Relationships After Trauma: How to Support Your Partner

Рет қаралды 51,092

5 жыл бұрын

Trying to navigate relationships after trauma can be a challenge for both partners - and there is little support for those who are on the supporting side. In this video, I discuss principles and ideas on how best to help and support your traumatized or struggling partner while still taking care of yourself.
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Trauma Talk exists to let you know that you are not alone - and you are not weird. This channel is a community for exploration and discussion of life in the aftermath of trauma, be it sexual assault, domestic violence, emotional/mental/spiritual abuse, natural disasters, combat, or any other type of trauma. You are welcome here - and you're never alone.
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I am not a therapist but am simply speaking from my experiences as a survivor and someone who has lived with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Please seek professional help if you are concerned for your mental or physical wellness or safety.

Пікірлер: 163

@meganfrench6025 3 жыл бұрын

This is so good. The unintentional triggers are the hardest part for me. It always feels like my fault even though it isn’t.

@karenluebke1605 3 жыл бұрын

Same here. And I always feel very blind sided and hurt because I’m being accused of something I didn’t do.

@lisamoag6548 10 ай бұрын

unfortunately some think it is a character flaw not a consequence of unprovoked life threatening abuse not the inoccent and vulnerable some are kind have good compassion and communicate calmly to assist you to ground by noting quickly that individual is becoming distressed my husband " Breathe" " you are ok" " relax you are safe" look at face eyes soothing low voice move slowly Thank you use cue to pause and be aware that is a safe and you are loved. Good paitient calm strong Wonderful Husband. yes need to develop independance and practice skills every day fresh start little by little allow space maintian boundries negotiate and resolve any misunderstanding. Love one another.

@LeeroyMotcher-Sanga 6 ай бұрын

I’m not sure if you’ll see this ma’am. But it’s a trigger warning, my girlfriend was assaulted violently 4 weeks ago. But currently we’re facing a pregnancy scare due to a late reporting. We’re both in our early 20s and live with our parents. Parents don’t know so we’re going through this alone. Any help would be appreciated ♥️

@L0veisl1ght 5 ай бұрын

That emotional response is so... interesting because I work really hard on always being aware of my emotions and being my most authentic self. And so when these emotional trauma triggers come up and I'm being emotional (and cannot just "stop crying/shaking" or whatever), it DOES make me feel bad. But we should appreciate our bodies response to these things that trigger us. They saved us before.. and we cannot blame them for still being there.

@ribby109 3 жыл бұрын

I rewatch this video every few weeks because my partner has been traumatized and I want to be the best partner I can be for our relationship. This video really helps me get clarity and hope every time I watch it. Thank you ❤️

@monsta2311 2 жыл бұрын

I'm in the same situation....I always feel like I'm not sayin the right things or nervous I'm gonna say something wrong n make it worse

@AdventureMan07 2 жыл бұрын

Yeah I’m going through this…. It’s both challenging to see your loved one in pain and like cope with the feeling of helplessness. It’s haunting.. and so frustrating. Just don’t take any hurt you feel out on the victim. Seems like common sense, but still needs to be said,

@Lauren-bg9eb 4 жыл бұрын

my boyfriend just told me yesterday that he hates the holidays and when i tried to ask him why, he started to cry and hyperventilate. He told me he didnt know why and this hurt me because I love the holidays. This video really helped me gain some savings to learn though so thank you❤

@carolinadelgado2897 4 жыл бұрын

My partner had an extremely abusive partner and has wounds, almost like PTSD. I want to help him and support him the best I can. Not fix him. I want to understand him the best I can.

@elostio 3 жыл бұрын

look for dr. ramanis videos it might be narcissistic abuse PTSD or CPTSD is a good starting point, god speed to you.

