"I'm not going to allow a damaged person to dictate who I'm going to be" - brilliant!!!
@richardsmith51315 жыл бұрын
YES! This was revolutionary for me. So important. I'm so easily swept back under her spell :(
@redwhiteblue98665 жыл бұрын
Once again Dr C. straightforward pearls of wisdom. In 3 weeks I've gone from seemingly lost to more in control of my experience of life. Understanding what narcissism is beyond the dictionary definition and that I'm not alone has been priceless. I have hope that I've not had in so long and I truly see the light at the end of the tunnel. This wasn't all for naught, I'm learning more about myself and my part in this NPD dance. I'm growing by Leaps and Bounds. Doc I cannot thank you enough, your impact on my life is immeasurable. I must say best Christmas gift ever. Sooo Merry Christmas doc to you and yours. and happy holidays to us all.
@xpmark15 жыл бұрын
That statement really gets to the essence of the problem once you see them as damaged people with an unhealthy,unhappy character.
@alouettedemer53665 жыл бұрын
Damaged person? That's being way too polite. Irreparable is a better descriptor.
@cairosilver29325 жыл бұрын
Yeah, and that's something a child isn't capable of saying even just to themselves in regards to their parent.
@marymary205 жыл бұрын
One of the hardest things I’ve had to accept is that my mother’s love is conditional.
@shamimtemour2 жыл бұрын
😔❤️❤️
@tammyfitzgerald5336 Жыл бұрын
Any Narc s feeling are conditional xoxoxo💥💥🙌💥💥♌️💥♌️♌️♌️♌️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
@SJMe7775 жыл бұрын
These narcissists always have a sense of entitlement, consistently lying about anything and everything. They will use you for their individual needs. They will blame you for all their wrong doings. They expect you to go above and beyond, but never appreciate you. This expert is completely accurate in everything he is talking about. God bless you always! 💗
@reguengosdemonsaraz23342 жыл бұрын
All the best to Les Carter.
@louisefitzgerald44005 жыл бұрын
Notice how they never ask about how you are. Never ask you any questions really.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
I guess that means YOU are not their favorite topic. Dr. C
@FRTPGIRL5 жыл бұрын
They only ask how you are if they pick up on the fact you are annoyed with them. For them, it's just feigning the minimum amount of support to keep you in place as Supply. If you approach them with friendliness or indifference they could care less about how you feel, or what's going on in your life.
@mistsandrain5 жыл бұрын
They seem to inherently lack curiosity. Doesn't compute to them.
@freedomringshome49845 жыл бұрын
And will they do ask you questions, its from a paranoid and distrustful perspective.
@mermaidflying12975 жыл бұрын
Louise Fitzgerald YES.!!! NEVER!!!! They’re inability to be concerned with anything other than themselves is so difficult to wrap your head around , for the rest of us. They have no interest in even the smallest thing you may be excited about, from finding an old photo you’re thrilled to have rediscovered, if you try to show them as you say. Look what I found! I’m so grateful to have this pic back of my first day of school. That is such a ( small thing to share) and they may not even comment and Idk if they may even really look as you show them. No verbalization, and walk away! Lol... it’s not funny but it’s so weird for me to “get” that on so many levels!? I’m BRAND NEW to learning the different-types of narcissist !! I NEVER knew such and have a psych background!!!! I new something “Wasn’t quite right about / or with a 22 year old family member I have recently reconnected with due to my being away... it was really making my wheels turn and thought she had to be clinically depressed or??? Idk... but now I do! Covert narcissism as she meets every criteria and every behavioral example he defined & explains! So grateful Dr. C.!
@heavyjoechipman35945 жыл бұрын
Brother, the entire video was great, but that last part was absolutely awesome! "I cannot allow this person with all that damage, dictate the person that I am in this life/world"! Best statement EVER! Thanks. God bless you and yours, kind sir.😁🙏👍
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Thank you for these kind words. BTW, God just blessed me....through you! Dr. C
@sungirl99515 жыл бұрын
Happy Halloween. Makes me happy that there are people like me going through same things. I don't feel alone.
@heavyjoechipman35945 жыл бұрын
@@sungirl9951 Absolutely! You are NOT alone! God bless you.😁
@richardsmith51315 жыл бұрын
Yes! I wholeheartedly agree! That was very important, I rewound it about 6 times lol...I easily fall into the trap of responding to the narcissist as if they're just a regular psychologically balanced person. She was so articulate and clever, you forget they're disordered.
@thehotcoffeehouse60815 жыл бұрын
@@richardsmith5131 great observation.. so many narcs have positive" traits like being witty, articulate, skilled at a profession, and so on...it is difficult sometimes to remember they are desperately ill with npd....., not that that excuses them at all...anyway, and those" positive" traits trick the flying monkeys into siding with them, rather than the non-narc person...
@amyjkr5 жыл бұрын
It took me a long time to understand that the reason he seemed irritated or chronically dissatisfied with all the kind things I did for him, until I realized he only does for those he wants something from. Therefore, everything you do for them is seem the opposite of the way you intend. You wanted to make them feel loved, and they feel cornered into reciprocating. And once you lose your star status of novelty, they don’t feel compelled to do anything for you.
@jimyost25855 жыл бұрын
Amy Kline ~ What you said is profound, especially your closing statement. I was with my ex for seventeen years and for the first ten years our relationship was almost like paradise, but then later on she changed and started treating me exactly the way you described. It's been two years since she discarded me and I'm still not over her. I still love her and I worry about her, but I have no idea how she's doing because she won't speak to me. She won't answer my phone calls, or return my emails or snail mails. We live over a hundred miles apart so I never just run into her while out and about. I'm trying to forget about her but it's easier said than done. Anyway, thank you for what you wrote. I already knew it but I didn't know how to put it into words like you did.
