Radical acceptance also means when you protect your boundaries against narcissists you can’t avoid (no contact )- prepare for the fight of your life- why ?- narcissists hate boundaries and they push back stubbornly until they violate your boundaries - it’s just the way it is - be strong with calm firmness constantly

Every one of us has the ability to face that which robs us of our peace and autonomy. Face it...and then, move on to a beautiful life. Stop underestimating yourself.

I wish narcissists were more like Gus, he is just so cute and very chilled sleeping on the couch.

"Not having what I want on the outside doesn't negate what I carry on the inside." Truer words have never been spoken. This was excellent.

When I embraced the idea of radical acceptance, it was a game changer. Now when someone relates some outrageous lie the narc has told about me, I just calmly say “I won’t respond or defend myself against a ridiculous lie.” People who truly know me, know that these are falsehoods. The others don’t count. Radical acceptance works.

A large part of the pain was realising that not only were there actually people like this, but that I had married one. Took me a long time to forgive myself for making such a massive mistake.

Narcissists will destroy your life, erode your self-esteem, and do it with such stealth as to make you feel that you are the one that’s letting them down and paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. 💙KZfaqr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships

All I can say is thank you Dr Carter. Several years ago I googled “why does my husband constantly lie?” Narcissistic Personality popped up and so did your videos. Spouse hit every single trait of a Narcissist. Now I know….everything and am not alone.

Am not going back into that narcissist cage in darkness.Never

If only someone could tell kids how to recognize abuse & how to tell a trusted grown-up.

Can I just admit, that I love Dr. Carter and his team, Gus included. Thank you for making this world a better place.

I don't want the trauma anymore. It has crept into every corner of my life and it doesn't serve any purpose now. The baby that couldn't defend themselves is a grown adult who is saying, no more. I won't let them into my mind and life anymore. Radical acceptance is walking away, with my peace, dignity and self respect.

“All I have is my today, and today I’m going to live as wisely as possible”. WONDERFUL advice Dr C!!!!

This is so very hard. Especially after holding out on hope for decades that a marriage would be saved. Or parents would treat you better. When years and years go by and everything is the same or even worse it’s a fight for mental and emotional survival. Thanks Dr C for your videos and the time you take for us.

Thank you again, Dr. C for addressing the difficulties of being a narc abuse victim. You really are offering life saving advice and I pray God continues to bless your family, your channel and your work.

I'm so excited to hear this video. I too find myself feeling sorry for the narc and guilty for blocking them from my life. I had to do it to make myself healthy again. I'm working on it!

Radical Acceptance = Radical Accomplishment

I confronted my narcissist in a very calm and rational way. I said I wanted her not to talk to other people about me ; not to gossip. She says " Well I'm your mother so I'll talk about you if I want." Then she wanted to argue about the definition of the word gossip. Maddening. Once again those of you in this struggle: I believe you. Others know what this is like and would believe you. While I feel sad to hear about everyones struggles, it helps me feel saner and less alone.

Thank you so much! Radical acceptance has actually given me peace. I don't have expectations or hope for change . I am freed up to acknowledge my own worth . God gave me that and not even a narcissist can take it from me. You are the only professional I have ever heard speak of this. Other people view this as weakness but it truly takes a lot of inner strength to get to radical acceptance without loosing yourself. Thanks again.