@LISLOVESTRUTH 2 жыл бұрын

This was really good. The hard part of dealing with a traumatized individual is that sometimes it FEELS one sided. Many times it feels like there's only space for the traumatized persons issues and emotions, which in itself is traumatic to the partner. The patience required cannot be overstated

@mikeyd6597 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for giving me MORE RESOLVE AND STRENGTH! I love you! I Love ALL OF YOU MY WORLD FAMILY!!! ❤❤💯☯️♾️☮️

@georget.6357 4 жыл бұрын

As a PTSD survivor I just want to have someone I trust to actively listen to me; a little compassion and empathy goes a long way. Remember to ask questions and check in on how we are really doing. For traumatized people like me it's important to be in a safe place with safe people; if we feel safe we can relax and not be triggered. Once that happens we can attempt to open up to more conversation, play or intimacy. A lot of us have a very hard time expressing ourselves and our emotions (Aphasia is the medical term for difficulty with language). Be patient with us, as we struggle to understand ourselves. I was a very active, well educated, successful, fun loving guy and now with trauma I can't focus on one thing, remember what I'm supposed to be doing, remember words, spelling, or even how to know what emotions I feel. It's like I now live underwater; my thoughts, words, feelings and mind all feel covered up in some kind of heavy slow moving goop. I know its weird but it's hard to explain to others. Remember: Safety, Active Listening, and Patience. So glad to find other people talking about this terrible insidious disease. Peace be with you.

@gormhanssen2130 3 жыл бұрын

❤️

@gigantsquid 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for explaining

@florianberends 8 ай бұрын

Hope you're doing allright after 3 years, I needed this

@mr_brickman_games 4 жыл бұрын

This really helps me and what's I've been looking for. My girlfriend is a survivor and this is an excellent resource!

@zachwiseman9635 4 жыл бұрын

Same. She’s explained it so so so much and yet sometimes it’s so hard to understand as someone that hasn’t experienced those things. And that sucks not being able to understand

@justindobner1823 25 күн бұрын

I dated someone who had gone through trauma. I, myself, have experienced a handful of traumatic, life-changing situations. I feel more secure in those areas now, having worked through them and becoming better for it. However, she was still reliving her trauma. You make very valid points. I wasn't addressing them well. Throughout our time together, I felt like I was constantly tending to her anxiety and unhappiness. No matter what I did or said, it felt like nothing could help her-it was all on her. I tried to compromise and discuss things with her, but whenever I brought something up, she would have a traumatic flashback and an emotional response. I expressed that I wanted to work with her and hoped she would reciprocate. Unfortunately, nothing could be discussed, and that was it. I was then attacked by her for even bringing it up. I just wished she had said anything else but that. I don't feel great about my wording, but my good intentions were there, and I tried to verbalize them.

@karenluebke1605 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I am currently dating a beautiful man who was very very abused growing up. Because of this, I am only the fourth woman he has been romantically involved with (because he guards himself) and the other 3 all cheated and left him for someone else. I do consider myself a patient, kind, faithful woman, but I keep doing what I call “stepping on landmines”. I will say something that to me is funny or means nothing, and it sets him off! He feels I don’t want him, or I said some horrible thing that shows I don’t want him, and I feel completely blind sided. It’s very hurtful! He does love deeply, and is very open about the things that have happened to him. This is probably the hardest part of our relationship.

@jeffreysherman8224 5 жыл бұрын

You are so trauma-informed. ❤ Understanding... Understanding is what we need the most. A listening ear and a receptive heart are the most healing things we could receive.

@chloethemessenger 3 жыл бұрын

Yesssss

@rynovoski Күн бұрын

Thank you for making this video. I’m not now in a relationship with someone who was traumatized, but I was at the height of the pandemic, which is when she had recently started pretty intense trauma therapy. We lived in a small apartment during a pandemic and she needed space and they just wasn’t any. At any rate, the hardest part for me was having abuse projected on me. She would apologize, and she would explain and we would talk, and I understood everything that she’s been going through, but it is really painful to have someone you love deeply look at you, even briefly, as the one that did them all that harm. Years later, I still haven’t recovered from that.

