1- we respect each other boundaries 0:20 2- we don't lose ourselves in the relationship 1:20 3- we can disagree 1:43 4- we encourage each other 3:42 5- we have realistic expectations about ourselves and each other 4:22 6- my needs are being met, my partner needs are too 5:20 7- there is safety 8:04

Wow. This solidified just how unhealthy and toxic my first marriage was. It also showed me how healthy my current relationship is. Thank you!

It's important to discuss what healthy is. This is very clear.

As extreme as this may sound, the more that I listen to you, the more convinced that I must indefinitely stay away from my family, particularly my remaining parent, because based upon the 7 signs of a healthy relationship, we don't have one and I dare to say nor have we ever.

Great video. I'm in a healthy relationship for the first time in my life and finally feel loved and safe. We are engaged and getting married this fall.

Your one of the best on the internet. Clear, concise and you explain things.

Oh bless you doctor this is amazing. What a gift. This is a gift of what life really is.

In a healthy relationship there is safety and absence of fear. Healthy relationships are encouraging and nurturing. Thank you.

Wow! thank you so much for this well thought out list of specifics! Great video, I watched it twice and took notes. My partner and I are trying to improve our relationship because it’s rather toxic currently, so we appreciate the guidance. I like the details and examples you give too, and how these things go for any type of relationship, not just romantic. I really wish they taught these things in school because not all of our parents have any clue about how to have a healthy relationship and they end up teaching us all the wrong things in what they model for us, unfortunately.

I would very much appreciate/benefit from a video (or series, hahaha) with information on how not to lose yourself in a relationship. I am guilty of this and desperately hope to correct my behavior and avoid repeating it in the future. Thank you, kindly!

I think this is terrific

“Needs are different from demands.” 🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

Thank you for highlighting the positive angle of looking for the healthy signs and modeling words and behaviors to replicate.

Very good information. The part about feeling safe and nurtured hit especially hard.

I agree, there's no such thing called "unconditional love", maybe in movies and such but in real life love is a 2 way street.

The sign that truly, deeply registered with me is expectations. Strangely, I look at some areas in my life, personally and socially, I see now that my expectations were and are too high- expecting because they are this and they are that- when in reality, we are all flawed. One of my teachers told me: "You're asking too much of life." He is always right. Thank you. Wonderful videos and teachings.

I have a simple strategy: 1) Don't marry a jerk. 2) Don't be a jerk. 🙂

You reminded me of a question that I once asked my therapist many years ago: "How far should agape love go?" His response: "Until you start hurting yourself." 😉

Thank you for sharing your wisdom! Great stuff

Yes, conditional love. Exclusivity is a reasonable condition for intimate relationship.

Very happy to have found your channel. Really like your style of explanation. It's great that you are not just limited to the usual romantic/spousal/familial relationships. Hope to see more about friendship and professional relationships.

I have to admit there are times when I just give in to my wife, such as today, when she insisted on buying me a bottle of a very fine Adelaide Hills whisky to have while we're lying together on the couch at night watching movies. She tries to make me do things I love doing. I'll probably be the wretched victim of romping passionate sex later as well. Joking aside: it's a pretty good place to be in to be in a relationship where both people are devoted to trying to make life as good for the other as possible. I think this is fairly close to the core of what real love is really about; it isn't just a feeling but a coherent pattern of actions as well.

Thank you for your channel. I appreciate the steady speed and clarity of the delivery of your presentation. I can listen and absorb without my nervous system getting triggered. Calm, drama free, no trendy hype .. I can just relax to really hear what you have to say on this emotionally difficult topic.

That is impressive. You are literally explaining what I have craved for years. In the save breath you are also articulating my stark reality with an NPD wife. (Sadly not diagnosed). But she iS very happy to diagnose others as having NPD. I wish I could tell a story here about this but I can’t due to privacy reasons.

Thank you, I have been searching for an explanation like this for a while now.

Thank you 💞 love from Albuquerque

Right on again 👍🏼. Thank you, I have reconnected with a lady I have known my whole life . She saved a picture of us at age 6 😊she is A true friend. I am so glad we got all seven 👍🏼. Thank you again 🙏🏼

Thank you ever so much for making this video. Narc mother, sociopathic father. I know what "NOT" to do. However, this knowledge isn't pro active.

