Thanks for your story! You are an inspirations. Dr. C

Thank you. Thank you. I hope you are being real. 2 months ago I broke through to my wife. We have been together since we were 16. We're 43 now. She has done some amazing things with many many hours of realization. She has admitted and seen the consequences. In m9ments of real clarity, I've been able to show her some of the effects she has taken on our 6 year old daughter. My wife has, for now at least, seems to be terrified of who she is. But she wasn't always like that. I just now got some truth and emotion from her about her narcissist parents. Both of them. She has become a vulnerable narcissist. We've been spending time backing up the events that she bottled and regressed. They basically taught her emotions were completely invalid and even had her on medication for many many years.

Wow beautiful! So happy for you ❤️

Wow!!! Someone ELSE who broke free!! How absolutely marvelous! Never say never! Never give up!

Why did it make you feel physically ill I felt lightened and relieved.

Ash thank you! I watched the whole vid, but lists help me remember the content.

Am genuinely greatful for this info

The first list you basically described me. I'm all those things and I can be called charming too. Not necceraly in a romantic way. People seem to like me. I'm definitely controlling. At the same time I'm not really self entitled or don't feel superior.

Narcissists: 1.shame 2.chronic emptiness 3. Self esteem regulation problems 4. Insecure or ambivalent attachment styles 5. Superego pathology ......its very hard to suffer from npd

They are losers all of them

I'm guessing this is your way of saying his statement about change wasn't exactly sincere. Dr. C

Dawn, son.

That's probably 1.5 minutes longer than mine would have lasted.

Viola Gentsch; Narcissists are riddled with demons. Demons will never go away willingly. These demons thrive on creating confusion when they in fact are the ones living in a constant state of frustration. It's an exhausting existence for the narcissist.

@@SurvivingNarcissism yep

Iam a Masterpiece of the DivineCreator wow your so right, I have been hit and Beaton and even scared in the face with an iron , why I keep going back I don't know

@@paulsarson5335 You need to develop self love to stop getting hurt again and again. You deserve better! Good bless you!

yup..hit harder, Later

Anyone is capable of changing

You got that right!

Theyll say whatever might help create a good image to the person they're trying to manipulate.

Raven Burnes Exactly! But never acknowledged where he needed to change and when told, he said there's nothing about him that needs to change. Narcs love playing mind games

I just have to say I can relate. 🥰🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗😎😀😀😀😀

Amazing the amount of work they put into building that facade.

@@bentoboxofire7404 Yes, well said, and because they lack the confidence of true creativity, they use "your" words and pretzel twist unrelated events back on to you.

Precisely. Dr. C

So pleased to hear this testimony. Keep up the good effort. You are an inspiration. Dr .C

Thanks for the hope you give me!

I’m on the same boat, and starting therapy next month. These videos have made me realise that I have a problem, and if I don’t work on it I’m truly going to be alone in this world. Thanks for your inspiration.

hey i hope you're doing well! can i ask something? i have a narcissistic sister and she has no idea that she is narcissistic and no one can convince her if she does not want to. she went to therapist for anxiety but she quitted. she thinks going to therapy is something to be ashamed of. how can i make her see the truth? i really need help!

I hope my husband realized that Im separating from him

How did you do it?

If it's true - good on you!!!

@@patrickjohnson8741 thank you. I’m very conscious of my intentions and stay vigilant around people that can trigger my undesirable traits. Toxic people make toxic company. It’s like trying to find a nice place to sit at the garbage dump. :)

May I ask you a few questions?Were you toxic to the point of being physically abusive? The narcs in my family abused me emotionally, mentally and physically as well. Despite all the kindness and forgiveness I have shown to them through the years, their cruelty seems to have no bounds. These are full-blown narcs who cant feel empathy.The one common thing absent in them is spirituality. How did your change come about? Did you have a spiritual awakening??

Your honesty is refreshing. Dr. C

Bravo 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Yes Amen it is so hard to handle telling yourself the truth about your issues.

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you so very much 🙏💎👑 It is the most amazing feeling in the world to be free🙌🙌🙌👏👏👏🙏🙏💖💕🌹💎💎

@@IAmGoddes Indeed it is!!! No fight out of me on that one!!! But it's the only thing that will set you free!! You know longer care nor believe what people think or say about you!! So I took everything that I had to fight and answered to Christ Jesus call!! And the mission now beings. I want to tell the Dr. Thank you for what you do!!! It saves lives everyday!! Thank God for the both of you!! Be Blessed always my friends🙏🌹💖👑💎

Well said!