@RadioJunkie04 4 жыл бұрын

This is so spot on, Jo. My wife was diagnosed with PTSD about a year ago having dealt with a number of traumas since the age of 7. I have complex PTSD myself and sometimes our traumas get together and have the worst, most uncomfortable and embarrassing party ever. Remembering the sorts of things you’ve mentioned here is a hugely important part of our marriage. And I’d especially second your point about having someone to talk to when you are in a relationship with a traumatised person and I’d add that sometimes talking to a counsellor or therapist together has been helpful for us, too.

@Wooooooooot 2 жыл бұрын

I triggered my girlfriend of 3 years for the first time (I knew of her trauma as she told me we were besties before dating) on accident and never felt more crappy. Listening and hearing to this video has helped me. I know she represses everything as that was her way to “cope” but sometimes it’s really hard. I finally took some time to do even more research instead of articles and readings and this video was really helpful. Thank you.

@sadiricapilos7582 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for your helpful insight. I’m trying to support a friend and it’s been a struggle some days but I’m patient enough to know when she needs space or a shoulder to lean on. I don’t care if she repeats herself 1000 times as long as she’s HEALING.

@herethereandeverywhere02 2 жыл бұрын

I am currently dating a girl with PTSD. We've been going out for a year. And I gotta say intimacy has been the greatest challenge we've faced. It's been almost impossible to get intimate, and I've been as empathetic, patient and caring as I can be. I'm a naturally assertive person, and I am the type of partner who embraces open clear communication, yet she refuses to open up and turns to this avoidant behaviour. She can even take my advances and desire as pressure on her and that's the last thing I want. I'm out of resources, not because I think physical intimacy is all that I want nor the only thing I want from a relationship (although it is important, yes), but because emotional intimacy solidifies the bond between partners. And I love her but at times I don't know what to do anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say is: How does one manage to get pass the PTSD barriers in order to lovingly initiate intimacy and grow from it? Would appreciate the insight :)

@beatrizbr9613 2 жыл бұрын

This is something you might have tried already. For people with PTSD it is very important to feel safe. I would suggest: show empathy (i would love it if we... But I appreciate it must be really difficult for you...), offer help (is there anything I could do to make things easier?) + ask for permission (would it be OK if I did this? ) + check in regularly (does this feel good for you?)

@ogheneminesmart8680 Жыл бұрын

same place im in, my best advice is to just be their friend, and move on

@flohgraz 8 ай бұрын

In my case sometimes just expressing or asking is too much, same question from me.

@georgecarrera18 5 жыл бұрын

Just hearing this made me cry haven't been diagnosed with PTSD. During my relationship last November saw a dead body it honestly broke me cause I wanted to join the military so I stayed as shelter off and pushed my trauma down till I couldn't . I finally gave in said I didn't wanna go and I wanted my relationship I tried to be a good boyfriend my relationship struggled I blamed myself cause I wasn't strong enough to hold on and blamed we fell apart it's been rough she did try to help I just didn't wanna say I needed help till I realized by having a convo with her family ect I was showing alot signs of trauma ect nowadays been hard to believe it or hard to say bye like I do love her personally didn't know how to live it was rough had many long nights since then always feel like I'm in prison

@nicholasbrassard3512 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this. My girlfriend of 5mths has a history of abusive relationships and I'm interested in learning how to help and navigate our relationship. It's not easy dealing with the triggers or forcing myself to go slowly to give her the space she needs, but she's amazing

@writingmelody 5 жыл бұрын

I’m gonna have my boyfriend watch this tonight. I feel like I’ve expressed this to him before, but maybe you’ve said things I haven’t and I want him to be okay. Thank you, Jo!

@theaveragej.o.e.1998 4 жыл бұрын

I just started a relationship with someone whose been a victim of sexual abuse. Its been going good and I know there will be difficult times ahead as she has shared with me a lot and ive just been there to listen. I will say I do feel like I dont know when to initiate stuff. Like im almost scared of being rejected. Which I feel will happen at times and i know its not my fault. It be nice to hear a mans point of view on how they dealt with these things. Cuz i genuinely love this person and I wanna just be there for her, but at the same time id love a mans point of view in dealing with it and some helpful tips.

