"A man who is empty on the inside must decorate himself on the outside." Bruce Lee

The more I know people the more I like my dog.

#2. If they DO ask penetrating questions, it's only to get information to use against you later.

When you realise that charming guy is a narcissist, run don't walk.

I could add: Absolutely can not take criticism.

Never care how you are Never apologize Never blame themselves Never say sorry

Don’t marry one. It’s hell.

I've found that most narcissists are also bullies. Only THEM and THEIR world have value and importance.

Narcissist are always a hero or a victim, never a villain!!

1) Tend to be critical 2) Don't care much about your emotions/feelings (except to manipulate) 3) They hijack conversations 4) Lack true deep reflective thinking 5) They excuse all their mistakes (they don't take responsibility, no vulnerability). 6) They insist things go their way, follow their plan/agenda. Little flexibility except if forced to be flexible. 7) Conflicts become contests. Shame/blame/aggression/ toxic/ winner & loser, no teamwork 8) Exaggerate their positives, minimize their negatives. 9) Materialistic, impressed with external success and money and power. Plain/authentic is not appealing. 10) Closed minded and impatient, don't want to listen. Also, secretive, not revealing. Topical only. Shallow. Immature.

11. They contradict themselves regularly, often in the same sentence.

Don't forget, the narcissist has memory problems.."I don't recall saying that" or "That's not the way I remember that" ...

They tend to be extremely short tempered too. Superficially charming.

They like to kick you when you're down.

They never say "I'm sorry", nor have I heard "thank you".

Has anyone else seen the phenomena of narcissists who SWEAR it's the OTHER person who is the narcissist ? I've seen a lot of that. It's weird .

My god, the constant complaining is unbearable, especially when there is so much to be grateful for.

The narcissist in my life only loves what I do for him, not me the person. I am only as good as my last good deed. The ‘love’ is performance driven. The epitome of a narcissist is absolute selfishness. No matter what I (or others) are speaking about, the person *always* makes it about themself. Never fails.

I have ONE criterion for measuring whether I'm dealing with a narcissist or not. Do they make me question my own sanity? When you see a crazy-maker coming .. cross the street 🌹

I miss They never apologize, They never admit any responsibility for their actions, They never even acknowledge they had done something wrong or hurtful to others, on the list. Very important, IMHO.

11) They will NEVER agree to family counseling. All matters must stay private.

The biggest question I answer is 'can I be safe with this person'? A narcissist will use your vulnerabilities against you. They are so hurtful.

The only way to deal with these individuals is to go “no contact” and maintain it.

I was 19 when I first learned about narcissists. I did a test on a friend i used to go night clubbing with. She always hogged the spotlight and dominated conversations which I allowed (having grown up with a narcissist). For once, I started talking solely about myself for approx two minutes and I asked her a question in relation to myself. She glazed over, looked completely bored and shrugged her shoulders. One second later she said "so anyway.." and regained her animated expression going back to ramblings about herself and her endless stories. I smiled slyly to myself. She failed the test.

I would like to thank you for all you do. I am in a 35-year marriage and I had no idea why it's been miserable since day one. My daughter suggested I go on the internet and put in some of my husband's characteristics in the search bar. There you were! You have saved my life! Sounds dramatic, yes, but it's true. I will be out here watching every new video. I will also be at home not paying attention to his gaslighting anymore. You have no idea how much joy that brings me. There is light now in my life. Thank you again! You were sent to me by an internet guardian angel. 😁

"They have one favorite topic to talk about....themselves".

I would add: They cannot accept or understand the meaning of gratitude. They do not show real gratitude as they don't really accept it, cause they twist the meaning of it.

Growing up in a narcissistic household unfairly warps the person I could have been.

They also try to pull you back after you have separated yourself emotionally by making you feel sorry for them.

or it's always someone else's fault. They're the victims

They're super negative. The covert narcissist is worse, only those on the inside know. To everyone else, they're the poor victim who got stuck with you.

Be a mirror, not a sponge. These people will steal your soul if you genuinely engage.

This should be showed in premarital counseling before a couple gets married. I might have sailed away alone if I had seen this first.

