Psychology doctor reacts to dating coaches' advice

No video

Psychology doctor reacts to dating coaches' advice

Рет қаралды 30,525

Күн бұрын

👩‍❤️‍👨 My relationship course: psychologywith...
📖 My novel, The Curse in Their Veins: a.co/d/5MWDEoo
✍️ New journaling workbook, The Personal Growth Journal: a.co/d/f4SxSBy
✍️ Daily journaling workbook, A Season of Life: www.amazon.com...
🌙 My website: www.dranayudin.com
🛒 My Amazon storefront: www.amazon.com...
📚 Books I love: amzn.to/3sPqThH
🌷 Beauty products I use: amzn.to/47x9g58
🕯️ Home decor I use: amzn.to/40XrElg
🌐 Technology I use: amzn.to/46DSD6G
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
👋 Follow me on TikTok: / psychologywithdrana
🎃 Check out my cozy channel, Book & Hearth: / @bookandhearth
In this video, I react to some of TikTok's relationship advice from dating coaches, fact-checking some claims and giving my general opinion on uncertified coaches.
Intro music: Church of 8 Wheels by Otis McDonald
Outro music: Lensko Let’s Go
Time Stamps:
0:00 Intro
0:27 Hypergamy
6:54 Self-respect
8:59 The dark side of stonewalling
12:24 Comparisons after toxic relationships
14:49 The importance of walking away
16:21 Do women like a**holes?
17:38 Thoughts on dating coaches

Пікірлер: 130

@AnaPsychology 6 ай бұрын

Also! I completely forgot about this until after I recorded and edited the video, but there was a huge meta-analysis that actually debunked the idea that men and women go after different things in partners (respectively, good looks and high SES). The study found that, while people *say* they want a partner in a way that’s consistent with gender patterns, they actually don’t follow through with those mate choices in practice. The difference in men vs women choosing based on different types of “hypergamy” was small and nonsignificant. I went into this topic in depth about a year ago: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/jtqCg9Wh3pfXlqM.htmlsi=iY5BJWJOj3KNOrYr

@user-qr5lk8ph4g 6 ай бұрын

The number one thing ppl want in a partner is someone who is nice lol. It’s that simple.

@Pssst.ByTheWay 6 ай бұрын

@@user-qr5lk8ph4g ding ding ding He have the solution to it all right here forks! 😏 its that simple. Dunning Kruger is your friend

@Phayze101 6 ай бұрын

Is the finish line relevant? That does not describe how the race goes.

@Pssst.ByTheWay 6 ай бұрын

@@Phayze101 interesting point.

@NebulaComments 6 ай бұрын

One of the worst things to come out of this short form content era is pseudo intellectuals making outlandish claims that are seemingly accepted based on 'there was a study' or 'in my time as an (insert anything) coach'. We need genuine researchers and scientists with opinions based on robust studies spreading information, not these tiktok scientists! It's good to see your video repoing the cause for the former haha

@TheOpy83 6 ай бұрын

Yeees, correct! This is one of the reason I despise TikTok content.

@michaelpassmore7839 5 ай бұрын

They are out there but you just have to weed through all of the “self proclaimed experts” now. Tik tok is not a good place to find facts but is one for opinions.

@christianyaerger1751 6 ай бұрын

With regard to "Czar Danya's" commentary of people leaving a relationship over a "small/petty thing": 9 times out of 10, that "small thing" comes on the heels of innumerable other events, and this "small thing" is simply the camel that broke the camel's back. A lack of self awareness and communication is what results in "small things" ending relationships. It's hilarious how these "Dating Gurus" don't know they're telling on themselves. XD

@AnaPsychology 6 ай бұрын

⬆️ THIS ⬆️

@hannesneutze1581 6 ай бұрын

Another issue could be that something is small for one person and big for another person

@MuseSunflower 6 ай бұрын

The second guy was cringe. If she likes you she’ll let you get away with more 🤢

@FirstnameLastnames 5 ай бұрын

He's giving "tell me you're a predator w/o telling me you're a predator"

@RabiaSammy 6 ай бұрын

You're such a breath of fresh air! omg im so exhausted by seeing these "dating coaches" and these "red pill" content creators they're spreading really harmful messages and its so overwhelming to see that stuff everyday

@aabidahsiebritz3839 6 ай бұрын

This trend of people blaming feminism for men and women not finding partners and for the divorce rate. "Was the juice worth the squeeze?, yes!" I loved that.

