Thank you 😟❤

They are not monsters. They are people who have had an upbringing by other narcissists and have become them.

Yeah they are monsters with the way they act cus they Choose to be this way and they have a choice and this is how they have chosen to be 14 years surviving someone with this personality trait an style and 7 with children and it’s getting to the point that I will not live with him anymore and I’m glad he’s away at work and I’m having to learn to cope. That’s what the saying means you have to learn to fight monsters without becoming one because they have chose a sad existence to live they don’t want to live life they don’t live life they are empty inside and it doesn’t matter how much I love him it doesn’t matter how much I care I get emotionally starved by my man I get avoided an neglected I get no communication and I get silent treatment and that’s all I’ve really ever gotten so yeah they are not sick they’re evil that’s why they get called monsters because they will not change And I had two covert neglect parents as well and he had two more just neglect except I must’ve survived he had it worse than me I don’t know if he’s a covert narcissist or somebody with a lot of NPD and maybe there’s hope for him if he’ll see a therapist we are only 32 and 33 and after 14 years I can’t live with him anymore and he’s made my son my oldest son so defiant it’s rubbing off on him because NPD is like secondhand smoke you get sick if you’re around it pure misery it’s a nightmare to live in Dr. Ramani summed that up for me and this man is amazing I love his stuff. You are great! Thank you so much for your help and videos!

@@maxjasmine Their behavior is monstrous, REGARDLESS of what kind of background they grew up in. I have/had at least 12 in my family alone and as you might guess I married, not one, but two! So thankful for the information to identify and avoid them now.

@@maxjasmine not true.

Totally agree!

NOT A HONEST HEART FELT ONE BUT A TONE OF AIR OF CONDESCENDING OF Air OF minimise it u can hear it in there voice there tone GIVES ME CHILLS WHEN U NOTICE THERE TRAITS FAF FAKE AS FUCK

So true.

@@robbiewooden5067 True, robbie, even Narc-Pastors are that way, unfortunately.

That is 100% true

My parents

Your comment So perfectly describes life with narcissists! Thank you for sharing. It really helps to know that I am not alone.

A guy online got upset with me because after he paid me a compliment (which i appreciated), i responded with a thank-you GIF instead of a note. How petty is that! Like I'm supposed to bow down in reverence?!? With most of us, compliments do NOT come with a price tag!

My daughter..there was an incident a few weeks ago. It just blew me away. I walked away thinking that it was something I said..it wasn't. Such sadness in my heart.

What is trivial to you, may not be trivial to another person. Who are you to say how someone should react to anything? What makes you so sure that your judgement is superior to others, or that everyone should act the way you say they should.

The ONLY thing I could ever count on my kids dad to do consistently was to NOT be there when I needed him to be.

True

I delt with my narcs bs for years. A major issue for me that really helped me see that I needed to end the toxic friendships was what you just said. We would talk about his stuff for literally 5 hours some days. As soon as it was about me he would be busy within 5 minutes. Next day, talk about his stuff all throughout when he was supposed to be working. Talk about my stuff, busy within 5 minutes. Text him about his stuff, all of a sudden he could text at work and talk for hours again. It happened every time to where it couldn't be a coincidence and the pattern was obvious. I realized I was just his sounding board.

This is exactly how my recent x was! Everything going on in her life was so much more important than ANYTHING I’m going through. Whenever I said something , it would be ignored exactly as you say.

BINGO! 👍

Yes, a favorite tactic of theirs. Dr. C

@@SurvivingNarcissism your professional approach is completely wrong. Truly, your stupid, ignorant, patronising videos would give the viewer the impression that narcissistic disorder is a choice. Furthermore, I think that you have narcissistic personality disorder yourself, and you ‘hide in plain sight’ by focusing attention away from the inner workings of your own mind and onto the narcissistic behaviour of others.

@@theoduval1408 Nah, you're wrong.

@@susanritchie4921 Yah, I’m right.

@@theoduval1408 I think your slip(or unders) is showing!

The team of memes..the issue is.t just immaturity. It.s manipulation and cruelty.

The team of memes..there's also another insight I have..the degree if cruelty and manipulation a narcissist dies us not something a child would be capable of. I don.t think their mindset should be compared to a child. They certainly knew how to act maturely, honestly, appropriately from an emotional perspective before the mask flew off. I believe humanity needs to come to terms with EVIL to And the exercising if freewill. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to gaslight,defraud,scheme,triangulate. They know right from wrong. Therefore they ate responsible for their actions. The depth of their depravity classifies their character as evil. Unless one is a mindcontrolled cia psyop, at some point humans chose what road they will take. May God protect us from this treacherous evil

9 seems a pretty flattering age to ascribe to them!

True

@@miraclesforus2 You are 100% right. Their evil and manipulation knows no bounds.

OMG! That’s exactly what I go through with my narc elderly mother! Yesterday, I asked her why she was trying to argue with every sentence I said. Of course, she wanted me to melt down so she could say “See ? You always get upset !” Thank you, Melinda!!!!

wow, spot on, so well said, that was exactly what happend, and i woke up this morning thinking of the bible verses, do not give your pearls to the swine, and does a pig return to its own vomit... this girl would do that nonstop, do things to offend me, provoke my anger, and i'd write something to her, then she'd play victim and it would give her an out for her behavior... now im faving assault DV charge and disorderly conduct for how bad this woman messed with me. all's i did was throw water on her to get her away from my car after she was caught in multiple lies, and i asked her a dozen times to just get out and get away from my car. its like she set me up in the end, i truly feel she provoked me, she even GAVE me the bottle of water earlier in the night... so strange.

My elderly Narc Mom is in assisted living. It’s beautiful and expensive. She constantly complains about the place, people, food, etc. acts like she is sick regularly and talks about how nervous she is there. When I’m not there, she is totally fine. I’ve asked the staff. She never complains, has friends snd participated in activities!!! It’s all a rouse to make me feel bad she is there and be in a state of constant anxiety and worry. I only see her once a week now snd I’m in counseling. She is very toxic!!

@ Melinda me too 😵‍💫

Me too...only realised when my mum was very poorly and my brother "don't come over" then "I am a vile creature everyone detests me" then silent treatment and blame after I tried to protect my mum. No contact since...10 months of real eye opening. Have had some bereavement counselling. Take care it was a difficult time of pain and woe. I am getting better...we all must carry on with DRC.

@Lisa King. , they are scared. Everything scares them. They don’t know it, usually. The difference is, when their fears are triggered, they “come out swinging”…attacking with ugly words, lying, manipulating, etc. Envious doesn’t begin to cover it. It’s all basic fears. They fear for survival at every level.

@@1Chimonger They lack any real foundation, that's why. Their lives seem to be built on shifting sands. And it's a sad thing. Be grateful for the foundations you have in your life. And be very grateful you have a healthy mind.

@@lisaking4386 It can be tragic, watching someone spin out of control like can happen. Holding onto shreds of sanity can be very hard; they try, but, most cannot seem to control the spin-outs. But some do manage some improvement. It’s just, those around them, being repeatedly hit by the shrapnel, cannot keep allowing themselves to get hit…those must retreat, to “love from a safe distance”.

@@1Chimonger You're right. There's only so much a person can take. You can't live your life amongst chaos.

'how envious they are of others' > Is that why they had to 'keep up with the Joneses'? Remember the 1950's? When our parents' generation felt they needed to 'keep up with the Joneses'? There were a lot of N parents in that group.

