My Dad Told Me A Lie | Tom Segura Stand Up Comedy

My Dad Told Me A Lie | Tom Segura Stand Up Comedy | "Mostly Stories" on Netflix

Рет қаралды 4,002,809

2 жыл бұрын

Tom Segura’s dad told him a lie, which Tom was confidently spreading as truth for 15 years. Watch the full stand up comedy special “Mostly Stories” on Netflix.
tomsegura.com/

Пікірлер: 1 000

@somatic47 2 жыл бұрын

Tom absolutely nails the kid story telling 💀😂😂😂

@accuratealloys 2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like Trump talking.

@romaresbarnettjr.2643 2 жыл бұрын

@@accuratealloys on god bro 💀

@evanmcgillicutty3808 2 жыл бұрын

@@accuratealloys sounds like Biden talking

@jamalwilkins6951 2 жыл бұрын

@@evanmcgillicutty3808 oh brother

@harumaru9609 Жыл бұрын

@@evanmcgillicutty3808 accurate ✔

@jesse4550 2 жыл бұрын

Can we take a moment to appreciate how accurate that kid story was. Holy fuck, it’s like pulling teeth to get them to form a coherent sentence!

@CorvoFG 2 жыл бұрын

Tell me about it. It goes on for like, five minutes and you still don’t get to the point by the end of it. It’s exhausting!

@DylanOvertimeWinner 2 жыл бұрын

Have a toddler. I’m like “where’s the end of this fucking story?!”

@eileensnow6153 2 жыл бұрын

And the sudden increase in volume when they detect they’re losing your attention…

@Foxxie0kun 2 жыл бұрын

My cousin's kids are turning 6 and 3 this year. The almost-3-year-old is almost as good at enunciating words properly as his older sister, and his older sister is notorious for admitting to breaking the rules or trying to break the rules and somehow getting upset when she's punished for misbehaving or trying to misbehave. This brat will put on youtube videos on her tablet even though my cousin, my mother, and everyone else knows that she's to lose access to the tablet for the rest of the day if she gets caught, and this girl will still talk about a video she saw on youtube that day. Of course, admitting it after the fact always results in the tablet being put away so she won't have it at all the next day, but she still hasn't learned the value of dishonesty or shutting up if she wants to actually get away with breaking the rules. Neither of these kids want to leave the house my mother and I live in (Mom's the kids' great grandmother), and usually throw a big fit when it's time for them to go back home (It's literally a walk down the street to their unit in the mobile home park). I can't stand kids at the best of times, but through some miracle I have yet to actually start shouting at them. I get tempted, though, they definitely shouldn't be so disrespectful to my mom or their parents, and they've put me on edge about leaving anything I own anywhere that they can access them (The older one has already dumped out an entire bottle of hand soap just to put water in the bottle for some reason).

@danieltobin4498 2 жыл бұрын

Well of course, they’re idiots who don’t know anything

@seanstapleton8046 2 жыл бұрын

The child impersonation was spot on! I wonder how many times he had to talk to himself just to get that right

@TheSokodelic 2 жыл бұрын

I think he would just talk normally..😅

@robins.9700 11 ай бұрын

His rendition of what it's like when a kid tells their first good story reminds me of when my oldest son told his first good joke. He'd been trying and failing miserably for a couple years at that point to tell a joke that not only made sense but was funny. Finally, when he was about 5, he asks me, "Mom, what do you call a cow with no legs?" And expecting one of his lame ass punchlines, I go, "I don't know son, what?" And he goes, "Grouuuuuuund beef!" And by itself it's kind of a lame joke, but it was the first one he told that made sense and was kinda funny so i died laughing. Today my son is 13 and fancies himself an amateur comedian and keeps me in stitches so it paid off lmfao

@keztukariri 10 ай бұрын

Lolzzz thats awesome 😂 my nephew is exactly the same and now thats hes started high school, holy crap he just gets funnier and omg so witty for a kid! 😂😂 being hillarious & making people laugh is truly the best thing, next to kindness, that a human can be in my opinion 😊😊 well done mama keep up the good work!

@davidmreyes77 2 жыл бұрын

Tom Segura is like a Bob’s Burgers character come to life.

@OMGtheykilledKenny42 2 жыл бұрын

He sounds slightly higher pitched than Bob.

@ogmickeydiamond 2 жыл бұрын

@@OMGtheykilledKenny42 he sounds JUST like Gene

@jonny_codphilo7809 2 жыл бұрын

what?

@jonny_codphilo7809 2 жыл бұрын

@@ogmickeydiamond nope

@billyshea2405 2 жыл бұрын

Geneeeee !!!

