From a very young age(3-4) I fantasized. As my life got more chaotic, I went deeper into them, removing myself from the world around me. It was often the only place I felt loved and cared for. In my fantasies, I was respected and admired. I didn’t have to prove my worth. I think I got addicted to them. It became the only place I wanted to be. I took low paying, boring jobs so I could be in my fantasy world and look busy. I’m now 66. All those stressors are gone now. I’m left with nothing to show for my life. All I did was survive. To what end, I really don’t know.

It seems to me that our culture fosters these kinds of disorders to a much greater degree than in the past. Media, advertising, and also educational philosophy encourages a preoccupation with success, prestige, being special, glamour and so on.

You are very right, that there's some oscillation there, between the grandious and the vulnerable traits in NPD. I too observed it within the same clients, and I'm very fascinated to hear it's not just random observations. We know all disorders fall on a spectrum, and no single person is frozen in one state of their disorder, it does however seem peculiar seeing the switch in such a drastic way. Thank you as always for your insight, I'm a silent viewer but thought I should drop a comment to let you know how much your takes on different topics are appreciated!

I have these fantasies. They are so embarrassing. I only now realise what they are. It's a way of pumping up a very low self esteem or more accurately to get love and admiration that you didn't have when you were young. Basically feeling very unpopular and looking for that still. I always hate it. I know when I have these fantasies of achieving things it means I won't achieve them as I am satisfyong this need in my mind instead of putting in the effort. It really feels like the devils are laughing at me in this way. Mocking me with these fantasies. But I have alot of empathy. I also think these fantasies are a way of soothing childhood pain. I mean children fantasise till a certain age and then it becomes unacceptable.

This spotlighted a past relationship with a seemingly sweet-n-shy yet somehow troubled gal but who more likely wrestled with v-npd or perhaps discouraged-bpd. Even so, instead of remembering the relationship as a vexing casualty, I will now view it as a valuable learning tool. Thanks, very well worth watching again.

I come from a severe narcissistic family tree and discovered this at age 35 (3 years ago). My take on 'vulnerable' is that it is way more deceiving and creates co-dependents (me) who learned to listen to drama 24/7. The pain and recovery is done by really recognizing the drama and learn to not get caught up into this type of manipulation. It takes a while and can be done. A good book for me was 'Complex-PTSD from surviving to thriving'. It saved my life!

It so happens that someone very close to me is afflicted with verbose redemption fantasies about an abusive father whose "ass she kicked" and who was "afraid of her". None of the fantasies she spins are true or even possible. 😔 This was particularly interesting to me. It's way more than sad what abuse can do to a person. Thank you, Dr. Grande.

Dr Grande, thank you for helping me understand

Taxi Driver, love that movie. At the end, she’s in the back of his taxi and she tells him she read about him in the newspaper.

I would love to see whether there are certain differences in brain structure and function regarding those with a diagnosis of NPD and sub-clinical presentations. Thanks! That was fascinating!

Excellent video. So so true a vulnerable narcissist will have fantasies of becoming an overt narcissist.

i bet almost all true narcissist would preffer to think of themselves as "grandious" instead of "vulnerable"

Dr. Grande, thank you for the explanation. More videos on differences between grandiose and vulnerable NPD would be very much appreciated!

Thank you. This video explained to me awkward behaviors of my ex-partner. They are a vulnerable narcissist. I could never understand why they would engage in outrageous fantasies and promises they couldn't possibly deliver and at times switch to a self-pity party. Now it makes sense. They were just living through a cycle of fantasy and struggle to become a grandiose narcissist. It was a vicious cycle and very damaging. I tried to help but it only got me hurt. Eventually I decided to leave. I wish I did it sooner.

Fascinating ideas as usual. Thank you!!

Thank you for taking your time in creating all of your content, it has been such a greatly valued resource for me in both personal and professional manners, and appreciative as always for your insight, expertise and then to actively process all into very in depth, understandable and engaging online content here. It is so truly valued, and so very informative, helping me as said, in multiple areas within my own life. Thank you for sharing all you do with every video you create, I have been educated, given topics to consume, and better my learning onwards in this ever evolving sphere of which deeply I find joy in developing myself in all ways with such greatly sourced and accessible freely too, which is again so very much appreciated. Thank you Dr Grande.

This is one of the best videos on KZfaq period.

