The narcissist, smh. Nothing is their fault. EVER EVER EVER. They’ll wet the bed and blame the blanket.

They hate people who are authentic the most because they are so disloyal and dishonest

They'll pressure you into giving them RESPECT, no matter how AWFUL they are to you!

They come close, but can't break you completely. From the ashes you shall rise.

Narcissist are energy vampires.

It took me years to come to terms with the fact my closest family members enjoy hurting me and do anything to get some reactive abuse.

It took me a marriage of 45 years to get away from him finally. The divorce was brutal, he was out to make me pay for leaving him. The divorce was final two years ago and I finally feel like I am waking up, loving living alone, feeling safe, making new friends, and experiencing actual joy. I am incredibly grateful I had the courage to leave and stay gone.

Their entitlement is disgusting.

Thier #1 tactic is to ‘butter you up’ only to shortly thereafter throw you into their frying pan. It’s a CONSTANT predictable cycle…like a broken record in slow motion. They want you trained like a dog…exhausted-begging for its masters approval and forgiveness.

And when the narcissist who is out to break you is your own parent, magnify the pain of all these behaviors by a hundred.

I've found the best way is to totally ignore them. Show them they mean nothing. And to get help.

The narcissist in my life plays the role of Mr. Nice Guy by convincing people that he is generous, funny, and just a great friend. But, lurking j u s t below the surface, there is incredible RAGE. Nobody sees it. His public tactics are: always picking up the check, telling jokes, making kind suggestions, volunteering to help, etc. What a great guy! What people would never believe is how quickly he becomes violently angry, throws things, breaks stuff, and screams so loud it is terrifying to witness. He claims he "can't help it" but I notice he controls his rage quite well with other people. It's only with me that he switches into his other personality.

These people are just evil. They may have had childhood trauma. Maybe their families were highly dysfunctional. Many people who aren't narcissistic also have such backgrounds, and not only don't go through life trying to destroy people, but do the opposite. Narcissists get no sympathy from me.

My own husband of 25 years is trying to break me and punish me. We are getting divorced and he is making everything as difficult as he possibly can. He is 74 years old and has the mind of a spoiled adolescent. He has always been very selfish and self-centered but a few months ago he really let the devil in. No more covert. Now I think back and realize how much he lied to me and how much he played me through the years. I am praying to move out soon and never see him again.

They will continue to destroy you as long as you stay around. It is up to the target to go NO CONTACT. Narcissists are sadistic and will continue to abuse and toy with you as long as you allow it. It is up to the victim to remove themself from the abuse.

I was married to a narcissist for 32 years. I finally left.

It's like being in a war specially if someone lives with a narcissist. It can be exhausting. Always being awake and alert and not letting your guard down with a narcissist. They will use whatever means to an end. I am grateful for the education offered on the topic of narcissim and the strategies for surviving. No one can break you without your consent. Self pereservation.

Rolling eyes or the smirk after hurting you

I wish this guy was my father. This world fucking sucks . This guy is a legend, I’m sure his dog got more love and boundaries respected more than I ever did

They definitely try to break you. Brutal people

What I find so interesting about this topic is: Narcissisist ppl don't like you because of you being yourself, but they don't like the person you become after they have broken you either. Its like after they have won or achieved breaking you to get things the way they want them to be. The problem now becomes that they are not getting the feedback from you like it was in the beginning. Its a selfish and belittling relationship because after the soul snatching is done, the humilation begins. There's just no accepting you for you......and honestly no respect.

A spiteful psychogenic envy (profound, pointless and cruel).

Passive aggressive attacks are so destructive because it's hard to understand what's happening until the damage is done.

Amen! What's insane is their inability to recognize their behaviors. Hang in there, Team Healthy!

always personal verbal attacks are the hardest to deal with, all the weak points they find and beat you down with those weaknesses.

The funny thing about narcissists is that they will spend ages accusing their victims of all sorts of horrible things, but then object when the victim leaves and goes no contact.

