Shy: I will bleep out the word "animation" coz surely everybody knows about Games Workshops rampage of strikes against fan-animations ha ha it will be hiliarous Comments: WHY IS THEY BLEEP SWER WORDS PODCAST IS NOW FOR BABIES PODCAST BAD

DK's dislike of fortnite memes and Bricky's general distaste for anime make a single well adjusted adult

DK: Oh that's right I forgot about the assassins! Looks like someone has been enjoying their FORGET ME JUICE

“You see this guy? I don’t want too.” *-Briefing of a vindicare assassin before departure.*

Not exactly lore related, but I know a guy who is a hard-core Imperial Gaurd player on the table top. He has a ton of guardsmen and tanks he likes to build massive gun lines out of. He's got the lasguns, bolter pistols, melters and flamers, veterans, Bullgrins, turrets, artillery, chimeras, Lemans, the works and all. However in his games he always brings with him an elite unit: A single Vindicare assassin. Now normally a vindicare is meant to be this super sniper that can kill anything with their one shot. Not much you can hit, but that one shot is a good finisher. The problem is either his dice or the games he plays just *hate* that assassin. I've seen this man in every game he uses him, including a 500 pt game I played with him with my Farsight Enclaves, always fail. He fails his hit rolls and if he does hit, fails his wound rolls. Every single time without fail this one vindicare fails. I like to think this assassin is not a real assassin but is just a guardsmen in disguise to make himself seem cool, but with none of the skill to back it up. It's sad yet funny to see happen.

Fun story of a Vindicare: The Vindicares main strength is actually finding a shot, taking the shot is relatively easy. One of them was tasked with killing a Dark Eldar Raider. He ended up waiting at the top of a tower where the Dark Eldar went slightly more than other locations. He stood there for years waiting for this bastard, and he finally took the shot when they showed up. The shot is easy, finding the bloody thing is hard.

Warhammer fans: *makes fan animations* Gamesworkshop: “INTO THE WALL YOU GO”

Sniper's a good job mate. Latex suits, high calibers. I promise you wont go angry about having no armor, the enemy wont even see you. Yes, that isnt very honorable but hey, atleast we aint one of those guys marinated in tin cans. W h a t? M e l e e? Whats that? Some kind of canned rations brand?

The Eversor's backpack and mental augments are the real crazy part. Their pack allows them to perceive in 360 degrees at once, even through walls. Their mental augments allow them true multi-tasking, instantaneous reaction times, and the ability to process said 360 degree sensorum. Most people don't even realize one has burst into the room before it's already finished killing everyone in it.

There’s a sneaky purple ork kommando right next to that assassin.

Its clear now... DK: Slaanesh Bricky: Khorne Shy: Tzeentch

Assassin: I’m not a Eversor, dad. I’m a Vindicare. Dad: What’s the difference? Assassin: What the be!? One’s a job, the other’s mental sickness! -A Vindicare assassin justifying his career.

Callexus assassins have an interesting effect on Tau since their souls barely have an effect on the warp. They cannot even perceive the assassin when his field is active but very low. A Callexus assassin used this to kill Tau Ethereal Supreme Aun'Va, whom was being protected in a bunker on Agrellan. He just casually walks into an elevator with two fire warriors. Both are major league creeped out for seemingly no reason while the assassin just stands behind them. It then walks calmly around the complex, giving all the Tau in his proximity sudden ptsd. Once it makes it to the room where the Ethereal is, it calmly locks the door and turns its animus speculum up to 11. Needles to say, the filthy xeno and his body guard died in such agony and horror that it would make the dark Eldar impressed

"Why does it look like a Sloth" Me, an idiot: "That's clearly an elephant"

You forgot the worst assassin of them all… The games workshop IP lawyer…

Evisor goes: *SNOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT* Oh boy here i go killing again

Can't wait to see DK and Bricky talk about the best spandex-wearing trained killers the Imperium can muster.

Shy: "I refuse the fortnite" Good on you Shy. Thank you for saving us from dying of cringe overdose.

Small fan fact about Culexus, they are the only temple who is not locate on terra because if a big amount of them is near the the emperor they would make the astronomicon to crumble

"M'Shen, the most famous Callidus assassin..." That is a dubious honor to hold, not because of why she's well known, but simply because she's known.

