The real reason modern parenting is so hard | Nichola Raihani

The real reason modern parenting is so hard | Nichola Raihani | TEDxManchester

Рет қаралды 56,924

Күн бұрын

Since the dawn of humans we have been parenting. And yet despite all our advancement parenting seems as difficult and stressful as its ever been. What’s going on here? Is modern parenting based on assumptions of a an ideal family model that is fundamentally broken or outdated? Nichola Raihani will talk on how the global pandemic has laid bare the shortcomings on how we think about parenting in the modern age. Nichola Raihani is a Royal Society University Research Fellow and Professor in Evolution and Behaviour at UCL. Her group’s research focuses on the evolution of social behaviour in humans and non-human species.
She has been widely published in scientific journals, won the 2018 Philip Leverhulme Prize in Psychology for her research achievements, and was elected Fellow of the Royal Society of Biology in 2018. She was the recipient of the 2021 Humanist Society’s Voltaire Medal.
In 2021, Nichola’s first book, The Social Instinct: How Cooperation Saved the World, was published by Penguin. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
#mothersday

Пікірлер: 129

@aw3855 2 жыл бұрын

Modern parenting is so hard because we’re expected to work like we don’t have kids and raise our kids as if we don’t need to work. Not to mention if your “village” is more than one person (who is usually busy or working themselves) consider yourself very, very, very lucky.

@296jacqi 2 жыл бұрын

Well said.

@minniesimmonsmoody4761 2 жыл бұрын

And they want to stop planned parenthood 🤯

@mikek7660 2 жыл бұрын

This is absolutely the issue

@janee166 2 жыл бұрын

Wow, so well said:)

@southwesttransport4753 2 жыл бұрын

“…to accept help with raising our off-spring.” I agree with the extended family aspect. I would like that more for my family. But, young children raised 9 hrs a day by a rotating staff is not the same as being raised by grandparents. The devaluing of the dollar is making the situation untenable. Father working two jobs. Then the mother starts to work…Just having our kids at school so many hours each day is a problem. It is peers raising peers. New parents poorly raised by their peers and occasionally their parents. The skills of parenting are disappearing with every generation.

@BLKwong 2 жыл бұрын

Other factors that make Western parenting more difficult today: (a) Degradation in work-life balance where now both parents need to work long hours. (b) Increased work pressures to travel away from where the nuclear family live, or move away from where other extended family members live (eg. Grandparents). (c) Increased expectations that governments or companies should provide childcare, forgetting that paid childcare staff are not a substitute for family nurturing. (d) while some parents still cope well with parenting duties, due to the above reasons, there has been an overall weakening of the bonds between nuclear family members and also extended family members.

@MasterMohitKumar 2 жыл бұрын

You explained it very well. ✌

@KellysMagicalRealm 2 жыл бұрын

Technology is an issue! Kids are so distracted by televisions, phones, computers, Instagram, I mean need I say more? Modern day life is too fast past! We rush to work, to get home, to be with our kids. It’s like our life is on fast forward! Too much pressure is placed on people.

@knowfeedleadthesheep2285 2 жыл бұрын

JESUS

@elisabettabubola4927 2 жыл бұрын

You are definetely right !

@realnapster1522 Жыл бұрын

Capitalism…

@mohtadytamer2025 2 жыл бұрын

I'm a student in the university and taking care of my little brother it's so stressful but I believe that God is helping me every single day 🙏🌸

@faridbouakline2862 2 жыл бұрын

Good luck. This will paying off...one way or another

@mohtadytamer2025 2 жыл бұрын

@@faridbouakline2862 Thank you 💙

@296jacqi 2 жыл бұрын

I have 3 kids. Love and adore them. But I can definitely see why so many adults chose not to become parents, and those numbers are growing.

@chrishart8548 2 жыл бұрын

I have one I wish I had zero really it's not working out well. We still don't feel like parents.

@jovialneha 2 жыл бұрын

We are cooperative breeders one of the best thing i heard today. Thank you💐 each and every word made sense and indeed invoked us too think once again ♥️♥️

@farmoboy83 2 жыл бұрын

I say that I met God watching my daughter growing. 4years old and all the beauty, goodness and purety of makind is on that little girl. Proof that we all used to be perfect. Being a parent is tough but iis my priority and duty. Work brings anxiety and emptiness but being with our kids is at least for me a perfect way to spend my time and a joy . I don't have expectations, I just enjoy the journey and try to pass her my love for life, respect for others. Most prefer career, money and social validity.

