Stephen Colbert’s Cyborgasm: iPhone 15 Pro | Robocar Sex

Stephen Colbert’s Cyborgasm: iPhone 15 Pro | Robocar Sex | NYPD’s Subway Robot

Рет қаралды 610,072

9 ай бұрын

Stephen Colbert loves technology almost as much as he loves his tech-focused segment, Cyborgasm! In this edition our host looks at overheating iPhones, the NYPD’s new robot cop, and people having sex in San Francisco’s driverless taxi cabs. #Colbert #Comedy #Cyborgasm
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Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.

Пікірлер: 475

@DragonFae16 9 ай бұрын

You would think that the year 3000 would taste like extinction. Though, considering the review, maybe it does.

@WestOfEarth 9 ай бұрын

I was sure Stephen was going to make a Dr. Who reference when he showed the NYPD robotic police unit. It reminds me of a Dalek.

@robertcartier5088 9 ай бұрын

Unless there were Daleks in Middle Earth, he would have no clue.

@LordLOC 9 ай бұрын

@@robertcartier5088 He's talked about Doctor Who plenty of times, and I'd be shocked if any of the writers on his staff aren't familiar with Doctor Who as well.

@WestOfEarth 9 ай бұрын

@@robertcartier5088 excellent point :)

@Dlf212 9 ай бұрын

Exterminate Exterminate Exterminate Exterminate Exterminate .... YOU WILL CEASE YOUR PISSING ON MEEEEEE! ....

@chrisandersen5635 9 ай бұрын

I think you’re thinking of Craig Ferguson. Much missed host of whatever you call that show. Oh yeah! The anniversary specials are next month. So stoked. Doctor and Donna together again. Wow! Wobbly indeed. Sorry everyone.

@Z-Strike026 9 ай бұрын

"What is my purpose?" "You deliver food." "Oh my god. . ."

@charityquill4965 9 ай бұрын

It's a perfect size to carry it off, and it's full of food! What they thinking? I don't think I can even bring myself to judge the guy that took the bot really

@johndododoe1411 9 ай бұрын

@@charityquill4965It's a disposable robot for transporting cheap food . Every time one is stolen or smashed, they get to sell a new one, just like the shopping bags, only more profitable .

@danacronise4128 9 ай бұрын

I swear The Late Show has the BEST writers in late night! I watch them all but laugh the most at The Late Show!

@thesoundsmith 9 ай бұрын

Agreed. I hope the Daily Show works out its issues soon, since Trevor left it has NOT been the same. He was the one serious contender for LNK (Late Nite King.) The Jimmies and Seth are great, but even though it's Fat Bear Week, there's only ONE Stephen Cold Bear...

@stone1andonly 9 ай бұрын

What do you mean "had"?

@billyeveryteen7328 9 ай бұрын

I love Stephen Colbert, but I would disagree. Conan O'Brien had on his first late night show as writers: Robert Smigel, Bob Odenkirk, Tommy Blacha, Brian Stack (who now writes for Colbert), Brian McCann, and Jon Glaser. And as an amusing quirk, at one point or another had the following people as interns: Jack McBrayer, John Krasinski, Vanessa Bayer, Mindy Kaling, and Ellie Kember.

@janetownley 9 ай бұрын

@@stone1andonlyI suspect just another typo. These days, people don’t bother to correct ‘em

@danacronise4128 9 ай бұрын

@pattyayers correct, it was a typo, which I did fix. It took me a few days because I don't spend every moment online checking the comments. These days, people are so negative and quick to judge.

@Corsuwey 9 ай бұрын

Seriously have missed Late Shows. The only way to make a lot of things these days palpable is to bring a large amount of humor mixed with some cowpies and a very, VERY large industrial fan.

@RabblesTheBinx 9 ай бұрын

I don't think you understand what "palpable" means...

@williamwolf2844 9 ай бұрын

He misnomered the fallacy of inferring the implications.

