@AdiAditii 2 жыл бұрын
Interest: intentional compliment Affection: smiling, physical, affirmation(knowing yours and their love language) Fun: joke fun together, playful, plan date Show matter: support, empathize, care, concern, validating their feelings, mentally and physically Be genuine And respect ❣️ Thankyou anna 😁💫 and fellow neighbours for adding up
@whatisahandle221 2 жыл бұрын
For Affection, I really think the key is something along the lines of your & your partner knowing your own and the other’s “Love Language.”
@AdiAditii 2 жыл бұрын
@@whatisahandle221 yep i think knowing the love language might be ✨
@billh.1940 2 жыл бұрын
And don't forget respecting each other! Very important!
@sststr 2 жыл бұрын
Worst thing of all is when you are making the effort to give all the positive interactions, and not only does your partner not quite grasp or appreciate it, but gives you mostly negative. The 5:1 ratio doesn't work if it is your 5 positives to their 1 negative, both sides need to give positive interactions regardless of who is giving the negative.
@sexualsmile 2 жыл бұрын
You could also
@sexualsmile 2 жыл бұрын
View your actions as positive/ when they can be nagative People never like to see themselves as the bad person
@deathchronic 2 жыл бұрын
The one who's counting is gonna be counting on the days they're experiencing negative interaction. Likely is they will be in a negative mi dset and have a higher chance of dismissing the positives.
@bakarina8148 2 жыл бұрын
This has more so to do with overall behaviour on people. Sometimes we have to accept that people don't want to put into the effort or learning or empathy that we do, so walking away, (if it is a romantic relationship) is not unrealistic. With platonic and/or family, it's important to have healthy boundaries so you don't get abused for what you offer. But it is overral complicated, and only you can decide what is acceptable or unacceptable for your boundaries.
@sststr 2 жыл бұрын
@@bakarina8148 That's one of the great ironies in this case (it was a romantic relationship) - I was mostly ok with it, yet she still wasn't. Which makes it a terrible relationship for me to remain in, yet she was the one who ended it. The only thing that finally got me to stop thinking about her, at least for a little while, is the recent death of my sweet little betta fish :(
@alexanderthegreat1270 2 жыл бұрын
A simple phrase I really like is, "A Relationship should be 60-40, but each partner should think they're the one giving 60%"
@SliceofCheeze 2 жыл бұрын
I dunno, i used to have that mindset, then as i read and learn moren my new mindset is 100-100, each is response for their happiness, but when I'm with my partner we're 110% 😂
@gcrofts3294 2 жыл бұрын
@@SliceofCheeze I really like that: 100+100
@whatisahandle221 2 жыл бұрын
@CheeZ , @@gcrofts3294 - I respectfully disagree: no one should be responsible for or be giving "100%" to another person. That's really pushing boundaries. It would be like an unhealthy infatuation, or hero/spouse worship, or just plain dedicating your life's goal to that one person and/or the relationship. It's one thing to prize the security, health, and growth of your partner--for the good of themselves, your family, & more. But, at some point, everyone in the family lives in the world, owning roles & responsibilities to work, neighborhood, community, church, teams or clubs or groups, friends, extended family, etc. I do like, however, the idea of intentionally being maybe ~10%+ more present when you are with someone. (ie not on a phone or other distraction)
@Coolarj10 2 жыл бұрын
My grandmother says something along the lines of, "One shouldn't focus on making sure a relationship is always 50-50. Instead, each individual should give as much as they can, for not everyone has the same capacity to express love."
@micap1121 6 ай бұрын
@@SliceofCheezethat sounds so sweet 😻
@jayg1316 2 жыл бұрын
I definitely see this being helpful with friendships too. And if you struggle doing these things then maybe that relationship is not working. I could also see people using this to stay in a relationship that's not meant to be
@vriley2000 2 жыл бұрын
Even family relationships, too. For instance, my brother is a d**kbag and has done "negative interactions" our whole lives, because he found them funny. He always sees it as "just good-fun... playful ribbing". Only he has NEVER balanced it out with positive interactions... and he seems to think we have a much better relationship than we actually do. I've heard about this idea before, and it helped me realize the situation, and that it wasn't going to get better no matter how much I tried. So we don't talk much, and I'm happier for it.
