I’m thinking of making TikTok reaction videos a series! Please tag me on TikTok if you want me to react to it or fact-check it @PsychologyWithDrAna Also, I just learned that there's a practice called "cake smash" in Australia and "mordida" in some Latin American cultures, so that definitely clarifies what happened at 8:46... If you're from a culture that has this tradition, I'd love to pick your brain about the following: What are your thoughts on this practice? Was the cake smash in question reflective of how it usually looks? I'm specifically noticing that the birthday girl pushed the other woman's hand when she tried to do it a second time, and she didn't look very happy about it, so how would you balance tradition with boundaries in such a moment?

A person running their tongue over their teeth is a subconscious sign that someone just had their braces removed hahaha

The "runs tongue across teeth" mannerism is just one of those things that can only ever exist in a mafia boyfriend fanfic

It scares me when ppl are “body language experts” bc I’m neurodivergent and I have a bit of a delayed processing of hearing and interpreting what someone just said to me then I have to think what reaction is “normal” to give back and I know I look all kinds of ways when I’m doing this so I think it’s kind of unfair. The other vids about the girls bday, friends negative comments/jokes, & keeping a mental record of how ppl act towards you is the actual valuable and information here.

I think it’s important to keep in mind that it’s possible people who blow up at tiny jabs, while not okay, might have been the target of “just jokes” in their friend groups in the past and now can’t tell if people are joking or being mean

About the birthday cake video, "mordida", which is what the older woman was yelling, translates to "bite" in spanish and it's a mexican tradition in which we push people into the cake (I have no idea why lol) and it's quite common for people to opt out precisely because some people go batshit. For instance, if you took a long time to get ready for your special day, maybe you tried extra hard on your make up, you'd likely avoid the tradicional pushed-into-a-f*cking-cake mordida, and maybe go for a careful bite into a slice of cake, so you'd tell people around you that NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO PUSH YOU. What the older woman did seems too aggressive, so I agree that it does seem driven by animosity, but it might be overlooked since she can say "It's a tradition!!"

It has taken me 26 years to experience what real friends should be like… :(

I love bantering with people but only people I really trust.

Ive heard the cake in the face thing is a tradition for some cultures, but its happened to me before and even though it was in good fun, i have never felt so awful on my birthday in my entire life when that happened to me, nothing about it felt fun at all

100% true about abusers and birthdays. I wish this kind of Contant was around when I was in the thick of it. It’s a very hard thing to understand when someone is intentionally doing things to make you cry or make you upset. Then gaslight you that it’s not a big deal. My ex would tell me he wanted a birthday party or something specific, and I would make it happen, and then on my birthday he would last minute hand write me a card. That was it or he would be angry, upset with himself, and make it all about him being a loser being there so that. I would end up, comforting him. Don’t waste 14 years or any years on people who can’t make you feel special one day a year lol

Banter is a sign of emotional intimacy and maturity in a relationship. Being able to banter comfortably together is relationship/friendship goals, IMO. It's heathy to have some good-faithed fun with someone you love.

I agree about the micro expressions being pseudo science. Sometimes I noticed I can have really weird micro expressions depending on how the person is telling their sad story or happy story. If they smile I will smile back. Also, it can also depends on my mood. If I had a really bad day, I may not be or show that much happiness for a friend who is telling me about their good news. It's not because I don't want them to be happy, it's just because that day I just won't be able to feel joy as easily, that's all. I noticed that a lot of misinformation like this tends to dramatize things a lot. Even probably make people a bit paranoid. That's not very useful for relationships Great content as always Ana!

in my relationship, i struggle a lot to tell the difference between hidden animosity and lighthearted banter. i can’t tell what’s aggressive intent on his part or what’s just insecurity and sensitivity on my part. it really causes me stress :(

My family has never celebrated birthdays, so they are not a big deal to me. Holidays, on the other hand, do trigger a sense of betrayal or abandonment if friends/ family don't make the gesture to let you know they care.

