CI-CI-CIAPHUS CAIN, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!

ALL HAIL CIAPHAS CAIN, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!

Mood Kindred.

Throne no, now it's stuck in my head 😂

I can't wait for them to cover the luckiest man in the Warhammer 40k universe.

"no but you do get vision"

"I don't know about dental, but you get to spit acid and have two hearts"

yes the organs makw teeth very good

You also get another lung and you get to be taller

-That guy in Response "YOU DARE! THE ONLY INSURANCE POLICY YOU NEED IS THE EMPEROR!"

Face IN the walls

I thought they became Servitors.

"We live in a grim dark society.." 10 minute guitar solo

Turns out Pink Floyd are just a 40k fans

@@mainepants that too

The abject cruelty of the Schola Progenium makes sense when you remember the people who wrote it went through the UK's schooling system

@@RabbiHerschel See yourself out. Nobody wants you here.

What did he even say?

@@randumderf9777 Something racist.

@@romanscum5678 unbelievable.

Commissar: ah yes this boy will make an outstanding schola progenium student' Kid: dies in fucking training

HEY THAT'S MY CHILDHOOD

Yes I'm dead. Don't question it.

I would not put it above them

Hello brother I'm on the wrong account so my joke doesn't work as well. I too have geko in my main account name.

...What if little Jimmy says the Emperor is his best friend?

@@LexYeen Then the comissars would oooh and awww and say "What a nice thing to say before you die, heretic." and kill him for wanting to harm the Emperor.

"I have been ordered to kill you, my best friend, to prove my loyalty to the Imperium." "It is the Emperor's will, pull the trigger."

Timmy was just an exchange student from Krieg xD

“You are now!” *blows smoke off of the gun*

I reallly needed that because holy shit this episode was dark.

@@nervmeister JUST ANOTHER KID IN THE WALL!

Shame, it was very good 9,037 years ago.

You can get laid with a Sororitas student at least. Both Ciaphas Cain and Gregor Eisenhorn lost their virginity at their days as Scholia students.

Nah. Even if the probable "trauma" turns him gay, he still might have a bright future in the Ecclesiarchy. 😉

@@zoopdterdoobdter5743 ironically, he'd be least likely to engage in diddling

@@nyx7694 I _DID_ put 'trauma' in quotes. 🤭

@@zoopdterdoobdter5743 what is Ecclesiarchy?

@@amarjo351 the Religion dudes

Drill Abot [washing his junk in the sink]: I was never here.

@@zoopdterdoobdter5743 damn space catholics

Welcome to class. My name is Professor Alpharius.

We don't need highschool musical 40k

@@deamonmindgaming2054 we absolutely need it

But aren’t they minors

@@deamonmindgaming2054 LIES

BDSM highschool musical 40k, where the kids are turned into instruments, the story of the doomed love between the head cheerleader and Scrumball captain now fleshcrafted into a crying tuba and a screaming trompone.

Tempestous Scion Commander Johnlos Cenatica

@@brosephnoonan223 his is a "big toy soldier" idn't he???

@@RabbiHerschel Yes! He did. However, as a former member of the retinue of Rogue Trader Vincent Macmanus it's difficult to tell if his opinions are his own or simply a strategic act of disinfornation to appease the xenos ego and further trade in-roads for other traders (and himself by extension). Dont get me wrong, relying on such misersble star-slime for trade and production so heavily is a recepe for misforune. They are quite literally INHUMAN, they dont share our values for human life, our moral ethics, and its a WELL established fact the Tau specifically ONLY trade as a means of creating their OWN subversive inroads to whatever planet theyre trading WITH. Theres a reason so many treasonous lords are also caught taking part in inhuman deviancies most profane. I digress though. My point is, Cenatica hasnt been a true soldier in a very long time, and it's rumored he's after a Trade Warrant of his own? It doesnt _at all_ excuse his traitorous diatribes, effectively betraying human decency for a profit. But I dont think he genuinely supports theur government. He's likely just a miserable, greedy has-been in dire need of fast and meaty pay day,.

