"He just didnt want to do chores". Bro same💀😂

Why am I a 23 year old single male so fascinated by this topic 😳

I love the allowance system. It's so important to learn how to save money and to learn what happens if you spend all your money on small things vs saving up. I think people underestimate how much getting an allowance helps kids to learn how to manage money as they get older.

I love the way you approach rules. General categories and working with each child. Each child is different and has different traumas and behaviors so I love that you tailor your rules to the kids instead of a standard across all of the kids. You really do set the kids up for success and I think that is a wonderful way to parent!

Teaching them the life skills and responsibilities of being self sufficient is a great gift to give them

Mr. B trying to get out of having a chore made me laugh, at least he's being a smart negotiator! ;) But they all sound very lovely and helpful over all.

I love how you lit up when talking about the 6 year old.

I’m definitely a fan of the overarching rules system. A summer camp a went to as a kid and still so some volunteer work at only has 3 big rules that encompass everything. It’s so much easier to remember a few big rules then a ton of smaller rules and also makes it harder for kids to find loopholes

Love your morals and parenting style

I LOVE the way you and John go about the rules, chores, etc. by getting to know the children at first and not overwhelming them the moment they get in the door. I think your way should be standard.

Commented for the first time the other day and now I am commenting on every video! I am so grateful that the little ones in my care (4 and 5 year old) love helping so much. I used to struggle to get them to go play while i cleaned the kitchen and they didn't want to (or know how to) play independently so they would just fight or scream. Now I just give them little tasks like throwing things in the compost or wiping down the placemats and even if they are not super effective at the chore, it keeps them engaged and happy and they enjoy being in the same room as me. The 5 year old has started thanking me for washing dishes and while I don't expect praise, it's super sweet. He was soooo proud of himself when he was allowed to help me take out the recycling.

When I was in foster care I was "allowed" to not sleep in the shed (her punishment for anything really, she had already shaved my then hip long hair off). No allowance ever for me! I was 8 years old and reseeding her yard with grass...that I was very much allergic to. She didn't even take me to the doctor the lady across from her called 911 because I was turning blue in the driveway. She still got me back >.< I was stuck with that woman for 14 years.... I really appreciate you caring for these babies the way you do!

That’s awesome. When I was in foster care they had a long list of all these rules and it was so overwhelming and felt like chores, school, homework, chores. Bedtjme.

I think that a having a sense of accomplishment and contribution to a family or community can be a huge confidence boost for kids.

after watching your channel from the beginning and being only 19, every video just clarifies my decision to be a case manager & future foster mom, thank you for all that you do & sharing this information really helps a lot of us aspiring to do the same things one day🤍

We give a point everytime they complete their chore (or when we catch them doing something extra/kind). They can trade in their points when they have enough, but it is only for relationship-based activities, such as a hot-chocolate date, dinner date, or bowling date. They can choose which foster parent they want their date with. This reinforces attachment and we aren't handing out money that would be used on more plastic toys or sugar. With older kids, blending points with money would be valuable to teach them how to manage money.

Video has been uploaded for 57 seconds and I’m already here 😅

This is such a consistent yet flexible way to implement rules with new foster kids! Love it 🥰💕 I dont know why I'm so interested and invested in your channel, I'm 21 and I still live at home 🙈🤣

I love that you are a stable family for these children.

I'm 22 and though I am young, I have been trying to learn about fostering and adoption so that I may be able to start the process of becoming a foster mom (and hopefully adopt too!) sometime in the next 5 years. Your channel has given me so much guidance and perspective, and has really solidified the idea of fostering for me. I truly feel like it is something I am meant to do, but I want to do it right and with a the best situation I can provide, and I have thought very carefully about this and your videos really help. I love the idea of gradually incorporating rules from a trauma informed perspective. I can tell you both truly care about the kids entering your home, and I thank you for that. I hope the transition to a family of 7 continues to go smoothly for you all! Thank you so much for providing a foster parent's perspective and showing what it means to be a healthy foster family! -Mari

We have four rules: 1) Respect each other. 2) Respect the dog. 3) No means no. 4) "Mom" and "Dad' have the final say. We have a four year old right now and these seem to work great for her though we do add other little things in day by day the more we get to know her.

You know what might be something cool you can have all the kids do is make dream boards. Statistics show you are 62% (strange number I know) more likely to make it happen when you write things down. It does work and it would be interesting to see what they put on it.

I love and appreciate that you not only outlined how you do things, but why and gave examples. The examples really complete it.

I’ve been waiting for this! On your last video where you touched on this, i totally took a screenshot of the rules, daily routine, and chores!

This is amazing! This is what we do for our family!!