The birthday one is really related to culture (but I don’t enjoy it at all 😭). As someone who lives somewhere we’re it’s very common tbh I feel it’s a weird tradition, it’s unhygienic and ruining good cake for the guests. When I turned 15 one of my friends faceplanted me to the cake so bad I got it up in my nose and messed up my hair I had straightened for the party ;( we are pretty good friends but sometimes this varies a lot between families and it makes some people super uncomfortable (especially if you are all pretty and with makeup for your bday)

The cake thing is definitely animosity , I had a “friend” from years ago tell me he was gonna do this exact same thing to me on my 21st … and he turned out to be super fake

I only run my tongue over my teeth when I think I have food stuck between them

I noticed how insecure my brother is because when I made a good shot in pool in front of his friends he felt the need to yell to everyone that i dont take criticism well. This was after he tried to tell me i dont put my hand on the table properly.

Your hair is so pretty.

Thank you for what you said about birthdays! I swear one of the biggest dumps of poison upon the internet was everyone equating caring about being remembered on your birthday to being a narcissist! Also…is it fucked up to have someone vaguely threaten to stop financially supporting you anytime you try to tell them they’ve hurt your feelings? >o>

My mom told me growing up that "why should u be celebrated today - you just came out - i gave birth to you - celebrate me." Technically she isn't wrong. But i don't particularly like the fact that im living so i dont see a reason to celebrate her either.

i just wanted to say as a 18 year old aspie girl that’s had psychology as my special interest since i was 11, and with a dad that has a psychology phd, that you’re extremely well spoken, intelligent, and informative ! i love your videos, you’re also so beautiful and glowing and have such a confident, positive aura!! the way you carry yourself makes your outer beauty even more gorgeous !

The birthday cake thing seems to be a "tradition" in some Mexican cultures (sometimes they faceplant the bday person onto the cake), and some people take it way too seriously. I wasn't a fan of it when dating one of my exes from Mexican descent (although when I asked the family not to do that to me, they obliged.. my ex was never so lucky). I know you did a whole video on cultural norms and all, some points I agreed with you on, some points I didn't. I think it's not uncommon to see people hiding their rudeness behind "this is my culture", just like a lot of people hide behind "it's just a joke".

Listen listen... It's about whether you are talking to someone you consider a person that's barely a friend or it is a friend you would consider family. Banter with people you call family can be viewed as cruel by a bystander

The tongue on teeth thing often happens with closed mouth. Even I sometimes do it when I’m annoyed, but from the outside all you’ll see is my jaw lowering and a weird sideways pucker of my lips. It’s like I’m biting my tongue to not react impulsively. I wouldn’t call it a warning sign, but a self-soothing gesture. Of course there’s a limit to self-soothing… I’d be worried if I saw a strong guy stretching their neck to release tension while looking pissed, for example.

A similar expression related to that advice on passive aggressive remarks that I love is telling people to "say it with your chest"

It’s a gut feeling in my stomach and I simply block them ✨ envy can be dangerous.

I don't care about celebrating my birthday but I completely understand that a lot of people love it. I don't think how you behave on someone's birthday is really indicative of that much. I think it's more about the 24/7 relationship, not any particular holiday or birthday. Having said that, it makes sense that some people would take it very personally for a friend to not celebrate them on their birthday and I think it's really important for all of us to make it clear to our friends if a certain day/event is particularly precious to us.

I truly understand my friends when they don't show on my birthday, when they have to prioritize their own plans, and even when we rarely talk.

For the birthday thing, I had a friend who would always miss others' birthdays, events, etc., or make an issue, but when it came to their birthday, they expected everyone to attend some big event, go all out, etc. And we did for a while, but eventually I got tired of the lack of reciprocity, the fact that I was putting in way more effort while when it came to my birthday (which I rarely made a big deal of because it was always downplayed my whole life) it was forgotten or something.