@DrTaylorBurrowes 6 ай бұрын

Retired therapist here, turned dating and relationship coach with a doctorate. Consumers need to know the difference between entertainment and education. Unfortunately there are too many damaging personalities out there - and worse there are some malevolent con artists lying about their backgrounds.

@aelfredrex8354 6 ай бұрын

Once upon a time, the Creep was just a Creep. Now they all have webcams and claim to be dating coaches.

@davidestrada943 6 ай бұрын

I've been skipping some of the dating coaches posts I follow lately out of annoyance or a sense of they're not being helpful. The lack of credentials is also a big concern.

@vikilau8416 6 ай бұрын

Thank you for being authentic and non biased based on your professional knowledge. So tired of this “ red pill” trend spreading harmful dating advice and toxicity! Treating your gf/wife nicely is considered “ a simp” , oh if a girl who’s not a virgin , she’s a hoe, not loyal and won’t be a good mother. This is so wrong and dangerous !

@Vimarioly 6 ай бұрын

I love so much what you share, sometimes I feel lonely by thinking I may be the only person trying to be reasonable and understanding. Seeing your videos, how you are so calm and intelligent reminds that I'm not alone. Also I learn so much!

@clau_sing_ 6 ай бұрын

This is the only way I'm consuming TikTok from now. By watching intelligent people like you react to the nonsense they spew out

@BecomingBoundless 6 ай бұрын

This kind of content is not on my TikTok FYP. Thank God.

@areej1109 6 ай бұрын

I enjoy hearing your perspectives so much. Always on point and so smart, eloquent and educated!

@MuseSunflower 6 ай бұрын

My problem is the black and white mentality. All these extreme claims are dangerous when there’s absolutely no room for nuances and the complexities that come along with being human. Some dating advice is necessary especially if you never had never healthy role models. But make sure to leave room for your own critical thinking.

@queenkristine9590 6 ай бұрын

🤭 he doesn’t realize how much he’s telling us about himself. it’s not about women, not about relationships, it’s about his unhealed pain. LOL

@blairdurward4324 6 ай бұрын

Why would you laugh at that?

@queenkristine9590 5 ай бұрын

@@blairdurward4324 without watching the 20 min video all over again, i assume it’s because some detail about it struck me funny. i bet if i watched it again, i could pinpoint exactly what it was that made me laugh. most likely the irony.

@mostdope2061 6 ай бұрын

Wow, I’ve been watching a lot of dating content on KZfaq and this video has helped me piece a lot of things together. I had been getting too used to hearing content that was only in guys favor or women’s favor. This video seems way more balanced and refreshing to hear. Thank you for that, I needed this grounded perspective!

@CBMX_GAMING 6 ай бұрын

I thought Reddit dating advice was bad, but these TikTokers are genuinely unhinged lol. Wonder what your opinion on some top posts of r/dating_advice would be.

@olivercharles5581 25 күн бұрын

"We have evolved past the point where we have to give into every instinct and evolutionary impulse" thats not what im getting from humanity but I admire the optimism

@michellegirau8136 6 ай бұрын

The problem with people like this is hey use their own experience to give advice. Knowing how different each situation is it can help people more. As a therapist myself i would only go to a coach if they were a therapist at one point. There is so much training and it seems the coaches just skip all of that.

@burnttofunuggets8653 6 ай бұрын

I’d love to see a video on the Sprinkle Sprinkle lady!

@babys8640 6 ай бұрын

yes pls!! because i don’t want her to be right but (almost)everything she says makes sense 😭

@realyoyoweb 5 ай бұрын

It's so enjoyable and refreshing to ear a woman doctor in psychology here talking about those topics!

