So true

Omgosh yes! Well said!

So true In the end of my last relationship he was complaining about not feeling appreciated for how much money he was putting in While I was grieving over the time invested

Better late than never us finding this out!!

I agree! I wish people were more honest about relationships, you only find out from your friends after a breakup how cra**y it really was and you only see the rosy lovey dovey part from the outside. Very few people admit that it's constant communication and negotiation that keeps things going. No one really shares what specifically they have compromised on (if you ask, it's always a perfect match), where to strike a balance, and what the boundaries that you should not break are (like nagging). Everyone tells you that it should "feel right", but being able to identify exactly what DOESN'T feel right is key for you in order to know what to look for in the next person or ask for more in your current relationship.

Everyone needs to feel respected and appreciated. A woman doesn’t want to feel used only for her body.

As someone who has an avoident ex. Don't be too harsh on yourself. When the avoidence kicks in your whole programming goes into survival mode and no mental power will stand up to it. Some unasked for advice. When you meet somebody and you go into 'obsession' mode take it slow to avoid making that other person a fantasy. They will never be able to match what you dream them to be, its subconscious self-sabotage to have an exit if they do not meet up to unrealistic expectations. When you meet someone that acts diffirent then how they talk don't go for it. Avoidents have a weakness for narcisists and it broke my ex' already little ability to trust. That moment when someone does treat you well and the inner chaos of emotions come loose. Take it slooooooow. Let them know how you need to process and self soothe but dont ghost for 7 days. In order to build trust let them know 1 thing that is veeeery important you. For her it was not to press on what she is doing or where. Yes this is difficult because she might be cheating right? Yet if I can't trust her word how can she learn to trust me? Tiny tiny tiny steps. When feelings, shame and guilt overwhelms you slow down and do positive coping like walking in nature, see a friend or do breathwork/yoga. Avoidents have a very hard time understanding the emotions in your body thats why bodywork is essential. Let the other know you did not run off but need space while ALSO plan when you'll meet next to not leave them hanging. Take responsibility and most of all love yourself. People like you are immensely strong thats how you survived. Surviving is not the same as living, now its time to live life. Good luck, do not give up on yourself because your fine as you are and your worth it. I am rooting for you.

@@onnol917 Thank you for your kindness and willingness to share. I needed this message. I have someone in my life I care about, and I am going to take it slow. I want to be ready to receive love, and to give it. Blessings.

@@anon_ya In order to receive love you have to love yourself first. In order to give love you have to love yourself first. Accept the reflection in the mirror, breathe and let loose. Good luck

Girls start from the age of 10 or so thanklessly “doing,” for their future husband and family and it is completely unrecognised and ignored by our partners and society. We’re used to it! My daughters have burdens, social, physical, emotional, psychological and financial, now and till the day they die that my son doesn’t and will never have. Yet, I have NEVER had nor heard of a partner saying, “ Thank you for dealing with your period for the past 20 years and all of the Pap smears and contraception and pain and embarrassment and doctors appointments and the cost of having those periods and a vagina so that one day you can give me a baby and we can have a family. Also, for the permanent physical damage, you have done to your body to bring our baby into the world and forevermore dealing with wetting yourself or worse for the next 20 years until you then reach menopause, and then become crazy because of hormones whilst dealing with all the same things in life that everyone else deals with on top of that.”

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

How long does he stay once a month?

23 year relationship or MARRIAGE because if it’s relationship that is CRAAAAZYYYY!!!!!

@@lorrainea.285 Not officially married but married by spirit :)

​@@Lotuslovable from reading what you wrote, it seems to me that you had a paradigm shift regarding how you show up for your partner. That's awesome! It's amazing. You will have more peace and get more of what you want by giving him what he needs. It's pretty cool how that works.

@@Lotuslovabledon’t you feel like he is taking you for a joke? If he is that much into the spirit I think he would have secured you by now. :)

@@n0426 oh I should clarify I live in quite a hippy area -Byron Bay Australia, not very many people see the official marriage ceremony as important here.. it’s a different culture so we don’t focus on that, we are still just as committed! Also in Australia marriage was not allowed for gay people until recently.. whilst we are not gay.. we are a man and a woman .. we certainly didn’t honour the disrespect of that. I think I don’t look at the whole marriage thing as some would.. especially if it was an important part of someone’s religion too which I respect.

Welcome ❤️❤️❤️

I totally understand you! In order to make more money, my partner wants to go in a different country for 2-3 months a year to earn there some more and then come back and maybe “invest” in something…even if he showed in the past that he is not that good on handeling finances… He talks he wants me to support him, but it’s hard for me to do it when I don’t see him being able to do more with those money… I have a good job in our country and can’t leave it to go abroad for money… Its so hard to be supportive when you see real things going on and your partner is kind of dreaming…Also, he has gambling problems and I’m still by his side in this journey. He is willing to start therapy again and hopefully this is the last time we are going thru that. (5years relationship)… P.S: maybe it sounds ridiculous and we seem to perceive the world in total different ways, but we love each other and have a lot of beautiful moments together… I really hope for my bad period in life to be ending very soon. I wish everyone who struggles in their relationship to be strong and courageous to go forward or to leave if needed!

seems a bit off. you should talk to him and be open about ur boundaries and how ur not willing to give that up

It could be a matter of values. Do you value your marriage or career more? Is he the breadwinner or do you put in equal or more weight financially? That would also affect things. If you do spiritual work, you can try to imagine an ideal scenario where you both get what you want (might involve virtual/remote work or a miraculous job opening).

It seems you can now support him outside of your relationship 🤷🏻‍♀️

maybe this didn't make you feel emotionally secure because you didn't feel considered

This is a good question I have found myself in that position too

When you speak from your heart instead of your head(fear), people can hear what you are really saying. Just simply say, "I want to give you what you need but I'm scared. "

I wouldn't

By packing his stuff and showing where is the outdoor :*

Support him?. He doesn't deserve support. He ain't supporting you if he's cheating. I don't mean to sound cruel but know your worth. Why live like that, knowing he does that?. That's no life for a beautiful caring soul like you,which you obviously are if your asking this question.

Ask yourself. Did you know he was going to cheat? Learn from the experience to not repeat it.

Can you find a therapist by any chance?