@@Texasboots Thank you, Love 💖💖💖

Jill Hollon Good advice. I’m also an empath. The narcissist who tortured me was a boss, so I couldn’t really get away from him. He had “puppets” too. He sent lies & allegations to upper management for almost 3 years. They believed him, probably due to his position & /or that he is a narcissist (sociopath) so they’re afraid. I never had a fighting chance. He saw to that. I had an attorney & still lost my job. But HIS loss is much greater. When narcs have an agenda they don’t stop til it’s done. I do not consider myself a victim, even tho I was victimized. I’m VICTORIOUS bc God had a better plan! I got out of the narc’s range & am at peace knowing he will get his. Maybe he’s getting it already. 😉

@@rondak7144 Hi Ronda! Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry you had to endure such traumatic experiences at your job. I also worked at a job for 3 years under a Narcissistic boss. But I didn't know it had a name back then. I just thought he was an extremely moody, temperamental and a naturally angry person. I'm so thankful you were able to get out from under your boss's control and manipulation. I'm sorry he slandered your name and probably your work, as well. When we work for Narcissists, nothing we do is every good enough or appreciated. I hope you can continue to thrive and persevere as you go forward. I wish you much love, support, peace and blessings always along on your journey~ God bless you, sweetheart~

Jill Hollon Awww! Thank you so much!! That’s so thoughtful of you & I can see you understand from experience. I’m sure you look back with your current knowledge & relive some of those times! I certainly do! By my own nature I did the “gray rock” before I knew it had a name. My observations told me that he HATED to see my mood elevate, feel joy, laugh or talk with coworkers. This infuriated him. I’m sure you know why, & I’m sure this drove him to go after me more! I believe most of these people are labeled with antisocial personality disorder. Anyway thanks for sharing & for your kind words!!😁

Omg 48 yrs here, in process of getting out

Watching these videos has made me stronger and more aware. For a long time I thought it was all me that I had to try to do better, but no matter what I did it would never work out. I stay with the narc because he kept love bombing me , kept me poor and made me wish washy. He saids he has change and realized he needs to do better. The truth is I have changed. I stand for myself when I need too or I go stone silent when I can’t take it anymore. God has shown me how my narc uses his minions to try put me down. My narc is jealous that I am healthy, I love my retirement and I am never bored. I think age has soften a little and made me wiser.

You may be older, but life can always get better. My ex dumped me after 40 years. I was shocked and heartbroken. But boy oh boy, it was the best thing that ever happened to me! I am in my 60’s and alone and staying that way. I am happy and confident for the first time in my life. GET OUT!

@@sieglindegenta5660 you can always run

@@reneeholland1369: 57 years here. Too late, it’s doomed.

She will be changed if She........

Mine told me, "I'm normal." I said, "Really, you're normal? Do normal people ignore their wives for a month?" Without missing a beat he said, "Yeah. I know a lot of men wo do that." He's either lying or he knows a lot of narcissists.

@@honestbarsteward be aware the grammar in many countries is masculine and when speaking english, the he or his is used for any gender until they learn to speak more fluently.

Darloonie I very much doubt ‘that a narcissist would tell lies ;)

Lilian esp I agree with you :) you are right. None of these Narcissists see absolutely nothing wrong with their personality at all so for them they don't have to change, it's just us that have to change & that's not fair!!!

Exactly! Great comment.

What a sensible reply!! Yes, by all means feel empathy/sympathy for them, as they ARE missing out on happiness in life; also feel empathy/sympathy for their 'victims,' as they did not have the 'wisdom' to keep the narcissist at bay in the first place. It really IS like 2 sides of the same coin. I've stopped being so judgemental, I do still have the odd narcissist in my life; to be honest, I find them quite amusing now, as I don't have to live with them. I don't really care what/how they think as long as they don't mess up my life. Just remember...be VERY careful how much you let them know about your personal business.

Noctifer Darkling yes trust is a big one for me

Noctifer Darkling Yes trust is a big one for me

Yep. Fooled once is a victim... Fooled twice is a volunteer.

Like fresh warm cornbread, from the South!

@@alanalbin1988 Awww! You're right!

More like a Pastor. The qualities he described above are from the Holy Spirit

@@laughfirst7736 Very true ! I could see him being a great Pastor too

congrats

You're so lucky! Good for you!

@@goldieg4888 It was the most powerful experience of our lives 😞😞😞😞 We believe With all our heart that God helped us She would have killed us 😞😞😞😞

@@graceandfaith869 I am very happy for both of you. You were very brave! However it is way to late for me to try something like getting away.

Really?