We now need an episode on mutants, so bricky has to talk about the cannon cat girls

So all their names are in Latin and translate as such Callidus = Clever Culexus = Mosquito Eversor = Destroyer Vindicare = Avenge That's a neat little detail there. Especially since it implicates the Callidus Assassins are literally clever girls.

Eversor Story : "The Abhuman Goliaths of Thugrock Secundus, a recruitment moon for the Astra Militarum, develop a blood cult which consumes the planet's ruling caste. In an *_unprecedented_* display of miscommunication, no fewer than *_six Eversor Assassins_* are dispatched to slay the leaders of the indigenous population. By the time the _single_ surviving Eversor was recovered, not one Thugrockis left alive, and when the news reaches the Astra Militarum, they are *most displeased* such a rich ressource had been wasted. To this day, the event is used as a cautionary fable to illustrate the dangers of dispatching multiple Assassins at once.

The fact that Stanley Kubrick was almost on-board for directing an Inquisitor Draco film adaptation is probably the only silver lining in his otherwise tragically premature death.

Fun story: the Maerorus Temple the 40th millennium tried to make the worst thing imaginable by combining the biology of the worst creatures in the galaxy including Tyranids. They succeeded and the prototype, Legienstrasse, went rogue. Legienstrasse was considered such a threat that the OA tried to send a World Eaters warband and Demons by promising them the ultimate opponent. Legienstrasse was so horrifying that World Eaters AND the demons submitted to her. The OA tried again by sending the elite of the Imperial Fists and the other Assassin Temples. They succeeded in killing Legienstrasse with heavy casualties. The problem is that the Maerorus temple made Legienstrasse capable of asexual reproduction, and they are not sure they got all her kids. And that's the reason the Maerorus Temple was declared a Rogue Temple.

About the Culexus theres this scene from Execution Force where an assassin task force was sent to kill this chaos sorcerer. Nobody knew the Culexus was there because, due to his nature, he was deployed independetly. The first sign of his presence was a corridor full of dead bodies their faces frozen in perpetual terror.

So for Bricky's and DK's happiness. There was a short story, in which the Night Lord's, as a legion, sacked an entire planet. They butchered the entire population. Now as you know. The Night Lord's essentially are a broken legion. They are set up in warbands and don't really get together any more. The entire legion, after sacking the planet, stood in silence, crying and praying, as a recording played. This planet, was the last known location, where M'Shan delivered her proof of Conrad's death. And the legion sat in silence, as they heard the voice and words of their Primarch, for the first and last time in 10000 years.

Who do you need to kill? Eversor: Yes

I am Alpharius and this is my Great White Squig, also named Alpharius, and we get that ham!

It’s be a lot harder for DK to forget about the assassins when he’s facing a Culexus with 1k sons.

There is an Regimental Standard article that indicates how deploying of Callidus might sometimes be a bit too extensive. Once, the Temple deployed an assassin undercover as a part of Imperial Guard force: shapesifting, flawless fake background, even falsified memories and a trigger conditions to ensure total surprise for the right moment- and it didn't go off. It is implied that there was a horrible hazzle to find out which one of millions of guardsmen was their human weapon- or if she was even alive, fallen in combat or executed by a comissar while she still thought she's a normal guardsman. I wonder how often Alpha Legion loses their operatives in the same way? Also, Culexus assassins had the honour of killing off a named character with an actual tabletop model, that could be a fun story to tell as factions involved have now been introduced in channel.

There's a story about a vindicare that I remember, where he took out an ork warboss with a shot, and then the same shot carried on and hit some explosives which took out the whole camp, including the gargant that the warboss was building. Which is pretty cool i reckon.

Bricky summoning the ghost of Stanley Kubrick directing a 40K thing like IAN WATSON'S "DRACO" DIDN'T RISK BECOMING A REAL KUBRICK FILM. Thank god it wasn't.

