When I started setting boundaries with friends and family. All of a sudden I was labeled a difficult person because they couldnt take advantage of me. I felt better about myself when I said no.

Soon as I realized there is someone who will never leave nor betray me, I became confident and stronger. It was total peace and freedom! That person is me 🙂.

Boundaries are attractive. People don't marry nice people. They marry people with strong boundaries, unless they are a narcissist. Narcissists love people pleasers. Have strong boundaries, it is more attractive.

You give people an inch they take a mile. I always set healthy boundaries to protect myself from manipulation.

Toxic niceness is a real thing. You give and give and give at the expense of your time, comfort and happiness to people who are never satisfied, and at the end of the day, everyone is miserable! If everyone is going to be unhappy in spite of your efforts, you have an obligation to do what's best for you. Self concern is not selfishness and selflessness is only wonderful when gifted to those who deserve it. I've spent years trying to unlearn being a total people pleaser by practicing the art of saying NO, sometimes even when I wanted to say yes. I'm sooooo happy now and so is everyone around me because I'm not the resentful, angry, overwhelmed, unappreciated person that I used to be. I love and respect myself and others enough to say no...no explanation, excuses or approval necessary.

If you were bullied as a child, you are more likely to be unreasonably nice.

Thanks for this advice! My niceness has left me poor, depressed, lonely, and sick! I am 73 and finally ready to say YES to myself! We can't love others until we love ourselves.

There's a huge difference between being nice and being a door mat.

"People who are EVOLVED can speak the TRUTH." So many quotes in this video! "Want to be nice? Be nicer to yourself."

"YOU can only LOVE someone to the degree that YOU love yourself." MIC DROP

Don't be nice, I have been disrespected by so many people in my life as a result of my boring niceness.

There are people who get pleasure rejecting people. No one admits it.

As soon as I had enough and stopped accepting any bullshit, that’s when the dates dried up. Shows you just how predatory the dating world is.

Why justify yourself when saying no ? It just opens the door to negociation and crossing of bounderies. "No" is a complete sentence in itself.

When I started setting boundaries and saying “no” everything changed. People wanted to actually spend time with me and get to know the real me. I gained more recognition as well as respect. I learned to keep my mouth shut from saying every opinion because I knew it didn’t matter what I said-people couldn’t relate to it nor did they want to. It’s interesting how people talk about losing friends doing this, but I experienced the exact opposite.

I grew up with very strict parents and I was bullied all up till high school. Everyone I've dated has taken advantage of me and complained that I'm too nice. It's difficult to say no and stand my ground, but I'm committed to it! I want to put myself first for once.

My ex ignored me. He taught my kids to ignore me. I remember saying so much " What part of NO do you not understand; The N or the O?" After 22 years I left. I'm 100% better off without the negativity that was literally killing me.

" NO " is the most the important word in any language. When you get comfortable saying "NO" you will be more comfortable, & in control of your life !

I put my ex's wants and needs and feelings first for 9 years and then I wondered why he put me 2nd when it was me putting me 2nd so I finally walked away after 9 years and I'm happier now.

I do think some people enjoy rejecting others. They are called narcissists.

*If you are reading this, never ever give up. We will succeed. I'm cheering for you!* Have a great day! 🖤

When I started to set boundaries, my classmates and peers started losing power once they realized they couldn't take advantage of me anymore.

From today I will stop making people takes advantage from me .

Its a line I must remember..."Thanks for sharing". It takes away the power to hurt you. 😊

OMG,wish I had heard this many years ago,would have saved me from so much BS i experienced.But never too late to learn.

People mistaken our kindness as a weakness

"Till you can say no, yes has no meaning" oh my God this really hit me

Being nice is someone’s judgement. It’s nothing but a perception. Being in integrity is where the true power is. It prevents manipulation by others and it’s the only way to success

I've been the nice girl since my childhood...until the noment i changed because i got diagnosed with depressions and i had to start thinking about me and my mental health...i lost so many so called friend's but im happy and the friend's who stayed with me are also there for me when i need them the same way I'm for them...I'm polite and friendly but I also put myself and my little girl above anyone else...self-love and self-respect are so important

All people and especially kids need this kind of self-respect training on thought process.

Saying No i found is one of the most difficult things yet one of the most important ones to learn. I wish someone thought me this years ago. When you know plp are manipulating you but you still feel guilty saying NO, you really need professional help!

