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People not like you for being authentic is genuinely a good feeling. Like a weird masochism because you know it’s at least better than being liked for someone you’re not.

Fear of conflict with parents, now that's a true horror story.

I think a lot of people pleasers were raised by overt and covert narcissists. Their parent/s were easily offended or always wanted agreement and to be right. So any authentic opinions from the child would cause them to be shut down, raged at or even spanked. So they learned to be agreeable little mirrors and then anyone they respect or deem a threat they begin to people please on. Also, passive aggression is the only strategy that worked in these situations where they learned they could only attack the person passively or face the same rage and condemnation which as a child they had no way to avoid. Then as an adult it becomes maladaptive and is really hard to even notice in oneself. Also conflict itself can cause extreme anxiety and even panic attacks. Thank you for your insights and tools you're helping me out so much!!!

OMG I FINALLY DID IT! I stood up for myself at work!!! I spoke my mind pretty much the entire shift, It's all because of your videos. I hope I can keep improving from here. There was a girl who kept talking down to me and ordering me around like a dog, so on my 2nd day of work (which was today) I professionally spoke to her and told her that I don't like when I'm talked down to.

I absolutely need to get better at rejecting people I don’t vibe with. I have a tendency to act nice not to hurt their feelings. Time to step it up 💪

For me, people pleasing in person is literally linked to physical safety because of my past. It’s so uncomfortable but I’m tired of resenting people & being angry with myself. So I’m working towards change 💜

Honesty without kindness is brutality, kindness without honesty is manipulation

The thing I love about julien is that every video has value. Hes not just trying to sell to u. This video just changed my whole mood

I'm pleasing the thumbs up button as we speak.

You explained me to a T! I notice I resent people for acting a way instead of just telling them cause it makes me uncomfortable. Thank you for this, I’ve been learning to bask in the uncomfort but this is one “uncomfort” I really should be basking in!

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

If someone behaves rude to you why you want his acceptance, why you want to stay with him - it's the answer to people pleasing

definitely sums up most of my life...trying to please. I've been doing it so long it's my normality, but I'd never thought of it in this way!

Well I have been abused by my family who conditioned me since childhood that “disobeying people with power & authority” invites retaliation in the form of silent treatment, blame game, sabotage, parents refusing to pay for education if we didn’t study what they told me to study or told me what to wear where to go how to eat. The punishment was endless fighting and screaming at home. I got bullied by my university coordinator who deliberately failed me 3time in a class and delayed the start of my thesis because I voiced my opinion about certain inflammatory topics that were discussed in class. I have never felt more alone and schicken and traumatised by being held ransom from different people. It is clear. Speak up and lose your basic rights and dignity and be lonely. Don’t speak up and continue to suffer till death. Thats how we become a people pleaser. It’s abuse.

Every time you make a video even if you talk About the same subject you always give us some NEW PERSPECTIVE about it THAT is what makes your vids usefull ❤

I know understand the reason why I always feel dismiss with others. Thank you very much for your videos, you're saving me.

This really made me realise things about myself that were before my eyes the whole time. People-pleaser here. Time to change that!

This was probably the most important messages I will hear for a long time. Thanks.

Such a brilliant explanation. I just let go of one of my regular customer today. I told them clearly why I was letting them go (condescending and overbearing). I felt a bit shit letting them know but felt really god for being honest and standing up for myself.

Thank you so much for your content. The fact that we can watch your teachings for free and get some much needed shadow work done, is truly the meaning of “being in service”. May we all find our true selves and slay the monsters in our minds to live a free and harmonious life! Just wanted to send out some gratitude and appreciation for all your content! Can’t wait for you to come to Canada ! 🍃🙏⭐️

Great talk, I gave up trying to make people happy a while ago and much happier for it, gotta hold back sometimes though as some people can't handle the truth

Ever since I came across your page its safe to say youve changed my life. Thank you Julien I am being free from this and it feels good!