Very helpful, excellent . Thank you Doc! From yr London fan! Seriously , Dr. Grande, you are brilliant. x

Alright... I really am trying to fight the inductive reasoning here that I'm so predisposed to, but this description you've got here of the vulnerable narcissist fits me, especially that last theme. I'm not sure how badly I got it in childhood, yet here I am with aspirations of dominance and obsessive past revisionist fantasies since childhood. As for the rejection thing, I was never interested in a "relationship" and I haven't had any real friends for years, but for all the effort I put into trying to impress others, I sure do get ignored a lot! If I catch hell for being rude in a place, or suspect I may, I can't bring myself to showing my face there again for a while. I'm doing it to myself, out of fear. In any case, I like your videos on these personality disorders. Very insightful and professionally done such that the facts are there without some effed up personal narrative staining it. Kudos.

You diagnosed me as a vulnerable type. Of course I am analysing myself based in your descriptions and my childhood experiences, I could be wrong. I make a tremendous efforts on daily basis to be in touch with reality, or at list be aware of reality. Perhaps that these last 12 consecutive years I've been isolated as a caregiver, felt neglected by close friends, etc. Is kinda hard sometimes because isolation play a lot of tricks in my mind. Hope and pray that awareness gives me the chance to find healing. Thank you so much Dr.Grande

Very interesting as always, Dr Grande. Thank you ☺️

Fascinating video. Thanks Dr. Grande 😃

After listening Your videos, I am sure i m a vulnerable narcissist... Took a lot of courage to write this !!! Your Fantasies examples are spot on!!! I hope to transform myself by gaining insight through your videos 🙂

Such helpful content. Frankly, it explains behaviour that could be described as bizarre unless contextualised by narcissistic fantasy. Thank you.

So agree with you. I have daily interactions with one of each type and you described them perfectly.

I just wrote a long comment and then lost it because I am on my phone. Your videos are VERY HELPFUL. I WILL TRY TO REWRITE IT WHEN I HAVE MORE ENERGY. thank you so much!

Thanks for another very enlightening video! I got quite surprised when you mentioned your experience of vulnerable narcissists desiring (so to speak) to become grandiose narcissists, since that has been one of my pet theories as a layman :). And it makes sense to me from another viewpoint; if vulnerable narcissists are more psychologically struggling (doubting, being neurotic etc) it would be more psychologically beneficial (less painful) for them to be less of that, and instead, more overt and grandiose.

Very good and thought provoking thanks Dr. Grande!

Wow, thank you, that really explains a lot. Thank you so much.

Another Great video, Dr. Todd! I really liked the part when you started talking about vulnerable narcissism fantasies in popular culture and envisioned you doing a spin-off channel where you analyze popular movie tropes and compare them to DSM typologies. I would totally subscribe! First episode: Revenge Of The Nerds?

Very interesting, fascinating, educational well presented material . Thanks

Thought provoking as always! Thank you Dr Grande 😀

What was most interesting was that this gave me an opportunity to access my own character and my fantasies. Regardless of having what I, today, would call ineffectual parenting, coming from a totally Dysfunctional parental home, I somehow survived, sorta. I always felt empathy for those less fortunate than I. I was never bullied and I doubt I would have allowed it. But I was as tall as most boys and athletic. My only inadequacy was not being able to concentrate in school, following grade school, therefore I became boy crazy. Having low self esteem is easy to disguise, complicating so much. I suppose this is where self confidence or awareness develops or it doesn't. We usually fake it until we make it. My entire adolescence was spent faking it...and this has been my entire life since the 7th grade. My pursuit was for self understanding and betterment of my capacity to provide for myself financially. I was raised with denial of openness and honesty, therefore, I had no interest in grandiose fantasies or a pretend life that would make myself feel or look better. I do remember a dream in which I was holding onto a rock and flying in the sky. But something shot me down and I had to come down to Earth. I was in my early 20's. So obviously I did have some unreality happening, somewhere, somehow. I believe this dream gave me the impetus to begin looking at my dreams seriously. (Hey! I'm yakking just like a Grandiose Narc...maybe I'm a different breed of one. Ya think?)

Excellent lighting and camera work. Nice background too!

Love these videos!