@BusyBasaz 2 жыл бұрын

"There's no greater feeling than killing the enemy" -Tom's dad I don't care if that bit is true or not. To me, it's a FACT.

@InsomnoManiacal 2 жыл бұрын

Precise

@King-vf5pg 2 жыл бұрын

@@InsomnoManiacal 1King

@King-vf5pg 2 жыл бұрын

@@InsomnoManiacal unstoppable BLACK DRAGON

@InsomnoManiacal 2 жыл бұрын

@@King-vf5pg down with the sickness?

@Daveed1984 2 жыл бұрын

Gotta love Top Dog

@thatguyoverthere5570 2 жыл бұрын

I've listened to this kid story telling story like 20 times already never gets old

@andraebruce6453 2 жыл бұрын

it neverrrr got old

@layZvaporvape 2 жыл бұрын

He’s probably older than you lol

@BillPenny 2 жыл бұрын

have you ever had a dream...?

@BenDover-gg4ku 2 жыл бұрын

Have you seen this video of Criminals Fainting in Court? 😂 😆 kzfaq.info/get/bejne/n5xdgrej38izaH0.html

@lovesthebass 2 жыл бұрын

OMFG when he was telling the story as a child I was DYING. That was 100% accurate.

@Balloon410 2 жыл бұрын

So being a psychopath runs in the family.

@fourplayee 2 жыл бұрын

We appreciate your honesty and coming to terms that you’re a psychopath and it runs in your family. It’s the first step to recovery ❤️‍🩹

@SkateSka 2 жыл бұрын

@@fourplayee Recovery from being a psychopath? Never heard of that happening.

@daanisch 2 жыл бұрын

you’re like the modern equivalent of people that make up stories of vampires and werewolves in the past to come to terms with the symptoms of psychopathy in other people

@charliestevens2256 2 жыл бұрын

Tom’s wife loves the Ring.

@justinpettit8282 2 жыл бұрын

@Jo P or are you just a Pychopath trying to trick me nice try wise guy

@willgates9381 2 жыл бұрын

When Tom called his dad he said “Hey Buddy” lol

@barombolobombolo1501 2 жыл бұрын

@Schobe-wan Kenobi who is his dad?

@Daveed1984 2 жыл бұрын

Toms dad answers his call by saying "hey buddy" and ends them with love you too buddy. Top Dog is a Legend

@jarnold1789 2 жыл бұрын

@@Daveed1984 shout-out to all my jeans! Top Dog is the man. Knowing his humor makes this so much funnier

@malkinmalone 2 жыл бұрын

@@barombolobombolo1501 Fucking top dog dude. Get your life together!

@aliyarubinstein6587 Жыл бұрын

@Schobe-wan Kenobi how do I find the podcast bro

@alysshart7522 2 жыл бұрын

This is extremely relatable, especially the rambling story about the kid with the yellow cup.

@AllroundSwizzy 2 жыл бұрын

Blue cup? Red cup? Idk 😭

@ClaudieMoosh 2 жыл бұрын

The voice he uses for his dad makes me die every time I hear it lmao

@anttam117 2 жыл бұрын

I love these crazy stories about Tom’s dad. That man is an international treasure, Jesus...

@michaelelliott1212 2 жыл бұрын

The kid telling a story reminds me of the "Did you ever have a dream..." kid. Priceless.

@MrRoss-jz7fx 2 жыл бұрын

My dad totally screwed me over as well with that shit... Sea salt, is the salt they put in the ocean...at 4 yrs old, it's believable... At 17, it's just sad... Needless to say I had to learn how to fight early in life...

@jtr10411 2 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@alcoholic9496 2 жыл бұрын

Boy named Sue.

@Kaluka101 2 жыл бұрын

@@alcoholic9496 Ah yes, Sue Ross

@PeterLawton 2 жыл бұрын

My mom said my twin and I used to engage in a lot of backbiting. I said I didn't remember it at all. She kept a straight face and said there was blood. Only later did I learn it is a figure of speech. To this day, I'm still pretty gullible.

@jamuraisack5503 2 жыл бұрын

My oldest daughter was convinced until she was like 8 or 9 that A: you plant jelly beans to grow an easter egg tree, and B: the ends of hotdogs are seeds to plant and grow a hotdog tree. She planted each. I got the tree ready overnight. 😂

@roosterj2599 2 жыл бұрын

Kid stories are a ton of information trying to squeeze through a tiny hole all at once. Tom does a great job.

