I'm over 80% agreeable and I wish I wasn't. People are right; you'd believe being nurturing, yielding and accommodating would help you connect with others, but really, it's a bat signal for sociopaths and abuse.

It's fine to be agreeable unless it requires one to compromise their values / morals. Strength of character is more important than being liked.

Niccolo Machiavelli once said: "its better to be feared than loved if you can not be both".

this reminds me of a work situation where i was the only one disagreeable and fought a futile battle, ended up quitting-- losing a job i had once very much valued. in the end, my old 3 bosses all got fired because they were horrible.

i’ve been told i’m disagreeable and i was like NO I AM NOT!!!

If someone is diagnosed as disagreeable, and they agree with that diagnosis, doesn't that prove the diagnosis false? Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Interesting. It appears my disagreeableness is why I end up in leadership roles even though I don't desire leadership roles. It just ends up that way.

Based on the advantages and disadvantages you give for being both agreeable and disagreeable, it sounds like it may be better if someone is somewhere in the middle. Very interesting!

I agree with the advantages of being disagreeable. Sometimes you have to stand up to what you believe in. Being disagreeable and agreeable in every aspect is not good either. There has to be a middle ground

Being highly disciplined my my military father may have made me lose my precious ability to confront and set out a different path. i fight this problem daily in me, but now that I understand it better I may be able to change the tendency to defer to more of a individualist trait. I was just coping because I wanted my fathers love and approval more than anything, gifts he was very short on giving. Thank you. This has been very interesting and helpful.

The disadvantage of taking it to the extreme is that you may wind up homeless because no one wants to take you in. The advantage is that you may wind up rich, because you never submitted to become a slave for a system that doesn't care about you. I've been in both situations and I can say it is definitely worth it to stay disagreeable. I'd rather be dead than mediocre. "Keep your head down and don't make waves." AHAHAHAHA! I pity the fool.

Thanks, Dr. Grande for the compelling video

Rural-Ohio-kudos (they're like "dittos," but less inflammatory 😏) on the country star (in your background). That's as agreeable as I get -- from one (actually, only somewhat) "disagreeable" to another (self-described at one point, as I recall...?), good talk! Story time: 1987, College retreat, complete with umpteenth personality-spirituality- type-style-indicator-inventory 🙄. As we sat around pondering the results, astute campus pastor invited us to consider where we thought Jesus might fall on the little grid...? His comment has been ballast for my journey toward balance for 30 years. Wherever you are, Dave Kehret -- thanks! (For everything! 😊)

Fantastic video! Thank you Dr. Grande.

I believe that there was to be the right balance of disagreeableness and agreeableness.

It was interesting to know there are disadvantages to being agreeable as I always thought it's a good thing. I see where being to agreeable can lead to [passivity and becoming overwhelmed as they are less likely to be assertive

This was a great video explaining the pros and cons of high versus low levels of agreeableness. Although I scored low agreeableness on the five-factor model of personality assessment, this video helped me to see how disagreeableness is also a strength. Having grown up with a mother who is extremely agreeable (opposite of myself), it was always difficult for me to see her struggle with always trying to keep the peace and watching others take advantage of her agreeableness. I wonder what techniques or interventions counselors would use with clients who are on the extreme end of agreeableness, and if it would produce effective client outcomes.

I'm disagreeable. Not friendly at all at first glance, except if I like the bunch I'm around with, then I'm friendly, sympathetic, loyal, etc. I'm very judgemental, which certainly is not a great trait, but I can mascarade that well (at least that's what I think). I think my best trait is being loyal. I'm extremely loyal to the people I trust but if you break my trust, you'll never be forgiven. Never! I don't understand forgiveness, although I'd never attack anyone, either physically or verbally. If someone has done something I didn't like, I'd simply exclude said person from my circle of trust. I've done that to quite a few people over the years, to include family members. Trust is important to me. That said, maybe I'm agreeable to the people I regard as trustworthy.

This is classic Dr. G

You need to be able to be agreeable and disagreeable as the situation requires.

Without understanding the advantages of disagreeableness it would be easy to assume that agreeableness is a favorable characteristic so it was helpful to learn how it could be detrimental to success in some cases.

Many commanding individuals such as lawyers talk about the relief they get from taking a submissive role in their marriage. Yet live a completely different work lifestyle. The opposite can be true for people submissive in their workplace. Most personality facets seem to have a role and place in many aspects of living and are adaptive. I'm curious what truly are the core concepts that make up the permanent nuance to each individual's personality. All these traits get very confusing as they don't really take into account differents aspects of living. It was mentioned I think that depression can cause contradictory displays of personality facets. Perhaps from unresolved identity. I wonder if machiavellianism or something like it effects the display of these characteristics too. And how machiavellianism relates to conscientiousness (I feel there must be a missing descriptor here that bridges these concepts). These old videos on theory are my favourite. Hope to see more of them worked in. Thank you Doctor for sharing your mind and thoughts. It makes me very sad most scholarly articles are blocked behind pay walls and institutions. You bring so much knowledge to us and also do it in an admirably coherent way.