Hello from Poland! and thank You, so much thank You:) I want to share something about dealing with pain. Flying monkeys of my ex covert narcissist, when my heart was so much broken, because he left me as single mom with a 9 old daughter, who's heart also was broken, so, this flying monkeys started to say to me: it's all because you don't love yourself. I was very angry of this words. But now I know that's true, but... It is a little different then they though. The narcissits drain all the love we have for ourselves, and after that, they are so dissapointed, that there is no more. Like a heavy drinker, who came to the party, drink alone all good (and bad) stuff and now is complaining (rage, mad), that you do not have more, and ask you go, buy more, now, immediately. I hope, I am not wrong, but I think to my self: we are not a bottomless bottle of love and self-esteem, we are humans, and we need other healthy humans to not became empty, not to fill us, but to keep the balance. I feel, that it is so much easier to rebuilt self-esteem with team healthy around. You can refill you bottle, if there are people who just help you keep the balance. And of course, You are one of this person:)

I’ve came to radical acceptance, but had no name for it until now. The Holy Spirit told me that two weeks ago. It also told me to let him take care of those that I love and care about, continue to pray for them however not to feel bad or responsible if they go their own way and not let them make you feel bad about their decisions. Simply be available to help as far as you can. Set up borders for yourself and allow them to be them.

I think I just recently gained some radical acceptance after it became clear to me that it did not matter what I did or did not do the narcissist would never bend or change. This took the onus off me and allowed me to "be free to be me"

Ive had so many arguments where I try to stand my ground and it was emotionally exhausting being bullied, name calling and constant put downs. I think I might of been depressed as tried several times just to end it all because everybody would better off without me. I kept hoping things would get better but they just never did. Distancing myself from him has improved my mental health. But my scars will never go away.

I’ve been saying something just isn’t right for years now. Light finally dawned that this person is a narcissist. The puzzle pieces have now fit together to a T. There is no talking to these people. There is no trying to change these people. They are toxic in every sense of the word. RUN.

Radical acceptance is a step toward reality and yourself.

Radical acceptance has been the theme of my life. I came from a small, backward town and my mother and all her family were severe narcissists. I didn't like that I had to accept that I was not going to ever get a fair deal. And I know there are so many people in similar situations who have to make this choice. It is hard, but it is the only way to keep your self respect and know who you really are. There is a lot of peace that it brings.

Absolutely, my radical acceptance was called divorce, after 30 years I still feel I could have done more!

This video could not have had better timing, God is guiding you Dr. C, thank you for continuing to help people into your retirement days! Your knowledge and experience is crucial and is so appreciated! 🙏🏻

I have learned that our society rewards bad behavior. If you stand up for what's right, you are discarded. You don't matter. After going through the horrific ordeal with my adult child, I have learned to move on and learn to live my life with quiet acceptance of what will never change. Sometimes no matter what have I have done, what I gave, it doesn't matter to them. They look down on me. But that's okay. They may be rewarded now, but in the end, they will face their consequences. Watching your videos within the last two years has helped me heal and move on. Nothing is fair in life. When your own children turn on you, it takes everything in you, to move on and leave them behind. That is radical within itself. I wasn't raised to be anyone's doormat. Thank you. ⚘💕

I think as survivors of these controlling people it is hard to adjust to having our emotions that we denied and shamed, learning to allow and accept our feelings is an adjustment making the path to radical acceptance that much more challenging. Learning and accepting my emotions as tools and signs to guide me to what is in line with my core values and allowing myself to accept my feelings and give myself that permission has been amazing, it has also taught me that I can trust myself to feel whatever I feel and that I will hold to my core values even in those difficult times❤️

Radical acceptance is staying in your own power. Not giving it to the narcissist. They wont dictate my feelings or my thoughts. They are invisible to me

Thank you from the bottom of my broken heart. Your words of wisdom are helping me tremendously throughout this journey out of the darkness and into the light

Love does not win. And no good deed goes unpunished. Sad but true. Look out for yourself!

My narc husband is nice as long as I don’t cross him. He wants control of everything. If I don’t like something he does, it is a fight. It’s like I’m a child and he the parent.

I don't have any feelings for them or created by them, I'm numb around them, unless they show me love, I reciprocate it and feel it.

Dr Carter I'm so happy you're getting so many subscribers! I tell everyone about you and how you helped me more than years of therapy and psychotrophic meds.

