Ma ri: sure has been awhile I wonder how many ships they managed to build? Humanity: LAUNCH THE CHONK

Ma Ri: "Humans, why did you build your ship so big?" Humans: "Huh? This is based on what you sent. Why are yours so small?" Ahh conversion errors.

The "would you like to know more?" Gave me chills. The only good bug is a dead bug!

Ma-ri: We fighting a war against bug would you like to know more? Human: COME ON YOU APES, YOU WANNA LIVE FOREVER?

ET: We're sending you specs for our largest warship. It's almost a mile long. We hope you can handle it. Humans: 16 miles long. Got it. You don't mind if we add a few extras right? ET: uhm...

As a man, I know for a fact "Bigger IS better". As a nerd, I love the fact that our first contact with aliens is peaceful and filled with good intentions. As an American, the fact that the first thing we did when receiving transmissions on how to build an FTL capable starship, was to fill the thing up with as much boom stick as possible, tickles me in ways I can't mention.

Ma Ri: "Here are the designs for a Fregatte." Humans: "Ah, designs for a Super Battleship!"

_"America being America, they decided to build an even bigger laser."_ Yep, this checks out: The question you should ask isn't 'Why is it that big?' but 'Why didn't you make it bigger?'. Pretty much the same train of thought went for Battleships in WW2. By all accounts overkill, to the point that they effectively became escorts for the rest of the fleet, because every enemy vessel was scared enough of them to avoid them like the plague, pretty much leaving them without many actual combat engagements. What few engagements they did witness, they usually, well... *The few engagements the Iowa Class Battleships had went something like this:* On a faithful morning, in 1952, during the Korean war, a gun battery from a bunker on an island decided to break it big, and fire it's 155mm shell at the USS Wisconsin. The Wisconsin, of course, is an Iowa class battleship. ... _Big._ Sadly though, this shell hit the USS Wisconsin. Sad for whoever decided to fire that shell. Because they hit the deck of an Iowa class battleship filled with the scariest people on the planet: _Americans._ The damage to the Wisconsin was absolutely minimal, and the only real effect was a small hole in the deck. You might think 155mm isn't small... But remember, _these are Americans._ So in response to this gun battery getting off a lucky shot it wouldn't hit again in a million attempts, the Wisconsin decided to uh... ... An Iowa class Battleship has nine 16 inch Mark 7 naval guns. The shell weighs 2700 pounds, or 1200 kilograms. So imagine the weight of a sizeable car worth of high-explosive super-heavy naval shells heading your direction, times 9, and you'll get an idea of how the USS Wisconsin responded, because yes, it went 'how dare you', and fired broadside at the bunker. Note, the bunker was located on a hill, according to records. 'Was' and 'according to records', not because the bunker was _gone,_ but because the USS Wisconsin took the hill out alongside whatever poor sods thought it was a good idea to piss of a Battleship filled with red white and blue blooded Americans. Leave it to the Americans to try to sink a damn island, *_and actually get close._* o7 EDIT: By the way, one of it's escort ships then flashed 'Temper Temper' to them, as in 'calm down lol'. Sometimes, it's just about making a point. And there's no shame in being petty when you're crewing an Iowa Class Battleship. Bigger is better. And the only excuse to not make something bigger, is if you physically or economically can't. Because at the end of the day, we're still Monke. And Monke follow big Monke with big stick.

Xenos: Here's plans for a sleek, fast ship. Humans: MORE DAKKA! WAAAAAAAAGH!

Humanity's first alien friends: "We're being eaten by bugs, save yourselves!" Humanity: "Fuck that. We're saving you. Smart of you to call the exterminators."

Ma-ri: "Hopefully our stand here will delay the bugs enough so that the humans and maybe other species have a chance to develop before they're discovered." Humans: [Warps in] "YEEEEE-HAAAAWWW!" Ma-ri: "What the feck is that! It's huge!" Humans: "That's what she said!" [Launches nuke] "BOOYAH!" Later Ma-ri: "Didn't you think the massive design was too much? Why spend so many resources on what might've been a massive failure?" Humans: "What, like we were gonna let you have all the fun? Besides, y'all helped us so much, how could we not at least try? It was the least we could do." Ma-ri: "Truly, an alien mindset. Still, we are grateful." Humans: "Aw, don't mention it. Besides, you're gonna have us as neighbors and you'll probably get tired of our shenanigans pretty quick." It was said later that some Ma-ri joked that they might've been better off with the bugs. Humans heard about it and laughed. And then together they built a fleet of ships to seek out new life and new civilizations, to see if the bugs had found them, and to help and defend those who were under attack. Because F#$%^ BUGS

I like that the only reason that nukes were brought was because “fuck bugs!”

If its not over kill its under prepared ( Bert Gummer from Tremors 2 )

Moral of the story: "Don't trust Google translate for the translations of your Alien language."

Ma-ri after knowing that the humans multiplied a corvette sized ship to a super dreadnought "Good thing we sent them the smallest and easiest ship to build. Imagine if we actually sent them blueprints for a battleship" XD

This was an excellent and motivating story. Much better than the dystopian mainstream sci-fi today

Sir they seem to have plasma based weapons we are just outclassed! Fek that we got Big Ass Comm Lasers. Load the social media munitions!