@keiththomas3719 2 жыл бұрын

As parents bringing up our children we learn to be parents,just as children growing up they teach to be better parents 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

@genevievenguyen7861 2 жыл бұрын

In Asia grandparents, uncle and aunts and other relatives also join hands in raising a child. As someone without the presence of a father since very young, I didn't feel so bad. Although a bit abandoned because my mother is a career woman.

@tmaffeo 2 жыл бұрын

My husband and I are very much helping to raise our 2 beautiful grandchildren . Our daughter doesn’t have the ideal husband so we try as much as we can to help her . Family is a beautiful thing ! 🌻🌻🌻

@Thinkpositivebepositive1 2 жыл бұрын

A male parent here staying 24/7 with my baby… just imagine it! Easy? NO worth it? YES

@kingwillie206 2 жыл бұрын

That is hard work! Just make sure you stay active and go on runs with your baby or ride them around on a bike or something. You can fall into depression staying inside with the baby too much.

@Thinkpositivebepositive1 2 жыл бұрын

@@kingwillie206 i have a lot of patience but is weighing a lot on me!🥲 yes i go out twice with her, she likes it and sleep on her stroller! It’s a long way… god gave us strength!

@kingwillie206 2 жыл бұрын

@@Thinkpositivebepositive1 - I found ways to incorporate my daughter into my workout routines and she loved it. When she got big enough I would let her sit on my back while I did push-ups. She’s 27 now and I had to raise her alone for a while while her Mother was in Germany. Needless to say I quickly gained a lot of respect for stay at home Mothers! Never again did I mention how hard I had to work outside of the house to make ends meet.

@georgioskoulouris5672 2 жыл бұрын

000

@deedeereynolds7938 2 жыл бұрын

Being a *good* parent is hard work. And sometimes it's exhausting.

@lotusleila5281 2 жыл бұрын

Sometimes??! :)

@deedeereynolds7938 2 жыл бұрын

@@lotusleila5281 today it's VERY exhausting 😆

@unviajeverde2619 2 жыл бұрын

Reasons why parenting is hard: 1. Technology 2. Excessive pleasure everywhere, food, p0rn, phone, tv, etc 3. Media control

@Vikingbiznitch 2 жыл бұрын

All of that pompous noise just to say, America's ideal family is flawed because parenting is easier when you live with extended family. The rest of the world already knows this btw...

@realnapster1522 Жыл бұрын

@@Vikingbiznitch right. Tired of pompous American Ted talks.

@405OKCShiningOn 2 жыл бұрын

Happy mother's day!

@nicks3521 2 жыл бұрын

I don't want to be a parent. That news was a bit rough on the kids.

@afzalhossain3470 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks a lot

@knowfeedleadthesheep2285 2 жыл бұрын

Matthew 16:26 For even if you were to gain all the wealth and power of this ... It is worthless to have the whole world if they lose their souls. ... For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world [wealth, fame, success], ...

@rickkrockstar 2 жыл бұрын

THANK GOD, THE GREAT APES DIDN'T HAVE SOCIAL MEDIA.

@Vikingbiznitch 2 жыл бұрын

Humans ARE great apes.

@themanwithallthewrongopini3551 2 жыл бұрын

They also happened to die trying to scavenge the wrong plants

@tentanghukumkita6381 2 жыл бұрын

The real reason modern parenting is so hard Thank you for explanation, very good.

@Ac-fk4uj 2 жыл бұрын

🗣IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD

@selmasuleyman9966 2 жыл бұрын

I THOUGHT IT SAID PAINTING 🤦‍♀️

@pradorocks25 2 жыл бұрын

On the occasion of mothers day, I'm reminded of an episode during my teens. I used to go for early morning tuitions daily. One day as usual i woke up brushed my teeth and drank a cup of water to start off my day. My mother came smiling to me. Before i could even think why she was smiling at me she lifted her hand and spanked me hard on my bum. She punished me for a mistake i did a few months ago but was waiting for the right time to spank me. My butts were on fire. I found it hard to cycle to tuition since cycling requires constant pedalling. The more i pedalled the more my buttocks stung. I had to stop at times to soothe my bum and then resume cycling.

@nancyneyedly4587 Жыл бұрын

Your mother doesn't deserve you. People who hit their children are broken. You hopefully have had and will have a happy life knowing that there isn't anything wrong with you, and you are strong.

@sarita3337 2 жыл бұрын

Extended families are VITAL, but we are too focused on being as independent and separated as possible. This is wrong and stressful.