I’m a 21 year old women and I’m 2% agreeableness 😭. Explains why NO was my first word.

Thanks doctor Grande for being common sense to KZfaq.

Thank you, Dr. Grande. After watching this video, I was wondering whether the people who have the advantage in this trait are those who fall in the middle of the continuum.

There are several pitfalls here: first of all, while disagreeableness partly has positive effects, it also has a number of plausible negative effects, such as being rude, selfish, cynical, and basically just unlikeable in general (this often doesn't bother the disagreeable people themselves, since they don't really care if they are rude, so they feel that this is "not their problem"); and also, you have to be able to be willing to listen to other people's advice and opinions, otherwise you will be completely hopeless to talk to, since you will constantly want everything your way no matter what.

Agreeable people aren't passed over at work because they share responsibility for negative outcomes, disagreeable people are promoted because employers want to make a profit.

Love this, but it seems to be from a business POV, where relationships are not as important as out put. I would love to hear your remarks from the POV of the interpersonal relationships we value more than those we may have at work.

Do you feel that both can be found in the same person? I was asked to be Director of Nursing at a large facility because of my stance on no abuse of patients which meant that I could be disagreeable. But when I went home I was sum times too agreeable. I didn’t stay at the job because the nursing staff would complain to their mates and street crime against the DON would be committed.

I am only agreeable to persuade. Dark triade?

So what would you advise for a more agreeable person to do, particularly in the workplace, and can these traits be mitigated with a change in behavior or is it set in stone? Also, another question: what kind of science are you basing these ideas on? Behavioral psychology? Evolutionary Biology? Evolutionary Psychology? And what authors do you advise reading on this subject? Thank you in advance

I scored the lowest on agreeableness at 1 on the Big 5 Test. I'm Disagreeable but I pick and choose my battles of when to assert myself.

As with many things, it is always better to have a middle ground stance on things. It is good to be agreeable and disagreeable, to have a balance. Too much of one or the other is not productive or healthy for an individual.

I scored 25% of agreaableness, and often I am perceived as arrogant or rude because of my blunt way of talking (especially in a highly extroverted and agreaableness country like Mexico). I am also in the ASD, and I read we tend to score low in this trait on average.

Where can you take a test of your own traits based on the five factor model?

Why is friendliness associated with both high extraversion and with high agreeableness? Can one be friendly if high in agreeableness and low in extraversion, or vice versa?

I am 0 agreeableness 0 politeness and 0 compassion.

what's the difference between someone who is disagreeable and someone who is disobedient?

Being disagreeable hasn’t worked for my career - it can really screw you over, the system prefers yes people.

I’m extremely high in openness but moderately disagreeable. Sometimes I wish I was a lot more disagreeable.

Sometimes you have to hug people you don’t like, just to see how big you have to dig the hole in the backyard. (Grandma Said)

The "disagreeableness" trait seems to be a bit overhyped nowadays; some "disagreeableness" traits can actually make you a very unpleasant person, so you should only develop disagreeable traits that don't turn you into an insensitive bully. Assertiveness is good in some situations, yes, but sociopathic traits are clearly extremely wrong.

There are people that always disagree. I say black they say white. I say right they say left and so on and so on. They can be very obnoxious.

I scored a 77 on agreeableness on the International Personality Item Pool Presentation of the NEO PI-RTM. Would you consider this and other scores as a malleable or rigid element?

I think I scored low on agreeableness but I don’t think that is completely accurate. I see the pros and cons of being disagreeable and agreeable. It seems like it would be better to be somewhere in the middle of the two.

I feel maybe we need to balance two different attitute. I am a more harmonous person and have ability.to adjust. Yet sometimes I feel i stay silence for the sake of peace but I.do not.like it.always Thank you. It was an another interesting subject

Most of this video is about being agreeable and very little about being disagreeable. Change the title or change the content.

Two years ago I get a job in one of the top MNC companies. Myself a disagreeable person even to my boss. What happened was even though I work hard my promotion didn't come my bond extended ansd so on.But still I give a fight and own the march my increment comes with a promotion.On that day I gave my resignation to the manager "what is thisall about" BITCH I am not for your money but to prove I am worth and walk awaya....