I wish you could see the tears flowing down my face right now doctor: Tears of relief. One can know what to do logically with the pain, but you're right, it's VERY hard. Watching your video's have taken me to a new plane of getting out of my own pain, and becoming as they say, "All that you can be." Life is NOT fair. And yes, we all want it to be don't we? You're simply the BEST. I mean that. What's the old song? "He shone like a gem, in a five and dime store." You ARE a God wink to so many...wait, a big God smile. Or a burst of heavenly sugar cookies falling down upon a starving soul. That's YOU doctor, and yes, that's me too! (I'm working on it, thanks to you.) Thank you once again dear sir. (Dogs rule!)

"You drop the phrase: "well, I just wish" ... well, quit wishing. You have what you have." ha! This insight is so clear, so direct, so true. Thanks being able to teach like this.

It's also a different kind of "pain" for some of us, even now at this point in our life's journeys, wherever we may be, I would say. More of a sweet "sadness" for the loss of what will never be and not necessarily just for us with them, but also for themselves with others as well, and all of the many ways they will never grow up! Watching other people never seek change or a "higher" road perhaps, is never easy even when we absolutely do know, understand, and have already radicially accepted our powerlessness. It absolutely does get easier though especially when appropriatedly shared with unconditionally caring and like-minded people.🕊

People in higher places who are dangerous narcissist effect all of us almost on a daily basis. A radical acceptance can go a long way in this regard! ☮️❤️

My pain will take me to where I need to go

He was an x con still conning. I remember getting up in the morning to fine our car gone, twice. I couldn't ask why. We moved 3 times in one Provence and 6-7 times in the new one. We always rented and he always had a plausible excuse for moving us. Well, you know he was out running the creditor and the law. After I divorced him I discovered that we weren't legally married even tho we had a wedding. He damaged our kids beyond repair. He even seduced my Mom into believing I was crazy and he wanted to marry her. He tricked her into putting her house up as collateral for a loan which he absconded with leaving her homeless. He's been dead now for about 16 years. I have no feelings about that at all. Thank you for showing me what they are. It's never too late to learn. Bless you.

🕊A 'radical" prayer to sustain me: My eyes are ever before The Lord, for ONLY He Will Release my feet from the snare. Lord, Turn To me and Be Gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied. Free me from my anguish. Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge In You. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my HOPE is IN YOU. Psalm 25 Amen 🙏

I've come to accept things as of I had chosen them for the time being knowing full well that I deserve better but I do this to avoid the rage. I'll find my way out some day. For now it's grey rock and radical acceptance

Yes. I’m diminished because I don’t matter- according to the narcissist.

This was exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you. I think that I may need to listen to this about, ummmm, maybe two hundred times. Two times down . . . 💜

The best video I've ever watched on this topic. Narcissists exist, they don't care and won't change. And we have to learn to go on with our lives. Thank you, Dr. Carter, for showing us the way.

For us,there's no way we could or ever would go back with our narcissist. There are so many days and weeks that now go by that we don't speak about her and some of the horrible things she did to us and others. Sometimes we wish we could make her listen and truly understand the damage that has been done to so many people over the years but know it would be a waste of time. To admit that we will always carry the "scars on our brains "would probably make her very happy and that she is the winner. There are no winners...only survivors. We are survivors!

My grandpa was a realist about these things. When lousy things happened and I hollered "not fair," Grandpa was sympathetic, but he still told me "No, it's not fair, because life is not fair. Bad things do happen to good people." I've learned that although I mount the best defense I can to life's problems, sometimes all I can do is say "well, $#!+" pick up the pieces and move on.

In my experience, the letting go (a family member in my case) is a form of grief, the death of expectation. Having dealt with a lot of grief, the letting go expectation got easier thanks to that - death is the ultimate radical acceptance. I like to think that this person is more than their worst behaviour, but I know that I will be the recipient of their worst behaviour, that's been the pattern for 25 years, so no or very limited contact is my protection. I can't be disappointed and hurt anymore.

