Midweek with Dr. C- How Long Am I Supposed To Try?

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Күн бұрын

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Пікірлер: 239

@Hatbox948 5 ай бұрын

I think we think that we have to work on some of these unhealthy relationships, and if we do hopefully they'll improve. Not true when you're dealing with a narcissist. You can wake up one day realizing you've wasted a big chunk of your life on something that's going nowhere.

@amandaliverpool3374 5 ай бұрын

Well said 🌻

@rwdchannel2901 5 ай бұрын

I think it depends on the age of the narc. If its someone who's a teenager then I'd say you can work on the relationship, but if its someone over 30 then I'd say its not really worth it. If its someone over 50 then I'd say run. The older the narc gets the worse they are and less likely to change.

@DJH97 5 ай бұрын

Yep. Been there done that. Dealt with them for 50 years.

@janinealexander2037 5 ай бұрын

Seems fruitless. But its not if we learned a life lesson. It wasnt really “wasted Time

@kendradamm1428 5 ай бұрын

@@janinealexander2037True, but definitely a lesson that’s better learned quickly rather than spending decades on someone whose primary goal is to keep you miserable. RUN

@steadypace1262 5 ай бұрын

The narcissist's arrogant pride will be their downfall, they are not safe people to be around.

@lillianbarker4292 5 ай бұрын

I’ve discovered that when I decided to be more careful about who I spent time with-and not tolerate abuse of any kind-I found amazingly great people who really care about me. It’s like putting on a new pair of glasses. We each have something to give so give it to someone who appreciates it.

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

This is essential

@aaronkwolfe 5 ай бұрын

The people are out there. Perhaps harder to find, but if you know what you’re looking for, you have a greater likelihood of success. I wish you success.

@lindalarson5468 5 ай бұрын

I say to myself, "I don't have enough time in my week for the people who clearly love me. WHY would I waste time with anyone who doesn't?" It has helped me to sift those abusers out of my life for good.

@lillianbarker4292 5 ай бұрын

One of the biggest surprises as I aged into my 70s is that there are these loose ends. “Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved” (source unknown to me) is my favorite quote.

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

Speaks volumes

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

So true, Lillian.

@pamwhitehouse5961 5 ай бұрын

Absolutely true 👍 ❤

@orbifoldish 5 ай бұрын

this is very comforting

@annettglass7290 5 ай бұрын

It's difficult to realize when dealing with narcissistic people that you do have to radically accept it is a no win situation and they truly don't care about others.

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

Okay, radical acceptance doesn't mean you have to remain in it?

@aaronkwolfe 5 ай бұрын

I can accept a situation that I’m not a part of. We’ve had some wild election results that honestly do not affect my daily life. If I wanted to join in the fray, I certainly could, but I prefer to live in my quiet corner of a medium-sized town. There is peace here. I’m keeping it.

@rwdchannel2901 5 ай бұрын

In the case of my parents I came to realize my father wasn't going to change when he was 75 years old and trying to physically compete with me when I was 25 years old. I was adopted when I was 5 years old and he was 50 years old. If a narc is over 50 then don't even begin to think the narc is going to change. Just run away if you can.

@conniedean3862 5 ай бұрын

So true! You can't win with them

@undercoverbird8592 5 ай бұрын

@@t_nelsno you don’t remain in it. 😊 me and the kids have accepted that their father is not going to change. And doesn’t care how we feel. Narcissists are worst than drug addicts in my humble opinion. There is no detox nor hope for them. I have recently cut off most of my family. Blocked my ex husband. I only communicate by email to all of them. I NEED my sanity. 😂 ❤

@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын

Trying is what the narcissist wants you to do so that the narc can keep on using you for target practice forever

@mre9208 5 ай бұрын

They use people.

@koma4050 5 ай бұрын

Good chat today and learned a new word/phrase relevant to narcissistic abuse, Guslighting, which is the opposite of gaslighting. Gus=Gratitude, unconditional love and support. Thanks again Dr. Carter.

@jenp5759 5 ай бұрын

😂❤

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

Gus is hoping Mr. Webster is paying attention.

@fenixrise1272 5 ай бұрын

😂

@lilysleisure1918 4 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism😅

@DahliaBrynn 5 ай бұрын

My husband and I both didn't really care about the made up holidays too much. But he always said for mother's day, I'm not his mother, so he didn't do anything for me. He also didn't do anything with the kids for me. I always tried to have the kids do something special for him anyway. Last year, he made a comment about only putting as much effort into mother's day as I put into father's day, and it was just such a slap in the face realization that he would never care about me enough to try. Because in every other area of life, I was never good enough. I could never worship him enough to appease him, and he would never give me any value.

@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын

Remember you’re the secondary supply mommy & he is just using you because he never separated from his own mother at the appropriate age of 3 😢 you don’t have an individual for a husband but a pseudo adult who emotionally & psychologically remains preadolescent

@karefair12 5 ай бұрын

God bless you. I pray you can get out. 🙏🏼

@DahliaBrynn 5 ай бұрын

@@karefair12 I did 💜

@DahliaBrynn 5 ай бұрын

@@caroleminke6116 spot on. It took too long to realize it, but I can see it so clearly now.