A few additional things to look out for: The narc will have you running after them. They rarely meet you halfway. They may expect you to do all the travelling to meet them but won’t cross town to meet at your home or in your neighbourhood. They’ll have you do lots of favours for them, small and large, and will expect you to do them, and for a while you’re happy to help. Then you’ll realise after a few years that the narc will be very sparing when it comes to reciprocation, and may help you out begrudgingly, or continually be unavailable and “busy”, when you only very rarely need a hand with something. You may even feel awkward just asking them for help because you can tell that they’re not interested. They’ll switch to dominant vocal tones when you have an opinion that’s different to theirs as they tell you why you’re wrong, or make you feel small for making the suggestion. They ignore your discomfort, or may even have a strange look come over their face, an odd kind of smirk as though they’re enjoying seeing you uncomfortable. The word for that is “schadenfreude”. When they wrong you it will remain unspoken and it will often be when they have you isolated. They often ensure there are no witnesses, or alternatively they may do things in plain sight of others in ways that seem innocent but you know are mind games they’re playing with you. Trust your gut, trust your memory, trust your perception and ultimately, trust yourself when these things happen. It takes time to notice but there comes a point when you look back over several years and you realise they’ve established a pattern and there is no accountability. The measure that helped me realise I wasn’t imagining things or turning paranoid was that no other people close to me had done these things or played these games. They were the control point for comparison. Lastly, the narc refuses all accountability when those issues are raised. That’s the deal breaker and final red flag. When you attempt to raise any concerns about a few incidents they’ll minimise them and will gaslight you, to make you look like you’re over reacting. It’s time to get out of the relationship, whether a friendship, or dating. Please, please, please pay attention to red flags when dating. They’re always there, but we just don’t see them.

HOW ABOUT YOUR TALKING AND THEY JUST START TALKING WHILE YOUR STILL TALKING AND THEN WHEN YOU FINISH TALKING THEY SAY WELL GOTTA GO

They lack accountability and responsibility for there actions

You forgot "displays of rage for dubious reasons purely to keep you complicit through fear".

..and the narcissist will likely accuse you of narcissism if you don't submit

Sounds just like my mom. What I don’t get, is how you can compete with your own daughter. Not supporting or loving . I can’t imagine doing that to my kids.

You have to be careful facing one down, it can turn violent.

A Narcissist has no healthy relationships. He thinks he maintains relationships when he gets together with people to gossip about others or boast about their own achievements; there is no true interest in others.

"Primary ingredients of narcissism: High control, low empathy, need for superiority, attitude of entitlement, exploitive and manipulative way of dealing with people."

Exactly! They will shut down, never try to work things out because it causes them conflict and they ghost and gaslight you, abuse you and use you for their benefit. They are literally like toddlers emotionally and always will be. You can never have an emotionally mature relationship with someone like this. End it fast!

I got another sign I learned. They cry only out of self-pity, and care less what harsh thing they just did to get you so upset. They just want to illicite your compassion to take the spotlight off what they did to break your heart. Crocodile tears that quickly get replaced by self-righteous anger in moments once you apologize for them hurting YOU. :/

They dont delve into you emotions, or anything else about you, They dont care about the “ who” of what you are. Its one of the most hurtful realisations to understand the person you feel you love, doesnt care about who you are, and so it follows, they do not care about anything else under the umbrella that comprises the “you”. Heartbreaking.

Always either the hero or the victim.

Never got your back in any situation, will prefer to side with the others that are pecking on you.

8 years ago i was in a relationship with a narcissist. Iv been single since.

My dad my mom my aunt and sister. Smh i can't wait to cut them all off!!! Just imagine growing up with 4! Narcs killing all of my joy and sanity. I made it out im educated about them now and moving forward. God worked it all out for my good💓💓❤

I just found out that my son (39) and his girlfriend are both narcissists 😳!! Also, my ex-husband, who has now passed, was also one. All this time, I thought I was a horrible wife and mother (I’m 72). All my son says is you need to move on!!! It’s like getting a new pair of glasses 🥰!! Thank you so much for your videos....my life is going to change drastically😉!!!!

Wow.. they'll tell you how to do laundry.. how to cook ..why are you doing this this way ..why you doing it that way... Exactly

When they talk about their relationship with others, they blame the other party. It's wise to tell them how you would like to hear what the other party has to say about them. Study their physical reactions after telling them this in a straight forward manner. Test them outright.