One of the things I’ve noticed when dealing with these types of people is that they have conversations with you where whatever your opinion is, they take the opposite stance. Even if you remember them having a different stance earlier all of a sudden that’s changed and now you’re arguing with them totally disagreeing with you. Next thing you know, you can’t say anything right and you’re arguing for no good reason at all other than to amuse them. It’s very easy to find yourself in this position and unconsciously waste your energy, trying to change their mind or be right about something in their eyes. Just be on the lookout for the situations and don’t feed into their bullshit

They like to have the ups on you and they hate to apologize,they try to look for week people if they know you strong they don't want you.,they hate when you seem happy or got it together,they even size you up like they want to be you,they scary.

NPD parental alienation is the break that keeps on breaking. When they're breaking your child,alienated from you, just to keep on breaking you. I pray daily for every alienated child/ adult child and alienated parent. 🙏

At some point when a person gives up their selfhood and just goes blank, obeying and reacting, that is a broken spirit. It's when a person is no longer sovereign in themselves.

I have spent most of my adult life, and I'm 68 years old, dealing with these people. Thank you, Dr. Carter, for speaking the truth.

And when and if they do break you...that is your fault too!!!

Nobody would want to read the book of my life. 20 years of bickering on an almost daily basis over nothing. Being distrusted, ridiculed, demeaned, isolated. I'm retired and I have to take anti anxiety medication on weekends when she's home. And every morning I hear the same laments over and over about how she should have left me 20 years ago. I'm about ready to leave. I'll lose a lot but I can't do this any more.

Hey Dad look this dude is doing a special on you!!

I was "raised"(RAZED) by one. 😔 I'm 60 & still not through grieving for all it cost me... Thanks tho, Dr.C. you're my hero.

Today I’m broken. The narcissist has ramped up his disdain toward me. I have successfully evaded his attempts to engage in an argument, however it has left me feeling drained. Thank you so much for the supportive messages you share with us Dr C.

My mom is a narc. She did exactly that to my kids. She made herself #1 in their lives using pity. And I am the bad guy because I am not dumb enough to fall for her tricks. If you don't give my mom her way.... You will pay. And I am paying dearly 😢

To break another person that's fu.......ked up and sick

So accurate! Drives them crazy when you genuinely don’t care about them or what they think/do anymore. 😁

The narcissists in my life once described someone else as an 'emotional vampire'. Unfortunately, I didn't understand projection the way I do now.

My oldest sister called my daughter and tried to turn her against me. She told my daughter that she had to choose between the rest of the family and me. My daughter is a clinical social worker and was able to handle that situation without getting pulled into my sister's cruelty. This is the first time in my life that my sister has not been able to isolate me in my own family. I felt safe in my relationship with my daughter that she won't get pulled into the abandonment and abuse of me. I don't have to be afraid of losing my daughter to my sister's cruelty. My own mother, all my sisters have at times refused to acknowledge my presence because they allowed themselves to be pulled into my sister's abuse and cruelty. All of my life. For the first time in my life I feel safe in a relationship with someone that I love and I know that loves me.

Nailed it. They keep you off balance. Exactly!

The trauma & stress my ex caused me, gave me breast cancer. I believe it 💯. I literally felt my body getting sick. This is serious business. This guy gives you tactics on how to deal with them. Gus examples are minuscule. Forget playing games with these people. They will destroy you. Just get the hell out. Run fast and far. Save yourself as quickly as you can. He’s suggesting conversations. They are incapable of proper communication. They will continue to take you down. Leave. Just leave

I can hear Dr Les Carter's voice in the back of my head every time the narcissistic president of the HOA invites me for coffee. NO ! Don't Go ! It's a ploy to reel you in! And I ignore the invitation.

I broke free! It was excruciating, but I'm free thanks to Les and Dr. Ramini... and God. Time to heal now. ✨️

Just went no contact with my mother. Blocked her on phone and email. I can't take the pain of her ugliness, criticism, judgement of me, my adult children, my sister and her family. It's just too much. Yes, she tried to break me, but she has not succeeded. I am a person of love, peace and joy and will surround myself only with people who treat me with respect and love.

Amazing that they garner so much power -- and use it in toxic ways. This must be pure evil at work.

