I was contacted by my narc today after 3 years of peace. It was a long email, and parts stood out to me. He said it didn’t matter whose fault it was and that we had different versions of what happened to cause the rift. In other words, he took no responsibility for the pain he caused. As I was reading it, I began to cry. He ended by asking me to go out to dinner. My first response was to write him a long letter back. I deleted two of those letters. I ended up by simply writing that I was in a good place and hoped he was the same. Short and sweet. I did not commit to seeing him, and I actually started getting sick to my stomach. After I send my message, I wished I had not sent it, but at least I did recognize the red flags

“Mostly healed” is a goal. Yes, I have scars and a limp, but that doesn’t mean I have to roll up my sleeves to show the scars. They can fade over time. And with diligence, the limp is barely noticeable. Those who recognize the limp, know the cause, but are more impressed with the work gone into reducing it.

"It takes time to heal from narcissist abuse because they don’t only break your heart, but spirit also. 💙KZfaqr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships "

Indifference. The narc ex used intermittent reinforcement with me. During his silent treatment phases he was supremely indifferent. The cruelty of that pierced my heart a million times.

You know one of my biggest problems after all the narcissistic damage I've suffered in my life is it's really hard to make myself vulnerable again. Thinking I toughen myself up against a new narcissist in my life might end up making me a bit narcissistic myself. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be spending the rest of my life monitoring my own behavior to make sure I am still a little bit vulnerable. I don't really have any other way to put that. Great stream as usual Sir.

What I love about your weekly streams is that, as much as I can rely on my ex-narcissist to continue manipulating, I can rely on you to be the stabilising wisdom. Bless you (and Gus, wifey and family) xx

“The narcissist is like a bucket with a hole in the bottom: No matter how much you put in, you can never fill it up. The phrase “I never feel like I am enough” is the mantra of the person in a narcissistic relationship. That’s because to your narcissistic partner, you are not. No one is. Nothing is.” - Ramani Durvasula

Thank you Dr C for answering my question today. You are right, I already figured out the answer. It’s the loose ends that do bother me but… I will need to make some adjustments in my thinking and get comfortable with loose ends. I am 65, it is time to love me and be good to me. Thank you.

After I departed from my ex, I felt an array of emotions including anger toward him, but also there was the anger I felt toward myself‼️ The reason, I gave him a 2nd chance when my instincts were telling me not too, I didn't trust myself enough to listen. I now trust my internal instincts😊

You are AWESOME Dr. C! You have helped me identify the controllers in my life and gave me the courage to get out and set myself FREE ❤. 1 year free of covert narcissist abuse. It’s been a tough road but totally worth it. I’m finally thriving for the first time in my life ! Peace is priceless 🎉

Psycholical limp is a good way of putting it. I have survived, have had a university education, a career and own my own home . But I have had a marriage break up, many broken friendships and job losses (from which I've bounced back)

This session helped me distinguish between the abuse of my covert mother and the cruelty of her flying monkeys. I see that their emotions, beliefs and cruel behaviours were more reactions to her manipulation, than intentional abuse originating in their hearts. Thank you for this clarification, Dr C. It adds to my forgiveness for the decades of despair.

Dr C, I wish there was a way all of us on Team Healthy could share with you all the ways we've grown from tuning into your videos over the YEARS! It takes quite a bit of TIME and dedication to stay on the path of healing. You always talk about this being a journey. When I first tuned in I was in a pit of despair. Thanks to you Dr C, I've climbed out of that pit, and I hold my head high and I have a skip in my step! Now I'm going to go binge on your Podcasts! Have a blessed day! (As they say in Texas)

We all have our crosses to bare. IF I get up one morning and mine is a little lighter than usual I look to see if anyone wants a helping hand with theirs. I think we maybe try and help each other on Team Healthy. Love Life ❤

Hi Team Healthy!!! So glad for this Team! So glad for healing!! Thank you Dr. C! ❤

I know what you mean about trying to get someone to see it from your side. And it's taken me about 63 years to figure it out: YOU CAN'T.

