The Truth Behind Covert Abuse Exposed

The Truth Behind Covert Abuse Exposed | Dr. David Hawkins

Рет қаралды 19,039

3 жыл бұрын

Do you feel like you’re living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? He’s jovial, likeable, well respected Mr. Nice Guy….until he’s not. In this video, Dr. Hawkins exposes the truth behind covert abuse, “the silent epidemic.”
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About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#covertabuse #abuse

Пікірлер: 178

@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD 8 ай бұрын

Make no mistake this abuse can drive a person insane.

@drdavidbhawkins 8 ай бұрын

Agreed, thanks for your input

@sylgem 2 жыл бұрын

"The withdrawal, the withholding of affection, the pouting...the actions so that he gets what he wants...stonewalling...gaslighting" and I still don't even know what he wants...

@Kim-yz3wi 3 жыл бұрын

It feels like the life is being sucked out of you.

@drdavidbhawkins 3 жыл бұрын

It sounds like you have experienced this first hand. Please reach out to us if you would like information on how we can help. Our Client Care team can be reached at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com

@gigicoogler Жыл бұрын

My God yes. Especially if you have been guilted and punished from a previous one.

@8no1likeme-infinitestar65 Жыл бұрын

bc it is...they literally steal your life-force energy from you

@user-cx2ib4jf4q 10 ай бұрын

Yes

@MT-ib7zq 8 ай бұрын

So thru I finished this relationship with the tank almost empty!!!!

@VS-yb7oq 2 жыл бұрын

This absolutely describes my life of 36 years of marriage to my husband. Thank you, Dr. Hawkins, for the work you are doing! I have repeatedly listened to so many of your videos, read your articles/books - so helpful. You know what many of us victims are going through. My health and emotional well being have suffered so much and the fact that nobody can see the wounds/damages my husband has caused is truly debilitating at times. God has been my Rock, my Strength, and I pray for all the other women who are suffering as well. May God abundantly bless you!

@drdavidbhawkins 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your feedback and God bless you in your healing journey

@denisereed3023 2 жыл бұрын

Wow! So perfectly said! They are spineless demonic creatures. I live this and its sick!

@drdavidbhawkins 2 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear you are experiencing this and hope that you are getting some help. For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletters for more helpful articles and videos from our therapists: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/

@verogarcia9592 2 жыл бұрын

All those years I always thought it was because I was doing something wrong. When I finally realized what was going on, it was still my fault according to him.

@ImpulsoCreativo9322 Жыл бұрын

This is mine. And he just called me the abuser.

@amberzinn2440 3 жыл бұрын

Omg this is spot on. I lived this for years and years. I finally was introduced to this type of abuse and was relieved that I wasn’t as crazy that he had made me believe. Finally got the nerve to Get out of that hell hole. Much much happier person.

@drdavidbhawkins 3 жыл бұрын

We're glad to hear you recognize the abuse now and are in a better place.

@user-um9zq9ml5m 8 ай бұрын

They steal your identity and personality from you. Once you are a empty shell they reflect their true self onto you. Never again! May God save all victims. The sadness, chaos and destruction they cause is a indescribable. If you see it call it out! That person wants and needs your help. Even they don't know it yet themselves.

@mcawesomest1 6 ай бұрын

This was so spot on…. So painful and so depressing….. the emptiness and the loneliness is unbearable. I feel like it’s their goal to break you so badly and push you to the limits of mental physical, and emotional exhaustion to solidify his public image that he is the poor martyr stuck in this marriage with his lunatic wife. I’ve learned not to ask or even hint at anything I want because if he gets wind of it then it becomes his mission to find passive aggressive ways to make sure it stays out of my reach.