@janetownley 9 ай бұрын

@@RabblesTheBinxLOL.. no, he doesn’t, but we know he meant something like “tolerable”.

@janetownley 9 ай бұрын

Current events are all too palpable without any humor or “cowpies” 😊

@Smeginator 9 ай бұрын

That’s remarkably specific

@contactking 9 ай бұрын

"Is bad ... don't drink it." I'm so glad you're all back. I needed that laugh.

@alonealien1474 9 ай бұрын

Thank you for reminding me of "San Francisco (Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair)"! Had forgotten how much I liked that corny song. 😄

@TaskForceHorse 5 ай бұрын

good morning vierituinom i meannn SANNNNM FRAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN SICCCCCCCCCCCScccccccccccccOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO🏳‍⚧

@TaskForceHorse 5 ай бұрын

oh rip robin

@TaskForceHorse 5 ай бұрын

⚧🫂

@walterfristoe4643 9 ай бұрын

Sometimes chihuahuas feel like a nut, sometimes they don't. 🤣

@TaskForceHorse 5 ай бұрын

up to somewhere

@myracarol4114 9 ай бұрын

I had finally given up and stopped checking to see if you were back Mr Colbert. All of a sudden I see a video. And I was shocked my nightly routine could finally go back to normal. GLAD TO HAVE YOU BACK!!!! cheers 🥂

@laalaa99stl 9 ай бұрын

Robot cop: You have 20 seconds to stop laughing!

@derekstein6193 9 ай бұрын

Give it a multi-use taser and the laughter will quickly stop.

@hawkeye5955 9 ай бұрын

ED209: "You have 10 seconds to stop laughing. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I am now authorized to use deadly force." *starts firing 20mm rounds, then sputters and shuts down*

@bearnecessitits 9 ай бұрын

@@derekstein6193 Cardboard shield and pee through a glory hole. Solved.

@stoodmuffinpersonal3144 9 ай бұрын

didn't we make a movie about how robo cops were a bad idea?

@MonkeyJedi99 9 ай бұрын

Imagine if NYC has spent that robot money on things like making sure the trains ran on time and didn't break down mid-tunnel? Or hired some more cleaning staff? Or added more passenger capacity so riders wouldn't have to cross the city in someone's armpit?

@johnmoreno4212 9 ай бұрын

We need more of this segment!please!!

@sweetcherry7759 9 ай бұрын

Cheers to the Writers! 🥂 Bless you & the work you do!

@karebear9773 9 ай бұрын

So great to have the writers and this show back!

@smoothrocky1847 9 ай бұрын

but it sounds like Stephen is developing a sore throat...

@noneofyourbusiness4133 9 ай бұрын

Nope. Not happy. This guy fills 50% of his joke segments with random chats, audience psychophants, and endless flipping applause.

@Ukraine4TheWin 9 ай бұрын

@@noneofyourbusiness4133 But look on the bright side, it gives you an outlet to bitch and whine endlessly.

@ThatOpalGuy 9 ай бұрын

@@noneofyourbusiness4133 sucks to be popular, huh

@ThatOpalGuy 9 ай бұрын

@DontFakeTheFunk youll understand them in a few years. Hang on!

@Lunarplex 9 ай бұрын

I want that cyborg coffee machine!

@Ireneharnack1138 9 ай бұрын

The story ends with A Dalek of course! Everybody knows that.

@heartofdawn2341 9 ай бұрын

Of course Coke Y3000 sucks. "Artificial Intelligence" is just a fancy autocomplete, and it's being used by a company that's essentially bottled "hello, fellow kids"

@SpicyGramCracker 9 ай бұрын

This won’t age well 😅

@SheyD78 9 ай бұрын

I wouldn't say it's bad, but it doesn't quite make it to good either. Plus I couldn't tell what the flavour was. Vaguely related to coke vanilla perhaps but even more artificial.

@jpdemer5 9 ай бұрын

@@SheyD78 It appeals to robots . . . what did you expect?