30 + years in. Healing slowly. Dealing with parental alienation and I'm only 50. I believe it was an occult looking back. Didnt know at the time but I'm educating myself with videos like this. Thank you Dr C

Dr C. You answered my question a few days ago about Narcissist in the church. I watched your video and it was spot.on After being patronized by the preacher and Gaslite by him, I made the decision to move on and find another church to attend. I do not disalusion myself in thinking that the next church I attend will be narc free, but at least I can recognize the Redflags. He the preacher has several flying monkeys who are total cowards and all work in covert ways. Not angry but understand religion is a good way to practice their agenda, cloaking their deciet in religion. Not limping but enlightened. Thank you so much for your wisdom and understanding. Recovery on going in North Carolina.

Society rewards narcissists. Organisations reward narcissist s. Even Friendship groups reward them. People are attracted to power and confidence.

Thanks Dr. C. Low energy today but I always appreciate your wisdom , words and kindness. Pat pat to Gus. Love to team healthy!!

GOTCHA! My Narc 87 yr old Mom, who I care for full-time due to blindness and bad hip. Her new thing is to sit and try to catch me doing something wrong and then question me endlessly about it. She is always gathering information to possible use against me at a perfect future time. Today she caught me leaving my teacup in the microwave. Ohhhhh, so bad? Living with her is crazy. I try to limit my time with her. I'm isolated in my late brother's bedroom. I have a fractured ankle at this time, so I have a good excuse why I can't do as much for her now. I'm so sick of the whole thing.

I still have hope to somehow right the wrong that has hurt my sons over the years ,which is the instillation of the poison that I abandoned them. Instead, the result of malicious manipulation following divorce a half century ago, left me with very difficult decisions. Thank God for God and at present Dr. C too.

Grief for me is grieving for what I COULD have had with my x. Not what we really had and lost.

Narcisists are conartist who start with conning themselves which is why you can not reason with an unreasonable and deceitful person. Thank you dr Carter ❤

WE ARE GLAD YOU ARE HERE!!! Realizing I was dealing with a con artist who was not only conning me, but actually conning thimself. . That statement helps me understand it better. Thank you, Dr. Les, for all you do to help so many of us.. You are the best. God bless you.

Gosh, this was spot-on 100% ❤

I feel relieved. After seeing so much plastered across the Internet stating you CAN heal as if it's whole and permanent and as if nothing happened. Such Such a relief to hear this ISN'T 100% true. Thought I was failing but now I know I'm not. That in itself is validating, thank you dr.c. I'd gone through a lot of 'experiences' by the time I reached 16 and it shaped the following decades.... like a smell it lingers but I have done and am doing my best

"Nobody's all bad" I can relate to learning not to beat myself or others up for minor flubs. You learn to take the good with the bad in relationships. Grow together. However there are just some behaviors that it is impossible to apply this reasoning. Growing up with a violent parent that is also a hard worker, church goer, good mechanic, etc. Nothing mitigates the violence. Absolutely nothing. It's like the old adage: Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, How did you like the play?

I can't thank you enough for helping us, Dr. Carter! I am often a nervous wreck and when I get upset I say things I don't mean and feel terrible for saying. I lived with highly military trained narc for several decades and sometimes think I have gone mad. I ask God to forgive me over and over and ask for help in all this. I am glad to learn that I have not become a narcissist myself and glad someone asked the question of the nature, "Can we become a narc after living with one for some time:" I have received three of your books and love the way they are written and the questions are written so I can apply the content directly to my life. They are sooo helpuful!!!

Hello Dr C! Thank you again for your dedication to this topic. I know one narcissist who had said dreadful things but he doesn’t bother me in the least because everyone can see through him. However I know another narcissist who concerns me greatly because she is so good as putting on DIFFERENT MASKS that people DON’T see through her.. so she has gone after a relationship of mine that has caused her extreme jealousy..

1:10 onwards: The perfect demonstration of owning up your part and overcoming a minor hurdle without hurting anybody in the process. One day I will be on time for these live sessions!!