@vicstee482 3 жыл бұрын

This is one of the best, most straightforward explanations of this type of abuse i have seen. I must listen on a regular basis when i miss him and feel weak. Mine shows his abuse as extreme moodiness as a contol mechanism. Silences. Witholding love. He HATES it when i say the word moody and flatly denies it. And just like you say, its your fault. He isnt the issue, it is you. Always! Whatever happens, it is always your fault. No responsibility taken. No sitting down discussing issues. Everything on his terms. Cuddles, talking, smiling, laughing. None of that happens unless he wants it. Yet the moods change in an instance and your expected to be receptive when he wants, in your place and do what he wants when he wants! So glad to be reminded we are not going mad. It isnt us. It is them. This is my third relationship in a row with men like this. I saw it early on with this one, but still didnt get out. Loneliness and longing for a connection, makes you push fears and worries to the back of your mind. And of course these type of men shower you with affection when THEY want. It is truly insidious behaviour. Btw. I LOVE the look of your garden. 🌲🪴🌿

@drdavidbhawkins 3 жыл бұрын

We're glad you found it helpful. You can access more related content and helpful advice from our therapists by subscribing to our KZfaq channel, or sign up for our mailing list to be notified of new content!www.marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list

@shellyj7536 3 ай бұрын

Agreed 💯🎯🎯

@Coloradonow1963 Жыл бұрын

After having watched multiple videos on Covert Narcissism- this video explains my life for the last 20 years. This is spot on with what I have been dealing with. I had my first Panic attack when we were first married and now I am suffering mentally and physically. I am turning 60 this year. I have left him before, only to return. I have my dogs and possessions that I can't seem to leave behind. Starting over scares the heck out of me and I have no friends or family left willing to help me.

@DrPat-mx9nn 10 ай бұрын

Self care needs to be number one ☝🏽 Focus more on what YOU need 🤗

@muma6559 8 ай бұрын

Don't worry, trust in God. Literally, there are people all around us who will be closer and kinder than family. Please don't worry, you will find them. Focus on self care for a few years

@shellyj7536 3 ай бұрын

Ditto! I know how u feel. I'm in the same boat

@jacklynwardlow 4 ай бұрын

Thank You! I am leaving my covert emotionally abusive relationship. And I needed to strength to see what I see… you nailed ALL his traits, he’s not violent but he is NOT the guy he appears on the outside

@carlabellbg5724 Жыл бұрын

I stood up for myself, stopped cooperating and made therapy a requirement for my well being... he left

@mariabrennan72 10 ай бұрын

It’s horrific to endure

@chosen573 3 жыл бұрын

Preach!!! It leave you drain feeling like one has to throw up 🤮

@denicehaley9902 3 жыл бұрын

After my husband’s blame shifting last night, I’ve been up all night nauseated.

@drdavidbhawkins 3 жыл бұрын

Emotional abuse definitely impacts physical health as well, as talked about in this video: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/oc5xh9hq0-Dedok.html

@Jane-mb8jj 2 жыл бұрын

Yep. In a covert emotional abusive relationship.... this describes it to a T. I told him "hey, I feel hurt when you snap at me." 5 hours of us fighting for him threatening to leave me then saying he doesn't want to. Barely any self awareness at all.

@drdavidbhawkins 2 жыл бұрын

That is why they are called crazy-making behaviors. For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletters for more helpful articles and videos from our therapists: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/

@pamaylward 7 ай бұрын

Bravo! Thank you for describing the relationship I struggled to escape from for the past 6 years. It absolutely needs to be exposed and better understood.

@peggypaine4471 2 жыл бұрын

Ptsd from several relationships like this. It’s more prevalent than we acknowledge.

@drdavidbhawkins 2 жыл бұрын

Yes, we have always said that emotional abuse is trauma and needs specialized treatment. If you would like to learn more about our emotional abuse trauma recovery program, book a free consultation with our Client Care Team: bit.ly/3I0dntB

@DanaD-er8dn 3 жыл бұрын

30 years... 30 loonnggg years. Oh how I wish this information was available many years ago.

@laurac5451 2 жыл бұрын

Needs to be taught kindergarten up

@ESumner 2 жыл бұрын

The fact they CANT see it. The word ‘cant’ is an understatement... 😔 can’t but also unwilling to tolerate the idea that they’re the problem...

@drdavidbhawkins 2 жыл бұрын

You're right, they are unwilling to consider they are the problem, but this denial and defensiveness is one of the first things we address and work to break down in our counseling. If you want to learn more, reach out to our Client Care Team: marriagerecoverycenter.com/contact-us/

@ESumner 2 жыл бұрын

@@drdavidbhawkins we’re seeing you very soon!