This is such a great way to approach this! The allowance part is great, too.

I see all of them as your kids because you are doing a great job making everyone part of the family unit.

Love your approach to getting new foster kids! Rules and structure is important

So happy you uploaded again! I’m so curious as to how things are going with so many kids. From 2 children to 5 in an instant! ❤️

You're such a good parent. All the kids, bio or kiddos who came to you, are going to be set up for such independence and self-pride as you help them build these skills. They'll see that they are capable, appreciated, and truly a part of a family unit. Love it. And I totally agree with the allowance thing. My parents did it similarly, and it's made me really value my money. I have such good budgetting skills as an adult because of this. :)

Love your rules!

I love how you made the rules easy to understand. One can really see how much you care and that you really thought about how they can profit from this!!

Absolutly love this. My husband and I are currently in the process to become foster to adopt parents and we absolutly love your videos!! Thank you!!. :)

I love the way you approach rules in your home! Its easy to understand, stable, and predictable. I think letting kids have an allowance is important, so they can learn how to spend it or save it, etc. I never had any money till I got my first job so I had to learn all that the hard way.

I love this and how positive you are about chores and allowances ! as an adult I struggle getting in the habit of doing certain things like laundry and making the bed because when I was raised chores were presented more as punishment / busy work rather than for a purpose of pulling your own weight in a shared space in a fair way. I would have probably loved to do chores are your house as a kid !

Never been this early! Love that you observe first and then adapt! You guys are so awesome!

I love your rules. Great video!

Yasss to taking a trauma-informed approach❤️

I really love how y'all do things. The chores, the allowance, the rules. I think it teaches such important life lessons, when given chores beginning at a young age. And allowance teaches them about money. So many kids now days have not a clue how much things cost, how to save for certain things. And I have seen entirely too many teens and young adults who had every thing done for them who move out and have no clue how to properly clean, cook, do laundry. My daughter helped me cook, so she is now a good cook as a young adult. She learned money management at a young age as well. And picking up after yourself should be taught to all kids.

You and John are awesome

How are Darcy and Sawyer handling the increase in kids? Love your channel

This was very interesting to watch. It's really sweet how you really care about those kiddos and make sure that they are comfortable before throwing rules and chores in their faces. I was an exchange student in the USA and my first hostfamily gave me chores right away but didn't really talk to me or try to get to know me better so it felt awkward and not very welcoming. I like your way of approaching things, it's much more sensitive.

You’re good people.

I love when you give us parenting videos because our parenting style is so similar you have the best ideas! Stealing the allowance for your age tip! We will see how that goes

From what I can tell on your videos, you both have a quality that is essential in working with children of any age. You genuinely respect them as human beings, first and foremost and regardless of their situation. Without that, there’s no foundation to accomplish anything, other than house them. Your limited rules are basically what I implemented during my teaching career, except I had just one: Do no harm. I figured if it was good for doctors, it’s good for the classroom. Students were quite adept at being able to explain how their behaviors may have broken this cardinal rule, even if it was doing harm only to themselves.

I love your parenting style.

It is smart that you acknowledged only listing rules that are challenges/ opportunities. I would be tempted to list everything possible but this makes it more consumable!

I like the way you have your chores and responsibilities set up. My dad said when he was growing up his allowance was a roof over his head, clothes, and food on the table. I understand that logic also though. I'm 30 years old and live with my parents. So I still help out, typically cleaning the bathroom and washing towels. I'm lazy though so I have to motivate myself LOL! In my opinion I clean it best out of anyone in our house! I am going to buy a swiffer wet jet mop though and have to find one of those bubble things you put in the bath tub so I don't have to crawl on my hands and knees to clean the floor and the tub.

These rules should be in all homes. Great rules.

U just stumbled appon your channel. My husband and I are just starting the process of getting certified her in Oregon. Your video have been very helpful.

I like how you do your chores and responsibilities on the child! So many are not used to that they could of been just told to do it! Nice of you to discuss it with them. Good idea on the allowance! Plus seems really fare. I know if foster kids that were expected to do all the chores and families kids did none! (And families kids were as old or older than foster kids! I was never so glad the kids got moved! They were one of my son’s friends . Plenty of folks saw it and let the work know! She stopped by unannounced and saw for herself. Thank goodness. Because those kids were really good kids that were just in a bad season at there hone.

Hey, I definitely think it's the right approach for younger kids. But from personal experience (not foster care, but staying with other Families for up to a year) it gave me a lot of security if the Families told me the rules straight away. Maybe something to consider for older children (teens). Hope you carry on doing this wonderful job :) All the best to you and your lovely family :)

We do allowances exactly the same way! We also have frequent extra chores for money, like washing the car.