Would’ve been totally hilarious if the Ma-ri were also a lot smaller in general, like mouse sized. With the bugs being, you know, bug sized...

You know it's a good one when you teared up a little. This story had it all, taking us down a peg for being human, then, raising us up to a crescendous "Feck yeah! The Calvary has arrived!" and finally to an almost kilometer long Big Stick of whoopass! If this was made into a movie, I can imagine a scene where a Mah Ri space control officer would say ; "Sir, the Humans have arrived!" Both Mah Ri and Bug commanders looked and both cried at the same time, one in shock and awe, the other in panic, "WTF is that?!"

There are no mistakes here. Just happy "little" accidents.

I like to imagine a few people on the team knowing what Tyranids are and some of them being more than glad to blast a bunch of space bugs away or nope-ing the hell out of that situation

Hey, nukes are completely viable when dealing with advanced infestations. There's no limit on how much Dakka you can use on bugs.

So they gave us plans for a Cruiser and translation errors gave us a Superdreadnought .

Bugs received a video from Earth it was called Starship Troopers and Doctor Who. For some reason they're mortally afraid of police telephone boxes....

Ma-Ri: Corvette design Humans: Ork Spacehulk

So let me get this straight, the Ma-ri sent built plans of corvettes type ship to human, wanted human can use the technology to defense themselves, but due to translation error, human design their first ship into a galactic level state-of-the-art battleship?

well... if that error didn't happen the ship would still be at least that big. "Because HELL we buildin' toy ships."

Love the "Starship Troopers" tag line...lol

Was laughing thru the rest of the story after "do you want to know more", and those bugs were a very good reason for the human species because bug's 🤣🤣🤣🤣

ah yes, showing up to a gunfight with a battlehsip cannon, a common mistake

"would you like to know more?" And "fuck bugs!" Gave me Starship Troopers vibe.

*Loud fucking war horn that can be hear from fucking space* Ma ri: "Oh fuck Oh shit" Humans: "THE CAVALRY IS HERE!"

"Allow us, Humanity, to introduce the universe to our contribution to society within the Milky Way!" "What contribution do you provide, humans?!" "BIGGER IS BETTER, BABY!!"

"Cavalry! Forward, YO!... CAVALRY, CHARGE!!" *Trumpet fanfare, first pass* "WEAPONS FREE, FIRE AT WILL!" *BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT* -Is... Is that ship on fire? In space?- - -No Sir, that ship is fire-ing.- - -Gods above...- Edit: During World War 2, some ships were mistakenly thought to be on fire, rather than simply 'attempting build a sheet of steel between their ship and the enemy' from the shear volume of projectiles being sent downrange.

Wait! So, the Mari Would take 1 Year with a corvette, but the humans made It in 4 months with a dreadnougth... We fucking make space bismark!

Of COURSE if was a math error! We can't even reliably translated Base 60 to Base 10 without screw it up, and those are both man-made numbering systems!

As it was foretold, so shall it be. The only good bug, is a dead bug. There is no such thing as "overkill".

"All hands, ready cannons! I want every railgun charged, every torpedo tube loaded, every turret hot. Helmsman, if we run out of ammo, we'll RAM those bugs if we have to!"

"The only good bug is a dead bug." - random civilian Starship Troopers.

You know it's a good one when you get a little choked up

Theres a fanart of something that i have seen some years ago of some bastard bullying a girl with bunny years of some random anime, but behind of the bastard was the literal doom guy preparing his fists.

Size always matters but remember 3 inches can cause a lot of Damage because a big enough expenditure from a Credit card can cause the end of all life as we know it.

There is no such thing as too much firepower, just aim, and fire!😀😀😀😀😀

Gets weapon design from an alien civilization "we can make it bigger"

Man this makes me think of Stellaris lol. "Hey guys we weaponized our entire solar system" Ma-Ri "WHAT...?!" An entire quadrant of space goes dark as the Stellar Systemcraft approaches

If reality mirrors these stories at all, there is no question as to why the aliens are leaving us alone.

I really want to see a follow up story to this. Heck I would read the novel the story line was so good!

The Cavarly has arrived :) Love it

"Do you want to know more?" LOL!

The thùmbnail made me think it'd be funny if Humanity showed up to a battle in the equivalent of TOGs.

There are no mistakes, only happy little accidents

that's what she said.... note the 'cavalry' is slightly over 2x the length of a 'gerald ford' u.s. supercarrier but only slightly more displacement. makes sense with more internal hull space good story and i'd like to see it as a season on streaming thanks for the narration

FIRE 🔥 THE WRATH FORGES OF MARS, LET THE HATE ANVILS OF MERCURY RING THROUGH THE STARS, LET THE SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF TERRA LOSE UPON THE ENEMY!!!! HEAVY METAL 🤘 🎸 IS ON THE WAY BROTHERS. HOLD . THE. LINE! WE ARE ON THE WAY BROTHERS!!!