@nannerz1994 9 ай бұрын

After years of being ridiculed, no, us Android users will not let you iPhone 15 users use our USBC cables. Sorry 💅

@ambercaldwell5396 9 ай бұрын

I agree with you. I am also an s23 ultra user, so it totally beats the iPhone 15 due to the fact it's the same phone as nothing changes. The only thing they changed was the USB c port sense they needed one. And they act like it's something new. 😂 I never had apple phone, nor will I buy one. I am happy to be the club of Android users.

@eteldias5176 9 ай бұрын

😂

@Soguwe 9 ай бұрын

It's not even a modern USB c It's the same shitty Chip that made lightning obsolete, but now with a USB C connector

@Mediaright 9 ай бұрын

@@Soguwe ...not on the Pros. That sucker is full USB 3. Apple ships a 2 cable, but all the phone manufacturers do. A 3 cable isn't that expensive though.

@Soguwe 9 ай бұрын

@@Mediaright USB 3 isn't Pro, it's basic shit Unless you buy Apple I guess, then you have to bleed for anything beyond 2008

@carolholder1145 9 ай бұрын

ThankyouThankyouThankyou Stephen Colbert and WRITERS! My mental health is so much better now that you are ALL back! I love you guys!!!!

@NewMessage 9 ай бұрын

Been a long time since we've had a cybergasm... Well... together, anyway.

@Ralphieboy 9 ай бұрын

In the year 2525 If Coca-Cola can survive, they may find...

@AlleyTrashBoards 9 ай бұрын

In the year 3535 You won’t need your mouth or your eyes Coca-cola ads will be shot in your brains While coca-cola is pumped straight in you vanes

@jpdemer5 9 ай бұрын

Z&E FTW. (But you're dating yourself...)

@Ralphieboy 9 ай бұрын

Z&E are timeless, they were a gag on "Futurama" a while back

@missedmurphy 9 ай бұрын

A bottle cap which is now currency

@stephenjames2951 9 ай бұрын

I think silicone valley is a different place.

@chrisbredesen 9 ай бұрын

Thanks you writers. Glad you're back.

@ralphmarbaniang 9 ай бұрын

Stephen, I'm am so, so greatful that you're back. I have missed your particular blend of humour and concern 🥹🤗

@thatjeff7550 9 ай бұрын

I've missed Stephen so much!

@The_Infamous_Boogyman 9 ай бұрын

I think u meant siliCON valley, Stephen. 😅 siliCONE valley has bigger....hills. 😂😂😂

@miroslavresetka8085 9 ай бұрын

I want the terminator skull coffee maker soooo much 🤣

@pattygman4675 9 ай бұрын

Can someone please make a real T-800 skull coffee maker already. Complete with sound effects.

@gyrene_asea4133 9 ай бұрын

Oh, that Coor's Light reference was killer! Thanks, needed a laugh...

@dasstigma 9 ай бұрын

The robotaxi is the most surprising news. You put 2 humans into an enclosed space with nothing to do and they start to fuck?? Nobody could have seen this coming.

@jpdemer5 9 ай бұрын

All I could thik was, I pity the next passenger.

@awlig 9 ай бұрын

All of these automatons being unleashed in amerika reminds me of a robot that was sent to travel amerika from europe. The robut was to promote something nice like friendship across nations and had sucessfully made trips through other countries of the world Didnt make it even a week or very far in to amerika when it was found mangled and destroyed.... Im literally surprised ANYONE gets food sucessfully delivered with a robut like that little wheelie dude The police robut is a joke, there will need to be police to guard the policebot

@figaro-dg5c5 9 ай бұрын

They are great. I like 'em.

@bongmuon 9 ай бұрын

That was the hitchhiking robot. It was from an university in Ontario, Canada, and was first sent across Canada and Europe without incident. It made it Through New York and barely made it to Philadelphia before it was destroyed.

