i did tell my parents, i reminded of them of some of the biggest moments that were hard in recent memory. this is because while the issues were not recent only and had been going on my entire childhood, if things were pleasant enough in adulthood i'd never go no contact over it. at the very least, our differing values were making me low contact or at least left me feeling estranged even when i was still with them. but i wasn't going to go no contact. they literally disowned me in a fit of rage and then came back with smiley face emojis as if nothing ever happened. then they told me they never said that. it didn't happen. wow problem solved. they have "no idea" why i would do this because they straight up never believe me when i tell them anything. i begged them to lower their voice. they said they weren't yelling (they were). i tried to explain myself they said they didn't want to hear it, but that i can't question authority. they contemplated kicking me out on the spot over an extremely small "offense". they disowned me over spending christmas day with my in laws instead of them and then said "i never did that". plus our differing values have made me lose the image of my mom as a good person. she talks about other people in such a way i don't comprehend, i don't feel like i was raised to have that mindset and yet she expects me to have it anyway bc she does. using "i statements" has never once worked to calm the situation or facilitate conversation and understanding. i tried therapy. it doesn't. work. i believed they hated me at one point. "we have no clue why they would do this to us" except when i lay it out "you did this. this. this. you said this. you respond this way." they just simply say "no i didn't" and thats that. oh but "we have noooo idea whyyyy"

Why do you keep calling the choreographer Leroy? In movie, his name is Thomas pronounced “To-ma.”

I am an estranged parent, also a therapist, intensely self reflective and self critical. Being in a therapist network, I do know that therapists can also be part of the problem by undermining the necessity of family ties and failing to support the family unit by discussing generational concerns. In other words, young parents who estrange from their parents fail to realize that they are more likely than not to perpetuate estrangement and won't understand until their children estrange from them and be left to wonder why. The whole family needs to be treated, and all parties need to take responsibility (good boundaries and open communication).

Great video Ana ! I was wondering if you could make a video on how to be less easily annoyed. I feel like I get angry and triggered pretty easily, and it would be nice if I had techniques or skills to grounds

Haven’t spoke to my mom in three years and my dad in one. It was not an easy decision to make, and there’s a lot of pain involved, but it was for the best. I knew that the cycle would just continue and I would never be able to grow as a person if I didn’t.

Wow. Every single description is my ex husband to a t.

generalization is necessary. if we arent allowed to generalize somewhat then whats the point of even discussing a topic?

Better than seeing the family on a True Crime episode

I read Gottman's book in an attempt to repair my marriage. Unfortunately, he was unwilling to change (our therapist diagnosed him as a narcissist) but one thing I did learn from the book was regarding defensiveness. I never displayed the other 3 behaviors (my partner did) but I learned that it is wise to and restorative to all relationships to listen to someone when they offer complaints. I was always so afraid of being punished and felt at times people were unfair to me, but realized even in those cases, it's ok to just say: "Tell me more. What can I do to repair this? Thank you for telling me, I will think about that." It is very liberating!

I'm just not gonna get married in the first place 😅

I fail to see how demanding that they own someone else's life, demanding that someone else has no right to privacy, trying to set their personal preferences, dictating a right to arbitrarily interfere in someone else's marriage, relentlessly belittling berating and attacking them, screaming abuse, and throwing violent tantrums in someone else's home after being calmly told no or asked to stop, have big situational elements that make it okay.

Cutie.

We need to hold space for those people to share their experiences, not shut them down.

AI is my ideal partner for sure ! AI LOVE AI

One of my fav youtubers

Are you unable to say the word “abuse”?

Or they are homophobic and im mega gay!

Kids become adult and having their own life’s. Yes this period is a big change for a parent but just accept they have their own journey.

That´s a great mindset to have... but cats are always better 🐱🥰

Family is garbage. I've broken contact with all my family. I want nothing to do with them. Waste of air and waste of time.

Thank you for the video. I went no contact for approximately 5 years and now I have re-unified somewhat, but it is an extremely vapid, banal and empty relationship I now have with my parents. They have repeatedly shown that they cannot wholly accept who I am and I am unwilling to live as anyone but myself so I give them what they can accept, the parts of me that they can handle. I'd estimate that they 'know' 30% of who I am and so our familial relationship is 30% of what it could be. I feel pain from this always, but it is one of the only decisions that has allowed me to grow into the person I want to become. I love you Mum and Dad, I just wish you could love who I am.

