This morning I looked out & saw my car, which surprised me, because last night I distinctly remember putting it in the garage. Then it dawned on me - the garage had been stolen.

"I like to reminisce with people I don't know"

I like to reminisce with people I don't know. That one always gets me.

His droll delivery of quirky one liners never gets old. And you have to be paying attention or else you’ll miss a fast ball. So funny. Thank you.

I clicked on this video by mistake. now when im on youtube i like to watch this guy by accident

It makes me happy to see a Steven Wright video with this many views.

What's great is there's absolutely nothing dated about his material. It's over 25 years later and it's all still hilarious.

A lot of people are afraid of heights, not me, I'm afraid of widths. 😅. Always been a favourite comedian of mine. Makes me happy just because he exists. ❤

I think this guy is one of the best comedians of all time.

"I'm having deja vu and amnesia at the same time" hahaha that left me in tears .

He has no expression when he is delivering his material my favorite comedian of all time

80% delivery, 20% content. It really doesn't matter, he's hilarious.

Man with wooden legs and real feet. How does he even write these? Genius Steven.

His timing and delivery is awesome. I love his sense of humor

Steven just announced his book ("Harold") on Stefhen Colbert's show (January 2024.) He wrote it by accident. He also recorded the book and says it is great to listen to while reading music.

This man is hilarious. It seems that he influenced comedians like Mitch Hedberg and Demetri Martin a lot.

Steven Wright always puts me in a good mood.

He's not really burned out. He just doesn't live like a playboy rockstar. He made his money and now just hangs out with his comedian friends. He's not living on past glories, he's living comfortably in the moment. He is a lot like the late Mitch Hedberg (minus the drug addiction).

Brilliant! One of the best stand-up comedians, EVER!

What a memory this guy has!

I wish he kept going strong all those years since the 80's. He was Hedberg before Hedberg.

Steven Wright is positively the best comic . Barr none! We listened to him back in the eighties and he's every bit as funny now. AJD

Haha...."hey is joey there?" "yes he is" "can I talk to him?" "no he cant talk right now he's only 2 months old.." "okay I'll wait" :DDD so great

This man is a genuine comedic genius

This is hilarious and strangely unsettling at the same time!

Speed limit joke is fantastic. My favorite joke of his is working at the fire hydrant factory

Funny, clever and intelligent without profanity!

My friend said he's scared of Santa. He's claustrophobic.

One of the best comedians of ALL time

This dude is straight up one liners with a kinda dry delivery...but I can still dig it...clever and unique for his generation, even more so in present day...

I love his presentation. Hair, clothes the way he talks. So awesome.

He's the greatest 1liner stand up ever

The head of the Foreign Language Department went outside to paint a copy of Monet's waterlilies. I asked him why, and he said he needed brush up on his French.

"French toasts during the Renaissance" and "I hit a bookmark" got me so hard. This is genious comedy. Timeless.

I love this guy

A needed balm for our currently weary souls (10/15/18).

I was recently in a speed reading accident.......hit a book mark!!! LOL

This is a real comedian. Clever, funny. This is humor!

Stephen Wright was "The guy on the couch" in HalfBaked. So funny...

"Just checkin'" Hahaaaaaa! That got me, man! This dude is amazing!

Brilliant. He and his writers are in another dimension.

STILL THE BEST COMEDIAN OUT THERE!

When he said the French toast joke my eyes lit up. What genius.

They said I'm a deadpan comedian. I said I didn't know any living pans.

It's funny because he is Wright.

I downloaded the audio for this, I listen to it every day. Never get tired of it, still havent stopped laughing.

Steven Wright, Mitch Hedberg and George Carlin. There should be a comedian hall of fame with these three the first inductees. Awesome.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know LOL

How can he not laugh at his jokes?

The king of dry humor

One of my favourite comedians

It’s funny but honestly it just makes me think times were so much simpler and easier back then that this kind of comedy was SO funny.

timeless and genius ...much love.

One of the funniest people Ive ever seen. He and Richard Jeni.

Everything this man says is a paradox

It blows my mind that he can remember all of these one liners

I don't understand why some people don't find him funny. He's like the ultimate straight man. No emotion whatsoever. Lol.

"I put spot remover on my dog, now he's gone.." 🤣🤣🤣 laughed at that for 10 minutes!

If you watch interviews and keep up-to-date with him he has more jokes, and is still immensely funny. That mindset did not die.