@littleredrose62545 жыл бұрын
The best way to get over her is to try and meet someone else. She's not the only pebble on the beach. Good luck.@@jimyost2585
@jimyost25855 жыл бұрын
@@littleredrose6254 ~ That's what all my friends say. But it's easier said than done seeing as how I don't think I can trust any of the women I know. There's only one woman I know who I would trust but she's married. So I'm back to square 1.
@jondough6795 жыл бұрын
@@jimyost2585 are you sure narcissism has anything to do with your relationship only ten years love bombing without cyclic incidents is unheard of
@angelbythewings5 жыл бұрын
I always wondered why was it so hard for her to reciprocate love when in the beginning she was the one to bomb me with love. Sad but we need to accept it was never true love
@creator21495 жыл бұрын
They burn all their bridges. One of my friends said that. It's true. They make enemies. They roar through the lives of others like a twister and cause everything to flip upside down and then they go off and do it again.
@lindamaxwell91203 жыл бұрын
Yes, and they are clueless about their role in the wreckage! ☄️🌪
@Carrie255 жыл бұрын
Happy Halloween 🎃 Not many topics scarier than narcissism 😱
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Ok Carrie, you made me smile on this one! Dr. C
@krisluvsutube26845 жыл бұрын
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@torrihoward97295 жыл бұрын
Hahaha 😅👏
@chaosdweller5 жыл бұрын
😁
@SantiXiAmaru5 жыл бұрын
You've got that right.
@deedeeneri82025 жыл бұрын
However, if attacked by multiple narcissists , the victim develops a lack of trust
@artofmghow64195 жыл бұрын
Yep. Very true. Doesn't mean you are one.
@rebeccamoser59565 жыл бұрын
💯
@travislong28104 жыл бұрын
That's why he's helping people to recognize signs of a narcissist
@ak-47intelligence755 жыл бұрын
" The narcissist is operating from a damaged position " Just hearing that line brought healing to me. Thank you ! Great insight.
@scifiaudious25 жыл бұрын
You are great, this has helped me more than anyone on youtube probably concerning this topic
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Thanks so much! Dr. C
@vesnadjordjevic285 жыл бұрын
Yes learning about is ok..so what abt if we can learn so much that we can act toward narc like narc is acted toward us..for example:criminal mind must be well learned n understood by criminal investigator or else no hunting can't be done and it is a fact.It is the most difficult assignment to achieve. Maybe it can be done with npd mind as well.Just thinking I don't know, bcz it must be exhausting and dangerous also, n mind is tricky so its only for strong minded personalities.Balance needed or mind might easily slip to the other side..
@uh36965 жыл бұрын
Self-entitled, grandiosity, manipulation, control
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Yep! Dr. C
@larrytruelove71125 жыл бұрын
uh369 That’s only one kind of narcissist.
@bradmcewen5 жыл бұрын
I must compliment your style of delivery. I've watched tons of vlogs especially in the early days of wtf. Now limiting to a select few creators I find it fascinating to still hear key words that still give an Ahh hah moment. "They don't cultivate relationships, they only cultivate assests." How gold is that ! It seems to me that even after a year of no contact, one still seeks words that validate. I only had one person ( a relationship after becoming a widower ) that I can say became the biggest mental disturbance, even counting the deep grief of loss, that I ever had. Your screwed as soon as you love them. But it was not real love. It was rebounding in the most naive way. But no sympathy for either is sought. I had the best then got blindsided by the best. Narc/ borderline abuse teaches you this line well , "You only receive the amount of disrespect you allow to happen". Your vlogs are highly valued. Thank you.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Thanks Brad! Dr. C
@rachelmartineau81025 жыл бұрын
Brad McEwen I think we all are learning about a narc in our life. I can truly say I have been awakened. Thanks to this wonderful man. It's nice to know other people are doing the same. Hope everything goes well for you.
@bradmcewen5 жыл бұрын
@@rachelmartineau8102 Couldn't agree with you more. Happy holiday to you & Dr. C. !
@angelbythewings5 жыл бұрын
Oh yes, once you start recovering you realise how much you allowed yourself to be disrespected
@bradmcewen5 жыл бұрын
@@angelbythewings Yep. I doubt most of us will allow it again with such personal absorbtion of someone else issues.
@theforeigner69885 жыл бұрын
An asset, not a relationship person... Wow. That's how I felt all these years.
@totf63595 жыл бұрын
Childlike, exhausting, downright waste of energy! 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️
@sweettartgoodstuff4385 жыл бұрын
Yes and nothing but wasted time!
@sunshines45555 жыл бұрын
Yes it is extremely exhausting!!! And you are right... it is a huge waste of my time!
@SantiXiAmaru5 жыл бұрын
Exactly!!!
@meiyokechan56974 жыл бұрын
Yes after many yrs exhausting!
@kinesis48685 жыл бұрын
I agree you have to align your expectations with their capabilities. They have a severely impaired capacity for compassion, understanding, selflessness, empathy. When you understand they operate in the absence of those things you can detect the intention and agenda behind the words and actions - and not internalise their criticism. Logic tells you that they place little value on cultivating an equally beneficial relationship but one where they prosper at your expense. It’s upsetting when it’s someone close to you but understanding is the beginning of healing. Love this series because it helps people not think they’re crazy and feel less alone dealing with a one sided relationship that they can’t fully abandon for one reason or another 👍
@CH-in8dm5 жыл бұрын
LouLou Thomson ...so true
@joycestewart72275 жыл бұрын
And when you spend your life dealing with the effects of a narcissist both from my mom as a child and my husband as an adult--all you get is criticism and rejection from people instead of the loving support you need.
