She wrote a whole essay and acted out a conversation with herself to attact bums. We need to stop saying 'single mothers' and use 'fatherless children' instead to turn the spotlight back on them.

I’ve asked this question a million times. If EVERYTHING is our fault, how are they leaders?

You just got to let women like her go mother the men she has so much empathy for.

I was a high school teacher for over a decade. Many of my students felt close enough with me to share intimate details about their life well after high school and college. Some of my male students identify as incel. They came to me with sad stories of loneliness. I advised them to volunteer either at an animal shelter or at the boys and girls club where there can be found many young eligible single women (women volunteer- upper class to charities and working class at church). To my knowledge not one of them ever followed up on that. Inceldom is simply the average man's level of weakness, lack of self-discipline and selfishness bumped up a level.

She will learn. No one should tell her. When men are done with her she will learn. I pray she doesn't face rubbish from men.

The frustration Tonya has is so relatable. Some girls are tricked into believing this is bitterness, but it is not. LOOK AROUND YOU AND OBSERVE IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE. I listen to the wisdom of older women because I shall one day become one.

This was just beyond ignorant 🙄: my mother raised me on her own because she chose to practice self love and not have men drag her down

Anything to excuse the deficits in men.

what i dont understand, is why arent people looking to older men to be mentors and teachers etc. instead of coming to women with "whataboutery"

It’s always “help men 😢” but these same men would never help a woman struggling unless they can benefit. I say they figure it out or everyone can stay single and find other ways to have fulfilling lives 🎉

Don’t forget about the fathers that live on the home and give the daughter low self esteem on purpose cause how dare u think u better then me

Society has yet to teach men how to survive by themselves society still expects men to get married and be providers instead of teaching them how to cook clean and support themselves without having to use a woman as servant.

When one side is losing, they always start with the 'lets help each other out' cry when they're the ones who forced you to abandon them and shoot for the moon instead of drowning together in mud.

So women are supposed to help men… be men…???

Women are constantly being told we need to make ourselves smaller. We need to give up more of the power that we barely have, we need to calm it down. Men are never told how they need to step it up. How they need to work on themselves. Maybe men need to catch up!

I think we need to stop blaming women for how men behave.

She'll learn the hard way. Its called patriarchy, honey. THAT'S what ruins relationships.

I like how these people bring the topic of "its because women raised them, this is why the are the way they are" .Did I miss something? Where in the world fathers raised kids? It's always been mothers' responsibility to raise children. I don't remember times where fathers are caregivers for boys and girls.

See, I'm at the point with some women where I can't even get angry. Those we can help please continue to help them. The other pick-mes let them be. No conversation needed. Just let them be. We are at that point where we are not rude or nasty to these women. We just leave them along or to themselves with these men. If we don't want this type of behavior, stop rewarding it with clicks, views, and likes. Any self-help coach will tell you that if you don't like certain behaviors in people, stop rewarding that behavior with your time, energy, and presence. And that is what we need to do with these women.

I understand the cycle that is being created but what she isn't saying is we don't have any control over men that choose not be the men that are so needed

She is in for a rude awakening! No amount of knowledge and talking points will help these men. My relative(f) met a MM(blk) on a trip. He was with his wife that looked just like her and he still was not happy. He separated himself from his wife on the trip to tell my relative to leave her man(asian). He went on a whole tirade until my relative told him, "bm ain't shit". Can you imagine, a man on a trip with his blk wife worrying about who a woman is dating. Mine you he is not in the US. She is in for a rude awakening!

Men should help themselves. It's not our duty to caters to them when they don't have goals, possessions, financial stability. We're not mommy! Sorry! If we're independent, the man should be independent, not dependent on us when they're in the streets, with terrible credit and criminal convictions. Always date up!

Happy New Year Tonya and all. She got it twisted. Undesirable men caused women to become strong. If men did more housework, were more reliable and played less video games, women wouldn't have to pick up the slack.