@peterwein1716 9 ай бұрын

@@bongmuon It helps support the idea that the problem with automation in the US is not the automation/AI but the people in the US.

@SpaceForceCommander 9 ай бұрын

There could have been an Uber Eats Robot at the airport before the Diarrhea Plane took off.

@ekdaufin1485 9 ай бұрын

Thank you for the laughs!

@kchiem 9 ай бұрын

0:43 Silicone Valley is San Fernando Valley. Silicon Valley is in the SF bay area.

@user-cz1lt5hm7i 9 ай бұрын

I have missed the court jester -- glad you are back

@jwilliamsNY 9 ай бұрын

Stephen: I love the tech.... Also Stephen: Silicone valley 💀

@jpdemer5 9 ай бұрын

Formerly known as the "Valley of the Dolls."

@mdyas1711 9 ай бұрын

Year 3000, you missed the perfect Slurm joke.

@kwatson4394 9 ай бұрын

Unfortunately, the robot will short circuit as the NYC subway fills with water. #BadDecision

@michaelg1915 9 ай бұрын

Yeah its great but has anyone noticed that "be sure to fuck in a robocar" actually fits the song really really well!?

@granitegrizz 9 ай бұрын

5:28 - You're thinking of 2100. The flavor of Y3K will be sand and extinction.

@forgeustiss6667 9 ай бұрын

Writers don't do math. He inflated the size of his apartment by 200%. That means he added twice the amount of of square footage to the actual square footage. It would be accurate to say he inflated the size to 300% of the actual square footage.

@jpdemer5 9 ай бұрын

These are the people who say "Three times less." IDK what the hell it's even _supposed_ to mean.

@georgeheilman885 9 ай бұрын

AI generated Coca-Cola makes me nostalgic for Coke II, or Crystal Pepsi. Actually, I'm always nostalgic for Crystal Pepsi, that stuff was great.

@cinne2135 9 ай бұрын

Hmm... New Coke isn't on your list. I guess it really was as horrible as I remembered!

@georgeheilman885 9 ай бұрын

@@cinne2135 New Coke is Coke II. It's just a different branding they tried and the one I saw. 🙂

@albertomartinez8144 9 ай бұрын

He should have mentioned that the first humanoid robot factory just opened.

@amlilui 9 ай бұрын

I still do not understand why anyone would think the iPhone is better. Genuinely, I’d love to hear the logic.

@triggSerable 9 ай бұрын

Take a 20/Leave a 20-Bot made me laugh really really hard😂

@nulnoh219 9 ай бұрын

Why yall applauding the lawlessness of la

@jpdemer5 9 ай бұрын

@@nulnoh219 So you think the "Take-a-2020, Leave-a- 20" Bot would work out in other places?

@figaro-dg5c5 9 ай бұрын

Those little robot cars are 😊adorable.

@mason96575 9 ай бұрын

0:06 oof... you didn't have to leave him hanging like that 😭

@obridget02 9 ай бұрын

So glad to see Stephen back. I missed you!❤😂

@krisfrederick5001 9 ай бұрын

Apparently, Coke didn't learn from the 80's "New Coke" blunder. They had to go to the future to eff up all over. 🤷🏼‍♂🤦🏼‍♂

@johndododoe1411 9 ай бұрын

Maybe it's a parody product like their transparent coke that made people think all the other clear colas were bad .

@TheChefmike66 9 ай бұрын

Glad you all are back!

@TheKrispyfort 9 ай бұрын

Coca Cola Y3000 sounds like the perfect beverage to drink while watching the equally good movie 'America 3000'

@getlooky736 9 ай бұрын

Great new segment

@ourv9603 9 ай бұрын

The people of SF must trust their Robotaxi alot to take their eyes off the road during the ride. !

@ConsciencepartyUSA 9 ай бұрын

What’s even stupider is that we have a couple vending machines at work. One is Pepsi products for $.55 while the other one is coke for $1.50. Which one do you think people would prefer to buy more from?