@realnapster1522 Жыл бұрын

Only American and Europeans. Rest of world still relies on extended family.

@skhembok5585 2 жыл бұрын

Keep uploading

@Englishwithminhaj 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for share this. Love from Bangladesh.

@jesusinassam2758 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for Sharing this 🙏 Love from Assam

@PkmnMasterHolly 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you to all the loving, caring, supportive parents out there!!!!!

@edwin5419 2 жыл бұрын

School, child care & sport teams are part of how we parent as a village today. Very few people are actually raising their kids alone, even if grandparents, aunts & uncles aren't around.

@PerfectPetProductions 2 жыл бұрын

Maybe this parenting change to without the extended familys help is responseable for the explosion in narcissism and other personality disorders.

@vinniagustine3048 Жыл бұрын

It’s thought when you and your partner didn’t match and it’s also doesn’t work on parenting😂😢

@maratissholikhah9886 2 жыл бұрын

Nuclear family only recently growing.. maybe it's time to reconsider the community we want our children growing with? Or into?

@RosalieElnekave 2 жыл бұрын

very nice

@livipup 2 жыл бұрын

I'm convinced. Nationalize daycare and increase school budgets.

@NajwaLaylah Жыл бұрын

Daycare is no fit substitute for a fit relative.

@knowfeedleadthesheep2285 2 жыл бұрын

JESUS I TRUST IN YOU

@KWizard__ 2 жыл бұрын

Everything takes effort. It's life.

@rexbk09 2 жыл бұрын

Blue collar wise, its all the same with a lot of co-workers treating others just like grown children with responsibilities. Could be an "Alpha perspective", the "hierarchy" for workplace titles as to individual people. The lack of knowledge or "social skills" hampers progress in factories , the turn over is ridiculous... I mention this without watching the video first. Kids need to learn on their own, and the lack of social skills, could be the fork in the road. At 13-25 years old, people need to develop the skills to prove working with one another is a good thing, that we need one another in all circumstances for progress... I understand this is about parenting, and the skills/mind-set never leaves a person that gets the role/responsibilities. And definitely has a way for others to impersonate without the practice... Knowledge again and again is a beautiful phenomenon, and should not be wasted... , Love you all

@GIBBO4182 2 жыл бұрын

“Being a mother is the hardest job in the world” love that bit by Bill Burr

@faridbouakline2862 2 жыл бұрын

@@P.90.603 I believe this is Bill Burr's point right after this statement. If you haven't, watched it. It's worth the time wasted

@fruehlingsbotin 2 жыл бұрын

@@P.90.603 funny. i'm a software developer and we used to joke that i'm going on vacation every time i went off to work (once a week). of course there are jobs that are more dangerous or that are physically more demanding and you could say that makes them harder but let me just tell you what parenting meant for me: max 5 hours of sleep for 20 months with my first child. after those 20 months i got my second and got max 3h of sleep each night for 1,5 years. and all that while coping with the aftermaths of birth and the problems of breastfeeding (bleeding nipples and extreme pain). having kids is mostly a mental challenge. almost no time for yourself. going somewhere with kids to relax is never relaxing (restaurant, vacation, visiting friends, ...). you're always responsible and your mind is never at ease.

@fruehlingsbotin 2 жыл бұрын

@@P.90.603 please tell me, are you male or female and do you have kids?

@SpirusFilms 2 жыл бұрын

They don't say "it takes a village" for nothing!

@amadeusepisodes 2 жыл бұрын

Parenting is a privilege that is not respected by many, especially today, discipline and guidance have been replaced with compromising and friendship which is not parenting. What you build is what you will live in, doing the right thing is the wrong thing today.

@WithChrist7 2 жыл бұрын

Yup, you got parent's having there kids break there own xbox or tablets screwing them up more because it's the parents fault all they need is a routine allocate so much time and that's it pretty simple not the kids fault there not being shown disciplined.

@mauromatos3124 2 жыл бұрын

Man, I agree 1000%. I'm completely exhausted and my marriage is on the rocks. Wife and I don't see parenting the same way.

@chelocastellano5074 2 жыл бұрын

1aa

@chelocastellano5074 2 жыл бұрын

@marks7321 2 ай бұрын

How was this cleared for TED? The only times fathers are mentioned are in the context of either being economic providers (bad) or being stay-at-home caregivers (which bad white men think is bad, so good probably?). Came here as a father seeking help and guidance. What I got was more, “Your problems don’t matter.”

