You guys are the only people I know of who openly share that they struggle with ruminating after having conversations. I have struggled with this for YEARS! Thank you guys. ❤

I was the black sheep. The message I received was “we could be happy, if not for you.” Today when I read in scripture about how disappointed in, and angered/hurt God was by his people, it feels directed at me. It feels like confirmation of my family’s message. My mind knows God loves me, but it just doesn’t register in my soul.

I love you two,the fact that youse share so openly,if it wasn't for youse guy's I really don't know where I'd be Today (honestly!!!)

I was told by a pastor the other day "Never cry in front of your wife because she will lose respect for you. This is just how women are." and it made me so angry to hear that because my deepest fear is not being loved despite my flaws - not being understood, seen, known, and being scorned because I'm not living up to someone else's subjective expectations. We're all human, and whether you're a man, woman, or child, we're going to have times of suffering where we cannot hold back our tears. This is what life is (especially married life). It's raw. It's real. It's gritty. It's full of hardships. And this "pastors" claim was saying that my wife is not my best friend or my ally - she's my judge and my adversary. And I've lived under judgementalism and not fitting into an ideal mold my entire life. It made me think "what's the point of marriage if you can't be vulnerable and have to hide your shame?". Because that's what oneness is. When Adam and eve were in the garden, they were naked and had no shame. They were *vulnerable*. They had complete access to each other's hearts, bodies, and minds without shame. That's how it's supposed to be. You're gonna cry on each other's shoulders many times throughout life. And if you cannot share your greatest challenges with your spouse for fear of being judged, then you're going to have a marriage of bitterness and resentment. Judging each other for your fears does NOT embody the love of God. So I challenged him on this claim and he couldn't refute anything I was saying and he couldn't back it up with any evidence. And it breaks my heart that so many people with authority in the Christian community are giving such flawed, unhealthy, and terrible advice that causes relationships to fail. So I wanted to say thank you both for your work and your ministry. Because you are the ONLY people in the Christian world that I have ever encountered who have provided a message of clarity, love, and much needed hope I have ever seen.

I was born at the end of November 1946. The coldest winter on record in England. It was sub zero until March 1947. Coal was on ration. My parents put me in the smallest room that had a coal fire to keep me warm. I didn't have the normal amount of human contact or company. It instillled into me a deep sense of being abandoned and unloved.

Hearing Melissa talking about saying "it's okay" to oneself couldn't be more timely on confirming what the Holy Spirit has guided me to do over the last week. Starting last week, I made a resolve to say "okay" to my feelings, no matter how bad, stupid, or silly my thoughts were. We're so used to listening and receiving from the inner critic and it's guilt and shame, and gaslighting yourself. I've come out of a mild case of codependent/narcissistic relationship dynamic. Me, being the codependent, learning and saying "okay" to validate a lot of feelings that have been gaslight, I'd say that kind of healthy self-talk is essential!

I absolutely LOVEEEEEEEERR this podcast. You guys are taking me to a higher and deeper level. Thank you Holy Spirit for leading me to this channel. God bless you both.

Thank you both for all that you're doing to help the hurting members of the body of Christ.❤️🙏

You guys are great. You show us that its fully possible to have a great and fruitfull marriage while still having brokeness. Thanks for ignitinge hope. Felt like a yoke fell off.

Cry & let it out sister. You make me cry just listening to you. So refreshing..

Melissa, I really relate to what you say. This is where I’m at right now

14:58 I needed to hear this.

I love how you 2 can relate and have developed a compassion for everyone going through the going through.. yall are truly awesome! And I'm joyful Abba has lead you both to love each other as it shows. Just beautiful. 😭❤️💙 I mean that, my familia in Christ.

I love this!!! You guys are talking about things so many wont. Thank you!!!!

Melissa thank you so much for being so open about what you are going through that really melted my heart help me feel a lot better

God uses you mighty; ty!!!

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! Please don't stop doing what your doing. You are SAVING LIVES!!!

I want to say, this is the best I have ever heard, I went through this as a child. So healing to hear! God bless y'all, I love y'all, your awesome, keep going!

Wow Melissa you look gorgeous!!

Thank you for being so real you guys. 💞💞

Thank you both so much. You have no idea how helpful this is!

It’s so refreshing for me to hear you say that you too ruminate after conversations Melissa, I thought I was the only one because, in all the years I’ve struggled, I’ve never heard anyone talk about this. It’s a horrible place to be. Thank you so much for sharing that.

Melissa I love your haircut 💕 you look so beautiful! Thank you both for helping me heal mentally and emotionally ❤️

I literally relate to everything you guys talked about. Thank you so much for sharing your personal battles!!

Hey Mark, you answered by question a few weeks back about blessings with "strings attached". Your insight has helped me a lot and I feel truly spoiled with the insight these last few videos on perfectionism have given me. Thank you and Melissa so much for choosing to share your own struggles; you guys are saving hearts, I know it!

Thank you both for being transparent. Thank you for your video's and for sharing your struggles, I can relate .