I was bullied at school. I thought they were having fun all the time, and I needed years to realise that the boy who bullied me the most was actually so unhappy. Now he lives abroad and is someone who thinks Hitler was the best thing that ever happened to this world...... Thank you Marisa! ❤️🍀💯🎉🐦

I find it out later, but better late than never. Thank you MP, for reminding me 🙏🏻. I’ve stopped being nice to the wrong ppl, I just decided that I don’t need their bad energies. I AM ENOUGH. ❤️❤️

You're right. I was SO nice to my former neighbors, giving them things all the time. Did it make them like me? No. I've recently moved, and have learned my lesson. I won't be mean or unkind, but I just won't be so freaking NICE! 💁🏼

I just realized I don't have much self love because I always put others needs first....ALWAYS. I'm learning daily how to make myself happy.

Your voice alone is so soothing and healing to me 🙏🏿

One thing I learned to do is what I call the 'velvet no'. Thank you so much for asking me, but I'm going to decline.' My first breakthrough was deferring: "Let me think about it and get back to you if I decide I'm interested (or decide I can help you, etc.). If you don't hear from me by tomorrow, you'll know I'm not going to participate.

I am a doctor and my people pleasing disorder has effected me to such an extent that I feel like I have no use in life if even one of my patients mistreat me...and as people in healthcare know patients who are in pain often act out. So I spend days questioning my own self worth. Going therapy now but it still happens all the time.

I'm definitely guilty of being too nice. Although I am getting better at being myself and standing up for my rights. I still have a long way to go. Thank you so much for the great advice!!

I love when you refer to little baby’s ..you’re so right about them they are honest. We need to be more like baby’s. Seriously self preservation starts with saying no and feeling good about self love and care💕

The number of views in just 8 hours shows people wanted to listen to this 👍

I enjoyed this video and LEARNED SO MUCH!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me the push to FINALLY stop the YEARS of people-pleasing I have been doing. I'm a 63 young at heart wife/mom/daughter/sister who is exhausted from family situations. "Don't worry. Terry will take care of it," will be answered with, "Nah, today isn't a good day for that," etc. Big hug from Louisiana, USA!

I'm really through with most people. I get shunned by everyone. I'm tired of being caring and nice. I only trust a few.

The word..... NO.... Is a complete sentence . It's the most powerful word in our vocabulary.

I absolutely love Marissa Peer. She is full of wisdom. I wish I could afford her hypnotherapy sessions

I’ve bagged niceness for good. My only regret was that i didn’t do it 30 years earlier.

Amen! Change your beginning not your ending.: break the cycle

I told someone no, at work for putting in the pot for someones birthday because I don't know the person and I can't even eat the cake because I have celiacs and they looked at me crazy. lol Uh, no one at that job cared about me anyway and I'm expected to offer up money for people who don't even know who I am? No, Being nice is no longer it for me,

I have been having trouble not feeling guilty about putting myself first, this is great reassurance that I do not have to feel guilty for that !

Your feelings are the most real thing you have. Great reminder.

Being polite, well mannered, compassionate and helpful comes naturally for most people. I had to learn to say no and set boundaries. It feels much better

This is so really good.🌺 I personally wouldn’t say ‘thank you’ or ‘I’m sorry’ while setting healthy boundaries. There’s something about saying that before or after setting a boundary that seems disingenuous. I had such an abusive background, from a little girl - people seemed to take advantage of my kindness. So I learned to be a pleaser. So Ive learned to cherish and honor my kindness by first modeling kindness for myself because I deserve to be kind to myself. Much love to everyone!🙏🏽😇

Such an important lesson and so eloquently expressed by the lovely Marisa. I think that many of us as children were taught we needed to be pleasers and put others needs before our own in order to be loved or liked and accepted. The most damaging outcome was that no matter how hard we tried, there was always something we did wrong or not well enough and the acceptance and love was never to be achieved. We can go through life feeling empty, sad and depressed without realizing where these feelings are coming from.