No it doesn't. What it does is to tell us we need to continue bending over backwards for a bunch of a-holes who aren't going to budge. Get it into your head that there is no amount of good you can be with those people. Telling you can achiever that good place is not good for anyone and it makes me wonder if Dr. C. is either in la la land, bending over backwards for one or more, or he's a bit of a narcissist himself. Why would you or anyone else give a narcissist credit for anything good when they are only destructive?

Most likely not in this channel unless he change his channel from surviving narcissism to....

rachelsmename mm

True

Michelle Carpenter I am a recovering narcissist. I am here, because I am hoping to improve myself. We do exist.

Total Package Detailing LLC Thank you so much for admitting not many do!! May I ask your Astrology sign. It is likely Aries Capricorn Taurus Gemini or Virgo, if not its likey your Moon sign.

Zenith Astrology astrology has nothing to do with NPD. You can be a libra and have NPD, you can be a Cancer and have NPD. NPD isn't an astrology trait for certain signs. It's a mental disorder from psychological abuse, and should be treated as such. Medical Science and Astrology do not mix.

.-.-_- Awe so its a co- incidence Christopher Watts and Shanane Watts just happened along with my narc mother, who abandoned me at 5, it's a co incidents!!! They have SUN and MOON in horned signs? Josh Powell it is a co incidents agian, he has SUN and MOON in horned signs. Its a co incidence his two sons had Capricorn Suns? In horned signs. You have your job, I have mine. Please, I know these people, like the back of my hand, and, never told what to do. Your lucky, i'm even warning you for free.

.-.-_- Its not from psychological abuse it's just abuse!!! And don't tell me what my Virgos mom had intended for me, ill let YOU know. Ask her from the grave I have no sympathy for the demonic. That's why i'm surprised this guy admitted, my mom was Virgo Gemini Moon, and 4 horned. I know my moms chart, has NO abuse!!! But she was an abuser.

Coletin Thomas same with me. Didn’t notice the pattern and here I am

Wow! So narcs can change? What does it take to realize or to admit it? When you lose someone? Sorry to ask this (I’ve been with a narc so just curious) What does love mean to a narc? I called him out. I make him read about narcs characteristic traits, recorded our conversations and let him hear it. He seemed to be ashamed of how he talked to me, treated me but he does it again. Nothing changes really. Can I still hope that he would change like you did? Or can you be certain that you wouldn’t go back to narcs behaviors again?

Narc can't love someone sorry

@@maris1758 definitely took losing the someone to realize how much I cared. I've definitely changed for the better but its hard to tell how much. All people are a work in progress and it took loss for me to realize that I'm not just "I am who I am" that there are things you can work to change about yourself

Totally correct. They go into an 'I'll show you mode'.

@@jeaniechampagne8831 LORD YES...and that was my dad and he passed away last year and I cared for him to the end and he was the king of taking it to a whole other level to aggravate and torment me. Like I keep saying I am learning ow how to not be stressed 24/7 for 55 years....and moving 5 states away made no difference. My poor mother was a SAINT.

@@COACHCLCHEER You show that you take after your mother...the saint. I would take care of my narcissistic mother if she really needed me, but in the mean while, I have to stay away from her abuse. There are only so many "poison arrows" a soul can take. God bless you in your quest for peace.

Right, because the behavior is intentional.

Chauncey Dumbuya this true..

Bingo

Sounds a lot like BPD

Thank you I think that’s what happened to me and what I allowed to happen. Learned behaviors to protect myself . “Be the change I want to see” love that

Chauncey Dumbuya self centered

Only better actors in the easiest of things when they know you don’t like their ways, they still have the same plan for you. They don’t have the capacity to be thoughtful of other people and they don’t want to do the work for the lifestyle they feel they are entitled too...and so they mismanage their money greatly and burn through others, crossing boundaries in many ways. They look for someone to take care of them, and they have loads to dump on you. They are predators who strike back when their crazy expectations aren’t allowed by you. They have the role of people mixed up in their head. They’re self centered so are only thinking about what they want, not you, which gets crazy because they can also be a different sexual orientation. They aren’t trustworthy on enough counts to waste your time on. Meet new people.

Z P Exactly right!

I actually think they cand learn emphaty because they need to. I don't think people get something about narcissists...you don't need emphaty to change, you need fear or other emotion, and they have a lot. Its not like they live a good live, they feel miserable and don't know why + in the end they are left behind by everyone, witch they already expect happening without understanding the real problem. Its confusing and it hurts for them too.

Empathy is actually a taught trait and can be learned.

