This is amazing! I have never heard of this until I just watched your video. I really suffered with this and other forms of OCD 6.5 years ago with my husband. It began on our honeymoon! I ended up going to hospital for 2 week. I felt so alone because everyone just thinks you are just really jealous but it was so much bigger than that. The questions, interrogating my husband and need to find certainty and comfort from his answers was all consuming. It was there except for when I was asleep and it even effected that. I am so happy to say we are in a really good, safe and happy place together that I never in a million years would have thought was possible back then. It took medication, personal therapy, couples therapy, time and a lot of determination and brain training to get to this point but it has been so worth it. Im not free of ocd completely but I can honestly say I feel free of the relationship/retrospective ocd. Not to say nothing upsets me or will upset me or that I don't get thoughts but they are rare and don't control me anymore or fill me with gut wrenching fear/discomfort that they used to. Thank you SO much for this video and expressing what I felt for so long. It is so amazing to finally have some clarity on what I went through re the jealousy side of my ocd. Xx

I specialise in treating Retroactive Jealousy and you have a very good handle on it. I loved how you said, “You will know more about your partner’s past than they do”! Many a true word spoken in jest

Amazing video, so profound and empathetic, thank you!

There are a lot of video's of people explaining the disorder or sufferers, hardly any victim of it coming online and saying, "my partner overcame his/her RJ.." I guess because people mostly don't overcome it! It might be demonic oppression, and the sufferer has to accept responsibility. They often don't.

Very useful and informative, thanks!

Thanku very much Kristy. This was very helpful for me..... :)

Thank you Kristy

Now imagine Kirsty, what its like to be rocd with person with narcisistic traits, borderliner who brags about their numerous sexual escapades, telling you are not that beautiful or good in sex.Imagine that pain, after all that love bombing.Ego is crushed.Because he puts you first on pedestal.And when you try to leave, then he triangulates.But I agree with video, just want to say that those people played with our ego on purpose.

Hi Kirsty, thank you for your thoughts on this subject. I relate to all you’ve said about ex’s past especially the sense of them having had a deeper connection that feels like an ongoing ‘threat’ in the background, a relationship not fully played out that could re-appear. I find it SO difficult to feel any relief from disputing my beliefs. I just can’t FEEL ‘ok’ after telling myself I would be with different worst case scenarios. I also spend lots of time & frantic energy searching for information & affirmation (a magic bullet as you say). Need to recognise this as a compulsion. Just don’t know how to get over/past my blocks with the IBs. It’s like my panicked, survival brain just can’t accept the new rational words. What would you advise? Just keep saying it anyway..does that do any good (fake it til you make it kind of thing)? Thanks so much for your kind support & insights. x

Hi! So ERP with retroactive jealousy, today I noted down a trigger- a one night stand for example. I then forced myself to get triggered by thinking of it, I then sat with it and tried not to respond or explore the thought etc, is this correct way to do ERP for retroactive jealousy? Thanks.