I had a big dog that was traumatized. She was the one who gave me the clue about people's pleasing and learned helplessness. I still miss her and I'm still fighting against people's pleasing and over sharing (I was continually controlled by my mother and I over explain each thing I do or say). My dog was always scared about not being liked by other humans except me; she knew she had an unconditional mom and a bodyguard behind 😅

Awesome! Best talk on people pleasing I have seen! 🙌

GREAT piece of information Julien! You rock in this video! thank you very much

Keep doing what you’re doing man! Much love

Broo I love this! I work with my clients on their authenticity thanks to you. Reflections: My favorite people are brutally honest (tend to be similar/same type) BUT my problem is the icy INTJ analysis, I’ve cut too deep with my honesty. I find that framing and being constructive is an important art when you’re real with people. Sensitive people tend to drop off unless they’re open/ready for it by strengthening their self-esteem as well as having a long established rapport.

Julien, thanks for sharing this content. It’s absolutely outstanding. True in-depth analysis of a human, in a funny way that obliterate drama from life.

Need to start taking charge of my life!

Omg just realizing so many parts of myself who ppl please. Thanks Julien for sharing. I will start to live true to myself and authentically. Its true that whenever i am with my friends, i dont feel rlly invited. Know myself with a boring personality. Now i know its because of my ppl pleasing

This is so true Sir

I love your videos, they are helping me

Best video you've ever made

I am honest about myself in a sense where I have a bubbly giddy personality but not towards others when it comes to liking the things that they like. I people please in fear of rejection as well as to get others to like me. I put up with whatever people throw at me, pretending to go along with what they say. Sure there are times where I have spoke my mind about how I have a problem with the person straight to their face. In a job setting where you work in retail, you kind of have to people please in order to get by cause you don't want to break the rules. But I believe there is a way around it and maybe getting dismissive if others want to talk about something that irks you but doing it in a way where your behavior is appropriate. "Like hey I am at work and I am trying to get stuff done that I can't talk to you about this right now." Which they should leave you alone (hopefully). But pretending to like something that they like can make them believe you're all about what they say. It doesn't hurt to be honest about what you believe in, but do it in a way where you know you can get away with it. Sure the person may not like what you have to say but it's better not to mislead them about it.

You must have been a people pleaser at some point because this describes me wayyy too accurately

This is the best video that I have watched this year ! I wonder why many other people don't embrace this concept 🙏

There is no more authentic self left! I've mastered the art of people pleasing by learning how to efficiently read other people's reactions, mimics and tone! It's the best way to survive in life without ever bumping into any problems! I get invited nearly everywhere people always wanna hang out... I HATE IT... I'm always playing a character in any interaction with another person it's draining and I never hated anything more than myself! It doesn't help that I struggle with (on and off severe) depression. I won't ever be happy but there shall not be one person who met me and didn't like (the character I credibly portrayed to them) me... I guess that will be my role till the day I die, since I'm to scared of change 😅

Thanks!

So true, be selfish. Please yourself only.

This is madness! Madness? This! Is! Human relationships!

This talk is amazing

Been doing chores, wasn’t till the very end did I see what he was wearing and I absolutely love it 😂🤩

True I always feel annoyed at myself after people pleasing

I tend to do a lot of people pleasing to people I dont like (and be passive agressive) and then they end up inviting me to something. I do this on purpose but then I sometimes go to the lame persons event even if I dont want to go. To people I actually like im actual kind of real, so thats good. So I can relate to people pleasing being toxic. Its just that I use people I dont like to go to social events I otherwise wouldnt go, because I like experiencing different social settings. In the end it feels like I just shouldnt get bogged down in this though.

Outstanding video✌️

Thank you. Your (free!) service to people has finally (actually quite a few years ago) come to a point of authenticity from your side too, Julien, and it shows. Because these perspectives and wisdoms are actually helpful. You have transcended fake self-help and so let others do too! I needed to hear this, as a life-long people pleaser.

