Best pilot joke I've ever heard 🎉

hm, the enemies may capture the waste, recycle them for their jet fuel:)

That's technically a bio-warfare war crime lmao

@@monandlon1 yup, one stinky business :)

@@laftiskuno1357 just realized my comment said "was crime" instead of "war crime". I hate auto correct

Lol😂😂😂

Facts 😂

😂

LOL eat some taco bell and you got nuclear warfare.

@@demonman1234 hahahahhahahaha

Much better method to assert dominance on the enemies

Can't have shit in Detroit.

If you’re that afraid you need Jesus or something. I been to Detroit many times. I almost moved there a couple years ago. Worst comes to worst you can go downtown. Downtown Detroit is cleaner and “nicer” than a lot of other middle or even major cities I been to and have done a good amount of traveling around the US. I didn’t see all of Detroit and I know there’s bad parts but there’s bad parts of all cities basically. I always tell people that those documentaries and videos that some people have seen are not representative of Detroit as a whole. Those people purposely drive to the parts of town with the abandoned and burnt down buildings and don’t show how nice downtown is or the other nice areas.

@@photosynthesis69 it’s just a joke, my dude.

@@photosynthesis69 no its a trap

Why not that's the best place to get a ration of crack

Tariq Khan....too funny, so true.

That's gross dude, don't bring your phone or ipad to take a dump. 💩😜

Mine has a bidet, also my bathroom floor tiles are bulletproof. I’m also sitting on it, but a bit cold, wish I had Installed one with a seat warmer. I should switch water supply to hot in the winter time.

Same. Lol

Same I’m not joking.

the rest will due what they due,,,, sit i n it and keep playing! lol kids play games, cool, when my age and cant pay bills but get the latest soon as hits the shelf! bs

As a gamer I'm a big fan of the Mountain Dew 2-liter bottle and funnel under the desk method.

Try one of those small wet vac!

@@darthslackus499 im not into coffee but i due the DEW!!! lol

And then you hear the news someone in China died playing 3 days straight.

you will start pissing hypersonic

There's no feeling quite like it, that kind of rush just isn't available for civies.

When a Fox #1, becomes a Fox #2

hahaha! Yeah, he didn't tell us how you go about dropping a duce. 😄💩

If you stop, it'll sting

@Max Spies wow. Did you watch the video too?

They need to be able to flex their legs and core muscles pretty hard for heavy G force. Is not ideal to have a full bladder during that.

@TheQuarterback:OutofthePocket lol 🤣

Just not possible, at some point in a pilots career they will have to use the bathroom while in flight. If major wars happen they will be on longer flights, and they'll already have the ariel urinating experience needed on the go.

I would just go In my pants “Dumb and Dumber” style

That would be funny to witness. Enemy; oh no we seem to have faeces smeared over our window

Lol

That’s really a shitty idea.

They did that in WW2 where Avro Lancaster Crews would crap into buckets and dispose of them during bombing runs through the hatch.

They have a device like that on the F22 Craptor...

With the probe controller in the 135 staring into his cockpit?

@@KevinJDildonik Hardly, but with other opportunities why bother? Not to mention keeping a fighter in tight and stable while taking on many pounds of fuel would, I think, demand the most attention you can give it. That is no place to fuck up, hmmm? Merry Christmas, mate. Be safe.

@@deltavee2 i don't think the pilot's wee-wee is visible to him

@@madwax4771 *Never* say that to a fighter pilot! *;-{)*

Somewhere someone is taking a piss in an airplane right now

lmao 🤣🤣

Who else is here at night?

It will get millins. everyone's getting recommended now, I think.

Yep, this was recommended after an Alex Honnold video about the same topic. 😄

Bro !!! Lol it's late night I don't even know how I got here

Welp... Almost there...

Would be easier if they could land on any available plot of land and just dump the load on a nearby tree.

This actually happens in Naval Aviation rarely if it's a true "emergency." A guy will ask to go around, land, run in and hit the head, then come back to the flight deck.

...only to find out his aircraft was stolen!