@kun_kue 6 ай бұрын

Hi Ana! Please do feminine energy coaches.

@KerenSolnishko 6 ай бұрын

i say the more divorces we have the less there is widows around here :)

@latinaalma1947 6 ай бұрын

Im 76 there are loads of widows in my social group...every year more and more unfortunantly and few remarry.

@KerenSolnishko 6 ай бұрын

@@latinaalma1947 I‘m 36 and there r a lot of divorced Ladies my age, some of whom could be widows

@softlife45 6 ай бұрын

Hes so angry sounds personal 😂

@shorts-xb1op 6 ай бұрын

This video is such a breath of fresh air, thank you so much for making this. Every time I see tiktok dating content I just feel depressed that there are people out there taking this stuff seriously

@felixtownn 3 ай бұрын

Yes! It's good to see that there are sane people on the internet as well.

@zxz8443 6 ай бұрын

When you were talking about the potential of helpful uncertified dating coaches the first one that came to mind was Jimmy On Relationships here on KZfaq.

@JessicaRuiz323 6 ай бұрын

He has really thoughtful content, and I’m glad I found his stuff last year.

@bostonb4kedbeans 3 ай бұрын

@@JessicaRuiz323I really like his videos! It helped me find my voice in a very emotionally abusive relationship!!

@WhatsTherapy 6 ай бұрын

being an unethical dating coach looks so easy if you somehow get the intellect and conscience extracted from your brain

@jesseskellington9427 6 ай бұрын

9:45 child abandonment if it's not nurtured out of that child into adulthood it will remain indulgent as a triggering function. This stems from the "forbidden experiment" where they took 24 orphans removed any human contact except for their essential needs and they all died.

@jesseskellington9427 6 ай бұрын

Isn't this function of stonewalling/going silent also triggering trauma bonding? :-)

@annap1171 5 ай бұрын

Why are all these "dating coaches" screaming their lungs out 😂😂😂

@christiansaenscheidt9056 3 ай бұрын

"incredibly incorrect", "not how the world works", yeah ... divorced and love-scammed. Indebted with no chance of ever recovering. It is EXACTLY how the world worked for me.

@michaelpassmore7839 5 ай бұрын

Economics 101: When you tell someone what they want to hear, they are more likely to pay you to be their coach

@user-qr5lk8ph4g 6 ай бұрын

3:17 I love that- women are not competing with each other.

@tinymegazell6060 6 ай бұрын

I really appreciate your commentary but I feel like if you continue to do content on this you will attract the wrong audience. This type of content is usually very misinformed and pulling some type of agenda, I don't even think it's worth your time. I think you should stick more to overall general help for people or if you do more videos like this focus on overall mindsets that contribute to this instead of like individual videos. I also don't want any incels here this is a very positive space we have

@Moshm4n 6 ай бұрын

TikTok is where healthy constructive relationships die. The content is just a crash course on game playing. It's wild.

@ilikemaline 6 ай бұрын

This was interesting. I think as someone who had to heal a lot of my own trauma yes it makes me an "expert" on my type of issues and I can relate and also I have a big capacity to hold space for people now after all that work. But I also did a MA in counselling and plan on to train as a therapist I saw a lot of people kind of get lost in their own sauce. When you don't have enough general knowledge and the capacity to have a really wide view of the situation you can do way more harm than good.

@dakine4238 2 ай бұрын

Also curious about friendships. I have someone I know that's demanding for me to talk to her because she's going through a hard time and I'm drained.

@nihalhathaway4089 6 ай бұрын

I agree, there should be more regulation on who gets to call themself "dating expert" (or any expert) on social media!

@venrakdrake 6 ай бұрын

Ahhh!!!! So glad I Found you and this video!!! Enough is ENOUGH of everybody being an expert!! My therapist has constantly had to tell me to stay away from advice about dating and human behavior that ISN'T coming from someone with an actual doctorate. You should collab with Dr. K on youtube! He's the only other guy I take advice from on this platform.

