@12:14 - "If you don't really love the other person, you're probably not willing to make that kind of sacrifice." This is offensive. It is essentially guilt-tripping the victim of the cheating. The one who was cheated on has every right to feel the way they feel. They were betrayed, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. To make this sort of comment is... invalidating to the victim of their spouse's cheating. The one who cheats broke the covenant they agreed to the day they got married. Because of that, the victim of the cheating has every right to get divorced. If _they_ choose to stay in it and work on their marriage, that's _their_ choice. They should *NOT* be guilted into sticking out a very painful situation by being accused off "not loving them enough." Obviously, the victim loved the person who cheated, otherwise, they would not be as effected by it as they were. Also, something important that was not addressed here, that _should_ have been addressed here, is the circumstances when the one who cheated does not see that what they did was wrong and sees no need to change. You cannot rescue someone who doesn't see a need to be rescued. You cannot change someone who doesn't see a need to change.

I did divorce because of it and couldn't be happier, good riddance. No regrets

The question is.....why divorce? If Your spouse lives ANY lifestyle that is contrary to a healthy environment and is not willing to repent....just leave.

Everyone being cheated on needs to take a hard look at themselves and figure out things about co dependence, narcissistic traits, attachment styles, BPD traits, etc. There is a lot to learn of oneself generally there is no innocent party involved in the affair sometimes maybe but rarely it generally a result of two disfunctional people that lacks healthy communication and feels the need to cheat.. The best thing one can do it take your attention off the affair partner and focus on getting yourself some help healing and address the flaws you have. There is no guarantee this person will change, my ex never did, still instagraming, Still spending money she dont have still dating different men. The best thing I did was work on me. And yes there was a lot wrong with me as well. It takes humility and a lot of self responsibility to own up to your part.

Already tried and he had another affair for a year and a half with the same woman!!! He's now back with this woman while married to me and he has asked me for a divorce!!! After all of this I am still praying for God's will be done and I feel so ignorant in even praying this.... It's very obvious that this man doesn't want to be with me and I am okay with that. I'm excited for the future God has for me going forward!!! Edit to say: I use to be so very Angry but I'm not like that anymore, i don't feel that in my heart anymore!! I believe he may have some guilt bc of things he still does!!!

I disagree because if I sleep with another man who just happened to “perform” better than my spouse, and my spouse forgives me, that lover will forever be on my mind every single time my spouse and I make love. Same with the man. He will forever remember that other body.

It's not so much the affair, it's the fact that you were betrayed by the person that you love is what makes it so painful! Throughout our marriage I always suspected that my wife was cheating! Of course when I found out for certain, I would learn that she was a serial cheater. My first reaction was to get a divorce! However, with three small children, I realized that being with them was far more important than my feelings. I felt an obligation to make sure that my children were raised to the best of my ability! I also realized staying married would be best for their nurturing. Now man years later, I feel like I've done the right thing! I've seen through others just how disruptive divorce can be for the healthy development of a child. My wife is a good mother! We chose to bring children into this world! A lot of responsibility comes with that! As far as my marriage, I've taken a different approach. "It's not cheating if you know about it" and make it acceptable! In essence, it amounts to an "open" marriage! Now the funny thing. Once she had the green light to be with other men, it somehow killed the urge. Post menopause might of helped too! Anyway, I could go on about this! But, the bottom line is - you can never truly forgive, and you certainly cannot forget! But as with the other cruelties of life, you have to move forward and make the best of things! Think about this, there are marriages where neither partner cheats, and yet they still hate each other!

I'll agree that strong healthy marriages are the best thing for communities. I am older & when I was a kid most women were stay at home mom's and I always felt safe with all the mom's keeping an eye on the neighborhood. Back then parents did not fear letting their kids go out to play on their own, instead we were told to get out of the house and don't come back until super time 5:00pm & don't be late.

But, Dr Beams, “grace is not a place to wipe your feet”. How many times do we have to offer grace? Surely there is a point at which you can do no more?

Sorry. Cannot disagree more.

Once a cheater usually a cheater I don’t believe they deserve another chance.a person capable of hurting u like that is certainly not deserving of a loyal spouse!!!!!if it happened more than once especially!!!!!it’s not just a mistake

I do agree with him and I am someone who is very anti cheating because Health is my number one value and cheating exposes you to stds and essentially death. I am also huge on self confidence and cheating is attack to self esteem; however - I also understand that marriages is two people coming together and dealing with their personal challenges. Your partner mains struggle may be self-control or validation. A man who was bullied growing up may struggle with validation and the enemy may use that against him by sending a beautiful woman to sway him. The enemy’s job is to divide and conquer. I’m not making excuses because the woman may have that same issue and handle it better (or vice versa) but I’m saying a spouse - we are basically taking on that person’s personal trauma and struggles. It’s never going to be pretty or fair. It will always hurt the other person. It will always make you want to leave and we don’t get to choose which way it shows up. It will hurt the ego. But, to truly defeat the enemy and honor what our marriage vows mean - we can’t just divorce every Time we are tested. For one person - cheating may be easy to deny but for the partner that truly struggles with that - that may be the test. And, that partner will also be tested with the personal trauma that shows up in you and commitment is not leaving each other just because the test is hard and hurts.

I wholeheartedly disagree. Omg. It almost offensive to explain why a wife/husband should not leave and divorce his spouse like seriously? To vow to remain faithful and the spouse betray you? usually the spouse who cheat will do it again, no real apologies and change behaviour? Divorce is an option yes! maintaining a healhty relationship with a ex spouse cheater because children are involve? Yes for sure. Making the spouse stay who is being cheating on guild-trip and manipulate the person to stay? Its a huge no. DIVORCE.