Thank you guys for sharing your journey on a more personal level. God is using you guys in very beautiful ways.

I really enjoy you too speaking about personal stuff. It’s such a blessing and it encourages me so much to go on with my own healing journey. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable! That podcast really touched my heart!

i would like to plant a seed to this ministry it really has been helping me grow and heal 🙏

How beautiful of a marriage y’all seem to have being able to be so emotionally raw with each other & making it a safe space to do so 🙌🏻 #goals Also, it’s interesting the parallels that seem to exist between children of alcoholics & children of emotionally neglectful parents (CEN) because I resonate soo much with whatever she says ❤

You both sharing together is wonderful. Thank you for being open, honest and transparent. Helps to know that we are all goofy 🤪 and that there is hope to grow into less goofy (although I pray I can always keep my humor goofy). You both have areas I relate too, so hearing how each handles the same situation is powerful to pull from. God bless you both and thanks again for sharing! ❤

This is so helpful!

Oh sweet Melissa, me too.. I can shred and second guess myself with a word.. sigh - I’m learning, and I have some recovery from it… but still feel rejection way more than I care to admit… 🧡 it’s almost like you have to reject them so they won’t reject you… thank you for your transparency guys… always helpful…

I think physical abandonment makes more sense because the parent is not there and therefore not there emotionally. Having someone present yet not there emotionally, I think is more confusing. It's like being lonely while surrounded by people. Makes no sense.

Your content is always great, you always get to the heart and root of issues, and thank you both for being so honest and vulnerable. How you describe the shame, abandonment and despair with spinning I totally relate to. I am so watching these videos again and taking notes. Also, the fact you guys are so authentic is priceless.. I'm so grateful for this.

I’m just so encouraged by BOTH of you. This is a whole new way of thinking for me and you both help me feel not so crazy and alone (which alone is healing for me) in things like ruminating, emotions and such. I also have had a lot of abandonment when I was a kid and everything you talk about helps me to make sense of why I struggle with what I struggle with! I am so grateful I came across your videos. Thank you for being vulnerable and REAL. It’s so needed. I know I have a lot of healing and things to rummage through, but your content has helped give me “tools”to work with. I’ve been praying for for a long time now for that. Thank you!!

Melissa you said you need to nurture yourself before you process so that you’re at a level place in your thinking … what do you do to nurture yourself? Which I believe nurturing would be reparenting… how would I go about nurturing/ reparenting myself? Thank you, missy (Aaron’s wife) 😊

Silent fathers hurt the heart of the children 😢

As I was listening to this particular video. My thoughts went back to a time I realised there is a difference between a suspicious mindset and a curious mindset, meaning with a suspicious mind it’s not of any facts but with a curious mind, it’s is built on facts. Have you thought this fits in this topic ?. I know if you have experienced a lot of negative reaction in the past it brings about suspicion. This is something I believe God taught me and it gave me a lot of freedom when I was aware I was leaning towards suspicious thinking and reject entertaining or dwelling on such thoughts.

I only know about AA, but I probably do some of the adult child too, then again, I was left with my grandparents and didn't experience any of my parent's alcoholism

Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith were the first two AA.

Because of something my therapist said when I was 13 I thought treatment team had given up on me and I thought they’d tell parents to put me in state hospital because they could give my bed to a girl they could help I didn’t know then there was no waiting list and hospital had to try hard to keep beds filled I was terrified and shed a bucket of tears I was afraid I could be in state hospital for rest of my life Somebody Anybody please hear what I’m saying Thankfully my life turned out MUCH BETTER and I went to public school and got out of hospital and later had job and in late 20s I got apartment and I was able to succeed because somebody let me and my family believed in me even when I thought they didn’t Parents had a problem communicating some things but they later said some really good things

It's like the thoughts I won't say are coming out of your mouths!

Place where I lived mental hospital

Speaking of neglect Some people where I lived were restricted to their rooms for months and not allowed to talk to other kids in group One girl when restricted this way had daily panic attacks Shed scream “ I’m scared “ and be completely out of control .Her treatment harmed her and was traumatic to witness She went through this experience 3 winters in a row The next year she wasn’t confined to room and NO panic attacks Reason she got restricted was because they didn’t like way she acted in school Nothing that called for any punishment Hospital used medical terms like Hitler used silly euphemism If they make you suffer because somebody doesn’t like your behavior it HURTS regardless what word they use This poor girl wasn’t given the TLC she desperately needed When she turned 18 she was sent to a state hospital Many years later I heard she eventually committed suicide This girl didn’t have to die The system killed her Please read my bio I’m NOT making this up It was published by a small company and most people have probably heard of it Book is not mainstream

I was in hospital almost 7 years and there was a lot of shaming Getting autism diagnoses at age 40 was like getting forgiven My illness was not my fault I was BORN ABNORMAL but therapist still insisted that I had chosen to be mentally ill Can a tiny baby in a womb choose anything Somebody please say something

My self-destruction is immediate if not sooner