@laurac5451 2 жыл бұрын

My husband slams door throws things yells throws his lap top around when it doesn't work well for him. Anything that needs to be fixed is nothing ever works for him

@drdavidbhawkins 2 жыл бұрын

A lot of things are mistaken for marital issues, when in fact they are issues that need to be addressed at the individual level. That is why we offer things like DBT and The Core so people can learn to process and regulate their emotions effectively and understand what they are feeling and why. We often tell people that you need to first BE well in order to love well. If you'd like to learn more about our approach and how we can help, please reach out to our Client Care Team at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com

@thehedgerow 2 жыл бұрын

Mine was the same way. I finally filed for divorce after 27 years.

@jzeff6250 3 жыл бұрын

Indeed. This is EXACTLY descriptive of my wife of 30 yrs. Every. single. trait. "Thankfully" she has filed for divorce against me. Finally she will have to take responsibility for SOMETHING.

@bronwynsimons7028 6 ай бұрын

It's unbelievable just how you keep hitting the nail on the head with every single statement made in this video Dr Hawkins

@everlybnb2409 3 жыл бұрын

This video validated me like healing for my soul and a deep inner sigh, I felt so comforted by having it be known perfectly (exactly as I experience it) and called wrong with someone who equally is distressed by it. Hearing this was like oil on a wound or water to a desperately parched soul. This video and others by Dr Hawkins are the only validation that truly matches my circumstance most perfectly and I am grateful.

@drdavidbhawkins 3 жыл бұрын

We're so glad you found this helpful. If you would like information on healing for victims of emotional abuse, visit marriagerecoverycenter.com/counseling-programs/

@marilyngwinn5025 2 жыл бұрын

You can p

@Lisa-ih7fk Жыл бұрын

3 years into my relationship my ex started accusing me of all the things he did. He started telling people that I was the one with the temper and he accused me of stopping him from going places. I became so afraid when he started this as I had already been successfully isolated so if he successfully painted me as the abuser I'd have been completely under his thumb

@drdavidbhawkins Жыл бұрын

If you need help breaking free of these crazy making behaviors and stop living in fear and isolation, please reach out to learn how we can help, or check out our emotional abuse recovery program: marriagerecoverycenter.com/redeemed/

@NewGoldenWingZzz 9 ай бұрын

Exactly the same here except he was a she 🫣😶‍🌫️

@laurac5451 2 жыл бұрын

He will make promises and never fulfill them

@kjack3211 2 жыл бұрын

This video is very spot on. Almost make me wanna cry. Perfect description of my ex husband

@drdavidbhawkins 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for your comment. We hope you are in a better place now. God Bless.

@pearl4475 Ай бұрын

Yesterday was a pretty bad day for me. I had a memory of when my son was young and it instantly became a memory of how my narcissist has just ruined my whole life. Very disparaging not to even be able to have a purely happy memory. 😢

@loberleitner1 Жыл бұрын

Thank you 🎉 my husband and I are in a therapeutic separation and we will walk this walk as we both aspire to a healthy relationship . Your work is a godsend.

@yellowdayz1800 8 ай бұрын

He is exactly right.

@hopeinhumanity. 2 жыл бұрын

Living with the passive aggressive man by Scott Wetzier was a good eye opening resource.

@sunnyskye1106 3 жыл бұрын

20 years. Today is our wedding anniversary. He did it again...on our 20th anniversary. I will die if I keep doing this. I’m done.

@drdavidbhawkins 3 жыл бұрын

The latter videos in this series talks about intervention, boundaries and treatment. kzfaq.info/get/bejne/ac9xismQrNGYpZ8.html

@verogarcia9592 2 жыл бұрын

🥺 I almost made it to my 20 anniversary. I just couldn't keep doing it anymore. Pretending like everything was okay just to spare his feelings. Because I knew what was coming if I said enough. "Double crucified" that's what it felt like. Crucified in the flesh and spiritually broken until it felt as if I was just floating around with nothing to live for. But I thank God! I'm so over that now! He has been my Anchor, my Rock, my fortress and my strength. Praise Him!

@gregsheehan9387 3 жыл бұрын

Spot on description and information!!!!

@peggypaine4471 2 жыл бұрын

My mother and now my siblings and their partners. It’s like a disease.