MrZdvy ...... I’m afraid so....

Tell me about it.

They see any conflict as a reason to attack, not resolve or solve.

John Harrigan resolution is not in their lexicon

MrZdvy Bingo!!

Yuuuup... The narc's grandaughter might have lived with all 3 of you, and you witnessed said granddaughter take a *HOT* 1/2 hour shower every single day whether it was needed or not and then basically do everything they could to clog the kitchen sink, but YOU will get blamed for it. I found out that not only denying that I was the culprit of the high water bill (from showers) AND the clogged sink, the worse thing to do is tell the truth of who actually did it. No matter what, YOU will be blamed, for the next decade plus, even when you only shower once every month or two months AND go out of your way to clean out the sink traps every single time you come in contact with the sink. You will still ALWAYS be at fault until you magically turn to dust as if you've never existed in the first place.

Narcissist don't know how to apologize. They are very

@@thesouljournerstarot6678 ...jealous of giving away their power.

@@return2basics242 Exactly.

I have been out gaming my narc, thanks to these and other beyond helpful videos, my narc husband finally apologized and reached out to me for the first time in our 8 years!! I have to constantly be on guard, but it is so simple just to smile and one up him. He literally is faced with and forced to respond by looking at himself!! It's amazing. Unfortunately it's too late for my parents, but I am getting more wins!!! Take care and try, and I say this only for situations with your narssacist is dangerous to you or your family, but do use the advice in how to return the serve!! It is freeing!!! If you are in a more dangerous situation, find a way out, because none of this will work. Stay safe my friends! 😉🤗😷❤❤

Yeah. Sad self-censorship. The silent "whatever", but without the standing up for yourself part.

You're right about that.

I think you just identified a defining characteristic - it's a real acid test of the kind of personality you're dealing with, and should be a major red flag. Having to try to avoid provoking a tantrum should always ring alarm bells.

@@simonholmes275 Yup. And still having the blow-up happen from way, way "left field," maybe even over something trivial. Ugh.

Yes, that's how I have felt many times before. No more of that.

💕😂omg I’m going to try this💕👸🏻

🤣😅🤣🤣😂

Exactly. It'll get broken next time he rages, or accidentally disappear

I’ve done this - it works

Brer Rabbi and Brer Fox with the tar baby...

Yep, to try to gain control and shift "blame".

@@angies3196 Almost every boss I've dealt with. NEVER any problems with my work or work habits(I am self-motivated, self-supervising). They pick a fight because they cannot admit that they ran out of work, or want to renege on verbal agreements, or implied agreements. They are deceivers and they don't want to face that. They *must* win--- because losing means they are *losers* ---- which is something they cannot respect.

They fabricate the entire world they live in. At some pt you realize they're having a relationship with some flat cartoon figure in their head & superimposing it onto you...it doesnt matter what you do or say or if you even still communicate with them; they're still blaming, craving or attacking you in their head, according to what mood they're in or any need to rationalize their loneliness or business mistakes. The cartoon of "you" is the perfect trashcan for whatever they don't want to digest.

They love conflict and feel energized with conflict! 😕

Liza Field, Your comment helped me put this idea together: They're mean to you out of nowhere. Might have to do with the mood they're in. So it's something brewing inside of them and it just comes out on you. Just like Dr. C said, they have this ongoing agitation just underneath the surface that could explode onto you. That, plus being a control freak. Also, because they're in a superiority complex delusion, they might mistake something you said as a challenge to them.

Or the Martyr !

That's a perfect summary of how they are.

So the guy who says, "Yes I'm a jerk, deal with it" would not be a narcissist?

@@dodieodie498 that is a proud narc... they defy you to call them out, then boldly admit to it... these are the ones you AVOID at all costs.

@@sharonkingston9450 the victim

You are so precious! ♥️ It's not good that he still knows how to reach you, or find you. You need to move if he knows where you live. He only wants to come back to 'Make You Pay' for that year in jail! The internet makes it very easy to locate people. If you can feed it false information on your location, do so! Seriously, protect yourself! Contact an organization that helps battered women, so you can learn their ways of hiding, and protecting yourself. Take a course on self protection! Some are free. 💌

@@faithm9284 Your new address shows only when you move and change voting location. I haven't changed my address for voting in years and it still shows I live at an address I moved from years ago. I've had several different addresses on my drivers license but none of those show up when I try and track myself. As for paying one of those internet sites, the ones that find your email etc., I have no clue what they use. They need to be taken down for safety reasons!!! HUGS

I have a question for you,.... By any chance, when he wants to use you because he cannot survive on his own as well without you, does he still after all that, continue to decieve you with cheating and lying about it to you which causes conflicts when you try to set boundaries for what you will and will not accept? Honestly after what I just went through, I keep myself focused on the reality that he is sick and it is not his fault he is sick and behaves like this, his enablers know damn well what they are doing too in encouraging obviously unhealthy conduct and there is something wrong with them too, but it is not my job to fix him all I can do is pray for him and move on and completely cut him and the circus that surrounds him, out of my life. I wish you all the very best in removing this scourge from your life. Stand strong and maintain NO CONTACT at all because they are masters at sucking you back in because you are caring and kind, traits and virtues they are not capable of. That is why I keep telling myself whenever I feel weak, he is sick and that is not his fault, but I cannot save him, or fix him and it is not my responsibility to do so. The best I can do is wish him well, pray for his well being and move on by completely removing him from my life, knowing I am not hurting him by doing so, I am saving me and that is the ONLY thing I can do successfully in this situation because he is sick and it is not his fault, and not my fault either. I will keep you in my prayers.

@@karenorlowski6433 They never change, they only get smarter about hiding things. They will even go to church with you to fool you into believing they have changed. RUN and do NOT look back!!!

@@karenorlowski6433 Yes! He is sick, AND doing it On Purpose, ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT! They make you a pet! Your there for their wants, needs, but it's never anything close to real love. It's a game they play to build themselves up as they break you down. Covert or Overt doesn't matter, the results, their plan, it's the same; and who the players are, doesn't matter to them at all! They will replace you soon enough, so don't let your emotions rule here! This is mental warfare, and you're being hunted for the worst kind of mental death. It's as basic and emotionally void for a guy, as a friend w/benefits with adding an abusive evil agenda against you. Being married to one only means they have steady supply, your still a pet! They can be charming, affectionate, generous, but it's all with an agenda! They have their game down, and don't believe you can 'beat them at their own game' trying to keep your head above water, reality intact. Don't believe this is love! Remind yourself, if their mouth is moving they're lying, flirting in front of you guarantees cheating, you are only a prop to them, pet! Please realize,.. accept the knowledge, their emotional games ARE Done On Purpose, and you need to get out of the way of the Max truck! If you are 'there' you will always be in 'its' sights until it destroys you! This is not a competition to see who's 'stronger', and if you feel any of that, run, because that Will Be a challenge to them. Distroying Strong, Kind, Compassionate woman is fun for them. Find out what a healthy relationship consist of, it doesn't just happen! You need to be the healthiest 'component' in the dynamics before you will know who is a good mate. Ask God to give you healthy boundaries, He'll do it for you! Give yourself time learn, and to understand why you attract them! Take the quiz on 'How We Love .Com' it's free and you don't need to give your email to access it. They do offer great added info if you want it. It will tell you what your attachment style is, and what you need to address. I snapshot my results so I can take it again to see how I'm healing. Ask God to make you the woman, (man) He created you to be, He makes it easy breezy! Much love to you, and God bless! 💌

Elizabeth Bingham, Hope you are not with a narcissist 😈!