@TraumaTalk 4 жыл бұрын

Hi Jason! Its so amazing to hear how much you care for your person, are listening, and want to be there. That fear of initiation and rejection I really do understand - that's a conversation my husband and I have had many times. It took us a *long* time to work through it, figure out a balance, and above all, communicate. I know there were many times where I wasn't in the headspace to engage physically or be intimate, and it was NOT rejecting him, it was 100% my trauma and my mental health. But when you turn someone away, to them, its really hard not to feel like rejection... If there's anything I can say, I'd say keep listening, keep communicating, and let them know where you are, too. If you feel rejected, maybe bring it up and ask if they can tell you if it's about you, or something else (which I'm guessing is more often the case). It sounds like you guys are off to a great start. 💜

@theaveragej.o.e.1998 4 жыл бұрын

@@TraumaTalk thank you so much for responding. Ive sent her your videos and she felt so validated and encouraged by you. I can't wait to tell her you responded. I was also wondering if you knew of any men who have a blog about being with a woman such i am amd with yourself. I will tale your advise and keep on being there for this amazing woman.

@nazreennajeeb4417 3 жыл бұрын

m.kzfaq.info/get/bejne/d5Z8g5ty38CyZqc.html

@clare1971 5 жыл бұрын

Still following all your videos and loving the message. Would your husband ever consider being on a video to discuss his feelings about marrying someone after major trauma ? If not I completely understand that and perhaps he may answer listeners questions instead for you to read out his answers? I feel it would really add another dimension and perspective

@samuelkitterman2318 4 жыл бұрын

This is so helpful. My girlfriend and I just moved in together, and we have been having those discussions that feel like the uphill battles you referred to. She means so much to me. Listen. Listen. Listen... I need to listen more and be more patient. Thank you!

@VB-of2jz 3 жыл бұрын

I am mourning a breakup with a partner who experienced a lot of trauma. I felt tempted often to “be the hero” and drop everything in my own life when they were in need-and of course that quickly became a problem, and when I tried to keep boundaries (i.e. “I absolutely want to talk to you about this, but I can only talk for 15 minutes right now because I have work”), they often heard it as a rejection (i.e. “she doesn’t really care or want to hear about what’s going on for me.”) I did care; I just couldn’t sustain dropping everything as often as I was being asked to-i.e. in the example I mentioned, I’m happy to blow off work at times, with a sense that “this is more important,” but I can’t do it every week or multiple times a week. I never figured out how to get them to hear that it *wasnt* that I didn’t care, but that I needed to maintain the other things that were important to me or I would lose myself.

@jenzelmhardejesus7018 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you so muchfor this information, I really needed this. It's been quite hard for me to accept the trauma that my partner went though, but like you said talking and listening is key and i have been doing that now, it's not easy but it's alright as Im doing this for the good of our relationship.

@username25o9 3 жыл бұрын

I found this very helpful, my wife of 12 years had a very bad childhood. And in the beginning of our relationship I messed up big time with her, when she told me about her past I tried to separate her from her family. I didn't want her to see her aunt who's husband was a monster, or her cousins who was adults at the time she was a kid. I knew they all knew what was going on for years and did nothing so I instantly hated them all. And when she would still go there it would start fights cuz I didn't understand why she would still want to see them. She back peddled and told me she over exaggerated what had happened it wasn't anything like that and I started to believe her. It wasn't until 4 months ago when her uncle died that she admitted it was the truth and she started sobbing I felt so bad and feel so bad that she had to lie to me cuz instead of listening a d just being there I tried to fix it. I can't imagine how she must have felt having to keep that a secret from me and deal with it herself. Now I'm just trying to be the best support she can have and just listen and not try to find solutions. It's really hard though cuz I wanna confront her aunt and cousins and ask them how could they just do nothing it makes me so mad I'm mad it happen to her I'm mad he is dead now cuz I want to kill him but I am doing my best to just listen.