@drdavidbhawkins 2 жыл бұрын

It is often a learned behavior, or a negative adaptation to trauma, so it can be passed on. For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletters for more helpful articles and videos from our therapists: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/

@MelissaJoyArtistry Жыл бұрын

Another common "Play the victim" line is, when you're trying to point out something wrong or how they disrespected you, instead of getting validation, you'll get defensiveness, denial "wasnt my intention", gaslighting "that didn't happen/you're perceiving it wrong, blameshifting "i did _ because you _" , or playing victim "You're right! I'm just a piece of shit." Or "Sorry I cant have everything be PERFECT for you" I get all these in a week. He can go weeks being sweet but out of nowhere Mr Hyde..for 6 years. I'm dying inside

@drdavidbhawkins Жыл бұрын

We understand, it's death by a thousand cuts. If you would like to learn how we can help, please reach out to info@marriagerecoverycenter.com or (206) 219-0145.

@nonyabeezwax8693 9 ай бұрын

Get help or get out

@lornabartlett2744 3 жыл бұрын

MERCI BOUCOUP ,Thank you for sharing this message

@user-cx2ib4jf4q 10 ай бұрын

Wow. What an intelligent man you are. You nailed it!!!

@Bfsfff Жыл бұрын

My life for years.

@chrissythomas5803 3 ай бұрын

I love your pictures on the wall, they are unique and really cool!😎

@nancywitt6339 3 жыл бұрын

Truth!!

@elizabethbrady549 Жыл бұрын

Mine confused me so much ..he has this but 90 percent of the time he love-bombs and it's wonderful. Then he changes into a different person for no apparent reason.

@karriphillips5090 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you soooo very much. Today is the first time I've seen your video. Wow...this is 100% accurate.

@drdavidbhawkins 3 жыл бұрын

We're glad you found it helpful. You can access more related content and helpful advice from our therapists by subscribing to our KZfaq channel, or visiting us at marriagerecoverycenter.com/blog

@rebekahjette6304 2 жыл бұрын

This is so accurate!

@drdavidbhawkins 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for your feedback. If you found this video helpful, subscribe to our channel for more related content, or sign up for our newsletters for helpful articles and videos from our therapists sent to your inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/

@paulakaiser7138 2 жыл бұрын

Oh my....you just nailed what I have been dealing with for the past 20yrs. You are so correct on everything you have said. I have been saying "You are a jekyll & Hyde. " for years. Love him very much but it is time for a change... I know I will be fine. Thank you so much for this information... Pretty darn sure you should be on Dr. Phil to get this message out. Take care and thanks again.

@drdavidbhawkins 2 жыл бұрын

Glad you found it helpful. If you would like to learn about how intervention can be a catalyst for change, check out Part 7 of the series: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/ac9xismQrNGYpZ8.html

@loopy_films2643 2 жыл бұрын

I could've written those exact same words! Well said.

@VSmartRx 9 ай бұрын

Thankyou

@drdavidbhawkins 9 ай бұрын

Hope you found it helpful, thanks for your feedback

@yeonsollee6592 9 ай бұрын

it is so subtle that i did not realize what was happening 2 me. thankfully i did keep a journal and i had been so confused for the last 6 months. i had become extremely emotionally unstable… i don’t think i handled myself well when i started feeling like a burden and was convincing myself i should be okay with emotional unavailable. i began having rash outs which then i was so deeply ashamed by. we began having minute arguments. my friends told me i hadn’t been like myself. i want to own up to my own inability to set boundaries. my partner left me suddenly and told me it was because i wasn’t able to love him the way he needed. i wish both of us deep healing and still send him love

@natalielorena6597 3 ай бұрын

Interesting as the narcissist abuser i just escaped was nicknamed Jekyll & Hyde by his mother, as a kid 😮 I am visualing him as a soul sucking zombie and i cant waste another breath from my lungs trying to make him see his problems. I have to find the strength every day to be a nurturing mother and I'm dying inside.

@hopesmith4484 3 жыл бұрын

Oh yes!! He was like that for 2 decades. A living hell. When it was at its worst I remember wondering if I was actually in hell. But he changed. And I changed first. Thank you Dr David Hawkins. Your kind face and understanding words, your wise words gave me hope some years ago. I found you on KZfaq and your words changed my life. You gave me hope. Thank You, I hope you see this. I'm still married and things are different. Marriage is much better. But my adult children have been affected by it all. One now has narcasistic behaviour and is dysfunctional. But perhaps in time my child will change too. I believe there is always hope, but things don't change unless we do something. My adult child is on their own difficult path now.