@torrihoward97295 жыл бұрын
Well said 🙌🤗
@richarddaz84765 жыл бұрын
Well said
@musicrocksinaustin5 жыл бұрын
This is why my Narc has “lots of friends” when they are actually just drinking buddies. LOL😁
@dragonclaws93672 жыл бұрын
The one I know has no friends at all. Sometimes I wonder if he is a psychopath.
@realitycheck18705 жыл бұрын
Very concise and insightful. Helpful to realize I don't have to be someone I don't want to be, just to have peace with the narcissist. Recognizing limitations and realistic expectations puts it into perspective.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Thank you. Dr. C
@dukadarodear21765 жыл бұрын
Basically the best way to deal with Narcissists is to avoid them. If you have to be in their company make noncommittal responses and start moving away. The irony is that the only way to get through to them is to be disinterested in them . They love you to agree with them, they get angry when you disagree with them but they can take it but it kills them when you make it clear that you couldn't care less what they say or do. I know this from experience in dealing with an extreme case. Thanks for validating what I ended up doing.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Sounds like you've been through the trenches. Good luck moving forward. Dr. C
@lindabermudez-hafer54405 жыл бұрын
Here is what I did as an experiment with my spouse when Therapists kept telling me I was not “patient enough” and “things can’t possibly be as bad as you are describing”. I audio taped, with his knowledge, a argument, in which I stood my ground for a bit, then did an about face & agreed with him. He changed his stance & kept arguing; so I stood my ground, then again agreed with him until he changed his stance again. This dance went on for awhile until I pointed I started laughing & said he would keep arguing just to argue. Of course he denied this so I pointed out my little experiment & said let’s play back the tape. Even with the taped evidence, he denied his argumentative nature & claimed I altered the tape! At therapy sessions I have played the tape as examples of his behavior & Therapists put me down for this because he always denies knowledge of being recorded even though you can heat him consenting in the beginning!
@polskigirl85475 жыл бұрын
Another great explanation of Narcissists traits....I wish I would have known this while being in the tornado....but thank God I have survived going thru to the ending of the marriage....Thank you Dr. Carter!
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
You're welcome! Dr. C
@torrihoward97295 жыл бұрын
Yes 🙌
@artofmghow64195 жыл бұрын
Sorry to hear that, Renata. I found out, that as much as I would love to hear these words earlier, I wouldn't listen to them before. Because I needed a lot of bad experience to open me for such wisdom.
@Gkuljian5 жыл бұрын
I just finished watching all of your videos, and I got something significant from every one. You have such clarity into this subject. Where were you 50 years ago when I really needed the help, haha!
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
50 years ago I was a teenager who would have driven you nuts! Dr. C
@torrihoward97295 жыл бұрын
I know Right 👍
@aking36245 жыл бұрын
It's Never too late..
@artofmghow64195 жыл бұрын
Good comment 👍 I know I probably wouldn't have listened to these things. Because I needed really bad experiences to woke me up for such wisdom.
@afour96185 жыл бұрын
6th perspective of they don't care about why or to understand the situation at a deeper level. Proverbs 18:2 “A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself.”
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Well stated...of course, it's from a good source. Dr. C
@klattalexis5 жыл бұрын
It's all about one-up-manship!
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Yes. Dr. C
@robinrosenthal30115 жыл бұрын
Trust issues also come from narc. abuse. It's hard not forgetting. Last guy that was chasing me flattered something fierce. I did a background check and found he'd beat up his last lady friend and was wearing one of those ankle monitor deals. When I confronted him with my find he tried to lie and flatter me. Trust issues are ingrained when your suffered from former abuse.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Yes...you have reason to be extra cautious. Dr. C
@sweettartgoodstuff4385 жыл бұрын
Robin Rosenthal yes, I feel damaged.
@Almamater88885 жыл бұрын
You are lucky you got away from him alive. Some people don’t. Most recent public example is about a girl who went to a Utah university.
@mistsandrain5 жыл бұрын
Re love:. I've noticed mine requires/demands unconditional love from me with no reciprocity.
@angelbythewings5 жыл бұрын
They all do
@beachtraveller21545 жыл бұрын
Yes get on your Bicycle and ride the other way🌈
@jcm5171 Жыл бұрын
Very, very helpful, thank you Doctor Carter! I find that it took me forever to understand that the incapacity to take in any input that sounds or feels different from their set of beliefs, or just does not agree with them, is not a difficulty or even a tendency but an absolute impossibility. Not only are narcissists not interested in anything that they don't believe in but they tend to despise it and the people who hold those beliefs with it. At best they feel condescending or sorry for you, or they may outright end up despising you or hating you for it. They may not show it when they want to win you over or with people they need to keep around for whatever personal needs they may have but sooner or later, they WILL do everything they can to rip that principle or value or interest of yours right out of your heart, letting you know how incredibly wrong and stupid you are, if you are their victim.
@nangrayson5325 жыл бұрын
May God Bless you, Dr Carter. i am at a crossroads in life; your words set me free. Thanks Be to God!