@OliverFlinn 7 ай бұрын

Ayo

@Donovankemp00 2 жыл бұрын

Tom's life seems like a social experiment that is in too deep to end

@gracehaven5459 2 жыл бұрын

Spot on lol

@ZacCardno 2 жыл бұрын

This bit is constructed sooo well.. todd is a wizard

@thesumsbot355 2 жыл бұрын

I was just thinking about how smooth the tranistions were

@jvo8068 2 жыл бұрын

Who’s Todd? This is Tom

@Lodurrson 2 жыл бұрын

It’s Tim

@jvo8068 2 жыл бұрын

@@Lodurrson it’s Tom

@sethman1591 2 жыл бұрын

@@jvo8068 big whoooosh

@lifewithbranh 2 жыл бұрын

“GO FIND MORE STORIES LIKE THAT” Why’d he said it like Ragnar Lothbrok from the Vikings?😂🤣

@cameronwilson6479 2 жыл бұрын

‘Hey, were you outside?’ ‘YEAH!’ ‘Why don’t you dial that back, that was crazy’ 😂

@ashchaya7676 2 жыл бұрын

1:50 If ever anyone needed a perfect case of how delivery makes the joke, this has to be one of the best. "Mother FUCKER!!" hahaha!

@sakinahabdulrahaman1331 2 жыл бұрын

as a preschool teacher that is 100% how kids tell stories

@gooseguy815 2 жыл бұрын

When I was like 4 or 5 My dad told me frisbee golf catchers were bear traps. Youd put meat inside and the bear would put his head through the chains and get stuck. Saw mfs playing frisbee golf when I was like, 16, and went "Why are they throwing frisbees at the bear traps" and the look on all my friends faces will live with me for the rest of my life.

@brada1803 2 жыл бұрын

Good true stuff! I remember the term "soup or salad" as a kid, thinking they said "super salad" and I would always just respond with the answer of - Yes!

@Cartier_specialist 2 жыл бұрын

You win the Internet today.

@rkwatchauralnautsjediparty7303 2 жыл бұрын

That’s what dads are for.

@montuckyman4982 2 жыл бұрын

@@brada1803 When they say "soup or salad' salad , I say no, just the regular one.

@agoogleuser14_ Жыл бұрын

2:00 is deadly accurate 🤣🤣

@12what34the 2 жыл бұрын

3:10 "How was that?" "I have... when Je- when Jeanette came by, she- she didn't- she brought the yellow cup that she didn't wanna kick the ball back, but I said can- if- cuz Bryan's cup is red, that if you- if you- if you don't- if you don't have it now, then you don't- you don't have to bring the bl- the cuz the blue one that Jane has was with her. I said if you don't have it, you can- you can use mine now but then- then-then next it's my turn" "That was a great fuckin story, thank you.......Jeeezuss"

@stacatalina 2 жыл бұрын

Perfect transcription, lol! Thanks!!

@Favouredmojoe 2 жыл бұрын

I love it when he yells, DAAAAAAAD😂

@roadlesstraveled34 10 ай бұрын

Omg spreading gossip is literally the best thing about any job, he's so on point😂😂

@mavenfrankeus7287 2 жыл бұрын

New item on his resume: I also had the weirdest injuries trying to dunk a basketball.

@danytalksmusic 2 жыл бұрын

Tom is more convincing as a child than an adult 😂

@DeadlyDave94 Жыл бұрын

I have had too many conversations like this with my Dad... he just convinces himself of made up crap and tries to pass it as fact. So relatable, well done!

@Jamie_Pritchard Жыл бұрын

Only discovered Tom this week and he's one of the funniest comedians around today. Really cracks me up 😁

@LeonSKennedy602 2 жыл бұрын

My dad use to spread the rumor that Chuck Norris was dead and it was right before all the “Chuck Norris jokes” and to this day you can ask my dad if Chuck is dead,and we will say “Yep,been dead” 😂

@nicholasherbert4263 2 жыл бұрын

I was literally crying and my sides were on the verge of cramping at the little kid part.

@bhanunihale4576 2 жыл бұрын

I wonder if the rumour ever went all the way to tommy lee🤣

@eastern2687 2 жыл бұрын

I am telling sh@t about Steven Seagal to this day, not mentioning TLJ sexual orientation. Never gets old.

@feYslYa 2 жыл бұрын

its probably tommy who told him its false inf

@victorrain 2 жыл бұрын

It wouldn’t surprise me. It’s like how the South Park sketch about Brian Boitano went from person to person until it reminded actually got to the skater!