I really needed to hear that message today. Thank you dr Carter. God bless you!

I needed this today, thank you. I struggle with all of this. It takes everything not to get frustrated and lose my temper (holler, argue, defend, explain, try to reason, etc.), even though that's what they want. But sometimes I feel like, silence, to them, is acceptance of their lies and abuse as truth and reality. So I get trapped between feeling like I need to hold my ground and let them know that I still don't acquiesce to their reality vs. the fact that I'm wasting my time because they are just enjoying the show and don't hear a word or care. I'm going to watch this a few more times so I can absorb and process.

People who hurt others this way never win…karma is a reality and it will circle ⭕️ back to them….tenfold

This was very powerful. I have never felt that my feet were on solid ground around my family of origin. It's almost like a coven the way they follow my mother. My family is really good at shunning, but when it comes to a problem they do not know how to solve I am expected to treat it like it's my problem. I have really struggled recently with the decision to move out of state. Away from them. My parents are now in their 80s. I need to do it for myself and my son who has autism. After this video, I feel more on the path to what I know is the right decision. They will not see me no matter how much I sacrifice, step in to help, dedicate my life to them, etc. I'm just angry that I didn't know this when I was 18. I am now 51 and have nothing but regrets about the living I have never done. I hoped in vain for so long that I could love them enough that they would at least treat me like I'm related to them. I think it's about time to change that.

He left me when my dad had a debilitating stroke and heart attack. I was with my dad and siblings at the hospital everyday and he would not go with me. He was extremely upset when I wasn't home to make dinner and meet his needs. He packed up and went south to the beach. He came back after a few weeks trying to save our marriage he said. I was numb and could not get past his anger and demands. He found out that I am stronger than he thought. This is all in the last 3 months. I'm done. Who does this to their wife?

Dr. Carter (and Gus), thank you for this video. It is so helpful to have videos that remind us that even though we have been victimized and hurt, badly at times, that we are still worthy of good treatment by others, and it's okay to take care of ourselves! It's okay to tell a Narcissist that they cannot have it all, they can't have what's good inside us or even our souls! It often feels like they are trying to steal our good souls, because theirs are so dark and ugly. They are ugly people inside. Sad, they are very sad people.

Radical acceptance takes a very long time. And that's okay. Dr. Carter says a lot of validating stuff, though, and I find that encouraging.

Dr C, I wish I could express how much I needed to hear this lesson in my journey of healing. I'm experiencing a deep depression at this time. A cycle of this grief I've come to multiple times. I've been feeling stuck in my growth process. You explained this in a way I completely understood it. When the student is ready, the teacher will arrive. Radical acceptance has been my missing link. Thank you. I hope you know how very much your insight and wisdom has helped myself and so many others. What a great gift you've been blessed with. Thank you for helping me continue to heal. Radical acceptance, I get it now.