@davidsachs4883 2 жыл бұрын
Another positive activity. When I stop at the grocery store I’ll send a quick text to my wife and daughter asking if they want fresh fruit. I prefer they snack on fruit and it shows some affection
@veganbatman 2 жыл бұрын
you have a preference for your wife's snacks?
@watercolourAlto 2 жыл бұрын
That's absolutely adorable,,
@blank_line 2 жыл бұрын
Wow, my dad always does that when he is on his way home from work. And he always goes to the farmers market early on Saturday to buy us freah milk and yogurt, since we don't like the ones from supermarket I feel like he kinda set my expectations for a future partner too high 😂
@ori_05 2 жыл бұрын
@@blank_line He’s making sure you don’t settle for less 😄 wish my dad cared haha
@Nikita-cx6sd 2 жыл бұрын
This is so beautiful.
@SavySweetie 2 жыл бұрын
I’ve been trying to become more present and an overall better friend, so thanks.
@ryanciani3324 Ай бұрын
rightttttttttttt
@katiefrolichman 2 жыл бұрын
Anna, you’re the type of friend I wish I had! So instead, I’m taking what you say and using it to be the friend that is more like you! Your openness to share with us and willingness to change shows that we can too! Keep it coming. I’m healing my trauma, just like you, so it’s like we’re not alone. Even though I’ll never meet you and be your bestie 💕
@jessicam3555 2 жыл бұрын
Aww that’s so sweet. Much love to you ☺️
@AncestryNerd 2 жыл бұрын
Hey Katie! I also wish I had friends like Anna and the twins. I'd be down to be friends. hmu
@ulisesorizaga 2 жыл бұрын
I love this comment so much! I actively try to be more like this friend and partner!
@thewatchtower8330 Жыл бұрын
What trauma does she have?
@taylorlynn-art 2 жыл бұрын
I have heard about this golden ratio in a parenting book and holding the ratio of positive interactions with your children.
@BladeRedwind 2 жыл бұрын
i think a lot of this works in relationships of the non-romantic type as well. not as intensely, but I find I do these with close friends as well.
@ereccatateishi 2 жыл бұрын
I'd just like to voice my appreciation of the little shots you make in between to give visual scenarios to highlight the important key components of the topic. I've been a viewer for quite some time now, but never thought of voicing my appreciation now. Always making top notch quality 👌
@OmniscientlyMe 2 жыл бұрын
As I recall, the studies on this also say that a ratio of more than ~11:1 are just as likely to fail as less than 5:1.
@MesRevesEnRose 2 жыл бұрын
Hmm maybe these are love-bombing couples?
@kaitlynnbroke2321 2 жыл бұрын
@Wei Li both are true. Either one is a narcissistic and love bombing their partner. Or both are in a materialistic relationship where both had their own interests. So both will show to much “love” to hide how disingenuous they are.
@slothhq1929 Жыл бұрын
People are calling this “love bombing “. But I think some relationships can just be … boring. Because they simply are too good. My first relationship was like this.
@TY-qj1fh 2 жыл бұрын
The problem for me was not knowing the underlying reason/motivation to continue working on my relationship. Anna points out such great ways to try to reconnect and rekindle things with your partner, but I struggled to know why I should even try. He was wonderful and always loving. He was perfect. Yet I was still unhappy. I hated that, and I hated myself. I thought that there had to be a solid base of love, something unmoving, something emotional that you can't help but feel. I thought that was what motivated people to try and work on relationships when reason failed. I didn't think that we should be together when these emotions were no longer there. There had to be a reason for me to choose to love, and I couldn't come up with a good one. Now I can. Now I look back and I think to myself that there was trust, kindness, thoughtfulness, consideration, humor. Those would have been my reasons to love him and I was just so blind.
@personwithcommonname 2 жыл бұрын
Interesting, I hadn't heard about this before! Thanks Anna!