Like the givers & takers advice (If you are a giver, know your limits, because takers have none), a narcissist seems to have no limits in diabolical tactics to use against us. They will do and say things so unthinkable, that their target simply cannot believe it is really happening. That can break a person. Which is what a narcissist wants.

I don't participate in their world anymore. Been trying to heal for 4 years and 6 months now. I will not let any Narcissist break me ever again. Thank you Dr. Carter. 😊

Being a person of peace in the face of their cruelty and brutality is what it's all about. Decency over the indecent and disrespectful.

I sit here reflecting on the undeniable fact that my mom has spent the entirety of my life trying to break my spirit, trying to break my dad's spirit, trying to beat or break everyone she doesn't like. The heartbreak of dating women who remind me of her pales in comparison to this wound. There is truly a malevolence there that isn't attributed to the axiom of "hurt people, hurt people." Anyone who has to deal with a narcissist under most circumstances will be abused or degraded by them, regardless of healthy defenses or boundaries. I've found the only salvation from this abysmal personality type is mental oblivion. Treat them like Melkor and evict them to the Outer Darkness, let them have themself as company for all eternity. I've never seen any evidence that love, patience, inclusion or general concern softens their demeanor. They are thoroughly miserable people who appear to become more-so and even more derranged as they age.

My husband actually said, "I am going to break you." Its my life mission

I dated a man for 2 months who I swear was a narcissist (felt like decades). The first 3 weeks he spoiled me and said I was perfection. I felt so lucky to have found such a wonderful person. Then he spent the second month trying to prove how imperfect I was because he felt he was no longer in the "honeymoon phase" with me. To the point he would go through my purse, tell me I have a drinking problem, I was a liar, and did not let me spend time with my friends or like that I spent time with my kids. I had to leave. I felt I was losing my mind, and at times I still feel I have PTSD and don't trust my judgement.

The exact words from the covert, malignant, sociopathic narcissist that I know when he was in a rage once were "My goal is to tear you down!" I couldn't believe my ears and eyes, but he said exactly that! They are the ones who are repugnant.

And when they're the sneaky covert type, you'll find all this out while people gaslight you about how wonderful they are. Unplug and walk. Don't explain, don't second-guess yourself, don't stay stuck in a cycle that will only spiral downward. Your life is worth so much more than that torture. Leave quietly with your dignity and hope.

When they figure out & pretest all your triggers it becomes a relentless game of sensory overload. Just by calling your name over & over...

They feel justified in going behind your back to try to overrule your choices and decisions because they have to "save a family member from your incompetence" BUT they are unwilling to take over the responsibility for making the decisions in the first place OR do the self-education necessary to make good decisions on the family members behalf. Power without responsibility or effort seems to be the goal.

The biggest challenge when dealing with a narcissist over an extended period of time is not going down to their level. After it's all over, I'm left with resentment towards the narc and anger directed at myself for ''allowing'' a lot of it to happen and not maintaining the higher ground, so to speak. Forgiving yourself ain't easy.

That's why I'm saving to move out don't care where it's at as long as it's away from him even if I have to leave in the middle of the night.

I’m 59 and just recently broke free from my mother. My 3 adult kids saw thru her early so despite her efforts they have no use for her. Of course she thinks I’ve turned them against her but I didn’t have to say a word lol. I’m so proud of Gen Z, they don’t fail for family shit 👏🏻👏🏻😂

I am tired of having to accommodate the narcissist's attitutde and behavior. I am me, I like me!

A Narcs life is one of being jealous & dissatisfied.. They want everyone to fell unhappier than them.. Keep smiling, keep it real, be unconcerned.. Be happy.