@Bigfitz2 2 жыл бұрын

It has now 😂

@LetsSeeYourKungFu 2 жыл бұрын

His Monday morning was spot on too. "FUCK!!"

@Clinton221087 Жыл бұрын

Tom is my favorite comedian out there right now and has been for a couple of years. Love this guy.

@bikerftw2167 2 жыл бұрын

There’s a tweaker in my neighborhood who’s stories are EXACTLY like the kids stories.

@miguelgonzales8887 2 жыл бұрын

Sorry about that. I get crazy when I’ve been up for a long time.

@lisbethbird8268 Жыл бұрын

Yup try adult ADHD poster child. Measure remaining patience. Count how many times you need to repeat yourself. Deep breath.

@karleymickelson1865 2 жыл бұрын

Tom, I appreciate your toddler impersonation. Sounded just like my 4 year old. 🤣🤣🤣

@PerfectlyImperfct 2 жыл бұрын

"Go get more stories like that" 😂😂😂

@mikefm4 2 жыл бұрын

I love how his dad was so cocky with his ‘…yeah’

@justinharvie8126 2 жыл бұрын

Rest in Peace, Top Dog. Always loved hearing his "Hey buddy" on YMH and the stories from these comedy specials were always so fun to hear.

@ImperialValues 2 жыл бұрын

Well played.

@kristandagley7089 2 жыл бұрын

Instant gratification. And his evil deep giggle gets me every time.

@bodenlosedosenhose1590 2 жыл бұрын

Respect for memorising the words of a kid's incoherent rambling. Then again ... if you slipped, nobody would notice, anyway. 😂

@thiagorevelles3042 2 жыл бұрын

This dude looks like Will Forte after a year in Macdonalds.

@michaelsuezo Жыл бұрын

i like how Tom's stories flow. theres a comfort and ease to them thats nice to watch and enjoy

@BrokenArrowsInc 2 жыл бұрын

The impression of a kid telling a story is spot on.

@YourLoyalHighness87 5 ай бұрын

3:43 Lmfaooo he literally just described my nine year old. Also, when the parents aren’t together anymore but the kids still spend time with both they go from one to the other not even knowing they’re ratting one out to the other every time lol Man this guy reminds me of my really good friend since childhood that passed away last year in December from being homeless. I miss him so much. But this dude is a lot like him so I’m thoroughly enjoying it

@GuerillaWelder 2 жыл бұрын

When I was 4 I told my first good story. I told my mom that black ppl had to marry black people and white people had to marry white people. My mom flipped, got my dad, he flipped. Both of them wiling out and they asked me who told me that. Not where I got the idea from, but who. I panicked and said my daycare teacher. They got in the car and drove me to daycare at NIGHT and confronted this poor confused lady I still remember her face when she sputtered, "but my husband is BLACK!" I don't even know what happened just that they moved me to a different daycare. I got the idea because my mom was breeding rabbits at the time and it was important not to cross breed them so the black rabbits had to bet kept away from the white ones. Holy shit Segura just released a core memory. Whelp. My racist ass momma had segregated bunnies so I've been cancelled since I was potty trained 🙃

@lisbethbird8268 Жыл бұрын

Guffaw! Seriously. But we do not in good concience, throw our innocent daycare teachers under the bus. It makes total sense you blame it on Mom and her rabbits. Have you explained to parents since that long ago hilarious misunderstanding?

@FGTRTD24 2 жыл бұрын

Tod has come a long way.

@mattalluisi3954 2 жыл бұрын

He needs to make his own steaven segall movies

@askthepizzaguy 2 жыл бұрын

I would pay full price for a Tom Segura is Steven Seagal movie. Holy shit it would be such a good burn on Steven.

@farahdiyanah4037 2 жыл бұрын

I started wheezing when he talked like a kid.

@jemmavigor4263 2 жыл бұрын

Love this…so many parts and let a little each time. Killing it!

@shenmoney 2 жыл бұрын

15 year firefighter/fire investigator right here. It's more intricate than that, but when giving out info to the news, it's not much that can be said without using terms that would have them, and the viewers, totally fxxkin' confused. So yeah, keep it as simple as possible. 🤣🤣

@daltooinewestwood6380 Жыл бұрын

I have to know how long it took him to rehearse that babbling child story. If he did that shit on the fly, I’m mad impressed

@11kele 2 жыл бұрын

I am laughing so hard now, because I also heard from someone that he is gay, at least 10 years ago. Man, you really told everyone because that information spread all over the world.

@Oscar_AH Жыл бұрын

Watching this on Monday morning, gives me some motivation.