I first saw this guy long ago and felt then that he's somebody different -- brilliant. I never knew his name till just now. I felt then on first seeing his shtick that he would prove a brilliant screen writer and producer of sorts, only to realize that -- mirabile visu -- in addition to being a comedian, he is, in fact, an award-winning film producer also!

"i spilled spot remover on my dog now hes gone,"

My friend's an artist. He volunteered to canvass the neighborhood.

this guys is a genius

god what a great audience

"do I know you?" haha love you

Besides the absurd brilliance of his material he's doing the hardest thing any comedian can do: joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, one after the other.

I texted my daughter (age 24) a Steven Wright joke and asked her if she knew who the joke was from. She had never heard of Steven Wright. Wow! Anyway, she LOVED the breakfast joke!

I also love the one about his first job. He says "My first job was teaching schools of fish how to turn in the same direction at the same time" and would do the movement with his hand as he said it. Love his comedy.

Just saw him on an episode of "Louie" on FX... made me smile big time

love this guy

This man is a genius!

One of the greats.

He's so damn good, how does he remember all those one liners?!

Hehe indeed, this also striked me... it's probably his monotone voice and the plot of each one liner banging in in the end.... I only just discovered this guy some days ago and he is like a heroe for me already :-)))

3:38 My favorite comedian

He influenced Hedburg, Luis CK, Demetri Martin and more.

Brilliant.

great story!

Still hilarious at the end of 2020

The guy is a genius.

I'm guessing he was an inspiration for Mitch Hedburg

Ever seen this guy smile? anyone?

Anyone believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

LOL i actually fell off my chair @ the cinema and barbeque joke

This guy started it, but mitch perfected it. I love his scene in So I Married An Axe Murderer.

Don't listen to them. Steven Wright released a stand-up album in 2006, and through the 1990s was quite well-known as a writer and filmmaker. It's a myth that he "wrote himself out" of the business, and he is still viewed as one of the best comedians of all time.

6:11 the skiing joke is my all-time favorite

If you like to laugh then prepare for alot of stomach pain.The jokes Steve has is deep but hilarious.

Top 10

when i watch a 10 minute clip of steven wright it takes me an hour to watch it because i always have to pause after a joke and get all my laughs out during the paused moments.

I wondered why he drinks so much water, it's cus he's so dry!

Hed be so much more appreciated now adays

He is hilarious I love him on dr. Katz

@ROSHSK88 - the easiest way is connect a lead between the headphone socket of your computer and the mic input of your recorder. Watch the output level on your computer!

