THIS Is How A Secure Person Reacts to An Avoidant Pulling Away And You Can Too!

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In today's video, Thais Gibson explains how a securely attached person would respond to an avoidant attachment style (dismissive avoidant attachment style) pulling away. Watch now to find out how a securely attached person reacts to an avoidant pulling away and how you can too, as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
To learn more, explore the transformative course, "Expressing your Needs: Scripts for Effective Communication", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:08 - Stonewalling
00:03:57 - How A Securely Attached Person Approaches Stonewalling
00:06:21 - When An Avoidant Pulls Away
00:08:12 - How A Securely Attached Person Approaches Pulling Away
00:09:46 - Course: Communication Scripts
00:10:08 - Conclusion
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#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #DismissiveAvoidant #DismissiveAvoidantAttachment #AvoidantAttachment #AvoidantAttachmentStyle #DismissiveAvoidantCourse #SecureAttachmentStyle #AvoidantStonewalling

Пікірлер: 452

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 2 ай бұрын

Have you ever experienced stonewalling with an avoidant attachment style? What was your experience like? ❤

@Jennifer-qb8oi 2 ай бұрын

Yes. My experience sucked 25 years. I have been stonewalled for weeks at a time - left to guess why. I walked out last week. Very painful - but I allowed it. I am taking authority back of my life 🎉

@volatile_zer0 2 ай бұрын

For me, the deactivation came out of nowhere and it was completely sudden. Only after I checked in after a week or two to make sure she was OK, did she (eventually) tell me she "just wanted to stay friends." Which was fine, I accepted that wholeheartedly. But even after that, she's continued to deactivate from our friendship. We were getting along really well up to that point, but I think the closeness and chemistry we had was not something she knew how to process...so she responded by pushing me away indefinitely. Given her circumstances, I completely understand why she's reacting the way she is. I have only immense love for her, even despite the deep pain all of this has caused us. Just wish she knew that and didn't feel like the only option is to cut me out completely... I'm not ready to walk out, and I might never be. I feel connected to her in a way I've never felt before, and above all else I really want her to overcome her pain and heal her wounds. And I want to be there to see it.

@charlenewillett352 2 ай бұрын

I couldn’t find the free download you mentioned at the end of the video.

@Portia620 2 ай бұрын

Not sure but I’d guess we would work on moving forward.

@Portia620 2 ай бұрын

It’s one way if they’re doing it for spite you need to run that’s leaning towards the dark personality triad, and you cannot win with these no matter what your approaches🤦‍♀️😂

@tarkov666 2 ай бұрын

A secure person gives them the benefit of the doubt, confronts them, then walks away after multiple attempts at fixing things, with them dismissing you the whole time....

@gregvanpaassen 2 ай бұрын

That sounds like an insecure comment.

@tarkov666 2 ай бұрын

@gregvanpaassen Having self-respect is insecure now?

@justme9514 2 ай бұрын

As a SA I co-sign this, it's unlikely we'll stick around due to the respect we have for ourselves and our understanding of what a healthy relationship looks like. We will happily leave the avoidants for the anxious attachment people, so the avoidance and anxious people can do the little push and pull dance they both enjoy so much 🗑️😑. SA people will be seeking a secure attachment person after their experience and understanding of the problems avoidant types bring. It's a hard pass.

@RubyLine 2 ай бұрын

@@gregvanpaassen I'd say it's a decent and even normal response after many attempts to communicate and not seeing any improvements. You can't force someone to change or improve true, but that doesn't mean it has be at your emotional and mental expense.

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 2 ай бұрын

❤

@cosmopolitan4043 2 ай бұрын

Here’s what happens .. speaking from experience… the secure person accommodates the avoidant person with no progress on their partners end and the next thing you know the secure person is anxious watching anxious attachment videos thinking yeah that’s me. Not it’s not. You were just paired with the wrong person.

@LeeChrissy 2 ай бұрын

I've been here. Do you find that because you became anxious over someone else's actions that maybe you had/have some unhealed wounds yourself? I'm always weary asking these questions on here because sometimes people get offended, so I hope that you don't. I'm only asking because before I became secure, I actually thought I was fairly secure. However, when I dated someone more avoidant than I am, it brought out an awful anxious side of me. I had to go deep in and figure out why. Turns out I had wounds that were unhealed myself like "I'm not good enough" that I carried around subconsciously for years so I would internalize when my avoidant would do his avoidant thing not purposely being hurtful, but just being himself. Just curious if you have any thoughts on that.