It's really funny that you've just posted this video. I'm having an issue in my current friendship group where my bestie and I have noticed a lot of animosity in the undertones of conversations with our friends and we're not sure how to address it

Guys let me know: ON my birthday, at my birthday party (threw myself a 28th birthday for the first time🥰) A very close friend made the joke, “you should watch euphoria! I feel like you’d relate so much to Cassie.” All I know is that Cassie is kind of the villain? Low self esteem, really boy crazy, betrayed her best friend? It’s well known im the single friend in the group, we’re all 28ish, everyone else is married and have never been single adults (e.g., met their husbands in high school). I mention that bc maybe they just don’t understand dating as an adult, so maybe it’s giving Cassie vibes?? Idk?? I still can’t tell if I’m just sensitive bc I did have a lot of anxiety/shame(?) about throwing myself a birthday party, like is that embarrassing? LOL Or if that was actually hidden animosity. Thoughts???

So true about the smile/laugh! Yesterday I watched 3 short interviews with bombardment victims (like they were interviewed right after it happened) in Ukraine and they all smiled/laughed. I found it so uncanny, but actually what you said explains it very well that they were probably in such a shock and trauma, it was their defense mechanism.

For real tho my friends don’t care when it’s my birthday. I’m lucky if I get a happy birthday from anybody. Over the years I’ve just developed a hatred for my birthday because nobody cares,I’m the only one that does. I buy myself gifts and dinner. Whenever I celebrate with my family, my mom and my stepdad is making it all about them. I seriously had my stepdad one year demand that my mom make a flan for me ,for my sister and for him.. she ended up having a breakdown on my birthday because of his demands, and I should preface this by saying that he had recently demanded a divorce from her. Long story short I end up crying on my birthday and making the flans by myself.

I love good banter w ppl that know boundaries

I love banter and I agree with like everything you said but one thing is that when dealing with someone who you have to regualrly interact with in a family or work setting, I will defned myself once and if they absolutely lose it and make a scence, from then on i will not defend myself. I employ the DEEP method that was created for natcissists (but someone doesn't have to be diagnozed witha personality disorder to act unhindged and self obsorbed) The DEEP method is: don’t defend, don’t engage, don’t explain, don’t personalize. Its not the same as ignoring or stone walling, it is a way of responding without engaging when someone "jokes" or outright insults you but you have to interact with them in the future or be around them for along time. I highly reccomend it! TLDR: Not defending yourself all the time can free up so much stress. Just do it once and let go.

The runs tongue across teeth might actually be a cultural specific thing to England, especially south east/London. I've seen 'roadmen'/ guys trying to be 'hard' do that when there pissed off. It can be a sign they're getting pissed off, or trying to pull a fast one, if the rest of their body language is giving off aggression signs. The explanation is nonsense, some guys do it subconsciously most likely as a stim. It put's me on edge when I see it even if they are being friendly. I'm going to look out for this more, and see if there's a patten to it.

I remember bantering a lot with my friends in middle school and high school, but now that I’m in university I feel like everyone’s walking on eggshells about anything, people take themselves way too seriously, even in close friend groups.

“They might secretly be a lion.” 😂

20:08 Happens to me sometimes, I call it laughing in empathy, If I have felt the same way or understand you I will laugh, it's not that I find your pain funny, I just understand and for some reason I laugh which is so awkward

I run my tongue across my teeth like that when in a state of severe rage, usually female rage. Trying to hold in my tears or feeling like i'm going to explode has me running my tongue over my top teeth beneath my lip

I just went though a friend breakup and I feel a weigh lifted off my shoulders. She was so toxic, and I was the one doing everything for her. Always there for her, I hand made stuff for her baby shower, wedding and birthdays. She just said “oh happy birthday..” each time. I new it wasn’t an equal friendship when I came over to her house to hangout for my birthday and she didn’t offer me anything. A drink, a snack nothing. Her birthday is New Year’s Eve so every year I threw her a BANGER got her favorite booze, foods and other shit. I’m on a fixed income too sooo

Great video! I love this format- it’s entertaining enough to watch you react to the tiktoks but the added insights & takeaways are super helpful. Thank you Dr Ana!