@teatree5633 2 жыл бұрын
2 years with my partner and I think we’ve only had maybe 4 negative interactions. Maybe even less because we never dwell on those negatives. I truly believe relationships are meant to be easy if each other meets halfway every time.
@yasselesca 2 жыл бұрын
Same! My partner and I are together for almost 3 years, we also had about 4 negative interactions, it's so easy with my partner. It's like sunshine and butterflies all the time between us, we sometimes joke about how other people would puke if they would see us interact 24/7 because of the cuteness overload.
@sakurafan000 2 жыл бұрын
Fun fact: Gottman and Gottman also stated that a relationship with a 1:11 ratio or higher is deteriorating as well. Having negative interactions in a relationship is important as well to feel the otherness of your partner and be excited.
@jaylewis9876 2 жыл бұрын
Thats good to note. 5-11 means aiming for 5 may be pushing it but maximizing is bad too. Aim for 8 and going a little over or under is still solid
@dmarsub 2 жыл бұрын
good point, but i don't think the conclusion necessarily follows. i would rather say that a relationship with 11/1+ is more likely to hide existing conflict. we don't need to conclude that conflict is good l, but that conflict(bad interactions) is inevitable, and hiding or ignoring these aspects are likely to cause bigger problems in the future, or are a symptom of other issues.
@sakurafan000 2 жыл бұрын
@@dmarsub i wouldn't agree with you on that. I think that people need pain and thrill. Even though humans strive for perfection, the human can't live in perfection. Even though we don't like pain, we need some of it. It makes us feel alive. A perfect relationship without pain at all is dull. And it is reflected in our relationships. People leaving seemingly perfect and extremely harmonious relationships or cheating even though they get everything they need in their relationship. It's because everything always being good isn't what we truly want.
@ApequH 2 жыл бұрын
I haven't read the study yet, but are those absolute of avarage? So like, are there people who do very well on a 1: 12?
@ApequH 2 жыл бұрын
@@sakurafan000 But you can get pain anywhere, you don't need to get it from your partner or friends.
@annemariestrehl 2 жыл бұрын
Was anyone else missing the text animations? I always loved how fun and creative they were. I wonder if this was just a one off thing that they're not there.
@Manon12092000 2 жыл бұрын
Their work as researchers is amazing. I truly think reading their book should be mandatory for some people!
@englishforya 2 жыл бұрын
“Keep your face always toward the sunshine, and shadows will fall behind you.” - Walt Whitman “Mantén tu rostro siempre hacia la luz del sol, y las sombras caerán detrás de ti”. - Walt Whitman.
@vriley2000 2 жыл бұрын
I first heard this is a very good documentary called "The Truth About Marriage", and I loved it because it's a real thing to strive for. Thank you for this! Love your videos and thoughts!
@peperika7845 2 жыл бұрын
This is so intriguing, I’ve never learned about the psychology of couples and relationships
@hernrypalacios2219 2 жыл бұрын
Your heart decides who you want in your life , and your behavior decides who stays in your life ✨️
@coppersense999 2 жыл бұрын
I can see one person aiming to hit the golden ratio might revitalize a sleepy relationship. But I'd say if it's all one-sided then that's a red flag. And did Anna just confirm a new relationship status? Wish her lots of happiness. 💕
@Chris-de2qc 2 жыл бұрын
Idk isn't she always seeing someone?
@carolinerollins8121 2 жыл бұрын
It's interesting how simple the golden ratio is, it's not always easy in execution. But it's not impossible or hard to understand. I really like that.
@babyclayby 2 жыл бұрын
You’re always right on time with exactly the thoughts I needed to explore, thanks Anna!
@MikeNovelli 2 жыл бұрын
There's a huge difference between being in a relationship where this happens automatically without effort and being in a relationship where you recognize this isn't happening and so you actively change in an attempt to fit this model... Don't seek to change who you are because of a relationship, seek a relationship that provides this for who you already are...