@am.ivanova 6 ай бұрын

I agree that the lack of regulation/criteria when it comes to dating coaches opens up the door to a lot of potential issues. While it's true that there are people out there with valuable insight and experience who can help others, if you don't have good critical thinking skills, it gets difficult to determine who the "right" people to listen to are. I still think those people with something helpful to say should have an outlet where they can share this knowledge but we need people to learn how to evaluate sources better and how to make better decisions about whom to follow, and I'm not sure how we can do that.

@paulrhyne4 6 ай бұрын

You're awesome Dr. Ana!!!

@nathanrohde3440 6 ай бұрын

This is a very reasonable take.

@Badger8200 6 ай бұрын

Would you or have you reviewed black pill content?

@AnaPsychology 6 ай бұрын

To tell you the truth, I'm not even sure what that is!

@Drunkonlove12332112 6 ай бұрын

what a breath of fresh air this video was.

@lime7111 6 ай бұрын

Would love to hear more of your takes on dating. It seems like you have a quite balanced and healthy perspective which is quite lacking these days.

@sandwich675 6 ай бұрын

Love your thought process!

@mariacarlacabrera 6 ай бұрын

You are brilliant I wish I had a psychologist like you

@banish6draw2 6 ай бұрын

Great content as always! Curious what song was used at the 4:20 mark lol

@joannahzamora 6 ай бұрын

Does Nelly know that women couldn't even have their own bank accounts or credit cards without being married until the 70's, when feminism was changing the legal landscape? Czar if she blocked you her wish IS that you pull away. That was the point 😅. Also, he sounds super anxiously attached. He needs therapy to heal, not to be giving dating advice.

@Cowface 6 ай бұрын

These guys are a bunch narcissistic bros with abuser vibes

@isthataspider7410 5 ай бұрын

"Don't LET women block you" uh.... what? Block her back and let her go. What happened to growing up?

@lily29997 4 ай бұрын

Do you think physical violence is ok if it happens as a one off and is not severe? Like with boundaries - I feel like physical fighting is just a dealbreaker - not something you say ‘oh if you do that again I’m breaking up with you’, surely if it’s got to the point where they feel ok laying a hand on you that’s extreme toxicity. But then my friend said in her opinion if a couple has been in a marriage for many years and the husband slaps her a couple of times in all those years that’s fine…. I disagreed because I think it’s a risk to stay with someone who’s willing to cross that line, but I’m curious as someone who’s studied relationships, what you think about this ethically

@catcat9582 5 ай бұрын

I wish my mind was as healthy as yours

@painis_hard280 6 ай бұрын

Damn you really scrapped the bottom of the barrel on most of these.

@Pssst.ByTheWay 6 ай бұрын

7:16 what is petty. Ofcourse everyone defined their own deal breakers. But i think its reasonable to assume that someone who considers some random „ick“ like the way your legs looked underwater or the face you ear moved while running, is a tad unreasonable And playing it off as a matter of „self respect „ is unfair to what is reasonable… You’re making a general statement to something id say for the majority is true but not everyone.

@twentysth 6 ай бұрын

I'd be very curious to see what you think about Matthew Hussey, seeing as he's one of the more popular dating/life coaches with longer videos.

@cougsjohnson1 3 ай бұрын

I think that Nelly only tends to use "Her Worldview" on Dating which is not going to resonate with most people.

@radfoo72 6 ай бұрын

As a guy, I've Never dated up because that's just not really in the cards for me but it would be nice😆

@theuscivicsnerd7070 5 ай бұрын

One dating coach I saw that was attractive but has a male target audience said “shoot your shot don’t take rejection wear her out” like NOOOOO that is asking for restraining orders and worse and it’s just not a good idea at all. Why continue to pursue despite rejection.

@user-qr5lk8ph4g 6 ай бұрын

13:14 okay that toxicity he is talking about, Matthew Hussey has given all the codes basically for dealing with a guy like the one in the video.

