This video makes me realize that you are your own therapist. You are your own support system. You are your own friends.

This woman is so gentle she even has trouble imitating a harsh voice.

Realizing I was confusing “Pushing myself” from “Punishing myself.” I teared up when I thought about my day and how many times I punished myself for being overweight, not doing the dishes, not cooking the chicken, watching tv all day, and eventually making my self feel bad for feeling bad. No wonder I was having so much anger and depression lately, and I realize something needs to change because what I’m currently doing is not just hurting myself, but my soul and who I’m meant to be.

I used to feel proud of myself because of my good grades, when I lost it i crumbled, my sense of self worth was GONE. In glad I came across this video. Everyone talks about raising self esteem but self compassion is so much more important.

I really thought I have gone crazy. I thought I was starting to hear whispers in my head. Thank God for the comments section. XD

“Comparison is an act of violence against the self” - Iyanla Vanzant

Her voice is so beautiful and kind and I can see her love of her work in her eyes.

The way Kristen says 'Okay' is like a warm hug for the mind

changed my life in 19 minutes. going to watch this whenever i forget myself.

self-compassion and self-acceptance are two of the most important things in life you can do for yourself.

This woman has saved my life. Two years fighting with insomnia just to figure out compassion as a whole concept. I embrace myself now more than ever. And feel beyond grateful!

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.” - Carl Rogers

This should be a class in our school system. It would change the way we live with ourselves and with our neighbor.

Took some notes. If I got any of the time stamps wrong let me know and I'll fix them. This is such a great talk, not just about the #empowerment of self-compassion but in every single way that this skill affects our lives: 2:35 "For many years psychologists really saw self-esteem as the ultimate marker for mental health and there's a reason for that..." 3:08 American Culture: High self-esteem = special, above average. (Logical impossibility). 4:02 #narcissism levels in college undergrads is the highest ever recorded 4:31 #bullying 4:49 #prejudice 5:09 #success 5:38 #women #supermodels 5:57 ♀ feelings of attractiveness diverges from ♂ in about 3rd grade 6:30 solution = self-compassion ("embracing ourselves as we are flaws an all) and has 3 core components 6:58 1. #Self-Kindness 7:45 2. Common Humanity (shared human experience - where we connect 8:56 3. #Mindfulness (includes ability to recognize our own suffering) 9:56 #motivation 10:18 #cortisol #adrenaline (fight or flight response) triggered by self-criticism so both attacker and attacked body's response is to shut down 11:24 #depression 11:33 #safe-place #care-giving #Oxycontin #opiates (feel good hormones) #evolution (mammals) respond to warmth, gentle touch and soft vocalizations 12:14 #parenting (how to best motivate our #children) - there are two ways; one has long-term negative consequences 13:52 #research strongly supports #compassion 12:42 self compassion offers the benefits of self-esteem (strong mental health, stable sense of self worth) without the pitfalls (#narcissism, social comparison, ego-defensive aggression 15:13 Self-compassion steps in just when self-esteem deserts you 15:30 #autism #autistic kids #challenge faced by Kristin and she found grace under pressure through self-compassion (example given) 18:00 Self-compassion is *not* self-indulgent or selfish because "...the more we are able to keep our hearts open to ourselves, the more we have available to give others..." 18:14 You know how to be a good friend and comfort someone. I invite you to be a good friend to yourself. It's easier than you think and it really could change your life.

I am 35, over-weight, not good looking - unable to find anyone who would marry me, have a PhD but cannot find a job..not even a low-paying menial job. Its been 1 year since I have been unemployed...its eating into me now. I am overwhelmed and I am just trying to stay strong and sane. Thanks for the video.

Almost ended in tears listening to this. What she said here was like reading a receipt on my entire existence.

My parents unconsciously took the critical approach, because it was how they were raised. The problem with it is not only that our brains don't get motivated this way, but also that people often don't bother to explain how to achieve things. It is easy to say "You should know Math better! Why can't you just bring good grades?!" or smth, but it is hard to explain to child how to learn more effective, study equations and so on. It requires efforts, time, knowledge and patience from parents.

"Luckily, we aren't just reptiles" *audience claps silently*

I absolutely love minute 17:30: Putting her hands over her heart, she said, "This is so hard right now, darling. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I'm here for you." I have copied that out to keep at work, thank you.