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Thanks for such kind words. Dr. C
@izawaniek25682 жыл бұрын
I totally agree. No damaged person is going to dictate me who I am going to be. I am responsible for my life.
@imgm945 жыл бұрын
Perspective is like seeing a whole other galaxy you didn’t know was there to see. Brilliant video! I appreciate the sound logic you present in your channel. Thank you.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Thank you! Dr. C
@kathyevans1105 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I want to have a meaningful marriage relationship, but I think that is impossible at this point. After 39 years of marriage, I just want to give up, but I keep trying. I just hope young people watch your videos so they can learn about NPD and run when they see it. Keep up the good work.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Thanks for your comments. Dr. C
@deenalaykie52605 жыл бұрын
Oh Kathy, im breaking down as I write. The little trouble light lit in the last month, after eleven years of the hardest work, I ever could of imagined. As I try to comprehend the time you have invested, I look around to see nothing short of carnage produced in the last 7 years. I can see what I must do, and I have not felt love in almost 2 years now. But the idea of abandonment of my childs mother, produces just a complete sense of failure and dark abyss inside. This is just awful. Im not sure I can do that, all i know is I can't keep putting myself in such a depreciating posistion. Any support or advice is very appreciated. I've had to place my child with family to try and shield her from what i had envisioned as her parents problem. After 18mo of pouring everything i could muster at this "problem" I have come to realise i can not fix several things. As I watched the first of these videos, it started a check list of our problems that are outside my reach. It also included another list of issues that were just not as bad as the dishonesty, sense of entitlement, and for me, the most painful, the unheard of ability to just turn off the love machine, exspecialy after being forgiven and showered with unconditional love. For her to just disappear and go silent after that for 4 days has just left me devastated. Powerles and seemingly unlovable. What's left of my heart goes out to you. You maam are nothing short of a beautiful, loveing and please accept, tough ol' bird!! Thank you Dr. C. S incerily, Dean
@jackiemarsh24705 жыл бұрын
Thank you so very much Dr you are helping me in so many ways!! You are truly appreciated so much!!
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Pleased! Dr. C
@80808O5 жыл бұрын
I'm so happy I found this channel!
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
I'm glad you found us too! Dr. C
@Jarvis-MkII5 жыл бұрын
I'm a little stuck on the issue that some of the attitudes you explain are exhibited by a narcissist can also be exhibited by a victim of narcissism as a defence mechanism. Being affected by a narcissist does not mean that you necessarily become one, but surely some of the traits (such as emotional distancing and refusing to change etc) are also "walls" that a victim puts up when exposed to a narcissist daily.
@catmagic22265 жыл бұрын
i actually feel like i live around the walking dead. i have a terrible habit of liking ppl when i meet them. they're so nice. until they're not. they aren't damaged, they no longer produce brain chemicals that support human emotion. not completely human. i have seen enough that i am convinced of it. I'm 57 years old, and the ONLY reason I'm not dead is because i cannot leave my poor cats to their fate.
@lightoflife77955 жыл бұрын
@darnell anderson it's as though a narc casts a spell on their target. When the spell wears off we're left wondering...what just happened. Narcs are very adept at schmoozing and because we have good heart's we want to believe that they are being truthful in their dealings with us. After going no contact we can once again get in touch with our true nature. It takes time, but it is achievable for us to make changes. Narcs on the otherhand will continue to read from the exact same script.
@artistsurvivor5 жыл бұрын
This is normal. Victims of narcissistic abuse do develop some of the same behaviors as their abusers. We live in a mine field. We are constantly under attack. So, it's expected that we will find ways to defend ourselves and perfectly normal that we will start to do the things we see every day. But, once you are away from these people, those behaviors go away. Once we're spending our time with people who love and respect us, we can begin to trust again. It just takes time. Hang in there.
@Jarvis-MkII5 жыл бұрын
@@artistsurvivor Thanks that's a great help! I'm just very aware that's it's easy for a victim to be tarred with the "narcissist brush" by the narcissist themselves... and by anyone else who witnesses you being defiant.
@artistsurvivor5 жыл бұрын
@@Jarvis-MkII True. But, I've learned to cut myself some slack. I'm damaged too. The difference is that I know how to apologize when I act out or do something wrong.
@wanderingfree1495 жыл бұрын
You can never ever give them enough. According to them " they are entiled to everything you have. "
@lisaw62195 жыл бұрын
This man deserves a nobel peace prize for all his work on Narcissism! I've been binge watching his videos for over a week now... My narc is giving me the silent treatment, after bombarding me with daily texts since we met 2 months ago. I feel like I'm coming up for air after being drowned!
@kathiejl1 Жыл бұрын
Run away!
@marileegrier84835 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for this. Such excellent counseling. This helps me not to be so broken hearted.
@Jgotmilk5555 жыл бұрын
Understanding the "why" of why narcissists do what they do, helps me make peace with their actions. I forgive them. I move on with my life. I move onto more positive, kind people. I promise anyone who's reading this that there are so many kind people in the world.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Spot on, and you're doing your share! Dr. C
@erinmarquis66265 жыл бұрын
Scary realizing every single subject you spoke on, I could tell you about an incident recently occurring in my life with my narc.
@FRTPGIRL5 жыл бұрын
You're describing my Narc to a tee. He was pushed into being an overachiever to gain acceptance from his Father. He is also completely obsessed with his body, and physical improvement, in my opinion because it helps him to cultivate the sense of superiority over everyone else he meets that he needs to overcome his insecuriities. He has a multititude of "Assests", but very few true friends, and when I've talked to him about what the elements were in true friendships I've had in the past, he is genuinely confused and appears to not understand how such friendships could work. He can only express gratitude for anything by making promises to do things for you, that he has no intention of ever doing, and then if you ever try to call him on his lies (expose his flaws) he lashes out in absolute fury. Thanks for this series of videos. For those of us who can't walk away from out Narcs (I work with mine), they help greatly in providing guidance on how to deal with, and survive these people.