@drdavidbhawkins 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story. Everyone must walk their own difficult journey to reach the destination God has for them, but God will place people on the path to help. You only need to reach out and as you say "do something." And your story will give hope to many who need to hear this.

@laurac5451 2 жыл бұрын

They need to get into adult children of alcoholic and dysfunctional homes

@karriphillips5090 3 жыл бұрын

Yes!!!

@stableboss24 3 жыл бұрын

This needs to be not just about male coverts because are plenty of female coverts as well!

@drdavidbhawkins 3 жыл бұрын

We absolutely agree, emotional abuse is rampant and not gender specific.

@sheilabradshaw7540 Жыл бұрын

This fits for male or female narcissists. They both use same tactics

@creese8632 10 ай бұрын

Today is the day my life fell apart. I just learned that I'm living with a covert emotional abuser. I'm physically & mentally drained. Dr. JEKYL & Mr. Hyde. I call him THE BLACK HULK! HELP PLEASE

@rafet744 2 ай бұрын

I am going through that

@ambermarchand7079 7 ай бұрын

My husband seems to be doing this. Yesterday was a nightmare and my mind is still reeling from this, like my mind is in a fog. He is faithful but this abuse has made me want to flee many times. I had been with this man for over 11 years, I am silent as my mind is screaming.

@drdavidbhawkins 7 ай бұрын

Here are some videos on healing, hope you find them helpful. Healing From Emotional Abuse playlist: kzfaq.info/sun/PLzb_gedZa6y5VGEhh3V4Qt_Ksb0CNFdIz

@debbiesday8270 10 ай бұрын

I wish my ex could've listened to this and actually had it sink in, because you described him to a T, but I doubt he would ever see himself in this. He had anger right below the surface at all times, just under his Mr. Nice guy facade. After 40 years I realized that I never existed for him in this relationship. I lost the major part of my adult life just being someone for him to project onto, to use, to reject, to resent, and in the end he never even really got to know me.He gave me just enough crumbs of "Love" to keep me hoping things could change. I'm left sick and exhausted and broken. I feel like I was cheated out of any hope of having a good healthy deep relationship simply because I was ignorant and did not know what a covert Narcissist was or how to deal with one. You're exactly right. He was a nice guy...Until he wasn't, and I've paid a very high price in my life for not understanding what to do about it.

@drdavidbhawkins 10 ай бұрын

We hope you have found healing and healthy love. Thanks for your comment

@khadijazimba8619 10 ай бұрын

My teacher is a covert abuser,I feel suffocated, emotional☹️☹️☹️☹️

@MikeTheTruthThatMatters 8 ай бұрын

This is very hard for men who experience this from women. I found myself not being able to explain to people I was feeling emotionally abused by a woman. I felt like I was weak and it was job to shoulder the emotions for our family.

@drdavidbhawkins 8 ай бұрын

Yes, it is definitely less talked about when it's the other way around. Here is one of a few videos we have that specifically addresses men who are abused: Relationship with a Female Narcissist kzfaq.info/get/bejne/hJxodstilauZYZ8.html

@raamtselon 9 ай бұрын

That's my wife...I gave my best to her and she pretended all the time...just heartless...and most people including family believe a tearful woman over a fuming man...fuming because of the injustice and heattlessness...what a fool I have been to believe she "loved me"...

@lauriegenie 3 жыл бұрын

100% Every. single. word.

@invisiblecollege893 11 ай бұрын

Just found out my Wife is a covert NPD. And it makes so much sense. No empathy. Rages, or shuts down, cries in hysterics. Doesn’t contribute at all to building a life. Super disorganised with me. But spends a lot of time and money on her hair, nails, skin. Infidelity. Flips things around. My wellbeing has been subjugated. Can’t be confronted

@drdavidbhawkins 11 ай бұрын

Hope you found this helpful and are finding ways to heal and get your life and identity back.

@raamtselon 9 ай бұрын

Please remember- women do if as well. I fell into this and only realised 3 years ago what I was dealing with...

@ladyd.5993 10 ай бұрын

You are right. A 67 year old Narc ruined my life.