This is interesting for me because i wondered about a person i knew who i suspected was on the narc spectrum, however i started to doubt this was the case due to an increase in quite aggressive behavior and comments over the course of years. In time they became more assertive and condescending and your theory of the conversion from vulnurable to grandiose helps me to see that regardless; it is still very possibly narcissism.

Super helpful for understanding and correcting the 'InflictedonAnother' part of having had a Facticious disordered Mum

You are SO right about movies based on redemption and revenge for people who have felt vulnerable earlier in life....one can see WHY a vulnerable narcissist would work hard to overcome what they once saw as their limitations and the fantasies would be highly motivating.....the overweight girl who loses the weight go to her high school reunion and wow all the guys who wouldnt date her and to get revenge with the mean girls....many many popular themes stem from insecurites, overcoming these insecurites and an often over idealized estimation and fantasy of how terrific life will be once they see themselves as winners, etc I have treated depression in women who lost weight thinking everything about their lives would change once they lost weight and then being depressed by their own unrealistic expectations. Many fantasies and issues women have are around appearance. Women recognize that for men, a womans appearance is a major component of a womans attraction. Young women, and increasingly our culture has morphed into middle aged ones, getting lots of procedures to in their minds, upgrade their appearance to attract a man.Plastic surgery has developed less and less invasive procedures over the last two decades and women dont wait til 50 or 60 to get procedures done as they once did...mini lifts, botox and a PLETHORA of procedures have proliferated...so have videos and bloggers geared completely to appearance. I have seen a radical shift in these issues in the past 20 years. We dont see any on how to attract a man by getting your personality issues improved through therapy, the ones that drive men away, like an obsession with appearance, desperation to find a man with the MEANS and willingness to help them constantly tweak their appearance. Men kncreasingly are sayi g they meet too many wlmen who are high maintenance when tjey are dating...they say they want women who care as much about them as they do about their own appearance etc. They say they want a woman they can relax and enjoy life with. I see in wlmen especiaññy but in some men too. increasingly LESS acceptance of normal processes like aging, slow changes in appearance...in some women fears of aging and a normal less youthful appearance may not reach clinical levels of obsession amd compulsion, but they are haunted by a cloud over their life satisfaction and they have difficulties maintaining or making new relationships due to the amount of thought, concern, insecurity etc thay have around issues of appearance. The culture is changing and getting more intense around superficial issues of appearance....more orthodonture, more grinding down of teeth replacing them with posted reconstructions...we didnt see braces on 50 yr olds in the past. Lasix eye surgery at 40. Women in their 30s and late 20s getting Botox and other injectables. Instead of major facelifts at 60, now we have smaller surgical procedures starting earlier and earlier, thread implants etc etc many more botched procedures needing correction etc. I see far more pain: psychological, long term physical pain from permanent nerve damage....even some addiction to pain relivers beginning with botched cosmetic procedures, financial and relationship pain over this increased focus on appearance at earlier and earlier and later and later ages...you really hit on something here.

I kinda chuckled a bit about the vulnerable narcissist fantasy of "I'll show them", because this is how tons of women cope with breakups. Get a new haircut, start working out, take up interesting hobbies, buy new clothes, etc, initially from a place of "They'll see what they're missing now". In fact, it's greatly encouraged in friend groups ("You were too good for them, they'll regret it now that you're gone, they'll come crawling back"). Granted, the hope is that eventually, it moves from "I'll show them what they're missing", in that vulnerable state, to "I feel better about myself now, I'm ready to move on with my life", versus staying in that place for years. But this isn't just in movies - it's everywhere.

Holy crap Dr Grande. You have assisted me in cracking the safe that is my mother in law. I'm not going to tell my husband about the fact you just perfectly described her and her behaviour, in a few concentrated videos! Because he's been trying to explain it for almost 15 years now 😂 He totally has her figured out, he just couldn't transfer that knowledge to me in any format I could understand. We have the most toxic relationship (but you already knew that 😂) I've just wanted peace. Which has been close to WWIII... Any tactic I've tried from my perspective has blown up in my face. I knew I wasn't doing something right (approaching from my perspective,approach our personalities couldn't be more different. It's seriously so much better now.

Great explanation … thanks for sharing!