The ork sniper thing is because of how the inquisition “trolled” the celestial lions

I've always thought of the Eversor as "the candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long". There are all sorts of enhancements available to groups in 40k, genetic engineering, cybernetic enhancement, combat drugs; Space Marines are the pinacol of what you can make of a human, strong, fast, tough, smart + cybernetics all in perfect balance to keep a long lifespan. But an Eversor is "how powerful can we possible make a human if they're only going to live a few years?" All the super duper strength genetic enhancement that would give Marines super cancer, give it to the Eversor, these combat drugs that cause catastrophic organ damage after a few days, give it to the Eversor, cybernetics to make Marines reaction time look like a Taus but will drive them mad, give it to the Eversor. And then you stick them in a freezer to pause the countdown to their deaths until you have something that needs killing.

How do you know there are ork assasins around? The moving boxes and shouts of "SHUT UP YA GROT, WE'RE INFILTRATEN!" with no obvious sourcw.

I imagine the vindicare wear suits that work like the stillsuits from dune. They are designed to catch all excretions; moisture, waste, salt, heat; and recycle them.

Eversors: it's still a successful stealth mission with no witnesses if all the witnesses are dead too!

15:40 oh god do they even know that Stanley Kubrick apparently considered doing a movie adaptation of the first 40k book, Inquisitor

I dont remember witch Space Marine chapter did it but at one point when the Assasin temples were stationed near Terra Mr Doge Vandire i believe sent a bunch of Space marines to atack the temples and the second the marines arrived and entered one of the temples a bunch of Cryopods opened and a fuckton of Eversors jumped out and murdered all of the Astartes

The maerorus temple, was responsible for one assassin. Legienstrasse. After that was made, the temple got destroyed. Legienstrasse was a hybrid between a kroot, tyrannids and human. Arch: "The inquisition out tyranniding the tyrannids" Upon deployment, it went rogue. It required a few imperial guard regiments, and Eversor lord, and it gave space marines a run for their money and some other groups I forgot about.

"Who knows Ian, maybe it'll be my next movieeeeeeeeeee."

I've heard one story about Culexus Assassin that I think it might be interesting. There was a Chaos Sorceror name Xantaka that lead a host of Rubric Marine and Daemon to attack the Imperium during the 32nd millenium. The Imperium knew this and they send the Culexus Assassin name Dranos to elliminate him. The funny thing is that, because of the blank's ability, all of the Rubric Marine and Daemon that Xantaka command literally can't see Dranos. So all Dranos have to do is walk in, shoot Xantaka, then walk out. While none of the Rubric Marine and Daemon can do anything to him.

Bricky: *Mentions LIIVI* Me: *Flashbacks to a different time*

Little known fact about the Culexus assassins, they have to be fielded with a Custodian handler who operates the assassin's Animus Speculum or else they might drive too many friendly forces insane and make them kill themselves

A**mation about krigsman protected by custodians would be interesting to watch, if you will do.

TTS has fallen. The long night has begun.

"blanks are incredibly rare like 1 out of 4" -Bricky 2021

the episode that is the definitive proof that Shy is the MVP of Adeptus Ridiculous

so now that TTS is officially on hiatus forever, yall are the last bastion of hope. how does it fell to know that GW's snipers are actively on your trail?

You want to know about blanks? Read the Ravenor and Bequin books from Eisenhorn's canon. Wynstan Frauka is a blank who was once shot to death but woke up long enough to have a smoke and break the neck of an inordinately powerful psyker(in that order). He works for an inquisitor, wearing a limiter, which is a moderate version of what a Culexus Assassin wears but it only switches off his innate 'blankness' so friendly psykers can use powers near him. Limiters are common items among less assassin-ey blanks usually in the form of bulky bracelets or collars. They also allow a regular human to tolerate the presence of a blank when switched on. Frauka's habits include smoking, interrupting, sneaking up on people, reading lewd novels aloud in crowded rooms and generally revelling in giving people a reason to feel uncomfortable so they relax slightly around him. As it turns out, when people are upset with a blank for actual reasons, they tend not to notice the un-reason gnawing at their souls. Unless they're a psyker. Then they pop.

My favorite assassin story is the bit about the Secretum. A little backstory to set the stage first, if you'll allow me! Back in the day, the Secretum temple was established some time in M31 to pro

What about that one Eversor that killed 317ish nobles in a single deployment, Clan Mackenzie if I remember correctly. He uses a soup spoon and a butter knife to kill some of em too.

