It works, it works, it works!!! For those of us who were plagued by disconnection from birth, who have searched all our lives for meaning, who, once, having tasted presence, can no longer go without it - you are encouraging us, connecting us yet again when we become islands. You made this video 4 years ago, and rest assured it is having a ripple effect. Thank you for making the video. For the little people inside of us who needed defending, you are a firebrand for us, nurturing what is real, pure and authentic.

Your channel is offering next-level healing to me. I've been on a quest searching for the info that I need to heal from childhood trauma, and I haven't stopped watching your videos since I stumbled upon them about an hour ago Wow.

I've been in and out of some form of analysis, counseling or therapy since age 14. The self-help books I've read and the KZfaq videos I've watched would fill a football stadium. Eighteen months ago found an excellent therapist skilled in many modalities. I've been doing a lot of healing, but finding Stephanie Foo's book and now your website and videos is proving to be life-changing in indescribable ways. As they say: when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

This makes perfect sense to me. I have spent the first half of my life as a false self. People pleasing, and perfectionist just to keep ahead of people. I was the imposter on the outside covering up the imposter inside. When I finally caught up to my real self (thank you EMDR) this feeling of being connected to my emotions and experiences feels both light and warm. The energy that was released was incredible. Still far to go but I on the road. This really resonated. I could feel it

The healing process began for the woman. I believe she felt she was in a safe environment to speak.

What you described makes complete sense. Most people are afraid to feel their feelings and want to believe that they can think their way out of emotional issues. But we really need to FEEL our way through emotional issues. And when we witness someone really feel their feelings -- we feel them, too 🙏✨

Yes, I absolutely believe that the presentation is secondary. The content and skills to deliver it in a clear and focused manner is what's important. And you have a great strength in that. Please do continue to share your knowledge, observations, thoughts, and experiences as they shape. Thank you.

"Holding her and hugging her with our gaze". Dr Ham, I've found healing analagously and pieced together parts of myself through your content. I hope you continue to share.

Wow. So glad I found your channel. Thank you.

I love this. It is honest and sincere. It is very helpful. Thank you.

It is like when you finally hear the child coming back to life to try to make sense and justice for her experience and grief...

Thank you so much. Your video and voice are so cathartic. 🙏

Totally works. I am watching/listening to a lot of your content, and I hope you're still posting . . . Forget production concerns. What you teach is the what matters.

Sounds like what you describe is attunement with self and attunement from the therapist and others in group - and being held (by gaze, etc.). Yes. So healing.

I have worked in the public school system in special education for over 20 years. I really enjoy the way you give another perspective on trauma in children. Awesome!

It's right on the spot! You nailed it. The challenge is really to go so deep into the darkness, that you start understand where all the pain is comming from.

I love how you are able to work through your thoughts from early stages. You don't get deterred, and you yourself remain at the heart of the matter, in confidence that the idea will eventually formulate into something of relevance. I love to see this process, and the outcome of these thoughts. Heart to Head semantic processing is the hardest thing. This video helped me to realize that I default to my head (rehearsing a much diluted and seperated version of myself) when "replaying information to others" or in other words, when I have a conversation with others. This results in very little connection (and often checking out on both sides) because I myself am not connecting to my own heart first. If I want connection, then I will have to attune my head with my heart first, and secondly, I have to find the courage to share my heart. Thank you for this video, I feel it will be a major goal in my life now that I see it actualized into words. ❤

Thank you Jacob. I do blah, blah, I start out intentional and then get lost in it. 💚

Yes. This works very well for me and the way you’re delivering it is exactly what I need. Real.

This completely resonates with me. I’m currently in a therapeutic group setting every week where although normally I’m shy and avoid talking in front of others, I talk more than anyone else in this group. In part this is because it feels new and regulating to be in a setting where the idea is to validate one another; I suspect I have an overflowing need for such an experience, but it is also because I want my sharing sensitive things to help normalize them for the others. Talking in front of others and also of course, listening is making me increasingly aware of what you are talking about in this video, to the point where I’m now trying to become much more mindful about not talking as much. Both when I listen to others and when I hear myself or think about what I have said afterward, I can feel how the energy in the room shifts this way and that; how sometimes I can be incredibly involved in what I’m saying and I know I sound passionate and that people listen to me and hear how strongly I feel, but afterward, there isn’t necessarily a sense of co-regulation or warmth happening in the room and in the quiet space just as I finish I feel more lonely than held. Then other times, which I think tend to be when I’m speaking from a more regulated place, I can, or more near being able to, feel what I am feeling in that moment. I am not talking, or trying to be understood, from a place of activation, anger, and/or fear, but I’m being to a greater degree self-contained and present, describing a real-time emotional experience I’m having to the others. Those times, afterward or during, there is a different energy in the room that feels much more attuned and that is much more like the ‘holding’ that you are talking about here and in other videos.