Seeing as we are turning wrestlers into 40k characters, I must say that the voices in the head of one Randall Ortanius which "Cousel him" and "show him things he'll do to you" sound pretty Chaos-y, don't you think. I also suspect that an Astartes who goes by the wall-name Big Show is an Alpha Legionnaire what with the amount of traitor/loyalist turns he is documented to have pulled of. (Seriously check out the lyrics to "Voices" by Jim Johnston if it isn't a textbook example of a chaos cultists thought, I don't know what is)

@@MediocrisUrsus well spotted!

That quote caught me off guard.

Man emperor

Someone contact Alfa, I need this spoken in TTS!

and i'm all outta ass-work wait

I shall milk the words you've uttered as if it were please from the emperor himself

1. Work 2. Ass 3. Adeptice Ridiculous 4. Game of Kill Team 5. Have a meal Or, for short, WAAGH

You wipe your ass?

@@sonicsucks20 you say that like you don’t...

The Not!Benne Geserit.

The Famulus are still considered part of the Adepta Sororitas. Some female recruits are also trained as commissars or scions, or as military officers or civic administrators. I’d wager most female recruits are still sent to the Adepta Sororitas, though.

Thank God robbie g banned the famulus when he returned recently.

Benne Geserit

@yossarian Not many people from the Scholam Progenium end up in the Administratum because the education they receive is almost entirely aimed at preparing them for a military career.

Tiger bomb scola is one hell of a name.

bro that's the coolest name

Or by the one out of all the people in the imperium, somehow by tzeenches plans got a Keriegsman… now that’s a series if they team up with a catchachan will be unstoppable

@@akumaking1 teacher: as a reward you get to hunt down this disobedient wrench A few hours later every student in that group is dead Other teacher: Catachan? Teacher: Catachan

@@akumaking1 I think more that the Kreigsman is so good they can’t do anything about it that it even scares the teachers. The two however will team up when things about to go down

@@polkaking237 the catachan going stealth while the Krieger unloads a heavy flamer or melta gun

@@polkaking237 thank you for this wonderful conversation

Welcome to 40K bitch.

@Roast Beef slaanesh does love it when you do get someone's consent for depravity though.

Yes

So what about the SOB?

@@MCPANDA44 Really?

Sir! We wish to talk to you about extending your car warranty.

I got an add for craft mac and cheese, which given the happy children on display was actually very disturbing to watch.

"Why are the bricks human shaped?" -Rogal Dorn.

CHOOSE WISELY BROTHER, THE WALL OR THE FLAMER BROTHER

You've got 15 seconds to drink your forget-me juice, or I'm taking your spine and breaking it like a slim Jim, brother

I believe the main part they were taking about that is hell on earth all happens before selection day. Once you’re down the tract you’ve been selected to follow it becomes a lot more chill and more akin to a prep school/university than anime death school.

That series was always light on the Imperium's grimdark. They even mention there is a professional sports league. Because athletic people have time for sports apparently.

Just the average cultural drift in the Imperium, Ciaphases Space Englands has stuff like Tv Shows, tabloid press, sports and horror movies. I guess they lie next to an area where Corpse starch rations and the euthanasia of underperforming manufactoria workers are the norm

IIRC the Cain novel that has him retired and teaching at the Schola mentions that criminals are shipped in and used as target practice for the trainees, so it’s still pretty grim dark.

@@starwarsnerd100 considering options for criminals in 40k, I'd say that counts as a "light sentence". Sure beats torture and getting turned into a servitor or penal legions...

Good ol’ 40k

"everything looks normal to me"

All I'm seeing is Legends = Legends.

Yeah but like, everyone else is too so liiiike

correct

Exactly

EXACTLY!!

Tanky innit?

