Update on the second story: UPDATE: Y'all. I don't even know what to say besides thank you. You have been... clear and generous and demonstrated ALL the sense I was lacking. I realize I was brought up, in a way, to think all this was normal. Until the past week, I thought it was. So to the update: mom's sibling has been a storm of getting things done. I guess there's been an unspoken awareness in the family of the way I've taken on so much and my meltdown was not a massive surprise. I've had several texts of "hey you take care of you, we got this." Nice but like ... where was this especially the last 10 years? She and mom are actually investigating assisted living. Mom told her she doesn't want to become a burden. (Insert eye roll?) In any event, they are copying me on websites and stuff. I'm staying home with no plans to go down. I feel regret. It feels wrong not to be there. But I'm also feeling relief. I realize what many of you said - it wasn't the money, it was the idea she had no thought about taking care of me or acknowledging me as much as my brother. She's my mom. But also, it feels awful that she's parentfied me and infantilized my brother and that would be her last message to us. My mom's sister texted me that there are life insurance policies for my kids to cover a chunk of college and that mom's funeral and all that is prepaid. She didn't have to break the expectation of confidentiality and tell me (and here I am telling Reddit) - and I'm so glad she did. It gave me some peace to know she thought of the kids. I guess this was the breakdown that changed the way of things for me. I'm sad in someways but free in others. It will take awhile but I think the biggest lesson here was that I did this to myself and my family by jumping to someone else's tune. I've apologized to my spouse and there's been a shift between us for the better. I guess I'm growing a spine? Mom doesn't know I had this crisis. Her sister just told her that I'm extremely busy and can't come down and that anyway mom should let others help once in a while. Mom was calling to see if everything was ok because that sounded odd to her and especially since I didn't tell her myself (... and be told I was abandoning her?) I texted mom that I hoped her sister was helping and she said 'yes thank you'. It's a start. To those of you that guessed there would be some nastiness - yes, there has. My dad (of all people!!) called and told me to 'let up on my brother'. I was completely confused until he said that my brother is brokenhearted that I broke my promise (huh?) to go help mom and was suggesting he needs to go. I told him it's true I'm not going but I haven't talked to my brother and it's not my job to tell my brother what to do. My mom's eldest sibling put in the family group chat (that is usually 100% birthday greetings and funny memes) that they and their spouse are highly concerned that mom isn't being taken care of and that sometimes "neglect is abuse" and people don't realize. My moms youngest sib sent a screenshot of the cost of a fight for the eldest' hometown to moms closest airport. Group chat is now silent. I laughed hysterically. Thank you all for being there best of Reddit community. I don't know if there will be another update so I want to take this moment and appreciate you. SMALL UPDATE: Sometimes, the Reddit community is empathy and strength in the best way. You all gave me the clarity of perspective and I'm sorry I couldn't reply to everyone individually. BUT before I could talk myself out of it, I texted my mom's youngest sibling and told her I was tapping out. I ranted a bit. A lot. She bought a plane ticket and is going down to help mom. She completely understood and was super supportive. She told me that mom has been having memory issues and is planning to move to assisted care. OK.... she said she's going make that a priority when she's down to help. Technically she's my aunt but I never knew her growing up but it was nice to feel like a family member had my back. I don't know if she told mom or shared my texts but mom has been calling. I muted her. I don't know what happens next but I think a good night's sleep is definitely first. Thank you again for being a clear voice.

I work retail. I HATE resellers. They're almost always so rude!!

Rslash quotes with no context "OH no the evil monkey stole our hamburgers" "That's kinda one of the main duties of a husband, giving his wife some hotdog"

Story 2: The mother F-ed around and found out. This is what happens when you have a golden child -- you lose the other children.

Story 2: Ahh, the classic golden child/scapegoat family relationships, I absolutely despise that. Cutting your daughter out of your will and giving it to your favorite golden child brother is a surefire way to ruin the relationship with your daughter. Stand your ground, if she doesnt appreciate you, then you shouldn't be nice to her. NTA.

