Babe are you okay? You've barely touched your 87 nails and 7 push pins 🥺

Throwing in “would you like another nail? 🥺” was absolutely god tier Kurtis you fucking won KZfaq

i had no idea taunting highway lions was illegal i've been doing it for decades

I really appreciate the accuracy of how uncomfortable it is to think of what to say when someone knocks on the door in a public bathroom.

As a Home Depot employee I can confirm that's literally what training videos are like

Don’t worry guys, he’s compromising for shaving his moustache off by growing his mullet until he looks like a country Rapunzel

I used to work at Home Depot and I can confirm, whenever someone got their ass glued to a toilet we all had to drop whatever we were doing to go watch or else we'd be fired

I was removed from a sex ed seminar (6th grade) because they tried to tell us you could get aids by just touching someone with it. I was pissed. My cousin has had aids for a very long time and I knew how wrong that was. I threw a fit and once my parents found out why, they did the same. The next year they updated their curriculum apparently to promote facts. But I have to state that these videos were unhinged. The animation was wild. It was like watching Street Sharks teaching sexually transmitted diseases. It was not Jawsome. My uncle is still alive and doing well. He was one of the few who was given the, as he calls it, “magic cocktail” when they were testing out various medications. He’s happy, has a fab husband, owns an art gallery, and still lives in his home state of South Dakota. Surprisingly the town he lives in all the residents are so very understanding and not judgmental. This is jawsome. Sorry this was random but it reminded me of the stupid safety videos and seminars they made us watch. Also this happened in the early 90s at a US public school. Also, anytime my bestie smokes weed, he’s gotta shit. So there’s that. 🎉JAWSOME🎉

The woman who created Gert and Burt, the "Stay Alert, Stay Safe" bunnies was a Canadian mom whose child got kidnapped and eventually was found murdered, possibly killed by a serial child predator. She created the bunny safety mascots to teach children about being safe in various circumstances where they might encounter strangers without having a trusted adult around. Her hope was to prevent what happened to her child from happening to any others.

"safety village" sounds like the most violently canadian thing I've ever heard

i work at home depot and i cannot overstate how hard you nailed that employee video

I like how it’s so specifically 87 nails as if swallowing 86 nails would be perfectly healthy.

this tiktok account is the embodiment of my anxiety. Just "Be Careful!" and nonsensical scenarios that will never happen playing out repeatedly

Idk where to say this so I'll just put this here. I had a dream last night that Kurtis uploaded a new video called "Does Danny Gonzalez Like Farts?" And the thumbnail is Kurtis kinda shrugging and Danny is bald and looking confused. And I still want to watch this fictional vid

There was a safety place like that near me that everyone went to the summer before first grade, and they gave you a little diploma at the end of the week. I remember them showing us videos of things like a girl running on a pool deck, only to slip, fall, and break both legs. That week scarred me for life.

Canadian Parliament: "Who can we get to teach kids that talking to strangers is bad?" Mustached Kurtis: "I'm your huckleberry."

If I said I didn’t audibly scream after that Goat Story reference, I’d be lying...

As a former home depot employee I can confirm that watching people get their asses ripped from toilet seats is a daily part of the job

Actually, the man who ate 87 nails and 7 push pins didn’t eat them after an argument. The Doctors who removed them therorised he did it because he was suicidal after getting into a fight with his girlfriend.

Smoke actually calms bees down, so the people from the house fire skit are actually pretty safe in terms of bees. My mom keeps some bees and she has this fancy thing for releasing smoke at the bees before she handles them. (I'm not terribly knowledgeable because I am afraid of the bees regardless.)

The 'stache comes and goes, BUT THE MULLET IS FOREVER

Kurtis could literally be anywhere between 16 and 30 years old.

I was so scared of that 2nd story that I didn’t swallow my 87 nails and 7 push pins for weeks afterwards

So after rewatching this video for the umpteenth time, I got curious about some of these weirdly specific ones, like the 87 nails or the home depot toilet, and they are actually news stories. The nails one happened in China, the bees one was in Los Angeles, and the woman in the Home Depot clip actually looks kinda like the real woman who ended up suing Home Depot. I'm starting to think all of these are based on real stories...