@zackbryans4982 2 жыл бұрын

I honestly can't wait for the next special

@Frindy360 2 жыл бұрын

Hells yeah! I needed to hear some funniness lmao. Ty. I can definitely relate lol

@charlesward6217 2 жыл бұрын

Cant wait to see you in Dallas in January!!! Favorite comedian!

@papimargiela8131 2 жыл бұрын

1:58 waking up for school

@ketan5272 2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, specially on Monday😒

@DrDavenstein 2 жыл бұрын

How have I not heard of this guy yet? That was great! :D

@stewarthuval9693 2 жыл бұрын

I love hearing about his dad I can relate

@paveldrotar4493 Жыл бұрын

This was so brilliant!

@jamesnewman8011 Жыл бұрын

"Today's gonna SUUUCCCKKK!", I felt that in my core being..

@kayakking2543 2 жыл бұрын

Got a ticket for your show at the Masonic temple in Detroit 2022 floor seats row 3 baby. Seen you in 2019 at the fox for the ball hog tour. Can’t wait!!!

@StanStacks 2 жыл бұрын

If you get a chance to speak to him would you mind saying, “Brian, said what’s up.” It would make my year man

@hithere4719 2 жыл бұрын

Get that $15 he owes me while you’re at it. Thanks 👍🏻

@jamesbond8348 2 жыл бұрын

They do shows at Mason Temples now. That's wassup

@Stef23 2 жыл бұрын

I just had the exact same conversation with my bosses kid man that was fucking accurate 🤣🤣

@moisesmunoz7366 Жыл бұрын

Me right now “MTRFKR!!!” Monday morning. 🤣🤣🤣

@mckdar01 2 жыл бұрын

OMG MARIA, gonna need to hear more of this story

@lablifted2528 2 жыл бұрын

This guy is hilarious

@michaeltonikov 2 жыл бұрын

loved the new clip Todd: cool stuff neat stuff sleek stuff. I turned into a telescope

@BotchedGod 2 жыл бұрын

Such a great bit Tom thank you

@danofiremano Жыл бұрын

Perfection!

@tylerbraud5960 2 жыл бұрын

Tim looks at least 40 in this, the guy ages like a chocolate lab

@80bbygrl 2 жыл бұрын

Best comedian EVER. Thank you for NEVER holding back and being so offensive 🤣🤣

@Dubai_Fine_ 2 жыл бұрын

this is one of my fav

@sabercruiser.7053 2 жыл бұрын

love this guy

@Enjoymentboy 2 жыл бұрын

I've been trying to figure out who Tom reminds me of and it finally hit me: A cross between Jon Lovitz and Michael Peña.

@Neat0_o 2 жыл бұрын

Lol I have two sons and they absolutely talk like that 😂💀

@zechariahcifuentes7002 Жыл бұрын

He did the perfect impression of my nephews 😂

@Brandon-co6es 2 жыл бұрын

Him telling the story as a kid reminded me of that little brother from the show F is for Family

@819cracker 2 жыл бұрын

You kno what you kno what

@esrilk 2 жыл бұрын

When I was a kid my dad told me Jack, the mascot for Jack in the Box, was born that way.

@bighomieJ5X 2 жыл бұрын

So spot on with that kid telling a story 😂😂😂

@TheMadnoe Жыл бұрын

Anytime I m down or feeling in need of a laugh i turn to Tom, love him so much ! and now that I know he is married to Christina I love him even more 😍😍

@IVYALEX 2 жыл бұрын

Fantastic comedian ! Fantastic!

@Tavicious 2 жыл бұрын

Lmao I remember when someone spread some “TRUE” rumors about me and when I got asked I simply “oh nah, hell no” and everybody forgot about it. LOL

@julianmitchell5776 Жыл бұрын

This dude is hands down funnier than any of the others in the Rogan group . They’re all funny but he’s the funniest for sure

@batmansavage9121 Жыл бұрын

My favorite comedian

@thesnakeman8006 2 жыл бұрын

6:31. This part still gets me, LoL

@bignoknow 2 жыл бұрын

You’re the best Tom

@NobleHam Жыл бұрын

Honestly, my favorite part of this is the simple "Now we should." Such an equanimous response.

@f7eak Жыл бұрын

So great

@heatherp.4504 3 ай бұрын

Best ever 😂I’m crying laughing

@HyphyJuice916 Жыл бұрын

My nephew will get stuck on certain words when telling a story like, "and the and the and the and the..." which makes my girlfriend and I laugh uncontrollably. It makes his lame stories so much better.