I went to a Chiropractor who belittled me so much that I left crying. He berated me with unsolicited advice. I went because he was referred. They told me he was a Christian and they'd had great results. I kept putting off calling but finally went. As soon as I sat down, he started the assault. He didn't examine me or look at the statements of my condition or my films but began reciting his qualifications and how he know so much and was better than most. He told me my hair was dry, skin was dry and nails brittle and none of that is true. He said that I could gain 2-4 lbs just driving by Goodberry's, that I had Hypothyroidism, that I would die soon, that I looked old, my doctors had failed me but he could help me but it would cost 3-5k to get me started. He explained the word "tandem" like I didn't know. He kept telling crude jokes. He asked which fingers burned. I told him my thumb, index and middle. He said that was C7 and when I flipped someone off, I could blame that on the C7 and he kept giving me the finger because I didn't seem to get the joke. He told me that I had a ancient Chinese disease called, "Dragon Ass" like I was dragging my butt and lazy. He told me that I would end up being 600lbs. He asked about my education and what type work didI do. When I said Statistics for USDA, he regrouped and targeted me another way. He asked about my menstrual cycle and if I still had one. If my breast were lumpy or dense. I'm a size 12-16 depending on the designer. I have gained weight due to Prednisone, Steroids and pain meds but I'm not morbidly obese. The more he spoke negatively over me, the more joy he seemed to get. He threw a huge gown at me and told me to take my shirt and bra off and wait for his assistant to do a thermal scan.I cried when he walked out to help another patient. I kept thinking what did I do. I looked him in the eyes searching for the reason for such contempt. He had a crucifix charm with Jesus on it. I focused on it to get me through. His office manager came in to check on me and I just wept. She gave me a comforting hug that felt like God using her. I left the office so confused that I didn't know directionally how to drive or to get home. I was in another city and had used my GPS but I couldn't figure out how to use it to get home. I heard a voice say, this is what people see when they look at you. You have chronic Neuropathy and will not get well. You might as well drive your car into the guard rail and kill yourself. It was at that time that God took over. I began to see road signs and mile markers that lead me home. I didn't come that way and was literally lost and didn't see anything remotely familiar to what I had traveled before but God gave His Angels charge over me. When I got home, I sat in the car in the dark garage and continued to cry and ask why? I've had nightmares every since about having skin that looked dehydrated and parched like I was in the desert and breast cancer. I thought maybe he didn't like Blacks but the patient before was a Black male. Maybe he did like my insurance but he accepts Aetna. Maybe he had a bad day or was overwhelmed but he'd seemed pleasant when he took me to the examination room. I have racked my brain trying to figure out what I did. I asked my friend who referred me, did he ask her similar questions and she said no and no one else that she's referred said he did. I asked her if I was repugnant and she said Rhonda you are beautiful, you ooze gentleness, love and kindness. Your skin is beautiful and your hair and nails aren't dry and brittle. I thought there must be something that he felt to cause a 30 minute rant. The office manager who checked on me, was so upset that she left the job after I did and went home.

This is rough territory! I am so glad this topic is being addressed.

I am becoming less naive. Im a people pleaser and I have gone to self destructive lengths before. At work, with friends, both genuine and not, and partners. I will not play any games anymore when I see them. And wow, theyre everywhere

I was in a relationship for 7 years and for the life of me now, I cannot imagine why I put up with all of this for so long. I must have thought that if I wanted a relationship, I would have to be understanding of everything. Not true. some things are just plain wrong.

because i tried to defend myself, because i unwisely had children with a narcissist, i tend to be really hard on myself for how i responded to her through the years; i do feel broken by her. i feel so ashamed for what i was becoming in constantly trying to defensively respond to her never-ending criticisms. man, these tactics totally describe her. she used to lament, "it's such a burden always being right!" i kid you not... thats exactly what shed say. our poor kiddos. despite the way she so cleverly smeared me, they are the ones who have really suffered.

They are quite adept @ going for the jugular. Devaluing my family, our children...always produced the deepest wounds, and the Narc would revel in that. My daughter commented the other day, 'He heaped this emotional abuse on you~and you still got up every day, doing the Mom thing and all that entails? How did you do that?' Answer: I really have no idea. Still working through the pain, but finding myself again.💜

tactic: the use of *"SSDD"* {aka: same $hi+ different day}. relentless at criticism, put downs, name calling, condescension, threats, you name it. seems like the more "they" say these things to you, the more *they believe them* (to be true about you). that, or it is pure *projecting.*

