NARCISSISTIC FATHERS: NARCISSISTIC DAMAGE TO US AND TO OUR CHILDREN

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Күн бұрын

LINK FREE CHECKLIST: DO MY PARENTS HAVE BORDERLINE OR NARCISSISTIC TRAITS?
AND FREE COURSE: IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT
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Today is Father's Day....and if you were raised by a father or mother who struggled with Narcissistic or Borderline traits, you may be more likely to have chosen a narcissist as a partner. Subsequently, you may be stuck in a trauma trigger due to partners you chose in adulthood. Even if you are no longer together with the narcissist, as you work on your own healing you may also see your children struggle with their Narcissistic father with all of you stuck in a Narcissistic trauma trigger or cycle.
Many people who struggle with BPD or who were raised by a parent who struggled with BPD, may be more inclined to subconsciously choose a partner with NPD - for many reasons, some of which are discussed in this video.
The impact of NPD upon us as children and adults is discussed in this video, with some suggestions for therapeutic focus also provided.
xo
For free resources (Safe Place Meditation, Inner Wounded Child Questionnaire, Attachment Journal: Childhood)--- please visit:
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Пікірлер: 75

@dontpanicchild 10 ай бұрын

I used to call my father a dictator and terrorist (in my head) before I had the term narcissist, because he kept us in a constant state of terror. I was very glad when he died sooner than I expected (I was 27 when he died) and that my mother can be free now.

@Islamiciman 5 ай бұрын

Emotional terrorist they are😢

@freeandfabulous4310 11 ай бұрын

My father is an angry and mean narcissist. What’s really horrible is that I don’t and never mattered. Only his feelings, responses, experiences, opinions matter. The rest of the family doesn’t really see this as they are under his spell but I do and it’s been a road less travelled to make sense and heal from his never ending abuse.

@ivanramirez8145 Жыл бұрын

My dad is a narcissist, believe me you need to remove them from your life, because he will keep hurting you.

@tajr.2650 Жыл бұрын

TRUTH

@onazna7123 Жыл бұрын

So true

@samf.s.7731 Жыл бұрын

Yeah I really don't know why I forgot ... The parents are harmful. I guess it's because of love bombing, when they know that their control is slipping, then they start to love bomb. When they know that there's something important to me that I've trusted them with, they start to ... Actively harm. They're only there when they feel like their power is winding down. They only miss me when I'm not there... I wish they were different, I truly do! But they are that way, and it's useless to think they will change.

@kathysue9890 11 ай бұрын

My mother is a narcissist. Thirty-plus years no contact. No contact is the only way to go if you want to heal

@kshaw9179 11 ай бұрын

Sadly very true.

@user-to1mk2um3h 9 ай бұрын

It's So True 👍 😢😫 When you had Narcissistic Father and Mother, you are Grieving all your life for the Terrible Suffering 😢, Violent Toture and Abuse, you had Daily as a child, and as an Adult. You Grieve for the Terrible Destruction of your life your Parents Caused you.

@anshupandey3654 3 жыл бұрын

Can't belive this is free

@DrKimSage 3 жыл бұрын

So happy to share it:)

@story7088 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for making these. It’s such a relief to have some validation that I’m not the crazy one. You’re doing a wonderful service with this channel.

@VeganTrove Жыл бұрын

She sure is 😊

@Angelthechi-spaniel 6 ай бұрын

I agree @@VeganTrove

@2okaycola Ай бұрын

🙏🏽

@jackilynpyzocha662 Ай бұрын

I won't be calling my narc dad on Father's Day, he hasn't earned it and I am not in contact with him!

@deevinely2027 9 ай бұрын

Helpful to me as a mother to children of a narcissistic father.

@lonestarindie 11 ай бұрын

Watching this a year later, my father hated me because he was accused as a teen of molesting a little girl in his neighborhood, he nor my mother (who had to have 100% of his attention) wanted a daughter, I was screwed before I was ever born, they both seemed to hate me, 5 yrs this July of NC with them, & I have never been happier

@lauragadille3384 Жыл бұрын

My father was a narcissistic. He was definitely Jackal or Hyde. The sad part is I still loved him even though he passed away.