Hi Ana!! I just saw that you are now Dr. Ana, congrats!! I've been here since the beginning, thank you for sharing your genius with us!

hey Dr Ana! I normally watch and like but don't comment; I commented this time just to vocalize that I really enjoyed this style of video. I found it both informative (extremely) and entertaining. As always thanks for everything you do!

To add to this: I use comedy and maling fun of people a lot with my friends, and i know them well enough to know to know how they react and what they reqct negativity to. If someone is surprised about your reaction when they joke about something reqlly sensitive they either dont know you well or dont care to do (in my personal experience). Banter makes most of my friendships much better, because its a way of communicating some of the things you think in a very unserious and lighthearted way, and the other person gets to fire back or laugh about the jokes we make. I dont really wanna surrounded myself with people who cant take a joke or be mean to me in a playful way, it really makes me uncomfortable when people dont have the emotional understanding of what bantering means between two people..

as someone with my own impulse control difficulties humor is an interesting point of conflict sometimes 🤔 makes me think of how i've found and heard about that, potential animosity aside, when people have an inconsistency with their own sense of sensitivity to humor that's really a good point to drop it and show them sensitivity in return because when laughing it off doesn't seem like the faintest option anymore something could be really off for them? love the little glimpse into the bookshelf and love a critical take on picking apart microexpressions!

That birthday clip was beyond. I’m shook.

One time! A single time, a man ran his tongue across his teeth at me, however it was unequivocally a come on, not animosity. His eyes said I will take you places you never been before, but it made me want to barf. lmao

I think not showing up for a friend on their birthday is one thing, not even wishing your friend a happy birthday is another.

I stopped being the first one to message 2 of my friends. We celebrated both their birthdays and when it came to mine...they magically weren't available and never reached out to make a new date. They don't reach out and when I see them randomly, they say "WOW I was gonna hit you up"

Me spending time with my sister and our friends and she goes on to start to say “remember that time when we was kids..” then goes on to tell everyone in the room something very embarrassing for me and laugh at me. And I’d site there thinking. “Why would you say that? That hurt my feelings.” I hate it. I hate that now she an adult and says she’s just being honest or it’s just a joke. I hope one day they grow up.

Here's the thing, my friend gives me shit for not going to her birthday party knowing my sister has the same birthday as her, And im a "fake friend". You know at this point I dont even care anymore, say what you want about me, she's being like super needy.

This video makes me feel so not alone when it comes the situation with my sister: long story short she’s said a lot of passive aggressive things about me and my husband (at the time fiancé) and when I made a jab back at her once she said that me and him are “toxic” bc all we do is fight around her and she doesn’t want to be around it (which is not true any time I tell that story to anyone else we know they are so confused bc me and my husband don’t argue a lot). But she’s the one who’s made when I hold her to it and don’t come around her anymore.

Yeah I just ignore it, whenever I face any animosity. Anyways great job Ana. I'm rooting for you. Luv ya. ❤️

Hey Dr. Ana, loved the video as always. Can you make a video about if A.I. will ever replace therapists (psychologists)? I think it will be a pretty interesting topic, especially for people who want to work in psychology, but are anxious that A.I. will replace human therapist (and other psychology workers). For example: computerized CBT is proven to have the same effectiveness as CBT with a human therapist. Can A.I replace CBT therapist? Can they replace psychodynamic therapist? Is human connection really that important in therapy? Would love to hear your opinion about it, Dr. Ana. Thank you, and keep up the great work. (Also English is my second language, so sorry for the grammatic errors).