@deborahschmitt3335 5 ай бұрын

The trauma bond is painful to assess, but I found it was better to learn critical acceptance, than to continue getting whiplash in trying for understanding from the narcissist.

@KelliCoalburner 5 ай бұрын

I tried for 30yrs. They do not change.

@user-we4ly2jr5u 5 ай бұрын

Even 40 years, still same..

@Barb-iu3el 5 ай бұрын

17 yrs

@lindalarson5468 5 ай бұрын

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Right? All you can do is walk away.

@DJH97 5 ай бұрын

Same here. 30 years wasted. 50 years with a narc family who just sets ya up for more.

@southerngal4655 5 ай бұрын

Unfortunately that is true. 😢

@cherylnathanodette 5 ай бұрын

Don't keep trying if people continue to abuse you and openly laugh when they think they have got to, don't give them the pleasure they are children often in full grown bodies. Ignore them and they may just go away. I honestly don't have the time to give to people who clearly don't care about you.

@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын

Gray rock works! Mine just disappeared after he told me that I could no longer be triggered 😊

@awesometulips9427 5 ай бұрын

Dr C, you are the best balm for my hurt feelings 😅

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

So pleased!

@Tahoejt 5 ай бұрын

Dr Carter, I find that sharing one of your videos/podcasts/TV scripts has been an easy and effective way to open a conversation with friends, who are dealing with narcissists or who don’t understand what I’m dealing with. For your first writer, I’d say “your situation with your daughter reminds me of this, so maybe this could help” and I attach a link. I can actually say that you saved the life of one of my patients when I shared your video. She was suicidal and under the care of a therapist who totally missed the fact that she was a victim of narcissistic abuse. This lovely lady told me she sat and watched every one of your videos & cried for 3 days. This was 2017 so you had less videos 😂. Thank you for saving so many of us!

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

This warms my heart. Thanks for sharing this. You are why I do the videos.

@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын

He also saved my life literally

@nancytwigg4631 5 ай бұрын

The generosity of our good Doctor saves more lives and heals more hearts and minds than he would ever know...a true Doctor he is! Dr. Les Carter does such good in the world, all over the world. He helps us "do no harm" to ourselves by surviving and pushing through and away from the abuse of viral, toxic narcissism and the damage of its abuse. Thanks, Doc.

@bridgetmcbride6634 5 ай бұрын

All these questions that came through that Dr. Carter answered -oh, boy, do they hit the mark. Thank you for putting light on these horrible tactics these narcs employ, Dr. C.

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

You're quite welcome.

@rwdchannel2901 5 ай бұрын

I stopped trying to have a relationship with my narcissistic parents once I studied narcissism for about a year. I was already low contact with them seeing I had to work a lot. Then after going out to dinner with my father I started using grey rock method when he threw an insult my way and all the sudden he didn't want to be around me anymore. He wasn't feeling so superior anymore so he went elsewhere for his narc supply. The final nail in the coffin was when he was driving me home and was laughing about my old junky car to make fun of me and I told him I bought a newer car which he didn't like hearing. Seeing he couldn't be happy for me getting a 6 year old used car to replace my 25 year old used car showed me he really hated seeing me have any success in life. I knew it was time to go my own way.

@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын

Sadly I did as well ❤

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

I know it's nothing like that, but when me and my daughter had to be moved back from university I had a prized wall puzzle that was a gift from my brother that I had glued to hang. It was raining when we arrived to my parents and my father grabbed the puzzle though I pleaded not to. He held it face side up in the rain. It was only a puzzle. I didn't want to be attached to things anyway, I told myself. If something spilled or broke it was no big deal so eventually my things became undervalued. When they were grown and I started wanting some nice kitchen items it seemed like I was breaking some rule. Up until recently much of my things end up borrowed, broken or gone.

@rwdchannel2901 5 ай бұрын

@@caroleminke6116 A lot of people in society don't understand narcissism which is why they don't get why we're not talking to our parents. I was put into a foster home when I was 2 years old because my father was an abusive alcoholic who beat his wife and was abusing me. He fractured my skull by throwing me head first into the back seat of the car and right before being taken away from him by social services he branded my right bicep with a butter knife he heated up on the stove so I would have a way to remember him. Then at age 5 I was adopted into a family that had been a foster family. The parents I had are highly narcissistic. I was one of the 3 black sheep kids below their natural born golden child. It wasn't until my 30's I found out about narcissism and went no contact with them. I really wanted a solid family relationship but all they wanted to do was keep me in the black sheep role. I was done after decades of abuse.

@rwdchannel2901 5 ай бұрын

@@t_nels The narcs love to cross our boundaries. People who've got boundaries would have taken that puzzle out of his hands and told him to show some respect, but those of us who were under the narcs control usually would let them get away with disrespecting us. Now that you've got boundaries people can't do that to you.