@christinemiller65665 жыл бұрын
So on spot, I tried everything to help him, now I know better. I've become educated, finally had to realize I deserve to be happy.
@AJ.9435 жыл бұрын
“I’m not going to allow a damaged person, dictate who I’m going to be”. THIS is the key. Right in one sentence.
@demigaines56445 жыл бұрын
Thank U For Sharing I Remember Back When This Guy I Was Dating A Narcissists He Was In The Hospital And I Went 2 The Hospital And Bought Balloons Took Him Money And I Left It With The Nurse Which Was Delivered To Him He Did Not Text To Say Thank You Narcissists Never Appreciate Anything You Do For Them They Are Very Selfish.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Too bad he couldn't appreciate your kindness, nonetheless, I know you want to continue to be that person...perhaps a little wiser because of your experience. Dr. C
@demigaines56445 жыл бұрын
Surviving Narcissism Ur Right Thank U..
@gqfilipino954 жыл бұрын
Agreed Dr. C, I feel that when a narc says love. It is based on more of a public image in front of the family and friends. Never feels genuine and empty.
@nancygreydee26085 жыл бұрын
It should be a crime how evil they are and the destruction they cause on their dark paths in life. My narcissistic alcoholic ex husband continues to cause so much irreversible damage to me and my kids.
@troll23-troll235 жыл бұрын
"Narcissits do not cultivate relationships." I just heard that in a totally new way, as if I had not known it before. But I have, do I ever! One of my long-time narcissistic "friends" (alas, I had many of that sort) still from university times wrote long letters to me about herself, like a kind of diary (I had boxes full with them), without ever asking about me or commenting on my letters, but still she considered me her "friend"all those years. I did not know how to get out of it. As we got older, I got so frustrated, I started to point out her behaviour to her - which enraged her. As time moved on, she would hardly ever respond to my e-mails either, I could as well not have written them. In fact, she had the nerve to tell me that she tended to "accidentally" erase e-mails on a regular basis, so I had to live with that. No apologies of course. When she would finally attack me for not writing (although I had), it got really insane. I explained to her in a detailed way what had gone wrong, she gave me blank stares as if she did not hear me. When I finally stopped corresponding, she wrote to me that she found it tragic and unfair that I would end such a long "friendship" (over 30 years), without any dignity. Everything I tried had been in vain. I realized she never knew me. What a hard life-lesson that was, very disillusioning. Could it be that simple, that narcissists just don't know how to relate, how to be grateful (my gifts were ignored too)? But it's true, I have been there - and more than once. Have dealt with this in therapy, thank God, but I got reminded through this excellent video.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Pleased! Dr. C
@nancyludlum26462 жыл бұрын
Thanks. It's hard to understand when the narcs we deal with come from good families, but yet they are really awful people themselves.
@tammyfitzgerald5336 Жыл бұрын
Yes and they f up tooo 😢😮😅😅😅😅
@willsolo19672 жыл бұрын
The emotional disfunction involved is mind blowing
@CottonWoodBlues4 жыл бұрын
He does at times seem very grateful and even humbly admits his shortcomings..but he quickly forgets that in a few days
@bekinvirgin96225 жыл бұрын
The way you articulate all your posts amazes me. It's so easy to understand and I'm never left with questions after. Thank you for doing this.
@christineplaton30482 жыл бұрын
Great title. They, we all need to know how lacking they are. Delusional needs for power at the expense of the rest of us civil people. Ego is out of control, knows no boundaries. It's open season on everyone else.
@SurvivingNarcissism2 жыл бұрын
You get it!
@christineplaton30482 жыл бұрын
You have said it often to me. Are you in Dallas? Just curious. I'm low income. Someone's in Texas. I have to attend a wedding. I'm interested in how to bring my family back together after this shattering...and parental alienation.
@ticklishmoose5 жыл бұрын
I have this one saved and watch it periodically just to remind myself of what I’m truly dealing with. Every time the recycling begins this gives me the strength to move forward to what I truly deserve. And what I deserve is not a hollow, damaged shell of a person, incapable of giving. You almost used me up narc, but self preservation kicked in. Thank God!
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Stick with it, Moose! Dr. C
@DiamondCutter4235 жыл бұрын
Currently my elderly narcissist says..."I want to do......" but what she really means is "I want YOU to do...." and she commonly calls everyone else a narcissist among other names. Another thing she does is a form of passive aggresive behavior when we look at something I will hand it to her and she will not take it, or when it's time to give something back after she looks at it, usually she won't hand it over or she will not let go of it when I try and take it. Really weird way to exert control I guess! For 30 years she's never changed. Everything you say is something she exhibits, and is spot on. Great post Dr. C.!
@heatherwhittaker61695 жыл бұрын
Thank you for another great video Dr. Carter. You keep me strong.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Pleased! Dr. C
@adrianocavalcanti2985 жыл бұрын
My ex wanted so bad to dictate who I should talk and should not. Indeed, I refused to following his rules and said “ Who are you to dictate who I should talk or not? Unlike you, I am not a drug addict, I do not have money issue, I do not have hygienic issues, and the list goes on”!! Are you out of your mind? B***, please!” Then, he accused me of harrassing people around him, because truth to be told, he was scared of people knowing my version of his despicable behaviour. I learned SO much after finding this chanel. From now on, the tinest sign of narcissism in anyone around me, I just run away from them! Life is too short and there has been so much good in my life to waste time and energy on these demons. 🙏🏻 Thanks again Dr. C!