It's sickening!

My husband just did - lost his entire family and doesn’t seem all that upset about it!

why are the needs of s Narcissist selfish, and your needs are not selfish??

@@kesselrunheroj8497 much like, in a ‘do as thou wilt’ society, what’s evil to one person, is good to another. I guess it just depends upon which side you are on?

If I had to take a psychology course in high school that included in the curriculum some information about personality disorders I wouldn't be here 20 years later with my life in ruin. It took me several years of studying on my own to begin to realize the situation I was in and by then it was far too late.

decades .

I'm literally sick !...I feel nauseous to FINALLY accept I know its true..all my wasted years married to one.

Agreed! Along with politics, psychology, economics, and much much more!!

@@sahamal_savu Do you have children?

I was at a dinner with a beautiful women and some narc could not allow me to just avoid my meal in peace. Anything can trigger the losers.

YES! That is their modus operandi!!!

True, but they will call you jealous!! And if you are not a jealous person, they will bring a thir person on the game. Either cheat or talk about this person constantly and THEN call you jealous and at the same time put you down. It's torture.

@@joey3rony i hope u got rid of the bitch, homie

💯👏

So true! It is funny bc mine would ridicule me for my driving and say ‘you better never get a ticket!’ But when he got two, the first was bc he was a man (lady cop) and the second was bc he was white (black cop). And when he rear ended someone, it was bc the sun light blinded him, caused him to sneeze and rear end person. And when he knocked something off the counter, the shoes that I bought him caused him to slip and his hand to jolt violently. Those are the things that you can roll your eyes at. Other things that they do...not so much.

Shelby simply put but genius

Or narcissist says ; “look what you made me do!”

😂😂😂😂

@@lacrossslounge5403 right?

Hell on earth. And the older they are, the worse and more frequent the pattern cycles they send you through happen. From love-bombing to discard within a few days, then over again. I’m losing my mind. No normal family life. No love, I don’t know what love is. No good communication, just you listening to their stories, with full attention. You talk, they turn back and leave or multitask. I worry about what damage living with him for 50 years has done to me. I have tremors, upset stomach, never truly happy. No joy. He’s a joy killer. He’s created a completely dysfunctional home and family, but his abnormal behavior is just for me and our poor two sons with autism who hear and see conflict. During 8 month separation, I never was once upset. He upsets me every day. It’s so late in life now to divorce him, but he’s gotten so bad for my health, I’ve got to do something.

@@suemeadows7639 it’s never too late to seek happiness.

😂😂😂😂funny yet NOT funny

@@suemeadows7639 I feel like you do. 19 years in. I don't want to lose "my house:

@@suemeadows7639 please leave.... it’s never too late

Which is why being around narcs. are so tricky. It's also exhausting.

Until it happens so many times... you actually expect it. It usually happens after a series of positive interactions. And then WHAM!

I can relate to that. Family meetings where everyone else knows but me and i am supposed to just decide on things that instant. First time, ok.... but then i explained i would appreciate collaborative input before everyone(the children)else knows or has decided as to not everyone gets their hopes up and in turn guilt me further into submission when I either can't do a said thing or do not want to do something.

You know it will come, but not always when.

@@greeneyedparadox6609 Usually there are red flags. Rarely do issues just surface from nowhere. But please remember that guilting is common with certain types of family members. If they don't come out and tell you something, there will be a pretty extensive display of passive-aggressive behavior. It is up to you to notice. It is one thing to care, but it is another for someone to take full advantage of your kindness. You owe nothing to anyone but yourself.

Oh I see you’ve met my son. Take care.

@@emailjosie39 I find myself questioning whether I am the narcissist cos he accuses me of all the things I think he does. My head feels like it will explode. Advice of how a healthy person does it a good refocus.

You've obviously met my mother

The narcissist is never really smart, hence why they cannot see their bad behavior, lack of self consciousness is not smart.

Julia Jules AGREE!!!!!!!!!

My ex bf was like this! He will say I love you and want you to move in within a month. ALL of his exes have lived...with HIM. Not the other way around. We dated in high school and I thought he may have changed in 18 years but I also didn’t realize he was a narcissist until this second try. He needs and likes control and when that didn’t work with me, it caused problems. He knew how I was, he knew my beliefs about living together and other subjects. He thought he could get me to change my mind (because you know? Why wouldn’t I? He’s wonderful. 🙄) and when he couldn’t, things got worse. No respect for boundaries, always trying to force me to do things, silent treatment, (quick) anger, emotional blowups, always my fault, tried isolation...all of the textbook crap. This guy is literally talking about him. Lol! I wanted to build a foundation, something lasting but he rushes everything. I’m so happy I left...I was miserable.

Lunatics is what they are.

So fucking true... My ex started dating before the break up... I still haven't moved on fully and she is engaged 😂

@@rameshsharma4422 sounds about right. I'm sorry you are going through this, but you learned a lot, and walked away smarter.

@@tranquility9325 Thank you so much.... smarter? I could write a book on it now... On a serious note it was the greatest gift of my life... Not every gift comes wrapped in happiness... This one clearly didn't.... But was the greatest thing happened to me

Yeh, because they see your different opinion as an attack on theirs, which in their 'reality' is always right, so yours must be wrong. And if you stick to your opinion, that's it, bang! The fight is on. I just state I'm not interested in fighting, only in real conversation/discussion. And calmly walk away.

Aw, god! Been there! 😆

Yep or "we've been spending too much time together". BS way of turning the situation into a blame game

🤣🤣🤦🏾‍♀️

Get out!❤️

When they snap, they start making threats, such as taking away something they think you want, even though you may not even want it. Example. My 86 yr old dad is in a nursing home. He wont take his therapy so medicare dropped him. I, his 63 yr old daughter, is his POA. Not by my choice however. Dad has dementia. Im paying the nursing home out of his bank account. He wants me to bring him 500.00 to the nursing home. I refuse. He begins to threaten that he will take me off of his bank account if I dont stop trying to control his money. How twisted is that. I walk out of the room, and I dont go back.

So true. After I left I told mine I would only communicate by text. He still would call every day even tho I said a million times I didn’t want to actually speak. Then when he would text and ask if I could talk and I told him no (for the millionth time as I said before I would only text) he would snap.

@@sharoncrawford3042 😍

@@sharoncrawford3042 l

@@kristinnoguera8632 We wouldn't expect a grown man to throw a tantrum, but they do.

Oh yeah .makes me smile big when remembering saying that to one

@@Lamster66 lol

@@scottshamp9300 Tell a narc you don't care while giving their slight psychopathic smile back to them, priceless.

,,..im waiting to get away from a so called friend whos a big pain in the backside..a controll freak manic..lots of anger..no compassion..no empathy..i cant wait to move out...

Lack of empathy is a sign of narcissism.

You have no choice but to laugh at their immaturity to keep your sanity. Isn't it amazing how they are all basically the same? I'm so glad we have information like this available now. It feels good to be validated.

I record him regularly. If not, for anyone but myself. I just retired and am stuck with him. I live my life more separately because financially, it works. He's a mess. 71 and something always wrong with him. He's morbidly obese by the doctor's standards and wonders why he had to have a knee replacement, two back surgeries, now heart issues. He continues to shove food in his mouth. If I suggest therapy because he's always in pain, he says I'm heartless. Ya can't win. I am so frustrated but turn him off. Last year, I told him I wanted a two month in house separation. It was wonderful! I have many friends and many hobbies. His hobbies are watching TV and eating. UGH. Had to get it out. Thanks.