Story 3: As someone who used to HAVE to shop in thrift stores just to have decent clothes to wear, I can attest that resellers are the absolute worst! These people actively try to take clothes intended to help less fortunate people who can't afford high-end brands and resell them at high markup. That's the problem. Clothes in thrift shops are HEAVILY discounted so people who normally wouldn't be able to afford them CAN afford them. Then you get moochers like these coming in and buying them up IN BULK at said discounted prices, which they take and resell online for exorbitant amounts! I cannot emphasize this enough that they do this for their own profit and are literally robbing low-income people of decent clothing! That's why everybody hates resellers and why they're saying that they're ruining thrift stores. Totally NTA! I would've done the exact same thing and actually have just to spite these people because I used to be low income.

Props to that kid for realizing on his own that he's not well set up for life instead of complaining. He definitely has potential even if things looked grim

Story 5:Kelly needs a reality check,High school is one thing,Real life is a whole other thing,NTA

Story 4: Oof, even if her trauma from her late first husband and child explained all of her actions, it doesn't excuse her proceeding to blame OP for the son's failures. Instead of helping him with life skills, she just fuels his habits, even tried to sue OP for money At least the son eventually realized how f**ked up things were, but I don't know if he'll be able to easily recover

*First OP:* Jane took dang near all the food from OP's BBQ and then asked for cake? Lol! OP is NTA no matter how much meat Jane brought. I'm surprised Jane didn't use her pregnancy as an excuse to take all the food. *Second OP:* OP's "mom" sounds ungrateful that OP despite the fact that she had to put her life on hold to help her. If OP's family couldn't help OP's mom on their own, then why couldn't they hire a caretaker for her? OP is NTA with or without the will. *Third OP:* OP handled the situation the best she could. OP is NTA. *Fifth OP:* OP was defending her daughter... from her other daughter. OP is NTA, but calling your kid a loser isn't the best idea depending on context.

How does she not feel embarrassed after taking all the food, knowing damn well that some havent eaten yet? Doesnt matter if pregnant...

Story 2:OP,Stay away from her,You gain nothing from helping that ungrateful b-word,If anyone who complains,They can help her NTA

Dude. 8 burgers and 10 hotdogs ANNNNNND a wholeass pan of BBQ.

Story 3: Let’s call these “re-sellers” what they really are: Scalpers. NEVER apologize for ruining a scalpers business. Period. OP you’re a hero.

In the last story, I had a mental flashback to the hot tub scene from Eurotrip where the cheerleaders are thinking they're going to be as popular in college as they were in high school and I'm thinking to myself "Yeah, Kelly's probably got that mindset in, which is probably why she flunked out".

Once again, Rslash dishing AH points to the Husband of the story for making the slightest of mistake. No, Dabney, the Husband isn't responsible for the attitude of the main AH of the story, not everyone is aware that their coworker is a thief.

Does Rslash just think you can walk into another person's house while they're there and take stuff? Giving the husband a score just because he was out to the store and trying to deescalate things, and because he invited people he knew over(which OP never said was a problem) to have a fun cook out, and they took advantage? It's not on him at all, the only thing he did wrong is trusting people who apparently have no regard for others.

Some thrift / charity stores have had to add rules that you can only buy within 2 sizes because between resellers and the oversized trend no one could get ahold of plus sizes who needed them

2nd story: The reason OP lost all motivation to help her mom upon finding out she was not in the will wasn't because she only took care of her for money. But rather because OP wasted so much of her own money to help her. Both travel expenses and taking time off work would have costed her a lot over the years. But on top of that she also did tons of free labor for her while she was taking care of her. To do all that for a person and then find out that they don't value you or your time at all would break anyone. If I was OP I would sit down, calculate exactly how much money she's lost out on while helping her mom and send it to her to show her everything she's done for her. And how utterly ungrateful she's been to OP about it.

Story 1 nta the neighbor is so petty. That if she can't have cake then her kids can't have any? Wow.

Story1 I agree 100% that Prego planned the burger heist. Like you said, who leaves a party with food then comes back later for more food?