13:31 * *cries in asian* * ...okay jokes aside, this was one of the most relatable ted talks I have ever heard. My parents have always harshly criticized me for studies and ngl it actually worked my grades went high. So I started self criticizing myself too in order to motivate myself since my parents don't criticize me anymore. So I extreme low self compassion, low confidence, anxiety, sometimes self harm, suppress and ignore my feelings a lot, etc etc. But I am doing my best to get out of this years long rut and I will definitely be successful.

I have never heard of a voice more kinder and compassionate as Kristin Neff. I could listen to this talk over and over. Thank you!!

Kristin Neff is the bomb. I've had her book for years and I'm still alive and well because of this woman. Heed her words - self-esteem is for suckers. Get into self-compassion and free yourself.

This makes me think back to sobbing while home alone at 16 staring at myself in the mirror and genuinely asking "Why are you so mean to me?" It can be so hard to be nice to yourself when self-criticism becomes the norm 99.9% of the time.

I'm here because of my therapist ❤

we need more people like her in the world!

"Self compassion is a way of relating to ourselves kindly, embracing ourselves as we are:flaws and all". Love it

Amazing research and beautifully explained. The world is a better place because of the likes of Kristin Neff, Brené Brown, Liz Gilbert, Prince Ea, etc.

If most people in the world thought like this woman, it would be a much, much better place.

I recently self-harmed, and I knew I had to tell somebody, so I told my guidance counselor, and she told my dad. He was so supportive and kind about it, and didn't press too hard, but he gave me a book and told me about this video because I do have the toxic thoughts that I'm not good enough. I hope so badly this helps

30+ years of AA, which I recommend HIGHLY, but I attended a recovering Dharma meditation and Kristin Neff was brought up...and now I EMBRACE this practice...it makes sense and combats the GUILT I lived with and shame...in a very short time I personally have felt a TREMENDOUS RELIEF. Thank you. I anticipate a revolution towards this as it is so POWERFUL.

She makes an awful lot of sense. If you cannot be kind to yourself, compassionate, how can you ever expect to be to others, really? Really glad I found this.

Just Being Grateful to be yourself as being YOURSELF is the first baby steps to self compassion and self worth.

I love how she talks! It's reassuring. It's almost maternal, I feel safe :) I don't feel it insults my intelligence...

Excellent message! As a parent, I think I'm going to focus more on teaching self compassion than self esteem.

This is what ive done with myself beginning as a teenager. It truly does have a profoud effect on your inner strength to get through tough times and come out resilient in a positive direction. I always remember to be kind to myself because i know that turning against myself is the worst thing i could ever to do, that it only ensures failure and hopelessness. I love my inner being, and it allows me to be far more compassionate to others.❤

This is such a great talk. I almost cried when she mentioned little girls’ self esteem taking a nose dive after 3rd grade. It’s so true and becomes a fixation for so much of us going forward.

I really needed to watch this today. Thank you Kristin Neff.

Great talk! Really something that is important. I have spent last 10 years on self-improvement and books alike that were making me feel bad about myself (or I have felt like this and they made it worse). And what I needed was psychotherapy and self-compassion. Life is so different now. Thank you Kristin.

This is so crucial. Learn to give yourself compassion. . . and you will be able to give it and get it from others.

Thank you so much. I needed to hear this as a fellow mom who has been through the autism diagnosis, grief, shame, etc. He has actually taught me a lot of self compassion. To let go of judgement in order to live him as he is.

I love practicing gentleness with my self.

Her self compassion excercises and meditations has helped me sooo much. I have high emotional stability and high self compassion levels now. 💛

Kristin's voice is special. It comforts me as she talks as if I have been the child she talks about.

She says ‘okay’ like Mr. Mackey from South Park 😂 love it and comforted 🥰

This cleared a lot of old fears for me. I realize the most important thing that I have never given myself or others at times is compassion. Thank you so much I love this video!

Wow, I have been waiting to hear this for 46 years. i need to replay it every day. thank you!