This is me. I just got owned on a project because I was trying to help too much and it backfired. Needed to hear this and need to work on myself. Couldn’t have received this video at a better time. If you have a course I can do to get better send it over. Need to get on this asap

May have to adopt you as my cool, wise older brother Julien

15:18 WOW ..... seriously these last 20 seconds sums up all of junior high for me and what i could never figure out about why no one respected me. just my whole life shattered in an instant :o

Making sure my ex was happy cause I was scared he would be sad, as he was sad a lot. Did a lot of stuff for him so he wouldn't be sad. I didn't want him to be. Then I wouldn't get what I needed back. I would sometimes do things for him in hopes he would do the same for me. Damn it was dumb.

For me it's the fear of hurting the other person.

great video

I can say I have not got in a fight with my best friend in years but its not because I'm a people pleaser but its because we are both in different states and only see each other maybe one time a year but when it comes to my wife I have arguments but we fix them the same day and move on in are relationship it the strongest relationship I have ever had and it feels amazing

Growing up in NJ, I'm not familiar with passive-aggressive. We're very direct on average.

just one word: subscribed

Really Great video! The sacrifice part of this really clicked whit me. So crazy. Thanks Julien

HITS HARD FOR ME

I always notice that the people I meet/know who are actually not very nice tend to be liked by everyone. It’s sad and it makes me feel bitter but it’s true for some valid reason. And it’s something to observe and learn from. Being nice all the time doesn’t even make people like us like we hope it does. A lot of times it makes people dislike us. We would probably be better liked if we were an asshole. That’s been my experience..

I'm glad i watched this video 😊

Good 👍

Going through nice guy crisis 😂

I know some people like conflict... I personally don't.. Because I actually am a very real person and people don't like that... I like peace and quiet and getting along with others... It stresses me out when others start meaningless fights and arguments just for sport... So I choose to be very selective of who I am friends with Not sure if there is a video about... Embracing conflict and actually having fun with it, especially for people who don't like conflict... It's sometimes a full time job... No thanks Will Lookup the book live without fear thanks

I people please, I need this thanks

This is where I get stuck. I feel church makes me a resentful person bc do I have to offer my left cheek after getting slapped on the right? There is an extreme where everything is my fault instead of people who say everything is other people. Where is the balance where it is a win for both you and I?

Nice shirt 😄

Sometimes I feel like I don't resonance with anyone. I mean, it's not like I'm a bed person, people like me, but not more than this. And when I sow my more cringe side, then everyone is going away from me. I feel very lonely.

I love your videos and I only found them yesterday!! I love the way you think and put stuff into words 🤍 I want to try and atleast calm down my social anxiety/hating myself so much and the motivation to do so has come from watching you so thank you!! 😊 I want to finally make my creative writing teacher proud and get back to writing on my journey to becoming a successful author like I've wanted since I was 5!! Also overcoming my social anxiety/getting better with it I know will also make him super happy!! 🤍 Thank you Julien!! 😊🤍

I've seen people pleasers at the highest roles in government, it's not always a dead-end for them. Being authentic is definitely more fun and ultimately rewarding though

Julien, how my OCD affects my inner-self, and if it affects how can I overcome it

Owww that hurts...

Can u post more videos about this topic pls how to stop pleasing people

All true

Here's the thing with people pleasing for me. It's a way to fake effort when you are either too tired to talk and process more information because you've already overloaded yourself that day, or when the story is that boring that you can't help but fake an anwer that isn't: "that's boring". Would saying: "thats boring" lead the conversation moving into another area that might be more interesting? Or does it lead to a slap in the face and rejection? So ... I do take a happy medium approach to all of it for now. But I have to say, all this is making me more aware of the "trick".

Chronic people pleasers tend to also be chronic betrayers.

I dont agree whit evertything, because low self worth leads to people pleaser tendency, so the part of being manipulate, or gettin mad is not always true, the person may feel a lot of guilt and low self value when is bad treated

Wow!

I stopped being a people pleaser when I turned 23 now people just simply don't like me at all since. I am 30 now.

I like the job

My wife needs this guy in her life. She just thinks I'm an asshole for telling her to think of herself once in awhile.

This can be related to social anxiety?

Bomb 💣💯

This was me with my ex, I realize I was toxic...