@MeCynthiaAnn 5 ай бұрын

WELCOME TO ALLLLLLL THE NEW AWESOME PEOPLE HERE…….WE APPRECIAte you here… please please please keep coming back because that Dr. is so amazing and he will HELP you so so so much and I just want you to know I love you all coming here

@familyofmany4646 5 ай бұрын

Oh wow… the part about the narcissist not washing 😭 It’s my husband. The breath and the hygiene in general. He just won’t clean himself up. I’ve had recurrent UTIs due to this. No one can say anything about it or it becomes a “you don’t love me as I am” issue 🤦🏽‍♀️😭 I don’t know what to do. I’m so grossed out.

@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын

Go gray rock 😊 then no contact

@PeteTash32 5 ай бұрын

750,000 Subscribers! Congratulations Dr C and Gus, you are changing so many lives and helping thousands of people. Truly doing God's work. Well done Team Healthy for all the support and love you give to each other!

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

Thanks for helping us get to that number!

@ro7547 5 ай бұрын

This Midweek episode has been extremely wonderful. I finally realize that my good traits have gotten me into a lot of trouble. My empathy has made me an enabler. Thank you for opening my eyes.

@jeankipper6954 5 ай бұрын

They LOVED me "Defending myself." Gotcha!!! You are playing the game, and they're experts at it. Even more fun when they could triangulate others, that game can take a very tiny little thing and spin many rounds of torment out of it. Far cheaper to leave, and let them entertain each other. I cold turkeyed one, who even tried flying monkeys. Nope. I don't know how that turned out, and I don't care. What did I win? My peace of mind. Let them harvest their own fruits.

@richardjslade 5 ай бұрын

Dr C you are waaaaaaay to rationale and logical for narcissists. Would love to watch them try and respond to these, they'd have tantrums.

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

The key is to stay rational and not get sucked into their chaos!

@lisablair6218 5 ай бұрын

I have been married for 37 years. I love my husband. I think he is a covert narcissist, but I’m not sure that he’s a strong one. The last five years he has spent bullying me, saying hateful things to me, culminating with asking me to leave for a month or two because “you seem stressed. Maybe a visit with your dad for a month or two would calm you down. “I told him I was not stressed and that I had just got back from my dad‘s. I think he enjoyed having me gone. Shortly after that, I found it my sister has stage four cancer and I needed to leave for a month or so to go down and care for her. I calmly said to him, “I guess you got your wish. I will be leaving for a month or so. “He just stared at me as if he couldn’t believe I said that to him. Was gone for six weeks, and when I returned, he is now the most loving kind, gentle, thoughtful, romantic person I’ve ever met. I don’t trust this because I feel like it’s not something he can maintain. My brain is in a whirlwind. I don’t know what to do. I guess I will ride this. “fun train “until it runs out.

@lisablair6218 5 ай бұрын

Little additional information here, when this all started happening five years ago, it is because he made a career choice that I vehemently disagreed with. When I talk to him about it, he told me he didn’t give a fuck whether I stayed with him or left I chose to stay, because I figured this was something that we could write out. But he is persisted and unhealthy choices for our marriage and I have persisted in not supporting those unhealthy choices. But I also haven’t left or asked him to leave because sometimes marriage can have a deep valley that just needs to be worked through. as I have stuck to my guns about the resistant to support his choices, that’s when this ugly side of him popped out. The first 30 years of our marriage, I did whatever he asked, moved wherever he wanted… Essentially did whatever he felt like was good for him. Sometimes it ended up with some pretty bad spots for me, I think the narcissistic part of him was always there, but because I went along with whatever he wanted to do, it was covered up, and I was unaware of it

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

Follow your gut! It sounds like you have already felt contempt. Expect and prepare for anything. It tests the nerves.🫂❤️‍🩹🌹 Try to rest the best you can when your home, alone.

@conniedean3862 5 ай бұрын

You're so right! Always disappointed 😞. There's no changing them into an honest caring person

@annking8633 5 ай бұрын

Radical acceptance: my 97 year old narcassist mom is and always has been mentally ill. I can't fix it and I'm done trying. Free to be. ❤

@Jessica-zf2df 5 ай бұрын

Thank you Dr C for a very informative session today. I have a question that I hope you can answer. ...... I suffer from a condition called 'restless leg syndrome' and take medication to help me sleep. My partner knows about it and how debilitating the condition is. The other day he was telling me a funny (he thought) story about his late mother in law and how she took medication 20 minutes before bed because she had 'jumpy legs or something' ( he said this with a laugh). Then he said how sometimes he would wait til she had taken her tablets and on her way to bed when he would call her back down and keep her talking until she could hardly keep her eyes open and her speech would go slurry. He seemed to think it was so funny and I admit I laughed at the time. But now I keep thinking that actually he was being very cruel and insensitive to his mother in law and was he also deliberately mocking the condition by calling it 'jumpy legs' knowing how much I've suffered from it for most of my adult life. Does this sound like something a narcissist would do?

@amandaliverpool3374 5 ай бұрын

Yes!

@snowbear1877 5 ай бұрын

Dr Carter, how do you respond to people who treat you badly, and then, when you get upset, they tell you that you have a victim complex?