@catsrule256 6 ай бұрын

11:18 has the same energy as that part in Hot Rod "Babe Wait, Babe please Babe no BABE WAIT BABE WAIT"

@adamat4082 6 ай бұрын

I think any dating coach should first provide a proof of concept by disclosing their successful dating life lmao. Taking one look at these people and hearing the way they speak, you just know it's a hot mess.

@SoVidushi 6 ай бұрын

Enjoying these react videos lately

@mmmmdani 6 ай бұрын

“When you guys are disgusting something” Ummmm you mean discussing, bro?

@Bridgingthegap-withTaven 6 ай бұрын

This coach has issues like it's not about half of the things she's talking about and she's over generalizing gender roles extremely. Good dating advice should be surrounding communication styles and attachment understanding, developing together while giving space for each other I heard almost none of that from this so-called coach

@Rotting12 6 ай бұрын

It all just seems like projection

@cynki3224 6 ай бұрын

id like to hear your thoughts on Todd V dating, he seems to be one of the more decent ones in this sort of trend.

@Scruffed 6 ай бұрын

I follow a KZfaqr called Dr. Layne Norton, who focuses on fitness and nutrition. He has a regular segment every Friday called "What The Fitness", in which he reacts to wild social media claims by widely followed TikTokers or KZfaqrs about his areas of expertise. You could make a "What the Dating" 🤔.

@TheOpy83 6 ай бұрын

Great work, Ana! I think it would be really helpful of you did a sort of series to analyze this type of content.I don't get it though: why do people who want relationship advice listen to the first yahoo yelling on TikTok and spewing harmful "advice".Why don't people do their due diligence and search for a true specialist??? I mean, doesn't anybody ask: who are these people? What are their credentials? What professional experience do they have?

@radfoo72 6 ай бұрын

You mentioned that there is no "governing body" to step in if harmful advice is being given and that's what ya call an unregulated open market🙃

@pb11118 6 ай бұрын

Dating experts like this seem to have no expertise whatsoever. They've tapped into the scarcity market of lonely people. It's wonderful that we women are able to divorce & be liberated from the shackles of the patriarchy! I personally had a Divorce Party 🥳 🎉 So many people were like ' oh I'm sorry' I was like 'incorrect answer! Congratulate me!' Plus it's such a heteronormative take. And quite frankly so infantilising and patronising. Like a woman's worth is that she's reduced to a breeder or wife. Whoever that 'expert' is , she's got some internalised misogyny to unpack. Love your work!!

@Ericsportstechpro 6 ай бұрын

I think she would make a good dating coach

@ziggystardust457 6 ай бұрын

Tik Tok...I'll never understand it.

@ToaNyroc 6 ай бұрын

great video!

@anjanamohandas6596 6 ай бұрын

You are really right ma'am

@e6e55 6 ай бұрын

What are some good dating coaches according to you pls suggest some

@paulrhyne4 6 ай бұрын

Spectrum middle ground with humans in general, facts!!! 💯❤️

@rezwan_edit 6 ай бұрын

You are a woman with great value,Ana!

@jesseskellington9427 6 ай бұрын

14:20 what are the hormones of the honeymoon phase versus the relationship phase anyone know? :-)

@christophewells3918 6 ай бұрын

I think this is a winner direction

@mattmurray9041 6 ай бұрын

This is hilarious. Thank you for debunking this crap.

@Troy-ol5fk 6 ай бұрын

Insightful

@Han.ban11 6 ай бұрын

I would love a candle

@jesseskellington9427 6 ай бұрын

14:39 isn't this the core element of trauma bonding?

@marianistor8163 6 ай бұрын

They all shout 🫨

@kayladavis4574 6 ай бұрын

AMAZING VIDOE ANA❤

@user-mg8if8po4e 6 ай бұрын

Sería muy interesante que hicieras algún tiempo de colaboración o podcast con Daniel Mackler, un ex terapeuta que comparte muchos mensajes interesantes y útiles para la vida en general.

@AnaPsychology 6 ай бұрын

Conozco sus videos! Me parece una persona muy amable :)