I have always wondered why this never works the other way? The father abandonment never made BW give up. The encouragement for bm to stay single and tell women they don't need them never caused BW to give up. The chronic abuse, murder, harassment and devaluing by bm never made BW give up. Our male family members mistreating us never caused us to give up. Soooo why is their failure to do anything right exclusively BW's problem. The underachieving men in other communities, especially Asian communities have it worse than bm. They will never do better if they keep looking for answers outside of themselves.

The factory-style schools that we still use now were created for males, because most girls weren’t even allowed to go to school in the first place. My paternal grandmother was harassed by her stepfather to quit school in the 8th grade so she could do more chores at the farm. My maternal grandmother finished high school, but was never allowed to get a drivers license, because my grandfather would not let her, and she was married and pregnant right after graduation. And how come a woman can create all of this destructive behavior in the male, but she cannot create the opposite? How come no matter how hard a woman tries, she cannot positively influence the male? She can only get him to do bad things which she is responsible for, and he never is?😂 That’s some twisted super power right there.

Some people keep saying boys are being marginalized in schools but i remember a lot of boys goofing off to impress each other from quite a young age. More men should probably become teachers, nurses, therapist and social workers. They are greatly needed, a lot of men and boys would benefit from receiving services from someone they feel more comfortable with. Part of the problem is that women are expected to fix them and coddle them. They have to care about themselves and each other more.

The moment she said, "So, I see a BIG Bald-..." I lost it!!😂🤣😅

Ma’am come back and make a video about how you’ve been run through the wringer by said men in the next 5-10 years … I’ll wait .

I had some men who said that I was spoiled and had too much high esteem because my dad took care of me. If I needed something. My dad was there to help. Spoiled daddy's girl. They were actually mad that I didn't beg or cry to them for stuff. When I went to college,oh you too good for us go date a college white boy. I did but I didn't fall for their Jedi mind games. They really thought they were the catch of the season.

Sometimes I really like your anger Tonya, for real. It’s bullshit and I’m angry and it helps to see someone else as pissed as me! Yes I’m fed UP!

Except these boys never grew up to be the men their mothers didn’t have. They turned out to be punks because their fathers abandoned them not because the mother that stayed to raise him did the best she could as a single mother in this patriarchal society.

Tonya WENT IN surgically. Bravo sis...and sanctified hallelujah Amen.

Why does he need to be peeking from behind though? That alone is worth 1000 words.

These little boys see the little girls raising their hands in kindergarten and the boys see the girls are handling things. The boys see the teachers are satisfied and all is good and they don't have to do anything...ever...The message the boys receive is just let the women handle things and work hard and life is good. No one will expect the men to do anything.