Wed. Oct. 14, 2020 Last night I was having beers and the neighbour across the hall knocked on the door and invited me over but I told him if he wanted to he could come by my place and have a beer on the balcony with me because I was listening to music. He did and we talked for a while. It was weird as usual I guess from my side also because I'm still bitter about everything. Yesterday at the grocery store I saw a thin blue-eyed white being and all I kept thinking about was Mrs. Rust and her saying "You say when". I don't know what to think about all that. I don't know what to think about anything these days. I was thinking about Kym and her daughter, was wondering how many other girls can understand what I've been through and how many actually have their own children. Since no-one will be honest about anything I guess I'll never really know. I think its disgusting no-one will tell me anything, but I really know that a bunch of weird beings with really twisted up eyes are all over and the world is fucked and no-one says anything. I still have a feeling they fucked my eyes up at Hakim optical with bum glasses, and since I can't get proper help I don't know if they'll ever be fixed. They tried to damage my teeth, my eyes, they've been doing disgusting things all my life. Is there anyone human enough to care, that's what freaks me out the most, no-one acting as though they care at all about anything. 2. All I know is I can't be the only woman they've done this to, so there must be someone out there who cares and understands. 3. I went to the neighbour's and bought a pack of smokes with my last five dollars. Had two sips of a nasty beer. I've been thinking about what I saw in Calgary and the mountain. The rest of Ontario except certain places are in a haze and everyone else is gathered in certain places, and I'm isolated from anyone who speaks like they used to. I get this feeling they're trying to doom me here. I know I did nothing wrong to deserve what's happening to me, and I know they're doing horrible things to me like the poisoned water I'm forced to drink here that makes me sick sometimes and my glands swell, and I know I had nothing to do with the water but the emptied the highways and swarmed me with traffic as I crossed Canada when I was made homeless. And I still can't figure out why no-one stands up for me or says they know me. There's definitely more fresh air on the mountain but also very strange and apathetic beings all around there. I'm sure the east coast is as developed as the west coast was, except B.C. for some reason. One side of the mountain was packed, the other side almost completely empty. I know I didn't have solid friends but I still find it hard to believe that no-one will stand up for me and say who I am and that they know me as being who I was for most of my life in this city. 3. I went to the neighbour's and bought a pack of smokes with my last five dollars. Had two sips of a nasty beer. I've been thinking about what I saw in Calgary and the mountain. The rest of Ontario except certain places are in a haze and everyone else is gathered in certain places, and I'm isolated from anyone who speaks like they used to. I get this feeling they're trying to doom me here. I know I did nothing wrong to deserve what's happening to me, and I know they're doing horrible things to me like the poisoned water I'm forced to drink here that makes me sick sometimes and my glands swell, and I know I had nothing to do with the water but the emptied the highways and swarmed me with traffic as I crossed Canada when I was made homeless. And I still can't figure out why no-one stands up for me or says they know me. There's definitely more fresh air on the mountain but also very strange and apathetic beings all around there. I'm sure the east coast is as developed as the west coast was, except B.C. for some reason. One side of the mountain was packed, the other side almost completely empty. I know I didn't have solid friends but I still find it hard to believe that no-one will stand up for me and say who I am and that they know me as being who I was for most of my life in this city. 5. I've been thinking and talking at myself about the music scene that surrounded me, how I was isolated and hassled from the bigger scenes until I was hanging around a small scene of mostly talentless and boring music. Considering the horrible things they're doing to me I have a feeling that most in the music scene I was around, music wasn't their first and foremost intentions. Alot of them were in universities or colleges and now I'm nothing but a toy for demented cowards. I was thinking about all their gossip about others I hardly knew when they'd come to my house, and how much they must've been gossiping about me. I was thinking about how many of them started saying their parents were sick with something and on medications. Real musicians should be original and melodic and someone must've said something about that and why they got more and more competitive. Since most music these days is unoriginal and gimmicky, I don't know how many are real musicians anymore, and maybe that's why my artwork and music was stolen also. These things are all afraid of me finding someone who truly cares about me. They're afraid of me gaining independence and freedom and they constantly harass and manipulate and test out different poisons on me. I need to get away from this situation. I need to find real people with real emotions and morals, not these sick fucks who do nothing but abuse and harass and poison. I need to find real musicians. 6. I decided to look on Facebook again to see if I could find anyone I knew and they're showing excerpts of something I've written before, but has been changed. When I looked up Matt Riley again, pictures of him fat showed up on my phone, but no pictures of him when he was thinner. When I was in Parry Sound and getting drugged and shocked I spelled his name O'Reilly. That's how evil they've been to me since my life fell apart. A picture of him with Desmond also showed up. Desmond isn't fat yet and apparently they're still buddies. But when I met Jeff, the guy that was playing with Carlos, he wasn't fat. Then one day he was. So many of them in that scene get really fat somehow. They also put false searches on my Facebook and elsewhere. Matt's face looks really mean also. It's amazing how quickly they all change but other than how they scar my face, I never do. 7. Even Tim Smith was on the fat side one year he visited us and he said it was the booze, but then he was thin again. Desmond was attacking me as I was losing everything, he's not fat. Keegan was thin then fat. Does anyone stay the same as I do? 8. The other thing I find weird is that almost all of them moved out of the city before everything went to hell. And many of them reappeared in my life before it all fell apart. Both Kym and even that guy I hadn't seen in years Martin, both showing up at the Beerstore. Why and how did they all visit me once or invite me to a show, then almost all moved away and then my life became a mess and no-one will acknowledge a damn thing that's happened to me or been done to me? When will someone tell me the truth? 9. And what about all the outrageous and weird things they were saying? You know when Mardy came to visit me and I was already divorced, if I was even legitimately married, and he was saying weird things like he was charged with harassing a chick or something and that he was sleeping with his girlfriends daughter and all that as I was sitting on the porch with him, and I was barely responding at all? What was that about really? Why was everyone starting to gossip about those I hardly knew at my place? Mike talking shit about those I hardly knew, Carlos talking about Mike and Erich and they joined a band together and are good friends. Why was I told that guy at the show downtown where I was punched in the kidneys and had my foot stomped on, why was I told the guy there was Jay, when when I look back wasn't nearly as bulbous as I remember him? Why all the dramas? Why all the lies? Why did Desmond start attacking me for no reason whatsoever and I don't know him very well at all. Why did he invite me out for dinner only to attack me? What is all their incentive for everything they did? 10. I think whatever has always been behind my phones are disgusting. I was watching videos on KZfaq from Fawlty Towers clips and the episode with the O'Reilly men and I was getting drugged and then realized I couldn't think properly, and I'm sure that's how these faceless cowards cross signals in the mind. But making me an experiment and case of study for eight years without telling me is evil and against my human rights. And why do they think they have the right to do that to me? That time that I walked downtown and was outside of what I think was Ryerson and that little dark guy who was at our show at the Sports bar that closed down and was one of only five or six in the audience came outside and saw me and put his hands together and looked up and was smiling. How many of those nasty, talentless music scene things were really only teamsters of my manipulation? How demented are they and what the hell are they doing in my life in the first place? And I'm sure that was the guy who asked me for my autograph after that show on a napkin and I thought it was weird then. What were they setting me up for? And Greg and Cheryl were there and Alex Erdhardt and maybe Brian Middleton, but no-one else. What were they doing really?