Rescue a whole grown person who was wise enough to make the decision to get married? And “if you love the person…” must be applied in both directions. Otherwise the marriage is one sided. The betrayed partner cannot carry the burden of maintaining the marriage because “they must show mercy”. The cheating partner should have also showed grace by not putting their spouse through that. I completely disagree with this whole video. Heavily side eyeing this man. He’s whole stance is little sus 😒

There are serial cheaters should never be given another chance

I go to sleep at night listening to you both and it gives me inner peace. Thank you.

When I saw the title to the video I had a strong bias against it. I have very strong feelings against infidelity. But it's because of that I should listen to what you have to say, I shouldn't make big decisions on how I feel alone but balance them with rational and virtues I believe and strive for. I don't see marriage as the same as a relationship so it shouldn't end as abruptly.

No I'm divorcing them if they cheat on me

Thank you so much. This video has really helped me. I’m so glad i found it. ❤

I completely disagree. If one spouse cheats, It will happen again. Divorce is the only answer. No point in dragging it out. Cheating is no mistake it is a choice. I could not live with a cheater.

Like with any decision you have to weight the pros and cons and then think about the impact of that decision. Sometimes it's would be good sometimes it may cause you everything. Depending on the level of cheating things can be fixed. However if a man or woman cheats on you the relationship is basically over. They have no respect for you and mostly never loved you to begin with. A close friend would never sell you out or stab you in the back. Your wife or husband is supposed to be your best friend.

I have seen married couples with one spouse actively cheating or otherwise still actively in contact with the affair partner (e.g., still working with them, still texting them, still social media friends with them, etc) become very destructive and violent domestic situations. Idk how common this is in generals but I have anecdotally and subjectively seen it many times. Shouldn’t the couple be separated somehow if the cheating spouse is still choosing to move toward the affair partner in some way (rather than moving away from the affair partner)? Otherwise it could easily be unsafe.

Kimberly husband is super lucky what a women and imagine having this guy as your father in-law what an amazing relationship they have.

Military moves put a marriage/children to a great test.

Is there a resource about the different “types” of affairs (like you mentioned something called ‘high-opportunity/low-investment’)???

At what age do people stop having affairs

But Dr Beam, you did exactly the opposite of what you advice. Do as I say not as I do 😂

An addict will Always find money … and cheating has usually a deeper issue and it’s a stressful life to stay

My grandmother tolerated my grandfather’s cheating up until the point where he started breaking furniture with her head.

What if the spouse is cheating with multiple partners?

Rescue? WTH!

I suspect many of these people who have commented have not actually listened to this all the way through! 😂

I'm divorcing a serial cheater. I can't wait until it is final. I am already happier than I ever was in the 28yrs I was with the cheater.

Sounds hard to get by and regain the trust. I'd have the suspicion going thru mind for a loooooonnng time and he'd need to do a ton of reassuring.

What if your spouse is an extreme narcissist; caused so much pain and trauma (physically and mentally; life threatening situations repeatedly)? I gave him ongoing chances for redemption. His violence never seemed to cease.

The woman you spoke of who did the work to save her husband, the one who had the problem within him…I’m interested to know what course of action that takes from the perspective of the wife in the situation you shared. Especially when the spouse needing the work is not the one doing the work

Very true and helpful insights, thanks

I strongly believe that you should leave and divorce a cheating spouse.If you stay you have lost all respect for yourself. Why try and save your marriage if the husband has shown you who they are.

I love it 🙏

If my wife Cheated on me, i would send all my property to my mom, so she will not get mine half property, and I will forgive her, forget her and Find another Loyalty Women, I deserved to win Child Custody because child shouldn't live with Unfaithful parents or they will become like them in future, I don't give damm about Second Chance or if she keeping begging to keep marriage, i won't give her second chance cuz Its my opinion

I did the ultimate mistake and cheated on my wife, it’s a choice I regret everyday and since she discovered it, we tried to work through it, and for a while it was good and apparently according to her when I felt that it was better, I relaxed and didn’t try anymore, and the sad part is maybe I believed it was better but maybe I was kidding myself. Now, she told me this morning she wants a separation, albeit a in house separation in order to keep order family together to protect our kids. I’m still trying to process this because on one hand I know I still don’t deserve her trust and I can’t force her to trust even though the thought of ever doing it again makes me physically sick to think about. Don’t get me wrong, we still love each other and there’s the part of both of us that want to be together but at this point we’re so sick emotionally that we have so much to work on ourselves. I’m still in the anger/denial portion of this because I don’t know how to process is at this time. I know the road ahead is gonna be rough but I’m 50/50 on it because I want to be a better husband and gain her trust but i know that at any moment she could throw up her hands and leave, and I probably deserve it but I can’t imagine my life without her and the thought of it makes me question if I even I have anything worth sticking around for

Am really following keenly

Thanks Joe and Kimberley - you might find there are other factors for example emotional affairs with a cult or particular church, or as we saw during a particular US president and a virus political identify affairs. That is a subject I have not yet seen you cover.

Fascinating

Cheaters gadlight u reality

A wife can force her husband to go outside the marriage any time she feels like it. She will have forced his hand (quite literally) and every time he has to resort to that, she is showing him that his needs do not matter and that he is better served elsewhere. Wives have no right to get upset when another woman senses his duress and takes advantage of the situation. The selfish, lazy, covenant-breaking wife opened the door for it.