Justine I would agree as a retired clinician. The grandious are happier in life because the people around them see a doctor or lawyer as a valuable thing. The vulnerable is about the world didn't see my greatness. I have seen malignant vulnerable s who also are antisocial and machievellian. So it's a great degree and the vulnerable could be quite vindictive towards others to add the antisocial stuff. They would fantasies about harming others or going after people who have done them wrong. Grandious I'm being recognized for being a wonderful surgeon.

Hi Dr. Grande, thank you for this video! Could you do one about a "case study example" of schizotypal personality disorder?

I know narcissists can be dangerous exploitative people. Your aim is to inform and spread awareness. I'm sorry Dr. Grande Please keep doing what you do. Your work is highly appreciated

I love these videos and the breakdown is clear and concise--My main questions and concern is for overlapping traits/behaviors between narcissism , bipolar disorder, sociopathic tendencies etc. Even when Dr Grande separated them they seem like symptoms could overlap and difficult to discern what the person is suffering from. Also the fantasies explained seem like they could apply to a person without narcissistic personality disorder "fantasies of being in a position of power" "sense of entitlement". Superficial charm is also just about any man working in business or sales..you have to put on a mask for clients for example.

I just wanted the 400th comment - and say that these videos are soon informative, thanks Doc!

Can you make a video about the halo effect and how accurate it is?

💯 Rescripting the past for vulnerable narcissists!!

Thank you for the video, Dr. Grande. I'm fascinated by the distinction you've traced between the time-orientation of the fantasy theme. I've skimmed the two papers you mention and only found the reference for the future-oriented fantasies. What is the main bibliographical reference for the connection between fantasies and time? More videos in this direction would be greatly welcome!! :) Thank you in advance for your help

"Themes of rejection and redemption": that's exactly it! I should have heard that explanation earlier, before I heard from my former friend statements like "They destroyed my country, and I came to this country to take revenge", "People get promoted up to the level of their incompetence", "I am glad that conflict is finished; it could have got really ugly, because I don't lose fights", and - to top it all - "You know who else has a character similar to mine?... Jesus Christ". All of that would be said with a typically mournful and stoic gaze into the horizon. There were many other such examples, as well as a lot of gaslighting. It astonishes me now how brainwashed I must have been to keep stifling my initial shock at such statements and to rationalize them to myself as just awkward jokes or as signs of his sensitivity. I took me several years to finally witness that wallop of hatred and aggression that he was hiding inside, even trying to hide it from himself.

I agree. The only note I'd like to make is that in Big 5 extraversion equals optimism, and introversion equals pessimism. And no surprise that an optimist is grandiose in his thinking (making a grandiose narcissist), and pessimist keeps sliding into depressions (making a depressive narcissist)

Wao this is quite on the spot. The vulnerable can actual transition into the grandiose coz av seen evolve before my eyes. Once appeared taking the back position avoiding being noticed and keeping a low profile but as he worked so hard at his work and he became noticed he got promoted more. Then as he rose to managerial position his demeanor changed. He became very haughty, arrogant with his head tilted above as it to say he was equal with God or something like that. It waa kind of revealed yo me as I watched conduct himself. Thats when I began to search out what was with him and the so called mask was falling off and he dint seem to care. Have noted the rejection which he has been fulfilling on me and the revenge is a major one for them. Unfortunately there were issues at work which led to being suspected, theres court case involved and its as if hes gone back to being vulnerable. I concur with what has been discussed.

Married to an extreme Grandiose. His fantasies used to drive me crazy because I thought he was really going to try for his fantasy, and the fantasies were way out of the park. His mother told me; "Just don't take his fantasies seriously". Well, he was the son of a Major General at the Pentagon and then retired, became a Big Pharma CEO, therefore, the Golden Child, and the unfamiliar family dynamic was truly pathological - Looking back and healing. There was a Repetition cycle that became clear after years and after final Discard of me. Every time he would assuredly fail, the parents rescued him by picking him up brushing him off and giving him (us) a fresh start, over n over, and my ex could play his dad like a fiddle; a very toxic dance between them hard, and yrs for me to see. I've seen the ex walk in his parent's house with a certain "aire", (signal) that would make his General Father submissive to him like walking on eggshells. Just Bizzare.

