Self-Consciousness in Scapegoat Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

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Jay Reid - Recovery from Bad Childhoods

4 ай бұрын

In today's video, I address how a narcissistic parent's scrutiny can make a scapegoat child self-conscious. The parent may scrutinize aspects of the child that are real but distort them into qualities to feel ashamed of. For example, a scapegoat child may show marked intelligence and a love for learning at a young age. A narcissistic parent who is insecure about their own intelligence may tease the child for being such an "egghead". Now the child's good quality feels like a reason for embarrassment. This child becomes conscious of self that is preoccupying, shameful and alien. The way out for scapegoat survivors is a new relationship where they feel understood and accepted from the inside out.
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Пікірлер: 138

@janettemartin4604

My LORD it was announced DAILY by all my FAMILY how BAD I was! I had absolutely NO chance of not feeling any other way!

@karenf7280

Yes!!! Thank you for this video! I have been incredibly self conscious my whole life. My mother was forever finding things wrong with me and my brother and father never contradicted her. I’m in therapy now and my therapist said he wants to help me unlearn that I was a “problem child.”

@amarbyrd2520

The CONSTANT CRITICISM

@kevinmasterson5733

OMG!! This is my story. My mother told me that I was "husky" when I was 10 years old. It made me incredibly self-conscious and made me introverted and awkward. When I then hit puberty at 11 and grew into my looks & started to get attention from girls much older than me, she put me down as not being "masculine".

@amberfuchs398

There was a lot of whiplash for me, where sometimes I was highly praised and complimented and other times I was torn down. There was no consistent "right way" to be, it all varied based on their current mood.

@streaming5332

I was never tall enough for my mother's liking. No one else could care less. You were measured by your academic performance at school, not your height. I did well and was okay, but my mother made me feel defective. Later I found out my appearance was fine but I didn't appreciate my mother putting me through this rubbish and instilling a false belief.

@carolynkepler2826

I developed early(age11). I was called fat and comments were made about the size of my breasts. I was really embarrassed and ashamed of the way I looked. I had to wear “old lady” clothes because “normal” sizes didn’t fit me. I started dieting at 14. I have never been “normal “.

@bridgettetraveler658

My accomplishment I didn't tell my parents or other family members, because I didn't think anyone would care or they make it appear to be nothing. It took me years to know I really matter. I gave my life to JESUS & he let me know I'm Precious to him & so are my offsprings. I've given all of my friends the name Precious, because most ppl are precious to me. I look at life totally different now. I take better care of myself & help others as much as I can❤❤❤

@yanx007

In the first 30 seconds you just nailed it. It's another genius video incoming. Thanks Jay!

@Kurzbraten

Well, the reality is, when you come from an abusive household you keep it secret. When stuff came out about what happened to me and the current situation i was in, pretty much everybody ghosted me back then, because it was too marginal to take in i guess. one said "oh, you`re damaged goods" and one childhood friend remained and it turned out she read my patient file in secret when she took a job in the hospital where i was institutionalized for clinical depression. so, the inner feeling of being defective and keeping things secret turned out to be not that wrong in a way.

@elizabethbryan7601

I was dubbed The Ugly Duckling. I had crossed eyes and buck teeth. I was constantly getting fixed as a small child. My personal mantra has been “What's wrong with me? What have I done now?” I am 78 years old and have just realized I am the scapegoat in my family of origin. Maybe I was even adopted and raised in the wrong family.

@janettemartin4604

I recently watched one of those Judge KZfaq videos where a MOTHER was trying to sue her adult daughter. The adult daughter on THAT DAY got a short chance to say how her Mother allowed her stepdad to FEEL HER UP! Then blamed it ALL on the adult daughter (who was a child at the time)! Anyway the suit was about money loaned to the daughter by the abusive stepfather AND he put a stipulation on the money saying “if you let me FEEL YOU IP you don’t owe me”! This the Mother was witness to. So I think it was the adult daughter just escaping all the crap that pissed them off and brought them to try and sue her! BUT after the Mom was explaining how bad of a teen she was and the Judge put two and two together he TOTALLY validated the adult daughter ON TV!

@Mantras-and-Mystics

Absolutely! I feel judged all the time, spend hours ruminating on how others perceive me - and wondering what more I can do to offset their dislike of me.

@pamwatkins4855

I find help in you and your dog

@kobra4422

This happened to me. Since I was 12 my mum shamed me for my weight. I gained weight due to hormonal issues and I was overeating bc I didn't receive any emotional nutriment. She physically forced me on the scale and shamed me. Later I've heard her sharing on the phone with her brother how fat I got. Finally I felt seen! I didn't even take any pics in my teens bc I felt so physically disgusting. I'd wear long pants in the summer bc I was so afraid of my mum examining my body and finding strechmarks.

@kirstenschweikert7181

Thank you. There is so much harm done by narcissistic parents. I am 55 and still on my way to break free from negative images of myself due to my childhood.

@christineplaton3048

Yes. The narcissist is not good at creating the proper environment for a child to mature.

@lapislazuliphoenix

This answered so many questions and made me understand why my husband makes me feel so seen, but at the same time, accepted, loved, and safe! ❤ I don't have to hide from him.

@fuzbugg

love your sweet napping dog. thanks once more Jay! genius

@dark7angel456

That's why I never felt/feel connected to anybody yet because of the harsh emotions that I felt/feel, always looking for ways to make me feel the worst...