Not only was I taught that sex had the power to make me whole or broken I was also taught that if I ever had sex with person outside of marriage that person would no longer love or respect me that I could no longer be a person worth marrying because my only value was gone and it made me incredibly insecure about relationships and instead of enjoying the time I had with people I was constantly thinking of what I meant to someone else

When Trauma Talk drops a new episode....chefs kiss

I grew up in purity culture and planned on waiting to have sex until marriage. Then, when I was about to turn 18, I was raped. It was so insidious because I didn't even realize for years that it was rape. I thought it was the whole "drunken mistake" thing portrayed in TV shows. I was either unintentionally blackout drunk (super lightweight & my first time drinking) or drugged. I had no idea that's not actually consent, so I felt ashamed and broken. I basically just quit caring and unfortunately wound up being raped more times by someone else because I was naive, trusting, and sheltered. My entire relationship with sex for years was horrible because it was always something I ended up doing even though I didn't really want to. I'm finally starting to dismantle and process those feelings after 12 years. It still makes me so sad that my choices were taken away from me.

Wow I truly needed this . I recently got divorced and I stayed with my abusive husband for years because I didn’t want to fail God and I now realize that I only stayed with him because he was my first sexual partner and I was told by many church leaders that God saw us as one already and that the next step was marriage .

Purity culture has almost destroyed me. Keyword almost. But the amount of severe anxiety and shame it has created in me is so deep I cannot even put it into words.

This. I was assaulted by at least one person at 13. I’m not sure what was done to me because I didn’t tell anyone and I had what I now suspect was a head injury (I never even told a doctor or family). I asked during one of the many ‘girls should only want sex when they’re married, only to please their husband’ talks, ‘what if you were raped?’ I got the most confusing message possible. It was not viewed as the same as wanting sex, but ‘a woman who went through that’ held half the responsibility because either 1) ‘she could have always done more to stop it’ or 2) she subconsciously wanted it to happen but wanted the poor, innocent man to be viewed as ‘the bad guy’ because ‘the world’s culture never blames women for anything, and women know this.’ They went on to say that a woman who was raped had a right to try to find a husband, but no room to complain if he rejected her for being impure. So I never told anyone. There was more, like my mom’s penchant for over-sharing, which seemed to be common with women in that world. They will share every detail of their children’s life like nobody under 18 needs privacy or control over who k owe their life story. I sure as shit didn’t want it getting around that I was impure. I was 13 and didn’t even know if I wanted to get married. I stopped even getting crushes for a few years after because I was terrified of what else might happen. I was applauded for not wanting anything to do with boys (or girls, but nobody knew that about me, either). My trauma response was their goal for middle and high school girls. I ended up in public school and out of that world a few years later and healed as much as I could for someone that age, with those scars. But I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t still affect me to this day.

"In purity culture, we were taught that sex did make us whole or broken. Sex had an irreversible stamp on our souls." Wow, what a great way to articulate it! That's exactly how it felt growing up. And I love Sex Education! Thanks for the reminder of that beautiful quote :)

Don’t spill that coffee 😱😱😱

I can relate to this. At age 49 & married, I still have issues with it. My mom & stepdad were part of Christian based cults that pushed purity culture, guilt & that sex was bad.

Being 27 and never had been in a relationship all of this is alien to me that and not growing up in a religious household

I just found this video, I know it’s 2 years old but I feel seen, validated, and comforted. Thank you.

This subject is so interesting to me. It definately does not make you a bad person ir broken or anything. We are human beings. All humans are different and whatever you do or dont do should be your decision and you should not be made to feel bad about it. Its difficult to talk about but i went the totally opposite way. I used it to feel better about myself and believed for a very long time that it was all i was good for. But i now have realised that im deserving of actual love. Sorry if its off topic but just wanted to share a different side. Hope thats ok.

I grew up in the LDS Faith. Similar to purity culture. I lives a celibate life until i marries at 34. Now 38 and still "reprogramming" the beleif systems ingrained in me from an early age, not necessarily doctrinal but rather cultural norms. You are not alone.

The quote you shared has kicked off my journey of healing. Thank you for this entire video.

I wish more people would speak out about trauma from growing up in a hypersexualized/hypersexual society. That's the type of thing I grew up with. I was recently chatting with friends about how everything around us is so pornified and sex positivity culture is so coercive and forceful that we don't feel comfortable to be ourselves anymore. This genuinely ruined my life. I've never been religious, nor have I grown up with a religious family.