@@perseusarkouda but it is in army protection

He Returns to his , Plane ✈️ , Not it's plane ?!?!!!?!😱😳🤔🤔

They make the pilots do it

Pilots take care of their bags, the issue is when one bursts in flight and the jet codes out for it, THEN some poor airmen is probably cleaning it

@@haydensylva5452 that's a good point lol

@@haydensylva5452 Only the E-3s and below. 😁

@@PlasmaCoolantLeak yeah, airmen lol

sweat and piss starts flying everywhere.

Electronics go oh shit I’m outta here

Now you got to shit lol

HOW CAN YOU HEAR MISSILE DUDE? LMFAO

JVC DISPATCH there’s like a warning

🤣🤣🤣

He didn’t say anything about #2 or #3 😱😱😱

@JAG What is your problem? 😱😱😱🤬🤬🤬 The guy joked about #2 and I just mentioned the pilot didn’t say anything about what pilots do if they have to go #2/#3.

@JAG 🤣🤣🤣 you’re a douche bag

@JAG Why don’t you STFU 🤬🤬🤬 Jerkoff a**hole!!!

WOW

Hold on tanker i need to stuff a bag up my ass to take a big shit

I think there is this large handle which you would have to pull on with both hands or otherwise is not mistaken for that

Launched into the air at 20,000 feet with your dong hanging out while a multi million dollar jet goes crashing to the ground......good times.

@@bobbycone2 your comment should get 1 million likes lol

@@bobbycone2 lmfao

Yup, shoot down a MIG and then lay some cable...

@JAG it’s just a Joke

@JAG you have to remember this is KZfaq, not Harvard or Princeton - oh but yes they would be into that humour too!!!

I read a story once about a P-38 pilot flying bomber escort in WW2 that had to go real bad.The P-38's cockpit heater wasn't real good,and his BM froze on the way back.I would call that one pretty epic.

@JAG grow up!? That's a legit question. What do you do you do with a number "2" call.

Hope your childhood road trips were better than mine. Me: "Dad, stop I'm busting!" Dad: ....just keeps driving. ...10mins later... Mum: Are you going to stop, he has to go!! Dad: ... "There's a town coming up in 100kms." ....and hands me a rubber band.

@@johno9507 mine would pass me a bottle. One of those skinny coke bottles usually. Always had to hope you judged volume well.

@@johno9507 I would tell my dad "I've gotta pee" and in his wisdom he tried to do a Jedi mind trick (long before Star Wars) "no you don't" #DadFail

My dad would just pull over and then my mom would open the passenger doors and I’d pee between the doors.

Doesn’t everybody already say that they gotta piss like a race horse when they have to pee on a road trip?!

Peeception.

I'm a little confused on how this occurs in a F16. The 16 has a side stick control (as does the 35), so what you are describing doesn't really make sense to me. I could see thos in something with a center stick such as the 18.

I knew you were full of shit from the first sentence.

they'd probably need a she wee

What happened to equality

Where did equality go?

@@Flyingwalrus42 there's never been such thing called gender equality and never will be

Depends...

What does that even mean 🤣

@@Thros1 Whay are you asking dumb qestion?

Such questions are not supposed to ask with a nerve, rookie.

@@Archer28M how do can your nerves be so non existent that you can't ask a question over the internet, maybe use your brain!

Go to quora it's been asked 50 million times lol

Gareth Cook, and you know this how?

@@gavnonadoroge3092 Read it on Quora.

@@gavnonadoroge3092 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sukhoi_Su-34: 'Compared to other members of the Flanker family, the Su-34 has an entirely new "Duckbill" nose and forward fuselage designed to increase cabin room and maximize crew comfort and safety, giving the Su-34 the nickname "Duckling", "Hellduck" or "Platypus".The two pilots sit side-by-side in NPP Zvezda K-36dm ejection seats: the pilot-commander on the left with the navigator and weapon operator on the right. An advantage of the side by side cockpit is that duplicate instruments are not required for each pilot. Since long missions require comfort, the pressurization system allows operation up to 10,000 metres (32,800 ft) without oxygen masks, which are available for emergencies and combat situations. The crew members have room to stand and move about the cabin during long missions.The space between the seats allows them to lie down, if necessary.A hand-held urinal "toilet" and vacuum flask "kitchen" are provided'

@@gavnonadoroge3092 Whether it's the internet or books, reading text opens many doors. You are welcome. Have a nice day.

