamed himself for everything but its too late. Fight for your marriage

I'll pay attention because this man is sharing some serious experience and wisdom... thanks

It all begins with your thinking. Adults are often selfish and inconsiderate. There is a way to do everything, it’s not about us and if the parting is going to make us a better person, then it makes us a better parent. Therapy is good for everyone...this is why we must teach one another and at the end of the day we are free to make a choice. 😇❤️🙏🏽

I think you need to teach people about what love is. The problem is that you don’t know what love is. Love is not about sex or passion. When you had your affair. That was for sex . That’s why it didnt last for you. Marriage based on sex alone doesn’t last. If you don’t get along with your partner. It will never get better. The arguing in the relationship doesn’t go away. I’m happily divorced.

If you are miserable cuz your spouse changed or you fell out of love then it’s better to leave. Don’t both people deserve to find true happiness?

It makes me think not to married again

It's so chill to listen to his voice😊

He has an amazing voice, should be on radio or tv

It’s almost like he’s narrating my current life. This has really helped and I thank you for your advice.

Very well put.

Great thought, great advise!!

I see only two possibilities. - give it a try risking on the long term consequences - believe you and stay in a relationship with the doubt forever You choosed the first, how could you convince anybody to choose the second. What you are today is the result of you choosing the first option ... all in all you are a beautiful result

Another excellent video. Thank you

If we truly in love with our wife/husband I don't believe that we can fall in love with another person. We can feel admire to another person I guess, but not totally deeply in love.

It’s a miracle to see this video for me right at this very moment.. to receive advice from somebody who actually had gone through it themselves and not just theory is really comforting to my currently deeply saddened soul.. and also the stages i will need to go through in the next few days weeks mknths years ahead .. oh God please help me

I guess my questions are: Why did you go back to Alice and did you go back because you knew she still loved you, you knew you could, or because you didn't want to be alone? My question to your wife is why did she remarry you? You said you went back because you realized your mistakes and that you were a better person. That's fine. You would've gotten better for somebody else. You've gotten the best of both worlds. You left, laid and played and then went back.

In my opinion you should never leave your spouse for someone else.... there is a reason why you are married. Why you asked her and why you said yes. If somewhere along the way you loose each other and it’s not working out because you grew apart, that’s a total different story. But an infatuation should never ever be a reason to leave someone. This is what I believe.... from a point of view where I’m in love with someone, who is married and who I don’t pursue since I love him so much, that I don’t want to cause the pain to him, his wife and first of all his children.

These are excellent workshop videos to watch about relationships scenarios. This one is exactly what I went through and still am going through. I’m having a hard time getting over our relationship. I’m extremely sad!!

You are 💯 , the regrets the guilt the secrecy of an affair is so hard to live with. Like a heroin addiction the affair grips you deeper and deeper and everyday you want to end it but as easy as it looks it's the hardest thing.

How about when you already had made your decision to leave your spouse before this person that you are madly in love with comes into your life?

This man is spot on, life is always this complicated and it is only arrogance to believe that life is simple and easy.

I would love to see his opinion on a relationship that developed when the "cheater" decided to have an affiar out of neglect and both physical and emotional abuse from their spouse.

I could add so much to your video...by adding life "ever after"...even when love "lasts until death do you part". When you are "in" love you don't think about the pain you cause your families when you selfishly chose to end your marriage because "you are in love" with other than your spouses. Choices do carry consequences & regrets.

One thing is... sometimes ppl marry someone they think wife material according to their standard... but that kinda person is actually not their best match... ive seen this happened a lot aswell

Love this!!!! Thank you so much for your honesty. 👍🏾

There is nothing like a wrong person or right person. Understand what real love truly is and be honest to yourself. If you're with someone because of material things, you shouldn't come here saying you were not happy and you had to leave. Understand yourself and know what you're looking for before you get to understand another person and chase them

Thank you for your talk about this common situations

When you are in an abusive marriage and your partner refuses to get help, you sometimes escape into an affair. You know that it won’t last but the affair helps give you strength to leave. It’s foolish to think that someone who is supplementing your needs as a married person, will be able to meet all of your needs once your spouse is out of the picture. It’s an illusion. But some people are miserable in a marriage for years and putting in the time until all of their children are adults, the marriage is long dead, they should not feel guilty if they meet and fall in love with the right one a little before their scheduled departure from the marriage. Divorce is a very painful decision with decades long consequences and should never be taken lightly without counsel, deep thought and resignation that it is the only alternative.