Fyi: Former Home Depot employee here and the ass glued to a crapper situation actually happened. A "prankster" got clear industrial adhesive from the aisle and a different customer then went in some time later and got stuck. The poor bastard was older so I think he just wasnt strong enough to get up before the glue set. Fire and ambulance came and had to shut off water system, unbolt the toilet with him attached, then trot him thru the store and into ambulance.

The Katy from Goat Story cameo was revolutionary

8:56 “Us two.” But there’s four. *THERE’S FOUR.*

I can’t believe kurtis has eaten 262k nails (and 7 push pins)

we may have lost the mustache but we still have the mullet and that’s what really matters

remember: if your partner says they will swallow 87 nails and 7 push pins if you break up w them, do it anyway bc they have leenbibles to teach them how to be safe

I’m crying. It’s almost 4:30am. This video is genius

Not Kurtis being the youngest man alive and Kurtis’s knees begging to differ 😭

Dude all I’m gonna say is that Kurtis’ jokes slap way harder when you haven’t slept in two days, like imagine being hella sleep deprived and getting shown a video of an imaginary old lady opening her trunk to find a swarm of bees.

My eight year old cousin came in and said “who’s the Rat Man?” and pointed at Kurtis and everyone in the grocery store started clapping. Merry Christmas!

9:56, things like that have actually happened before, except for the home depot employees. in a mcdonald’s some teenagers put super glue onto a toilet seat and a little girl got stuck to it. she ended up in the hospital after most of the skin on her butt got ripped off and having chemical burns from the glue

I hope we get a part 2 soon… I keep rewatching this video bc it kills me😂

These tiktoks are visual representations of my anxiety thinking of every worst case scenario

If Prince Philip was still alive, this video would've killed him instantly

I keep coming back to this video just to see his reaction to 13:44 it kills me every single time😭😭

"...eh..whh...fuckin...pardon??...man??" Your reaction to the 🍁 one was so perfect🤣

The Home Depot employees rushing to gawk at the person glued to a toilet seat in the bathroom is the most realistic part of everything

the trick to avoid a fire is to stay perfectly still and wait until it goes away

That Home Depot film bit would be considered horror nowadays.

I had a safety village field trip once, that shit was terrifying. there was a scenario where a little kid celebrates their Barbies birthday, but they leave a candle lit and run off. then it's dark, there's red and pink led lights and smoke machines and loud shit everywhere. it was terrifying for me as a 2nd grader it was probably nothing

"be careful, man swallows 87 nails and 7 push-pins" sounds like some kind of ominous math problem

Ngl that knocking while you're on the toilet bit is genuinely a scary premise. Like if you kept saying "occupied" but the knocking doesn't stop 😭😭😭

I FORGOT ABOUT SAFETY VILLAGE UNTIL THIS MOMENT OMG

7:33 THE GOAT STORY REFERENCE HOLY SHIT THIS MAN IS A GENUIS

I literally can never predict the direction of any one of Kurtis’ sketches, it’s so wild how every single one just takes such a left turn lmao

”be careful” almost sounds like a threat now

kurtis i know you probably arent going to see this comment but i legitimately appreciate the extra greeting, it was one of the main things that made me subscribe

I watch this video everytime I see it in my reccomeneds and it never misses

hey kurtis i had dream where i told you a joke and you didn’t laugh, that really hurt my feelings kurtis

Kurtis without a mustache makes him look even younger he's gaining more power.