@anonymousnation5235 2 ай бұрын

That's exactly what happened to me. Avoidants give us so much self doubt and it's really destabilizing.

@speciallist3049 2 ай бұрын

@@LeeChrissy I think it is a great point, happened to me. Fearful Avoidant, I started getting more 'anxious' during relationship than ever. Never been jealous or questioning myself or relationship before (or after). She probably didn't see much of that side but it was definitely an aspect. And of course there are unhealed wounds, we all have them. Some of us learned or were in environments where we could still deal with relationships securely. But we all have wounds and insecurities that can be triggered under the right circumstances.

@shannonryan191 2 ай бұрын

OMG... 🤯

@LeeChrissy 2 ай бұрын

@@speciallist3049 honestly as soon as I feel that trigger, I immediately make myself figure out what it means and work through it. My triggers have zero to do with anyone else. If anything I'm grateful someone can bring them out so I can work on it. For instance, I have a massive fear of flying. As soon as the plane gets the slightest turbulence, I have always gone into panic mode thinking we were going down. Since joining PDS and regulating my nervous system, I am able to take that fear and talk myself thru it. I just got back from vacation and the pilot told us we were going to hit some bumps do to the tumultuous weather in the midwest. I thought for sure I would panic...but I didn't. 🙌 I kept my ear buds in listening to the movie, closed my eyes and told myself that I am safe. Typically it takes me years to fly again after turbulence, but I just flew in today and already looking forward to my next flight. What does this have to do with our discussion? Nervous system regulation work and not letting my brain believe the stories I tell it. People are who they are, but it's up to us to handle situations in the healthiest possible way.

@user-kg8uq9es3u 2 ай бұрын

As a secure person, its really easy: you let them go and find someone better. It’s that simple.

@justmegee88 2 ай бұрын

It's never that easy..

@elliegonzaleza 2 ай бұрын

100% that’s what I did :) it worked so well we are friends and both have moved on with our lives. The key was to use NVC, understanding the book attached, and Gottman’s emotional regulation for healthy conversations during the break up conversation.

@user-kg8uq9es3u 2 ай бұрын

@@elliegonzalezaguys and girls cant be “just friends” so dont do that. Just ghost them and move on to someone healthy

@trippingandbrowsing1269 2 ай бұрын

Yep. Especially if they're going to dismiss you and not be honest when you try to communicate with them. Like damn, it's already insulting enough that you're playing these games, but to lie to me about what's going on just isn't going to fly.

@OneManCollaboration 2 ай бұрын

THIS

@Littleowl85352 2 ай бұрын

As a dismissive avoidant I'm extremely grateful to those in my life who actually did pull away when I was behaving badly rather than attempting to enable me. You really don't help at all when you give too much to someone, it's absolutely the opposite. It reminds me of those people who choose alcoholic partners and keep them drinking so at least they'll have someone on the chain.

@user-tz1hl3pf2w 2 ай бұрын

@Littleowl85352 u mean pulled away permanently, or just gave u some space for a little while?

@Littleowl85352 2 ай бұрын

@@user-tz1hl3pf2w some permanently, some about seven or eight years

@Littleowl85352 2 ай бұрын

@@user-tz1hl3pf2w permanently or about seven or eight years

@Littleowl85352 2 ай бұрын

@@user-tz1hl3pf2w permanently, pretty much. Except for actual family members.

@LeeChrissy 2 ай бұрын

I agree. Good perspective.

@dianaschramer5065 2 ай бұрын

Key phrase: "If they're WILLING to do the work." It just sounds to me that the SA has to do the lion share of the work with these individuals. I'm done doing all the work in the relationship. The other person must be willing to do their part too.

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 2 ай бұрын

Yes, someone must be aware and willing to do the work but anyone can become secure. Some will need more support than others ❤‍🩹

@dianaschramer5065 2 ай бұрын

@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool I am absolutely willing to support those who are willing to do the work to heal and grow. It's those who aren't that I'm no longer willing to invest in.

@sheliasmith2884 2 ай бұрын

Right

@gregvanpaassen 2 ай бұрын

Clearly you're not done, or you wouldn't be watching videos about interacting with people with an avoidant attachment style. Good on you for learning, but please be honest with yourself.

@dianaschramer5065 2 ай бұрын

@@gregvanpaassen I watch these to stay in recovery. I'm not immune to backsliding. That is my being honest with myself.