@JimGoatChicago 5 ай бұрын

My narc sister today was 7 hours late to my mother's admission to a memory care unit and missed all of the intake and physical moving of all of her furniture and possessions into her room. Then she showed up wanting dinner waiting for her and acting like she was in charge of the whole process and acting completely oblivious to her negligent behavior and what it meant for those of us who did show up. Her husband (who helped all day) and I let her have it and she didn't take any responsibility for being late. I knew how she was, but, once again, hoped she would rise to the occasion, but no. So sad she can't be an adult and be there for her mother.

@sugarpuddin 5 ай бұрын

I believe the hardest thing when running a business is to admit a particular project is futile; and to terminate it. Too often businesses go down trying to bail water out of a ship rather than switching ships. This phenomenon seems to be part of the human condition. And I think it's wise to be wary. I think one of the best things I did in life was to terminate my relationship with narcissistic parents. This lead to some interesting benefits. Shortly after cutting off their access I started to feel as if my life, my body, was lighter. By accepting the reality and terminating the investment it seems I have simultaneously given myself permission to promote my own needs first. At last I am able to evolve. To be sure, acknowledging the truth about the sinking ship and leaving is hard. War is a historical example of this problem - Nations continue pouring men and treasure into lost causes up until the inevitable end. It is hard to admit and act on truth. Some things are beyond our control. However, I have discovered many rewards for accepting the situation and deciding to fully terminate contact.

@l.5832 5 ай бұрын

In the past 7 years I've walk away from a 23 year marriage to a narc, walked away from a cruel narc sister (my only surviving family member), and walked away from a workplace that hired a narc manager. Part of me hears my now-ex-husband 's voice calling me a QUITTER. But I tell myself quitting something BAD for you is the best thing you can do for yourself. I'm all alone in the world now, but it's peaceful!

@sugarpuddin 5 ай бұрын

@@l.5832 23 years is a very long time. It is a heroic measure to 'do the right thing' for yourself.

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

If they look at it as merely a business transaction, honor that they feel that way, tell them it wasn't a business transaction for you and point out that it has failed.

@MeCynthiaAnn 5 ай бұрын

I LOOOOOOVE TEAM HEATHY

@koma4050 5 ай бұрын

Someone in the chat asked what the meaning of flying monkeys. And someone else stated they are enablers, which is true. They're also usually brainwashed and/or mind controlled into agreeing and following the narcissist which could be their parent, boss, friend, etc. The flying monkey is kind of an assistant to the narcissist in a co-dependent relationship. That's the best way I can describe the term.

@lindalarson5468 5 ай бұрын

Thanks, Dr. C, for your insights and empathy. I think the hardest thing about living with a narcissist is feeling crazy because the relationship and their behavior makes little sense. It really helps to learn about the disorder and understand that one has very little ability to change the narcissist or reason with him or her. When I understood that loving him wasn't enough, that no one was loving me in the relationship and that it was slowing destroying me, I got out. I've never looked back. But I tried for 16 years. Wish I could get those years back, but I guess I could have wasted my entire life.

@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын

You were only his secondary supply mommy from whom he was trying to separate

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

Not only does their behavior not make sense but ours doesn't and they see that as us being complicit.

@nancytwigg4631 5 ай бұрын

I Radically Accept that the good truth is Team Healthy type people is the group of good-minded folks I will work to be around and share my life and my precious self with.

@tcancella7286 5 ай бұрын

10:10 “I can’t care more about your situation than you do” some wise words

@AnneG.315 5 ай бұрын

Is it a trauma bond when it’s between a son and Mom. I have woken in the night ruminating so many times, thinking I can’t believe what has happened. I am working on radical acceptance, however the really hard part is, we got along great with our son for 40 years, his wife made it clear before they got married she didn’t like us- then one comment to his narcissistic wife of 23 years and he started distancing from me until now he has cut off all contact to us, his siblings, for over 2 years our teenage grandchildren have not spoken to us. Our other adult children and grandchildren have been deeply affected, it is heartbreaking. We all live close by in a small town, and watch them turn their backs

@MeCynthiaAnn 5 ай бұрын

OK, Dr. CAR- not even started listening to your video here but I see you posted and I want to tell you I love you andGus and your beautiful wife and family. Hugs from From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA… you have no idea how much you’ve helped.

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

You are such an encourager, CynthiaAnn. It matters!!

@MeCynthiaAnn 5 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you Dr. C I saw appreciate you!

@AAXS-op1vo 4 ай бұрын

Your”raw deal” doesn’t give you a green light to use, abuse and destroy others around you.

@aaronkwolfe 5 ай бұрын

Just re-watched under another login and watched the chat troll repeatedly try to distract viewers, and for the most part, the troll was largely ignored. I saw a couple replies reference someone I've seen trolling in the past, but since that account is one I blocked, I had to login under a different channel name to see the extent. Wow. Goodonya TH peeps.