Coming back to this video 2 years later, the 87 nails and 7 push pins thing was actually a real thing that happened in china, the dude just did that in a fit of rage after fighting w his gf. Still a crazy psa

LMAO WHEN THE "WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER NAIL" GIRL POPPED OUT I LOST IT I WASNT EXPECTING THAT WHEN YOU SAID THE NEW GIRL WANTED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING

It's just like anxiety. "Be careful." "Of what?" "Idk, just be careful."

why is no one talking abt the fact that the nails were in the guy’s lungs and not his stomach????? lmao

I am a Home Depot employee and I can confirm all of this is true

I feel crazy because I 1000% remember these exact type of videos on KZfaq years ago. It’s literally the same animation style too! It was an account that would animate the most out of pocket news stories. I still remember the one of a dude in Walmart who just grabbed a knife and started cutting himself. The fact I haven’t seen anyone point this out makes me feel like I imagined them 😭

The one with the guy swallowing 87 nails.....it was so realistic, they really nailed it.

ok admit it, that was a smooth transition to the reference to Goat Story

"Would you like.....anothah naeil?" "Sure! *Fucking dies* "

You don’t know what I would do to watch this for the first time again.

i have no clue how kurtis *somehow* manages to incorporate goat story into his videos. a real genius

had fun watching this while snacking on my 87 nails and 7 push pins.

Honestly, taking a good drag then screaming my lungs out for one sec sounds very relieving, like relaxing. Can learn a lot from that video. Lmao

IM BEGGING FOR A PART 2

The idea of Kurtis’ record time speed run in a public bathroom being 11 minutes is hysterical

I almost died out of laughter, Kurtis, why didn’t you put a “be careful” warning? Do you want to kill your citizens?

2:25 we have something like safety village here in texas, it’s called safety city and it’s the same concept except they did a fake fire while you were in a room, still haunts me

I like how the scenario with the smoke-screaming/poop-smearing guy was the only video where the Home Depot employees didn’t burst in. Like even they didn’t wanna subject themselves to that.

rest in peace kurtis’s moustache, you would have loved fearless (taylor’s version)

These puns makes me want to swallow 87 nails and 7 push pins while being glued to a toilet seat. Bee careful guys

Watching this now I completely forgot about the extra greeting… it’s been so long lol

I lived in Canada for a few years in elementary school and Safety Village was always the most exiting day of the year.

I love how Kurtis looks equally ashamed and super excited right before he makes a terrible joke

Everybody is talking about Kurtis shaving his mustache, but did anybody else get flashbacks when the girl from the weird goat movie popped up in the skit????

2:10 …I audibly said “oh my god” in such a disappointed tone 😭

"You can be careful and still have horrible things happen, just ask my parents."- Kurtis Conner, 2021

I'm low-key convinced that these safety tik toks were meant as elite humour but the joke just went over all of our heads...

"i'm the youngest man alive", having a knee crack 30 seconds later😂

This is the most criminally underrated Kurtis Conner video. Literally his obra maestra, and it's a video about heckin. Safety Tiktoks.

I hope Kurtistown has a lot of highway lions. Best highway feature ever

all kurtis wanted to do was dance like a sway boy but his bones just decided to sound like a fresh bowl of rice krispies on a Saturday morning

i like to believe they’re not even at a home depot. there isn’t a home depot for miles. but when there is someone stuck on a toilet... they come

Just found out that the man who ate 87 nails and 7 push pins was an actual case. Bro was really going through something 💀

13:43 Kurt when he's handcuffed for the holidays

I'm always amazed at how he can keep jokes recurring but never make them boring

Man, don't you just hate it when you're in a heated discussion with your neighbor, and he just conjures two fully loaded and cocked crossbows?

Kurtis is literally the most Canadian person I’ve ever seen online.

Bro has to swallow 266,000 nails with 1,862,000 push pins 💀

that home depot horror segment is pure and unmatched art

if you get stuck to a toilet seat because you didn’t check and make sure there’s not super glue, piss, or shit on it, then you deserve to sit there until the end of time.

That home depot employee skit scared the shit out of me im not ashamed to admit

always be careful when diving to avoid delta p situations

manifesting kurtis being on SNL one day, these sketches are 87/10

A goat story callback? A fresh faced Kurtis? What did we ever do to deserve this? 😩🙏🏻

I love when kurtis brings all jokes together by the end

Omg. I never wanted this particular KC video to end. I think those "safety videos" are clearly meant to have nothing to do with safety and everything to do with sheer genius hilarity and truly amazing and inspired computer animation. Seriously, that stuff was enlightened comedy. Throw Kurtis' usual grade-A snark and acting and editing and punning and...epic video.