So true, we can never fill in that childhood abuse & abandonement. My ex who just cheated me has been brutal. Covert and malignant narc. Just saw his social media traveling long distance to be with his new teenage love.

Thank you for this I am married to a person whom is a narcissistic person. I recently started questioning if it was me being the narcissistic one know I realize the damage that they do to us

It’s trauma repetition, I thought if I could heal with another person with similar personalities it would make everything okay. So NOT a good idea. I actually said it out loud in therapy yet had no idea that was what I was doing “ If I can stop the abuse then I don’t have to admit it ever happened”.

Earworm firmly affixed😂 That's the themes song for Isuzu - the car I drive. I had a trigger from a mean stranger yesterday. My daughter asked what breed of dog it was in the car. the dog started barking and growling as soon as I stopped the car in the carpark. I got out of the car with a large bag (we were going to the hall for a dress rehearsal for the upcoming dance concert). I took tw steps closer t the car with the barking dog to see what kind of dog it was but I couldn't see due to the tinting. The woman in the car just went off with nasty comments, telling me to get away from the car etc etc, the dog will bite etc - the window wasn't fully down and I wasn't intending to open the door. In response to her nasty manner, I just left but her words stung me because the manner in which she said them was exactly the same as what my mother would use when talking to me. I honestly feel like crying but I said to my daughter as we walked to the hall, "in answer to your question, the dog is a nasty one like it's owner. Some people are not going to be naturally kind and we empathic people need to be very careful of them so that we can guard our heart and our feelings." I have been watching your videos and others videos a lot lately. It's all in preparation for a family event in a couple of weeks where my mother whom I have been no contact with very likely may be there (that's if the flying monkeys have been doing their job). We've been looking at strategies in order to try and be physically in the room but remain in the non verbal stance of communication and hold onto our emotions.

I took my elderly parents (93) in 19 months ago and I found that my dad has narcissistic tendencies (no wonder my husband seemed normal to me for a long time). Now I am dealing with the two of them not getting along plus both of them showing narcissistic attitude toward me. I want to express my gratitude to your you tube program for helping me learn ways to manage and still doing what I think is right by taking care of my parents. I am not sure how long I will be able to do it, but I am sure learning a lot about my husband.

I struggle with dealing with people. I can get very annoyed at people in certain situations if things don't go my way. My father was very narcissistic and I always watched these videos with him in mind. But I realize I'm far from perfect myself.

Thank you so much for educating, supporting, and encouraging me. I am two years into the lifelong process of learning, healing, and growing. Most days I feel pretty good, sometimes great, and sometimes lost. It is so nice to pick up my phone and listen to you. I am strengthened as I listen and learn. And I feel your sincere regard for us. God bless you. ❤

These were especially excellent questions today, Dr. C! Thank you for another wonderful video. I do plan on getting a Team Healthy mug but I am trying to hold out for neon blue. 🤓🤞🏽 Blessings from California. 🐶

Your comment about missing out on things when younger reminds me: it's difficult for me to watch when the video is live, but I enjoy being able to catch up when I have a block of time, and that is more than good enough to help me grow and build!

Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and Team Healthy from California. I hope everyone is doing well. Can you heal while still with them is my question?? I really don't care how or what they want but I will not leave the only home I've bought and ever had even as a child. I just hate that I wasted my life with this narcissistic person. It has been over 50 years and I have always taken care of myself and provided for myself and him too because they are so darn lazy and dumb as a rock. God bless the child that has his own. Now he takes care of everything and I don't care. It's about time and I do not play the game anymore. Thank you so much Dr. Carter.

It was a nuclear blast, the smear crime scene, vast, but it's over. My sis sleeps better now not stressing over the next poison pen email, or smear campaign. We lost a lot but we gained our freedom and we're doing well, considering. We still have a few hundred thousand miles left and I intend to make the most of it for good memories in the future. Time for a vacation next summer!