Stick ta wholefoods :3

Sorry to hear that. They've made the F-35 cockpit bigger, to accommodate both larger and smaller pilots

@@HasardLee You gotta be kidding me right!😕🤣 Well, if I could only turn back the HANDS of TIME Sir but, GOD BLESS YOU and thank you soo much for the reply! 🙂🙏🏽👌🏾👍🏾💪🏾💛💯

@@orlandoengland9184 I know how you feel, spent a week as a 16 year at RAF Cranwell for work experience back in 1998, dreamed of being a fighter pilot all my life, and was told I’m too tall to ever be a pilot, one of the worst days of my life. I’m 6’5 and saw my height as a curse for a long time after that.

@@simonpeart7981 Indeed Sir, I'm so sorry to hear this and yes, it was quite HEARTBREAKING news but, I guess some things aren't meant to be in life. I STILL love to go to the air shows and fantasize about what could have been though. 😄👌🏾👍🏾💛💯 However, you have a good day my friend and be BLESSED!🙏🏽😇

@@orlandoengland9184 who told you that you are too tall and big to become a fighter pilot? The recruiter?

Dcs ?

that would be a pretty shitty fight wouldn't it?

Badum crash

If that how they do it in space then why not on air

LMFAO 🤣🤣

I’m drinkin beer wondering if I’ll make it to the end of this video.

Kevin Wakli Fitness. We love you, too!

Love to you and Kenya

Thank you. Please emigrate to the USA. We need people like you.

We love you too!

dude you’re swollen

Only NASA sends astronauts up in adult diapers. As a nurse I can tell you those things can hold gallons and still feel dry. But nobody wears one as its not macho enough.

Who would win An over engineered bag that takes away the pilot’s attention increasing the risks of death OR One diaper boi

@@souloftheage Diapers are a common product bought by the Marines.

Yeah but who wants to go thousands of mph with shit smeared up their ass ? Lol

Imagine the enemy shooting down a plane and discovering the pilot is wearing a diaper...

Honest question, so you feel good about US intervention in your country?

@@litamtondy I have it had its pros and cons. I don’t really watch the news but I hear people saying that the U.S. was involved with providing the talibans with weapons and things like that. But the pro side was the the U.S. also helped clear most talibans in Afghanistan but after the left Afghanistan, the talibans rose back to power especially this year.

What a straight based chad

hahaha No toilet blijat captialsit jet

the su34 in reality doesn't have the bathroom, the TU95 does

SU-34 doesn't really have a bathroom. It has a pisstube which is better than nothing

They have a tea kettle too.

LOL!

I mean then again they are in a jet that can go super fast and they probably get an oh shit moment every so often which makes em shit themselves so

Look up a company called Brief Relief. We use them working for the power company when we are in the field.

Youre only pulling a lot of g force when maneuvering and when youre peeing youre Just maintaining altitude hence you can hold it easily

@@WinkelmanSM-3 But you can only pee on your own time when refueling. Moreover, what about number 2?

@@nikhilsharma1326 you pee after refueling and number 2 isnt possible

@@nikhilsharma1326 bro just pissing is hard I don’t think shitting is possible lol

They recycle it and then push it out the final time when they get back

There’s a video of pilot going #2 in his suit and he canceled the mission and returned to base.

They open the canopy and spread the buttcheeks out

If you are a normal human being you only have to poop once every 24 or more hours so just poop before a flight because you know when you go flying so you have enough time It’s not ww2 where you can be shitting on the toilet and the the bell rings because some nazis thought it would be funny to bomb some civilians

I think I missed it to but I really wished that the seat was a toilet and it reticle the poop and launch at there enemy targets to blind them with turd on there windshield

You watch mover too, nice.

@Kevin Tanos, @Hero’s Journey, whoah! We’ve go ourselves some Mover moochers. Nice 😁👍🏽.

@@eliaskaser220 moochers?

Must be awful to be woke all the time

And you think your comment is hilarious?

how do fighter pilots use the bathroom? To quote Iron Man... "Like that"