Man, Idk if it was the the elaborate hand gestures, welcoming body language or the perfect intensity in pitch, volume, and speed of your (should be if not Insured) voice in both part 1&2 or if it just that Damn fine Jacket here in part 2 accompanied with your serious, Life lesson teaching, Always got candy for the grandbabies Awesomeness G,pa style that you got going there!!! ....but you have explained my relationship of my "one true love or soulmate" (aka-the "married" woman with children.) To why I feel and do the dumb S**t I've been feeling and doing. My first love left me right as I was a boy becoming a man. . Hormones flooding in and mom..washed out.. Being my 1st relationship and in my now, New opinion the most important one I use it as a step by step guide to how all future relationships will be. . I go through many years blind to the fact that I am emotionally hurting my partners with a defence mechanism gone haywire and forgotten for a couple of decades. ... I hurt the ones I loved like the first one who loved me hurt me... Now that I'm aware of this... I can fix this. I can be better man for a good woman one day. Thanks for explaining it in a Zero Fear Zone kinda way Awesome_G,pa. That took real talent from my point of view. Bravo. Sincerely G

Thank you Dr.Beam , you are really great .

Thanks again for your divine insights and grand advice. This has been so helpful for me right now. People should slow down and think things through very carefully. Expecting perfection in marriage is entitled and selfish. Love never fails.

These videos are very good and eye opening. Thank you for these!

my husband told me that he's not happy in our marriage, that's because he's inlove with someone who is also married. It hurts to hear him say that we should just give up on our marriage. I wanted to work on our marriage, but i know it'll hurt me more if I ask him to stay with me and seeing him unhappy.

Very very good advise..... And analysis. Some needed to hear this...

This is absolutely true. We feel like we are in relationships for passion only and it does fade and come back. My spouse and I had the love of a lifetime. Trials, children, struggles and family issues fades love. It becomes sacrifice. At our lowest time someone else came into the picture. He rekindled his passion and forgot ours. He blamed me for it all. I watch our young son and see myself fading. I cannot have more children. I am left working and watching our kids without the support of my husband. There is no one to tell at night, hey did I tell you how your son did? Our son will never know security of two parents. Passion fades in and out. The truest passion is love for others, not just yourself.

After 7 years, every time feels like the first time. Explain that...why hasn't our relationship changed?

I agree with every single thing you said!!!

All he said were true. Until now my husband and I are working on our second marriage. Since I discovered his infidelity, I have changed. I learned to love, accept and understand myself. He told me he regretted what he did in the past. He missed the old wife who loved him dearly. I told him I need space and work on myself first before I readily trust, love, accept and forgive him. He has seen how I and our kids deeply suffered/hurt by his wrong actions.

He's a verry wise man I agree with him 💯💯 💯

The interest lasts only until youre unavailable. As soon as u become theirs the relationship falls apart. People arent really looking for a committed relationship if this happens. Pls be weary if its just you who is looking for a real serious life while the other just wants to go with the flow.

Love/ marriage;are for strong selfless people.

Thanks Dr once again.. Just amazing and very very helpful video.. Keep posting Warm regards The UnknownManCub 👍😎

Marriage is never a perfect relationship as a result no one should expect perfection. At the same time sharing true love can be a solution to whatever weakness or challenges that are likely to arise and these can be settled amicably. Also the most important thing is to do what makes you happy at one time or another. Since same exam with same sets of students doesn't give similar/same results some will failed while others will pass...I think it is a matter of choice. The discussion was so insightful.

Good video!!

There's a price to pay for everything in life, every single decision you make, just think about that! Not just whether to leave a spouse for someone else. You cannot generalise because everyone's circumstance are different. If I had been your wife I definitely wouldn't have had you back.

Life after an affair can be difficult but not impossible, its taking prayer and commitment to God. The other person became an idol and when God asked if I love the other person more than Him (God) I had to walk away from the other guy and really follow God and commit to my marriage. It hasn't been easy at all but the peace God has given me surpasses the hurt I caused myself and my family. The feelings I felt for the other person were indescrible something I'd never experienced but it also caused me much torment and tears. I've often compared it to a drug addiction it was a difficult habit to break and I experienced many relapses but I kept getting back up and praying and having an accountability person and determined to be honest about my day helped me to walk in deliverance and victory.

Thank you so much thank you!!!!!