Dr.C said: healthy person wants that his presence in other person's life to be an uplifting experience. Wow! What a simple but powerful thought❤

Once my Dad died, my narc sister was 'free' to openly show her hatred towards me. We used to go antiquing and thrifting when Dad was still alive. A couple of years after he died I invited her to go. Always had some excuse yet she would future fake all kinds of fun outings we could take. That kept me on the hook. When I tried to finalize plans, she always postponed but never set a date. I repeatedly asked if if she just never wanted to interact with me again, and I got more future faking. Finally, I tried again to invite her out and she angrily said "You can't MAKE me do something I don't want to do!" Yet she had been future faking these trips for months. Then she went on to say how much I was NOT a priority and if she could think of any other possible activity or task to do, she would choose it over me. I was completely flabbergasted. I have gone no contact.

Is this why I suffer from severe anxiety????

I live in a double duty, keep alert situation. First, my brother is a narcissist that my husband and I had to take in when his wife died. My husband is adult add/adhd. And to make things worse, I'm a chronic pain patient who has to work all the time to keep my emotions up so I can run the household and try to keep things clean. Lastly, my support system, my best friend, passed away. All of you, please pray for me.

I’ve been coming to terms with the realization I grew up in a very narcissistic family. I moved away for my profession at an early age. And, no, they didn’t like it. In fact, it was the first time my Dad disowned me. I was fortunate enough to land a job at an amazing place in NYC right out of school. I was excited and optimistic about my future. Turned out, in NY you need a co-signer to rent in the tri-state area. When I finally found an apartment, I asked Dad if he would be my co-signer. He not only refused, he said if I live in NY, he would disown me. Fortunately, my new place of employment co-signed for my apartment. For decades I made excuses for my family, only to be treated with disdain. I told myself ‘they’ll come around’, only to come to the harsh reality they did not. My best advice to anyone suffering under the control of a narcissist - when you see them as who they are, believe it. Trust yourself. BELIEVE WHAT THEY SHOW YOU in their actions… NOT WHAT THEY SAY. You will be stronger for it in the end.❤

It's so sad that there are people like this out there. If only they could just be like Gus...

They will be their own worst enemies.

Working through 44 years of living with a narcissist after leaving five years ago. I’m working with a therapist and I’m gaining ground. It’s a slow process, but I’m determined to get healthy. I could tick the boxes of every single one of these things. At age 68, I’m learning to feel good enough. Thank you for this video.

It is so hard to comprehend that someone you love and trust would actually seek to destroy you.....but that is the reality...that is the nature of the beast. With your checklist of tactics, I recognise all of them. Thanks Dr C, another great video. 🤗⚘🐶

Exactly, that's the narc's end goal...to destroy their target. It evil verses good. Ephesians 6:12-13

One Narcissist told me: "I'm gonna break you". Well guess what? They couldn't do it. I suffered some damage, but they could not destroy my essence, my inner happiness or my soul. And many years after that happened, I saw your videos which clarified my journey. I have to be strong to withstand their evil tactics.

Right now I don't allow people getting too close. I do enjoy little chats when I'm out and about, sometimes with strangers, sometimes with people I sort of know, or little chats when I'm gardening, but for the rest: NO. No more. I still am a magnet for all the wrong people, and I need to stay safe and sane. It is always so disappointing when I find out, oh no, this person is another one of "those", I'm super alert now, thanks to personal experience and years of learning about Narcissists on KZfaq. Thank you, Dr Carter, I think fury friends are the best. Big hug to Gus!

They have a win or lose mindset - whether it be love, job, family ect … they hate people that are indifferent to them. Their very jealous of friends, family, kids, grandkids ect … stick to your boundaries, return the favor & show no interest in them, keep your truth. We all relapse but get back on the horse asap & stay on point & stay healthy !

I have never experienced such cruelty as I did in the relationship I HAD with him. All the points in this video are what he did. It's shocking but also very validating. The mind fuckery and psychological impact his behaviour had almost broke me - I ended before I actually broke. Saving grace.

She definitely broke me. She took everything from me and made me hate the things I used to love.