@gigibtsurvivor3348 2 ай бұрын

I believe I am an earned secure from slight anxious attachment. I showed up in these ways. I was kind, patient, supportive, but expressed my standards and asked for conversation. Sometimes that isn’t enough for someone operating from an unhealed avoidant perspective. You just have to walk away with kindness and love.

@Littleowl85352 2 ай бұрын

So simple and so correct 💓💓💓💓

@mbernesdotter6881 2 ай бұрын

💖 🙏🏼💖 Thank you for this! Made me realise I'm the same way and we really need to give ourselves more cred for coming to this point. 🙌🏼💖

@aawillma 2 ай бұрын

Having an anxious avoidant partner is like being on a teacup ride. We have a disagreement, she gets triggered and stonewalls. I respect her need for space so I back off and am polite and respectful but don't re-engage. Because I'm not chasing her attention she gets anxious and experiences my distance as rejection. The distance SHE INITIATED! Then because of the rejection she pulls away even more and is even more reactionary and hurtful towards me. She could go through a few of these loops without me even knowing about it. I'm over here being kind but respectful and she'd interpret it as snark and rubbing it in her face. We are better now after years of separation and therapy but wow was that a clusterfuck.

@instagamrr 2 ай бұрын

I loveee that you pointed out the covert narcissism vs avoidant difference here. I dealt with this with my last two exes; with the first one, I stuck around long enough to realize his intent and that he was a covert narc, and I ended things but it was brutal. With the second, I originally assumed he was actually more of a sociopath; nope, got to know him and none of it was spiteful, it was all motivated by fear and he was a good guy. The problem is, waiting long enough to figure out their intent will break your heart, even if you try to stay distant.

@susie1770 2 ай бұрын

Wow, I feel like I might be in the same situation... at the second guy😂

@michaels.2936 2 ай бұрын

Yes, it is truly heartbreaking :(

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 2 ай бұрын

I'm glad you appreciated that! I'm sorry you had to deal with that, give yourself credit for your awareness ❤

@DobermanDanK9 2 ай бұрын

What would your signs be that he was a covert narc, can I ask? Just on a similar journey myself

@mexican_wbc9946 2 ай бұрын

What made you think he was a sociopath ? I don’t want people thinking I am one

@wangcheng3940 2 ай бұрын

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

@laurawheeler-px6oz 2 ай бұрын

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back

@wangcheng3940 2 ай бұрын

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her/him?

@laurawheeler-px6oz 2 ай бұрын

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

@wangcheng3940 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

@johncorey2472 2 ай бұрын

Same thing just happened to me man. Hang in there we're gonna make it.

@user-cb2xm5pm3q 2 ай бұрын

I think that many people who are secure, don't automatically know the dynamics of this type of attachment. So, perhaps if a Secure understood these dynamics.....you would see this. But, as a secure who didn't know about attachment......eventually the secure person just gets frustrated and rejects the whole relationship after a period of time. Because its all so confusing when its happening in front of you in real time.

@sheliasmith2884 2 ай бұрын

I'm secure I can write a book I studied for years trying to understand him because of my love and understanding. But after 2years of begging for attention which I don't normally do and the ghosting etc I had to walk away because my mental health and health was on the line.

@DobermanDanK9 2 ай бұрын

Correct, not all secure attachers know the ins and outs. We might know about boundaries but never really enforced them. We may know behaviours are coming from a place of fear but unaware of attachment. What I will say is that these dynamics are fantastic at opening avenues we're yet to discover. Become aware of it, learn from it, and implement it

@master1153 2 ай бұрын

I don’t think avoidant people realize that in self soothing however they need to, it’s extremely self absorbed when they decided to share a life w someone. Get over yourself, take a long hard look in the mirror and understand the real world doesn’t wait for anyone. This is a valid reason to be distant but it’s no excuse. Not as an adult. And if that’s too hard, stop dating.

@dragonflymagictarot1180 2 ай бұрын

For real, that stonewalling and silent treatment bullshit is fuckin annoying. Adults should be able to communicate and move forward with a solution, specially if they love and care about each other.

@paulfitzpatrick6566 Ай бұрын

I’d have to agree. Avoidant people who are unable to progress in life & in relationships should not date. I have a ladyfriend who fits this personality type perfectly & she hasn’t dated for 9 years. It is not acceptable for her ( & it was me who counselled her in this ) to enter into any friendship or deeper relationship if she has no intention of progressing herself within it. At this stage, ( she’s just reached 30 ), she’s too far gone to enter into a relationship that will survive. She’s emotionally unstable & stunted, as she has not experienced male/female relationships in almost a decade. No man will take her on as in the West, if a woman is still single & hasn’t dated for this length of time, it’s Game Over. Guys her age are in stable marriages, the only available guys are early to mid twenties who will not be looking at a 30yr old as a potential partner. Even if she found a man who has become recently single, he won’t take her on as she’s emotionally immature. An older man may, one who has the life experience & maturity to deal with her, but will she want a guy 10-20 years her senior? She hasn’t got the maturity to recognise what an older man can offer, nor will she be able to deal with it.