I really like this bit of lore that involves an Assassin and the Tau, shows the hubris and shadiness of the Tau Ethereals. Among them is someone titled the Ethereal Supreme (not a total leader, but a main guy nonetheless), and the current one is someone called Aun'Va. Thing is, he's actually dead. Aun'Va was off leading/managing a campaign against the Imperium, commanding from his secret bunker. He should've been nowhere near the frontlines, but there he was chilling in a bunker beneath an old hive city. Enter a Culexus assassin. Nothing left that bunker alive; not his guard, not his entourage, certainly not Aun'Va. So what did the other Ethereals do when they learned that the Supreme is dead? They decided to cover it up. Because they can back their shadiness with their tech, "Aun'Va" still makes speeches and broadcasts to boost Tau morale, and he still holds the seat. Another great example of how the so-called "most good" faction has delicious flaws that fit right in the universe; they're just as sinister as everyone else. From the way they actually control subordinates and treat aliens, to Farsight's discoveries that led to his defection from the Empire, to literally keeping your figurehead alive as a hologram: simply put, the Greater Good is built upon lies.

Funny story about the Blank assassins. One time the Eldar found the temple near the edge of the galaxy and went to wipe them out, but the commander told them to return because he was plagued with visions depicting the extinction of all Eldar.

Fun fact! Catgirls are canon to 40k, they're called Felinids and nobody knows what they really look like.

Here is a good way to see it. 100 points is the same cost as a well decked out Guardsmen Squad. 100 points is about the same cost as a high-tier HQ. 100 points is almost a small tank.

Snipers actually do more recon than anything. And will get the worst torture

The horus heresy book Nemesis focuses on a team of assassin with each being from a different temple that are tasked with killing Horus. A wonderful read.

do an episode on the history of games workshop and their hostility to fans

On this episode: everyone gets sidetracked very hard.

A Callidus Assassin once even morphed her body into that of a Genestealer according to the records of Inquisitor Jaq Draco. And if you recognize the name of Jaq Draco, I apologize that you also had to read that horrific tale.

Vanus Temple is one of my favorites. I think the way they kill is really cool. Like the quote said. They won’t pull the trigger and no one will ever know it was the Vanus temple. An example is they will want a planetary governor dead. They’ll set it up so that his wife will become suspicious of him believe he his cheating. Then have her find pictures on his data slate that then leads to her killing him out of jealousy. It’s a super interesting way of doing it. I want more of them even though a book or something would be hard. I love them

Day idk of asking for Fulgrim/ Emp's Children and also Rylanor episode when?

and also, vindicare-san has his fan favorite non canon eldar girlfriend farseer taldeer

I’m surprised they didn’t touch on “love can bloom” craziness lol

Storytime: Once a Callidus went to stab a target with her Phase sword, and it broke. Oops, can't stab an aspect of The Deceiver! Vindicares are great at finding choice angles to hit reclusive targets. Usually this means a spire, and this means no exfil. Corvus Corax turned himself into an eversor assassin to harass Lorgar.

Arch made a small series about the assassins and one story about the Vindicare is the assassin being given a Dark Eldar razorwing pilot named Sky Knife as his target. He tracked him to a world the Eldar continuously visited and waited for 5 years inside the mouth of a statue surviving off of moss that grew on the statue and sea birds before shooting Sky Knife through the cockpit of his fighter. As for the Culexus, one of them is responsible for killing the leader of the T'au, Aun'va. The Imperium very, very rarely will decide that a target needs to die and to be sure it happens, will send a strike team of assassin's, with each member from the different temples, called an Execution Force. One of those forces was sent after the T'au and the Culexus is the only one who got close to him.

Oh god I can’t wait for the memes when we get to the callidus assassins 😂😂😂

I think my favorite story about an assassin was about the Kadaveran Tigers. All guard regiments of the Kadaveran Tigers decided to pool together and rebel against the Imperium. A Callidus assassin snuck into the command structure as an astropath, murdered the rebel leader, and decided to give a lot of weird and contradictory orders that made the entire rebellion disorganized, suffer a lot of friendly fire incidents, and ineffective against the forces that were sent to pacify them. It's a lot more cooler than just walking in, murdering the leader, then leaving

There was a story of an eversor assassin during the t’au 5th sphere of expansion. It snuck into the same room as an ethereal, killed the guards, and then killed the ethereal. Rumor has it that the assassin took his time killing the ethereal

Bricky:"I fear no man but that thing..." *picture of catgirl* Bricky:"It scares me."