Once she knew that I recorded her she went crazy, told me that it was illegal. I said it was for my own sanity, and I just wanted to hear our conversations again.

@Ima Wake I learned that the hard way.

@@juliantreidiii What's more is most are getting more and more aware that people are recording their lunacy, spreading awareness, and sharing their differing (yet oddly in-common) experiences with narcs so others can watch out. That's what it's all about. To spread awareness for others who may not know how these people are, and how to avoid them, and watch out for them. But narcs know full well of narc-awareness on the rise, so they feel cornered, and not being able to breathe. They don't see the benefit of narc awareness, all they see is a reality that cuts off, or gets in their way of the only thing that matters to them: their supply. I had one of them go off in all caps on a forum talking about how people need to lay off of narcs, and pay attention to the real "threats" such as sociopaths and psychopaths, and how narcs were innocents and misunderstood. When I replied that narcs are in the same class as sociopaths and psychopaths, and all sociopaths and psychopaths are narcs by default anyways, she had a full on meltdown. Demanding how old I was (like all of them do to invalidate me due to my age), if I went to college ( like all of them do to invalidate me as an uppity, overly educated know-it-all who knows nothing about the real world), and telling me to stop being a coward, to shut my mouth about narcissists, and to be woman enough to meet her at her house...I guess to fight? XD So when craps really getting heated, expect a lot more of them to ask, "you recording me or something?" Either with a smirk, sarcastically, or overtly threateningly, and expect them to promise that if you're recording them that you're going to "pay." I grew up with a narc mother who found my private journals which recorded the outlandish things she said over the years. Oh, how she magically "remembered" what she said when she denied it beforehand. Oh, how she held me captive for hours on end, blabbing on about me taking it to heart, and punishing her, and talking such poison, and how good she was. But to cap it off, she promised me that if I even thought of tape recording her irl, or over the phone, that was "betrayal", she was my mother, and that I would be sorry. She said time and time she's not afraid of court, and she'd make me pay, because again, narcs will cling onto the fact that recording others against their consent is "illegal", yet they hate evidence, and never mind the fact that almost all damage they cause to other's lives is illegal. The finniest thing I've eve r heard from her regarding my writing things about her shenanigan's was that I wasn't going to get "rich" off of her. I guess she really was paranoid I was going to write a "tell all" about her. Nah, because that would mean I would voluntarily puke constantly. I didn't even know people took to recording narcs back then. I just wrote it down, because I love to write, and it's easy for me to record things in that way, but she may have had some experience with it from someone else. Because while writings can just be taken as writings, or edgy teen angst in that point in time, actual audio recordings that can be authenticated can rule out all doubt. Watch the panic in a narc's eyes if you even offhandedly mention recording any hypothetical evidence being recorded by audio or CCTV. Watch the narc go on and on about how the other person on the audio "made" the narc say the awful things, and threats they said. Listen to them justify on how much someone else made the narc in the records curse, hit someone, or throw things about. Watch them scramble and claim that there are still two sides to each story to invalidate the situation. And if all else fails, well, they can always say eff you, or fly into yet another narc rage. They just ain't wired right. As paranoid as they are about their good reputation while acting like the biggest, flaming pieces of dog feces on planet earth, you'd think they'd just be good people, and give up the wickedness, but I suppose that's just too much for them. Because if they did, they wouldn't be who they are. I can't really view them, or people like them, or people worse than them as "people" either. They got no humanity, and seem right proud of it too, so there's nothing left in how to feel about them.

only if the narc is smart enough else you just se a weak minded person doing weak minded things they are actualy children in grown ups bodies.

You cannot run from a parent!!

@@ntailex4277 Once you are an adult you can. I'm very reluctant to give my father any time anymore.

Sadly, I'm my narcissistic mother's caregiver. There is no one but me. My older brother has passed and my older sister is also narcissistic but complicated by many other mental disabilities as well (I'm also her caregiver). Theres no escape for me.

I agree and it’s difficult when the narcissists are you stepdaughters 😩

Well stated. Dr. C

Brenda Stein....Amen 😀👏👏👏💐

Beautifully said, thank you, May 2020 be a bright and happy path for you and yours..much love and appreciation 💙🌸💙

Thank You 😊. Right back to You 😊

Amen

Maybe you should not be making public statements like this where your ex-wife could be easily identified.

Leave her? For your own benefit? Or does she discard you, wait a while, and then apologize and find a way to blame YOU for her reaction? Aaaah the cycle of abuse.

Yes. My husband does just that.

YES. My ex did the same. I only ever had conflict with him and he called me evil and manipulative. Funny when I told everyone else they were SHOCKED that he said that to me and not the other way around.

I was called bi polar by 2 individuals who one is a narc and has PTSD, the other one has many personality disorders, too many to even name here. Two loons sitting at a table discussing my mental health. All I needed was popcorn. It was simply something out of this world. One of her issues is dissociative identity disorder, which used to be called multiple personality disorder. She also has Munchausen. Which is where a person pretends to have an illness for attention. She pretended she had 2 terminal cancers at the same time, with zero symptoms lol. But yes, I'm the sick one😂

Gray rock is the best method......uh huh...yes, no, oh really?...sounds good,...short and sweet answers do not lend to conflict...

That's important, putting you (and me) in your place. As long as I knew my place I could depend on this close friend to reassure me, but if I significantly stepped out of line...yikes.

I learned this as a child and it was to protect myself from the abusers. The less I talked or participated, the less I could be criticized and punished for doing so. I then got labeled a " shy", "introverted" etc. Total bs.

We have to be quiet to protect ourselves.

This is exactly what I did.

I hear ya sister....... mine is close to dying and I dont really care, sounds horrible but its the truth, I had to listen to this to remind myself what she has done all my life!

Yep and no matter what a person loves their own mother. After affects are real.

Cassandra agreed!! Mine is my step mother and It’s tough to deal with. Wish I new how😞

25 years of therapy after my narcissistic mother died helped me !

Cassandra - Mine is my adult Daughter, and it's becoming Impossible to even tolerate short visits from her, she seems calm and nice, but then just explodes into a rage over absolutely Nothing , and won't let me speak at all, if I start to say something, she just shouts over my voice, so I've stopped trying. I'm pretty sure she wasn't like this as a child, so I'm confused about why she's like it now.

That's when they are collecting ammo to use later, even good stuff.

Hehe. From experience, I've learnt that the true form of whom a narcissist is comes out when; They are soo envious and threatened by another individual basically appreciating and validating you in public that they decide to instigate an opinion contest with that person. Obviously they are going to be oppositional to them in an effort to maintain the narrative that you are worthless and of no value. But then the said person and the public do not have any relationship with the Narc that necessitates loyalty to them. And so these other people plainly and unflinchingly point out the flaws in the narcissists reasoning and there is a general consensus that what they are trying to advance is wrong. And because of the Narcs need to remain hidden and keep this fake persona in public, they have nothing to do but concede or at least not expose their irrationality in public. From that moment, they lose control of the carefully curated persona as well as the similarly curated extremely unreasonable narcissistic persona as it will be identified and pointed out. They become the true deeply insecure and self loathing individual that hides behind the fakes. They have this defeated hang of the flesh over their bones. They will probably slouch, The fake beauty on their face that I honestly believe is a practiced intentional holding of the face muscles is out the wind. Thus they become this ugly person who seems to be 20 years older. They plod around with a certain splattering of footsteps and flailing of limbs, They suddenly loose any regulation of holding the body in any decent stance and give this appearance of a person ready to let their whole body and being be abused and used as trash, They will most probably suddenly vomit out some word salad in a fashion that reminds one of a child's tantrum or something like a rabbied animal thrashing incoherently. The whole look reminds you of some very primal animal that has no idea what human civility is. It is profoundly disgusting.