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

I never saw anyone engage with them but someone who pointed them out. Interesting

@fenixrise1272 5 ай бұрын

Dr C, this talk was great and so helpful again. Thank you! My elderly narcissistic mother asked me again to give her a massage. I do this for my family and I’m good at it. I used to do it for her until her angry outbursts and passive aggressive dysfunction got worse. She knows I can’t pay for her to have a massage somewhere else and she says she needs it for pain. She was physically and emotionally abusive all through my childhood and I have only recently been able to acknowledge the extent of the damage she did to me. I still took her in to help her and she’s been living with me for a couple of years but my body feels sick from being in close physical proximity to her. She didn’t protect me from sexual harassment many times and blamed me for it. She forced me to do small medical procedures on her and my dad. Nothing sexual but still scary and inappropriate. So now I feel that I will be betraying myself if I force myself to do the massage but another part of me says that it’s not a big deal, I did it before when I still was under the illusion of having a great mother, and it shouldn’t affect me so much, and if I just do it, it’ll be over soon. Like I should just get through it. She’ll be furious if I say no. But she’s furious at me for every little thing anyway. Any insight would be so helpful!

@rwdchannel2901 5 ай бұрын

Don't do it. Its not worth your time. She's elderly and she needs to pay the price for her behavior. This isn't about forgiveness, its about self defense. You know she's ambushing you so don't walk into it. Let her know you're not putting up with her abuse anymore. Run away from them and live your best life now. You'll be happy you did.

@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын

Just say NO

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

Don't do it, 🙏🏼please. Do not fall for this. You will almost certainly regret it.

@fenixrise1272 5 ай бұрын

@@caroleminke6116 🙏

@fenixrise1272 5 ай бұрын

@@rwdchannel2901 thank you!

@BaraSchmidt 5 ай бұрын

Catching the replay...belated Hey Hey and Hello Team Healthy, Dr. C and SIR GUS! Another recap of moments in my life! I appreciate the added insight it brings me, even if it is in reflective observation. Stay Healthy! Stay Blessed!

@Cellia836 5 ай бұрын

I gave up trying some people aren't worth the time and effort. I have walked away from some people who I know I have done enough for them, without feeling bad at all about it. It goes back to the old saying you can lead a horse to water, you can't force it to drink at all.

@l.5832 5 ай бұрын

My now-ex-husband often pulled the "I'll apologize if you apologize' garbage. I handled it by saying I would be happy to apologize but he must state exactly what I am apologizing for. I am not writing a blank cheque. He could never come up with anything. When I pressed him on it, he'd say "Unlike you, I don't hold grudges" or "Unlike you, I don't keep score". I would just laugh and remind him he still owed me apology for lying to me, or breaking a particular item of mine, etc. I never let that lame side-tracking work.

@aaronkwolfe 5 ай бұрын

2 songs that make me melancholic about having unsuccessfully dealt with a narcissist: Trying, by Lifehouse, and also Sick Cycle Carousel, also by Lifehouse. They are songs # 3 & 4 on my channel, under Favorite Song Vids tab.

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

I'll look those up.

@jenp5759 5 ай бұрын

I’m going to listen. Thanks

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

I read the lyrics, Aaron. I have noticed you can share a link to a playlist and people can share their music. You may want to think of offering that.

@aaronkwolfe 5 ай бұрын

@@t_nelsYT won’t let me post MY link on another channel. I guess I can only describe it.

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

@@aaronkwolfe Yeah, looks like you would have to put Playlist in share link mode to collaborate. So it would probably have to be on your channel unless someone made one for these things.

@mostHigh23 5 ай бұрын

Hello Dr. C...We love you too ❤️.

@reneelloyd4757 5 ай бұрын

So if you have to go through a drastic awakening when letting go of someone is that process similar to losing someone in death?

@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын

You’re grieving the person that the narc never was 😢 you loved a facade not a real adult human

@bereal6590 5 ай бұрын

It definitely hurts as bad, if not worse as a death. They're a till there but the pain from waking up to it is bad. Harder to shake the grief imo because it seems never ending

@glorytogodhomestead3495 5 ай бұрын

This has been the talk I’ve been waiting for. Thank you. if we could talk more in the future about how this particular victim of narcissistic parents becomes a narcissist, maybe how they use their victimization as their way to suck you in

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

Like, are you envisioning, a toxic family set up in which în laws are so toxic that the child/spouse knows that no matter what they can villainize their spouse and when they want they can discard and become a full member again...restored? Or, parents who are willing to trap a child by giving so much attention to the botfriend/spouse that their own child is kept/owned. I've been really thinking about this question and am back to sleeplessness.

@trudismith9712 5 ай бұрын

Dear Dr Carter, i am addicted to your videos, and i am learning. You are showing us deep unhealthy behaviours which were abstract words to me. (Tyrants, dehumanizing...) I am grateful that i understand now (I think) and can find my inner peace. But the uneasy feeling something could blow up stays with me but i can cope with it. I picked up a book at the charity shop by a British journalist: Jon Ronson The Psychopath Test The journey through the Madness Industry. I am now a signed up member of Team Healthy. Thanks for being there.

@cherylduckworth8185 5 ай бұрын

Hello Dr Carter! I haven't even heard the content yet but I love the title. I finally had enough of one and I had a little reaction. But you'll be proud of me I tolerated it for 119 days. And on the 120th day he called me trash. Well I had a little reaction. Yet not as bad had I not had this teaching. I did use a lot of our techniques to put up with this person and they served me well for 119 days. I work two jobs I go to school and I'm 67 years old. I am not trash. Well looking forward to the video❤ going to watch it now

@treelover1050 5 ай бұрын

THAT GUY IS TRASH HIMSELF.