"A relationship is only as healthy as is secrets allow it to be." Absolutely.

According to my ex, he was the only person right about anything. He was smarter than anyone

Great info..never again, not ever gonna snub another red flag..rather stay single than ever be with a narc again.

The one I dated would apologize by saying “Do I need to apologize? Have I done something to offend you?” It sounded so nice at the time, I would always end up saying, “no, it’s fine. I overreacted” (even if I didn’t overreact). He’d let me do this every single time, and he’d never just apologize. It was this game of asking me if I thought he SHOULD apologize...it was like he was giving me this false sense of control over the situation, but he knew I’d excise his behavior every time. On several occasions, I ended up apologizing to him (and I hadn’t even done anything wrong). It was really sick.

A Narcissist that claims he/she suffered at the hands of a Narcissist. The Rabbit Hole is very deep. Stay Sane.

A narcissist will never be a partner in a satisfying relationship. I’ve tried making a go of several relationships with narcissists, and they are exactly as Dr. Carter describes here. And they simply do not change or improve.

I went no-contact with one after over a decade of on-again-off-again friendship, and it’s been liberating.

They are never interested in anything you want to do. “Closed mined and impatient.” So true!

I am married to one of these and we just kinda coexist. It Never gets better.

"They excuse all their mistakes" Well said, Tim Apple.

You, and every one else in their life are merely players in their game, to be used and abused, or discarded as needed. They plan, manipulate and orchestrate every situation and scenario to their tune. Only when they’re out of your life do you look back and realise it was all a game.

I got rid of an extremely narcissistic "friend" two years ago. One of the last times I talked to this ding dong I was pouring my heart out about my sick mom's impending death. As I was in the middle of saying how soul crushing it was to see how fragile and tired she looked at just 80 lbs, he started looking through his phone, then pointed the screen towards me and asked if I had seen a particular photo of him at Pride Parade (yup, that just happened). My mom died the next day and, surprise, he couldn't even be bothered to give a sympathy card. Suffice it to say my world feels considerably lighter by the removal of this person. I love social pruning -- it allows new "buds" to grow :)

#2. Narcissist never never asks me how i feel about something, never asks what's bothering me, never reacts to my emotional state (like when he says something hurtful that might make me cry), never wants to discuss his or anyone else's feelings, unless he's mad, then all hell breaks loose.

Yes, that's how the narcissists operate. Only if they're "serious" about you - meaning they recognized you as an excellent source of whatever they need - they come as disguised as 'disguised' can get (also known as love bombing). Once that is taken care of the real show begins.... Thank you very much and best wishes!!

And i always thought that my husband was just a regular jerk..

Ask one "what is it that you really love about me?" Be ready for a superficial answer! Your pretty or hot..... nothing about your inner qualities will make the list.

They really hate losing an argument (their mere opinion on things) to the FACTS

I wish there were Attorneys who Specialize in protecting Spouses from Domestic Violence and Narcissist Psychopaths!

Be aware of "men bearing gifts"

Dude, majority of society now has some sort of narcissistic ways. It’s brought on now even more due to the internet. Nothing will change any of that. Happened to be in my divorce and man, I’m blessed to be out of her way. All the political leaders, celebrities, etc have full blown out narcissism.

One really big red flag, is someone who says the words, I'm bored, more than the average person would.

your videos are explaining 64 years of frustration and why I don't trust people

My grandson is married to one. He's hopelessly in love with her. I see him sinking lower every day. I pray for him daily to get out one day. Heck I figure she'll leave him first.

My advice.., you'll never win with any of them. Just stay away from them if you value your sanity. Had one as a neighbour for 12 long years. They do not change.

I really liked what you said about a narcissist taking responsibility as it exposes their vulnerability and they’re quite afraid of being vulnerable as it makes them lose their sense of superiority. Thank you for that insight.

You will never meet a more simple and shallow creature.

I wonder how many narcissists will watch this and point fingers at others.

Sending love to everyone here who has dealt with narcissists and is trying to heal... Forgive yourself... Accept your loss.. and move on stronger...