I swear, Tonya, if it's not I've thing it's another. My bio father and mother are divorced. My dad is actually my step-dad. So this story is about the couple who made me. My dad had sole legal and physical custody of both my brother and I after she left. He said he got custody because she was a sorry mother, she abandoned us at his mother's house, and just never came home. She did fight over the years to get custody of us back, but it never happened until we became teenagers and we went to a visit and refused to go back home. When we did that as children, he'd send the police and they'd force us to go back but when we did it as teens, we were allowed to stay with our mom until we became adults. Fast forward, from 1989 (the year I graduated high school, me 18 then, mom 37 then) to yesterday, January 1, 2024. This dad is now in rehab for self neglect that got so bad he suffered two heart attacks and two strokes. I was ranting to my mom because I had been fussing at dad to take care of himself for years. Mind you I am a nurse, not an aide, but an actual nurse licensed in 6 states, one he lives in. He dismissed me as not knowing what I'm talking about (like he usually does) and it nearly killed him. So mom drops this bomb on me called "her side of the story". She said "he's always been that way, to do what he wanted, when he wanted, damn to hell all the consequences". The proceeds to talk about the day she left him (finally, I'm going to hear what's her excuse for abandoning us with this man). Well here goes (it's kinda long, but worth it): She and he were both working. Yet, he would NOT pay the rent. Mom said she was always fearful that when she'd walk around the corner to come home, their property would be sitting on the sidewalk. She said she'd look first before coming around because if they had been set out, she'd be so embarrassed, she'd keep walking as if those weren't even her things! She said she would come home and give my father herb WHOLE PAYCHECK for him to use to pay the bills and, get this, he'd use it to buy things like wah-wah's for his guitars, actual guitars, speakers, amps, stereos, etc because he wanted to make it big in music. He felt that investing the rent was ok because he'd make it back on that next gig, even if it meant the rent was late. Mind you, this is the 1970s! He did then what these inspiring rappers and DJs do today! Anyways, one day, she said she couldn't take the stress any longer and my grandmother was our babysitter when they went to work. She mistook my paternal grandmother's friendship for loyalty and informed her of her plans to leave. She was going to stay with a friend and get another apartment for her and us. She said she told her she'd come back and got us one she did. She got apartment a few days later and went back to get us and grandma refused to let us go, told her to talk to dad. Dad decided to move us back home to grandma, told the courts that mom just didn't come back home abandoning the family, courts awarded him custody. From my own memory, he used us to control quite a bit, all the way down to her wedding day to my "step-" dad. He made her schedule it over her legal visitation time. When she would come pick us up, he'd grab and pull on her like the were still together. She would fight and push him off. I thought they were playing. So much so that my brother and I were confused about their status but we were so young, we gave very little thought about it. I didn't understand he was actually violating her until I grew up. To say the least, that was the first I've heard that from her. I've heard bits and pieces of it from other family members, but not in its entirety. My grandmother was always "blood is thicker than water." Dad could be dead wrong, and she'd still choose him over her as he's her son.

I keep hearing that schools started favoring girls but haven't found anything on when schools changed

Lolol…she really thought she dropped knowledge……Oh pun’kin 💅🏾… we’ll circle back with you in a few years….

Chew on this. I have a son who I am pushing and investing in to succeed in school. Guess who wants him to find a job before he's legal to hold one so he can financially help himself? Guess who says education isn't important and money is wasted on it. Guess who says money is the most important thing a man can have? You guessed it. Daddy dearest! Little Missy has no clue. Many men keep men failing. Many men won't support the teachers in school, help with home work, or attend PTA meetings. Many men don't know the son's teachers or what classes they take. They don't go for reports. They don't care but they are quick to highlight, capitalize, bold, underline and red letter mistakes moms make. I've got a friend who has a son who has repeated classes repeatedly. He's quick to say his son is dunce and his momma stupid. He too has no interest in his son's education in the aforementioned ways but he is happy he can travel while his teenaged son holds down the turf when he's way. She will FAFO most of us did.

Do you know how many desirable men I’ve known and even dated who were raised by single moms? There are many. Men can make decisions. Choose to be better. It’s that simple. My ex was an incredible man and was raised by an abusive single mom. But he made himself a wonderful man. I see my husband choose the right path everyday. Men are adults. (Full disclosure: the two I mentioned here are not Black).

My husband’s Scandinavian and he was born in the 1970s. At about that time the government proclaimed to all publicly listed Companys that 40% of all staff on the ‘board’ had to be women, within a year. If they failed, they could no longer trade. It was a bloodbath, 40% of the men were sacked to make space for women. The did not go quietly! Meanwhile there weren’t enough women to fill the space, so many were fast-tracked through an MBA programme to ensure they had the skills. So my husband has grown-up seeing 40% of board members being women. This did not inhibit the boys growing up in any way. The same amount of boys went to university as the girls. I’m in the UK when our daughter started school my husband considered the Uk barberic because he couldn’t believe that only women were dropping their children to school. The inequalities that happen in the UK regarding child rearing and housework - being women’s work - he’s just never understood it. Also, in Scandinavian countries there’s more equality for paternity leave for men etc etc. So, I strongly disagree with what this woman is saying. Women in the UK and USA still need help and it mustn’t stop until 50% of board members are woman and they have equal pay. In the UK we’re still a long way off.