I think she felt seen for the first time in her life. Which you said (in another video) babies need from their parents to become securely attached. What a beautiful gift you all gave her!

I've been watching and watching this video because I want to truly absorb this poignant message, thank you!

I value your presentations and insight on treating trauma. One thing I have noticed is your ability to know/suspect when a person is not being sincere or complete in their responses. I find that, ability, key in the treatment or discussions. Can you please share, how we can learn, how to detect or discover this insight? I know you listen very carefully, but what other 'signs' do are you looking for. Thank you.

Healing my traumas 1 loss, 1 hearbreak, 1 hurt at a time❤ THANK YOU FOR THIS❤

Dear Dr. Ham, I have viewed many of your videos regarding attachment and attunement. They have been helpful to my clients. Here you are describing in my mind a "holy moment" where our human soul connects with another soul in ways not always describable. I appreciate your videos and insights very much. Keep struggling with the explanation as we as counselors continue to struggle alongside you.

Thank you very much, Dr Ham. At that moment, this woman has become real, that is the healing, or that is the start of her life.

I am not a therapist only a "patient" (without one...) but I can certainly relate to this from 12-step meetings in ACA. The sharings that are full of insights, sometimes accompanied with tears but they still almost makes me fall asleep.... then someone, perhaps a newcomer, who more or less just express how he/she feels about being in the room and it goes straight to my heart. So far I have not experienced a shift in "the moment", the format with limited time and no one allowed to comment anything, doesn´t give much room for it to happen, but I have definitely seen it happen over time. I would love to know how others experience my sharings...... well I do feel them in my body, sometimes very strong and I am aware of whether I feel safe in the room or not. This has definitely changed over time towards more connection body mind but also changed my relationship with people in the groups.

I'm glad to have found your videos. As you were explaining I was releasing a lot of layers around my heart, feeling my body relaxing.

Hi Jacob! I really love all of your videos and I look forward to showing them to clients so they don't just listen to me talking all the time about attachment and trauma. But I wanted to ask, do you EMDR? What you're talking about in this video is what bilateral stimulation is supposed to be synchronizing through processing--the head and heart, or left brain and right brain becoming congruent. It's also done in ego state therapy, when EMDR therapists mix ego state therapies into reprocessing. Also, your client moved from shame to sadness. That's where we're trying to get our clients to go in processing! It's so beautiful to watch! Thank you for your insights, and yes, they totally make sense to me!

You are doing an excellent job trying to explain something that has to be felt and experienced It sure makes sense! 👍👌 Healing is about reaching that point where you can tune in and feel safe with other people and then spend as much time as possible in this "setting" not only to heal your trauma but to keep living a good life as the social mammalian you are 😊 #steveporges #polyvagaltheory #neuroception #alanschore #imobilizewithoutfear #mindsight #interpersonalneurobiology

That was helpful. I'm working as a novice therapist to be comfortable with the silence without turning away my gaze. Thank you for the video.

Thank you so much! It's brilliant, it's simple and it's so so true! This is how people learn from each other and this is how the best things are transmitted from parents to children. Please continue to share these insights.

I found this understandable and helpful. As the new trauma understanding and support field grows, we'll all feel that words and systems aren't meeting the needs of what we have witnessed in our work and experience. You are bridging that with your videos and I'm okay with the exploration to find how to explain. In a 100 yrs, we'll look back and see this nascent vocabulary and efforts both frustratingly insufficient and at the same time leaving such gaps that make it even more clear because no word is in the way of the actual feeling/experience. Really appreciate your work and sharing.

I love you being authentic the way you do. This was one of the best descriptions on this topic I have ever seen on KZfaq and I feel like I could connect with your words and what you were trying to say and realized something. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. Keep going on. :) K

Dr. Ham, you are an inspiration. I am a mental health professional, new to practicing and a few of your videos were homework for an Adoptive and Foster Family Therapy certification I am working on from Portland State University in conjunction with Oregon Department of Human Services. Their class on Attachment theory was the most painful, and the most cathartic. I have a degree in psychology from John F. Kennedy University's holistic counseling psych program. What you are describing with the group of women I experienced first hand, and also witnessed in groups at school. Thank you for providing us with these videos. kind regards and much respect, Cory

Such a strong metaphor!! Thank you so much for sharing this! Rough cut win. When we tune in (be present within) and our head attunes with our heart (inner connection) we make music that others have no choice but to resonate with (outer connection). Stellar, thank you.

