Now that I'm an adult I can see that the way my mother raised me really set me up to be a codependent. The way she raised me growing up (to be a people-pleaser, never taught me about boundaries) really made me the perfect target for narcissists and emotional abusers.

Your videos gave me the strength to leave my boyfriend of 5.5 years today... thank you. It was an extremely emotionally abusive relationship

Thank you for this FREE therapy session the world needs more people like you .

I'm a fixer and selfless. It has brought me nothing but pain the last few relationships. I have allowed my girlfriends to manipulate me and just make me feel like I'm not good enough. Thankfully watching your videos and doing self soothing work has me realizing that I am better off without them. So thank you.

Thx a ton. 1. Self sooth/ love n stand up for ur own wants n feelings. 2. Learn to say no 3. Stop fixing others problems at ur own cost.

I'm a recovering codependent/empath many failed relationships from unhealthy choices with substance abusers and narcissists. desperate for acceptance and Love my mother was critical ..emotionally absent and verbally abusive. in my sixties now and no longer looking outside for love and validation. I'm free !!!

When your putting more effort towards other people's problems or life than they're willing to, that's another sign to me of codependency.

People pleasers have to understand including myself that you can’t help a person who doesn’t want to be helped or feels like they don’t need help.

Thank you so much for your help!!!! I can’t afford therapy and you have no idea how much your helping me be so aware!!!

I’m CHOOSING to put my past behind me and create a new life to me from NOW ON.

"My happiness is my responsibility." Damn. If only I'd thought that instead of placing happiness on my ex and her behaviours. Dear oh dear. I failed miserably.

"No one has to agree with me" GIRL. The day i accept this is the day my life changes. I'm not there yet 🤣 This is a POWERFUL video. Thank you 🙏🏾

It's so important for parents to validate their children's feelings. To invalidate them is simply another form of cruelty inflicted on children.

Really good information. You cannot give your all to someone unless you have respect for yourself. The idea is to love your neighbour as yourself, not love your neighbour and hate yourselves. Thanks

I put up two simple boundaries with my fiancé & he ran off almost a month ago. It hurts so bad that I keep attracting narcs & they mistreat & then discard me. I’m happy for information like this. I realize that I need to heal & work on myself before I ever think of dating. I hate how damaged I am.

I am a co-dependent poster child. Grew up never being enough..severe emotional and mental abuse from parents and siblings...I take on everyone's problems..I end up fixing or atleast trying to fix everyone's life and make everyone happy. It's gotten me nowhere. Thank you for this video✨

4:21 You are responsible for your own happiness, no one else Validate your feelings 5:20 Decide how you want to feel 7:14 STOP! Its not your job to put someone else's needs and wants ahead of your own. 10:20 Know what YOU want, honor yourself, stand up for yourself 11:40 Oxygen Mask Principle 12:05 Let go of the need to fix others 12:49 *Understand* that Everyone is on Their Own journey 13:29 You can't make anyone happy or make them love you 14:43 You Have To have the Self Awareness of when you are Entering into Codependency - How do YOU feel, What do YOU want?

Took 50 plus yrs, to figure out I can love myself for just who I am and seek people who enjoy my company. Don’t try so hard anymore. Just am enjoying life more...not so worried about the outcome.

4 minutes in and I’m already crying. This really hits home. I’m so codependent it’s ridiculous and I feel as if I’ll never be able to break the cycle. I’m trying so hard.

God healed me of the spirit of abandonment. He said He will never leave me or forsake me. He is not like man that He shall lie.

My inner critic has my mother's voice....you're absolutely correct about how wonderful it is to liberate yourself from that voice.

So hard to break the cycle 😩

I am definitely a love seeker Addicted to getting approval from my family, an spouse. If he doesn't approve of my decisions or me..i feel lost. I lost my identity long time ago. ..but I have been reconnecting with my self, and know my spouse is very angry with me,an has become verbally aggressive, and abusive! He says i cant make it without him..it hurts so bad the way he attacks my self esteem! I am scared to loose him,but I cant loose myself!

When someone asks you to do something You do it anyways You don’t want to do it but you do it You don’t do it but you feel like you are a horrible person

i'm codependent.I'm working on it.thanks steph.

"what do I need, how do I feel" Going to start asking myself this everyday now. Thank you!

I cried through this whole video. This was my first step in even tackling this issue.

“How do I feel?” “What do I want?”