Not a mirage, they are just setting you up.

That’s impossible. They can’t train themselves to do anything, especially not anything to do with emotions or expressing their emotions. They already think they’re perfect and they’d never do meditation because they’d never be alone with nothing but their thoughts. So what you’re describing is not a narcissist.

​@@chrissmith6097​ This is an *extremely* silly and childish comment, especially the last sentence; that was quite rude. The clearest debunk for this is that it's all a spectrum; OF COURSE they can train themselves to do things, otherwise they wouldn't be able to do ANYTHING?!? Lol?? Some can, some can't. Some can really well, some not so well. The anger probably blew up in their face BADLY one time so they did what they could to hide it, or maybe they knew that being calm would trigger others more or lead to better control. They do indeed have moments where they have internal turmoil, and their false self falls apart due to any reason like loss of supply or a permanent injury from a bad accident; depending on the narc, of course. It's extremely unlikely for you to have any psychological training especially if making a comment like this. How can you even begin to make a comment like this? Think about how hurtful this probably was to the person who dealt with such a narcissist..!

This is so classically narcissistic

I agree. I read so many books on effective communication. Not one single book said you cannot effectively communicate with a narcisst - it is a waste of time. Effective information tells you to get away from them ASAP.

There is no way to have a genuine experience with a narc, it’s all a control game.

The only positive experience with a narc is to leave them.

Genuine !

You damn right. I've previously described them as; A configuration of the intangible stuff that inhabits the brain that cannot be described as human but as an invasive entity that has taken control of the physical vessel of a human being. One who's sustenance is raw pain, dispair, fear, and pretty much that terror that is experienced as one proceeds towards demise. So the thing is like a farmer, all their efforts are to cultivate and saw seeds in that intangible part of you that yield the above mentioned things. So that they can always come and harvest this produce and feed themselves to continue to exist. And just like any organism, they seek to propergate their genes and hence you will notice a pertinent need to procreate its type and continue its legacy. This to me makes sense. That they can and should be classified as an almost sentient invasion of the physical human body

Alan Walker my narcissist ex husband was everybody’s best friend. He was so so over the top friendly I always thought that was so bizzare

OMG, my stomach just dropped when I read this. I just met someone who is seemingly desperately trying to be my friend. She is really mushy, gushy, drippy, sappy & saccharine sweet to everyone. I get a really creepy vibe from people who have that sunshine disposition and are over the moon to see everyone in their path. I’ve seen flashes of a dark side to this person already, but only for a brief second. She just gives me a sick feeling in my stomach from the moment I met her. Before she even opened her mouth to me, I wanted to GTFO of the room she was in. Intuition is real. I am trying to stay away from her, but my situation is sort of limited right now and I can’t quite get out of it yet. So, in the meantime, I am very superficial/surface with this person. I don’t tell her anything of substance and I keep my face, tone and demeanor pretty neutral when I’m around her. She could suck the air out of a room.

@@RustySpoons6490 Some people are actually nice , but with a narcissist...…….Run away.

@@RustySpoons6490 You just described my beautiful 41 yr old daughter...unfortunately.

I had a coworker come at me like that. "Oh youre so awesome, we should be BFFLs.. " Im like "dial it back buddy, you don't even know me at all to call me awesome" he tried very hard to get in my good graces only to try to get me to cover shifts for him. 🤔

What makes it a he. This is my soon to be ex wife all the way.

@@SORGIGERMANICO She may be a Sociopath

@pasture green How you know it’s not you? You think Sociopaths admit they’re Sociopath? No

Yes...good to spot them early then run!!

Already saw it

Yeah man, this girl has this weird demonic influence over me. of course it was from sex involved, but there was so much more man... this person had NO light about them, very cold and calculated.

My husband cleans up something and he talks about it all day. I do 50 things a day and not a word. If I don't praise him, I'm heartless. God, drives me nuts.

This isn't universally true. Not every narcissist is psychopathic. There is good in me..im just an empty person with no empathy and need for superiority and vain as fuck. I indeed will snap if confronted but if some guy was dragging a little girl off or something id risk my life to save her. I'm actually disgusted by bullies and psychopaths and wish i could feel the warm emotions that typical humans get. I'm lonely, depressed, and have attempted suicide twice. My desire to pass increases as years add up and i can't look as good as i used to. At 36 the future is bleak because id rather die than be old and ugly.

@@prettyricky9676 You should know that vanity gets you nowhere. Don’t you see that by now. How shallow and sad for you.

@@lifeisgood7740 perhaps you are right. C'est la vie as it were. I can't see myself any other way. Maintaining my physique and performance going into my 40s is taking unnatural measures at this time but im ok with the possible consequences. I might not live quite as long as my peers but I'll die beautiful. I have a love for beauty and indulgence but i truly wish no harm on anyone. Unless they go out of their way to get into mine 😏

Just ask narcomaniac "are you addict?", and he'll ask you money.

They study you and figure out how to manipulate you. I am just part of his collection of stuff. He is a collector that is borderline hoarding. It is organized like a museum, labeled, on display stands, has to have all of it and the best. I am a minimalist and don’t collect anything. I do’t see the point. I am just part of the collection.

@@colleengarcia7752 all the things they found good in you become things to despise later. Things to pick apart. It's as tho they see the good in you, see the lack of good I themselves, then use them against you. It's a no win situation.

Yeah, I was going to say one trait that the person may be a narcissist is that they will go on about themselves and their accomplishments. The guys may have long sideburns or long mustaches too. Watch out for them.

Brother, I'm just figuring that out about my wife.

@@caddis4801 its tough Bro. Stay strong ✊

@@sillycaveman7832 this ole man Hippie, may need advice is available?

The first thing this girl did was befriend my best friend, and turned him against me, basically tried to date both of us at the same time as her sources, and obviously we split as friends/had a fall out, in hindsight, it was rather convenient for her cause theres no way to tell if shes still talking to him while dating me if we're not friends anymore.

It’s sad because they force you into isolation. But, that makes room for all the great people out there in the world. It’s really a heart breaking situation

70 years old and you still have the courage to date and work on yourself. Be proud and kind to yourself. You're awesome.

Right behind you sister! Go younger, and let him be the pleaser! When I've date older, or those my age, they have been stuck, boring, controlling, or all of the above! That isn't to say they can't be younger, and still be all of these things, but it's less likely! Know who you are, your value! When you realize how truly precious you are, a man will too. Being a pleaser is not in your best interest, it makes men lazy, complacent. Learn what you want from a man, and life. Set your boundaries with no compromising. When you break your own boundaries, you lower your standards in his eyes. He will lose interest, along with respect even if he still stays around. Stand firm, and he will value you. And most importantly, regardless of the culture these days, keep your panties on! All a man wants to do is make you happy! Let him! Just not 'that' way! God didn't make men to think, the way women do. There is so much that could be shared on this subject to get you on track, (but don't do what you've been doing!) ☺️

I know this comment is a year old but Helen you are awesome and an inspiration for us younger ladies. Hope you are still doing well

@Sincere I had a widowed neighbour, an older lady, who was happily married in her younger years. I guess she was lonely, so she hooked up with an old grump who lives in our building. From what I could tell, he did not treat her respectfully, though she was his "girlfriend," walking yards ahead of her when the were out and about. I marvel she put up with his crabbiness when she didn't have to.