This is beautifully described. The powerful unspoken connection in the group that held her in her pain with love. Amazing.

This was excellent. *Get to a place where there is nothing left to say. *Get to a place where the head and the heart are in harmony. We need to create a safe place where people can disclose anything. Love your videos:)

I agree. "Living in the moment" helps me a lot to stay grounded and process my emotions better. I am very grateful to have found your channel, and my heart and mind tell me; I am on the healing path. Thank you.

It does work. I’m deeply grateful for it.

Yes! It makes sense. I've noticed that my protector parts will manufacture spectacular mental pictures meant to represent my feelings and believe that these pictures, the images are a bridge between me and the other person. When the other person is confounded my protector parts will feel justified in not trusting them. Only when I release my grip on the story, the clever images and powerful similes and simply share how I feel do I begin to experience any connection at all reflected in the face of the other.

Yes, i described it as a sense of rhythm that I could reach out and touch like a vibrating violin string.

So difficult with CPTSD to sync up internally in an environment that is unwittingly hostile to vulnerability and not supportive of authenticity. Empathy is key, but sometimes its a rare commodity. I watched your conversation with Forrest Hanson and I want to thank you for... for going so very deep into what we are and taking all this on yourself.

Thank you for sharing this story. I'm very glad I found this channel. You give me words in combination with simple and powerfull visuals for what is required in working with traumatised parents and their children. For understanding others and for understanding myself. That's where it starts. You have no idea if this makes sence to us guys or not. I let you know: It makes perpect sence!! Also in here in the Netherlands. I'm looking forward to more of your video's.

It does make sense. That's the story of my life. Thanks for sharing.🙏🏾👍

It makes so much sense. You explained, very well, something that is difficult to explain. It seems to be something you know when you witness it in another person, or experience it for yourself.

You are a lovely person. Your voice is so calming and reassuring that this is a safe space. I believe you have tapped into how healing can really begin. It's all from the heart and the gut. When you talk about getting out of your head, or you're going back to your head. That strikes me as profound because I have thought that if i understand what happened in my past, I'll get better. Essentially overthinking everything all the time. What you have shown to me is the feelings need a safe space enable to sit with them, feel them and actually, honestly, release them. I have not been able to do that and that is a huge part of each day. A good therapist and a connection could allow this to happen. You have given me hope. Thank you.

Thank you, thank you much for the work you are doing.

Hello Joseph, While I can follow your line of thought - heads contain with a gaze and the hearts look directly in your eyes touch your hand, your shoulder or hug - look at what children do in the playground (pre-conditioned acts of kindness) The heart would also want you to know how brave you were to go on that deep dive... And the group would validate. it felt to me as I listened to you that speaker in this instance wasn't the only one that had those experiences which may have triggered the "freeze response" in the other group members...

Thank you for this video. You articulated that really well. I think learning to live with the head and heart on the same resonance is a really important part of feeling like you're experiencing life to the fullest, including connections with others. (Incidentally, I find your videos great with or without editing.)

I hear you and know what your talking about and appreciate your communication. Thanks!

This is good and is a great format. Works so well. Thank you

Wow thank you for that. Yes, it makes sense and bring a new perspective for me. Thank you.

truly amazing !!!!like wow

I found that helpful, thanks. I look forward to discovering more.

Beautiful & ingenious picturing of the process. Love it!

Sounds true - feels true - thank you

Thank you. I feel understood my my core and I understand what was said perfectly. Thank you.

The experience you share resonates with me in a calming and profound way.At times, I experience the same centering and deep honesty when I talk to my therapist. I hope you will continue to share what you intuit. I understand you may feel vulnerable and exposed, but you are giving us tremendous gift.

Yes, what you said made sense, even though I just came across your videos and wasn't sure what the topic was, I felt like you had an insight into what you were saying. Interesting videos, and I like the illustrations.

Ummmm you're amazing. You could have a huge following. More videos!!❤

Thank you for this video I really enjoyed it. I an studying early childhood education right now, and I person found your video's to help what we are talking about in class. Thank you!

Thank you!

I just found your videos and I wanted to let you know that they've really resonated with me. I don't usually leave comments but I wanted to write this to you and let you know that you're doing amazing work and I will continue to check in to your channel for new content (and to rewatch older videos too).