How do I know for sure that I don't have vulnerable narcissism? I have fantasies in which I finally prove myself to people because in reality I'm really shy and introverted. I do have fantasies of becoming more extroverted and more interesting, I imagine myself as the "class clown" the one who always makes other laugh but I'm still somewhat in the center of attention in those fantasies. I'm not vengeful though, I rarely hold a grudge. But when something happens and I'm supposed to show myself, my abilities etc I shy away and retreat myself. In reality I'm uncomfortable with being in the center of attention even though I fantasize about it. I'm uncomfortable when people compliment me in front of large number of people, I feel kind of ashamed. Sometimes I think people are thinking about me but often in a negative way, I do have fantasies of people hurting me because I'm a masochist... I don't know what to think, I'm really confused.

Interesting topic . 💮

Very good observation!

I have vulnerable narcissism. Almost all humans fall into the narcissism ranges because it's a defense mechanism against the shame and hurt from childhood. A counter reaction towards in my case a cold mother when I as an adult woman have to be my own mother now and love my body excessively ha maybe put more effort into it than a non neurotic person would. My brother has grandiose narcissism. What is happening in my family overseas is chaos. I am in the middle of ultra narcissistic people discussing inheritance and it is Not fun at all. Productive criticism from me towards them leads to zero decent outcome. The car turning only right is a good metaphor for this. In my case it appears to be even less doable than the car that only turns right. I think the tires are also out of air. Jiddu Krishnamurti discussed this with David Bohm and David Shainberg in Brockwood Park, England in 1975 and David Shainberg called it the yank back effect. One can only go so far before being yanked back. The tolerance zone is very narrowed down to where I have no idea how to move forward in this tippi toeing scenario.

My favourite fantasy is being a time traveller, to see where we go.. where we have been, my passion is geology( geologists are time travellers 😂 ) and it's incredible, our earth, it's beautiful 💖

A narcissistic relative of mine will actually track people down who wronged him when he was a kid. He is in his 50s.

I agreed with what the commenter down below said about consumer culture being a prime conduit for these disorders, but I'll also add that the internet and social media is an even more omnipresent conduit than that.

Oh, wow! That last fantasy for vulnerable narcissism made a few things fall into place.... Over 6 months I watched my narcissist change to grandiose.... The abuse changed and went to way more confrontational and violent.

I grew up with a stepdad who had NPD and I can't seem to get into any kind of close relationship unless that person is also a narcissist, or at least has some serious tendencies. I can't seem to get away from it. I feel like I can't even get close to someone unless they have these issues, it's like I am continually abusing myself or at least putting myself in positions to be abused or used. This has been a decades long process of working on myself through the trauma and I am still a complete mess with such extreme panic attacks that I can't even move at times. One thing I notice with narcissists is that they hate seeing you cry and will get angry at you for crying. I had someone tell me I was being the angry one while I was just sitting balling my eyes out and shaking from sadness. It's as if he had to twist reality to justify his own behavior and mindset instead of seeing what was truly happening

Is it narcissistic to have fantasies of being a superhero or having a dream job like a star athlete? On the one hand, these sound like fantasies of unlimited success, but on the other, fantasy by definition is supposed to be greater than reality. Is it really narcissistic to dream big?

very interesting!

Agreed with the whole video ❤

The closing Now i know when i talk about x there will be alot of x formula really works on everything

half of people are undercover narcissist here typing: oh.. god help us and keep us away from those monsters 😂

Thank you for the great content! I'm learning more from you than my clinical classes lol. This construct 'Vulnerable Narcissism' is new to me and I'm interested in studying it more. I'm curious what would be the typical behaviors associated with this? For example, we associate manipulation, greed, gas-lighting with Grandiose Narcissism, what would one expect to see exhibited from a person with this? (i.g. language, external actions, lack of actions, mannerisms, etc.) Thanks so much! 🙏🏾

Perhaps you have covered this but if not could you do a video explaining what the tipping point of vulnerable narcissism and grandiose where it becomes pathological?

This video validates my research on my coward narc husband. A step uncle (new) once told him during a gathering that he should quit his new business that he is making a mistake. My husband has just ventured into business at that time. I remember years later my husband told me how wrong that step uncle was that he made a jealous remark and gave bad advice and must have come from bad intention to make my husband give up on his business and wanted my husband to fail. And then my husband said look at me now, im successful and i proved that step uncle wrong and he gave malicious advice years before and i proved him wrong. It was very strange and very bothering to me how my husband emphasized that him working hard and being successful as a result and connects this achievement to come from a motivation to prove somebody wrong. I thought working hard is for own goal and own self and own satisfaction. But then i just emphatised and listen to him expressing himself. Because i love communicating with him at that time. Because i didnt know what i was dealing with at that time. My point is my husband was bitter and he remember years ago what happened in the exchange.