@@faithm9284 you are so right Faith. I am 64 and have decided to go younger and to definitely avoid narcissists. Even at my age, I know there is someone worthwhile out there. I discovered my last relationship was with a covert narc. He was 69 years old. Just ended it 3 months ago and fortunately saw the signs before going too far (2 years).

100%

So true, and if you are conditioned from childhood. the abnormality of the behavior of the narcissist has long since become invisible, i.e. , effectively "normal", so that you don't see it until so much later, when, as they say, the scales have fallen from your eyes. Just as Dianne has said.

Thank you for your voice. Keep speaking your truth because in the end that is the best way to truly defeat the narcissist :) To always be true to you no matter what!

Dianne Christensen I’m a Mother to a Narc daughter. She’s been diagnosed with BPD and BiPolar 1 but I know she’s a Narc. I went N/C with her almost one year ago. I couldn’t take the abuse and torment she was handing out to me. I just was so sick of it I cut her off. I miss my grandkids so much. But my life has been so much better since I don’t have her in my life. I feel free. I’m taking my life back.

@@tammyw.4779 I hope your life is doing better now. May God bless you and your daughter. Shalom!

In my situation as I'm thinking about the covert I am divorcing, it's not that he was convincing... more than I wanted to be convinced. I saw what I wanted to see in him because deep down I wanted him to save me from my previous abusive home life (he had all the signs)He was going to rescue me and no matter what I was going to make that square fit in that circular shape! I get mad at myself sometimes. I was that desperate for rescuing, so I thought that I would break every moral, relationship boundary I set up for myself. You live, Lear and be better every moment!! Sending LOVE and peace!!

Raoul Kleijntjens - It has always been my nature to back away from a conflict until it can be discussed rationally but those are circumstances that do not occur when dealing with a narcissist. That said, I merely disengage - further and further. I see that as different from "the silent treatment" yet that is the accusation that eventually comes forth. I will not sit there and make small talk because they want to change the subject and push it into the rear-view mirror as quickly as possible as a means of diffusing it. No explanation and certainly no apology. But I get what you're saying

PJE I totally agree. I have been accused by my covert narc of punishing with the silent treatment for disengaging. I have learned to keep all conversation shallow and agreeable in order to not induce a disagreement. Now my narc says "it's very obvious you are trying to shut me out of your life". You can't win! Our relationship has become so shallow and superficial that it's not worth keeping. So I left.

@@CG-bt7oc - It's sad though that shallow conversations mean shallow friendships and this person is most definitely not a bad human being

@@kharissataylor2001 I thought I could "fix" the NPD. I wanted to make the rescue ... make the square fit the circle. Either approach can lead to the same place.

My bro is a narc too...hardcore

Mine too....evil!

@@michellewall6748 isnt it just insane ?

I kno the feeling It's sometimes difficult, frustrating and painful to watch your brother in this situation! God bless

Dear sir. By watchung your video I've learned a lot bout narcissism. Thanks for sharing

I'm with you. Dr. C

Best advice. I actually was considering sharing this with my wife. I'm glad I didn't. Thank you for your Sage advice.

Bingo! It may seem & feel cold and calloused, but After you’ve seen and read some narc intervention horror stories, you’ll thank yourself. There is none so blind as he who WILL not see😎🙏🏻

Whew, these people are literally rocket science. They can take the most innocent things and turn them ugly. Just don't make sense.

@Jay Arre true. In my family only several of us are healthy.

And, if you're like me, you can see them coming a mile away.......Thank god I am NOT ISOLATED with EITHER!!!!😂🤣😂🤣🤗

Best way. Don't engage. And yes also for some reason me too I can sense them. This world is riddled with this disease. Pigeons flock together eagle's fly alone. AMOR VINCIT OMNIA.

Me too‼️

me three

Same 🖐️

Yup. Just tell em 'no' and watch if they blow up or retaliate... it's easy to detect.

@@GrandmaBones666 yep, starting with you....

@@tessw9744 And they'll give you the most hateful glares too...

sDusky Butterflyk yep

Madeleine you're so right. They'll go home and stew over the conversation for hours and then send you a looong email accusing you of hating them, and of purposely trying to pick a fight through disagreement, blah blah blah....

You've got one of my type! And always 100 excuses, usually coming back to blaming you why it was impossible to pick up the phone

@@barbeeska haaha that's right, its always the other person! YOU made it too difficult. Boohoo! lol

You're a pretty immature and soulless creature yourself to talk about others like that. Especially people with a deep engrained personality disorder that they didn't choose to suffer from.

@@JLUX100 a narcissist knows exactly what they are doing. So therefore they are CHOOSING to hurt people the way they do. Unless you've dealt with one on a personal level you have no idea.

@@michelegray5970although that is true you have to remember they didn't choose to be a narcissist and have those types of behaviours and make those choices. Also may I point out that most people with personality disorders are non violent nor abusive and usually don't ever go that way. Some do but most don't. I think I have dealt with one or two narcissistic people in my life and possibly one sociopath before but they were never diagnosed so it's hard to confirm. Regardless they are not creatures they're still human beings. I just think the way you worded your original post was lacking compassion

I experienced the very same thing.

Always trying to outwit or outsmart you so you question your ability to think and make decisions. You question your common sense and feel defensive for nothing. Recently we were in Home Depot and I showed him the controller I had for our sprinkler system. It was a battery operated timer and it worked for several years. He cut through the power lines to out main controller but left me to fix it. It suddenly stopped working but the read out worked and I could manually operate it. He gaslit me in the store asking if the batteries are dead, did I use the right kind of batteries, there are better batteries that I should have used, his voice was loud and extremely condescending and there were many men around us. He won, even thought I loudly said I am not an idiot. I can tell if a battery is dead! UGH...He wanted me to question my ability to reason, and think. He wanted me to feel small and stupid and he feel macho and superior.

Good on you , be strong and authentic ... take care of yourself and thrive ja ja

Yes.. Never responds to the questions asked and picks up a whole new topic to talk about

Or sitting there silently like all of a sudden they can't comprehend English.

...it sounds like a territorial bigfoot encounter to me....when you have to... run like hell... out of the woods to save yourself... ...stay out of sasquatch territory...

Not just rewrite history man. It's worse, they believe their false revisedvhistory AND tell it to everyone else around you. The sad part is a lot of people believe them and you turn out to be the bad guy even though you have been the victim.

My narcissist ex-friend said "And I don't want to hear complaints, only solutions" when we were working in the same room, and no one had said a word for 10 minutes. She also criticized me for 'using 2 keystrokes instead of 1' because using 1 extra keystroke 'wasted time'. They always find something to criticize.

Ray Whittington to feed their supply 😳

It doesn’t exactly help that most of media and pretty much all of politics is like you just describe. Saw the presidential debate yesterday and it was all about not listening more than 3 seconds, then accusing and trying to rewrite history. Most of it was gas lightning. And yes I think Trump was worse from this point of view, even though I don’t pick a side in these things.

@@YtubeUserr Sounds like Republicans up against a wall.