✨🕊💖🙏🏼✨ I had to radically accept that the relationships that were abusive my whole life, were going to remain abusive no matter how much therapy I seemed to try to bring to my extended family healthier tools to communicate. I was just getting more abused and more ganged up on, and after that abuse started to spill out on my husband & my sons, I had to come to terms with the fact that I had to go no contact to protect my own family. I had to walk away from my extended family that wouldn’t stop abusing me, & it took a lot of therapy and a lot of time to get to this place of accepting that I couldn’t help create from the abusive past a new caring, loving, large extended family that I had prayed so much to be able to help heal & help find tools to bring function to our dysfunctional system. I wasn’t able to help. I had to walk away. I had to save myself. I had to protect myself. I had to help save & protect my family from the abusers that I had been raised to tolerate. I couldn’t tolerate such abuse of my own children, like I could tolerate the abuse of myself, which helped set me free. I’m so grateful my sweet family has moved past the abusers and now live in a much better, safer environment far from the abusers. My husband & I are finding out we were both the “black sheep” in very dysfunctional & dangerous family systems. With counseling we have been able to get our children far from such abusive people and they get to grow up in a peaceful home with parents that are no longer attached to our abusers. To get our children free from that makes me so excited. In counseling sometimes I will beat myself up for not knowing my family or my husband’s family was as abusive as they are. We tell what they did to us in a support group and it’s so obvious now that they are abusive. Living in it, we just didn’t see it, because we had been raised to accept such abuse as normal. Now when we tell people, it seems so obvious that there is a tendency to feel guilty for not knowing better sooner. Yet, thank goodness our therapists point out to not feel bad about not knowing and to instead celebrate that we are aware now. They are so kind in helping us love ourselves for breaking the chains. We were raised to feel the shame & guilt of being not good enough as kids to be loved in a healthy way. We internalized that we must not be good kids to be so unloved in comparison to kids we saw loved. It’s important to love yourself & let yourself be proud of being able to see the abuse and being able to get help. It’s a great day to celebrate that you are able to seek assistance & reach out to others and let them know the abuse happened. It’s great to celebrate how that teaches your own children to teach out and trust in the goodwill of others too. It’s a beautiful day to celebrate our own families & that could be you and your own family you create however that looks. I have met many great people in support groups that are standing alone, and they are such great people that help us protect our children together even though they don’t have families of their own. I find so much kindness in the groups of those made to be the “black sheep”. As a mother, I could never ever make one of my sweet babies out to be better or worse than the other. They are each wonderful bright little lights and my husband & I are better for knowing each of them. To those who ever had a parent make you feel you were less than, that’s abuse. And once you start to realize that, your healing process gets a lot easier. Be gentle with yourself. He kind to yourself. Love yourself like you always deserved to be loved. You are worthy of being protected from violence, whether physical, emotional, sexual &/or spiritual. I’m so grateful I stumbled upon these great videos years back. It’s been a great tool in my toolbox to have these kind words to help me bring calmness into the chaos of such violence against myself, my husband & my children. When you are so bullied that your children are bullied along with you, it’s very traumatic & frightening. I remember at one point feeling I had no way out of the chaos. Our abusers had so much power over us. Yet, a kind woman saw the terror in my eyes and took my hand and told me to never stop telling people what has happened to us and to keep telling people. That moment of connection led to a new day of feeling a revival in my Soul & a Knowing I was on the right path. This too shall pass. I’m five years from the worst of the abuse & we are growing stronger as a family each day. Thank Heavens.

I think you're an angel. Your videos always find me with the exact thing I need to hear. I cannot afford therapy and it's been very difficult. These videos have been a lifeline. I cannot emphasize this enough - thank you for helping so many through the narc' storm.

“Quit wishing. You have what you have”. This is just BRILLIANT 🥇A1 !!!!!

Dr C., you are a Godsend! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us so freely. You have helped me understand the narcissist in my life in a way that no one else has. You have given me practical tools and insights to deal with her and still keep my integrity intact! God bless you richly for giving of yourself and time to those of us who desperately need your expertise!

It's not so much that Life is Unfair, but that too many people have a Vested Interest in Exacerbating that Unfairness.

Aww my Gus is on his blanket such a sweetheart. My inspiration. Gus we can do this.

Thank you Dr Carter for another great video. Your amazing insights, honesty and assurances are the sources of strength we all need-- you're the father we all needed 😊 Thank you with all my heart for being here for all of us. ❤

The statement about worth is huge to me. No one gets to determine my worth. That is probably one of the most difficult resets I had to do through all of this. Also, I find it challenging at times to not drift into feeling apathetic as I “radically accept” the circumstances due to the narcissists in my life. I try to remember that I feel things deeply and that is okay and do the hard work of not letting this be changed about me due to another’s behaviors and choices.

Love this channel its respectful and understanding despite the fact that narcissistic abuse is the total opposite

Looking back at growing up with a narcissistic mother , her actions make me angry. But I take a deep breath and remember what she is. I love her as my mother, but I don't like her as a person.