Story 4:That woman literally ruined son's life People,Do not be like her,NTA

Wow, the final cherry on top is that OP was gracious enough to still let the kiddos get cake, but since entitled mommy didn’t get what she wanted nobody does. Im glad OP didn’t let her get her way

Story 1: My eyes almost rolled out of my head when you gave OP's husband 1/5. I just KNEW you were gonna give the husband a butthole score for not "supporting his wife", when he LITERALLY DID, both by calling his friend and by getting OP something else to eat. He's not responsible for his friend's girlfriend being a thief. We get it, you're an oh-so-perfect husband who would never make a mistake, but you can't hold it against other men. Honestly, also, part of me was surprised that Jane didn't pull the pregnant card, because people like her always tend to do that, but even without that, the AUDACITY to steal food and then come back expecting more is beyond mine or any person with an IQ above room temperature's understanding.

It's the coming back for cake that gets me. 'brb i'm just taking all of this food home' lol

Story 1: I know who’s not going to be invited to the next BBQ. 😂

The husband did take reasonable action to reduce tension in the first story... I think you're expecting too much

Stealing lunch and then asking for desert sounds like the ending of one of thoes stories the Peter Rabbit author would write

Story 1: The neighbor trying to rationalize being entitled to the food, because she brought some of it to the party is so tacky to me. No manners.

Story 3:They were literally gonna do the exact same thing,What a bunch of hypocrites,NTA

My daughter is the head of shoes for our local thrift store. It is actually a really big store and a very large department. Some people are there EVERY single day picking through the shoes to resell them. Most of the time, they grab them off the carts before my daughter even has time to put them out! They are absolutely horrible!! The main reason for the store is to help people who are really struggling. Our church will even give people vouchers to go in and get what they need for free. It broke my daughters heart during prom season when girls went in looking for their perfect shoes for prom but had to settle for the ugly shoes that were left over. Some people are just truly horrible and disgusting! 😡

Rslash showing his biases again with Story 1, just because the Husband didn’t do what you think he should do, doesn’t mean he’s an A Hole.

Story 1: and THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how to ensure you NEVER get invited to functions again. (also, Rslash simp warning for story 1)

Dabney you had me laughing over the Paw Patrol bit. It really was like that😂

Story4 This happened to 2 of my cousins. Both of their parents raised them to believe they could do no wrong and that anyone who opposed them should be punished. They're now grown, both parents deceased, and are having to figure out how life works on their own. They behaved so poorly throughout their lives that none of the family want anything to do with them.

So being a loser in high school means you deserve nothing good for the rest of your life? Four years decides the course of life, and if you don’t like it “suck it up, you shouldn’t have been a loser in high school?”

The Hamburglar's going to be tried for fast food -related crimes against humanity at some point.

TIL "the main responsibility of a husband is to give his wife some hot dog."

Story 1: My favorite part of going to events is helping clean up in the end, so I have an excuse to take leftovers home. NEVER would I take the whole thing. Jeez.

Story 1. Sure the neighbors brought over 2 lbs of burger meat but Jane ended up leaving with 8 burgers plus 10 hot dogs. So she basically left with her contribution to the BBQ plus extra! How was she comfortable enough to go back and ask for more damn food? Whaa... Edit: And she took the macaroni salad, Jeez.

I’m sure if op let the neighbor have cake she’d have taken almost all of it “I did leave a piece” really just the cake and icing that sticks. Who takes that much food at someone’s bday bbq. She didn’t ask “can I take all of the rest” she asked to take some. She knew what she was doing

Story 3: Resellers are the worst. Like, they swipe everything and give nobody else a chance to buy anything. I'm glad to know everyone is backing up OP. If those greedy a-holes want money, they can get a job

Last Story OP Kelly is an adult not a child, she dropped out of collage and works as a waitress so she needs a bigger score for being a brat about it when she failed to finish collage or get a better job.