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Indeed, life is too short for that! Dr. C
@Lulu2010APR5 жыл бұрын
one of the reasons that I find it is exhausting being with an narcissists is that we always have to be cautious of our behaviour towards them - we have to kind of rein in our emotions or responses to something inappropriate they do or say! We were on a road trip, he was doing everything except driving carefully because, of course, he is a multitask master. I finally lost it when he drove steering with his knees, fiddling with the GPS, the radio, whatever. Well my great sin was that i dared raise my voice and he was very angry with me....then the silent treatment, then sometime later bringing up by very bad lapse. I think I almost ended up being apologetic and saying that I was scared of the dangerous driving.
@kathiejl1 Жыл бұрын
Agree! Same thing happened to me! He complains about other drivers using their phone and driving (especially when we are on the motorcycle) but then he turns around and does the same thing!!
@montelanducci57885 жыл бұрын
I never knew what I was going through with my girlfriend until I started listening to your KZfaq videos. On point with almost (95%) of the explanation . I have learned so much from you! I thought it was all me. Thanks again!
@MrTpaflorida5 жыл бұрын
If only this video was viewed or made possible before I dealt with a ‘cancerous’ narcissist - damn, it would’ve saved a lot of pain.
@StitchShifter5 жыл бұрын
Wow again this just absolutely stuns me with how accurately it describes my parents and extended family. So many mysteries and memories all explained now. Thank you Dr. Carter for sharing another great video and spreading the truth and light
@lesliewoolnough78718 ай бұрын
When I was a teenager I was given a kitten 🐈⬛ at school and a “not a friend “ “boyfriend “ killed that kitten and I had a lot of trouble trusting after that , I remember that last night and today, that non friend taught me how to be way more careful of who I trust and who I don’t , so I forgive him and I’m thankful of what I learned
@flightydancer Жыл бұрын
It makes me sad that someone I love so much can be so bad of character. I chose to give up empty promises for soulful solitude. I can't keep being damaged by a damaged person.
@natashapleasant17425 жыл бұрын
taking notes on your content. it’s life changing, thank you!
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Excellent! Thanks for these words. Dr. C
@nancytwigg4631 Жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing your knowledge, Dr. C! It's sad all that damage and dysfunction made the narcissist how they are...song lyrics go 🎵🎶" he can't even run his own life. I'll be damned if he runs mine....oh, oh sunshine!"🎶🎵🌞
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
Great song...now I have an ear worm!
@elanawrot98893 жыл бұрын
I know a narsist who showes up himself as a super sensitive person blaming the others how much they constantly hurt him
@goodgollymisspolly51635 жыл бұрын
Yes. Their love is extremely conditional. I changed self, developed destructive coping skills, subconscious subtleties, without realizing. I'm trying to unravel the automatic reactions which I've developed. He's right. I'm wrong. He's good. I'm bad. He's sane. I'm crazy. I cannot survive without him. He's the biggest fan of my Insecurities, Anxiety Disorder & PTSD. I've developed some self-sabotaging coping skills. HELP! LOL.
@LunaSea-bb5rj5 жыл бұрын
I detached (for good) about 10 years ago, always wondering if I'd made the right decision. Thanks to Dr. Carter's videos, it turns out I did. My parents are the King and Queen Narcissism. It was one thing when they did what they do to me. But when they started on my husband and then my children, I cut bait.
@dawnfastabend97492 жыл бұрын
These videos help me so much! Thank-you, Dr. Carter!
@chowmikki5 жыл бұрын
My narcissist loved me as long as I did as told. As long as I followed him around like a little puppy. Both of us are older. He's used to rise at 5:30. Have breakfast at 6 and walk his dog. I sleep in till 8. At a Caribbean resort breakfast opened at 7 a.m. He made a lot of noise early mornings to wake me. At 7:15, 'aren't you ready yet?; I don't like to get up early, neither do I like to eat early. By day 3, he ended up going for breakfast on his own. The narcissist will not change their habits. They will not change their ways. I tried. Because I did not comply, I was told that I am difficult, bossy and too independent.
@Christine-wi1dl5 жыл бұрын
I really needed to hear every single word that you said here Dr. C. I've been struggling with seeing the Narcissist's in my life through the lens of my own normalcy, yet knowing in my own mind that what has been said to me, and the ways these folks have and continue to act toward me, are anything but normal. Self-doubt kept creeping in for me, however I can now accept this, and feel now that I continue on in my life with Objectivity rather than Subjectivity, and I can't tell you how very much I truly appreciate that you explained the differences between these "methods" as well!!! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you from the Bottom of my Heart Dr. C. Sending Blessings to you and yours from Ontario, Canada 🍁
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Thanks for such encouraging words. Dr. C
@chowmikki5 жыл бұрын
I'm from Ontario too. Dr. Carter's videos helped me to get rid of this dingbat I was with. I am planning to buy a book too just to make sure I don't falter and go back to the narc. I have known the narc. for 40 years. We lived together for 3 years many years ago. We reconnected after our spouses died but did not live together at this point. It took me awhile to get back to normalcy where I started liking myself again. I was starting to have doubts, maybe I was wrong?