I can't stop being in awe of the accuracy of this guy's work. It's as if the narcis. in my life watches these vids and then ACTS them out! How can a mental illness be so accurately pin pointed and described? It's stunning to me. Finding this man's work has lead to answers of decades of questions regarding this one family member. Thank you Les Carter!

Here’s one, when you do say you had a good time with the gathered family members the Narcissist will find things negative about the people you just had a good time with, each one they scoped out during those gatherings, just to put down the ones you love!

Nothing was ever good enough for my mother. She lived in fear everyday. Her way was the only day. She emasculated her husband on a daily basis. No one could ever tell her anything. She would outwardly complain about many things. She had five kids but only one was up to her standards. She was an angry mess. Wouldn't want to be her. It was a miserable life for her.

When sad events happened in my life my ex narc would pat me on my back like a dog and tell me to go to bed.

Thank you. There are also narcissists who know how to hide their narcissism. However, it eventually shows up.

I battle with my own narcissistic tendencies, and as the years pass, and the loss of relationships hurt enough, the education is evident. You are very helpful Mr Carter.

Sounds like all of those people that rant and rave and demand on places like Twitter are indeed classic narcissists.

You can’t live with them. You can’t fight them. You can’t change them. You can’t manage them. You have to either disconnect and if you can’t for whatever reason (ex husband) you need to get on your knees and pray that they will find another supply. They are more cooperative when they are feeding off someone else. It’s not good to wish bad on others but as long as a narc is alive he needs supply, I just don’t want it to be me or my kids anymore 😟

I have a plan to leave next weekend. Absolutely had to make it covert because any mention of me having freedom sent the narcissist into a psychotic rage. Thankfully, it's going to be over soon

Narcissism is really something that no one needs or even should be around. Thank you for pointing out how to read the warning signs.

Help! My Narc is 10 for 10....wow what a mind blowing realization!

Such a kind _ intelligent _ courteous gentleman. ☑️😁

Gus the dog is a cutie!

I have MS..22 years now and one day I forgot I left the dishwasher door down and I fell over it and hurt myself while my narcissist 35 year old daughter just sat there and showed no emotion at all. However, her son (8) started to cry and helped me up. She denies this ever happened.

I believe highly intelligent narcissists can fake nuance and “I relate.” Just to shut someone up about themselves because they have heard it beforehand; so, “now it’s time to do something about it.” (So you don’t repeat your mistakes and heed his/her advice.) They are constantly advising people how to act and end up contradicting themselves because they don’t walk the walk; you should. It’s funny because I’m sitting here at the kitchen table listening to this with my father and he’s going oh it sounds like me! “Oh but I’m perfect, hahahaha.” “Nothing wrong with me. Hahahaha! Actually saying these things and he says them all the time like he’s joking and he’s not really feeling that way about himself when he actually does, he literally tells us this all the time. and the fact that he wasn’t picked out 20 years ago when he did go to therapy because all he did was complain about everybody else and how he was a victim and….doc all the psychotherapist did was feel sorry for him and try to make his life better bye controlling people around him, actually. He excused my physical abuse from him, blamed me for rape and going to the police because it didn’t look good for the family. Calls me a bitch tells my son that he’s worthless basically and that he’ll never amount to anything. Oh and if you don’t do this to make me happy you can leave. Move out

This guy nailed me to a T. That being said I realize it and try to work on myself because I know it isn't good for myself or the people around me nor my family. When you get the urge to say something think about it first.

Dr. Carter, you have a beautiful soul ! Thanks for caring.

I was married to one of these men for 35 years! Divorced now for 10 years. Happiest years of my life! He has moved to another state but comes to the children’s for holidays, and I see him there a couple times a year and all is civil. Throughout the divorce process I held him accountable for everything he tried to get away with. I am a narcissist worst nightmare.

Narcissus fell in love with himself - avoid people who fall in love with themselves - keep your distance or stay uninvolved - - you're only role is to be an admirer - if you're not involved they can't pretend - if no one is ever around it's a pretty lonely "affair" - imagine Madonna alone on a desert island

Gus proves dogs are the best people. Except for you, Dr. C. You’re one of those humans who always makes me feel comfortable & assured with your wisdom & kindness. Thank you.