@TraumaChaplain 3 жыл бұрын

I need to hear this a hundred times. after 20 years of the same patterns repeated and little healing I'm told that it's selfish for me to express my own personal needs with my traumatized partner thinks it's a comparison. And when I'm told that itself is to try to take care of myself because that means I'm choosing not to take care of her, that's very frustrating. So thank you and thank you for being transparent enough to post these videos about your own struggles.

@honor2798 5 жыл бұрын

This is a great video for those who support people who have been through/going through trauma, thank you Jo

@beck3498 5 жыл бұрын

I always appreciate your videos, they’re so gentle and informing to both people who have been through trauma and also others who are trying to understand. Thank you for putting these videos out❤️

@sethbrown7275 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for these videos! These are helping me so much understand a girl who I really like who had some trauma and then PTSD. This has really helped open my eyes on how I can be a better freind to her while she’s healing. Thank you again! Helped me understand a lot on what my freind is going through.

@welshnathanwales 4 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for this, the triggers can be hard for me at times, not the physical triggers but more so the emotional triggers, like combativeness towards something I've said or questions about what I have said like "What do you mean by that?" as if I being cryptic when I am not. I am glad tho that I have already been doing a lot of the supportive things you have mentioned, I always press the importance of communication and I don't try to rush things, I think that has helped a lot, and I definitely have learned some things from this video tho, thanks again.

@austinr90 4 жыл бұрын

Hi, I just subscribed and will be checking back periodically. This video hit a lot of key points and touched on issues that I'm newly and currently dealing with in my relationship with someone that suffers from ptsd. I feel like I'm so lost and ignorant about this disorder but videos like this are helping. Thank you so much!

@94seanster 3 жыл бұрын

I can't describe how helpful this is. Thank you so much!

@meandmylilmonkey 3 жыл бұрын

We needed these videos. Thank you. ❤️

@chloethemessenger 3 жыл бұрын

Loved it!!💜

@outlndsh 4 жыл бұрын

Wow thank you for this!!

@DOOMbyach 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this video

@laurafuentes4536 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this❤️

@zenvibesonly7728 4 жыл бұрын

This video was so informative, and I've learned a lot of helpful information! Thank you! I'm really glad there is content for me to research.

@ChefRangerGaming 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much. An old friend that I have feelings for to the roof has PTSD from in and out of the military. I've been looking for ways to support her. And BINGO! I have found this one guys who mentioned you. I just finished up one of your video which has alot of answer I've been looking for the both of us. Thank you for the advice on trying to support this Amazing beautiful kind heart girl I know. I will subscribe and like your videos to show my support. Again thank you so much!

@waxxxdripdrop2736 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!! This helps so much!

@garethfarrell8146 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video, I needed this direly.

@LukeB83 4 жыл бұрын

This is so good. Thank you.

@Xxtayce 2 жыл бұрын

Subscribed. Thank you. I needed this tonight.

@jaderamirez6994 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much !😍 You had described everything about me. You are not alone and I am not alone.

@Eliani.Miranda 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this video. I shared it with my boyfriend and it was very insightful and helpful 🙏🏼

@muteqx 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for making this video. Very helpful insights!

@toddsexauer5532 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for making this video. Its helping tremendously!!!

@ajbassman67 Жыл бұрын

Thank You for this! I have been struggling to support someone that I Love Deeply and suffers the same way. Your words are helping me to understand and navigate with her ❤️

@yashraisinghani6241 3 жыл бұрын

can't thankyou enough for making this

@faithgaspare9158 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you, I hope this helps my family and friends and especially my boyfriend.

@davidfoxguitar 3 жыл бұрын

9 years in arelaship with a survivor. Still learning the importance of learning how to comumicate and be there for her the RIGHT WAY. Thank you for sharing your knowlegde.