Pegasus 514 Great comment, I'm sure you went thru some fire to get those nuggets, I had a blowup with my narc wife, so I went to a councilor who knows about narcissistic behavior, so I set boundaries with narc wife, I told her I am here to talk but if you can't talk to me civily, quietly, and not walk out of conversation, and quit blaming then I won't talk to you period. That made her rage and give silent treatment. A week of silence then she says get out of my house, your not being a husband to me. I hit the road and got divorced asap.

Pegasus 514 Very astute description !

Unless they are a covert. They will have no reaction whatsoever mixed with a smug sense of superiority.

It's pretty hard to keep a straight face once you know the patterns. "golly gee, that's a yellow bellied sociopath I read about on pg 134!" Kinda like birdwatching. 🙂🤔🤗 But I have scar tissue from literally biting my tongue, or anything else to prevent me from blurting out: "YOU'RE A YELLOW BELLIED SOCIOPATH I READ ABOUT ON PAGE 134!!!!" It never ends well. "Shut up Wanda. For once in your life, let the idiot pass by in peace." Which keeps me from looking like one too.😜

0/10 would not recommend I got choked, hair ripped out & beat up approx. an hour ago due to laughing... lol. Seriously though they HATE it. “Stopppp... LAUGHING!!!!” *punch punch punch* its funny after a while I cant help it

@@AnotherLosttSoul better to laugh with a baseball bat in your hand, huh?

Seriously, when a narc pulls stuff, he knows he deserves a firing squad. Why they run, gaslight you, and try to turn others against you. They also deserve a firing squad. They really know this and they want to goad you into confrontation so they can slap you down hard, again and again. Like a ball and paddle. Hunt them down. Be in it for the long game if you want the pleasure of witnessing their destruction. It will take years, they figure you have forgotten...I know this is bad but, I've never gotten more pleasure than watching them go down in the worst way. I'm old enough that people have died on me. Very few tears have I shed. Are you a douchebag with a bullying past who has "seen better days?" You may count me as one who enjoys your well deserved suffering. The debt you owe your victims will never be paid any other way.

Or has Borderline Personality Disorder. Very similar.

@Jay Arre Good luck with that... you would have to tell them each individual time that they should apologize - and they will never understand why...

@Jay Arre , a horsewhip would be a useful aid.

Oh yeah baby!

Jay Arre NOPE! You must not be nearly naive enough to think that you have the insights, cunning, knowledge, stamina and will to dominate necessary to train them. And even more than that, you must not be silly enough to think that they’re going to willingly have any part of being trained! You must not have encountered real narcs

@Jay Arre Don't think they can be trained because true narcissists are never sorry about anything they do, so if they are apologizing, it is fake just to get you off their back.

Yes they like someone to agree so they can feel justified when they've done something wrong.

Kyna Thomas don’t we all ?

They operate in black and white, agreeing to disagree requires moving in the grey areas which requires patience and understanding and pondering, skills they don't have... easier for a prideful arrogant person to just believe they are right all the time and if the dumbass world would just align themselves with their thinking then all would be well.

@@bw2442 100%

Great comment!

That is a very good description. I always felt that in the company of my narcissistic father that something was inherently wrong. Like a marionette that developed a mind of it's own during the show it feels the strings being pulled but doesn't understand the forces controlling it as it knows nothing else and is yet to see the hand it dangles from.

Judit Hargitay Yes! A lot of times hours or days will pass and then it dawns on me what they really meant in their sneaky, dishonest way.

There’s no way you could’ve known without experiencing it. That’s the secret sauce of the narc. Healthy people don’t act this way. We expect everyone is healthy. By the time you figure it out, you’ve been in a relationship with a narc.

@@astralcat4880 It certainly takes time to figure out the agenda behind the words of a Narcissistic abuser. Even when we aren't actively spending time trying to figure them out, our subconscious mind that originally alerted you about something going on seems to try and figure it out like a computer running a virus check in the background while you go about your work.

I always felt my chest tighten near to the time I’d be around those people. I’m sure I like many Christians attribute that to the Holy Spirit telling us that things just aren’t right. But I think we have as people, an keen ability to reason better than we think. Of course I ignored that for years and thought if I were stronger, and better Christian those things wouldn’t bother me. But they still did. When I finally left - I felt defeated, but as time went on- I saw things in a completely different light. I prayed they would change once I was gone, but what changed was me. I’ll never know what’s come of their life since, but do want to be better listener to myself and others. Maybe then I’ll take those cues much better, and move on in a much healthier way. Good thing for growth. ❤️ Thanks for your insight.

Blues mamarara: I'm proud of you sister! You are strong, and wise! Having healthy boundaries, and loving yourself is the best value you can offer your healthy self! The right man will show himself to you, you will be a prize to him, and a force of nature. God's blessings! 💌

Yep. I had all the things about him I was like wtf why are you like this. Why does he do these things....Been about a month I found Dr Cater and Dr Ramini. Now I know. They talk about all his ways. Classic narc. Down the list. Now what am I going to do? I love him and I guess the dream of how I wish he was. Hes a cool person but I c ant live with out someone i can truely talk to about me and my feelings. Someone to encourage me and lift me up. Makes me so sad.

Narcissists are not about love, so please know what you're feeling is from Codependency, by lack of personal boundaries. That's why it feels like love. You're about to be compassionate to him, and waste many years of your life. This is why you are his prey. No boundaries means he can manipulate you, and you will lower your standards to excuse his treatment of you. The love bombing is only until he convinces you he's 'the one' and his bad treatment is only random! Know you are being tested, and honed to accept his manipulation, lies, and emotional abuse. You are now the frog in the hot pot of simmering water. He's not the one. If you have s€x with him, you will attach, he won't! Look up oxytocin, and ladies! Please keep your panties On. Take the quiz to see what your attachment style is on How We Love .com it's free. What you score, are the things you need to work on. You don't have to give your email for results, however, I suggest you snapshot your results so you can go back as you conquer, in yourself what draws Narcissists to you. They have lots of really great information on this site too! Fix yourself first, or you will be like a bouncing ball through life not able to find a place to land safely. Don't think you have to stick around to figure him out, you are already ahead of his game because you know he's a Narcissist, but you're only ahead if you breakaway. They know what is needed to seem like your soulmate, it isn't real, please save yourself, your precious life's time, cut and run. 💌

@@terrikelly2762 if you see the warning signs then you need to get out as fast as you can. Great advice from Faith M above. I've been surrounded by narcos all my life, my older brother, and I attracted two narc husbands! The second one was pure evil, he'd had more years to hone his skills. He raped me repeatedly whilst I was pregnant, he refused to take me to hospital when I was in advanced labour. For almost 2 hours I begged him to take me to hospital but he kept stalling, I was having regular contractions whilst he was playing online poker! I was about to call a taxi then he nonchalantly said 'ok lets go' and baby was born within half an hour of arriving at hospital. He's a black belt at judo and he did a stranglehold on me one night whilst in bed- he said he was dreaming, I'm not sure now that he was - he always used to say he was a trained killer, I think he did it to scare me. He used to joke about it to friends saying he could have killed me whilst sleeping! There's lots more, I could go on. I know I was trauma bonded and felt totally trapped in the relationship, I was desperately unhappy but I'd come to believe it was my fault. When I look back now I find it hard to believe that I put up with so much abuse. If you are unsure now please get out while you can. Other coaches, as well as Carter, that I've found really helpful on YT are Richard Grannon, Spartan Life Coach, and Ross Rosenberg. Plus worth checking out Dr Gabor Mate on trauma - as childhood trauma (CPTSD) is the foundation for the codependecy traits. Take care, wishing you peace and happiness - something you'll never find whilst living with a narc!