@BartimaeusTrilogyFan 2 жыл бұрын
I would say that if you realize you have negative tendencies, making an effort to change that is a positive thing. That change should come from you and your motivations, your own self awareness, though. Not from someone else. I mean, honestly, isn't that just part of maturing?
@MikeNovelli 2 жыл бұрын
@@BartimaeusTrilogyFan sure is. but one should seek a relationship that has those attributes naturally rather than forcing them into an existing relationship thru major change.
@BartimaeusTrilogyFan 2 жыл бұрын
@@MikeNovelli Definitely!
@laviniasnow4494 2 жыл бұрын
“my father Squarespace” always makes me at least smile if not laugh.
@RicardoSalta 2 жыл бұрын
I was wondering about that, what's the point there?
@Dexington429 2 жыл бұрын
Solid advice as always. Thanks Anna 😊
@tallasianchick 2 жыл бұрын
this is why i love sexuality studies; i learn something new all the time.
@Fehren_Hi 2 жыл бұрын
omg! mahalo for these pointers! most of the time I'm a goblin too... I'll try my best to put em to use when I get out of this depression mode
@radzbites 2 жыл бұрын
mY fATher SQUARESPACE
@ripvanwinkle4532 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you
@lotusmoonflower0 2 жыл бұрын
......I was so ready for the "daddy square space" that the "father" made me do a double take
@vladislavkozlov4978 2 жыл бұрын
The flip side of the minimum 1:5 ratio is that in relationships that don’t have at least one negative interaction for every nine positive ones don’t challenge the couple and those ones don’t last either.
@OmniscientlyMe 2 жыл бұрын
I seem to remember the range being 5-11. In any case, there's definitely a limit.
@trash3570 2 жыл бұрын
Interesting, my last relationship was like that. Almost zero negative interactions. And it ended up blowing up and ending very quickly. All my fault tbf
@therandomizortank8357 2 жыл бұрын
In my relationship I have problem with two things. 1 matching other half excitement over achievements that she has done which I feel minor or something that ‘everyone does’. 2) buying gifts to show appreciation. My other half basically demands I get her things for birth day Christmas etc. making gift giving more of a have to do chore rather then wanting to get a thoughtful surprise.
@whatisahandle221 2 жыл бұрын
1) You don’t need to personally match the same emotions & excitement. Recognizing & giving space for _her_ to be excited-and just being happy for her cause & ability to enjoy & share some of her excitement w you & the world is enough. Ie appreciate her for being more excitable about her small victories or special interests (and being understanding & available for comfort, compassion, & appropriate help when unpleasant experiences & emotions hit her hard) is a safe & supportive boundary line in a relationship, I’d think.
@DominiqueKayanna 2 жыл бұрын
thanks Anna for the consistent advice videos. ❤❤
@tatianagonzalez5597 2 жыл бұрын
Don’t ever stop making videos. I love u.
@stella_moi 2 жыл бұрын
Love your videos , always educational and entertaining 🤍🤍🍩🍩
@ArthurTully 2 жыл бұрын
this was also confirmed by a study I read about where they observed couples in a bed and breakfast scenario so essentially if you engage them 66% of time in whatever they interested in your relationship will last
@DTheHAge 2 жыл бұрын
There is missing a very important part. By more than 7 positive interactions to 1 negative interaction, it's also bad. Because the challenge is missing, the possibility to develop the relationship. So every 5-7th time you should bring up a challenge. F.e. "Hey, I didn't like that. Let's work this out.".
@deniserose7328 2 жыл бұрын
This is soooo amazing and informational!!!
@ahamoment773 Жыл бұрын
1/ show interest in your partners 2/ show affection 3/ light things up have fun, 4/ be supoortive/
@Ledluver 2 жыл бұрын
"Most of the time I'm a goblin"🤣 Yes! [But we goblins admittedly have a soft side...sometimes 🤫]
@myronvenero9371 2 жыл бұрын
There are episode(s) of “30 rock” that covered this. When she interacted with Dennis Duffy.