I am a victim of a strong African beleive. I have been used but today, I am going to love myself more and more! Thank you my sister from a different lace Amen. Much love your way from Africa. Mwhaaaaaah

Only recently I've realised how true this is. I have never deliberately been a needy people pleaser; however, I have the issue of a hyper-sensitive - quite likely narcissistic - mother, and subsequently had gotten into relationships with women with similar dispositions. The problem is that I cannot ever openly feel negative emotions around my mother (& couldn't around said girlfriends either) without her taking them personally; if I'm ever angry, she accuses me of being angry at her, if I am frustrated, she feels persecuted & assumes I'm blaming her, no matter how obvious it may be that the problem is with someone else. When she makes me legitimately angry at her by her behaviour, she then takes that anger as proof of her initial paranoia. Consequently, I have developed a tendency to hide any negativity, no matter how minor, and that makes me come across to others as fake & insincere, and like any positivity is merely a front; it's a bit like trying to "restore" a painting by simply cutting-out the damaged parts, even if someone who views it doesn't know what's missing, they can see the holes and that the image is damaged & incomplete. As I wasn't doing it deliberately, I was genuinely confused for an embarrassingly long time as to why everyone around me (except for long-standing friends I am naturally more relaxed around) seemed to be so uncomfortable in my presence, but I see now how I would come across to others; as I said, fake & insincere, despite that sincerely not being my intent in any way.

Just stumbled across this video and listened through and I am so grateful this crossed my path. 😊💕🌈

Saved this under “Motivation”! Loving yourself means saying no sometimes....No to them and Yes 🙌🏻 to you!

I have learned in the hardest way!!! Today I’m stand up to myself

Thanks all of you..all the comments are immensely helpful too. And l have been wondering all these years what l have been doing wrong by being nice .....

Sometimes you gotta love harder. Love is our identity. Love can stand alone. Bless you

I’ve been thought this a lot lately. I am a very reserved person, and it’s difficult for me to establish friendships. Also because I have some trust issues. But lately I really tried to expose myself more. And it’s being so disappointing. It’s like the more I try to be nice, the less I receive. I don’t know what to do, because it hurts me 😞 I never get the reactions I wanted. I’m just ignored. And that makes me want to close again. The problem is that I give something in the expectation of receiving the same return. In the other day I said in a group conversation: Good morning, I wish you have a good day 🥰. And no one even said anything back. They just ignored me 🥺😭 It’s been a struggle. I need them to accept me, and at the same time, I get hurt and somewhat resentful for their reactions towards me...

Rejection could cost us our Life, as you illustrate.

This was very helpful. What I’ve noticed is that I became the opposite of my abusers I’m a critical thinker & they tried to wire my little baby brain negatively to cover up the fact that my sister sent my brother after me before I could walk and talk. She made me a perfectionist walker by slapping me and hurting me bad til I walked the way she imagined me walking.

Im kind not stupid, i i give or help when i feel.like,if i dont feel like i say" NOOOO" with a smile!😊😊👌

Toxic niceness, defining term

This is totally me. thank you for sharing i always thought y i feel this way when am being too nice. unhappy and they r happy because u put other people first and they don't have the heart to be nice back to u

My inner peace is most important. Be nice to yourself. Honor yourself. Like yourself. Believe in yourself. Practice saying No. Love it. 😍💪🙏🦋

She is like the therapist I've always needed.

This lady is so “wise” on a very relatable level

I needed this 20 yrs ago, but I appreciate the advice, and will take my power back!! It comes from childhood rejection!!!❤

Omg that resonates with me. I have done this all my life and did not realize it until I got in a narcissist relationship last year that rocked my world. But now my eyes are soooooo open and I'm doing the work back to boundaries not being crossed and saying no. Chicago love

I used to feel sorry for certain panhandlers who came up to me with their sob stories. Then I learned to say "Sorry I carry no cash" while shrugging my shoulders. Immediately they turn away to move on to their next victim.

You hold the key to your happiness an that the gold

You want the opposite of an abusive parent-so go from the start a very nice person-but that’s how the abuser Begins-they arent stupid/.(-so when they begin to drop the mask,you question yourself-it’s a cycle-but the key is to be able to get out once those first abusive actions happen-but it’s hard)

Fabulous. Much needed and I'm 60 with self insight and I am still too nice, too often. I realize I learned this and it was quite ingrained in me as a child growing up. I've had to re-learn how to 'be' and set boundaries and say 'no'. It has been a very healthy shift for me. I need to stop being so nice again now though. THANK YOU.

I see nothing wrong with being nice. I like nice people and I find that quality unforgettable...

Νarcissists derive a HECK of a lot of pleasure from rejecting people. And the number of narcissistists amongst us is constantly growing. Not to be underestimated...