Thank you Dr. C! Healing is possible in time💐

Narcissist look at everyone as supply. They will fish until someone bites. Push boundaries until someone allows them to break through them. Everyone says empaths are magnets for narcissists. I feel most “empaths” are just wounded adults and the pain they haven’t healed is triggered when they see someone in the same pain. Same with HSP. I think narcissistic parents create heightened empathy for others who have been traumatized. It’s a result of trying to survive people who would harm you if they were hurting

Cool thanks Doctor Carter

thank you for your teaching..team healthy 💓👋

"I am going to stay in the role that is morally superior over you and don't you forget it!" Lol 🙃

Everyone should view this video. Anyone who has ever been angery. I think about that shooting in the primary school in Texas every time I tune in. People are really angery. This video is great 👍

Thank you, Dr C, and I just want to say that you have guided me through the stages of healing that Shannon Thomas mentioned on the podcast, right here on KZfaq. I am so grateful, and still learning.

LOVE YOU DR. C. !!!!!! 😬❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️☮️

They can't be alone at all. But I don't have a problem with it at all. The problem is they're making sure that I'm not alone and they're kind of way. Just a reminder. I mostly keep myself busy so I don't have to think about it.

If you're in a long relationship with a narcissist they feed off of your emotions because they know what kind of person you are if you consider yourself an empath that's what they do to come back to you and criticize and mock and all the other disgusting things that they all do!

Great questions! Your answers to them are very helpful.

They might feel misable but it is all on us and we are the reason for all of it. They are never to blame for anything although they were like that when we met them. We are viewed as supply from the very beginning but they just don't show it and we just overlook what we really see and make excuses for them.

Believe you will heal!

Again, it’s amazing how the questions reflect what has been happening to me. Narcissists are so predictable in their dysfunction and yet it’s so hard to understand at times and to accept. Dr C, do you have any suggestions for how to give up hope and accept what is, especially when it’s your mother? It hurts

Love ya Dr C...love ya'll here on Team Healthy! hUgz, Lee

Dr. Carter, So good to hear you again! You so clearly discuss the narcissists. I just saw the husband/flying monkey of the first person I "diagnosed" as a narc. As I peeled away the layers of this toxicity I freed myself, or at least I'm working at freedom. Your voice is a soothing reminder of beginning of the journey. (I also listen to Dr. Ramani, Kevin of the Royal We, Nanette Wajnberg and others. Also I'm in a private group that supports each other.) Great to hear you again!

Group therapy is awesome

These were some really great questions. Thx Dr C

Sure, they acknowledge they are miserable. And it's your fault.

Thank you for offering us this resource. It's a blessing! Please continue offering suggestions and ideas for us to think about.

Life is good for me now. Narcissists can not hurt me anymore. It only took the best part of 50 years. The road out was long and painful. I have learned so much from counseling and books. Codependent No More, When Anger Hurts, I'm OK You're OK, just to name a few. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Love it Dr.C

Thank Dr. C 💪🙂🙏♥️🔥🎶

As a person who cares for my narcissist which is so crazy to say you realize you want the best for them and you sacrifice so much of yourself for that I've realized that and I found out almost a year ago today what this person was and I'm still in this relationship I don't know why I guess in my mind I just keep thinking he's going to wake up and realize what he's doing and we're going to get answers but I don't know I know the person that I was a year ago is totally different from the person that I was I've grown I've realized the rose-colored glasses are off I can see him who we really is but it's just like why why after all this does he not want to change why I guess that's my biggest confusion

You are so kind - I love the way you tell us what we’re really thinking to ourselves !! You are so right on with the ways they think + act.

Dr. C, Yesterday on the LIVE, you addressed a listeners question of "difficult to stay away...repeatedly going back to the narcissist" by saying something about the BAD has to be worse than the GOOD (Pain vs Pleasure motivation?). I would LOVE to see a video from you exploring this concept for those of us who are stuck in the middle ground, constantly weighing the good vs bad. Thank You for all that you do!!!

I appreciate that there is healthy anger and unhealthy anger. I think knowing this will help me a lot. Thanks Doctor Carter!