I dont know if anybody has already said this but there was an Assassinen story called mother gullet (originaly Form the wierd Inquisitor book) where the Assassin uses polymorphin to eat a child whole, so she can force a planetray govener to surrender

I find it funny that bricky forgets felinds are in the imperial guard too and are usally used for like coms and stuff

We need a Sniper: Elite or Sniper: Ghost Warrior or, y'know- whatever other edgy franchise name these types of games have come up with, but in 40k. Then again, there's a lot of video game potential in 40k that goes untapped.

I am disappointed that in the context of Ork Kommandos you guys didn't talk about the mythical Purple Orks, because purple is da seakiest, due to the fact that nobody has seen a purple Ork

DK: I want more blank characters! Bricky: I mean its kinda hard there arent that many Me: Sad Ferik Jurgen noises

"If i show up at your house tomorrow with a sniper rifle... it's just for roleplay" i fucking can't with these guys lmao

Fun thing about those shape-shifting assassins. There was a story in an old necron codex about one whose target turned out to be The Deceiver. The blade was just absorbed...and it did not end well for the human

Craftworld of Beil tan have located the location of Culexus assassin temple. As Beil tan Eldar were preparing to attack the temple their Farseer got a vision of craftworld dead and in ruins. The attack was called off.

"The outcome justify the deed"... just say "the end justify the means" goddammit.

This is the story that always comes to mind when I think of assassins (from 40k wiki). Mother Gullet - Legends tell of a daring and hideous crime perpetrated by a Callidus Assasin against a Planetary Governor who though himself strong enough to defy Imperial rule. The governor doted on his infant son, and had him guarded night and day to prevent his kidnapping to be used against him as a hostage. According to the tale, a Callidus Assassin disguised herself as the child's nanny, and so gained access to the princeling. Employing the shape-changing powers of polymorphine, the resourceful Assassin swallowed the child like a python, and carried it away past the guards in her belly. The Planetary Governor soon capitulated to Imperial authority. The child was kept alive the whole time inside her gut.

15:22 "Who knows Ian. Maybe this is my next movie?"

GW just sent a Vindicare to kill my interest in the franchise. R.I.P. TTS

still waiting for an episode that isnt about the alpha legion.

You need to look up a couple oh Calidus assassins - Mother Gullet, who kidnapped a targets son by hiding him in her stomach, and Meh’lindi from the Ian Watson stories/novels who’ d been altered to be able to turn herself into a genestealer hybrid, at the cost of being unable to shift into anything else

Doesn't 40k already have cannonically Cat Girls in the form of a xenos species called Felinids?

Gun: I’m here to kill you conrad kurz: you're not that guy pal trust me

Honestly can't wait for an episode solely dedicated to Macari.

I really want to see a Minotaurs chapter review. The chapter master Asterion Moloch is such a chad that Valerian, you know, a custodes Hero of the Lions gate, believed that he may not be a match for Asterion. Their chapter is so incredible I would love to see a podcast on this!

The "Splinter Cell Goggles" used by the Ork Kommandos are actually Astra Militarum NVGs although the irony is that the WAAAGH! energy makes it so that they actually work

Arguably I loved the mini-story of Grand Master Vangorich from “The Beast Arises” series. I will also shamelessly say id like to see you guys talk about that series at some point

There was the callidus assassin meh'lindi from the jaq draco books. 10/10 do recommend you read. She is such an deep character.

I think it should be noted that Merrorus temple is basically 40k version of Alex Mercer from Prototype game

An important thing to note is that, to my knowledge, you can only have one (1) Assassin per army. Plus you need to play Imperium.

this shits gonna be *TIGHT*

the ironic thing is cat girls are actually a real ab human species in the impirium

Hey thanks for continuing to make these

"The depression is chronic, but these abs are iconic" -Lotara Sarrin, M.31

Anyone read the second watchers of the throne book,where the high Lord of the guard and the Navy try to play chicken with the phalanx and then get bodied by an assassin lmao