@ethanhuegerich4499 3 жыл бұрын

This helped so much. Thank you

@NegativeExponents-170 Жыл бұрын

This really helped me after getting reacquainted with someone who I've been friends with for over twenty plus years and I was lost without anyone to ask for advice. For example, I'm watching trying to remember something you said. I just didn't realize what those triggers were and it helped open up the lines of communication with her. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences tovhelp so many.

@lucaswillaert2927 2 жыл бұрын

You are amazing❤️ this made me feel better

@Blovee3 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this.

@xxgil2 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you. It is hard to be supportive and this so called rejection hurts and I feel like part of the problem. It is verytrue that you have to take care of yourself In order to take care of others.

@geoffreymccarthy250 3 жыл бұрын

Wow this is just what I am looking for. Great video and subscribed straight away. Looking for lots of advice on this subject.

@Theheavenlyrose-ig4jg Жыл бұрын

This helped a lot I’ve taken your advice and told them that if they ever need someone to talk to or anything about what they’ve been through I’ll be there and listen thankyou very much for the advice I’m doing whatever I can to help them while still taking care of myself You e earned yourself a subscribe 😊

@thomashumpage1396 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so so so much regarding this. Your advise for how to help my partner is worth more than anything to me

@npwarr2651 2 ай бұрын

This was great thank you!

@karlieeverett 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you. Just thank you.

@MichaelABruce-ew8zs 3 жыл бұрын

Oh my God thank you thank you thank you so much I'm tearing up. I've been so confused since last September about what was really going on with the person I love. Throughout the months she has opened up more and more and more helping me understand her better. Was I confused yes but the more I got to know her the more it set in on what was really really going on and I started putting it together. Thank you so much

@sistabrowneyes1213 10 ай бұрын

OMG!!! Thank you for making this video!!!!! You said just what I’ve been saying: I just need them to listen! I just want to be seen and heard!! I want to be reassured that everything is okay! That’s it! I’m so glad I found a place where someone understands what I’m talking about.

@gauravkhonde4009 Жыл бұрын

I'm glad I came across your video.... I have been unaware of the signs of PTSD. I have been failing to understand whats wrong with my partner. I understand these ptsd signs now and feel stupid of myself for not understanding it when she said its hard for me to take decision and wanted to push everything away. I think your video does help to know how it should be handled with patience, support, care, love.

@complexnumbers0196 3 жыл бұрын

Great advice. Thank you so much.

@ginngucci Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing this with me.

@daveinnes 3 жыл бұрын

Very helpful insight, thank-you.

@nfldburg 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the video it has been a tremendous help. I just entered a relationship with a woman who has CPTSD and for the first couple months i thought that it was all my fault when she have an episode, or what ever the clinical term is, and i want to make it go away and make everything better. Thanks to your video i realize it isn't my fault and i can't make this better. I just need to be there for her and do what i have been doing all along, and that is listen and when she says something i need to be receptive to the idea. Thanks again :)

@deanlink1556 11 ай бұрын

I have had emotional trauma from an ex partner. I have been on my own for 4 yrs. I was never looking for a relationship but I ended up developing feelings for my friend over 2 years only she was unavailable. I know the feelings were reciprocated now as time has moved on and her circumstances have changed. I find myself feeling these feelings you speak of. Over whelming anxiety. Certain triggers. It’s like I’m waiting for her to leave me. I love this woman with all my heart and I have made the first steps to get some counselling today. My behaviours are surfacing because I’m with someone that makes me feel vulnerable. She deserves the very best of me and right now she isn’t in the sense I need to change my mind set and like you disassociate her from past trauma. Your video has been very insightful and also gives me some hope to come out the other side.

@kataimb9142 3 жыл бұрын

It’s so important to listen!!! 💔

@soj_afk Жыл бұрын

This is really helpful as I was doing the opposite of what I was meant to do. I just assumed. I really regret not doing research on this. I've really messed up a lot.