@scottmalcolm 9 ай бұрын

Jekyl not jackal 😂

@trishg151 6 ай бұрын

@@scottmalcolmyou know what they mean....

@FollowURHeart-jh8tn 11 ай бұрын

I do feel hatred towards my parents. I am very angry.. hurt... Confused.

@rileykennedy4066 6 ай бұрын

Spot on. Had to step away and unfortunately me doing so has been seen as something I’m doing to the family. But I couldn’t keep feeling like that. Had to go heal.

@Joshualuv13 9 ай бұрын

My father, I assessed myself after many years behind me with time and my own cycle of attracting men similar ,romantically. Being hurt and disappointed, time and time again.Finally after attracting a full-blown NPD, it opened a Pandora's box of childhood truama

@user-bt5rl3rh3b Жыл бұрын

I think that I was raised by borderline/ narcissist/ codependent parents who loved me and I married a man (who I truly loved) with his own set of these issues

@FollowURHeart-jh8tn 11 ай бұрын

When I tell my parents that I will expose thier abuse towards me... My father looks at me and says " who are they gonna believe Shannon ?" " Ha? Who are they gonna believe?"

@rosered222 2 жыл бұрын

You are such a beautiful soul! I just found you tonight but I already feel so at home here on your channel! Your genuine warmth and caring is palpable! As painful and upsetting as my journey has been and will still be, I'm happy I have this free resource now. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge! Sending love from Alberta 💜🇨🇦

@gaylereid8264 Жыл бұрын

Ditto, Ditto, DyggeryDoo

@sarahbrown1890 Жыл бұрын

I know you say ‘there’s a million videos on narcissism’ but there’s surprising very few good videos addressing Narcissistic fathers. There’s lots of attention given to the narcissistic mothers, siblings, husbands, etc. But me looking for specific videos on Narcissistic Father’s is limited, and when I watch them there not very helpful. 💔

@2okaycola Ай бұрын

This

@outsidetheboxink 11 ай бұрын

You helped me piece some huge chunks together with your video. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, ma'am.

@farihaarefin2171 2 жыл бұрын

You are an angel sent by God!! ❤️ thank you for your videos !!!

@DrKimSage 2 жыл бұрын

Aww, thank you so much! You are so welcome!!:)

@cloudwalker8266 3 жыл бұрын

Outstanding!

@DrKimSage 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!!:)

@lo-ul8nq Жыл бұрын

Thank you, you're so right about everything. Its so true.I enjoy watching your videos. I am 47 female who got C-Ptsd from the abuse. I am the oldest out of five children my parents had. I admit , i was married to Narcissist for 5 & a half years who is my x husband & my children's Dad. It wasnt easy to get out of my marriage. I was brave to get out of my marriage and got divorce. I been single for ten years now. I always been the black sheep in my family. I am Empath. I went to Jesus cause of the abuse. Jesus is our hope. God is Love i been a Christian for over ten years. I know my worth and values. My peace comes from God. God gives us victory.i walk away from Narcissists. I stay calm and quiet. Its not worth it to say anything to Narcissists since they dont get it at all. Both of my parents are Narcissists so is my grandmother. My brothers and sisters are Narcissists Enablers. Narcissists enablers are just as bad as Narcissists. Narcissists are liars Narcissists are broken people Narcissists are insecure people Narcissists always act like they are the victim. Narcissists never loved us at all Narcissists dont care about you at all Narcissists are pure evil souls from the Devil Narcissists are fake and phony people

@15cupkakes 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this and the free resources!

@DrKimSage 3 жыл бұрын

My pleasure:)!!

@MellowBellow1 Жыл бұрын

Dr Kim. … do you have a video on the shadow side of this. …? When the abused adult child pushes a healthy relationship away because they are afraid of abandonment and so sabotage what they aspire to. …..?

@kathysue9890 11 ай бұрын

Lots of videos out there regarding attachment styles

@juliaj.6641 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for your work. Bless you!!

@DrKimSage 3 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome:)!!

@hidis2000 Жыл бұрын

Very accurate and poignant. thank you !

@STONE-wh2en Жыл бұрын

Thank you very much for this enlightening and amazing video.