@JilleEikenberry5 жыл бұрын
I literally asked my last “partner” if he was ever in love with either of his last girlfriend/wife (both whom he was with for a very long time) because his behavior to me was so cold and I was having such a hard time understanding his apparent lack of desire to get to really know me. His response should have been enough : he was so flustered and literally could not answer. He hemmed and hawed and said something like , “I don’t know, I mean what doe that mean anyway ?” I was aghast that he did not KNOW whether or not he was in love or not with his last girlfriend whom he was with for SIX years and lived with !! They truly do not know the feeling of love and view the relationship as a practical means of getting what they want.
@MichelleVisageOnlyFans5 жыл бұрын
Now imagine the person he's talking about is your mother! Mommie Dearest, anyone? Joan Crawford was a school book example of one! Truly scary, and leaves such children emotionally scarred for life.
@tomsalzano81204 жыл бұрын
THANK YOU, Les ! This totally connected the dots on so many things that I thought were specific to the 'N' I just ended a relationship with, yet hadn't associated with the entire 'N' mindset. Thank you again for ALL this content you've blessed us with, Les -- It's HELPED GREATLY in de-programing from 'N' abuse and the labyrinth of twisted mindsets that I've been dealing with over the past 2+ years. God Bless you Sir !
@mindyholiday83915 жыл бұрын
Sooo true! OMG, You are either Friend or Enemy..I refer to my Narc Sis to having a Good List or Bad List. Dr Carter is thorough in his knowledge. Once again Spot ON!
@be2fly4 жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr. Les Carter, watching your videos over the past few days has really strengthened my healing from interacting out of alignment with my truth. This really helps me walk through the narcissist's shoes and realise there's always that option for the narcissist to soften and heal, not that I will stick around waiting for that to happen anymore.
@mdgqTube5 жыл бұрын
It took me years and years to understand this! I still learned some stuff from this excellent video! Sad that a handful of individual and relationship therapists had no clue!
@YinYanka5 жыл бұрын
Really appreciate your way of explaining the narc nature from how they grow up in lack of something crucial to become an empathic being.👍that way Ppl can learn to be aware of their own narc traits without so much shame. When being thorough and professional like this u contribute to a culture of less stigma and tabloid expressions about especially antisocial personality disorders. Just bought «when pleasing you is killing me» and I really really recommend it! Language is easily accessible and the exercise parts make one be very concrete and real about the prosess of healing✨❤️✨
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Great...glad you are enjoying the book! Dr. C
@kimberlybellefontaine12155 жыл бұрын
What an “aha” moment this was for me. For the most part, I’ve already seen (and I understand) all of these “perspectives” discussed here, after being married to and observing my (ex) husband over the past 20+ years. However, having it all put together like this, spelled out like this, was truly incredible. I see HIM (and exactly how he lives and approaches life) in every single one of these “perspectives.” I fought against this for many years. When person after person after person suggested to me yrs ago that my husband is a full blown narcissistic, I tried so hard NOT to believe it. But, truth is truth, whether I wanted to acknowledge it or not. I finally did acknowledge it and wow, EVERYthing suddenly became so much clearer. Sadder but also clearer. This was very helpful - thank you.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Thanks for this feedback! Dr. C
@mrob9975 жыл бұрын
I'm completely floored by this. It describes my relationship of almost 19 years so well sadly. Now what? I was sent this link by mistake but I'm shocked at the impact of this. SMH, just wow.
@kimberlybellefontaine12155 жыл бұрын
Mike Roberts I hear ya. I remember how i felt about 6 yrs ago when, after 15 yrs of marriage, I determined that “narcissism” explained my husband and “narcissistic abuse” explained exactly how he treated me for the course of our marriage..😞. Our marriage was already shaky at that point but it became even shakier when my eyes were opened. Our divorce, after 21 yrs of marriage, will be finalized this week. It’s not at all what I wanted for my life ..... but I realize I cannot change my husband’s narcissistic behaviors. I’m so very sorry you’re dealing with this, as well. It’s a horribly devastating experience, isn’t it?
@512Squared5 жыл бұрын
i have always been live and let live, which seemed diametrically opposed to my ex-wife, who seemed to want to control and inevitably punish when that control failed. It always seemed odd that she gave her happiness away so easily, but it reflected the lack of feelings of love and warmth. Through my marriage, I learned that without trust, real intimacy was very difficult.
@annadedorson63225 жыл бұрын
You truly , truly help me and give me so much strenght. You inspire me ( truly, again) to use my knowledge, experience, compassion, warmth to not only heal myself ( I am already out) - but to be a force of support, healing, giving tools for others. I hope you know how important you are . I wish I could meet you. I am a swede in germany, though :( Let me know if you are in Berlin at some point!
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Your words are so kind and affirming. You just made my day! Glad you're on board with our channel. Dr. C
@thekrrib5 жыл бұрын
Excellent vid Doc. One of the best I've heard. 😊👌
@MichaelBrown-gn8cm5 жыл бұрын
Exactly right Dr, C. My father was a huge Narcissist. I always thought it was weird that he did not have the word "why" in is vocabulary when speaking to me but I did not understand as a young person. He thought he already knew all the answers. Did not care about the "why". Listening to your videos I now understand. As I said , I wish I had the chance to watch "Surviving Narcissism"videos many years ago.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Well, you're on board now, and I'm pleased you found us. Dr. C
@jerrys135 жыл бұрын
Wow Dr. Les! This is one of your best videos yet. I wish I had known all this when I was in the thick of it with my now ex-wife/ malignant narcissist. It is still so helpful though in the healing process to be able to say “that’s what it was”.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Glad it spoke to your needs! Dr. C
@frankgiurleo4 жыл бұрын
I want to thank you personally for what you do here in your channel. You have literally awakened me, enlightened me. Amazing work! Thank You
@SurvivingNarcissism4 жыл бұрын
Thanks, Frank. Dr. C
@allgood27805 жыл бұрын
Great video... Much appreciation. From my experience no contact is best, then feed your soul. Be healthy as you can and be kind to others.