@dripsaint_jtb7 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! God bless your soul.

@mexi999bean4 2 жыл бұрын

This video is amazing thank you now I can understand 🙏❤️

@ninonbrth1466 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you this was very helpful

@tej1971 Жыл бұрын

This is super helpful l!!!! I caused trauma in my marriage and my husband had previous trauma before he met me . We’ve been struggling to get through this for the last couple years. I’ve just want to fix the damage and help him and I keep messing it up because I’m never sure what to say! This has helped me a lot I’m going to work more on listening, being patient and not putting a time line in HIS healing. I have a lot of guilt for hurting him/us like I have and want so desperately for us to get through this together. I’ve thought I’m the one who has to heal him since I was a contributor to his pain (I’ve been hurt too as it does take two) this is so great I appreciate you so much for sharing.

@tiacruise19 3 жыл бұрын

Super helpful especially the end not losing yourself in the first place 😉

@jaderamirez6994 3 жыл бұрын

My tears won’t stop

@jordansneadd4576 3 жыл бұрын

thank you for this

@philima 2 жыл бұрын

Great Video!

@jaymarie3345 2 жыл бұрын

You’re example is exactly what I have experienced !.!.

@knoxrocksyou 2 жыл бұрын

This is brilliant

@akmagee Жыл бұрын

This gets further complicated when you both have cptsd. I'm just (as of this morning) out of a very toxic relationship wherein our traumas kept the other constantly on their feet. It was exhausting and emotionally debilitating as we both tried to be there for the other, but also had needs the other could not provide. It was a viscous cycle. I love him very much and hope he is able to find much needed healing.

@nealdavis7276 3 жыл бұрын

I actually first got into your videos because I was looking for resources to better understand what my wife is going through so that I can better support her.

@MIXERHK 3 жыл бұрын

this video will help me alot thx

@tulsibloom 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Thank you Thank you

@gingerepperson5788 4 жыл бұрын

I can't be around my siblings because they were involved in the traumatic event. They trigger me and takes me a while to get my heart, brain to calm down. I keep myself locked in my home. I can't go out in the world because when I see the police it trigger's me, I don't trust anyone in the event they might shoot a gun, so that being said, I am alone. Everytime I see a therapist it trigger's me, because I don't want to talk, I want to forget. I don't take any medicine,

@lovelygummybear1 4 жыл бұрын

I think you just saved my relationship, thank you so much for informing us so clearly ♥️ it really helped

@wishingonthemoon1 3 жыл бұрын

I am marrying my abuser. I went through almost two years of multiple forms of abuse with him that has left me a shell of a human. I left him, but I didn’t have the resources to heal, even as a Christian. I tried to see a therapist, but she just laughed and blamed and even told me I was just crying over my own stupidity. So, I went back to him, because I felt there was nowhere else to turn, especially since I didn’t have a community around me to help. He has since had lots of therapy and he doesn’t hurt me anymore. Unfortunately his journey wasn’t as deep as I had hoped, he doesn’t quite get it (yet, hopefully) He doesn’t get that it is *every day* for me. In fact, he actually put on the music to which he first assaulted me to. Has tried sexually intimate things with which he used to use to force me. For him it was always good and fun and never “bad” things that were happening. I really really hope that getting married will fix this and help heal me.

@LunaVicious999 4 жыл бұрын

My partner and I are both abuse survivors and it's really hard for us to both manage eachothers triggers and issues with rejection. We're trying.

@davidkilby1043 4 жыл бұрын

Jo, thanks

@tylerhallenberger1958 2 жыл бұрын

I this was posted a while ago and so I’m hoping some will reply, but I’m in a relationship with a girl that I love so much, and I want to be there and support and she heals through her trauma. We try to communicate how we feel about certain situations and a lot of the time we find ourselves unheard or misunderstood. I loved this video so much and I was hoping someone could give me a second opinion on whether or not I should show her this video to possibly understand what she is going through without her having to directly tell me.