You could say that the neighbor is a certified glizzy gobbler

Incredible that you'll see a story of someone stealing food and somehow give one of the victims a 1/5 for not doing enough apparently. L

Story 2: asked the family why they can’t go, and when they give you the same excuse again, ask them why does that matter since your family and family support to always be there it’s especially when others can’t. You’ve been there for your mom and she was going to screw you over like this. Because apparently you dropping everything all the time is nothing prepared to the couple of times your brother come around to move furniture. Tell everyone you’re doing your brother a favor you’re staying out of the way so he can actually earn his inheritance so he doesn’t have to feel guilty that you do majority of the care while he gets the praise and appreciation.

Last story: but she’s not down, she just can’t afford her sister‘s life and somehow think it’s not fair because high school stereotypes. Which is funny because in those stereotypes, it’s the popular people that end up screwing up their lives while the nerds get rich. But non of that matters because if she wants a better lifestyle than she needs to stop claiming and get to work.

He’s getting more and more unhinged

I'm putting extra applause for the 3rd OP because I have seen resellers in the wild. I collect diecast cars (for fun and for Gaslands); and I have seen more than my share of people leave hot wheels lying around and not put them back, empty blisters, or multi-packs "mysteriously" missing a car or two.

Story 2: it won’t change unless the mom sees it herself. I have an uncle who’s the golden child despite being a MAJOR LEAGUE fuck up, and my grandma is willing to burn alongside him. It’s only increased since my grandpa died. You’re lucky if the person in the fog wakes up, but it’s near-impossible if you’re still in the fog in older age.

Resellers story - those people need to be automatically booted from thrift stores.

If someone took away all the food and left nothing for me and my kid AT MY OWN BIRTHDAY, they would've earned a permanent ban from my house or anywhere near me and my family. NTA. Jane should be glad that only she was denied cake. Don't mess with other people's food, b----.

2 pounds of hamburger, unless you are making tiny sliders, is at best 4 hamburgers patties. I don't know if the husband deserves a butthole score, we don't know that the wife was upset or even tried to invite anybody to her friends in this story, my now ex-wife wanted a big party one year and asked me to invite my friends as well, so it could be a similar situation. He tried to keep the peace and fix the situation. He didn't know friend's wife was a hamburgler, lesson learned, will not do again.

The reseller stuff happens with the free table at my mom's curch too. The church has clothes that people donate and EVERY Sunday or Monday a bunch of ladies go through the tables and take everything that could be sold and leaves the clothes in a mess.

Second story is classic example of golden child and the other child. The least OP's mom in that story could do is either pay her the expenses for travelling or split the inheritance. If family are so keen on helping her then why don't they go help the mother or make op's brother to go there.

Story 2: The mother is being absolutely ungrateful. Showing her what happens when her daughter isn’t on hand every time she needs help might be a good way to teach her what her daughter is actually doing for her all the time

Story 1 is hilarious and funnily enough there a show made by a band called The Aquabats. One of their episodes was them dealing with a hunger that only burgers could satisfy and the villain of the episode had stolen all the burgers in town. It led to the greatest song ever. Burger rain.

Story 3 : HELL NAW fuck resellers, that stuff should Low-key be illegal or shunning-worthy.

Story 3: at most it was petty, but you were still with in your right and you made sure to put everything back when you were done. And I’m certain you didn’t completely take every last piece of clothing off the rack so instead of worrying about you they could’ve just gone and looked at other clothes, they’re only there to pick out valuable stuff and resell it anyway what does the size matter? Do that to the wrong person they would’ve left with a black eye, trying to harass people for shopping like that.

The Hambugler strikes again

4th story: Mom definitely ruined that kid. Good on OP for continuing to try, but he should follow the “three strikes you’re out” rule going forward. Some people are just lost, no sense on wasting time and resources on them.

Story 1: I’m glad R/ said something because I thought it was weird that she stole all the food and came back for more. To me that says you stole all the food before someone could notice, realize you could’ve taken more food and came back. What kind of logic does that make? I brought burgers that means I get to take all the food, including the food, I didn’t bring or cook before the parties even over? She didn’t even bother to see if maybe someone didn’t get any since there was so much left. And how did you know no one else wanted to take some or wanted seconds? I actually think it was pretty nice of you to let the kids still have some cake, after that, this wouldn’t be on my property again. Be getting called out after stealing all the food.