How do you deal with mental health? Have you had any concerns with this topic/do you have mental health days?

I don’t know if this is a good idea but if kids want to go further out I’ve seen people use long range walkie talkies. I love that you use large encompassing rules vs. many nitty gritty ones

Great video

It’s so clear how much thought you put into these things! If the kids stay with you for a little while, will the chores change as they get older? I’d imagine they would I’m just curious about your take on how to navigate that

Im adopted and my A mom wasn't really around and didn't want to be cuz of I guess our adopted behaviors. We never got the structure guidance and lessons. Honestly after research and life and all that thw structure scheduling task etc are mega important for an adoptee it helps us feel grounded in the world and productive and teaches us responsibility

I really wish I had a foster family like you growing up 🥺

Question: if a older foster child has a phone are they allowed to call their parents if and when they want?

This is a system that is not gonna work for me persoon, but I wanted to say that I still appreciate you sharing it, because it is just as helpful to learn what won't work for a specific situation as it is to learn what will work. Edit: And that is not to say that it is a bad list or that it can't work for other people, it just says it doesn't suite my particular situation

If you have a kid or teen with ADD or ADHD the clean room is much more difficult. how would you do the rules w something like this?

Thank you for sharing these informative tips. It would be appreciated if you could say something about how you handle it, if a kid is constantly doing the chores incorrectly or not doing them at all? Having in mind that the chores have been adapted to the ability of the child.

The main rule with my foster teen is no social media or electronics other then T.V. and laptop for homework. Behaviors have been way better and haven’t ran away in 4 week! I feel bad that I have this rule even though it’s needed for my teen.

I didn’t have an allowance growing up so it hadn’t occurred to me that it might be mandatory in some areas for foster kids. It’s good food for though since were hoping to start the process to become foster parents next year.

I would love to hear how you talk to the teens about technology.

This all sounds great, and very well thought-out. I was just wondering, though; how do you handle it when you have two or more different foster kids at once, with different needs, abilities, and backgrounds? Like, suppose you have a family rule about closing the door when changing clothes, bathing/showering, et cetera, but one child is scared to do that, because they were abused behind closed doors in a previous home? Or, what if one child has a birth parent or another relative who buys them more for birthdays, holidays, and other occasions, and it feels unfair to the other kids? Or, I read somewhere that if a foster child asks for a long-lasting body modification; even something as simple as getting their ears pierced, then the answer has to be "no," unless you get permission from their birth parents. But, again, wouldn't that feel unfair to them if another child arrived with pierced ears, or if Darcy asked to have it done, and you were able to say "yes?" I love the way you understand that "fair" isn't always identical for all the kids, but how do you handle it when doing the right thing appears unfair to them for no good reason?

Could you do a video on what the state covers for foster kids? Chores also give children a sense of accomplishment.

I LOVE that you call out that rules are the same for all the kids. I worked respite with families who had adults in their home who were developmentally disabled and it always frustrated me to no end when they would come to my house and talk about how rules were different or they had different expectations. One of the ones that really made me mad was that they were expected to use the money they got from the state to essentially buy their own Christmas and birthday gifts. In my mind, there should be no difference between the kids placed with you and your own kids regarding how they are treated. If you wouldn’t treat your own children that way, they shouldn’t be treated that way either. Can you elaborate more on the mandatory vs not mandatory allowances, is this something set by the state, agency, etc? As I watch your videos I understand more and more that there is a difference between someone who is running a foster home (for lack of a better word) and a foster parent. A foster home is just a house/home that takes the kids because there is a need. A foster parent is a PARENT, someone who teaches life skills and things they can take with them regardless of what happens. You’re definitely foster parents and I love you for that.

This is awesome. Growing up I never even got a verbal thank you when I did my chores or even if I did extra to help out. My friends would get allowance and I was always jealous of that. I’m a huge believer in allowance because it teaches sooooo many valuable life lessons. Thanks for another great video loaded with valuable info!! Do you think in time we might see the kids more in the videos or is their situation/preferences/age just make it best you keep them mostly off camera? Either way, can’t wait for your next video.

Do you think it’s ever confusing for Darcy with the changing of the rules or because the overall rules are so encompassing theres little to no difference?

Thank you so much for another awesome video! You might cover this in another video, or maybe it isn't necessarily something you want to talk about, but as someone who wants to start getting certified soon, I'm curious how discipline works. You have these awesome rules and really do set the kids up for success, but I'm just curious what happens if someone doesn't follow the rules, how does one handle that? ❤️😊

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How do you balance surprising kids w a bonus for helping out and preventing kids from expecting to get "paid" every time they do something extra or a good deed?