Although my situation is unlike what is being discussed, it is still a relationship involving a married couple and a 3rd party. In this case, Im the 3rd party, but she walked out on him and their 4 yr old child 10 months before I met them. Recently, she went into rehab, will be out of it 8 months from now, and he has decided to take her back and let her move back home for the sake of the child. There are a multitude factors and issues too lengthy to expound on, but bottom line is I am devastated! Also, I am much older than he is, and the child is now almost 7. These videos are very helpful because they make me realize lots of people are in lots of seemingly unique situations, but actually, all so similar because there’s always someone making a decision that hurts someone else, and the someone else is usually devastated. I just dont know how I will work through this!

Thank u so much

Soulmates are often put in our paths to teach us lessons. So my question to you is.....did you recognize these changes long afterward and did you grow as an individual? Thanks for sharing your story ❤

Amazing video, thanks for giving it for free

What a very well said thought.

Thank you for the advice

My daughter dated a guy who left his attractive wife and married his mid-life crisis mistress. My daughter said the second wife was always bitchy and the dad was always sitting in the basement or outside looking miserable. Lol! Lol! Lol! People are so easily duped by hormones. I tell my kids there's no such thing as a "soulmate" or perfect SO. You find the person who comes closest to having the qualities you like the most, and the faults you can tolerate. Expecting anything more is to live in a fantasy land where you will just be disappointed.

I think that every situation is totally different! Everyone know their fellings people deserve to find the way to be happy !!

marry the one you love，don't just jump in without knowing the other one well enough

I had an emotional affair. My wife betrayed me many times. Like you said I felt that I would change; that I would have sacrificed my morality. I gave myself to this other girl. I felt selfish so I self sabotage the relationship. This was 2 months ago. Problem is I don't love my wife. I am married because I have a responsibility to other people like my children. So I remained marry for them and even to "save my soul" and not lead another astray. 17yrs and never before did I do this; even when i had to forgive over and over. Some think i am a fool. But I think about what if Jesus treated me like i would treat my wife. Makes me think what if Jesus left me. So I stay because every time I ask her if she will stay or leave she chose to stay.

I hope my husband can watch this.

How long does each stages last? My ex was in the first stage for 5 months before leaving me 2 months ago.

Thank you kind sir...

Why are the feelings for the first woman legit but not the second? What is wrong with leaving a partner if that partner can't or won't give you what you need?

Thank you

Wonder if a person who has an affair is the type of person who would be self aware enough to watch this.

Ugh this one wasn't any easier than the first to watch it's like listening to the inside of my hubbys head.

Love is what makes it to last.

This man has INSIGHT I cannot fathom.....OH, MAN !!!

You mentioned that some people would never choose their lover....over their children. Actually...as soon as soon as you started your affair...you did make your choice! And it was not your children!

Thank you so very much for doing these videos..I was cheated on by my ex husband we have 2 beautiful girls and he did say mean things about me things that are not true just so he can convince himself that by him having an affair was doing the right thing..its been 2 years now and the wrongs that he did to me and our kids still affects me and my babies to this day.

Thanks...super helpful. I am separated and have fallen deeply in love with a much younger woman, but I am really seeing the fallacy of this and planning to give reconciliation a chance and hoping for a miraculous event with God's blessing.

I fell in love with a KZfaqr I sang with over 10 years ago... we've hung out for 10 months straight, almost every day. She is married, I'm married (but separated)... anyway, best times of my life, I truly loved her, and still do. But, ultimately, she was never mine, or mine to be... she is still trying to be with someone that she feels has an inability to have feelings show feelings of real love, etc. She still chose him over me, and I understand it. My heart was broken, and will take forever to mend, but one day I will find the right person for me. But my goodness, the amount of love I felt for this woman was intense, and I still love her immensely till this day. But, my hands are tied, and I refuse to be her side guy for another day.

thank you

Very strong words.... It's an insight

You only talked about a relationship that was in good standing what if you're in a very abusive relationship and you're afraid to leave. You also talked about long term well I stayed "for the kids sake" now that they're grown I find out it's done more damage to them in what they view a relationship should be. However I'm still here in a very abusive unhappy relationship afraid to leave wondering what kind of life could we have had.

The lover you talking about was first love for her and obstacles came their ways that ended the relationship and she ended up with a wrong marriage. The love will grow more with the first person.

I think you have been honest. But these things happens in life. But it can cause great pain

I'm 34 but you seem like a good guy. I wish we could be friends in real life.

Marriage is BS if you are in a loveless relationship, set yourself free and surround yourself with people that you get along with, we don’t NEED a partner, close friends easily fills that void. All of this depends on your age, as you age your priorities change. Kids are grown? Still unhappy with the spouse? Leave!