She is so beautiful inside and out. So gentle and clear. Love her!

I am 45 now ..but as far as i can remember i always knew what i want and what i dont want in terms of dealing with others. I was shockingly good in about to say No.And that is amazing ..i keep that to these days. I dont say i cant be weak and emotional ..i just know to say No. Or yes when i feel like that.

Until you can say No, Yes has no meaning. 💯💯💯 I have GOT to work on this!

Yes! People will project what’s on the inside.. it’s not about you it’s how they feel about themselves

It's about being ourselves not about being nice.

I think there should be a balance for this. Because of what i observe and experience, (i think it is about the new century) European and Usa people are more self centered, distant and individualist. And it goes there for the other societies too. Sometimes people put even their chores to first step and isolate themselves and their own life, instead of creating real interactions or bonds with other people with making time or favor to them. And it makes people lonely and creates a new individualist social structure. Loneliness in every way is a new problem of the current societies even for the love life and family relationships. When we look deep into nature, we will understand better, "seeking validation and acceptance" is a kind of glue for the creatures who live in their own society. This is a deep subject for social science and philosophy. So long story short, as social creatures we should keep the balance for every thing, for even saying No and Yes. It is better living our lifes with empathy and being aware of one day we can need the other people and need a favor from others too..

I saw “ trunkie”, in Aldi’s this afternoon and thought of The Dragons Den , now hear I am listening to Marissa. I ❤️ Marissa

I love that, “thanks for sharing” I’m going to remember that

As soon as I learnt it's OK to have my own opinion I can do what makes me happy. Instead of lighting myself to warm others (not litteral 😬) I have a voice. Thank you so Much Mrs.Peer For all that you have taught me And if anyone is still reading remember to have a good day, stay awesome and don't let other people depict you. You are awesome Believe it!

Thank you Marissa 🥰! This is just what I needed!

Wonderful!. Thank you...my No' 's and F offs are now firmly sat at my table from now on...☺

From time she open her mouth i knew she was hilarious by the way she speaks, her sarcastic body language, and her confidence. This lady is life she actually made my night

This is a great video for those who need it... I remain warm and friendly until the first sign of dealing with self servers who take from others, and those who show a glimpse of having 'two faces'...

You are very right. Learn to say no, learn to draw boundaries and to remove yourself when necessary

People will always want to diminish you. They will say you are a bad team member, you guys are not organised etc. Its true they say your feelings dont matter. Like some1 will say you want your own ways yet they never get your opinion. I will say "thank you 4 sharing". Thank you 4 sharing

Be assertive. Don't be too nice. People absolutely hate it. And they will abuse it.

Take up room in your own life! People who don't like it aren't for you.

As always on point! 😊Simple to understand, relaxed and not rushed, this is important Bravo! ❤💙💛💜💗

Great video! Thanks, Marisa. Can you please make a video on women failing to succeed as if it were a societal and family taboo for us to do as good or better than men and success were reserved to men only? I come from a Southern European background with a bully, narcissistic, macho father and have just realized that I had a subconscious belief that I shouldn't succeed not to make him turn into a fury that could cause my death (he almost killed me once). Several years ago I started succeeding big and making much bigger money than he ever did and I shared my success with him. At the time I was also married to a narcissistic man who was competitive with me (happy I divorced him!) Since then, though, I have failed miserably with work and money, and I am now in deep debt. I now see how openly sharing my success with my father triggered my unconscious fear that he would be enraged and could kill me and the constant fury of my ex-husband only reinforced my deep seated fear. So, unwittingly, I did everything to sabotage my success to this extent. How do I convince my mind that succeeding is safe for me now? Thanks!

Hello, Marisa! I had suffered my entire life of this kind of feeling. My thoughts started changing since I've begun watching your wellness videos. Thank you very, very much!

This is definitely an introverted perspective lol but I do respect it. As an extrovert prone to depression when isolated, I definitely think I could die from rejection. For some people, human interaction is not just a desire, it’s a natural human need.

I’m 27 now I’ve been watching you for years I never miss a video 💯.

I was ghosted by my close friend after apologizing for getting into a texting argument. I also said I miss her. Days went by and she unfriended me on my birthday and I went on to give her a blessing and well wishes on my birthday. Been ghosted since Thanksgiving weekend. Yes I'm starting to believe she gets pleasure from this.