@LilyGrace1990 2 жыл бұрын

This is my mother. Is there anywhere I can go where people will believe me? I'm not married but I can't seem to find much on this in that context.

@drdavidbhawkins 2 жыл бұрын

It's difficult to find support when the abuse is covert. Healing begins by recognizing that the only thing you can control in this situation is yourself. Almost all the concepts we talk about for healing from emotional abuse applies to relationships outside of marriage, including family, friends, co-workers, etc. For more related content, check out our KZfaq channel, or sign up for our mailing list for helpful articles and marriage saving tips delivered directly to your Inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/G

@josephinewilliams530 5 ай бұрын

How do you stop this. It won't stop until I walk out.

@karriphillips5090 3 жыл бұрын

True

@josephinewilliams530 5 ай бұрын

I've lived through four years of it. I'm leaving him because of it. I'm not signing up for the abuse anymore. I could heal faster if he'd just hit me. Unfortunately the wounds are not seen. I don't think he wants to be this way but I don't think he realizes it. If I stay he never will change. Maybe my leaving will open his eyes. I'm not going to go back to him. I hope he changes and finds a good wife.

@sashawhite8232 Жыл бұрын

Oh my God. Passive aggressive to the max & I always think he is acting like a Toddler but I try to word it more gently when I am trying 2 have an adult conversation with him. . . I don't think he CAN have an adult, more objective & self aware dialogue. . .

@happycherylc 3 жыл бұрын

Is there an online class and group counseling? How do we as spouses handle this, confront issues?

@drdavidbhawkins 3 жыл бұрын

Hi Cheryl, yes we do offer online and group counseling. Most couples start with a Marriage Evaluation which allows the therapist to identify and confront the issues and formulate a customized plan for healing and recovery based on your unique situation. Please reach out to our Client Care Specialists for more information at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com

@happycherylc 3 жыл бұрын

@@drdavidbhawkins I was thinking more for the spouse married to the narcissist. Getting a narcissist to cooperate is difficult. It's called save yourself. Save your own mental and emotional wellbeing.

@proverbs11thirty 3 жыл бұрын

Where are the first two parts? I can’t seem to find them.

@drdavidbhawkins 3 жыл бұрын

kzfaq.infoplaylists There's a Playlist titled "Healing Together From Narcissism and Emotional Abuse." This is where you will find all the videos in the series. The upcoming ones will be posted there as they come out.

@sashawhite8232 Жыл бұрын

Oh my GOD thank you whomever you are - I must find your name. I felt bad being financially reliant due to cancer of thyroid & then fibroids & hysterectomy. I get love bombed everyday & many apologies then hatred/looks at me like I'm the devil. And I am very honest with how I feel & constantly beg him for just a few days of peace. He can't do one night of peace and has me convinced I am the abusive or bad person because I refuse to have sex with a person being mean to me. Am I wrong??? Last time I caved and had sex I had to get really drunk & cry in bathroom, convincing myself in bathroom that I had to do this. So isn't that me manipulating him? All I know is he breaks many things - many holes in walls & I am always scared - and he always says I have no right 2 b afraid because he is not a "woman hitter" I am soooo confused - help!!!! Oh and P.S. he is angel to everyone- gives $20-$40 to a neighbor for no good reason when we can't afford rent, resulting in all our neighbors thinking he's soooo wonderful. The 16 year old girl on 3rd floor overlooking our cottage knows though. So I can't be that crazy. This young female tells ME, a 42 year older I am being abused. . . . Sorry just don't know how to get out. . . . But thank you 4 helping me realize I am not crazy . . . .

@whotelakecity2001 Жыл бұрын

At least you have one nice, good neighbor. You should hangout with her more, no matter what age she is. She is fortunate not to have experienced emotional abuse so she knows it when she sees it. A lot of us, myself included, grew up with so much dysfunction and toxicity that when it shows up in our lives, it is hard for us to see it because we are so used to it.

@laurahenry3562 Ай бұрын

This is soooo spot on ,,where are the videos that tell you what he wants ?Yes the covert narc husband stonewalls,gaslights,withholds,passive aggressive but what does he want ? 31 year’s married I am haveing a affair with his best friend ,is that what they want ?