Recoving narcs knows the moves of the evil people. We have a blue print to know their every move!! Just life people convert from narc, to recovering narc to NO NARC at all!!! YES GOD CAN DO JUST THAT!!! I can spot a narc a mile away. You now have the glasses to see their demons!!! You know the ones who have a chance of changing. And the ones that will never change for a human. But they MUST for GOD!! Read about Paul in the bible!!! He turned from his wicked way!!! Continue to listen to Dr. C videos. He can show you just how to get from under the narc very tight grip.

As a victim of narcissists what helped me was radical honesty. It made me kinder and more accepting of others. One has to forgive one's self as well. I can tell you that it's the best thing that could happen to you.

@Brett Harding...Everything that you stated tells me that YOU ARE NOT A NARCISSIST. A narcissist never admits that they have a problem, and never feels "guilty" or "empathy" for or about anything or anyone. You most likely have just always been a selfish, bratty type of person for most of your life...and ultimately had an eye-opening self realization, and saw how conceited and nasty you have been all your life. But, again everything that you described is not the embodiment of mental illness on the part of a narcissist.

Agree with Tee L. I think you have just realized that you have been selfish or manipulative. Narcissist mostly think they are always right. Even they feel guilty, in the end they will find a reasoning to right the wrong. That's what I see.

@Intellectual And Creative What?

I believe I might be a narcissist/covert narcissist too. Sometimes I can be very self centered and I can lack empathy at times. Often times I’m told, I need to be put in their shoes. I feel unheard by everyone I’m with. Sometimes even inferior. I’m too protective over the women I date, and the slightest things they wear, if they show a lot it secretly enrages me. I dont name call, and I don’t raise my voice but I think I can be mentally a bit manipulative. I can push buttons too. I secretly don’t like my lovers having guy friends because of my lack of trust. Lack of trust for no reason. I investigate every guy friend cyberlly. I need to be humbled. don’t know where I got it from though because my parents are divorced but they always did their best to keep me and my brothers aligned with God. And unfortunately I went on a year long alcohol addiction. I ended up going back to church with my friends just recently and I’m trying to heal myself from the inside out

Its because you hate and judge your father, and became your own god

True, neuroplasticity is one of the keys to get away from that disorder or traits. Compassion, kindness, empathy, love. Therapy will work as well. It's mostly about how you think, react and behave, it can be changed, there is a light in the end of long, dark and full of potholes tunnel.

@Deplorable Cat 100% disagree. Empathy and compassion are learnable skills. We are ALL narcissistic at birth. Some of us are nurtured into empathy, others are NOT given that crucial love and are stuck in their childhood narcsissism, until they are nurtured into it by others or themselves. Awareness and constant action are key.

Deplorable Cat as children we are the center of attention. And we develop the belief that our needs are all that matter. We believe we are the center of the universe. This is a human thing and part of normal development. You either get nurtured out of that state, or you’re not given the appropriate amount of love and you STAY there. But childhood narcissism is a stage in EVERY human experience. Unless you were just a Buddha since birth and all the way through. I don’t know you, so I won’t assume you are or not.

Deplorable Cat I’d love for you to explain the huge difference between empathy and compassion though. For my own understanding.

@@MarcPrime wow..... I think you are making a very interesting observation !

Great comment. I agree.

Like Doc says, they have a right to be that way, just like we all do. Sad, huh. Can't really change them.

They are incapable of change

Tori S Agree. Very few narcissists, if any, will go to a Therapist. After all, in their own mind, there is nothing wrong with them.

@Henry Stoneking sounds a lot like my 22 year old daughter. We raised her with in Godly ways but she went the opposite way... I don't know what is that thing that is going to change her towards the truth and be kind loving and meek...instead she is full of anger, never admits her wrongdoing,always twisting the truth and blames us for her wrong choices...

@@fionageorgakis699 She does not have to be a narcissist just because she does not believe in your religion. You cannot control what people are to believe in. Sounds very controlling on your part.

@Henry Stoneking thats true my ex got baptized to show family hes now religious and got worst.. he,ll never changed thank God he moved on to his next victim ... i can now try to recover from this trauma..

Good on you to have changed!

Thank you. And therefor it is so Important for the partner to have the courage expressing his/her OWN VULNERABILITY. What deep emotions I feel (what triggers of my past are activated) when my Narc says / do something bad to me. I am convinced that in such a safe environment he can observe how his/her own bad emotions look like.... without "feeling" them.... maybe they will understand what they do to their "victims"

Pyramid Thank you for your honesty & for giving us hope that the narc will change!

IM SORRY a little confused

What would you say to a narcissist to get them to want to wake up? It's as if they truly are the living dead feeding off of people's souls. What would you say to make them think?