The good old XXTH

Simpkin graduate

Why tho?

How'd you find out??

"...Actually!"

This is a good place to get a feel for what's going on but I think at times some details are a little cloudy, but that ain't bad

I agree but it is fun and most of the time is right I do wish there were more details but it’s a good 40k podcast with in my opinion tho it is the most enjoyable podcast for 40k

High level details are usually correct. But he's reading from the wiki half the time...

Only generally factually correct if looking at surface level stuff, and even then it's iffy.

Strong and immensely delusional.

Hey, a bloodthirster has a lot of subtly when he wants to. Sometime’s he swings from the left, sometime’s he swings from the right. You can never tell.

@@cryamistellimek9184 Dey are jus like gork an' mork, both demons uv khorne an' mork are very gud at be'n kunningly brutal

Well that is definitely a good source of iron.

A bloodthrister of khorne is gonna eat you out like ice cream sandwiches when your red rage begins -leman russ

@@firefang600 " That is the worst possible thing you could have said. Thank you. "

The teacher gets Timmy out of the locker and then has him hunted for sport for being a liability

With live action cartoonish violence as in the Deadpool films.

From context it sounds like their equivalent of a Hail Mary

@@starwarsnerd100 yeah it is the imperium's version of a Hail Mary except there's an entire prayer and they have to recite it like a billion times

Except the Pax Romana was achieved via ruthless military conquest. Can't leave that out.

Yo is your pfp the president from Metal Wolf Chaos? Dood that game is _fun_

Michael!!!!!!!

What was this mistake

Italian Word bearers and their religion.

@@lovebunny2652 Damn right!

30:38 Probably a lot of kiddie diddling, but, occasionally, what _literally every_ highschool depicted in anime *needs.*

I think big E would not find too many issues with the trials themselves. After all he did not object to the same practices for the Astartes. However I think he would find issues in the many instances where training requires to expressly kill other functioning recruits. Because shooting a dissident on a Wednesday is fun but having 2 functional fully trained commissars and bowing one off to certify the other is literally wasting training and resources. Most recruits even those that fail would still make exceptional administrators of imperial guard soldiers, so i think the emperor would at least advised for bruising but not killing.

Guilliman is probably contemplating giving it a complete overhaul once he's done putting out all the current fires in the galaxy

@@zoopdterdoobdter5743 a bunch of students killing/fukin each other? -shut up Alexei you gonna get us all killed!

I thought they taught you better than to state the obvious there, Commissar.

desert

A Commissar of your nature is very interesting. You may just make an excellent addition to my gallery...

@@trazyntheinfinitearchivist7866 OH GOD N-

Please tell me that someone was found sneaking by the drill Abbot and he says "I was just practicing my sneaking sadly it seems that you prove a greater challenge to me, _this_ day"

There is a real argument to be made that the Emperor became the fifth Chaos god. So, appropriate.

@@Bluecho4 He's Khorne. (It's not canon but he's obviously Khorne)

@@lazyc0mmander277 Death, not War. "Die for the Emperor so you'll be by his side."

@@lonewanderer1328 ...You do realise death is what happens a whole lot during a war right? Heck the whole Empire is for fighting and endless war for absolute purity. Did you mean conflict instead of war because that would make more sense. Even then, considering Khorne seems to only like war because of the deaths that happen...

@@lazyc0mmander277 Sacrifcial death. Not blood and skulls like Khorne. Not wonton massacre or meaningless carnage. One of Khorne's greatest champions, Azariah Kyras, described the blood shed as meaningless blood shed for it's own sake.

Caiphis Cain?

@@savathunthejudge914 HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!

Running away? What kind of heresy is this!?

@@giuseppe9653 he means moving to a better position, he says it like that, just to fuck around Whit the chaos folks

Didn't he think it was a scout spacemarine?