A close friend of 13 years just cut me off after I told him I couldn't listen to him talk about being an author anymore. It was a fantasy he had created for himself and that he claimed to be living for years. Maybe he would get a small paid gig here or there but it consumed every Interaction he had with human beings. I've been trying to understand why this criticism made him want to end our friendship. But these videos are really helping me grasp the situation.

Dr. Grande all this makes sense. The most outrageous narcissistic fantasy I have heard so far is when I heard a very rich man who owns at least one large yacht say to the public that ahead of time he can in a dream see his what his next child [or grandchild[ren] are going to look like.

Wow I had no idea, I had an ex who had the exact example vulnerable narcissist fantasy! So interested, thanks for the content

I'd love to know more about how and why a narcisst might evolve from an covert style to full blown NPD. Family patterns? Narcisstic injury? Unresolved issues? What makes this occur? Thanks for considering this video. As always your videos are super helpful. Thank you.

Great Information

This is so much better than a lot of the info flying around the Internet atm. Do you have a book suggestion? . (Ideally available on kindle)

Dr grande, you’re the best. ❤️

This is excellent information, as always. I know I should probably go find a video more relevant to the topic, but the interviews of Dr. Reid with James Holmes have been showing up here on YT recently. I watched the trial in its entirety and found Dr. Reid to be an absolutely fascinating witness, even challenging linguistic tricks of the attorneys and explaining them to the jury. With all the interviews he had with James Holmes available today, what are your thoughts on his ultimate diagnosis? It’s been several years, but I think he said on the stand that he considered an NPD diagnosis. He specifically questioned Mr. Holmes on his fantasy of defeating “thugs who try to mug him” as to whether he had ever been bullied or mugged. His answer was that he had not experienced either. Was that a spot where Dr. Reid was able to rule out NPD?

Doc, I really appreciate you covering the oscillation between Vulnerable and Grandiose Narcissism... I definitely saw that with mine 😮 He wasn't shy or lazy... I didn't see much exploitation either... Nevertheless he was quite selfish interpersonally especially when it came to constantly wanting attention and hopping social situations... 😅

Dr. Grande, thank you for publishing these videos -- you are helping so many people! . . . I have a question: can a Vulnerable Narcissist ever develop a healthy, loving romantic relationship? I would appreciate hearing you discuss the limitations of romantic love with a Vulnerable Narcissist. Can they ever learn to not resort to passive aggressiveness and grudges, especially if this is a life long pattern? My guess is not, but I would love to hear your thoughts. Peace.

I'm confused. The fantasies actually sound like normal things to an extent. We've all thought about things we can say and do to get the upper hand in a conversation. We all thought about getting revenge on people who treat us cruelly. My question is just a matter of where do you draw the line between normal thoughts and narcissism?

What i have noticed is that there seems to be a desire to fantasize about success, such as how to spend the money after winning the lottery. Also, if there was money enough, where to travel, and how would the travel happen, but extravagantly. These fantasies often happen while awake late at night, in periods of anxiety, and usually happen in order to quash the anxiety. That's happening with "apparent" covert narc.

Hi Dr. Grande can you do a video on if psychopaths are made or born? Also could you do more videos on narcissism bc I am trying to understand all forms of narcissism so I can protect myself. Videos on the way their minds work-how to better understand what’s going on in their heads so that we don’t take it personally. My parents are both narcs and my siblings and I are very affected...

This may be too much to talk about generally but I would be very interested to know what type of careers narcissistic, or any of the ten DSM PDs, choose. Also, is there a coorelation to how much education the person would strive (not necessarily achieve), to achieve.

Thank you for this. Can you please do a video of vulnerable narcissism and rejection? I have narcissistic (and borderline) traits, and when I feel rejected, I go into a spiral of shame, self-hatred, worthlessness, and anger/rage. I’ve also always had extreme sensitivity to rejection (supposedly this is associated with ADHD, which I believe I have). Thus, I never put myself out there. I’d really appreciate a video about this. I’m a male, FWIW.

