"Quiet Quitting" is the professional endgame of Avoiding Confrontation.

I once had a difficult conversation with a manager once for whom I had spent months upon months trying to get on the same page to no avail and talked about how I had noticed a pattern of behavior of him jerking around my assignments and instructions he gave to me then giving me feedback that I was not doing what he asked when I did. I thought it went well and that we both handled it like adults. He then held up a sign in the group meeting the next day that literally said "cut your throat" and he played it off as a joke that he flashed it to someone in traffic. I without skipping a beat replied that is excellent handwriting for driving down the road. This conversation happened 8 years ago, and it still sits in my memory as the most ridiculous conversation I have had in my career. You speak truth to optimism and leadership. Sometimes no managers would be better for organizational health than the managers that exist IRL.

The best raise is a new job.

We appreciate your insights. We look forward to seeing more content like this.

No employee should be surprised when they are fired. Just like, no employer should be surprised when someone quits. When this does happen, it generally comes down to a failure to communicate in situations that are difficult. Denying a truth distorts reality.

I definitely think this is the case, but also, there are employers who don't invest in their employees and when you ask for a raise, they simply give an avoidant answer and say something like "well the market is down so not this year". And that continues for years on end. My partner was faced with this and eventually had to leave because she couldn't sustain herself with the low pay/high workload ratio. In the spirit of balance. Employees need to work harder to become more fluent in these kinds of social skills, but employers aren't off the hook. There are too many that exploit hard workers to maximize the company's spend. Both sides need to make progress.

I quit my last job because I was their only, best option to be management. I had been recommended by every manager who'd left (by that point, four in a year). I had never opwnly expressed interest, but not because I was avoiding conflict but rather because I didn't want the job bad enough to ask for it. I was however exasperated by the idea that the district manager was going to hire a third set of managers from outside without bothering to bring up the idea to the only employee they had left who had been there from open, was older than all of their staff, and was liked and respected by the entire restaurant. I didn't want to work for a company that procedurally couldn't do what was best for it. I expressed this exasperation to a shift lead. I put in my two weeks. I was called in and offered a higher position at one of their other stores, one with a completely different menu and name with zero employees in common. This defeats the purpose: I was their only path to stopping the mass turnover they were experiencing, and they legit couldn't see nor take it. I have worked for too many bad corporate cultures to want to commit to a higher position with a company like that.

You unlocked another valuable perspective! Having difficult conversations and navigating confrontation are skills to cultivate, not traits that are mysteriously bestowed. Because confrontation is fear-inducing, without training, it tends to be combative or non-existent, not positively aggressive. Thank you for decoding and sharing :)

Dear Simon, I totally agree with acknowledging the problem of people just quitting... have we asked ourselves why they quit? Because if the leaders took care of those who work for them, initially this should not have happened in the volume we see. The young generation are not stupid, they experienced and witnessed the employers' abuse and lack of empathy growing up PLUS we got to recognise that technology has been the one enabling what recently has become so popular terms of ghosting and gaslighting!! Technology has removed the human accountability in confrontation situations and fed the lack of connection at a deeper level as human beings. Better connected?? Not at all, we are more disconnected than ever before. If we slow down and ponder and reflect on the impact of technology in human beings... we all agree it has contributed to the deterioration of people and communication at deeper level, dont get me started with accountability... none. A leader is to be a good example and take care of those working for the company. I am taking you up on your own word about leadership... perhaps we got to educate leaders and CEO's... so the youth have good example and inspiration that allows them to thrive and grow as great contributors to our society ❤

that works perfectly assuming that the confronter and the person being confronted are 2 agreeable individuals who are having a civilized conversation. However, when the person being confronted has narcissistic traits it's a guarantee that this frank direct conversation/confrontation is going to either backfire or be weaponized later..... no positive change will ever result from confronting a narc.

When you can respectfully advocate for yourself by communicating your needs and wants to your employer you may be surprised with how receptive many of them are to working with you.✨ Confidence, knowing your worth and effective communication and listening are all strong assets to a company and when an employer can see you effectively implementing them in an effort to get your needs met they typically appreciate, respect and reward you in return for being genuine, open, honest and forthcoming. 💛 Great clip Simon🙌 So many problems in this world could be resolved if more people were willing and able to come together and have healthy and mature conversations.✨

It's true, I prefer to avoid conflict with some partners, but in the end, there is some point where I need to have a hard talk, so, I started to not avoid the conflict since the beginning.

Thank you Simon. What you say makes so much sense. And it can be applied to alot of different situations. Thanks from down under.

Thank you Simon. Your speaking relevant truth and im happy to have learned there is this phenomena and I could be doing it

Thank you, Simon

Thank you Simon❤

Hi Simon, thanks for sharing this insight, it is a common true and it's an important skill to develop in today's companies. I think it's important to mention that it also happens in the other way around, I mean there are leaders or bosses who have a "difficult person" or a person who they don't feel much connected in their teams and they avoid confrontation with these persons, ghosting them, avoiding conversations, and finally firing them.

Thank you for the video, makes sense to me! Just wondering if you would post other videos/content teaching these skills to deal with uncomfortable conversations/situations? Thank you so much! And Wish you all the best!

Very much needed .

That was me, I quit so many jobs in my 20s!! I was so bad at walking out or giving in my resignation they wouldn't even accept my resignation anymore hahaha!!!! It's hard but it's a must!

Most of the time, the way to get a raise is to get another job.

Exactly why I left my dream job after 10 years because of upper management that didn't want to address confrontation amongst my team with a new coworker.