@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын

Remember projection never lies 😊 rejection is protection

@joanniejohnson9044 5 ай бұрын

I ended a year long relationship. He loved to provoke me with comments. I got so upset that I would block my phone for a couple of days. Then I missed him and would renew the relationship. I realize the Silent Treatment was a way I could hurt him and I feel ashamed.

@user-uq4hh1xh3y 5 ай бұрын

These described testimonials remind me of those that cannot consider another

@ro7547 5 ай бұрын

Thank you, Dr. C. 😊

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

You're most welcome!

@georgeharris7448 5 ай бұрын

Blessings, Dr. C thank you.

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

You are very welcome

@michelepascoe6068 5 ай бұрын

When a toxic grandmother corrupted two children into her flying monkeys against their mother, and they have grown up and continue the cruelty and blind devotion to their dead grandmother for more than ten years, have they become narcissists themselves? Or might they be relationally healthy with others, but just not their own parents? I feel that they must be untrustworthy to everyone because they practised deceit, contempt and talking behind their mother's back for so long and still think she is the unsafe person, without any regret for their actions.

@daviddemarchi9110 5 ай бұрын

Excellent points and I've learned so much. From Canada 🇨🇦 and appreciate Dr Carter

@robinmacquarrie4625 5 ай бұрын

Thank you again and always

@snowbear1877 5 ай бұрын

How long do I have to keep trying with my nephew and his family? I never hear from him, not for Christmas or even my 70th birthday. How long do I keep sending birthday cards with 20 dollars in them to his kids (for which I never get an acknowledgment)?

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

Stop 2024

@nancytwigg4631 5 ай бұрын

This is your year...feel the respect for yourself that you so deserve!!! Stop. Do not send. Take those unacknowledged $20 gifts, deposit them in a special account for YOU, Let it grow towards your very own new goal.

@psalm1197 5 ай бұрын

They don’t acknowledge the cards and gifts because they don’t acknowledge you even exist…..isn’t that enough for you to acknowledge that you’ve been lifted right out of their lives? Please, move on.

@gjthomas9770 5 ай бұрын

The way to know future behaviour is to look at past behaviour 😊

@peggypaine4652 5 ай бұрын

Thank you. Information was very helpful. Enjoyed it much.

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@user-er7si8eb1l 5 ай бұрын

What is the difference between reactive abuse and the narcissist blaming you for how poorly they treat you? He says he’s just reacting to how he’s been hurt, but he keeps texting/emailing hateful things when we have not contacted him in months.

@Barb-iu3el 5 ай бұрын

Knowing what I know now.. Not one minute longer than you should

@user-ws9tb7zt1h 5 ай бұрын

😂I've HAD the EXACT responses as the one lady & I HAD 2 get rid of him before I ended up in trouble❣️ Because I HAD 2 LOVE MYSELF, when his ACTIONS **PROVED** he didn't 🧐So, "GOOD fu**in Ridens"🥰😇

@theoharrington8668 5 ай бұрын

My "narc"relative thinks cause I look at em"with anger,that I want to do em" bodily harm,I just wanted to make my point to em.

@MusikAddictt 5 ай бұрын

This video is exactly what I needed for the things going on in my life currently. All day I've been asking myself certain questions, and I get on here to watch this because I missed it, and my questions were answered. Thank you Dr. C. You have helped me start my path to healing and have given me so much knowledge that I use on a daily basis. I wish I could give you a hug, and give Gus a yummy treat 😊

@jolieoupas 2 ай бұрын

Why can’t narcissists accept a present from their partner and children. This was for his 50th birthday, and we wanted to get him something special. The kids all chipped in as well as they could, and I was going to top it with matching their efforts. Their father then, made this story about me! It was me who wanted the present, because I wanted it for myself. He then went on spending his 50thh birthday with some new friends. And when I think back on other times I was giving him a present, he never ever said thank you. Or worse. He would say it was not what he wanted, It was another gimmick, it wasn’t good. But if I then gave the item to someone who looked at it and liked it, he would say that it was his, and I had no right to give it away. A present he never accepted or touched anyway.

@kathyfraser8085 5 ай бұрын

I'm so glad you addressed the question of diagnosing children and teens. I work with high school students in special ed, and many of my students have high Adverse Childhood Experience scores, and can exhibit all of the behaviors you describe. I wonder if you have discussed the similarities between behavior that is a protective response to trauma (needing to control situations, avoiding challenge, shutting down emotional connections, etc.). Your advice for dealing with it all is just what a trauma-informed teacher does every day! I've used the work of Dr. Bruce Perry (also in Texas!), and his model of therapy align well with your approach; do you know his work?

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

I'm not familiar with him, but I'll look him up!

@kathyfraser8085 5 ай бұрын

His Child Trauma Institute is in Houston, but he works much more widely. My county in Northern California had multiple agencies trained in his “neurosequential” model.