I didn't mean to put myself in this situation. I just gave her all my time, all my money and all my love. I didn't realize that would make me codependent. You live, you learn. I hate no one, altho8g6h at one point I hated myself for my actions and who I had become. I have crawled out of the hole i built and it feels good to see the sun again. Your videos have helped many, including myself. Thank you always..

I've been practicing these steps for a couple years now and it has ended up me pretty much cutting everyone outta my life because I was surrounded by people sucking the life outta me. Now I feel lonely, unmotivated and not wanted. I feel like I might've went a lil overboard on the boundaries. 😬 I can't stop thinking about and feeling how I need someone in my life to motivate me to be productive in my day. Loneliness kills me. But I'm staying strong, not giving in and consistently trying to get myself to do more than enough. I feel stuck, somewhere in the middle of who I used to be and who I want to be. Thank you for you videos Stephanie. 💜

After leaving an abusive narcissistic ex, I think my codependency transferred from him to our child. I'm realizing I have to fix this for my own mental health and to set a healthy example for her!! Thank you Stephanie!!!

Something I've been telling myself lately when I want to jump in and fix someone's situation is that I'm just a band aid. I'll think I'm helping someone but the problem is deeper then that and they need to do something about it themselves. I can't just be someone's band aid every time.

How to overcome codependency: 1. Tell people what you want 2. Letting go of fixing others and force lessons for others 3. Self awareness

When codependency is all you’ve known, how does decide what they want or need? It’s as if I’ve lost myself needing to discover the real me.

I just cried so much, it’s so true, I didn’t even realise I was co-dependant until recently. Your videos help a lot. Thank you

Oh god it's so uncomfortable I didn't realise that's what I'm feeling I just cried because this is how it feels it's very distressing and I'm trying to tolerate it it's almost unbearable but I've got to get through it.

Lmfao I’m the bird falling to the ground lols

Thank you! I’m the fixer & I want my loved ones to be happy, so I go over & above to make them happy 😖 . I’ve been used & I feel resentment. I’ve neglected myself for other people 😪 I know I have to change this behaviour.

I'm really really happy you did this video. Can I tell you how on time this video is for me. I kept thinking why I wasn't good enough for my ex and if only he could see me now he would want me because my life more resembles "perfection". All trash thinking. You have been a big help to me overcoming codependency

I now realize how critical my mother was & how absent my father was. Wow! Such a winning combination. No wonder I need counseling & videos Mom was always there to point out my flaws 😔

This video basically versed EVERYTHING I have been feeling and working through with my therapist. Wow, thank you. I still find it hard to not seek validation from the outside but am trying to work on it.

I’m just now on my journey to stop being codependent due to things I’ve gone through. It has been awkward and miserable because it’s so hard, and I honestly am not even sure where to start. Thank you for posting this. This helped honestly validate everything I’m feeling.

Now I know why I keep attracting certain relationships, thank you ❤️

I needed this so badly!!! A COMPLETE EYE OPENER for me!!!! Love from India!!!!

As a Real Estate Agent who also buys and sales houses , it’s difficult to not try and save the day. I have realized more and more that I need pull back after so much abuse. I had to realize I can save the world and that all money isn’t good money as well. The truth is some people love to suffer and complain , the don’t want help and I need to know the difference so I can have the energy to use my talent , gift Skill and abilities on those that are positive and deserve it.

I can relate to this video so much, especially wanting to fix and help

Ha, this is all I ever do. Fix, fix, fix. What? Still not happy yet? Fix some more!

Thanks for your response. I am glad that you agree. For the longest time we were taught that true love was unconditional and there are times when that type of love is appropriate. However there are some people that can take advantage of you because of your values. In those situations it is quite okay to not bind yourself by those very same principles. You are not closing the door on bad people. They close the door on themselves. Be good to the good and feel quite fine while walking away from the bad. Thanks again for your response

oh wow, I haven't looked at it so far like that. If as children we haven't received love from our parents or approval and we had to please them to be loved and still didn't receive much, our child's cup was all the time empty. In adulthood we are still looking to fill this cup by other people, so we again try to please them and seek validation and approval from them, and we still do not get it. The solution - fill that cup yourself....As children we weren't able to fill our cup, this was our parents job, but as adults we ourselves have to fill this cup for our inner child. This inner child is still waiting and waiting...

Simply put, internal > external. Great video and may all of us codependents get stronger, focus on ourselves more, honor our boundaries, and continue to positively impact everyone around us.