I can't give enough praise to this video! Imagine what kind of world we'd have if everyone knew and internalized what's in this video.

such a great distinction between self-esteem and self-compassion. one leads to toxic competition and the other leads to warm community.

self esteem could be built on comparison, which means conditional love, when you fail you are not lovable in your own mind 1. be kind to your self, accepting and kind, don't use harsh language, treat urself like how u will treat ur friend 2. commonality: no one is perfect, what your experiencing is a problem with many people 3. be mindful, notice we are suffering in order to give ur self compassion myth: 1. if u are too kind to yourself, you will be self-indulgent and lazy, we need self criticism to motivate ourselves, it is false, when we criticize, we enter into fight or flight mode, causing depression, we will actually feel better with warmth, touch and soft vocalizations(what can I do to help, hug hug, how can I support you)

This was so what I needed to hear right now. Thank you. I have the same airplane story with my autistic son when he was 2 years old and before he was diagnosed. It was traumatizing. At 52 years of age, I wish I’d heard this talk sooner.

Thank you. This is currently hugely helping me cope with a very tough (and unavoidable) period of my life...

The critical voice in our heads comes from our immediate caregivers. We internalize the critical parent when we are very young... just because you have kids doesn't mean you're a good parent.

Oh dear I do appreciate your talk / teaching. I pray I can imbrace these truths and work toward healing

WoW this just WoW. Eyeopening!!! The comparasing between self-compassion and self-asteem made so much sence. Thank you so much 🙏

Best ted talks related to my life.found the answer I have been searching for years. Thank you verymuch.

Steps to self-compassion summarised: 1. Self kindness: Kindness over harsh self judgement. Treat ourselves like you would treat a good friend. 2. Common humanity: how am I the same as others? To be human means to be imperfect. It’s what connects us all. 3. Mindfulness: being with what is in the present moment. Accept we are suffering to give ourselves compassion. Self criticism undermines our motivation.

One of the best TED talks I've seen.

I agree with projectimpactg that this should be taught in all our schools. Self-compassion is so powerful... Toward the end of her speech I thought of how they tell you to put on your own mask in a plane before assisting your child: a perfect metaphor for what she did!

I am an avid follower of tedx talks and every month I think aaaah...i have come across the best tedx talk....but every time I am proved wrong...after watching this talk I must confess it happened again....the best talk according to me at the present moment as i type this in....

Returning to this video to reinforce what I’ve been learning about self-compassion, I’ve set the speed to 1.5; BEST thing I’ve ever done to listen to Kristin Neff

Fantastic information. Mindfulness and compassion should be taught in school. Sadly, conventional education seems more concerned with indoctrination than actually encouraging critical thinking or creativity. Self compassion is actually bad for our current economic model, which is based on consumption. When people feel good about who they are, they don't buy things unnecessarily.

I love this! I watch this over and over and every time I learn something new! Thank you so much for your research

Thank you Kristen for enlightening us about self-kindess, common humanity, and mindfulness!

"Self-esteem" as Nathaniel Branden, the foremost developer of the idea of self-esteem, puts it eloquently in his book, "Six Pillars of Self-Esteem", certainly includes what this speaker tries to include it as "self-compassion". Self-esteem, is not tantamount to narcissism or feeling superior to others, it's about treating oneself with the same kindness we're likely to treat our loved ones, kids around us, our pets, etc. In a way that our mistakes would be forgiven by the self and not harshly exposed, pointed out to later we can torture ourselves. It's about accepting the reality of the self and other s and putting effort in those areas over which we do have some control. Self-esteem, includes self-compassion according to Dr. Branden.

A lot to think about here. I think we will see a shift in educational content to focus on mindfulness, creativity and innovation in the next 5 years. Looking forward to being a part of this movement and really enjoyed this TEDx! Well done.

Thank you Kristin Neff. This is a beautiful message. It's wonderful you're helping more people learn this.

being gentle and kind to myself is what im doing from now. and that is not selfish of me.

Reading her book and just watching this to further instill this practice. Emotional well-being here I come!

This is an amazing Ted Talk. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

That was seriously the best talk I've ever heard from TED Talks, really changed my perspective on self esteem and self compassion! Thank you Kristin!

I had some tough times and self compassion helped me to accept reality which is really the very hard to swallow pill. I feel so relatable to this, thank you.