@willgetthere519 5 ай бұрын

Thank you Dr. C for your kindness and decency. Now you have a follower also in Finland. I like your respectful, heartful but firm approach. It's really healthy and helpful. You are like that much needed wise elder to me.

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

Thanks so much...glad to be with you there in Finland!

@mpeniak 5 ай бұрын

Thank you legend ❤❤

@MeCynthiaAnn 5 ай бұрын

You can love them, but you cannot help them because if they cannot help themselves then let them sit

@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын

You love an illusion not a real person at all

@Coral_Forever 5 ай бұрын

Thank you!

@annettet759 5 ай бұрын

Thank you Dr Carter

@monicaesparza5204 5 ай бұрын

Thank you Dr. Carter

@paulapirpignani4802 5 ай бұрын

Thank you.. forever helpful

@fred.k9875 5 ай бұрын

Thanks Doc for another live enlightening video!

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

You're welcome, Fred!!

@amandaroberts6282 5 ай бұрын

I really wish I would have made it but my husband took my phone. Why is it as soon as I start getting better he will do whatever it takes to tear me down. I don’t understand why people want to be so cruel. He name calls be littles and even makes fun of me when I cry…I am lost.

@caroleminke6116 5 ай бұрын

Power over you because you’re his secondary supply mommy he needs to reject in order to attempt separation & individuation but that train left the station by 3 years old when he developed black & white thinking since narcs lack object constancy & whole object relations

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

Amanda, Can you get a secondary phone. Remember to have it shut off when not in use. Let your children know you are not alright with his actions. Call a shelter or a crisis hotline.

@paigebenjamin9767 5 ай бұрын

Narcissist is an adult child No contact is the punishment. Will this ever end

@Rainynight158 5 ай бұрын

I just had to stop at 20:00. You were speaking about passive aggressive behavior (the 50th birthday scenario) and I was thinking about how I should handle it when “I don’t know” or “if you want to” is their default response for yes. So frustrating. Thank you for all you do to help us out here at the NPD circus! ❤❤

@jenniferberger5815 5 ай бұрын

I am married to a man malegnent narcissist actually I've spent every holiday birthday anniversary alone he left me 2wks B4 our wedding renewal and blocked me on all social media threatening me with harassment if I tried to find him no wants a divorce..but won't sign I can't let him go he made me feel that he was every thing I've always wanted but constantly cheated left me alone for days blamed me for everything he never done what he did. Apologies never came it was me making it up. He did it because I was reacting like I wouldn't react if you didn't do what you do!

@lauracoussens6207 5 ай бұрын

That's exactly what they do...lie, love bomb, project and scapegoat. The love was there, but only on your side. Please remember this.

@jenniferberger5815 5 ай бұрын

So my ? Is how to I let go if I feel like he's gna come back and the what if that he made me believe for 4yrs he'd always come back he was teaching me a lesson... 😭

@jenniferberger5815 5 ай бұрын

@@lauracoussens6207he made me feel so weak broke me to nothing and I'm left picking my own pieces up but don't know how to get out of this vicious circle. My phone is closed he knows where I'm at at all times why can't I let go?

@diannewible3879 5 ай бұрын

Guss is a perfect example of being a good listener!

@user-qv9nw1dq2f 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your wisdom dr Carter. 😊 God bless you❤

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

You are so welcome

@user-qv9nw1dq2f 5 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you 🙏

@orbifoldish 5 ай бұрын

Withdrawing (pulling back on trying) also has its drawbacks in the long run… the problem is that there is no winning with this person

@barbarabuttler7647 5 ай бұрын

I've often wondered the value of identifying a narcissist; couldn't we just address each interaction individually? Naming their disorder makes me uncomfortable; I don't want to judge them. The value comes in being able to anticipate their modus operandi and being deft at employing grey rock and enforcing boundaries.

@angiea8022 5 ай бұрын

NOOO!! It's been my experience that my mother (my best friend) whose narcissist daughter will always be her mother's precious daughter. She wants to/needs to believe her daughter is not "like that". (My mom already knows in her heart, but prefers to be in denial. So me and mom don't usually go there.) #2. Your husband is a smart alec? Okay, you know he's a narcissist. So why do you try to have a conversation of any type? You have to understand -- You. Will. Never. Have. A Successful. Conversation -- Not now. Not ever. It will always be an unproductive conversation, and yes, it's maddening. You can play his game or you can STOP playing his games. Your choice, your life.

@bereal6590 5 ай бұрын

Thank you dr c ✋✌

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

You're welcome

@bereal6590 5 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism .😊😊

@WineAndRoses9526 5 ай бұрын

Although those explanations sound logical to us normal people. To a narcissist. If you use too many words with the ones I’ve been around. They are asleep after three to four words. Do you have shorter explanations. I don’t know like “We not 5. You apologize because you’re wrong.” ?