I can accept that the narcissist won't change...but there are times the Pain. Just. Hits.Hard. The promises made will never be kept. To go a lifetime denied the blessings of a union, only the charade publicly but demeaning and disrespect privately. Sometimes you just got to set a timer and weep. Then breathe in, look at the other blessings in your life and thank God for His never-failing love (AND the wisdom and support here!!!)

At 61, I’m finally understanding the lifelong dynamic between my older brother & I. As a sufferer of PTSD following a light plane crash, I’m acutely aware of psychological scars. My brother also experienced a major trauma, aged 15, after a collision on a bike with a car that left him with a fractured skull, and many difficult subsequent years. Aged 11, I was mostly oblivious, though aware, of the impact, & only now, aged 61, am I beginning to understand the profound psychological effects unfortunately my bother displays in spades. He is now seeking to manipulate my elderly Mum, white ant & undermine me, and cause great heartache & despair for my Mum & I. I’m so torn between anger & compassion. But thank you Dr. C. You’ve empowered me with knowledge. I already had empathy & a sense of my own dignity, respect & civility well entrenched in my sense of self. You empower me with the self belief & determination to do what’s right for me & my Mum, despite the only dysfunctional protagonist being my only sibling.

It reminds me of what alcoholics have to face and accept in order to heal. The addiction acts much like a controlling narcissist, and it’s victim can not conquer it until they radically accept what they can not change, yet are empowered by what they CAN change… and then the wisdom to know the difference. Thank you Dr Carter for being my light at the end of the tunnel in dealing with narcissistic controllers. I quit a job the other day because I knew the narcissist boss would never change and there are too many places needing help right now. I let go and changed direction… and I sleep like a baby at night now!!

I think taking a nap with Gus can heal me completely.

Thank you. This is a very real struggle for me. I realize I've been trying to hold on and fix my situation. I admit to pleading and begging, believing that love conquers all. I moved out of our home after trying to assert that the way I am treated is not okay. All my words fell on deaf ears. We jointly own a business, which is so difficult. It seems I need to walk away from that as well. At this point, I cannot begin to imagine my future. I feel like I've had no choice but to give up everything - husband, home, livelihood. I don't quite know where to go from here, but accepting that things will never change is a place to begin. Starting my life over at age 62 isn't what I had in mind, but that is the reality of my life. I need to heal and radically change direction.

I had to get the police involved ,concerning the narc.He felt entitled to come to my house and pull his rage fits and blame shifting lies on a regular basis .He would not respect my boundaries or me ,for that matter .I had to make that decision to protect my well being and my mental mind .Sometimes you have take extreme measures to get those abusing monsters out of your life .Stand strong and do what you have to do to heal !!!

Gus looks so cozy ❤️

A strong N. triggers all sort of emotions: anger, fear, defensivness, confusion, perplexity etc. Your moral compass shows you that this is not supposed to be. Your course is that it hurts when another person does not share the same priorities. You know that psychological pain in life is invitable and unavoidable. The concept of "Radical Acceptance" is coming to terms with matters that are morally and ethically inacceptable: * sometimes you are not able to be in control * some people in this world call evil good * masters at looking good even if they are deplorable * powers of persuasion may be inaffective * love does not always win in short term * accepting ugly facts without a temper tantrum * not being consumed by hate & bitterness * drop the notion that life should be fair * you refuse to park in the victim's role * victimization is not central to your identity * cease efforts to plead, persuade, coerce * you will not accept guilt, shame, devaluation * worth remains inherit in you * some people will never mature Certain Truth: 1. I have the circumstances that I have 2. There are some people I will never approve of 3. Those people are not ok and what they have done is not ok 4. I am limited, even after giving my best efforts 5. I am incapable of finding complete certainty 6. Sometimes life is loose-ended and mysterious 7. No one besides me is in charge of my character 8. Not having what I want on the outside does not negate what I carry on the inside => All I have is my today => One thing I always have: my integrity!!! Dr. Carter 👴 & Gus 🐶, thanks a lot for another insightful lesson from Texas