That book changed my life.

Im so angry with stuff like this being on trending , same happened with Anxiety, its normal to have but its diffrient when you have chronic Anxiety that i have , its start with a panick atack , usually fainting from severe overthink that you trully think you have something, over stress . It had distroy my way to function with the world for 3 years , thank God aint that problematic now . Glad you spoke about it althouth im an year late😂❤

Part of the problem is there is no true education on relationships.

And then on top of 50% of divorce, we have a multi-polar trap society that creates tons of of stress on everyone

"oh wow that was not skibidi of your partner, he was definitely not sticking his gyatt out for the rizzler"

I want to send her this but I know it won't help

10:30 "I think it's pretty simple to deduce what pleasant emotions mean" - I'm not sure this is self-evident? I'm not sure it's any easier than with the "negative" ones

Other people do turn your children against you, even if it's just the constant stream of 'entitled' KZfaq and Instagram. Talking things through and working stuff out is now out of date. It's been replaced by 'rights' and selfishness. If you are not intentionally hurting your child and you have behaviors which hurt them (perhaps because of a subconscious legacy of your own childhood) then you really should be given a chance. I didn't really give up on my mum until last year and I am 52, and that's not me going no contact, that's just me accepting she does not have any interest. You can't really reach out to your child now and try to reconcile because it would be viewed as harassment.

hmm...I don't really have contact with my mum but that's after 52 years. My daughter tried doing this to me at 20...It's harsh when the childhood you gave them was already way better than the childhood you got and you didn't pull away till your 50's. I think though in the modern world people feel 'entitled' a lot and don't have other qualities such as humility, patience, love, respect and honor. I tried to help my mum a lot and to some degree that worked a lot. But to give up at 20!? And there wasn't like long discussions in which she told me all her feelings. She just went. So I defo think there's a difference between the way young people think now and the way they did.

The parents are a template for how to manage relationships

My mother in law threatened her caretaker son with knives. I think that was reason enough for all her children to go completely no contact.

you're beautiful

why do you censor the word “abuse.” feels kinda alienating, like its something we shouldnt talk about

oppose negative emotions with positive emotions, like when you're ultra angry try to express gratitude and love; treat difficult people as kids acting out; do good acts to people, foster love.

Ownttt q fofo hehein mainha 8:19

My parents are divorced, and yes as the video said, i started living with my first bf just to escape home, also that relationship was incredibly abusive and i at the time cuz of religious believes thought that i had to marry this person and remain together for life, but as much as i wanted it to work out we didnt have one single thing in common nor values, life plans nothing, so when i realize that it wouldnt work out, i escaped quickly. I've always wanted to get married and have kids, actually the latter part is more important to me than the first, but if things go wrong i think i'd divorce but obviously i'd try to save the relationship as much as i could.

I went no contact with my mom in 2020 because she was abusive and controlling. I’d rather have nothing than deal with what I was dealing with. I went no contact with my Dad this year because turns out he’s an abuser too lol. I thought he was better. Never again.

It hurt more to have her in my life than to go no contact.

or mayyybe just maybe seeing your parents not finding better people is a reason for you to think twice if the divorce is really worth it since you're probably just gonna end up single or divorced a second time.

Can you talk about your moon celebrations

not me laying down asking myself " yes i need to do a b c d l m n o p x y z but what do i WANT to do ??? " just yesterday 🥹 i love how validating this vid feels now 🥹🥹🥹

can you do a collab with dr k / healthygamergg?

Jesus… a dear friend sent this to me the other day as I just had a traumatic breakup (I am the one that called it quits but it was so hard and painful and confusing) and oh my god. Almost the entire video was way too familiar to me. Thank you so much for making this it helps so much for me to process and learn from my experiences. ❤️‍🩹

Just binge watched BB after not seeing it after 6 years or so. Still a brilliant show. But my criticism of Walter White has become very harsh. He’s not a sympathetic anti hero after all. On the other hand, he is surrounded by dysfunctional family members too.

Excellent book

My parents taught us to trust no one, so we don’t trust them either. They’ve done nothing to earn that, it’s just what we were taught.