Every time I watch one of these videos, I come away feeling like I'm some kind of mentally ill monster. Is it supposed to generate that effect? Anyone else feel similar?

One thing, with a shy narsisist in a romantic relationship, is there a delusion in blaming the other person? Say I see my partner depressed, I ask what is bothering you, would you like to see a counselor, and at the end be told you didn't care. The other situation being self improvement, she decides to do a thing for betterment, I say awesome, and when things get tough I say you can do this, then get the you never cared for me. To note after it all when I did finally say I don't care about you at all, the arrogant of I know what I'm doing went back to the feel bad for me can't you see what all I am doing? I can see the similar traits in borderline. It has got to be difficult attempting to diagnose for a treatment.

Here's my feedback since you asked, but probably already know. Just as I have traits of narcissism, a narcissist can have the pathology but have traits they have adopted. For example, my ex didn't care about her appearance. Wore old clothes to the office. When I asked why she didn't have any concerns for a more professional appearance, she went out and bought some new clothes for the office. Since I now know she was manipulating me, even the clothing may have been part of some bigger deception to enforce the mask of purity. But it did happen.

Late to the comments. But the vulnerable Narcissist outline fits my experience. including the switch to grandiose. Very late in life a family member who was bullied for years "snapped". They looked around at what other family had. Decided they wanted it. The results have been toxic beyond belief. All sense of right & wrong was discarded. The lies, manipulation, triangulation and rage have been off the charts. There's no dealing with her. The only thing that matters is what she wants. She doesn't care who she hurts to get it. It's been a total shock. And almost impossible to deal with.

Your videos are so exacting it's almost unhealthy for me to know that much as about ex and her bestie who were tag teaming me very effectively so that I had no idea who was doing what and hwho was doing who. She had traits of covert, he had traits of grandiose. That they used to date was kept a secret kept me confused why they acted the way they did. Of course, I had no concept of these personality disorders at the time.

I do have a question Dr. Grande. Would being interested in your own personality traits and Having a semi-educated idea of the OCEAN traits preclude one from being narcissistic?

I haven’t been diagnosed so take this as you will. Throughout I’ve always sorta had disdain for kids in stem and kids in IB. I had the intelligence to be in these programs, but I lacked the ambition to keep up with the work. ADHD probably was the cause and speaking on “revenge” my dream is to build a big tech company in which these same stem guys work for me.

Dr. Grande, could you make a video regarding the research on vulnerable narcissism progressing into NPD? Or, direct me to said research?

You might not find this that strange, or someone may have already suggested a similar phenomenon on KZfaq platform. There are A LOT of channels dedicated to any mental health topic. The viewers comments influence the content focus, as well as criticism of content, which encourages improved research and accuracy of content. The idea is perhaps all of those producing, watching, commenting, etc, on a given psychological topic, could be sigificantly influencing the professional psychological community and a published concensus. That's pretty neat.

Thank you for discussing this, it helps so much, however i dont understand why you think one is pathological, when to me, the vulnerable should have just as much written jn the DSM diagnosing as the grsndiose, because usually they ARE trying to emulate a grandiose, but are more unhinged due to their hypersensitivity to criticism and being extremely dangerous or getting someone to damage their target for them when they didnt want to by themselves.

My fantasies were mostly about having a normal life hahaha. I seem to have mostly cluster b traits and a few from cluster a and c

Dr Grande, I have stumbled upon your channel and I'm finding it really fascinating. I got here thinking (fairly certain) I may be a vulnerable narcissist myself. One thing that really shook me in this journey is the idea that I might not be able to "really love" like a normal person. That fucks with me. One thing I noticed when I looked for books on Amazon was the plethora of books available to people who have suffered at the hands of a narcissist, which is terrifying in itself, but what in the fuck is a narcissist supposed to do, what resources should they seek out if they want to change themselves for the better?

It seem the fantasies mostly involve themselves. My fantasies are about things like something I may make or build . Or maybe what something may have been like( life in ancient rome....)

Todd I just read a book Ultra Efficient, Aways Fatal Ultra by Tim Sebastian With Orion in 1997. I feel very psychological right after reading inside the mind of this philosophy , what counteract can be done.

explain road rage and otber anger behaviour managment problems as related to "subclinical" clinical view. And could you explain why humans are so mentally emotionally behaviorally sick or failed in general? thank you.