Superrrb Awesome Fantastic video

I have also worked for a number of companies, where, when I initiate the conversation about a raise or some sort of accommodation, it gets blocked by some sort of "corporate structure". As if your manager and their superiors are the ones who tell you "Yeah im just doing what IM told, and I don't think we can help you." either that or they are some sort of gate keeper. It's a bit of a frustrating conversation, but ultimately, when im put in that position, I let them know that if the company doesn't seem interested in giving me a raise or even having a discussion, im not sure how much longer il stay. Before that time, I absolutely was afraid of confronting my superiors about anything.

Hello Simon, as an individual, what do you do to keep track of these core principles in a day to day basis? As there's so much, It's overwhelming to myself. How would you simplify this process?

I once did with all the qualitative and quantitative data on the value I brought to the table and the bosses chose to sit on it and stay mum, let alone responding to my ask. And, then the obvious happened - I walked away. Not only the ask didn't get responded to, but also it was disrespectful to have absolutely no response. So go prepared what the best and worst outcome would be.

About infinite games, how can managers keep track of the teams accomplishments? I mean, altough the companies' success is infinite, managers have to have indicators and metrics right? Maybe they're missing some important ones, or just need the why on the results, but I'm interested in your thoughts on that

❤

Where do I go to learn the skills? I find confrontation very difficult

So, in order to practice this, why don't we have a meeting, so I can ask you to hire me to write for you?😉

"Teach your kids". Too late. Almost 35yrs old. Parents failed me😐

Often by the time there is a need for confrontation, the damage is already done (and both parties see it coming). Hard hearts aren't easy to open. Sometimes walking away is the only option and confrontation can only leading to venting steam at unchangeable circumstances. It's not possible to communicate something meaningful in a conversation. The best answer is practical solutions to practical problems and nobody will look at the facts, to discuss what those practical solutions might even be. Everybody knows that time's running out, so if the math doesn't add up, why wait to hear out the other guy?

I don’t believe in confrontation style it comes off as accusatory and unsolvable . People need to meet you where you are and connect at human level but if someone gives you cross eyes 👀 looks or any sort of slogans in demeaning ways it will only make other person avoid. How many times have we been wrong or had misinformed information? Probably many times but in our head we come with notion of confronting a person in front of us instead of listening when they miss big pieces of puzzle so to speak. Empathy is key to any communication not confrontation. This style of communication have been proven to work best both in clinical and personal relationship settings. We have an amazing CEO who comes from place of such mindset and we have high respect and regard for him for that matter. So both employers and employees need to come from place of empathy instead of judgment which often times are wrong.

Or maybe it's because some of these individuals feel like they are not being listened to

My employer forbids conflict of any kind. All employers forbid conflict. There is no "constructive conflict". If you create conflict, YOU ARE FIRED.

Hmmm, Simon hasn't worked in the health care sector (non administration). The only way for a RN to get a significant raise is to apply for a different job and move to another company. Otherwise, our raises are maybe 10 cents? 50 cents? They hand out "meets expectations" no matter your performance. New grads get hired at the same rate as a RN with 10 yrs of experience.

guilty. I have left work environments, because of toxicity of a work and team culture

What is the advice for the inverse of this? Our company offers and continues to create new incentives to boost pay based on performance (work hard to gain for the company and get monetary compensation), we have an incredible company culture, celebrations of every aspect of achievement, etc... but, the employees don't want to achieve for their money (we even have bonuses for customer service, not just sales!) , they continue asking for a bigger base wage while they spend every down moment with their phones in hand watcing TikTok videos. If approached with this as an unaccaptable work ethic, the just quit because they want more money to do less as though it is owed to them for allowing us to employ them. This ranges from entry level to middle management- "we want more to do less", how do you approach that conversation without losing every member of the team and not having staff to run the business?

S/S. Grow is four letter word-avoid sir ! Better to die trying instead of never to attempted any progress at all mista ? V

Simon I noticed that young people are quitting because of not being seen,and not being treated properly. . Our youth today or completely opposed to older people yelling at them, speaking down to them and being disrespectful. . It’s shocking too many that no one wants to address that part. . We all want to blame the youth , I say blame the company structure, who can have a conversation with someone who is being mean to you, or showing favoritism. Truth is in companies where the conversion rate is high -it’s due to bad management, and hostile culture. . Young people want to work for companies that respect them and they want to work in a culture where they feel safe, comfortable to be themselves, respected and where they can grow. . The real conversation is how to get these companies to create a safe culture that actually is attractive to young people.l and support and respect them as individuals and appreciate and respect what they bring to the table.

An aversion to confrontation is not a characteristic that should be generalized and broadly applied on a generational basis. Individuals, regardless of age, who struggle with confrontation more often than not were reared in an environment where disagreements, arguments, etc. were either not handled in a healthy manner or did not exist at all. I think understand the point that was trying to be made but it was presented in an insensitive manner.

I appreciate this perspective, but it fails to consider that young people are terrified of retribution for simply asking, and rightly so. They’re afraid that their boss will not only say no, but also because they asked, they will be resented and punished by the people they work for.

It’s not that simple.

How about having the uncomfortable conversations with employees on how they should focus on serving the customer instead of serving themselves?

I totally disagree, the environment we are living in, is if you are not happy just quit even if you have the skills and you speak loudly. Yes I do agree management will say good words in meetings and newsletters but in reality if you are not happy just quit.

I cut the whiskers off a lion when I was 14 years old. I think my fear of people died that day.