Humans back on earth: *now do it THIRTY TWO times yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees*

That was glorious!! Glory to the Author! Glory to the disembodied voice! Glory to the Terran-Ma-ri Alliance!! (But in a sense, it was our fault the fucking bugs found them. They copied us, sending transmitions randomly into the void. We we're lucky we found them, but they're not as lucky as us.'

All that for a rooster joke. Feels a bit like the nate the snake story.

Loved the starship troopers homage

Humans be like "Oh... should we leave it alone? Should we back off? Should we play it safe? NAAAAAH, you think "Let's make it BIGGER"! " no matter what.

*Humans accidentally give advanced civilization the idea of looking for intelligent life. Other civilization finds hostile bugs and is holding the line while teaching humans what they know in hopes they'll survive, they eventually send starship blueprints to humanity on their request* Humans after super sizing the ship and calling it _Cavalry_ : "Then the winged Hussars arrived!"

When I first read 'Bugs' and 'meteors' I was immediately reminded of 'The tower and the hive' books by Anne McCaffrey !

is there a playlist for these Humans are Space Orcs stories? not only do you do a wonderful job reading them, but they are entertaining themselves

if they screwed up the dimension by a factor of 16 then that means that ship was 4000 times more massive than planned. yea, no shit it had a lot of empty space for dakka.

The music really elevated this narration. Well done!

This one had me on the edge of my seat! I wasn't disappointed! 💛👾

Greetings Mentlegent! For the Rhyhtm that is Algo Speak softly, and bring STARSHIPS 16X BIGGER THAN THEY NEED TO BE Would you like to know more?

Service guarantees citizenship, would you like to know more? Starship Troopers aside, I thought for sure that the shenanigans would be that the bugs were the Ma-ri.

yeah. That was a really REALLY good one.

"I'm doing my part!"

This is one of my favorite stories so far… excellent story and narration. I listen to these while I workout almost daily. It’d be cool if we got a part two to this story.

- Even if you mess up, that's just how life works. You make mistakes, but you grow and over some time, those become happy little accidents. - Captain of the first interstellar Battlecruiser, "The Cavalry".

🎶I wanna be in the cavalry if they send me off to war 🎶

I love how the background music cuts out when it's revealed the plasma only corroded 1/2in of the 20in thick hull! 😂

A classic nod to Starship troopers, "Would you want to know more?" because...FUCK BUGS! LOL LOL LOL I have a flashback in my mind from Starship troopers: "Your Basic Arachnid Warrior isn't too smart, but you can blow off a limb (pulls out a combat rifle and blows a limb off of the arachnid) and it's still 86% combat effective.... Here's a tip, aim for the Nerve stem, and pout it down for good! Re-aims and shoots the bug in the core of it's carapace, dropping it on the spot). Would you like to know more? LOL

Bless the Squerril Bless the Author

The only issue I have with this story is that ELR-ELI isn't a backcronym like it probably would be in reality.

They sent us blueprints for a US Coast Guard Cutter and we spit out an Iowa Class Battleship

Human captain: Well, that explains a few things. But had we known how small your ships actually were, we would have just gone and made it a whole lot bigger anyway.

Those stats made the Calvary nearly 2.5 times longer and only 20% more massive than a Nimitz class carrier. Which normal takes 5-6 years to build in dry dock. Yet Calvary was built in space in 6 months! NICE!!!

"Temper Temper" vibes

God I could listen to him read a phone book. Love it.

Imagine the faces of the ma'ri on those corvette sized ships, when they got the jump signature of the cavalry on their Sensors. They must have thought something along the lines of: what in everything thats holy is that thing, jumping in to our System?

Commander of The Cavalry: XO, CRANK THAT S***! *Sabaton's Winged Hussars blasts over the intercom as The Cavalry tears through the bug's ranks*

Gentlemen, let me introduce, BIG CHUNGUS

Come on you apes!~ Do you want live forever!~ Everyone fights!~ And no one quits!~ Would you like to know more?!~

Humans go Waarg!!!!

I dunno. Nuke shockwaves in space? Could use a bit of proofreading.

Love It; absolutely hilarious. I think it would be even funnier if it turned out that the Ma-ri were insectoid too.

verry good story thx for uploading.

Nice tale XD Thanks for the narration! For the algorithm!

Oh my God this made me cry from joy

If you don't know the joke..."Made in America! Size, "Small."

O god i love this one and Doom music

Make the picture of the aquarium smaller and the window for the text larger for those of us who read it with the sound muted.

That was absolutely awesome!!

Guess the bugs outgrew Klendathu. "Would you like to know more?"

The author really liked Starship Troopers I see. :D Great taste, Even better narration!

With the translation error creating a ship 6 times bigger for everything, could the Mari also just live 100 years, instead of the 600 years first mentioned? And 4 arms and 4 legs also then being a translation error?

To fight the bugs we must understand the bugs.

I'm doing my part!

The thumbnail ship reminds me of the time technologically superior aliens lost to an 80 year old work of art...