These women talk like any woman can force a man to marry her and stay with her take care of her and the children. WTF are women suppose to do? Men will say “just do as your told” who benefits only then? The man. It is absolutely irritating when these women think women have the power to make a man stay. If he wants to leave he will leave. The key is for women to not stay with a man just because you may have children with him. Women need to learn to walk away from that which does not benefit her. Healthy relationships means BOTH the man and women should benefit. 😌

"Help me but I'm also the leader" -men

I will not be weak to my detriment waiting for a man to step up. I like eating and not living in poverty. Women that want to wait for men to step up and live in poverty, go ahead.

WTAF. Blaming girls for boys behavior againnnn. 😦

I'm so glad I had a daughter.❤❤❤

I am OVER the Pick Me's. They can have these men, and these men can have them. I truly hope they're happy together and it generally works out for them. If some women just have to learn the hard way, then I am not going to worry myself with their situation. I will always give my experience and wisdom to young women for those who want to listen and learn. The ones who insist on being Pick Me's can have at it. Maybe it'll work out for them!

These men don't want to even provide for their children but we do need to take accountability for the men that we decide to have a child with and how they are going to be a father that provides and loves Thier child and actually wants to spend time with them so we don't repeat this cycle for our daughters. Im glad we have someone like you speaking on these topics because you have a bunch of KZfaq women just talking nonsense.

After about age 13, you can't make your child do anything, especially the boys who are taller than you by that age. In general, girls mature earlier, have higher word recognition, neater hand writing, etc. To academically perform, kids need to be in environments that value that. In the US, culture does not value intellect or academic performance for males unless those characteristics are used to exploit or dominate. I'll leave that to men to address. It's not solely the fault of women.

Preference pickme. Is all I see.

I bet she's the bread winner and going 50/50 with her man. SMH! She definitely a pick me!!!

Did y'all know that eve was to be blamed for adam's actions? 😂

When Tonya yelled "SIR....." I laughed for soooo long

Even if you walk with your head up and without visible signs of trauma, predators can sniff it out anyway.

Most women, today, have no choice BUT to become independent and self-sufficient. That’s just how it is. They know that for every breathing, living woman there isn’t a capable man. Naturally, women want men who can add to their lives. When a man brings little to no value, what is she going to do with him? Men assume that because women are more independent than they were before that they should happily accept less from men, which cannot happen either. Moral of the story: Leave women alone and mind your own business.

Decentralize men. It’s VERY SIMPLE. Do not imprison a soul by forcing them here through your desperations. Go into the woods. Be caring to animals and nature. Walk ALONE. LEARN. No one is walking beside you or protecting you. They just ARENT. If that hurts, it just hurts. Do YOUR time. And Exit. Stop this soul recycling farm. Stop it. STOP IT! *STOP IT!*

Why is she so hop up on independent women. Gorl if you want thise men you can have them. No one is checking for them they are all yours. Trust and believe

Is she trying to get a check and pander to a certain crowd? This is absolute nonsense

various stages of self-love or self-abuse -- AMAZING. thank you!

I'm curious as to whether the man in the background SINCERELY understood what she was saying or did it just sound good to him and decided to repost? Just because you have the mic doesn't mean ur always right....just my thoughts🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️...Keep teachin' the people Ms. Tonya! Luv ya!❤🙌🏾🫶🏾

Thank you for your service tonya

Not that lady blaming Ritalin prescriptions on misandry as if it’s not due to over medication of children AND ignorance of adhd in girls 🤨 Everyone needs to do what feels most natural. Achievement, hard work, ambition, education, health are all things anyone has the free will to pursue. Pursue what feels most natural and stop looking to another gender to pick up and do it for you.

Boooo this women 🍅🍅🍅😂 Na for real though, this is sad. Girl stop trying to cuddle, protect and save grown a$$ men 🙄

A strong woman’s match is a strong man, and conversely, a strong man’s match is a strong woman. When you know, you know. If you have to shrink to give permission to someone to feel human, I’ll tell you now… RUN! You always be the reason for their level of participation and responsibility.

I love this channel. Your words are so precise that you articulate things I have felt but couldn’t quite identify. I appreciate you!