@@brianvanmaanen1897 I don't think it was scout spacemarine . because Bricky did point out it was Tempestus Scions . if i remember . the model had a beret . but i am not knowledgeable in term of 40k lore (more of surface level enjoyer) , so i don't really know .

He thought it was an ultramarine not a guardsman cause blue

@@CoolSs no it was a tempestus scion

It wasn't before?

Administratum Adept: Man, we need more Guardsmen to fight Chaos and Xenos. Where can we find them? Other Adept: Have we considered not murdering half of our elites in training?

@@PhilosophicallyAmerican Admin: If you a better way to prepare guardsmen for the horrors of the Galaxy while being blindingly obedient, I'd like to hear it.....*loads bolt pistol*

@@PhilosophicallyAmerican then how are they supposed to learn how to shoot cowardly guardsmen who run away?

@@PhilosophicallyAmerican But if they did that it wouldn't be as grimdark, and therefore it'd stop being 40k :O

@@juandougnac8826 I think you can do grimdark without being nonsensical. Just load the "best-friend-killing bolter" with blanks. If they don't pull the trigger, the real one comes out.

>The galaxy erupts in labored mouth-breathing. 😬

I assure you it is the emperors will

baldemort is a good one too

thatd be cool, still wanting that luetin collab first tho

I could get behind a Baldermort or a Luetin collab, I would be skipping out on MajorKill.

His dad sucks dude, have you ever met him?

@@mashlinmumph9958 eh, he's a good person if you're wearing gold.

Ah yes before magnus was born.

Magnus killed Malcador so he is guilty of everything

Well kitten has his soul

Or what about working with other 40K community people, animators, youtubers, etc like SODAZ, the dude who made Astartes, Rimmy Downunder, gLuetin, etc?

I love TTS but after reading Promethean Sun and *VULKAN LIVES!* I hate there depiction of Vulkan. It's hilarious and funny, and the Ghost of Ferrus Manus is a big part of Vulkan Lives book. But TTS never mentions how dark Vulkans character went through in these two books. What Curze done to him and his fight with the Eldar. Bricky knows because he referenced the infamous scene where Curze was trying to prove Vulkan was a monster like him and ended up creating a scenario where the Night Lords massacred humans, and Vulkan burnt an Eldar child alive to his trauma and regret. Would love a colab and DK to watch it but after the Vulkan/Salamander episode pls. We gotta see that other side of Vulkan before we appreciate. *THE BIG WAAAAGH POSSESED VULKAN YAH FLASHY GIT!*

Or make an appearance on another exciting episode of WARHAMS!!!

:(

"Parody" GW doesnt treat it like a parody, that undertone went out the window a very long time ago.

It's not Halo, bud. The 8 year olds of 40k aren't gonna be ready for the horrors of the galaxy by being taught Greek history.

@@LtSprinkulz Given the obscene amount chaos must be fed by some of this. I think Greek history would do them good. For that matter, a thorough education about their enemies would probably both reduce casualties, and increase enemy losses.

I mean Jedi weren't known to murder the parents who objected though. Seems more like a sith thing.

How odd. I remember it being the case that Jedi wouldn't take a child unless the parents agreed. Now Sith, on the other hand...

@@RabbiHerschel Uh......no

@@RabbiHerschel Please explain why real life examples of child abuse are necessary for your enjoyment of Warhammer 40K. I'm very curious to here your reasoning.

Where every character from every anime with a highschool arc should be sent...

Probably but i imagine that being a naval officer if 40k is probably more involved and needing someone whose been through a higher degree of specialization vs the army where a Scola kid headed that way is probably just going to be trained as a Commisar

@@cjstanky good point.

I get that reference

Waagh.

What part of 40k is subtle? Even their assassins are over the top

YES! Would be a HELL of a read!

A re-write of 'Tom Brown's School Days '. It's the ancestor of most boarding school narratives. You'd not even need to increase the abuse much to fit it to the Imperium.

Cain: Schola Years

*Masochist*