I found out in April 2018. Amazing that they all work almost exactly the same!

Couldn't agree more...anyone who says that is delusional at best.

Thanks, signed your ADHD friend.

Thanks, every video like this needs a good summation.

Yes, good for mee, but not for thee!

this. basically whenever they speak i doubt everything they say and have to tell myself it's all lies bc it is. the only way to be well again is to get away from them. they distort your reality to such malignant degrees. You can trust nothing about them except that you will be hurt relentlessly by them, and they DO NOT CARE

David, childishness is not the worst. There are childish adults who are pleasant, glad and enjoying life. What is worst is their inhumane side including all the terrible ingredients we already heard about.

Sometimes they are the worst ones.

Agree

With my NPD, you go at their pace, in their chosen manner ... or you don't go. There is simply no flexibility.

John Harrigan That’s tough for you

John Harrigan Yup, mine too - left her 2 weeks before Christmas ... Never felt BETTER!

@@immortalnow exactly the guy I was just dating I just found out he's a narc he has been rushing me since we started talking into moving in with him so we can be with each other every single day and we only been talking for a month I told him I'm not rushing into moving in with him and kept saying no to him seeing me at all he told me I'm moving too slow for him etc

That's a very accurate way of describing it. Dr. C

Developing sound spiritual values helps greatly. Dr. C

Bang on,thankyou!!without that they shit

Marie Gibbons thanks

same

I get that. The problem is it has become "trendy" to do armchair diagnosing of others on the internet. It is also just sometimes used as a cheap insult. So you can be flooded with alot of incorrect info out there. Better to limit to the experts.

Pray to be protected from them. They are reprobates and need to be taken to the seat of judgment for god's swift ajudication.

Spot on.

Agreed from experience.

I like what you said except for "forgive them". What does this even mean? Yes, I know what it means in pop armchair psychology but... Jesus said "if someone trespasses against you confront them, and *IF* they repent, forgive them." So since this cannot be the sort of forgiveness you're referring to, what are you referring to? Thanks

@@danielbartholomew1891No need to forgive them. Forgive yourself for letting them treat you like that. Forgive yourself for lacking the boundaries

Pleased that it resonated! Dr. C

Mr. Indie I’m starting to think that most female are how you describe your ex. Almost impossible to find females that are not conflict creators.

@@babblingidiot7903 look for videos/articles on what personalities attract narcissists and why it happens. It took me several years to heal from several sequential relationships with narcs. Hopefully, never again.

It also sounds like borderline personality disorder / narcissist personality disorder. These people hate peace.

That's just like my mom! My dad used to say "Your mother pulls a knife for nothing"... She did. Out of the blue, she started fighting over bullshit: coathangers, a table at a restaurant, clothing, food... You couldn't shut her up either. And you can't win a fight that is totally irrational. God she is weird.

I'm like a guy, I hate drama. Been alone for a long time and loving it. Peace and quiet is my life. Be alone if it makes you happy

Mhm "I don't understand why you're being so cruel I'm just trying to connect with you." When you hold them accountable for something shitty they do "You aways demonize every tiny mistake I make. I'm only human!"

Mine started with dismissal, then went to shame. If that didn't work then he'd go to anger. If even that didn't work, he'd apologize, but the apologies were always lies. Within a short period of time, he'd take them back and reverse to his original stance.

I respectfully disagree, unless my wife is not 'covert' like I'm as confident as I can be she is. She has more hate and anger in her than anyone should legally be allowed to have. On another note, she will say "I'm not perfect" when asked to name one mistake she's ever made or name one time she was wrong or exercised poor judgment, anything to do with something negative......crickets. It's absolutely amazing. And the re-writing history? UGH! she always waits, 6, 7, 8 months then comes back with an event or scenario and has it so blown out of proportion, so ridiculously slanted in her favor and I am the terrible monster who doesnt deserve to live. Also (i'm on a roll here, lol) She starts every conflict. EVERY one. But when the story gets re-told, it never starts at the beginning. It starts in the middle, like right when she's been at it for a while, pushing my buttons and I finally lose patience. Never any mention of all the bitching and dragging up the same inaccurate old crap i've been beat down 899,838,773 times before. In the span of about as many weeks as i can count on one hand she went from a wife ten times better than any wife i could have built in a lab, to the complete opposite. I had no idea people could be so....so.....fucked up. It's amazing, she's a full blooded Puerto Rican, born and raised in the south bronx, and, to date, I havent been cut once!

I get pure anger from my covert narcissist. Unending anger. Pure hate. I don't get it. Totally irrational. Talk about making mountains out of mole hills.

Covert narcs are tricky. They will use anger and even straight up physical abuse but only if no one else is around. They must maintain the facade.

Unless the narcissist drives you to the point where you lose your shit just to make YOU look like the unstable one

@@alexaonther0x Yes! People don't seem to understand, narcissistic abuse is a very traumatic experience and the abuse can last for YEARS because the dust rarely ever settles from the massive smear campaign the Narcissist can put into motion should you ever try to stand up for yourself or defend yourself out of self respect. Usually the Narc has the upper hand because of their charisma, charm & financial status. Once the Narc smears and drags your name through the mud for many years, it can be hard to ever bounce back, because sadly most people listen to money or will listen to what a rich man has to say in this world. That's one of the reasons why Jesus was crucified (He was a dirt poor carpenter who didn't have any beauty or money = Isaiah 53 written in 700 BC or Psalm 22)......but I've learned over the years the good news about Jesus can be found in Matt 5:17 and John 16:33 as he overcame evil (slander) when he rose from the dead (Psalm 110:1). The worst thing you can do is NOT follow the example of Jesus, chose not to turn the other cheek to narcissistic verbal abuse, try fighting fire with fire out of self respect, lose your cool once you are ostracized for YEARS from the smear campaign. The best thing you can do is give them to God, pray for them and move along in peace the best you can. Some people will finally decide to put all their thoughts in writing in a long winded email to prevent being interrupted by the Narc as a last ditch effort to reason with or give a deeper understanding to the Narcissist (who lacks empathy). There can be good reasons why people end up "making the most noise" in a long winded email ...The Narc will never allow you to speak your peace without constant interruption and leaving you with a feeling of sending them a very long winded email in a last ditch effort for "personal liberty" of making your voice heard without interruption causing you to lose your track of thought. However, narcissists are easily offended, which is why they constantly interrupt you, they have a vindictive spirit and don't fight fair. If they feel rejected or defeated, they will simply stab in the back. They don't fight face to face. They are too spineless. Narcs love to trip up their target whom they perceive to be a threat (basically anyone with self respect who is willing to push back against the narcissistic bully behavior). My advice, keeping your emotions in check and going grey rock is the best way to "push back" against a narc. Chose wisely to follow Jesus (grey rock or turn the other cheek). It's okay to let people think whatever the hell they want to think. They don't define you. Only God defines you. Forgive that person in your heart, extend them grace & mercy ....and go no contact if possible. Trust in God. Trust God is just. Move along in peace in Jesus name.

Take Back Your Link .... it was also the confrontation between the safe & comfortable ones and the troubled one. Most people are marketing victims and cant deal with the imperfections of life