@atibasmith9307 8 ай бұрын

Are men the only ones who emotionally abuse others? You have great knowledge and experience in the matter. Women can be emotionally abusive too,and im a victim. It would be helpful for you to mention this to your viewers

@drdavidbhawkins 8 ай бұрын

Touche. Thanks for your feedback. Our more recent videos do address this. Here is one: Relationship with a Female Narcissist kzfaq.info/get/bejne/hJxodstilauZYZ8.html

@josephsielskisr3742 2 жыл бұрын

Which one is the bad one

@teresarenee3829 9 ай бұрын

I have heard those things, I know they are wrong...I feel so much bitterness and hatred from those words....I think Im perfect, mrs perfect....I think ive got it all together...obviously not if I'm with him...

@Misskitty15 11 ай бұрын

What do you mean we will be the ones to bring change??? I can't change him. He doesn't take heed to good advice. He willfully does his own thing.

@teresarenee3829 9 ай бұрын

Exactly that...we need to make the changes, they won't. We go grey rock, we leave when we can.

@jennifercooper3547 9 күн бұрын

Be very careful when violating/abusing a person covertly. When the person exposes you & heals publicly, I almost guarantee that it’s not going to evoke the same humor. Laugh track anyone? 😂

@donaldhunt6225 Ай бұрын

What about Dr Jeckel and Mrs Hyde?

@bethm7701 3 ай бұрын

I am wondering about this dynamic being present due to undiagnosed ADHD, learning disability and ASD. It seems the covert behavior and emotional neglect is learned behavior from trying to manage symptoms and also a lot of denial that it is in fact as bad as it is on a personal level since he is able to maintain the mask in public and career. There is diagnosis and medication going on 2 years now but still very little self awareness even with counseling. Progress is very slow; if real at all. I am still getting blindsided often. I’m exhausted and used up. Is the continued “symptoms” a sign that he isn’t committed to fully managing and taking responsibility for his diagnosis yet. And is it unfair for him to expect me to endure just because he has a diagnosis?

@muma6559 8 ай бұрын

you say we must "call it out". Is that to ourselves or to them ?

@drdavidbhawkins 8 ай бұрын

Both, excellent observation.

@muma6559 8 ай бұрын

@@drdavidbhawkins What purpose does it serve to call it out to the narc ? Why is that good for them since they know what they are doing

@mermaidblues8684 3 жыл бұрын

Can you help a man that makes up tall stories to cause a division between me and my family then gets mad if I don't believe his lies. I've been told to stay away from him but I love him 😢

@drdavidbhawkins 3 жыл бұрын

Stay tuned for Part 7 of the series that talks about intervention and boundaries - 2 powerful concepts for creating change.

@mermaidblues8684 3 жыл бұрын

@@drdavidbhawkins amazing. Thank you!!

@sherylj586 3 жыл бұрын

Are ignoring and neglect part of covert emotional abuse as well?

@drdavidbhawkins 3 жыл бұрын

The question to ask is "How pervasive are the behaviors?" If it is an ongoing pattern and not a one-time event, then it is absolutely a form of covert abuse.

@vicstee482 3 жыл бұрын

I think being ignored is the worst part! This is the ultimate control. Your distressed and need interaction. By witholding it, they trump you every time. It is so sinister. I find the silences the hardest part. Even more so than them turning the story around to blame you.

@marisamarino7596 3 жыл бұрын

Can a covert narcissist actually be a true Christian? If so, where is the fruit?

@stephaniehall6309 2 жыл бұрын

NowY

@stephaniehall6309 2 жыл бұрын

No way

@TheJeremyKentBGross 2 жыл бұрын

I am not sure I ever met a "true" Christian, and I grew up in a Christian family and went to church for 25 years. Don't get me wrong, some folks are kind, but even then self sacrifice often seems like an ideological incorporation of being a doormat. It seems to me that everyone is evil to a degree and if you don't think so you are probably in denial. But talking to yourself (prayer) and believing in nonsense doesn't seem to fix it.

@iamjustsaying4787 17 күн бұрын

Rather than blow up the retirement fund and divorce he has opted for anxiety medication. It’s helps. For him the motion to stay on them is how much better his career is going on them. But him trying to be nice after 34 years just comes off as creepy.