I don't know how making fun of nice ppl who are concerned about others especially because of childhood trauma and pathetic upbringing is helpful. It is an unconscious survival mechanism trying to get by because you never learned it the right way. It is authentic by the way, because you ARE like that. This guy is not helping insulting ppl that already have had a very rough life. These examples are a joke by the way, nobody talks this silly. Especially not ppl pl, they usually have developped a very high emotional intelligence and are very skillful in their articulation and interacting with others. If dominant, ruthless, ego ppl would be respectful and behave like grown ups, ppl pleasers wouldn't have such a hard time. I only pick lovely, mature ppl to be around and don't have any issues anymore. Toxic ppl in childhood and upbringing is exactly what brings up ppl pleasers. Ppl like this btw. I would completely run away or ignore. With loving, respectful harmony grown ups there is no need to fight all the time and then be proud of it. Tell others your boundaries and ask about theirs and stop being a jerk and be feel better about it. Just treat ppl how you want to be treated. ❤ That is authentic. Not this toxic, narcissistic way treating others below and needing dominance to feel worthy and normal because you are a dopamine junkie. When it comes to real life problems we go to the nice ppl. THAT is manipulation and using others. This guy has it so upside down. Guess it is the only way he found, NOT to be a ppl pl. Sad though. Hope nobody believes this, but looks for healing of childhood trauma and becomes the person they were meant to be without ending up arrogant, toxic and putting others down.

Ask yourself; What is people pleasing protecting me from, what is it stopping me to experience?

Not to be douche here, but in my experience, unfortunately, "authenticity over being nice" will often get you let-go or fired from work. That's a harsh reality. The overwhelming majority of people spend most of their day in a work environment where they can't be authentic or be themselves. You are trading being nice....along with your time....for a paycheck. I suppose someone could then argue the point that "maybe your not in the right job then if you can't be authentic". But really, all professions require a certain amount niceness and kiss-assness in order to be successful, which is often under the guise of "professionalism". I would also appreciate this presentation more if he would take off his sunglasses. I don't care if it's part of his schtick. Unless he has some visionary ailment in which wearing sunglasses indoors helps him somehow, take them off. It's rude to the people who came to see you. I would've asked him to remove his sunglasses before answering any of his questions while doing a presentation-he has valuable information that really helps people, but it's hard to take anything he says seriously based on how he dresses, and the sunglasses don't help. It's just a massive distraction.

Call me crazy but I like being nice to people.

Quick question, is there such thing as being too empathetic?

JULIEN!! I NEED TO KNOW IF U R GOING TO ACTUALLY BE IN LA DECEMBER 8-10 FOR THE WORKSHOP. IM ABOUT TO BUY THE TICKETS JUST SAY THE WORD🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 My take: people pleasing is what causes my resentment and I wrote this edit bc of my people pleasing habit and now if you don’t reply I’m gonna resent you but now I’m scared I said this and you won’t wanna reply now because I’m people pleasing lol

12:01 -12:13 😂😂😂 lool

It's like being an impostor

So this is what happened to Milo

I like the outfit except the gucci

He is dressed like he just pulled an all nighter at the club.

Tell yourself everyday🪞 "you don't give uh fuck" eventually you won't. OR Get rejected everyday Than eventually You won't give a damn What people think

Wtf is his shirt. Did he shop at the dumpster store?

Yes stop people pleasing it destroyed my relationship. His nasty friends decided to break us up LoL and he cowered in the corner hoping they wouldn't attack him. It's disgusting. Where the hell have all the real men gone?

What about when you start a new job though? Don’t you kind of have to kiss ass and act nice so people don’t think your an asshole at first? I always feel like I need to do that when I start new jobs even though I hate the way I’m acting, but they don’t know my character so if I’m myself I think people will think I’m just uninterested? I’ve quit a lot of jobs because i would create a fake persona and then I’d get exhausted having to keep up with it, then I’d quit.

😘❤️👍

Who's this guy wearing dark shades in the building and an over sized Gucci tshirt