When people are getting older how could I encourage them to retain a balance between being agreeable and disagreeable in an atmosphere they might find themselves in which restricts their freedom and so restricts their opportunity to experience enough exercise and fresh air? Only being able to help them find that balance by providing pleasant activities which only last an hour or so here and there is never enough in a workplace cutlure filled with for example the fear everyone there has of losing income because of malpractice and personal injury law suits? Maybe showing them entertaining sketches and encouraging humor could help that appeals to people in their own generation instead of sketches from say The Big Bang Theory or whatever except for one thing. When some there are not respecting boundairies of the other patients who are having short term memory problems too many patients there might be having problems with seeing and hearing a presentation properly without their glasses and their hearing aids. Then if the recreation area in a nursing home could be equipped with a loop system and available for loan hearing devices of the kind already available in movie theaters that are kept sanitized there then cries of conflict of interest from outside sources about those more cheaper devices which might help in that kind of viewing audience might ensue along with who gets to participate there. So what is a clinician supposed to do? The only way to practise a balance between agreeableness and disagreeableness being practiced to create better opportuinities in long term elder care for the patients there in that kind of situation is to build an investment team and then keep on making proposals to build your own privatised in a universal health care system. So then how would you avoid conflicts of interests again comging from investors? It would only lead to another set of challenges in the disagreeable agreeable balance.

I've learned by experience that i'm better off being agreeable. An example from work: a colege has a feeling that he is the only one that actually does any work and the rest of us are not doing our job or we do it wrong. We're all one team, only half of us work the second shift... One day i met him at work and he was just finishing off. He could not suspend his anger and confronted me with a specific accusation. As he was giving me his piece of mind i realized he got it wrong... it was our other colege who did that specific task that enraged him. But i was thinking to take this one for the team and i agreed with him on all accounts, apologized and went off. During the next day he learns that it wasnt me who was responsible for the task but our other colege. I thought that heavens will open up when i found him in front of me confessing he made a mistake. Again, i agreed and told him it was ok. Ever since that incident he leaves me alone and if he still devalues my efforts at work, he does it behind my back where i cant hear. That was one example where accidentally my agreeability worked well for me.

Sounds like just honest vs not honest people

I am highly disagreeable. I understand the disadvantages, but also is hard to care about other peoples opinions.

None of the things listed as advantages of being agreeable seem like advantages at all lol.

being disagreeable is so lonely

So does a person who likes being in control an example of a person who is less than agreeable?

I got 0-100

I disagree, hahaha. The way you're describing being agreeable leans more towards learned behavior rather than an innate personality trait. People often confuse being positive with wearing rose-colored glasses and an inability to recognize the reality of life. But it's more about how a person is framing a situation. Agreeable people who also tend to be positive tend to frame a situation by looking for solutions and how to positively bring solutions to fruition. This doesn't mean they're unable to see the challenges or problems involved. It means they consciously choose to focus on what they can do to affect positive change. It also doesn't mean they're incapable of saying, "no". Sometimes, what needs to be done is difficult. Being agreeable and seeing solutions doesn't mean people with these innate traits aren't capable of making difficult decisions. They are. They'll make them by distilling down the possibilities to the best possible outcome they're capable of recognizing and achieving. Sometimes, this might be ending a relationship whether personal or business. While many people might view the example of ending a relationship as negative, it can often be a positive. Of course, this requires discernment. Discernment is what helps us understand he differences between innate personality traits and learned behaviors (often childhood coping strategies). I believe what you described as being agreeable is more of a learned behavior. Often a behavior learned in childhood. The learned behavior (people pleaser) can be exacerbated by having an innate agreeable personality. Such a person will have to do the work of understanding what is a learned behavior and what is their innate personality shining through their decision making process. Learning to set personal boundaries can empower those who struggle with the learned behavior of agreeing to avoid conflict. Learning to enforce personal boundaries and not feel guilty about it empowers those who struggle with saying, "no". Personal boundaries aren't personal in that they aren't an affront or an attack on those they're enforced. The neutrality of personal boundaries, again, empowers people. Especially, those who learned to be agreeable in childhood as a survival strategy and struggle with saying, "no" in adulthood. Do you recognize now how being agreeable as an innate personality trait is different from a learned behavior or coping strategy of agreeableness? I hope so. It's important people understand the difference. I took the time to share my thoughts on this because I was once one of these people who was born with innate agreeableness and who also learned to be agreeable as a coping strategy in childhood. I'm here to tell you it may take time but with practice you can begin to understand the difference between these two. Begin with setting personal boundaries. Use your personal boundaries as a rudder steering your decision making. Anyway, I wish everyone the best.

So...talking about being disagreeable while having a pentagram in the back...i see you. Another psy experiment brought to you by Dr Grande lol just joking

I prefer being around agreeable people because then they do what i say.

I got only 13 out of 100..... hahaha 😂😂

You want your men unafreeable and your women agreeable

Shave your beard bro. It looks horrible.