I have to fosters who are much more money savvy as this relates to the activities that led the parents to have the children in foster care. How do you handle money when a child has threatened to run away and has many family members in the neighborhood, although not suitable for being a safe foster home.

Love the channel and u guys. Just wondering how often do they get allowns. Jus interested

How do you approach makeup with older kids who are wanting to use it? Is that something they cover as part of their allowance or is it something you're willing to contribute to given that it's something of an essential? Love your videos 💕

Do you have a printable for these? I would really love to introduce a similar system in my house.

Do you guys have the overarching rules up from the start or is there like a point at which you have a sit down meeting about them? I’m just curious how the take it slow approach works in practice

What is your opinion about bunk beds my wife is a Foster mom she's thinking of getting bunk beds that cage are 5 and 4 she wants to get rid of the toddler beds

Is there a way that you can donate a lesser amounts towards a foster kids wish? I wanted to help towards a specific wish that I saw on your page but I'm still in college myself so I can't afford to grant the whole wish but I'd still love to help. Thank you in advance for you help and thank you for all that you do!

We approach the "rules" similarly. Basically; respect, we use kind words, we use gentle hands (ie. No hitting), we tell the truth, we say sorry. We are relaxed. We get to know the kids & go from there. Its so cute that the 6yr old helps with the lil piggies. ❤ I really like how you approach things!

Are these allowance amounts usual in your area? It seems a lot to me but that’s probably just my family’s circumstances and also it’s been a couple of years since I was a kid. So I’m just curious. Also I read an article that it’s more beneficial for kids 10 and up to get a monthly allowance instead of weekly because at that age kids should learn the ability to spread out their money over a longer period of time. Is this something you would consider for Miss B? ( you could multiply the 14 dollars with the amount of Sundays a month or your allowance days if you have a set day they get it, so that it’s fair)

How dose discipline work in your household?

I think for me, "always try" would have been better than "always do your best". I am pretty prone to perfectionism and not being satisfied and the latter would not have felt encouraging, more pressuring. So I really applaud your approach of observing and adjusting because I can say from my experience that all children are different and react differently.

I like the general idea but I feel like a lot of these rules are very subjective, like regarding devices for example. How do the kids know what you want specifically?

I am curious what types of consequences you have for broken rules. How do you approach discipline?

I'm a new subscriber, so apologies if this has been answered. Do foster children get access to therapy whilst in your care?

Have you ever taken in a child that has never been in foster care before, when they're coming to you directly from the parents? How does that transition look compared to another child that is coming from another placement? This is no where near the same thing, but my mom took on my sister's two kids. It was extremely rough for my niece and nephew, and we are family. I could only imagine how much more difficult it could be moving in with strangers, especially when it is such a new experience.

I would be the kid that hoarded their allowance 😂

I'm all for trauma inform care!

That is interesting that allowance is required in some areas. I don't believe in them personally. I pay for extra chores only typically.

You had gotten miss A a cell phone does Miss B have one?

In general I really like the overarching rules thing, but just something to keep in mind - for some kids, like autistic or otherwise neurodivergent kids, it may be a lot harder to extrapolate those little rules from the big ones (like, if you say "doing the right thing" is a rule, and they don't agree with you on what the right thing is, that could become frustrating and overwhelming for them). And since a lot of kids are undiagnosed (especially kids from lower income families, who, unfortunately, are more likely to end up in the foster system), you may not always know that that's what's going on. Certainly not trying to presume anything about your current household! But since you're making these videos to share your experiences and advice with a public audience, I just thought it was worth mentioning - please be patient and openminded. A lot of us have been accused of or dismissed as being intentionally difficult when we really, sincerely didn't understand things we were "supposed to", even by adults who would swear up and down that they knew better. It's very demoralizing, and I'm sure you'd never want to have that kind of miscommunication with any child in your care, so it's something to keep in mind :) Love your channel, please keep it up! I really want to be a foster parent when I'm older, and this has been an invaluable resource for me, so thank you for everything you do!

With 5 kids in the house, it makes perfect sense that you film in a coworking space. The editing would be a nightmare making sure what needs to stay confidential is censured

Interesting allowance is mandatory in some places. No one I knew growing up ever had it.

Hello

When I was a kid the rules were just "be mellow and don't huck stuff" lol talk about broad. Id say 90% of the time if I got in trouble my papa would somehow relate it to that I wasn't being mellow XD

I dont want to sound rude but is 15$ enough for a teenager these days? Things are expensive. I cant even get a cell phone charger for 15$ the other kids age fits the amount perfect.

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