@FollowURHeart-jh8tn 11 ай бұрын

I do feel like I am not good enough. None. Of the family talks to me. They don't ever call me. They. Never included me. The rest of the family and the town we live in judge me because they all believe my folks are really good and respectful people, and I must be messing up. Because they think that my dad would definitely give me my kids back unless I was messing up.

@laravladimir493 Жыл бұрын

This video must be for me 🖐🏽🖐🏽🖐🏽🖐🏽🖐🏽 Undiagnosed border line mother , extremely narcissist father ! Now im struggling with borderline behaviour towards my kids 😢

@user-ni7bt5db4r 10 ай бұрын

Hi Kim! We went to High school together- small world. Came across your videos. Have a terrible Narcissistic father and and finally do not talk to him anymore. Love your informative videos!

@johnroberts7959 9 ай бұрын

Thank you for that message.

@Faith_Chi 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Dr Sage xo p.s. will listen to the rest tomorrow. I hope you and yours are well.

@DrKimSage 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you too! Hope you are having a lovely evening!!:)

@carolynb1059 2 жыл бұрын

I think my father had narcissistic tendencies. I clearly remember my father jokingly calling himself a 'sperm donor' on at least two occasions as opposed to a father. He had a rough childhood with two emotionally unavailable and abusive parents. Ugh.

@gaylereid8264 Жыл бұрын

Did you adopt (some) narcissistic coping behaviours !!?? I did.

@kathysue9890 11 ай бұрын

I am sorry you went through that. My narcissistic mother told me many times that I was a mistake and not wanted.. then to find out I have a full-blooded older sister giving away before they were married. And the effing which used to call me a s*** and tell me that my boyfriend's only used me for sex. I got the last laugh

@JacobBowman-ec7us Жыл бұрын

Thank you

@steenburgess3859 Жыл бұрын

What about the narcissist Dad creating narcissistic Son. My first husband was Overt Narc w/narc mom. Now I find myself married to a covert narc w/narc Dad. BIG WINNER !!

@yalew6231 3 жыл бұрын

Is there a way out of the bondage of being fathered by a narcissist? My 'father' was extremely narcissist and the way I grew was terrible. I m his oldest son but he hates and jealous of me. I tried to be as good as I could, but it is never enough to please him anyway. Now I m by my own but I see an inexplicable issue in my communication, relationship, self esteem, making decision, certainty in what I m called to do in life, etc. I strongly feel there must be something I lack in becoming a full gentleman. I m diagnosed with depression. I have a very strong urge to end my life. What d u do here if you dont know how to play the game? I ve planned how I will die. I believe God will intervene and solve the hidden problems in my life.

@Alphacentauri819 Жыл бұрын

First of all...I hear you. I'm so sorry you had a father who could not reflect, attune, to you in way that showed your incredible worth. There is a way out. Reparenting yourself. Showing up for your self, by learning your needs and boundaries. Having your own back and refusing to live with your father's voice (which was dictated by his own unresolved shame...that's the core wound of a narcissist...everything they do is posturing, to avoid feeling/facing their shame & what they make it "mean" about them). They project onto others all the "shameful" things within, that they are trying to get rid of. To heal, you need to address your own core wounds. Reprogram your subconscious..as that is where all the trauma is and it "lies" to you. Addressing cognitive distortions, biases, and other toxic "filters" is huge. We can "clean" our lens and see more clearly, when we address all the erroneous (conditioned from childhood) thought patterns. In that, we become mindful of the automatic negative thoughts...we can break out of learned helplessness...we can become empowered and transformed. No longer imprisoned to the past. When we refuse to take on the torch of self abuse, we change the course of what was set. When we do all those things we get rid of the self betrayal of invalidation, dismissal, ignoring what we need....that we learned (subconsciously, conditioning) in childhood. There absolutely is freedom and possibility. I wish you deep healing and connectedness, hugely to yourself.

@kathysue9890 11 ай бұрын

Please reach out to a suicide line. There are people to help you. In the USA is it 611? I was in an abusive workplace and I was suicidal and homicidal. I checked myself into the mental health. They were not helpful. However I was finally diagnosed with ADHD and I think I have autism which really helped me. Please reach out for resources they are there to help you. You are loved. Are you two had two parents that absolutely hated me. My mother told me on a regular basis how much she hated me.