You're catching on! Dr. C

That makes it hard. Just remember: Forgiveness= FREEDOM! Forgiveness frees you from the toxic grip.

If that's true, don't worry. You're not one. Tendencies are human. NPD isn't.

I’m the same exactly but I notice I have the traits of one and I really wanna change, I do have empathy, I cry for others not to get attention but because I feel their pain and want to make them better, I wanna listen and I really wanna change. People tell me I’m a great listener and some have told me to become a therapist because of how caring I am but I’m not saying I ain’t no saint, I did things I knew was horrible and I still did them anyways, I just wanna change and I’ve caught myself being toxic and have stopped myself mid conversation and walked away from the problem and would just scream outside or into a pillow to get anger out, I go for a walk and just cut myself from the rest of the world to have time to think of what I did. But I understand a little bit what you said on your comment, about noticing the narcissistic traits because I see it in my mom and my mom’s mom. It’s a horrible circle I just wanna be freed from and I don’t want my kids growing up like I did.

@@danielleburrito9745 I feel for you. It's a long way but know you can change.

Could be you were raised by one or more narcissists and most is just learned behavior you are becoming more aware of as you try to become more conscious and healthy. Narcs fake empathy. You have empathy. That’s the difference.

Thank you for your service. After 15 yrs working at the VA I know you speak the truth and I'm relieved to hear you're one of the few that are making an effort to protect your family an self from this.

You probably taught them those good qualities..they learn it by mirroring YOU!

Lol...... Reality

True all the people saying they want to change from watching this video alone probably aren't narcissists

No malarkey! Dr. C

Mike, ask Jesus, He will give it to you! There the journey doesn't last long at all 'cause He said:" ASK and it shall be GIVEN to you! Knock and it shall be opened! Seek and you shall find!" 🤗

Imagine how simple it is to say to someone: I'm glad you've had a great day, tell me about it. But I suppose, for some people, that is too far of a stretch. Geez.

Exactly! They’re a lost cause, YOU ARE NOT 💃

It's in the genes...

It's better not expect too much about a change in narc personality. Especially above 40 years old.

Problem is I wasted most of my life by marrying a narcissist. I had to get out but I needed 12 months of Psychiatric counselling to try and get my self esteem and my life back.

Yes, leave them before wasting all your life

Will Mack ask Jesus to heal your wife he will

parinaz Az just because you ask Jesus for a miracle, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen! Stop giving false hope to someone who’s in pain and has come here looking for advice/help. I truly believe that Jesus will help those who come to Him and ask for help, but it has to be the narcissist who humbly comes to Him.

@@jewelsbarbie Jesus will help one way or another, if we ask in faith

Pride --- Proverbs29:1 Whoever remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed--without remedy. In order to heal and change they would have to humble themselves but they are proud and arrogant and never wrong... so... narcissism sticks.

maybe just drop some LSD in her morning coffee ;)

If I showed this video to my covert narc? He would turn it right around on to how I am the one who needs to change. Argh!

Sam Soulwarmer of course. Very typical

even if they can “change” it wouldn’t be permanent- they may temporarily change towards whoever their current supply is or whoever it is they are pursuing- but we all know what happens - devalue & discard. one thing that will probably not change is their boredom/eventual dissatisfaction with those who were tricked into loving them

sally cinnamon that’s correct

@@sunflowers2469 Well said! Tricked into loving them! Wow!!!!

Malcolm Jones ask Jesus for help he is alive and loves you .. watch the last reformation movie on KZfaq

@Malcolm Jones....Based on your comment, you are definitely not a narcissist, but likely have been a selfish, bratty person all of your life. Narcissist do not admit that they have a problem. They are not interested in change; they have no guilt....no empathy...which you display in your comment. Again, YOU ARE NOT A NARCISSIST.

You're a dirtbag. Just kidding, don't listen to a random internet guy. You really are awesome you just don't know how other people expect to be treated and try that

@@aspen311 He did say it was on a spectrum. I was raised by a Narc and married a Narc for a while, so I know I picked up some of those traits. For instance, I can listen to someone else's (verbalized, obviously) thoughts and accept when they're different, but if there is something particular about them (someone I may think is a possible future GF for instance) I completely lose that ability. I had a horrible fight with someone because they didn't like sci-fi and fantasy. It was because I thought we were clicking romantically, and so I was scared of her not accepting part of me. Honestly, it doesn't matter whether someone likes sci-fi and fantasy or not. Really, it wasn't VITAL that she fit exactly what I wanted in a partner, but I got nasty because I'd set myself on this idea already. He talks about being a know-it-all. I'm a conditional know-it-all. In the somewhat narrow band of thing I think I understand, I act like a know-it-all, but that band was much bigger in the past. I once got into an argument with a personal trainer (not MY trainer) because she encouraged working out 5 days a week (different muscle groups, obviously) and I had been reading that not getting enough rest after workouts was a recipe for serious damage. Of course she knew more than I did, but I acted like an expert when I wasn't because of something I had been reading recently. She wasn't even someone I was interested in romantically, it was just that I thought I knew what I was talking about. So I have some narc traits and it's going to be really hard to get rid of them.