My parents' relationship was rocky when I was a kid. My mom was always threatening to leave but she also leaned on me a lot to be her sounding board. I think that gave me a saviour complex, having to parent my parent. I'm an HSP and my mom is a narcissist but I feel she's getting better.

“I’m surprised that a human being is capable of understanding how I feel” basically summarises my reaction to this video. My mind was blown and felt personally attacked but I really appreciate you making this video. I really needed this. Thank you :)

Thank you Stephanie! I recently broke up with my gf, and I am struggling with loneliness and the inability to meet my own needs. It has been very painful, but it is a learning I must do. Your video has brought me some concrete advice in how to heal. Thank you very much

Thank you so much for this.

A traumatic situation happened to my partner and me. He has narcissist tendencies and I have codependent tendencies which stems from an innate feeling of not being enough. Everything you said in this video is spot on! The traumatic event happened. He folded in order to protect himself which meant neglecting me and not having an emotional tie to the situation, I overcompensated in fear that if I didn't 'compromise' I would lose him, and instead realized I was losing me. Anyway, now instead of focusing on the situation at hand and allowing it to unfold in a healthy way, I've found myself in fight or flight mode. But nope! I choose now to hunker down and be grounded within myself, and to feed myself with all the love I need to really heal from this traumatizing experience. Yay to self love!

Doesnt mean they were alcoholics, drug addicts or beat us. That is my past. Finally, somebody has my number. Thank you.

WoW 🙌🏻👏🏻 this has been the story of my life. Without realizing the core wound 🙄 I’m a true empath. I’ve always felt the other persons pain and wanted to help them at the expense of my own happiness but I honestly believe it cane from my love not from a place of void or wounding, or people pleasing. Omg so me...absolutely...I would try to help ppl to detriment of my emotional, physical and spiritual health. That’s when I realized I can’t help ppl whom don’t want to be helped. You can’t force ppl to heal when they’re not ready.

Thank you for these videos, they’ve helped so much 💕

Just listening to you is such a healing already. Thank you!

Thank you for this, I am still working on honoring myself and my feelings. I tend to choose to keep my mouth shut to keep someone in my life that isn't respecting or honoring my feelings. I think a lot of the reason also that I don't get respect from some people is because I don't respect myself and I am used to feeling hurt and conditioned to feel like I am not that important so it becomes familiar to me.

Codependency and narcissism tend to come from the same emotional space of deep inner-wounding; both types of people are in a sense, equally wounded and damaged. The difference between them is that the codependent person has self-awareness. So in a sense, we could almost say that the codependent person is almost more accountable for their behavior, since they are capable of knowing what they are doing. Is it moral to willingly self-destruct? No, the codependent person is actually acting immorally at a deep level. The codependent person has to learn to take moral accountability for their destructive actions (even though that destruction is directed at the self and not other people). It is neither moral, nor wise, to go through yourself being weak-willed, and deliberately choosing the victim role. Unfortunately, western societies tend to encourage people to adopt codependent attitudes and them label that self-sacrifice as both moral and virtuous. And the bitter truth is that nothing could be less virtuous than the choice to be codependent. It's not an empathy thing; it's a will thing. We have to realize that, sometimes, it is far more empathetic to set down a boundary and force someone else to take accountability for their actions (assuming that person is not a narcissist).

Thank you. Thank you. 💖 The information is both a great overview and guide to selfhealing of codependency. Internal dialogue of ones own feelings and setting boundaries is so key ! Stephanie, you are saving people one by one with your work. 🕊

crying while listening to this... mm i appreciate you for this video !

Wow OMG 🙈 that’s how Iv been living for years 😢 Thank you so much 🙏

This information is so important for me and other codependents to hear. Thank you for creating these videos, you help arm us with knowledge to grow and be better, more whole people.

Thank you...tears in my eyes...recognise myself

We worry about abandonment of others but worse is the abandonment of ourselves. I prefer now to be alone for most part and true to myself. I too took on others issues but now realize I robbed others to learn from these experiences. Thank you for your videos.

Thanks Stephanie ❤. Your information is helpful. I have allowed people to step all over me and they continue to do and they feel it's their right to do so. What makes it difficult is the kids being used as bait in all this, and they look at me as the one who is overreacting to everything. They don't see the abuser.