Thank you Dr. C. I needed to hear this today. Some days I feel really strong and other days I feel really sad. Thank you for being there.

The scariest thing, this personality can come in any size, age, shape, or gender. They understand no boundaries, and believe their reactive thoughts are genuine, because they believe them. Once that perspective is locked in, you could be anything but they will decide what you are. And how they can either use, enable, or manipulate you for whatever they need. Your feelings, your value, and who you are. Are now legislated in their mind by their imagination of you.

Don't be afraid of but don't have anything to do with them. Hurting other people is a deadly sin and in the end their bitterness will prove to be their own destruction.

I have been using the gray rock technique and now I have a huge quarry. Thank you Dr. Carter

I'm at the point that I don't care for the narcissist I'm living with, REALLY! He pushed me to the point that if he fell over dead, I'd just do; great now I have to call the morg guys! Believe me if I HAD the funds I'd be gone a long time ago. I've recently got on retirement, that was my "step 1". I do have plans to leave, just have to do so when my funds allow me too. I don't like/not happy with myself for the "I don't care" attitude I have with this narcissist, but I've been down this road yrs ago when my first husband beat on me. I'm working on myself, so just keep me in your prayers. Thank you.

A tactic I've noticed used universally by online trolls is they make an insinuation, they imply something. Then, when someone responds saying out loud what the troll was implying, the troll will attack the responder saying something like, "Show me where I said that! I never said that!" BECAUSE technically they did not say it in those exact words, you see? But they implied it. From there they'll just argue away at this technical point and by so doing, they're deflecting away from whatever was the main topic of the argument to begin with.

You described my late husband to such detail, that I was waiting for you to say his name!!! He alienated my kids totally, and worked on my siblings - just planting lies to make me look horrible. He wanted me to be miserable and I feel alone in the world, but maybe it's safer that way.

After 65 years sitting with my mom I fully realized she didn't want to just break me. She wanted to erase me from the face of the earth and certainly would if she could. I knew my dad felt that way but it shocked me to the core that my mom felt the same way. I get it now why things with her were so very difficult. I will never go back or try again. Thank you for setting me free. You are a lifesaver.

No one breaks me. Blocked and locked. Not lacking. And it can be family and so call friends

I’m old disabled and in pain. Husband and son are both narcs. Awful. I have to think of myself now.

What a sad existence. My family is just like this and I worked hard to become who I am (the complete opposite of these demons). I don't get angry anymore, I just feel sorry for them. What a terrible way to go through life, always angry. Much love and peace to all of us survivors. I am grateful everyday because I am not like them, you should feel that too ❤️❤️❤️

I've encountered many narcs. From ex boyfriends, a husband, my ex stepfather to whom I no longer have contact. To.. My brother an his family who discarded me and my boys. Some friends come and go and some I've had for many years. I'm starting to feel broken again as the relationship with my lads and them with each other is trying to say the least. Sometimes I feel as though I'm hanging on by my fingertips. The good news is that I have this knowledge and Team Healthy. I've reinforced boundaries. They do have narcissistic traits and I'm doing my best. That's all I can do. I'm so grateful for all the support 🙏 💛

As the video was going, I took notes. I've been in the habit of doing so under a lot of videos about narcissism. It's mind blowing to see how much comes out of you. It's like purging and it's validating that yes, you did live through that. No , you did not imagine or dream it. You're not crazy.

My brother in law deals with this all the time. When he was building his dream house for my sister, he asked her one day to hold the tape measure so he could take an accurate measurement of the floor. She REFUSED to do it. I had to walk away, because it killed me to always see her manipulating him because of his ignorance about narcissist. He built the house, agreed to adopt a child, and basically lost his identity over the years. The day I walked in one morning and saw a letter of apology on the kitchen counter basically saying how sorry he was for treating his wife and kid so badly, was the hardest thing for me to see. I knew right then, that she had beaten him down completely. I pray that one day he will wake up and learn to regain his identity and self worth.

They systematically attack where it will hurt you the most.

I hate that I have some of those tendencies. And I hate that I’ve lived with someone who had those tendencies. But mostly, I hate that I’ve behaved in some of those ways.