Where are they getting the fake news that they are kings 😂

You went off. Subscribed ✨

I am so sleepy right now, and i didnt understand her point. But even i know shes talking mess.

STRAIGHT FACTS‼️‼️

Exactly perfect !!

3:22 Thank you!

Everything is our fault 😂😂

I have a fatherless child and let me tell you I would never wish it on ANYONE

Here's a concept. I'm willing to bet that BOTH men and women can become 6 figure earners who contribute equally to the family. No one is a threat to anyone, no one is competing and counting numbers. When she has to stop for babies and child rearing, he's not creating her a tab of what she owes him without giving her any credit for the work she's found for him and the family. I'm willing to bet if men saw women as the INDIVIDUAL HUMAN BEINGS that we are, this competition THEY created between us and them, would be no more.

For me, I don't need a man because NEED comes from lack and when you lack you tend to get desperate and you will settle for any type of nonsense. I want a man, but I will self love me first until I find the man that will be a healthy partner for me. I never have and never will put up with foolishness. Yes mothers are being forced to raise their sons in to what they were hoping that their father's were. I don't see that as a bad thing unless they over baby them. I mean when a man leaves us for whatever the reason are we supposed to whither and die?! No! We need to get up and continue to live our lives. I feel like she is blaming mothers instead of blaming the father's that walked out on the mothers making their children fatherless. I agree she'll find out soon enough. Little lady, it's not bitterness it's life experience. She can psycho-analyze all she wants, she'll see for herself cause I guarantee there is a toxic dude that has his eye on her and will give her all the right answers and then do her wrong just to show he could. I hope that it doesn't happen, but I wouldn't be surprised.

Why do men want to be in "needy" relationships? Isn't that toxic? Don't they warn you about the needy friend, coworker, and family members, but now all of a sudden it's okay to be a needy partner in a relationship? The math isn't mathing. Why not want a relationship where you are WANTED. A person can need you and not want you around too.

Hard hitting 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Only 2 days in the new year and still the same ole nonsense..... Still in the middle of the day on the internet complaining about women when they should be at work.

Damn Tonya - I love listening to you and your channel!!! You are fire all the way!❤❤❤

I've just found your channel am greatiful I have someone talking about this since young age I've lived as a gal who respects my boundaries, have a say to my life to which the community calls un submissiveness , I wonder and sometimes i feel like punching their heads to have some brain, they expect a woman to make an old man growup, again to nature the kids,yet again they expect her not to act or move in line with these activities how gross and unrealistic can the community be!!!!!🤨☹️? I vowed never to be unhappy because of the community norms in the name of having a man to hell with that even if it means being single Am a black African women

Merry New Year everyone, may your year be filled with love, joy, blessings, abundance and peace. ❤

chileeeeee one thing about TONYAAAA SHES GONNA READ ‼️🎁🥂 STRAIGHT FACTS‼️

Can you please add the link to the study you were referring too?

The bald guy is the puppet master and she's the dummy!😂

Strong women dont make undesirable men. They just make it public when a man is undesirable, rather than hiding it to spare a mans ego

6:47 right 💯

1:18 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾❣️

She looks so sad. Bless her heart.

amen!

Life will learn her ❤

Absolutely True, always hiding behind a womans skirt and not working on yourself man.

Who's pretty???? 🧐🤥

There is no distinction here its always all of them an all their fault. Come get yalls xx together immediately cause she's on the wrong side 😂😂

How bout talking about how few fathers raised their own sons? Yeah, this young pick me, uses words nicely, but is saying absolutely nothing

Its seldom not women versus women.

Plp really need to do rough drafts before they post videos talking fast with intense facials doesn’t mean you are making good point to the young lady with burgundy shirt

EXACTLY 💯

Let me the pick-mes do as they please. Irrelevant to my existence I hope they get get picked ✌🏿.

Good video, but amount of adds is insane

Why cant they just choose better so they can stop complaining about women. Own up to your choices and do better next time. Stop knocking up wonen.

I love this women ❤ she knows the game