That was excellent I’ve been working on my codependency for years and you put everything in a nutshell thank you so very much you’re doing an awesome job at explaining the stuff

Sometimes it’s as if you are speaking directly to me! Great video and as always, great advice. Thanks Stephanie :)

I’m so glad I stumbled upon your videos. Each one has been speaking to me as I navigate through my personal growth and the codependent relationship I’ve had with my husband and others. Thank you.

From now on I stop over giving. Thank you very much

Awesome advice! I was married to two narcissistic men and tried so hard to be perfect for them yet it eventually tore me down. I’m on the path to put myself first for healthy reasons!

no one has to like me. it’s not someone else’s responsibility to give me love, to validate what I’m feeling, to be okay with what I’m thinking or feeling. honor what I feel. making it okay to feel what I feel. my happiness is my responsibility. i don’t need someone to agree with me. #codependency

I’m mind boggled by people who thumbs down her videos really 🤦🏾‍♀️ ? She is an AMAZING coach. I love her videos Thank you 😊

You've helped me so much. I have been subscribed for a while and your videos have been enlightening, freeing, and life-changing. Thank you, Thank you. I can't thank you enough.

Came across this film at the right time. I needed this talk. Thank you 🙏🏽🙏🏽

HELLLL TO THE YEAH. love you, steph!

Stephanie, I needed to hear this message tonight! Your videos always challenge me to make changes within myself that help me improve my life! Thank you for the content you provide, it really helps!

OMG! This has been the best video I have seen in my entire life! Thank you for explaining it to the T! This has changed my life and all of a sudden everything has come full circle ♥️

Validate your feelings 4:40 that's good stuff. I have to acknowledge the feeling, the reason from it, and then move thru it thru Christ. My burden is too much for one person to heal from, my strength and courage comes from the Lord. God bless yall and your relationships 🙏 🙌 ❤️

Thank you so much!!! You are just saving me, teaching me a lot and I can say that you are one of the reasons I am in the place I am in today. Still working on myself but the progress that I have made is amazing, a lot because of you. And well, me. 😊

Really helps! Divorce after 40 yrs. Always took care of everyone else and not myself. Thanks for motivation and seeing what I need to do for ME!

I just found your videos and I love them!! I didn’t realize my codependent tendencies and now it makes sense that I ended up with a narcissists for 11 years then got blind sided by another one in my next relationship.. time for me!

I was raised as a Christian and to say or even think "my happiness comes first" or "I come first" is the opposite of what I was taught. I took these lessons to heart and I'm sure I'm not alone in this mindset. How can you do what Jesus would do if you put yourself first? I think this is the biggest reason that I am codependent.

Wow!! So much healing im receiving. Thumbs up Steph! Incredible insight. I hope to be a coach one day to. Keep it up. Its helping people.

Wow this was such a great eye opener for me. I feel like everything I do for this man is never enough.

Absolutely priceless advice for ALL! Thank you!

This video was so good! It reminded me to keep my boundaries up and take care of me. Thanks for sharing!🤗

Thank you 🙏🏽 this is so helpful for people who can’t afford therapy, please never stop ❤️❣️

Thank you for all the help and support with your videos.

I wanted to thank you for creating these videos and your podcast! Listening to them has really helped me so much! Thank you Stephanie!

Thank you for this fantastic video! ❤

Very informative and eye opening. Starting to work through my codependency.

Wow! This video hit home for me. Thank you for helping me on my healing journey!

I think I'm nearly there. Making progress. Parents emotionally unavailable as a child. Critical mother. In lots of ways mom is codependent, people pleaser, controlling and manipulative. For years, I was approval seeking from her. One day it occurred to me i was never going to get what I needed or wanted from her. She simply isnt capable and it was lost energy for me. Now my focus is mostly inward. I have fears when it comes to romantic relationships. Ones of not being accepted and of being abandoned. I am okay being alone. I've been emotionally alone nearly my entire life. This is the part I am currently working on at 52. Better late than never. I've been on this self discovery journey for 11 years now. It comes as it comes. Behaviors can be difficult to change. We just have to keep at it. Awareness didn't come soon enough. The rabbit hole runs deep.

Omg thank you for this please make more videos about the PROCESS AND STEPS to fix this my life is a living HELL

Stephanie, your videos are life-changing. Thank you so much for doing this work. 💕

This video hit so many chords within me. Thank you, thank you, thank you 😊 I needed this.

I just started watching your videos Stephanie and I wanted to tell you that I absolutely appreciate them and identify with them. Your videos are helping me to be the whole person that I desire and deserve to be. I wanted to say thank you