This is SO GOOD! I’ve never heard it worded like this and it’s so beautiful! Also, your channel is the first place I heard the term “purity culture” and it rocked my world. I researched it endlessly as I found words to describe the messages I received as a kid. I cherish so many people I grew up with but there were many hurtful messages that, combined with my own traumatic childhood, caused some real hurt and confusion. In addition to the obvious struggles with sexuality, I was able to look back and see how pieces of it also contributed to a 10 year battle with an eating disorder. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your journey.

Thank you for looking into the camera and saying you are not broken. I burst into tears when you said that. Clearly, I have some soul searching to do.

Such a great video and I relate to absolutely all of it, thank you for the reminder that it is not just me! I've watched Sex Education and I have also cried every time I saw that scene, I'm so so grateful that they included it. :)

Your always beautiful jo purity culture is so damning and damaging those toxic oudated teachings have no place in modern society love you jo awesome and inpatient video

Aaaaah, you referenced "Sex Education"!!! Hilarious, educational for those that need it, and heartwarming.

Thank you! thank you! thank you! I really needed this.

Jo I would LOVE to hear you do a TedTalk because I love these videos!!

I love how you talk about this topic. Thank you!!!

so powerful "sex doesnt make you whole so it cant make you broken "

Needed this today ❤ thank you Jo💕

love the video content Jo

💜

I'm glad I don't feel alone in dealing with these scars. I know this might sound disorienting, throughout my teens I had almost no contact with the opposite sex because I went to a religious MALE-ONLY school. That and a few other drawbacks kind of screwed me up. And that's the short version.🤣

My mom tells me that your worth is solely determined by your character.

In the new movie cabrina she is a virgin her whole life but yet she lives a very happy life. The movie is based on a true story. ✝️📿 I don't have sex outside of marriage but I do like platonic touch alot.I wish i knew more christians and people of other religions that liked platonic touch as much i do.😢 Platonic touch is missing so much from American culture that I may have to end up eventually buying a mannequin that has very realistic flesh or wearing a shirt that says free hugs.

not me losing my mind when jo referenced sex education smiles in asexual

as a guy, i wouldnt expect a straight guy to want to have sex with me. i also wouldnt expect an asexual person to want to have sex with me. i dont see any reason to have a problem with it either way.

Hello idol☺️

I think, after watching many of these kinds of videos, is that the main problem with the so-called “purity culture” of the 90s was the complete lack of any mention of God’s grace for the fallen. That is the problem with anything “legalistic”: the discussion inevitably revolves around the obligations and duties of a “good” Christian, without any discussion of grace or mercy for those who are struggling (and we all are struggling, as there is no one who is without sin, and we all therefore need grace). That’s where the toxic shame comes from. Simply discussing law without a balanced discussion of the concept of grace is NOT the gospel, and is therefore not a Christian message. “Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” ~Hebrews 4:16 (NKJV)

Darlin little sister..was broken At three When they stole from me My innocence No justice No recompense Still..I'll walk on. My ancestors went through worse. Been celibate for thirty years.. I'm truly happier. For each of us the choice is to learn from our abusers mistakes. I survived. My sister and brother didn't I'm grateful to be alive. I just no longer believe in sex outside of a committed relationship. Thankfully I'm way past caring At 64..I'm free of the invasive desires of others.

I’m watching this and am not sure if she is a Christian. If she is I hope that’s concerning to her.

I'm a child of the so-called "purity culture," and I'm now happily married (celebrating 12 years this month) with a great sex life and three children. I'm so glad my wife and I waited until marriage. I'm seriously confused as to what everyone's upset about. Can someone succinctly explain to me what I'm missing: 1. What do you think purity culture actually taught (no straw-manning or mischaracterizations please)? Free free to provide some quotations from books or speakers. 2. What do you find objectively incorrect, misguided, immoral, or wrong about those teachings (and please give me more than just "I don't like rules about sex."

Bad advice for young Christian women. Sexual activity absolutely matters. There are beautiful stories of women being redeemed from sexual sin. Notice, though, how sexual immorality plays especially hard on men in the Bible (king David’s sin). Do not give in to “modern” culture. Women are the keepers of the gait of sexual immorality. Purity is the goal. Abstain and focus on Jesus for redemption.

Sorry but most men don't want a woman that was the town bicycle . And yes it's important to not bang everything