@testing123. 2 жыл бұрын
Love the furniture and camera
@iamgoddessoflove 2 жыл бұрын
How much each of you give and how little each of you take for granted, will determine the success of a relationship. 💙KZfaqr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
@Frankcirque 2 жыл бұрын
There you go positive reinforcements and positive vibes
@TheGardenofEdun 2 жыл бұрын
Father Squarespace bringing us the banging content 🤣🔥
@joshuahall3622 2 жыл бұрын
Love the new backdrop
@aloka_karunathilaka7159 2 жыл бұрын
My little dose of therapy 🙏
@zeruszephuros5419 2 жыл бұрын
Anna is always forever our therapist :3
@iamkateygretchen Жыл бұрын
Go for the gold!
@fortune_roses 2 жыл бұрын
This was informative ♡
@blootheye 2 жыл бұрын
I always love that you incoporate science into your videos. Could you maybe provide us with the names of the studies/ scientists in the description? I would love to read further on some stuff you've uploaded. :)
@amiablehacker 2 жыл бұрын
Read his book, the 7 principles to a successful marriage. The studies are discussed in there.
@miguelangelvilla5453 2 жыл бұрын
I know her as Gloria from big city greens and sasha from amphibia
@Natalie-101 2 жыл бұрын
It's taking all my self control not to anonymously send this email to my parents lmao
@arerayace 2 жыл бұрын
I'm feeling that I know about this when damage has already been done. Is there redemption to those "doomed" relationships? How to make amends...
@sakutaro3musik486 Жыл бұрын
i don´t talk to people that frequently use their phone when we hang out, it´s so rude and boring because it is like talking to a wall
@belikeher429 2 жыл бұрын
Good god that brown glitter top gave me LIFE
@itsdeonlol 2 жыл бұрын
My father Squarespace!!!!!!!!!!
@LexPride700 2 жыл бұрын
I think there's more to it than just more than 5:1 Sadly, it needs to be between 5:1 and 13:1. If there's too little "friction", couples who only agree are slowly getting bored. People-pleasers out there: Ana is right, stand up for yourself, the ratio also has an upper limit
@ireallyreallyhategoogle 2 жыл бұрын
I do all that, but i'm too honest, too direct and i keep making social blinders, result i'm chronically lonely.
@xandermancer 2 жыл бұрын
@xperi3nces 2 жыл бұрын
Great work Anna, I like it✌🏾
@daniellasepulveda280 2 жыл бұрын
I wanna be Anna Akana when I grow up
@sikoo31 2 жыл бұрын
It baffles me that this all isn't obvious to everyone already
@ahhmm5381 2 жыл бұрын
It is
@CoreyMillionaire2029 2 жыл бұрын
Anna, I've first heard of you on Big City Greens and Amphibia. THANK YOU for being there for me. You've help me look forward to the future with both optimism and a 😃! Keep it up!
@tomthinnganbiakoijam7120 2 жыл бұрын
Wow, this is the earliest I've ever got to get😭🎉
@adifferentangle7064 2 жыл бұрын
Ultimately it comes down to respect. Mostly respect of the female towards the male. If the female respects the male, even in the case where things become temporarily negative or neutral, the relationship can stay steadfast until one dies or the world ends. If the female does not respect the male, a long run of 5:1 can be flipped upside down instantly, resulting in years of waste, loss and suffering.
@amiablehacker 2 жыл бұрын
Respect needs to be mutual. I'd have a much harder time respecting my husband if I didn’t feel respected myself.
@dmarsub 2 жыл бұрын
Tha Golden Relatio
@foodgeek320 2 жыл бұрын
Anna, this has been happening on so many of your videos lately - I hear the sound effects for the on-screen graphics that usually show up in your vids, but cannot see the graphics. Do you know why this has been happening? I keep hearing the "DING!" but no accompanying graphic shows on screen when this happens :P
@amiablehacker 2 жыл бұрын
There were no graphics to accompany the "dings". It was just for emphasis.
@foodgeek320 2 жыл бұрын
@@amiablehacker you're wrong, I'm sorry. She's always had on screen graphics for her videos, and she even gestures towards certain parts of the "screen" during her videos, especially when listing things. The sound effect is the same one she's always used to indicate an on-screen graphic appearing. I've watched every single one of her videos, for years - this issue with the graphics not appearing is a recent one.