My birthday is the day after a big holiday. Logistically it is a exhausting to arrange a celebration because people are out of town or they have family in town. I have always been very understanding of that. But this also makes it so I don’t quite get it when people get so aggressive about their birthday celebrations

Lol Ms. Dr. Ana, I have been following, watching, & subscribed to you for YEARSSS. I love your content sooo much & usually I would just comment on the incredible information & insight that you give out to the KZfaq world, but today I will focus on your looks instead lol. I just wanted to say that while watching you, your beauty, essence, & aura reminds me of a 1950s Hollywood starlet, like Ms. Audrey Hepburn. Along with a mixture of a 2020s new age witchy witch. You have such a beautiful look. It’s so romantic yet, soft, down to earth, & a gentle nudge towards the right direction. I could see you in sooo many different Hollywood movies or musical groups. Your look gives a whole archetype.

Yes, Can you make a video about the imitating friend or parent? That one friend who watch your every move and copy you? and dive deeply why parents could show the same behavior? Is it jealousy or need for validation or obsession?

I took a look at the body language expert debunking video you recommended. I think the issue is that many public body language "experts" are making it up as they go. There are only a few cues and very limited associated feelings in the literature. You're right, most signs which "body language experts" swear are indicators of deception are simply indicators of nervousness. Body language analyses are almost never applicable to political speeches or staged events, anyway. Actually Paul Ekman's work is pretty funny because he probably coined the term "micro-expression" just because it sounds catchy, and it really has nothing to do with his actual research or teaching. A micro-expression is simply a regular expression that appears for an extremely brief period of time. I spent 40 hours learning Paul Ekman's work and recognizing micro-aggressions, but in real life actual micro-expressions are very rare. Expressions are usually plastered on people's faces. It IS useful to recognize certain expressions so that we know when we've insulted someone or made them uncomfortable, and it allows us to get away from someone before they're about to attack us.

Great video! Love your channel🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿 This whole topic reminds me of the concept of the "evil eye".

Ask David Goggins how he feels about Birthdays 😂

I run my tongue on my teeth all the time because im always scared of my teeth being dirty. Lmao

Not related to the video topic, but I love looking at people's books on their shelves... I LOVED Slewfoot by Brom and the Barnes & Noble collectable edition of A Treasury of Irish Fairy and Folk Tales. Fantastic taste.

The attitude of “it’s not such a big deal” when it comes to things like celebrating birthdays or couples celebrating valentines day really annoys me personally. Because I don’t think if you don’t care about of things it really matters, if you care about the person you’ll recognise it matters to them and support them

The body language one has a half truth. The tongue part is a little weird but lifting the lips (without smiling) enough to show the teeth can be a sign of disgust.

The only thing I want to add to the birthday cake, in Hispanic (specifically Mexican) culture, the birthday cake head push where the kid gets caked is somewhat a cultural tradition, and it's usually associated with buying 2 cakes, the one you eat and the cheap one you push the birthday person's face into. It's another aspect of cultural traditions making the situation different in how it's perceived.

the birthday thing is like when a religious person says that saying they will pray for someone cant be condesending...its like now they are dictating other peoples emotions. why would you assume animosity where there can be different values

I enjoy banter, but it’s gotta be after you’ve known someone for awhile.. or both of you understand what’s off limits and what isn’t. It all stems from a place of not wanting to hurt the other person.

I love that you recommend munecat's video, it is so well done. Great upload :)

On my birthday I had a “friend” who was telling my boyfriend and her boyfriend (who is my bf best friend) to leave so they could all go play valorant. When I say all I mean just them three and we were at my birthday party. But my bf made sure to stay and celebrate with me and my “friend” did ended up staying but she was crying on the corner with her bf. I did ended up having with the rest of my friends and stopped talking to this “friend” after my birthday.

Once a boy called me ugly and my friend laughed at the joke....are we still friends? Yes

I personally dont care if someone doesn't tell me happy birthday, I dont even care that today is my birthday, you shouldn't need a certain day in the year where you are happy with yourself, why not be happy with yourself all year long. Someone else’s words shouldn't affect your happiness. Plus, the world moves and people got stuff to do, no need to create a whole drama series just because someone didnt tell you 2 words.