@kmb5678 6 ай бұрын

How do you know that you are not the abuser? Or are the abuser? Im so lost, im so confused.

@thehedgerow 2 жыл бұрын

There were two fist size punched holes in the bedroom wall by where he sleeps. Not sure if he did it in his sleep or when it happened but he had my 16-year-old daughter and I come into the room to show us and completely blamed one of us for doing it. Would not even accept the fact that maybe he did it while sleeping. He was addiment that we did it or even a ghost. That was the last straw for me, and I filed for divorce. Now that I look back, it was great many years but the last 6 years his anger has gotten worse. We do walk on eggshells, and it gets exhausting. He has two moods, and you can see it in his eyes when he changes. I feel sad for him hate that his world has fallen apart since I filed, and he moved out. But it was worth it for my daughter!

@drdavidbhawkins 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like he really needs help and hope he will someday get the help he needs to experience wholeness and healing.

@thehedgerow 2 жыл бұрын

@@drdavidbhawkins thank you so much!

@user-xz6hl2yj9u 4 ай бұрын

My unborns son behavior to me .

@frogautistic 5 ай бұрын

But assuming "he is bad, she is good". Why gender this? Many men are in relationships with problematic women, who behave this way, albeit with their own gender/biological derived nuances

@ChildoftheLIGHT 7 ай бұрын

🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

@drdavidbhawkins 7 ай бұрын

Hope you found it helpful, thanks for the feedback

@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye 7 ай бұрын

@@drdavidbhawkins That would really be more a sociopath, not that I want to throw them under the bus. Just making sure you know you aren't helping any body amd that you are spreading confusion, enhancing stigma and using the narcissist as a commodity. At the same time, victims want that crap... but still pretty immoral (I would never do that as an NPD). Bye

@bryceronie Жыл бұрын

I was in a bording home and I had this experience. I HOPE HE GETS GOOD JAIL TIME. HE CANT BE IN PUBLIC.

@drdavidbhawkins Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your comment and hope you are getting the help you need to recover from that painful experience. For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletter to get helpful tips and advice delivered directly to your Inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/

@chrissythomas5803 3 ай бұрын

I betcha that’s why his grandma is so quiet. He lives there. We never lived together.🤡👈🏻

@user-de8le5wl7z 9 ай бұрын

epidemic you say ... Gee ..

@MB-it2hu 11 ай бұрын

Why “he”? Narcissism is not specific to a certain gender. I am astounded I have to educate you on this.

@bumblebee5990 11 ай бұрын

Don’t forget future faking.

@will_Iam61 8 ай бұрын

Not all covert emotional abusers are male. In fact, I would argue that women are better at that role because of how well a lot of them can read other people. All I know that as soon as I am out of this confusing, twisted, mess of a marriage I am going to stop watching these kinds of videos. I have watched videos by people that obviously been through this shitshow, but listening to your videos, I gotta wonder. Maybe you have, but it's not coming across.

@drdavidbhawkins 8 ай бұрын

Agreed, they are not all male. And there are many people out there who speak out of experience but they are also speaking out of their pain. We are speaking from clinical experience. We also have some videos specifically addressing women narcissists and men who are abused: Relationship with a Female Narcissist kzfaq.info/get/bejne/hJxodstilauZYZ8.html

@michaelgregg4312 8 ай бұрын

I would be very interested in this if you didn't keep referring to the abuser as him. You are clearly playing to women.

@drdavidbhawkins 8 ай бұрын

True, women do happen to be our primary demographic, the majority of people that call in to our center to get help are women. That does not mean we believe abusers are always male. Thanks for your feedback

@elderberry63 Ай бұрын

Helpful information. But putting everything in the male towards female tense, just provides proof of how gyno centric and misandric the therapy and counseling paradigm is in western societies. Men are silently enduring this abuse from their female partner with no where to turn, and no one who even thinks that it is possible. Dr. Why don't you delve into the suicide rate for men in the US. Why don't you talk about the epidemic levels of women who have been abused as children, who are now abusing others with impunity. Female teachers who sleep with minors, while marriage, are not exsposed, nor held accountable for statutory rape, or thw fact that a huge percentage of them also abuse their husbands. Instead social and mainstream media hail them as strong independent modern women. How about you create some gender specific content about that? RANT OVER!