I have suffered depression most of my life, and have not been enjoying this human experience. I feel like I'm just mad so good to find you

pov: your therapist sent you here

Simple. Exacting. Thorough.

There is a lot of power in compassion. Give it to yourself and others. I love what she said about showing compassion to kids concerning their grades. Kids need more compassion from the adults in their lives instead of so much criticism - more self-love.

Thank you for the vid. Peace love compassion truth and gentleness always and everywhere. God bless

This is so important and I'm so grateful to be here...

Thank you Dr.Neff 🌹, You are a Great Doctor, and a Wonderful Mom 😊

Self-esteem is contingent on success. Self-compassion requires: Being as kind, gentle and encouraging to yourself as you would be to a good friend. Finding the common humanity - how am I the same as others? Mindfulness - acknowledge & validate what is there in the present moment. Self-criticism undermines motivation & may result in shutting down. However when we show ourselves compassion, when we feel safe & comforted we can find ourselves in the optimal mind state to do our best. Self-compassion is not self indulgent; the more we are able to keep our hearts open to ourselves, the more we have available to give to others. Thank you, Kristin.

I can’t stop crying. I’m extremely grateful about this

Excellent! I'd started practicing self-compassion some time ago. But I forget. But earlier today, as I walked through the park, I remembered. Then I "stumbled" upon this video. Thanks for reminding me that I, as much as anyone, deserve my compassion. Yes, this indeed is an idea worth spreading. And I shall.

I've been struggling my whole life with GAD, which leads me to be pessimistic, which leads me to put myself down a lot. This video has inspired me. I'm going to try to use self compassion and challenging of irrational thoughts to try and improve these issues. I've started a journal and every time I have something troubling me, I will make myself write about in a positive way. We'll see if it helps!

One of the best talks I've heard. This is life-changing research, with an impact on everything from parenting to schooling and the education system to workplace environments and leadership to even relationships

Whispering is only in the beginning, a great talk! Thanks Kristin!

Dear Kirsten, you saved my life. I've read your book "Self-compassion". I have ADHD and Bipolar Disorder, so I'm no stranger to acute shame and mood shifts. Everytime I suffer I try to recall your pieces of advice, it helps. In december I will have been spreading information about your wonderful book for 2 years. It's so underrated I think.

im currently reading her book... im not even halfway through and it has already changed my paradigm. i love her resassuring "okay?"'s haha

Why aren’t they teaching this in high school?! So smart! Thanks!

This is great wisdom- it makes perfect sense. Self compassion has to be at the start of all that is good in life. It creates a fullness and presence which I feel is inseparable from spirituality religious or secular. Offering 3 separate components and by implication a 'how to start' guide is a wonderful gift. Thank you and I will try and accept your invitation.

I love her family. I knew as soon as it started who she was. You have to read the horse boy and the long ride home if you haven't. Her autistic son rowan was healed in many aspects of his autism thanks to a horse and the shamans of Mongolia. Truly inspirational! :D

I have no idea how many times I've watched this, but it's great every time!

her voice is so soothing

I've listened to this a couple times as it's so powerful and in alignment with what I'm studying. Thank you.

Very interesting and helpful. Never thought about this before, but makes a lot of sense. No wonder Buddhism is so popular with westerners. What a great concept. And very well delivered.

What a courageous, brave and inspiring testimony!

This here is a true game changer for real. Self-Compassion is far more beneficial than self-esteem.... I definitely will be exploring this more in my own life. I'm so glad I discovered this Ted Talk. ❤

This is such an important idea worth spreading - Kristin Neff hits the nail on the head with this 'epidemic of narcissism' our society faces. As someone who has struggled with depression, I do believe we would all benefit from greater self-compassion.

Thank you Dr. Neff. Extraordinary message that touch one deeply. Your dialogue between the boy and his dad after ‘failing’ at a test as a practical example for self-compassion couldn’t be clearer and more human. Excellent delivery of psychological research presented in a beautiful way. 👏🏻♥️😊

"So in American culture to have high self-esteem we have to feel special and above average." Bingo! Meritocracy in a nutshell.

Self compassion give us the opportunity to really embrace the good and the bad ares of us and become more a a whole and complete people. I just hope that if we practice self compassion the world would be a better place.

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