One of the hallmarks of a narcissist is their complete unwillingness to take responsibility, or to honor your point of view and the things that are important to you. A narcissist who is changing will demonstrate consistent progress on taking responsibility, and caring about you and your perspective even during difficult times or conflict. That's pretty hard to fake over time. And if they're not showing that kind of progress, consistently and increasingly over time, they're not changing.

How did he heal you?

Accept what? That they are a Clone synthetically made in a lab? Good luck! It’s a Replicant

Yes. All roads to truth lead back to you. It is called accountability aka maturity. If you want to know more, read my comment to Barney below.

He gives me the same feeling Mr Roger's gave me. You're absolutely right!

Very sad

48 yrs here, I’m old, tired & done. Hoping, praying for a few peaceful years. Starting over at 67 is not easy.

What you described is "not" a narcissist changing. It is simply a narcissist putting on his mask and faking a different personality and fooling people, until he gets what he needs. Psychology experts have already determined from extensive research that a narcissist can NOT change. So don't waste your most valuable time. MOVE ON and QUICKLY.

@@aspen311 But this doctor is saying we can change? Maybe not those narcs who are at the very end of the spectrum, or malignant? I'm sure I'm a narc and I've realized it four years ago, went back to old unconscious life and behaviour, but now I'm determined to not let that happen again... IDK, I'm scared of myself.

@@0FFICERPROBLEM Psychiatrists, psychologists and other mental health professionals, through extensive research and study on the subject of narcissists have determined that there is no treatment, therapy or anything else that can be used to help the narcissist change. It is a mental disorder and there is NO CURE, NO PILL, NO THERAPY, that can change the NARCISSIST PERSONALITY. He/she is who they are for life.

@@aspen311 You understand narcissism exists on a spectrum (everyone has some dose of it, it's a fundamental personality trait) ? Might it be those you refer to as 'unchangeable' are those with NPD who are unable to acknowledge there's something wrong with them? Diagnoses are for professionals to have a common language for research and treatment. People still have individually unique psyches. Therefore there's stories of people diagnosed with "NPD" who've managed to change, at least their behaviour, long term.

@@0FFICERPROBLEM We are talking about REAL NARCISSISM, the type of people that set out to hurt and destroy their victims, .and derive joy and pleasure from it. Most, if not all, people with this mental disorder do not even want to admit that they have a problem, so getting therapy is not even a possibility. Even, if the Narc agreed to go to counseling, they would simply put on their mask and gas light the therapist. So, again no...there is no treatment available for the NARC. The best thing that any person can do is get as far away from the NARC as possible...simply disappear if you can and have absolutely no contact with them.

Elia preach 🗣🗣🗣

I disagree with your statement that empathy cannot be taught. I have witnessed a profound change in the lives of men in the prison where I volunteer when they begin to be accountable for their actions and take responsibility for their past crimes. Yes, they are motivated initially by participation in programs to look good as they apply for parole, but as they go through the restorative justice process many of them learn a different way of being in the world. Many of the things that Dr. Carter has talked about are the elements involved in these programs. I have also witnessed this same kind of sea change in individuals in twelve step programs. Perhaps you are dealing with an individual with anti-social personality disorder (psychopathy) rather than NPD.

@Teri Looney: Have you ever heard of the "Thirteenth Step"? That's where certain people in 12-Step programs use the others in their group for their own selfish gains. It could be for sex, money, narcissistic supply, etc... The pickings are numerous and easy in 12-Step groups! Unfortunately, many, but not all, of these predators are criminals who have been court-ordered into 12-Step programs. This is one of the reasons why I will never use a 12-Step group for peer-support regarding my issues. Also, I have seen some people who have become quite conceited and self-centered because of their participation in 12-Step groups. (Emotions Anonymous was suggested for me after I did a short stint in a mental hospital for depression. I refused because of 13th Step concerns as well as not wanting to be in a spiritual program nor a program that hasn't been scientifically vetted. Atheists like me are not welcome, anyway.) I rather think that it is you, and the group that you volunteer for, that are responsible for the success with the inmates that you have achieved. Thank you for giving these inmates the help that they so desperately need! ~Anastacia in Cleveland