@yanetrodriguezcruz36092 жыл бұрын
I never finish to appreciate the gift my patients left me including some pain for being a good profesional.
@dragonfly19555 жыл бұрын
I think this is why I felt sorry for him bc it’s not his fault. It makes me sad not angry and I want to get to the anger part so I can heal. He knew something was wrong and at times would ask the “why” but I think they are so lazy to go there they just stay In their cycle. I just want to shake him and say wake up!!!!
@beautifulwaterfalls77274 жыл бұрын
Some Narcissists do things for you n others to use it against you later. I feel like they take out everything on their partner to and it's almost sickening how much they believe that's normal. So toxic.
@geminisun125 жыл бұрын
I told My narc aunt she was miserable, unhappy and jealous....lol. I thought she was going to shoot through the roof. I totally went no contact with her after that. Then the next time I saw her she lost about 300 lbs. 😂😂😂. Hmmmm, I wonder what motivated her to look inward at herself for a change instead of constantly tearing me down. Of course she will never admit any wrong doing. I’m glad I’ve ended my dysfunctional relationship with her. If I knew what I know now about this disorder I would have tore her about three new ones. But due to my lack of knowledge that was all I had at the time.
@artistsurvivor5 жыл бұрын
Another excellent video. Thank you. I can see myself using these tools to deal with a narc at work or perhaps in my social circle; someone with whom I have no emotional connection. But, I found it difficult if not impossible to be "objective" with the narcs in my family of origin when I was having regular contact with them. There was just too much hurt over too many years. And, they knew me too well. They knew exactly how to push my buttons and they would keep pushing until they got the reaction they wanted. They were relentless in their cruelty. But, I still think you provide a lot of useful information. The one exception was the last time I spoke with my mother. We hadn't spoken in two years and I guess the distance had enabled me to actually be more "objective" than usual. Bless her damaged heart. She tried so hard for over an hour to get a reaction out of me. But, I was able to remain completely non-emotional. Then, suddenly, with no warning or reason at all, she said she had to hang up. I think it was because she was frustrated. She couldn't get the reaction (supply) that she wanted. So, what was the point in continuing the conversation? We haven't spoken since and life is good. I love my mother and always will even though she'll never be able to love me. But, it's better to love her from a safe distance.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
You're spot on about the hang-up as her feeling she had lost you as her supply. Good that you can see into this, sad that she cannot. Dr. C
@meera25315 жыл бұрын
I'm happy for you that you got this win over her condition. They really cannot help it. You've healed :)
@bronycrutchfield93685 жыл бұрын
I've been binging on these videos. Workshop next! You are truly Inspired by a higher being. God bless you.
@lianelindsey14075 жыл бұрын
Just explaining a narcissist being and behavior is so hard, but you made it so easy to understand!
@ldoiron185 жыл бұрын
So helpful, thank you for this video.
@paf91915 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your wisdom. You are right on!!
@delorestaylor81145 жыл бұрын
I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate your ministry. God led me here to find help for the man I love and teach me how to respond in a loving way to his painful past. So many good traits are in him, and so little security. Please pray for us. God bless you
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
He just blessed me through you! Dr. C
@TheSyzygy3335 жыл бұрын
OMG.. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR OPENING MY EYES.
@dagmar16405 жыл бұрын
Lately, I have got the feeling I do not know anymore who I really am, used to be and would like to become again. It is not going to be easy to rebuild my self-respect and the person I used to be. Where to start? Maybe, focus on people who see me the way I used to see myself before.....
@amanda24885 жыл бұрын
I'm so happy I found your channel! I have had a strange feeling about one of my co workers, but it's all been hunches. Two days ago now I had an argument with him and the true colors came out. Your videos really helped me and they will also help me in the future with spotting and handling these type of people! Thank you Sir, thank you!
@valeriegriner56445 жыл бұрын
Very good video....with many great points! I especially liked the part where you said, "I cannot let this damaged person dictate the person that I am going to be." I spent my whole life trying to please my narcissistic mother (who has a VERY brutal, caustic tongue), and I finally realized that nothing would please her. Some people do not need to have children...especially the narcissists! They have no nurturing skills nor empathy.
@runwiththewind32815 жыл бұрын
Thank you for helping me understand Superb behavioural synopsis
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Thanks! Dr. C
@annemeridien33845 жыл бұрын
I have been watching many of your videos over the last few months. Thank you so much for giving clarity to my life.
@enquiriesgraphology7555 жыл бұрын
Dear Doctor, every time I hear your splendid talks I am more and more convinced you are an authority on a world scale in the sphere of Narcissism, of this I am in no doubt. Alas I only can wish in hindsight that I could have had your wisdom some many decades ago: I am seriously damaged by a cruel narcissistic father. It is almost as though you knew him personally, from the accuracy of your descriptions in this video. I am so grateful to you for making sense of my father, albeit late in my 7th decade. Thank you from deep down, I am sincerely grateful to you.
@SurvivingNarcissism5 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much. Your words mean a lot to me. Dr. C