I like the fact that you’re very very clear on what are the acceptable terms of engagement. Thank you for your response.

People should be up front about what they want. I tell anyone who is interested in being with me right up front that I will never be monogamous with them or anyone else. If they take the out, no hard feelings and no harm done. For the most part I don't encounter that dilemma anymore as I only get involved with people known to be non-monogamous.

@@kenofken9458 I appreciate that and I think that that is very cool.

Blanca, so sorry you discovered this...but also relieved that you know what's going on. Sitting in limbo is true torture. We are doing a specific type of dating or we are just in a vortex of confusion. Just know that I'm here for you if you need assistance.

The only answer is to let go. I should know better. It's just so hard right now. Thank you for responding. I am new to your videos so mentally therapeutic for me.

@@blancaperez1850 I’m happy that you have found this channel. It is a wonderful place to associate with good people.

You are safe here and you are welcome. We have a very good community of followers and supporters.

Dylan, this is very important internal knowledge. I have many gay clients that were trying to "amend themselves" to the wishes of their partner. And that means non-monogamy or open or poly. And they were struggling desperately to hang onto their partner in the hopes that, at some point, "maybe" that dynamic would change and monogamy could be possible. But their transit to this 'hopeful outcome' was so painful, that they finally had to reach out for help. But Dylan, you are not unusual. Many of my gay clients only want monogamy. They've either tried to do it the other way and failed, or always known that romantic design was there authentic truth. Thank you so much for your commentary and for your share.

@@SusanWinter thanks for the reply Susan, I just know with someone who has a problem with alcohol, my addiction would arise to cope.

@@dylannicks1146 again, excellent knowledge that you know how to take care of yourself.

@@SusanWinter As a non-monogamous man, I will tell you that gay or straight, don't believe that you're ever going to change one of us or be the one that "converts" us to monogamy. It isn't going to happen, anymore than the "right woman" will turn a gay guy hetero. For most people, monogamy or non-monogamy is, if not exactly an orientation, nearly so. It's in a person's wiring. And those of us who are not monogamous should never lead anyone on to believe that we will change for them.

Are you able to tell your prospective partners with ease? I’d love to know how you frame it and exactly how you position this for the best results

@@SusanWinter It's just sort of a band aid that has to be ripped off fast in a sense. I tend to date and socialize to a large degree in ENM communities of one kind or another so in those circles it's not some big dark secret that has to get aired out. Non-monogamy is the norm and assumed. Of course there is still plenty that has to be discussed if a new partnership is on the table because people have different relationship models etc. When it comes to people outside of that, generally if I become deep friends with someone to the point where we share details of our personal lives, I usually end up telling them. A lot of times they're curious to learn about it but will say they don't think its for them, and that's fair. I have one such friend who I think had some level of partner interest in me but doesn't want to be "in the mix". But we're still friends and in a way have an emotionally intimate relationship. I've found it's best not to shop for partners the way you would try to hire candidates for a job. My overall goal is to have really good people in my life, and let the particulars of how those relationships work happen naturally. Some will be platonic friends, some FWB, some life partners and those things can evolve in different directions over time. Sometimes it happens that there is a real mutual attraction between me and a regular monogamous person. In that instance, it's the band aid ripping thing. I just tell them, "here's how it is with me". Sure it can be disappointing for both of us, but putting off that talk will only make it harder and if you deceive them, you're going to have bad drama and a breakup. It's just not worth it. Even if a monogamous person says they are willing to accept that part of me and be with me anyway, I'd probably not want to go down that path. I've tried that once and seen others try it and it just doesn't work well. The monogamous partner might love you and try their very best to go along, but in the end knowing I have others is just too emotionally difficult and painful for them. I think it's not too different in some ways than when a gay man tells a woman smitten with him "look, I really love you as a person, but..." I'm glad we're reaching a place where people can more openly admit they're non-monogamous. Historically we've been conditioned to think it makes us a horrible person or that it's just some phase to grow out of. I think one of the common causes of divorce has happened because one and often both partners who really weren't monogamous by nature entered traditional marriages due to family and social pressure.

@@kenofken9458 Ken, this is absolutely brilliant. No thank you for giving me such a detailed account. Considering that you begin with ENM communities, that removes a huge barrier. I don’t think most of my followers are aware of these things and I’m constantly trying to create connections for people that are truly authentic to their disposition. I must commend you wholeheartedly for your honesty and your integrity. Can you imagine the freedom that so many people are not accepting in being honest with themselves and then being honest with their partners? you see all of the comments on KZfaq about people who have been played and used and Love bombed into physical submission- only to discover it was all a game. Sincere thanks for who you are and your approach. I really appreciate reading your commentary. ❤️

I’m full of surprises! Thank you for watching and following my channel!

You are welcome, Winter Queen. And by the way… I love the name!!!

So the great question is, why would you want him? What benefit does he bring to your life? Is he edifying your day-to-day life or is he creating drama and anxiety?

@@SusanWinter Thanks for responding Suan, I appreciate you. Yes he’s causing me lots of anxiety. I wish I wasn’t so attracted to him. I’ve had bad dating experiences with emotionally abusive-ish people in the past so he seems kind and sweet compared to them. But wanting what I can’t have feels abusive anyway ha

Polyamory is a whole different discussion. And that is exceedingly transparent. At least the classical structure. I think a lot of people confuse non-monogamy or ethical non-monogamy with polyamory and they are very different.

You have got to be kidding!

How do you handle discussions around that when you initially meet somebody?

@@SusanWinter when they ask what I’m looking for I explain myself or if it’s been going on for a while and they haven’t asked I bring it up before real emotions develop. Most people will try to change my mind by sticking around so there is definitely more than one discussion being had in the grand scheme but honesty is key

@@yeuruuerueeheue excellent. I’m always curious as to how people share this information with those who are assuming monogamy is the format