Still struggling with radical acceptance. It’s been a little over a year since my “final discard” and I find myself ruminating still. These videos help greatly, thank you 🙏🏽

I’ve never met anyone more self absorbed in my life than this last guy.

my 2 adult children turned out like my exhusb, all of them narcs and alcoholics. So hard to believe and believe I could not change it. Love could not cure this. Yes, accepting the ugly facts and not be consumed by bitterness and hate. Life is not fair. No longer being a victim. Enjoy all the other good stuff in my life.

Thank you, Les, for this timely and enlightening video. I really needed to hear this today. In fact I watched it twice and took notes. I felt like you were talking directly to me---every word applied to my situation. I am so appreciative of your time and energy for these sessions. God knows how much I needed to hear this and take it to heart. I truly believe God is guiding you with wisdom and discernment and I feel so fortunate that I found you. You are amazing and I feel like you are the life raft that has come to safely take me back to shore through the raging storm. May God continue to bless you and guide you.

This video is such good timing Dr C. I’m reading your book📖👍 “When Pleasing You is Killing Me” (slowly) and boy, so much resonates! I’m learning! Thanks so much Dr C🙏

This is probably the best video you have done, Bravo. I wish I had heard this 25 years ago. But hearing it today is good too. A thousand times thank you for this.

The past year has been me living with radical acceptance. I left my 42 year marriage, 6 months after I left he sent me flowers on the week of my 60th birthday. He killed himself 3 days later. Just weeks after I had left he filed a Will that gave our adult kids half of all our joint assets. No divorce papers had been filed. So today my relationship with two of my children is very strained. In the six months that I left he was able to make himself the victim in many peoples eyes. My father is a narcissist also and was trying to triangulate my kids away from me and side with their father so I terminated my relationship with him as well. Everyday I concentrate on who I am, know why I made every decision I made and would still make them today. That doesn’t mean there isn’t immeasurable pain sometimes, starting over at my age and having difficult relationships with your children is heartbreaking. My hope is that in time the strong emotions they have will soften. I am glad to see this video and am interested in more dealing with hard consequences of standing up for yourself. Five years ago I first learned of what I was caught up in when I watch one of your videos. I bought your books and others and learned all I could about covert narcissism. Thank you…

Is one thing that I always tell people, about narcissist is that... Me, Myself and I! For me is a simple way to say how the narcissist thinks about... others!

I am a new listener. You are exactly the person I needed! Healing is beginning starting tonight! God bless you!!♡

Yes, It Is Hard to accept, especially when your husband of total time together 22yrs Still Falsely accuses me of Ridiculous BS!!!

Your delivery is like a wise loving father giving their child advice. That could just be a personal thing for me given my age, but it is comforting non the less. Some other channels seem very sterile but you have a warm delivery

THANK YOU EVERDAY DR. CARTER AND GUS FOR YOUR EXPERTISE . YOU ARE HELPING SO MANY PEOPLE AND YOU HAVE GIVEN ME FOR SEVERAL YEARS TO CONTINUE MY GROWTH. I SEE THE "YI" IN THIS . Meaning in the Buddist sense righteous, meaning righteous actions. Narcissists never stop. AS YOU STATED THIS MORNING. RADICAL ACCEPTANCE . Much love to our world and humanity. We need it now.🌍❤

Hi Dr C and Gus. Radical acceptance prompted me to finally leave the narcissist. I’m blessed to have finally accepted the truth. Thank you for your time!

Shame. I feel like a chump for placing so much hope into a friendship that turned out to be fake and manipulative and hopeless. Someone who doled out friendship like it was a treat. The first I can recall someone repeatedly and insistently expressing interest when there was none. I feel like I've been teased.