Tues. Dec. 29, 2020 Last night I had five beers, played guitar. I feel ill this morning. My gums were bleeding yesterday. I shouldn't be forced to drink poisonous water since I didn't do anything wrong and they should've confronted me years ago. Anyway, I guess today I'm going to have to go to the east end and pay the pawn shop and that John Wells guy. The idiots woke me up again this morning the usual way, yelling and banging on doors. I remember some of my dream. Sometimes dreams can be so realistic and scary. Sometimes they can be really amazing as far as what we can experience without actually dying. I used to dream about tornados alot when I was with Alex. I had another one of those dreams. There was a guy yesterday who didn't have to wear a mask, and wasn't bothered at all when he went into the gas station. I don't think I should be forced to wear one, it's ridiculous. 2. You know these little old ladies that are losing hair and getting sick? They didn't dump in the water I'm sure so why are they getting poisoned? I didn't dump in the water, and I still find it ridiculous they don't even talk about it on the news, not that I see, but I haven't have a T.V. in years and I suspect when I do see the news it's different than what others see. Someone should talk to me honestly, I can't say that enough. 3. I went to the east end, paid John back, his wife and him gave me a tea mug. I paid the pawnshop but Presto is ripping me off again. My card stopped working yesterday and today they said because I didn't register my bus card they couldn't transfer the funds I had leftover onto my new one I was forced to purchase. I called from Main station in front of their Presto machine that had a weird camera on it or something. The first guy I talked to sounded familiar almost, then the second chick I talked to sounded almost like my welfare social worker I have now. She accused me of liking to yell at strangers and I wasn't telling, I was talking loudly. I told them its the second time I've had a problem and they force people to use them if we want to ride the TTC and that its a monopoly and their buisness is a scam. They also want me to photocopy all my bank statements and tax information and hand it to this building which is not being fair or honest to me to be approved for another year of Toronto Housing. I still don't understand how they can all get away with what they did and are still doing. 3. I've been playing video games, listening to all the yelling across the hallway. That never seems to cease. I was thinking about that drawing I want to do which I know is truth. It's going to be a bunch of apartments in the background with balconies like troughs and peoples heads sticking through cages on their balconies staring at television attachments, maybe some Kraft Dinner boxes and other cheap processed foods. In the foreground will be a bulbous thing with a top hat and a monocle with a big huge burger in his hands sitting in a chair, and across from him a lanky thing with a huge nose and a paunch with a top hat and monocle with either a chicken in his hands or eating it and in the sky above will be fangs and eyes and innards hanging from it's teeth. In my opinion that's reality and the manwich. However, I still remember Alex and one of the last times we went out together and he took me to that Sushi restaurant where that chick put fish flakes that wriggled on top of my pasta. I still say the three figures only care about meat and money and obviously some of them like their meat more raw than others. I don't think raw fish is a necessity, nor raw steak, nor three dead birds stuffed into each other and deep fried. I think all of them just want to kill life, eat, make money and keep the rest of life ignorant and stupid. They say they're coraling people to protect them, and I say it's strange to have everyone locked up in a city whilst life dies everywhere else and people's freedoms are denied and survival in nature is practically impossible now. I think that's their real motivation for everything and to get rid of dirt like me, which is why they isolate me and deny me access to real legal help and also portray me in a bad way to the public without me knowing, but I can figure it out from how they behave and what they insinuate. I believe in myself, despite their cowardly, insinuated accusations of me.

His name is Steven Wright, he's definitely not Wrong that's for sure.

I want what ever he's smoking !

THX!

East German Shepard. So friggin funny.