Thank you for this video. I know that cognitively, it doesn't seem to make much sense but viscerally, it did. I went through great trauma, living many years, in fact most of my life with persons with narcissistic personality disorders (yes, ignorant of the dynamics of having a disordered step-parent I chose a disordered partner, but I finally learned...), I am doing the internal work now of healing and learning how to be a better, less avoidant person to those I care about in my life. What this video provided for me is safety, I guess I feel unsafe alot, I seem to attract a lot of people with disorders into my life, even though I do have a few loved ones I can absolutely count on whom I love dearly. The people who love me do not understand disorders, so it is like the mute eating a bitter fruit and unable to articulate the experience. It is ironic as it is after all, only a video, and therefore providing virtual , non-personal safety and compassion, but I do appreciate its essence of offering a safe space to commiserate to all.

Makes complete sense - I have experienced this and I think it represents how community can support healing even in silence -

It works ❤ Thank you Dr. Ham

Oh my god I have been struggling to find the words for this kind of resonance for so long. My therapist claims I'm an empath (I'm suspicious and not sure if empaths are a thing but relate to more or less everything to do with a certain flexibility in boundaries in resonating with others for specific struggles.) and I think what you've described has been what I see as 'resonating': an almost transcendent moment when even without the right or sufficient verbal or written language, there's this pure authentic moment that on the surface sounds pretty generic and not even particularly potent or compelling on a linguistic level, but is utterly powerful to the 2 people in the exchange because they Know - even if incompletely - what the pain of the experience is like. I don't believe it's possible to Know 100% someone else's pain, but there's the sense that in such moments when you cradle someone else in your gaze and both persons see themselves in each other through the exchange, there's such a powerful intimate resonance that cannot be easily verbalised or distinguished as special to others who may hear the exchange and think of it as something pretty ordinary within the spectrum of emotional sharing. I'm not sure if this is what you're describing in your video, but it sounds pretty close to me.

Thank you. I understand and am so grateful for your videos.

it works. it makes so much sense and ur delivery is easy and comfortable to understand. thank you .

This makes perfect sense! The head and the heart harmonize… beautiful! I want to have this intention within me and with my counseling practice with my clients… Thank you Dr. Ham..🙏

Thank you ❤

Beautiful and simple. Pure.

Great insight in this video.

Makes perfect sense

Thank you so much for all your videos. Now I understand many things that were very unclear to me. Its not about being put on meds, but understand the core of the problem. And you really hit home. Now I know were to start my journey of healing.

This absolutely made sense and it is something that I have been noticing within my conversations and relationships.

That did resonate. Well said.

Love this, Jacob. Absolutely love your point and your presentation.

Got it! So helpul

You know exactly what you're talking about and you explain it in a way that resonates on all levels. Everyone should watch your videos.

Yes it makes sense- such a beautiful video, thanks for sharing! Brain and heart coherence is what you seem to be talking about :) atleast my interpretation of it.

Wow such amazing content thanks alot for your wonderful videos. I was searching of you have published books. You are such gift. Thanks again

It totally works. Thks

Please keep making more.

beautifully said

you have such a gentle comforting voice

I got it. I’ve done that before not really having a full realization of it.. but I remember the feeling.

I love you & the things you say. They help me🤍

Makes sense to me!

we need more of you

Will you be putting more videos out or is there somewhere else to find you? Deepest and most sincere help/discussions I've found. These things save lives ❤️ ty so much

I think what you are trying to suggest it is for us to be present emotionally to the traumatized speaker. That is what happens in therapy.

I wish you shared more!!!!

I am loving your videos and am so grateful for the wisdom you share. I’m hoping you will be willing to share a bit more. Many of my clients are court ordered to treatment due to charges they received related to their addictions, but who are at their core coping with trauma. Do you think it’s possible to help clients who perceive the impact of their trauma (inability to trust, need to control situations & people, easily angered, etc.) as just who they are and so are unable to believe there lives could have more joy and peace if they were to look at the reasons they react the way they do?

I'm in.

That was awesome. It's really all about attunement. May we all have the capacity for it

My root system is developing. Cool.

How do the four layers of the self you mentioned (words and actions, emotions, intentions, and identity assertion) fit into or interact with the dichotomy between head and heart?

Hi Dr. Ham, how do you sort out whether to deal with the physical sensation of anxiety or grief physiologically vs. narratively? I know that sometimes, attending to the sensation in my body without investigating the source of pain (childhood trauma memory / metaphor) melts away the issue. But often times, I'm trying to force myself to find that trauma memory instead which can be frustrating when there's none to be found or articulated. Is there a framework that would help figure out which route is more helpful in situations?