Excellent information! Thank you. Could you please increase the volume on your videos?

Beautifully stated Darren. Thank you.

Very good insight thank you for this information very helpful

Relative to my family, I just don't want them in my system.

I thought I had a healthy relationship, but there was neglect [workaholism but the narrative was he was building a career for our family. He wasn't.] There was rage [when pressed to put his needs aside so some of mine could be met. But before rage came the semblance of encouragement and listening until I watched what he did and not what he said and held him to account. Then, rage, indeed] And, as you might guess, there were lies. So. Many. Lies. And he was a master at it. He was able to play act at healthy for a long time.

Walking off John Wayne style! 😂

Excellent 👍

Thank you! 🤩

Hello doctor. I have been following you for a couple of days and I am glad that I found you. Your videos are very informative, especially about narcissistic behavior. I really appreciate your efforts in creating these videos. My friend's wife is a narcissist. He has been struggling with her for 10 years now. She is trying to isolate him from his friends and family. When he tries to ignore his wife, she tries to victimize the daughter. Can you please make a video on how to handle a narcissist who victimizes the kids to control the husband? He wants to divorce her, but he is very concerned about his daughter. He is stuck

Absolutely stupendous, Thank you Darren, Just what I needed to hear, unconditional love is a myth, Fear is in toxic relationships, Genuine love in healthy relationships, This needs to be taught in schools, Peace, love to you and everyone, Thank you universe 💞😀😍🧿💫🧝‍♀️✨️🦅👁♾️🥰👽😁😃🌈🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌😀💞

This is great!!!

A self-described narcissist engaged to a borderline. We have 2, 4, 5, and 6 so far. The ones we're missing don't even cause that much friction, and having a shared "self" is a total head trip. We're both psychology geeks, so the whole managing of trigger points and what to expect from the other based on what we are is in spades.

I am sure that I can always do better in my relationship with my wife, but i do suspect she has ADHD. This makes our relationship very difficult at times. Will you do some videos on ADHD and relationships?

Just in case you miss the drop-down list in the show notes (copied and pasted)... Darren Magee discusses seven signs of a good, healthy relationship 1 - Boundaries are respected 2 - Agreeing to disagree and resolving conflict and differences constructively 3 - We don't lose our sense of self, our identity, our self respect in the relationship 4 - Encouragement, not discouragement and constant criticism 5 - Managing expectations on self and other person 6 - Are your needs being met? Is the other persons? 7 - Safety, the relationship is a safe and nurturing place for both people, not fearing reactions and behaviours from the other person.

And you get back... nothing. yep. sounds like my relationship. I could never get anything right, nothing was ever enough. I was always on the defensive, trying to prove myself. Any form of counter questioning was always met with the silent treatment and rage. needless to say, it wasn't a healthy relationship, far from it, but I pushed on because of the breadcrumbs sprinkled here and there and because of the "hope" it would get better. Two decades later... it did not. thanks you.

❤️

My volume is completely high & I can't catch a word you're saying!

👍

first

You get nothing in return 🤨

A lion 🦁 will only attach and eat a human if he is hungry 😋; in other words, if the lion 🦁 is feeding properly feed and has his needs meet, he won’t attack. If our needs are being met, we aren’t needy.

I dont believe "healthy" relationships are possible amongst humans. Every family, generation after generation, have people with NPD and codependent personality disorders (or worse) because they keep doing what their parents did to them, then they do it to their children, this is easily seen when you are open and HONEST about what goes on in your family. Guess what? Most people dont. Everyone denies their issues and they just continue to live in toxic environments for entire lifetimes. I fully know and understand my family background of alcoholics, Narcs, codependents. EVERY family is the SAME as mine was. With this knowledge can I change MY behavior? NO. So I chose to not have kids because I refuse to bring kids into this world of dysfunction when I knew what I would end up doing to them (even though I didnt want to, people cannot change. If healthy relationships existed, it would be SO EASY to prove because the children would be thriving and "love themselves" have good self worth, ect. But does anyone? No. Not even you making these videos. With each new generation the kids are getting worse with their problems of addiction (not just drugs but with food, alcohol, sex, porn, gaming, ect), depression, anxiety, personality disorders, ect ect ect. Society as a whole is getting WORSE with each new generation, not better. What does that tell you?