@jpdemer5 9 ай бұрын

I think Pepsi installed both of them.

@ConsciencepartyUSA 9 ай бұрын

@@jpdemer5 i disagree with that bc they both are different brands. Kind like how clothes and shoes are different brands. None of those have really merged like tv networks or airlines companies have. And i did look it up one link says that they did another says that they didn’t so I don’t know which one to believe.

@magsmiss3500 8 ай бұрын

Coke. Without question.

@jpdemer5 8 ай бұрын

@@ConsciencepartyUSA [Whoosh]

@SpaceForceCommander 9 ай бұрын

The slogan for American Beer is “Making Love in a Canoe”. Isn’t that right, ladies and Bruces?

@sailinbob11 9 ай бұрын

I don't get it. I've owned a Samsung galaxy S10 for 5 years and all the previous interactions since the S4. I've got the cheapest carrier Metro. I live on my sailboat in Tampa Bay. I've never had a problem. Even had a friend offer to get me an iPhone for free but I'd have to pay $40 more for service when I didn't have any problems. I think iPhone is as much a cult as Trump. I've never had any Android user bring it up ,but I've had plenty of iPhone users try to convert me like they're a Scientologist. Who cares what phone you use as long as it works ?

@johndododoe1411 9 ай бұрын

Well, if you handle the biggest secrets, the NSA may insist you get a certified phone not made in China and then get it beefed up with a certified anti-wiretap firmware . At least that happened to Florida Man's predecessor and his tweet berry .

@sailinbob11 9 ай бұрын

@@johndododoe1411 I'm a retired yacht builder/sailor/diver living on my antique racing sailboat. If "big brother " wants to take a look ? Who gives a crap ? Also... though I can literally see MacDill Airforce Base from my sailboat ,and service members from all over the world, at 63 I'm hardly a threat ,and the FWC ( wildlife) bug me every couple months checking the dates on my fire extinguishers. Screw em.

@JeffMountainPicker 9 ай бұрын

I don't know what drives Apple snobs; I've never used an iPhone, but my Samsung Galaxy Note20 is pretty darn good. Sure, I've had a few unexpected things down in the Settings jungle that seemed to get stupid after an Android update, but I figure out the new way it works, and voila: it's all normal again. Big deal. I think I just got turned off by Apple being so smug, pretentious, and too cool 😎. My phone works fine. 👍

@canadaclaret 9 ай бұрын

Likewise. My Samsung is totally suitable for me.

@wirelesmike73 9 ай бұрын

"Number of days since NY Robocop has been pushed onto the tracks - ___" ? 🤖?

@ichijofestival2576 9 ай бұрын

If you take a moment to think about it, an automated food delivery cart is *far* preferable to the alternative: self-driving delivery cars that might plow through a pedestrian in their rush to deliver a burger. (Point being, *clearly* AI is not at a point yet where we should entrust it with the power to kill. Especially when the corpos won't have to so much as set foot inside a jail.)

@Blueeyesthewarrior 9 ай бұрын

Evil, but still the lesser evil.

@BullShitThat 9 ай бұрын

So just like humans?

@ladydeerheart1 9 ай бұрын

I missed Stephen right up until he insulted my phone. Droids are not for your amusement Stephen. lol!

@kelleywimberley 9 ай бұрын

Everything I have listened to that is AI generated sucks! I am glad writers were able to overcome AI in their contracts- I wish we all could

@TravisChalmers 9 ай бұрын

"Silicone Valley" 😅

@raygunsforronnie847 9 ай бұрын

I want a Cyborg espresso machine!!!

@kenknight5983 9 ай бұрын

So the writers are suggesting that any smartphones not made by Apple are lame? That's really in touch with the common people

@Trevin_Taylor 9 ай бұрын

Someone’s salty about their shitty phone.

@SpaceForceCommander 9 ай бұрын

Hmm, that NYPD RoboCop looks like a pushover!