@@terilooney ​ @Teri Looney I think it would be helpful if you read how empathy develops in childhood and what NPD is about. A person who lacks empathy can learn how to display it but this doesnt necessarily mean that the person develops empathy is more like learning what is expected from them to do and how to react and narcissists, sociopaths and psycopaths and rest manipulative people will use this to their advantage. Those who didnt learn empathy in childhood, they will never develop any. They maybe learn how to hide their traits better and display "empathy" if there is something to get from doing that. If you ever have the misfortune to be close to a manipulative person and see how they think and behave then you will see first hand that most people dont just change because they followed a 12 step program . Dr Carter talks about the lower end of the spectrum , about people with narcissistic traits and not those with full blown NPD. Referring to your last sentence , all three disorders, NPD, antisocial personality disorder (sociopathy) and psychopathy lack empathy

@@Elia-ys9rc Actually I have a degree in psychology and I am married to a psychiatrist. I have worked in the field for many years both in paid positions and in a volunteer capacity. I am 63 so I also have a bit of life experience in addition to education, CE, and I continue to read extensively. I was raised by a mother who was quite narcissistic. I stand by every thing I said and only give my background so that you will know that I am neither uneducated nor naive. I do not contend that everyone can/will change, only that individuals who are highly motivated (usually because of pain) can and do change. As Dr. Carter stated several times, it is not an easy or quick process. Our society is much too quick to throw away individuals because of real or perceived character flaws. Personality disorders originate, it is thought, through a complex interaction between nature and nurture, or, more to the point, lack of nurture. Why can we not have compassion for these individuals in the same way we do for someone with cancer or other diseases? It seems there continues to be quite the stigma against mental disorders.

Thank you for the book recommendations.

Stay strong !

But i donk know if it was intentional or through a string of different factors both past and present that has brought me to the point where i am now. Regardless i want to change if not for people, then for myself. I want to be happy in my own life.

You know what? That is a brave and humble approach. Proud of you

April Rains Thank you very much. I hope for whatever reason you're on this video you can find the answers you need as well.

@@papagrande7448 Every one of us is born with both "good and evil" natures. Your friend is probably the type who looks for the GOOD in others. If so, you are blessed to have such a friend and to be able to recognize some areas of your life you may need to work on.

Papa Grande : god sees all the bad in us and he still loves us. So your friend is right. She saw all the beautiful self you can be. That is how God sees us too.

If your recognising your are spiteful and selfish and willing to admit that I doubt you are as bad as you think you are

Yes I’m the only one my narc wife let her guard down to . To show me the real her good and bad but towards friends and family she hide herself and told me she always hid herself since she was a child she will never show them any real side of her and it makes me look like I’m the bad guy because they don’t know her so if I ever speak up about something I know it will seem like a lie .

Yes to all this! Dr. C

Yeah, this video inspired me to think about my faults! Having been told by exploitive people that I had certain faults, and finding that they were lying was painful. I wasn't what they said - in the positive or negative sense! It was all a fictional image of me they used to exploit me. So, to really reclaim who I am, I have to name and claim my real faults! Of course, I won't be telling a narc what's wrong with me! That would be self sabotage -- and I've learned a few things. :)

The key phrasing that perked my ears in this video is narcissist tendencies, which covers a big ground and includes me. While I landed on this page to find out about how others "can" change in my life, like a good sermon this video convicts my own heart. Thanks, Holly for sharing.

@MzNettyBird . There is a process that parallels the 4th step of recovery groups but is many times deeper that can be utilized by Bible believing Christians. It's called "The Steps to Freedom in Christ." The compiler of this process is Dr. Neil T. Anderson, who has written many books on spiritual freedom. It can peel several 'layers' at a time.