@charlescromwelljr8791 4 жыл бұрын

Thank u

@user-ix3nt2mp5c 5 ай бұрын

My gf and I have been dating for 9 months now. Lately she’s been choosing to stay away from me more often and for longer times. I’ve offered to put the relationship on hold or just be a friend for support. She keeps saying she wants us to stay in the relationship but her actions say otherwise. I feel at times like I’m not worth the fight for her. Or she’s not putting the extra effort into this relationship. I’m barely holding on. I want to be with her long term. Just to the point if this is healthy for me. I love and would never completely step away. Just lost at the moment. Please help. I don’t want to loose us 😢

@Imightbeez 5 ай бұрын

I’m literally on the same boat brother ! I hope the best for you but I’m keep helping her and holding on until I really can’t anymore …..

@Tesseslife2342 Жыл бұрын

It’s so hard 😢 I want to run a lot of the time the triggers he’s gets stressed angry .

@darrendewald7375 3 жыл бұрын

"Understand that it is not you. You didn't do anything to them that caused that". Thanks for saying that. I struggle so much with feelings of guilt and shame for triggering my wife's PTSD. It's so difficult to live in the shadow of the condemnation of PTSD, especially when the person is struggling themselves to decipher what is true and untrue. It's difficult to know how to reconcile when you've triggered someone. How do you apologize and reconcile when your partners condemnation is rooted in fear and shame from past trauma? What do you do if they believe trauma narrative is so deeply engrained that it shapes their reality outside of triggered episodes?

@ryryg.3246 3 жыл бұрын

My girlfriend and I are long distance (we started out like this) and we been together for 4 years..And she’s been dealing with trauma that mostly consists of her family..At most during our 2nd year and since then it gotten worse..she’s dealing with family issues right now and she told me that she still loves me even if she’s being a little distant. I told her I understand, I love her back, and I want her to know that I’m here with and for her..I’m very patient of her even though it hurts when she’s gone, leaves me on read, or feeling like she’s dealing with this alone..I kind of need advice on what to say to her when she’s like that..

@HoneyboyDes Жыл бұрын

People in post trauma seldom talk about it. They get effected when the subject or a trigger is brought up. I've learnt to not touch on it unless they do and to be there for her. I'm here because I want to learn more on how to support.

@jaymarie3345 2 жыл бұрын

My girlfriend with PTSD of two years keeps telling me she wants too be alone then day later she wants me back . Out of the two years it’s happened 3 times I love her I’ll roll with the punches I’ll deal with her issues because she’s worth it !!

@mikemckay4256 Жыл бұрын

I recently broke things off with the girl I’ve been dating for the last 3 months because her traumatic past was causing a roadblock in our new relationship. Everything was on the up and up until we finally had sex and after that the dynamic shifted. She started acting scared of me (she was also physically and sexually assaulted) began flaking on our plans constantly,Stopped the frequency of her responses to my calls and texts or even initializing contact or conversations. I care for her very much and want to be with her and support her but I felt maybe I was hurting more than helping by trying to play the savior. We hung out and chatted about things last night for the first time since the breakup and I can still see the love in her eyes as well as her pain. I felt love in the way she kissed me and apologized for being selfish with me. I know she needs space so I have given her all the space possible. I want to get back together after she’s had time to heal and process her feelings but I’m worried about her and honestly don’t know how to breathe new life into our relationship. Any advice?

@christopheredwards510 3 жыл бұрын

I appreciate the video. My lady has the same experience. We are good but I appreciate the information. I am not sure but I feel like its PTSD anxiety and depression. And if you are able to possibly have your husband either on a video and give some advice on the way he may have helped you. Idk but thank u.

@theknightofsappho5526 2 жыл бұрын

are there any books/resources i can read to help me. i don't wanna bring it up too much with them as they're not yet at the stage where they feel comfy talking/opening up but I still want to find out ways I can be supportive