Why is the husband catching a stray? Like he holds a little fault for inviting a friend? But op didn't have a problem with that, so it's unfair to fault him for that. The problem is strictly with the friend and friends wife As they are the ones that took all the food. And what is he supposed to do just walk into their house and take the food back? They at first denied they took all of it when they talked, they weren't gonna let him just take it back. Wtf

Listen, r/slash. The husband isnt responsible for his friends girlfriend. And you seriously expect him, to go into another person's house, grab the trays of food (even tho, you dont know the state of their house, they can he horders, not clean their dishes well, etc. The stuff can be dirtied and now gross.) And expect nothing to happen?

Story 1: I dont think the Husband deserves a butthole score. To quote rslash of the past, "the absence of nice isnt mean, its just not nice". Thats what the husband was. He wasnt mean, he was just not nice.

In story 1, I had a similar experience with my mom and grandma inviting a crap ton of people to my graduation party. I only new my immediate family(a whole whopping 8 people) and the 4 friends that I invited. I didnt have a clue who the other almost 30 people were! They basically high jacked my party. And then- and then I got yelled at for playing monopoly with my friends INSIDE the house, when it was super windy outside! And yelled at some more for not interacting with everyone else! No matter how much I told my mom that I wasnt comfortable being around that many people I dont know.(mind you I'm an extremely introverted person) It got so bad at one point I was threatened with giving all presents and money back if I didnt go outside, so I went out, sat in a corner and kept to myself. Until my friend Sam came out to make sure i was ok and she stayed with me. It's been almost 10 years since that and I'm still mad! I just wanted a small get together with my friends. Not put on a pedestal for my mom and grandmas friends!

She really is the Hambugler all she’s missing is the black-and-white striped shirt

*The 1st Post Sounds Like A Plot From The Actual Ronald McDonald Series!*

I feel a little sick even thinking about the stolen food. I am greedy, I like food, but I don't like food enough to steal. I don't like food enough to make enemies. I might MAYBE have taken one burger for later if I was there and it was as good as my imagination. Maybe. But maybe not, because there were kids there, and my parents can fry, I feed kids first.

story 1: "oh your friend's girlfriend is a thief? you're also an asshole." ..take another vacation.

First story spunds like a movie plot for pixar's next "best summer blockbuster " 😂

Where's the female version of Homer Simpson in a Krusty the Clown suit ready for the Hamburgler.

"$90 on hamburgers and hotdogs." Goddamn, OP. Who did you invite to your birthday party? Goku?

Rslash has to understand most men aren’t “wife guys” like he is. Seriously.

Third story: yeah screw those resellers. I feel the moment thrift store owners start getting pissed off and start banning them they'll act like they're victims. They're as worst as a problem we have here of "boutique thrift stores", aka people who own thrift stores but sell everything massively overpriced acting like it's a fashion brand, and not used clothes; Meanwhile my grandma's friend used to own a thrift store (she sadly closed it down due to health issues) and my grandma managed to buy both a Swarovski ring, and a Dolce and Gabanna pair of glasses there for literally just five bucks each (a rich woman used to take things she didn't wanted anymore there to be sold); So yeah screw resellers and "boutique" thrift stores, ruining a nice thing for greed.

"She was besides the grill the entire time..." Lol uh yea, she was just waiting for her chance to take everything. Put up "No Hamburgler!" signs with Jane's pic edited to be the Hamburgler 😆

Story 1: My theory on why she came back was after she stole the food, 45 minutes later and she remembered/her kids asked about the cake. It's possible she expected OP, OP's kids, and OP's husband to still be preoccupied so she could steal the whole thing. But had to change plans when OP and her son were near the grill/cake

What's wrong with inviting a friend and his wife over to a birthday BBQ, that is WHY you have birthday BBQs to invite people over. Also, the husband was just as shocked as OP, he made sure to bring her home food so she didn't have to make something different, why does he get a 1/5? He met her needs, assessed the situation, investigated, and came up with a solution for her, he also didn't tell her to be nice and share her cake, sounds like a good supportive partner to me.