@kathysue9890 11 ай бұрын

As somebody stated below. There are few resources for men with narcissistic parents. There are books for girls with narcissistic mothers. I would think they would be very close. Please read will I never be enough, and mothers who can't love. Well they will explain what is happening in your

@FollowURHeart-jh8tn 11 ай бұрын

My mother belittles my youngest daughter. My father wakes my youngest daughter up every single morning with hollering and screaming. My oldest daughter is the golden child. My youngest daughter was born with PKU and they control her. And I am not allowed to be a parent. I'm not allowed to have feelings or emotions. I'm not allowed to express my concerns. If I do, I'm trying to cause problems and break up the family. Please help me get my kids back. Please

@timorthelame1 9 ай бұрын

I'm sure it's easier said than done but you need to be on your own away from them and their controls. You are the parent and you have the right to parent your children.

@FollowURHeart-jh8tn 11 ай бұрын

I had asked my parents back in 2012 to help me with my kids and let them stay with them because I. Was in an unstable relationship and they were starting school. I didn't want my kids starting school with the stress of an unstable environment. It is now 2023. I'm now 45 years old.. I've always had good jobs, lived in nice homes where my kids have their own space. I have worked really really hard to get where I am... I own two vehicles pay my parents child support religiously since 2012. They refuse to give my kids back. I've tried sitting down with them and talking about the problem and I stead the raised my child support from $420 to an ungodly amount of $680. That's why i. Got for Christmas. They have never included me in thier doctor appointments school activities they have told my kids I don't love them. Is this abuse against me? I just found out my verbally abusive mom slapped my oldest daughter.. what can I do to get my kids back. It's not fair and I don't believe it's in the best interest of the. Kids now. I think it a money and control issue. I'm not sure if my parents are narcissistic. Not like my ex anyway... But they are very controlling. My mother drinks and gets verbally abusive. My father is controlling.. I'm can't tell if my mother is being abused by my father or if my father is being abused by my mother. What should I do? I just need my kids back. And stop the abusive cycle.

@2okaycola Ай бұрын

Holy shit that’s awful

@2okaycola Ай бұрын

You should report the drinking to cps

@laravladimir493 Жыл бұрын

Ohhh and did i mention toxic narcissist kids dad 😂

@gaylereid8264 Жыл бұрын

Dr Kim, I can’t believe you even exist. The Truth (“ Detach yourself from the consquences is BS”) and on a Silver Platter ( The fact you’ve experienced all of this & you’re so passionate & a Psychologist !!!) Would you say Didactic Behaviour Tx is relevant to this type of trauma ???

@DosBear 11 ай бұрын

What a great idea. Let's attack Father's on Father's Day. You have issues that you really should resolve. Most father's play the important role of authoritarian and Mother's play the equally important role of caregiver in so-called normal families. It's simple to attack the person that had the responsibility to set the boundaries & enforce the rules when behaviors were unacceptable The ultimate goal for any parent should be to create a healthy independence where you no longer have to rely on them. Normal men are not sensitive or overly emotional like women are so this is often mistaken as uncaring when, in reality, the opposite is true. Even the discussion of narcissism as some sort of excuse, that supposedly caused you traum, is seen as a weakness & an attempt to feminize the healthy masculinity father's, by default, instill into you. Maybe take the time to look at yourself and stop looking for someone to blame for your failings & insecurities. That's my take on you going so far as to do this on Father's Day of all days. Psycho analyze that.

@cincy911truth5 9 ай бұрын

You are sooooo ignorant! Try educating yourself some time. Read the comments from those have been raised by a narcissistic father. Maybe some day you’ll actually learn how to think understand how other people feel. Grow up.

@GloryToTheLamb33 Ай бұрын

you are delusional

@lela888 10 ай бұрын

My father who I use to be close with married an illegal immigrant from Brazil. He knew her only 3 months got engaged and at 6 months married after he repeatedly told me: I’m never getting married again! She targeted my father and he fell for it. She has alienated him from his adult children (me and my siblings) and is influencing him to not visit or have a relationship with us. The anger and hurt I feel Is unbearable and I had to stop all contact. Is he a narc too for going along with this? If I ever see that woman again, she better hope she doesn’t run into me.