@ingridfong-daley5899 9 ай бұрын

Coke Y3000... "is bad. Don't drink it." Which is why we have Vodka. Is Potato. Drink it.

@robertplatt1693 9 ай бұрын

I have never seen the Lowes security robot ever even move ln the parking lot. On a subway platform it will be utterly paralyzed.

@angelikahoring1185 9 ай бұрын

Welcome back, great show 👍🏻👏🏻 ! When will we see Evie again? 😊

@andreakeulen8515 9 ай бұрын

So happy you’re back. Love from the Netherlands!

@chainz691 9 ай бұрын

1:43 whoever wrote this joke must love spending more money than they have to

@MorriganWarrioress 9 ай бұрын

First off, THANK GOODNESS Y'ALL ARE BACK! Second, why is anyone surprised that people are using the robotaxi for hookups? It's the first thing humans do with new tech, figure out how to get freaky with it.

@km-uc2wb 9 ай бұрын

He said, silver surfer. Nice reference!

@rgnestle 9 ай бұрын

Oh, no! The Fallout game series has predicted "Protectrons" in the subway system!!!

@brandonbuckles826 9 ай бұрын

I missed this show. "TayTaytorade" 😆

@louisecharette-bertrand9577 9 ай бұрын

The NYPD’s subway robot the new port-o-potty that you can smell coming towards you. It smells like a crime free subway.

@dmblum1 9 ай бұрын

Ahh, Coors Light... Will you ever win?

@krandeloy 9 ай бұрын

I would reward jokes like that. _I_ am a joke like that.

@godlaster3182 9 ай бұрын

"quick flush the evidence!!"

@MegaTimmytommy 9 ай бұрын

If you’re going to San Francisco… be sure to F**KINAROBOCAR!

@DaHaiZhu 9 ай бұрын

The coffee needs to come out its nose

@jaymo7703 9 ай бұрын

iPhone users: Androids are lame! *Android users all look at each other and laugh*

@russward2612 9 ай бұрын

The flavor of the year 3000 would be "Slurm". The flavor of the year 2505 would be "Brawndo" because it has electrolytes. Lets hope we survive the Idiocracy and make it to a brighter Futurama.

@neen42 9 ай бұрын

Coor light: is bad, dont drink it ... unless it's $2 beer night at a ball park. Then have 6!

@who034 9 ай бұрын

You are starting off your recent reemergence with a bang. Sooo Funneey 🤣👍😂💋👏

@Makarosc 9 ай бұрын

Evidently the year 3000 tastes like peaches and Mangos

@CartoonHero1986 9 ай бұрын

No jokes on the fact the driverless cabs people are having sex in are also called "Cruise"

@RedSinter 9 ай бұрын

😂 That's because they're too cheap to make the Mile High Club.

@pleappleappleap 9 ай бұрын

Launched the Apollo missions? Yeah by a factor of at least several hundred thousand.

@jsizemo 9 ай бұрын

0:59. I hope Stephen is aware that he has to compete against Chihuahua videos for people’s eyeballs!

@Money195625 9 ай бұрын

Coke already tastes like roaches and tire fire😂

@user-lx2rt3en8m 9 ай бұрын

Did Stephen say almost something akin to "silicone" valley? It didn't really sound like "silicon" but more like "silicawn" to me - but maybe my 1st (of an inevitable 3) beers of the evening hit my ear-to-brain connection unusually early? Nonetheless, it's GREAT to see Mr. Colbert and Crew back on the Yoo-Toobs!

@adamhenley8295 9 ай бұрын

The year 3000? Not much has changed but we live under water 🤔

@robertlee1749 9 ай бұрын

I can get back to laughing again!

@SageofStars 9 ай бұрын

Ah, someone's finally gotten to SCP-5346 and started to market him. Good, better than him going around destroying people who remember Forest Gump wrong...or right, I can never tell.