@missmadelinesadventures3278 Ай бұрын

@@dragonflymagictarot1180 you are posting here swearing in a safe forum. It would be hard to express vulnerability to someone who reacts this way.

@ladyeowyn42 Ай бұрын

It’s the internet, profanity is allowed

@paulfitzpatrick6566 Ай бұрын

@@ladyeowyn42 profanity is not allowed. 🚫 All anyone has to do is flag the comment & KZfaq will remove it. People who swear online show that they lack self control. The point however that is being made is understandable, in a perfect world. But the world is not perfect as it is populated by sinners. Adults rarely communicate in a manner that is acceptable, which is why we have law courts. The divorce rate proves that adults are unable to move forward with solution. In the US, ( I’m in the UK ), the divorce rate is 3 out of 5 marriages. A highly unacceptable number. However, it is proof that people are incapable of moving forward in communication ( the number one thing that breaks down relationships ) & resolving issues.

@sleepyjoeatemyiceacream 2 ай бұрын

They recognize that these are very broken people incapable of a mature relationship and they walk away.

@cherylwilsherlimberlife7210 20 күн бұрын

Owch 😢

@jalen.williams.the.artist 2 ай бұрын

I dated an avoidant as a secure attached person, however, with the avoidant, I was anxious. I think my experience has less to do with attachment style and more to do with knowing what you want in a relationship while choosing to settle for less than that. I was looking for the same security in the relationship that is reminiscent to the security that I was exposed to during childhood.

@Jaguarsnake 2 ай бұрын

This made me cry. I want the freedom to process alone inside before I share with someone else. It hurts so bad when people get hurt by me needing my own process before i can share. The possibility of someone actually understanding, as securely attached people do, moves me to tears.

@bornthisway3360 2 ай бұрын

Wow!! Good job for even being able to articulate that. My DA really has grown and in the last few months he has built the courage to tell me the "why". ... I was in tears when he did. I knew that it was hard for him.

@BracaPhoto 2 ай бұрын

Guaranteed you would never reapproach the subject - what if "your time" is exactly what they needed ??

@jenna_maria 2 ай бұрын

The problem arrives when avoidants never share or don‘t voice their needs. I would‘ve been able to work with hearing a “Sorry I need time and space to process“ even once, instead I was given “nah I‘m not feeling any way about this, let‘s change the subject“. Understanding what you need is already half the deal, good job on being self-reflected 👏🏻

@amongincissymonica2806 Ай бұрын

Take your time processing g...i don't think explaining yourself to other people will help them understand you they'll just get more reasons to criticise you...just let it go unless you can't then don't. But make sure they hate you after that, they'll stop bothering you

@cmichole Ай бұрын

It's not that people don't respect how you may need to process things. The problem is that avoidants do not give as much as they take. They want everyone else to be understanding of them but will do nothing and make no changes to have healthier relationships with other people. My advice, get help. We may understand but we won't tolerate it. No sane person will put up with being ignored, ghosted, silenced, etc. all in the name of your process.

@stormyskyz7881 2 ай бұрын

I think I’m over debating for someone that wants to leave to stay. I’m happy with someone walking away.

@Luis913Barroeta 2 ай бұрын

I used to be an FA who would stonewall on purpose out of spite/frustration and not knowing how to express my emotions. Finding PDS and healing my attachment traumas has been the most life changing and liberating thing I ever have done. Thank you Thais ❤

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 2 ай бұрын

I'm so happy to hear you found PDS and did the work to heal your attachment traumas 🤗

@wolvie_b 2 ай бұрын

How do you feel like you got past the desire to be punitive and punish them though?

@Luis913Barroeta 2 ай бұрын

@@wolvie_b by understanding my anger was a trigger of built up trauma that i would then take out by stonewalling, using my words harshly. understanding myself on a deeper level and healing those wounds. thus not coping in the way I would in past

@misterabsurd 2 ай бұрын

I can't keep doing this. I give her the space she needs. Next thing I know she's asking to see me again, so we spent time together. It's great, but then she gets overwhelmed and is pushing me away again. Rinse and repeat.