@user-er7si8eb1l 5 ай бұрын

Dr. C, is it possible for a narcissist to treat his spouse/family well and treat others poorly? I think my brother in law is a narcissist and he and my sister and their 5 kids have gone no contact with our parents and my husband. My BIL started a huge conflict and has said some horrible and hateful things, done a smear campaign against our family, has been completely unwilling to work with us to find a solution. My sister is completely on his side, defending him, saying he’s so honest and just hurt. I thought they treated their spouses so terribly, but that doesn’t seem to be happening in our case?

@yanetrodriguezcruz3609 5 ай бұрын

Good morning.

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

Yes, it is.

@user-mf2rp1zm3n 5 ай бұрын

Trying to run my life

@darinsmith2458 5 ай бұрын

A lot of my assets can be defects.. One example is loyalty.. I can be too loyal to the wrong people...

@darinsmith2458 5 ай бұрын

1. Best friend... I try to disconnect from anyone who is connected..

@darinsmith2458 5 ай бұрын

2. Smart@$$.. Even if I blew up at someone that was baiting me I do not need to apologize.. I can if I want.. To me this is more about taking responsibility for myself.. What I mean by that is that I get the choice.. Not them..

@darinsmith2458 5 ай бұрын

3. Set up.. I think the big thing is the awareness.. The choices come from that..

@darinsmith2458 5 ай бұрын

4. Blames and doesn't apologize... If it is all the time then why be around it?

@darinsmith2458 5 ай бұрын

There are 2 sides of the street.. There are 2 sides of the tennis court.. There is what is in my hula hoop and what is NOT.. If I keep the inside of my hula hoop clean and the other person is NOT that is the answer to my question.. The flipside is if they are being an @$$hole then I become one and justify my behavior that is NOT keeping my hula hoop clean..

@deborahnorahmc3257 5 ай бұрын

I understand the lying and the other behaviour of a narcissist to mask their own internal shame. But I just do not see why they fail to have any empathy. I understand they are immature but even little kids are capable of giving another kid a hug if they see they are upset. Why can’t a grown man do it? - a question I’d respectfully like to submit for a midweek session

@SurvivingNarcissism 5 ай бұрын

I'll put it on my slate for next week's session! Thanks for sending it in.

@karencloutier3236 5 ай бұрын

Gus rocks!!!

@theoharrington8668 5 ай бұрын

Dr C,I was hoping for a comment

@user-mf2rp1zm3n 5 ай бұрын

How long they going to harass and follow me around every we're I go

@merleelizabeth 5 ай бұрын

...love to join.....

@merleelizabeth 5 ай бұрын

Thank you....will do!

@kforest2745 5 ай бұрын

Try what? Living or working with a narcissist? Not in any lifetime nope not wasting my time

@jacksg1809 5 ай бұрын

U can be too nice they will walk all-over u ...

@merleelizabeth 5 ай бұрын

Is this live chat always on Wednesdays? If live to join but don't know how....

@LinYouToo 5 ай бұрын

Yes. There is a notification of upcoming webinars and you can set the alarm bell to be notified

@aaronkwolfe 5 ай бұрын

Subscribe to the channel to get notifications of upcoming streams. This one is at 11am, Central USA time (GMT -6) on Wednesdays. Chat is open when stream is announced, but early chats get deleted when page refreshes. I, and some others, show up an hour or so before the stream to chat and catch up. It tends to scroll pretty fast during the stream.

@merleelizabeth 5 ай бұрын

Thank you.

@cheezitsw3279 5 ай бұрын

I still don't know what's so "radical" about "radical acceptance". It sounds like plain old acceptance to me.

@aaronkwolfe 5 ай бұрын

I'd think the difference is in the outcome. Regular acceptance (I'd think) is where you see the benefit (or perhaps none) of accepting. Radical would (again, my opinion here) be where you'd see the net loss ahead, but go ahead and do it anyway. Any gain would be intangible. I'd think the terms acceptance and forgiveness would be interchangeable.

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

@@aaronkwolfeso radical acceptance is with or without Contact/No Contact?

@aaronkwolfe 5 ай бұрын

@@t_nels T, I don’t think contact needs to be a component of this. Do what works best for you. I think the acceptance/forgiveness aspect is the part where you take care of yourself and let go (even if is just to begin that process). I don’t want to make a sweeping generalization about contact.

@t_nels 5 ай бұрын

@@aaronkwolfe Let go or shut down/ indifference? Idk if it's one or the other or one before another.

@aaronkwolfe 5 ай бұрын

@@t_nels I’d think “letting go” is more profitable. When I forgive someone, I let go of my “right” to avenge, punish, or teach them a lesson. I do not need to keep score. I do not need to outplay or outthink them. I let them walk away, forgiven. Vengeance isn’t mine. And I’m okay with that.

@CamGoesCamping 5 ай бұрын

Thank you again, Dr. C! These lives are such a great learning opportunity! I have another question that I have been thinking about recently. What are some of the ways that we can tell if someone is a covert narc or just a passive/dismissive person? I.E. This person is willing to watch their spouse verbally attack and lecture his adult son. Are they afraid (or don't care) to stop the spouse (passive person) or are they getting supply themselves via the more grandiose narc? I suppose it could be a case of flying monkey as well...

@user-mf2rp1zm3n 5 ай бұрын

Hidden under mattress try to play physic games with me 😅