2:10 not me realiziny birthday curse as a kid was probably just my mom again

@20:01 "They might secretly be a lion" Ana 😂😂😂

Ok, I'm a boomer ( on the cusp of Gen X. When I was in school, someone running their tongue across their teeth meant they were horny

I don’t have secret animosity. I have in your face, out on front street animosity.

Hey Ana, could you maybe make a video on envy? I find myself to often be the envier in situations as my life is not turning out to be how I want it to. Not a justification btw. I don’t like it about myself and I hate myself for it. What can one do? Thank you

9:09 This is a Latino thing, we always dunk the birthday boy’s/girl’s face into their cake and if we don’t want to ruin the cake we just smear so of it on their face. I don’t know these people so I don’t know if that lady was genuinely spiteful but it is a very common tradition amongst Latinos

the cake video, is a mexican tradition they're yelling "mordida" which means "bite" in spanish, normally people smash the birthday person's face into the cake, which a lot of people dont really love, but when its your birthday you kind of know that's what's gonna happen. i don't think that small video is enough to know if there's animosity, some people just get way too excited about the tradition and go over the top

I think my family member was being like that. She hadn’t seen me in a long time and when she did, she said “Oh, you’re still skinny.”

I had a boss who did the “runs tongue across teeth” at another employee. The boss fired him a few weeks after.

40th birthday was awful because of the ex narchole. 😢💜

It doesn't make you a narcissist to point out and notice the way that repeated subtle neglect adds up. My ex decided to move to the other side of the country on my birthday. I was upset, but he refused to change the date. After many years, I ended that relationship shortly after. One sign of many that I wasn't a priority.

Imma be honest I'm not with all that... Miss me with the punching bag piñata BS. If you cross me, you're an opp at that point on and i don't even need to discuss it with everybody. Especially if you're giving dangerous then I'm giving danger energy right back.

Saying "sounds like you have a crush" is not necessarily "banter" it cpuld be deeply hurtful, so may e yiu didnt lnow that person well enough to poke them with a stick over somethung like love amd attraction, relationships , etc

When i feel physicaly treathened my jaw gets hard and while trying to calm myself i move my tonge trough my teeth since y cant move it anywhere else, of courae it doesnt happend

12:24 I do this all the time omg I am a crazy cat lady (I do it to clean my teeth and feel for gunk usually but I do it when I'm irritated)

2:55 I think it’s fine to attack your friends character sometimes. A lot of my friends ended up furries and well go look at furr affinity. They don’t understand why I don’t like kids at furry conventions. Or what was it called Furrfest with the diaper orgy?

I know this isn’t everyone and everyone is different and it doesn’t mean that if someone does not do it they are not abusive but I was abused by someone my entire childhood and the face with the teeth being licked was the face they made when they’d beat me and just a face to do to me for no reason which makes me angry, so it was triggering for me. Although it’s not everyone’s experience that face brought horrible memories back that I couldn’t even look at the screen when he demonstrated it again.

I’m sensitive to bantering, not on the social cues that other people are with them 😢

18:49 i do somehow smile when people tell bad things i really am feeling bad but somehow my expressions are opposite i was searching why this is happening

banter? fun. but i know someone who keeps countering what I say negatively. it looks light-hearted but ugh....

Great breakdown!

I think people need a re-education as to what a “friend” is. I feel like most people are unaware but think themselves knowledgeable…. Most of you are actually friendless.

Can you please make a separate video how to deal with passive agression?

the idk they might secretly be a lion KILLED me

I don't see a problem with using micro expressions as a starting filter for focusing on understanding others intensions.

Dogs, wolves and humans all have the same thing in common right before that they attack you they will lick their teeth.

What if I’m a teenager and my parents happen to take me on holiday every time this friends has a birthday?