It is great that you are aware of these things and that you want to improve yourself. Never give up. Keep on keeping on. There are lots of small things that you can do to stop being so selfish and self centred. Being a narcissist is a lonely, sad, unpleasant life. Keep trying to change and learn new skills in order to help yourself be a better person with morals and values. Seek professional counselling and get proper medical support too. Wishing you good luck xxoo

Yes to all of this. Well stated. Dr. C

Thank you. Dr. C

I'm really glad you posted this. It's so easy to insult narcissistic people while forgetting that there is a back story. Sorry you've had to go through all this, but glad you have an awakened mind. Crisis creates growth, if you let it. Glad we're on the same team. Dr. C

@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you for the kind response. I wasnt sure how it would be recieved, but I only feel it's right being honest with myself, and everyone else. I've told myself for the past 5 years that the extreme difficulties I was enduring was the price I had to pay for the wrongs I committed in my life prior to meeting my daughters mother. The harder I tried, the worse it got for me. My daughters mother kept telling me for years we couldnt officially be together, because she felt I wasnt committed. With my first child born into the world, I felt like I had to do anything and everything possible to prove to her and show her that I was committed to her, and sadly that also meant me accepting for the first time in my life, to let someone have zero boundaries, let her control and dictate whenever we spent time together, she would only have sex with me when she wanted to, and I stupidly thought that by being so agreeable, letting her have control she seemed to crave, and my uncanny, unbreakable commitment MOST of all, would finally prove to her I wanted to be committed to her. I had told her I wanted to marry her, and I would put her on the deed to my home giving her financial security and living security. After 3 straight years of feeling like I lived everyday in a prove it or lose it situation, I finally realized that the truth all along has actually been the opposite of what she originally stated and what drove me to give to much for such little crumbs in return. It wasnt "me" that was questionable about making any commitments, instead it was her all along, and she merely used that as a convenient reason to make me continue to give everything I had, while explaining away her own unwillingness to commit to be together and work through things. She refused counseling. I literally tried every single avenue anyone could imagine to try to make her see things differently. I wasted so much time of my life listening to someone who literally would tell me I'm feeling or acting a certain way, when it was so painfully obvious she had a habit of telling me how I "really" felt inside, or who I "really" am. She would ignore me and be so blatantly disconnected with mex and the more I tried the more shed push me away, with the final kicker usually resulting in her then telling me things arent working because I'm acting disconnected and pushing HER away. LIKE WHAT????? I could count probably hundreds of times I tried defending myself and pointing out the plainly obvious facts of reality, I just didnt think it was possible for someone to constantly act a certain way constantly sabotaging whatever we had going for a few weeks or so, only to suddenly and consistently act out in some bizarre and irrational way, trying to force me into questioning why for no reason she would act with what many times was malicious behavior, purposely withholding emotional and physical needs only to then blame me for literally however she was acting at the time. I lost myself over 5 years. Prior to her, I was a confident young man who dated many women, had a great social life, many friends, always out, always happy, into literally a shell of the man I used to be. I feel like I've been gutted of myself dry. I question if I am even able to ever feel normal again , happy again, like I used to be before i met her and had a child. I can honestly tell you, I am a completely different person now in terms of how I view relationships. I chased something for 5 years hoping to keep a family together. I wouldnt even dream of playing a single game I played when I was younger. Sometimes I feel so down in my life, I went from a popular young man who had some great relationships and fun times in between who was happy and focused on succeeding in life, to an empty shell who lives alone and has no life anymore except the time the court approved for my time with my daughter. which I never miss an hour of time with and would take her every single day if I could. But the courts here in RI let the mothers have more time than the dads. I have to pay so much in child support I am about to lose my home. I sometimes just want to put an end to the suffering. The only thing that stops me is my daughter. I cant imagine not being here for her. Shes my whole life. Shes all I have.i wish I courts gave dads more allowed time than the standard every other weekend and wed nights routine. I stopped all contact with her mother with the exception of the two times she needed times for our daughter drop off, but besides that , after the last sabotage out of nowhere that she disappeared and ignored me, after pleading for at the very least my best friend , only friend left, just talk to me I've been alone and left to worry 24/7 what I did wrong, she ignored me even still. So it's been about a month now, I have made zero attempt to reachout. Sorry this post is so long. I just had to vent. I have noone I can talk to , so I keep this all inside and its hard many times. Especially being alone so often now. Thanks so much for your help. People like you literally save lives, you just dont know who or when. Thank you.

​@@SurvivingNarcissism I just watched your video, looked at the traits and I believe well I must be a full blown narcissist I display every trait. I have just wasted 5 years of the most beautiful kind caring woman I've ever met life and I feel so disgusted and ashamed not even human. For the first time in my life I realised the effect and damage I do to the people around me. Your the only beacon of hope I heard I just wanted you to say thank you maybe in learning I can find peace. I feel subhuman like human garbage. Where I go from here who knows.

Hi Alvin. Thanks so much for sharing this. I truly wish you the best as you continue to progress. Dr. C

@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you so much for your kind words. watching your videos gives me hope that I can sincerely change

As we try to come to terms with narcissists the last thing we need to do is spew hate. Dr. C

@@SurvivingNarcissism I need to remember that point