These thumbnails man💀

Ahh yes, in bed at night, with some fries and some shawarma, and rslash on my phone. My guilty pleasure before monday.

I love that the dad still decided to do the right thing and help his son with his resume. It is so important that the kid makes the steps to get help, but I love that the dad is there to help when his son is ready to accept it. So much better than the mother's coddling.

I knew i should've done my hamburglar idea before someone stole it

I think I'm going to have to call Sheriff Big Mac on the Hamburglar family from the first story

Hamburgler is confirmed real

Story 4: I think there's still hope for the kid. He's recognized that what mom did is messed up and he's still young. If he can stay motivated long enough to learn basic life skills, and it sounds like OP is willing to help there, he may be able to be independent in a few years.

First story: only thing I disagree with Rslash on, A grown woman, eating for two and 3 kids could _definitely_ make their way through 8 burgers and 10 hotdogs in 45 minutes. I once ate more than that, in only 20 minutes, for a bet.

First Story: "Some hot dog..." LOL!!!

Thrift resellers ruin places like Goodwill, thrift stores, and book sales. Venues should start banning them so real customers can shop. Or just let them paw through products that have gone unsold after a period of time. The resellers don't actually help the stores make money. Their purpose is to literally only buy the things other people would want to buy, in order to make the products cost more for the actual users.

As someone who has watched all of Paw Patrol, I can confirm that, while it didn’t happen in the show, a plot where someone steals all of the hamburgers at someone’s birthday is the exact type of thing that would happen in that show.

Ok hold up, how was OP’s husband in the first story supposed to know that his friend’s wife was a land whale that would eat all of the leftovers? Husband doesn’t deserve a butthole score, it sounds like he tried to host a fun party for his wife’s birthday, and when some voracious food beast stole their food he tried to make it right

The first story sounds like my sister’s first wedding reception. We left to change clothing for the clean up and the people at the adjoining bar took all the remaining food that we paid for.

Petition for RSlash to take a new vacation and do more wholesome atories

Kicking a child while they are down is low. Kicking your adult bratty daughter while she is clearly being a petulant brat on the other hand...

I would love to hear the mother in the cut-off story talk to a judge. "Your Honor, my precious legal adult baby is a complete and total manchild who is dependant on handouts thanks to my parenting. Make his dad keep paying child support!"

So the story with the woman in the thrift store, as a former 'roller' at probably the largest thrift brand in the US and Canada, resellers were the scourge of my time there, especially when I rolled electronics and household goods. We had a strict rule that they weren't to hassle us as we put out the merch and they still would. The one time that pisses me off is we had 5, FIVE, Google home devices out, and we have a two day policy for employees buying things, this one reseller who was eventually banned at my former location short stocked(his) all five in various places and then systematically came back and gathered them, cuz like hey, Hell, I didn't want ONE of them. The worst part is something is on the racks for like $10 for a name-brand, they'll buy and superinflate the price on eBay later.

Story one... That neighbor woman was the very height of rudeness! I'd never allow her back EVER! Perma-ban! 🤨

I forgot to add this in my first comment, but why would you want the meat back at that point? Restaurants immediately discard anything you return because they dont know how clean you or your house is, most food illnesses are caused in a residential setting. He did the safer and smarter thing.

The 1st story: the fact that she had the audacity to come back.....that's like a criminal coming back to the crime scene, while the cops are there.

To the last stort: Tom Cochrane put it beautifully: "Life is a highway" and based on that metaphor you have to ride it and those who can do that typacally gets further.

Not possible to eat 8 burgers and 10 hot dogs in 45 minutes?! Have you never been around a pregnant person, teenager, or Texan at a bbq?! The three of them could have easily polished those off.