I wish I'd radically accepted the facts long ago, but I kept trying to resolve and repair for too long. It never occurred to me that my mother was doing harm on purpose. I accept the losses now ... most painfully, of loved ones, and am free, but disconnected from relatives. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Reinhold Niebuhr

Thank you! Been struggling for years to move beyond the damage. Slowly I have moved closer, out of sheer survival, to begin to ‘radically accept,’ but the narcissistic continues through other means and by connecting with other toxic family members to destroy. I feel that it’s time to move far away in order to find the peace to truly let go and rediscover me.

This is truth, Dr C, thank you :). Reminds of the three A’s - awareness, acceptance (does not mean agreement) and action. It is painful but possible to work through horrible harm visited upon us and those whom we love. One aspect of acceptance is made extremely difficult in our culture though and that is the lack of acceptance and recognition of unavoidable suffering, that it can be honourable and meaningful. Here is a simplistic eg: a little child is abducted and is not recovered and returned to his/her parents and nothing can change the situation; the parents are grief stricken, powerless and know nothing about their child - is he alive or dead, safe or harmed etc? Nothing is known about the little one for the next year, the next ten years, the next twenty, thirty… Perhaps he/she will be found, perhaps not, perhaps traced but removed again, maybe, maybe not - and on it goes. There is no knowledge, no funeral, no justice, nothing but fantasies and hopes, despair and fears. The grief alone is complicated and difficult to endure over any length of time but especially for decades, for life, but then add in this: people say to them, “Aren’t you over that yet?! It’s in the past, you need to move on!”, signs of grief etc are judged be “victim thinking” and the like. What is in the past? The event of the abduction is in the past, true, but the consequences are still current in every moment of every day and it may never end, or it might, or not - only God knows. This situation happens far more often than most realise. It is possible to adjust and go on in life, to heal aspects of oneself in the situation, but the expectation to live beyond what is humanly possible is cruel and unrealistic. Some situations in life result in unavoidable suffering because life is not fair, people do call evil good, and evil evil but don’t care, the consequences having no “fix” in our perfectionistic, sweep-things-under-the-carpet society. What is needed is radical acceptance AND knowledge of how to live with suffering and find meaning in it, as opposed to people’s suffering being called victim hood and so on. Atm my biggest struggle and source of hair-trigger anger is when anyone minimises, dishonours and disrespects genuine, unavoidable, chronic suffering in spite of being corrected and informed of the situation’s unavoidable realities. It takes a special kind of self-centred, self-righteous pride to treat genuinely broken-hearted people’s suffering with contempt or flippancy rather than the respect, honour, encouragement or assistance people need in order to learn to live a dignified and meaningful life with the suffering. It is only now as I write that I have come to this realisation! God bless you, Dr C. Thank you. Here’s a hug each for you and Gus.

This makes me extremely sad. 😔

Thank you for your videos Dr. C. I keep finding myself feeling sorry for the narc and feeling guilty for leaving them(somehow). Your videos remind me that I made the right choice though. ❤️

This is so helpful. Dr C gives a clear description of what we have to accept and hard as it is we're not left with nothing. We're left with integrity which is precious and valuable.

You almost always nail it. We need to remember that most people get what they except, and get what they accept.

I got there....no more tantrums. Refusing bitterness. A lot of work but a prioritized foundation for me.

The timing of this video could not have been better. Over the weekend I had a major wobble. My wobble was based on one question ‘What if I made a mistake and got this person all wrong and I’m the assh*le?’ I worked through it via journaling and realised I was struggling with past programming from this relationship. It’s almost akin to Stockholm Syndrome, when you’re bonded to your abuser. I had to really dig deep to find some radical acceptance about myself, my narc and what I want my life to be like going forward. I’m back on my narc free track thankfully. Phew!

Gus is radically napping away all the Narcy's.