@clearaswater4424 2 жыл бұрын

So having help makes it easier

@mauromatos3124 2 жыл бұрын

My wife and I have been havin huge issues about our moms being around when our second child is born. Wife thinks only we should spend the first few weeks with new born to bond. Hardest thing to deal with.

@kingwillie206 2 жыл бұрын

No sir! You need your Mothers to do their jobs and pass on their knowledge before they leave this Earth. Your wife is being possessive.

@leilahaha1016 2 жыл бұрын

I would definitely recommend it. They can help with household and cooking and grocery shopping while you can bond with the baby. She's probably worried about the grandmas trying to tell her what to do with the baby and how to do it. However it's actually the opposite. She'll be able to focus on the baby and herself (healing, sleeping etc.) and adapt to motherhood slowly. It will be helpful for your relationship too because it takes away a lot of the stress.

@donleythelusma321 2 жыл бұрын

First Comment💯❤️❤️❤️

@devilror5295 2 жыл бұрын

that's your prize 🖕🏿🖕🏿🖕🏿

@kingwillie206 2 жыл бұрын

Video games and the internet.

@ghostfifth 2 жыл бұрын

Video games? Not every corporation trying to grab ahold of your kids mind?

@kingwillie206 2 жыл бұрын

@@ghostfifth - Aren’t video games part of that equation? The last time I checked Sony and Microsoft were “major corporations.”

@cjdflkj 2 жыл бұрын

I don’t think it’s games and media in the sense that if we took it away the problem would be solved. People are too bossy, too into eachother’s business, tattle tales, safety Sally’s and Sam’s. If we take away games, it has to be replaced with something, outside play without some freak panicking over everything. Let kids play.

@kingwillie206 2 жыл бұрын

@@cjdflkj - First it was the television and countless commercials. Then gaming became an addiction for millions of children and it does need to be managed. I have been around long enough to see it’s progression and negative impact. When I was a kid we spent time outside and stayed active. Now kids are fatter and lazier than ever. When the internet was added on top of it things really spiraled out of control and of course major corporations were behind all of it.

@karlhoffman4676 2 жыл бұрын

Parents are stressed because most don't want to be a parent.

@BJ-zd2or 2 жыл бұрын

Most dont get the chance of having a relationship. Let alone be ing a parent that ends relationships.

@rashim 2 жыл бұрын

That's not always true, parenting is stressful for everyone

@ddennis2430 2 жыл бұрын

People are having kids with people they don't even love, and then gotta raise it on their own. And then they buy their 5 year old a cell phone and wonder why their kids are messed up

@SheShineBright 2 жыл бұрын

@@rashim I agree. I have a hands on, Supportive husband and its still hard. Its not easy for anyone when your giving of yourself 24/7 ... Neglecting your self at times. Grateful for our babies though.

@jillianbelan8946 2 жыл бұрын

You sound like David Attenborough talking about a strange species 🤣

@trehanero 2 жыл бұрын

The most mysterious...

@donleythelusma321 2 жыл бұрын

5th Views❤️❤️

@racenuke Жыл бұрын

One problem with your theory is it’s based on a fictitious world view: Evolution.

@goldmother2238 2 жыл бұрын

Maybe we are like our closest relatives...chimpanzees and bonobos. With the advent of communication through language, this might have changed???

@weltraumaffe4155 2 жыл бұрын

Asinine theory contrived to support a political worldview. Parents means women.

@justinlowe5678 7 ай бұрын

I’m sick of Kelsey and mahomes being the ad before video

@Abby-ll5yw 2 жыл бұрын

People are crazy to have kids

@youssefzilinski2895 2 жыл бұрын

Our existence is the main problem

@Redberd36 2 жыл бұрын

Deep lol.

@safapresley 2 жыл бұрын

Dead people don't have problems

@Makesensa1530 2 жыл бұрын

Because it’s not real logic. What is modern?. Modified teaching not for the baby smh

@InvestBetter. 2 жыл бұрын

What pretentious BS! Like parenting hasn't been hard since the dawn of time? You make it harder on yourself when you treat kids like adults, and they get no discipline

@cammiex7238 2 жыл бұрын

Could you expand on treating kids like adults.. Do you mean like expecting them to do things like the dishes or cleaning, having them contribute financially? Or do you mean treating them like people?

@eymed2023 2 жыл бұрын

The kids of 400 B. C. didn't get any discipline either. That's why they were such tyrants. Or at least that's what the old folks at the time said. Strange, huh?

@knowfeedleadthesheep2285 2 жыл бұрын

With Jesus we can assure you as a parent of more children