@paulcampbell9618 2 жыл бұрын
I have enjoyed your thoughts , there is definitely a lot to relationship. It's great to see you figuring out. You honestly look content. It's where joy is found. God bless
@micap1121 6 ай бұрын
I don't believe in doing it consciously. If you have to think about it and make an effort to compliment your partner.. what's that relationship good for?
@coffeeperson1461 2 жыл бұрын
Complimenting people is tough but a good way is behind their back. People seem to get suspicious if you compliment them to their face
@KnightofRevan2424 2 жыл бұрын
Muy bonita Anna, la sigo desde que la vi en una pelicula de Marvel y me enamoro de 1. Grandes cosas le deseo la verdad.
@stevethepaidintern196 2 жыл бұрын
is it just me or is her outro music lowkey a bop??
@Gbaby204 2 жыл бұрын
Man you're beautiful, Anna!! Love from 🇨🇦🇨🇦
@victoriansteam1562 2 жыл бұрын
OK BUT I NEED THAT DRESS OMFG. WHERE CAN I GET IT
@RichardsWorld 2 жыл бұрын
I just had 5 positives in a row. I need to create a negative for her.
@moonrose100 2 жыл бұрын
Imagine getting pulled aside by the researchers and they tell you your relationship I'd one sided and you need to run
@charlotte_z-c4k 2 жыл бұрын
I just hear Sasha...
@Leelz247 2 жыл бұрын
If you’re not ACTUALLY interested in what they have to say, don’t pretend. It’s really easy to tell the difference. They need to know so that they can find someone who IS.
@sladva1234 2 жыл бұрын
For a sec I was like “yo. I wanna use this in my relationship” until I realized my first step is to… actually get in one. Edit: I am now realizing that this also works for friendships and family relationships too
@azmomconnection 2 жыл бұрын
Most of the time I'm a goblin. Lol!!
@joeyertman 2 жыл бұрын
😢
@freedomfightre 2 жыл бұрын
This woman completely skipped over the other end of the Golden ratio!!! Relationship that had too many positive interactions per negative interaction also failed. The relationship became too boring and unfulfilling. The upper end is approx. 11:1 positive to negative. So remember, can't be too negative, but also can't be too positive either. 5-10:1 sweet spot.
@ericmurphy6761 2 жыл бұрын
I guessed the ratio would be 1.618:1.
@theoddtacoo 2 жыл бұрын
Can you please give the link for the article? From where do you source these ?
@ryanciani3324 Ай бұрын
what does a partner have to do with anything?
@kay8x 2 жыл бұрын
5:1 is a lot of work, Anna
@bhaskargautam 2 жыл бұрын
This feeling, this carelessness gives her that moment by which she becomes the owner of more beauty.😊
@akhigbekelvin9163 2 жыл бұрын
Where have you been Anna
@trisciense 2 жыл бұрын
if you are expecting or deserve something out of your relationship, you are doing relationship wrong...
@julianfrazier4815 2 жыл бұрын
Our Father, who art in SquareSpace, 10% be off they name.
@LouisLuzuka 2 жыл бұрын
Notifications gang checking in
@arikiri_698 2 жыл бұрын
I like your shirt
@mykittenisagrandmaster4381 2 жыл бұрын
Hola Miss Akana and everyone ♥️
@tommicat6953 2 жыл бұрын
daddy squarespace 🥵 to father squarespace 😇
@Lenoreific 2 жыл бұрын
Where is the “mad love” jokerxharley song by Anna Akana ? I cant find it on her channel and I wanna give her views and stuff instead of reposted vids by others. I just posted on latest vid, although the subject is maybe not the most related haha. Pls help its stuck in my head randomly
@D2J8 2 жыл бұрын
Great content! Can you post these videos on Instagram & make them shareable?
@jonmeltzer1361 2 жыл бұрын
Gee, Anna, you're talking about my parents, and they were both psychologists!
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