Love the bear painting. Heeeey, Sic 'em, Bears!! ~ Fellow Baylor Bear

Thank you Dr, Carter. I've been dealing with narc manipulation for years and trying to move on and start new. its hard dealing with flying monkeys and do healing at the same time, and its so hard to trust again, because of all the triggering manipulation and lies. I would say that trusting again its kinda the hardest now for me.

My dear Dr C, my head is buzzing after your last 3-4 KZfaq videos. Learning from you, i try to make sense looking back on my long life. I still live with Narc no2 . I know i have lost out on many things but i have my daughter here and my son and 3 grandchildren in America. You are my teacher. I don't have to heal, i just want to feel strong to be myself and stop feeling always inferior to anybody else. Yes. My decisions are as good, i tell myself, but different somehow from other people. As you always say, we are all individuals. No need to be ashamed. I am so happy to have cared for my Mum for 5 1/2 years in a different country from my Narc no1. It was freedom for both of us. Thanks Dr C for being there. One question came to my mind: why do Narcs never ask nice and comforting questions or is it because of my stubborn, shy character?

Hello, Dr. C! I wonder if it is possible to grey-rock the narcissist on a long-term basis, say for a few years, without losing some of your overall spontaneity (with other people). I personally find grey-rocking very difficult but, yes, also very useful.

Sorry. Me to ! From the stalking! That's my anger !

The ONLY accountability I ever heard was "I'm not perfect ". That's peak accountability for narc mother.

This input is so important for me. I've always wondered if I'm finally healed again and again.

I have a question, but first.. I love listening and get so much wisdom from your videos. Thank you. My question is, my narcissistic husband (of 50 years) magnifies all his sicknesses to get attention and when we go anywhere together which is hardly ever, people will ask me about him being sick. He is NOT sick and I don't know how to answer people. He pretends he can't breathe because of sickness but it's due to never exercising and he's very overweight. I'm so tempted to tell people he's not being truthful. How should I answer them? Thank you in advance.

I am not sure I fully agree with the sense of the notion about not healing fully. Sure, one will be different from how one might otherwise have been, but it doesn't have to be a worse different. I really think it can be a better different. I think here about when our first child died: while I would want it to be otherwise and I wouldn't wish this on anyone, we also made deliberate decisions - every day at first - about what it would mean to us and how we were going to continue to live our lives together. I suppose I'm really an optimist at heart; I'm not saying it is an easy journey, but I genuinely think it is possible, through the choices we make about who we want to be, to be better version of ourselves having overcome the legacy these people leave with us. That's pretty much what I wish for all abuse survivors.

My Question is. How do I know who I am or what I want. How and where do I begin. I am 70 y/o + married 50 + and finally figured it out 3 years ago that I am Married to covert narcissist. We have business together. I have told him I will no longer work at the end of 2023. All my life I have done what he wants to do. I feel so defeated and discouraged its too late for my hopes and dreams.

Thanks for this Dr C. Also had massive grief after losing both parents which was my narc sisters cue to turn on me. Lots of grief

Doc says 'Nobody is all bad'. I disagree. These people are Jekyll & Hyde. They prove to you they can be civil, funny, kind, friendly, compassionate, etc by you observing how they behave with everyone else other than you, the scapegoat. They turn on the fake nice guy/gal like a light switch. Even the nice things you see are to dominate you, make you feel like crap because you must be defective to deserve the abuse cause it's only you, keep chasing the carrot of a good relationship, doubt yourself, add to confusion, rejection, abandonment, destroying self confidence, etc. Everything is to keep you off balance and weak so they can keep abusing you. Your REAL self is LIGHT, LOVE, COMPASSION, ENERGY and everuthing good. Like Kim Wilson TV says 'Narcs only pick the best of the best. What are they going to do - suck the life out of someone who has nothing to offer??! YOU WERE THE TOP, THE BEST AND YOU STILL ARE! Narc did nothing for your benefit or for your good. The 'good' you see is a LIE and to control you. The putrid vomit of words they spew on you is the real person. This is 100% sick and evil. THEY CANT kill the BEAUTIFUL PERSON YOU ARE. Don't make excuses for demons. You have nothing to feel guilty for. ALL of the blame blogs on the predator. By the way the demonic Narc would just love for you to have guilt after they die because it means they STILL have control over you and your emotions. Stop the Crazy Making Train with the white light of truth. 56 yrs with a Malignant Narc (because of CPTSD masquerading as Autoimmune Disease (Like 'Liberal Hivemind' says in his videos: "Surprise, Surprise! Surprise to NO ONE!") & haven't come up with what Narc mom was. Narc sister, too. You are not dealing with a human being, guys. Facing reality is the key. They are ABUSING you ON PURPOSE and part of the abuse is "Look how everyone out there loves me! It must be you, your attitude, you stupid thing who can't do anything right! HAHAHAHAAAAA!!!" No regret. Watch Kim Wilson TV on You Tube (and Bit Chute now) and get truth b*mbs from someone who has been there.

Dr. Carter. I mean you no disrespect. Our entire nation changes time (falls back in 2022) on November 6, 2022. I agree, we need to do away with Daylight Savings Time.

Thank you so much! You're great!

Hello, Dr. Carter. I have a question which may have such an obvious answer, it's ridiculous. But I do have a sense of what I don't know, which I suppose is a benefit of getting old: I have a first cousin who scores a 20 out of 20 on your malignant narcissist checklist. When this guy was 4 1/2 years old, his mother, my aunt, had an emergency which required her to be away from home for five days. When she got home, of course, a big hug and kiss with my uncle. Then, she walked over to my cousin, arms outstretched, loving smile on her face. My cousin's reaction to this was to run away from her, into a corner of the living room, where he crouched, staring at her suspiciously. My aunt started crying. This went on for days. It was driving my aunt and uncle batty. One day, they were sitting at the dining room table, staring at my cousin in total incomprehension. Then it hit my aunt. She turned to my uncle, and said, "Oh my God, he's forgotten me!" He had. After five days. Gradually, he "came around." We know this happened because my aunt told my mother about it. My question does seem absurd: this sort of thing is abnormal, isn't it? And it does indicate attachment difficulty ( to put it mildly ) in my cousin, doesn't it?

I appreciate your content in every form...It helped me a lot .. I am not abele to listen live at the moment. I hope next week 🌸

Wasn't able to go with you live today. 🙏. But keep going with your videos. I work with different time zones. And I'm awful at it.

I'm with you Dr. C...just pick one...standard time or daylight savings...LOL

When they gaslight. You might say how do you know that. That makes them think or maybe radio silence.

Yes

Hello thank You 😘

Dr.c you can have singing lessons anytime and free.😊

I think that leaders in high positions do need to be firm and authoritative and maybe even mean when dealing with truly corrupt people. Corruption needs to be brought to the light so people can see who they have allowed to lead them. If someone were to attempt to harm someone I love...I would not hold back my displeasure. Otherwise...kindness should rule the day.

Thank you.

Have narcissists been burned by people for doing things like being emotionally vulnerable - or would they attack someone if that person showed emotional vulnerability, and so because they have that attack inclination they will not do things like emotional vulnerability? I feel that while some may have tried and gotten burned, some have always had the attack temperament from birth.

Exactly and then they contact and there they are again everything that is negative in their life the only thing they want to do is switch the blame on the person that minds their own business that does nothing at all

I think I relate that to triggers

I feel snarky in my comebacks now that whenever they are being very disturbing in behaviour or saying horrible nasty things. My response is well the aged care mental health facility is looking better and better each day now isn't it. My headphones go on I ignore and walk away. Inside I could scream at them, I not as calm on the inside as I sound. I'm trying my hardest not to let them have the satisfaction of me exploding, because I know that's what they are trying to do to me. It's sick they try to get me so enraged and if I loose my $$-& they stand there smiling. Arghhhhh vomit.

It's going out to public or actually being over the top of you because that's their controlling ways if they can't control you under their roof they're going to have someone else do it for them

Of course

Yes you can heal from it by not participating.