@LeeChrissy 2 ай бұрын

It can only repeat if you let it.

@ctsmith1388 2 ай бұрын

Get out of there! I know it’s hard but it will slowly shred you apart

@miakamei1751 Ай бұрын

Maybe she needs counseling.

@ASaTraveler11 2 ай бұрын

Full credits to Thais for doing these videos. They’re great for those learning about DAs. At the end of the day, what kind of self-respect, or lack thereof, one has to have to tolerate DA behaviors when SAs exist? They’re not going to fight for you, have productive communications with you to solve problems together, or learn to integrate into each other’s life. It’s a relationship at 80% discount. I don’t know how those who have had healthy relationships with secured partner will take this deal. It’s basically babysitting a full-grown adult.

@13sprintuser 2 ай бұрын

Wow, you saying “it’s a relationship at an 80% discount” that really resonated with me! Why put up with this when there are many securely attached people out there? Avoidants that don’t work on themselves will always take the “me vs you” rather than “us vs the problem” approach

@Mooncookie954 2 ай бұрын

Depends what you’re looking for. I grew up with a raging violent FA mom so the calm of a DA was soothing. I find APs too clingy, anxious, and exhausting.

@SunshineAndSnowflakes 2 ай бұрын

@@Mooncookie954 I agree. I love DA's. ❤

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 2 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing your viewpoint and I appreciate the compliment. If an insecure attachment style is aware and willing to do the work, they can heal to become securely attached ❤‍🩹

@ASaTraveler11 2 ай бұрын

@@13sprintuser Agreed, the "us vs the problem" is extremely critical for healthy relationships. And the avoidants run when the conflict is brought up... so.. 🤷‍♀

@buellerferris 2 ай бұрын

I could never give an avoidant this many chances.

@beautebybri 2 ай бұрын

You're so right. I'm on my 4th chance and it's enough. I let him end it this time. His ego needed it. But no more I miss you I'm sorry give me one more chance. He's exhausting!

@SaintlessRex 2 ай бұрын

I'm sorry both of you had to go through that, this girl plays hot and cold and ghosts me, so I've been ghosting her for the last few weeks for no contact

@jamesinalaska907 2 ай бұрын

Yeah. It way too much. And just tired of it.

@temposhop8739 2 ай бұрын

@@SaintlessRexyou should ghost her forever. An avoidant likely will come back as long as the relationship seems salvageable to them, but will never give you consistency. The one I was with called me months after breaking up with me the final time. I just said, "nah, I don't think so" and said my last goodbye. So glad I did.

@SaintlessRex 2 ай бұрын

@@temposhop8739 if she blocks every man in her phone and starts going to therapy, and shows me proof that she's going there, then I'd give her a chance. I am not her punching bag and I'm not going to be treated as an option. If she shows me this then she will get another chance. I just don't know how to bring it up when she starts messaging me again

@dawnash3950 Ай бұрын

When people pull away to protect themselves it is sometimes because past experience has taught them that talking may make it worse. All depends on the other person too. They may not be ashamed of self soothing techniques, but prefer to take longer to understand their own feelings and reduce the risk of getting into further unhelpful conflicts with their partner.

@chrismaxwell1624 2 ай бұрын

I'd be curious how attachment style meshes autism. I'm on the spectrum and secure attachment style according my psychologist and I'd agree with that. My wife is an Fearful Avoidant. I've read securely attached people and fearful avoidant rarely work out yet 24 years and counting. I think my is lot more secure now than when I we first met in 2000. I think many of autistic traits worked out in our favor 1) my brutal honesty 2) my need for space 3) my interests and talking about just odd things 4) the fact I don't recognize things tone of voice, body language very well 5) I'm very logical and assertive 6) I have meltdown so her dramatic outbursts seemed lot like my meltdowns so never took it personally Just something that peeked my curiosity

@wendydavid9076 2 ай бұрын

Turning their backs on you in bed , not even saying goodnight or kissing you , like your begging for them to cuddle you , I’m done now 7 yrs no more

@sheliasmith2884 2 ай бұрын

Same here I felt alone when we were together.

@repentjesusiscomingsoon1529 2 ай бұрын

@@sheliasmith2884 Same here, from what both of you said!!!! Mine was COMPLETELY unaffectionate!! I'M SO DONE! It just killed my spirit.

@Seraphina93 2 ай бұрын

My avoidant told me I was like that so I’d act like he wanted and didn’t even let me cuddle like I wanted, it goes both ways

@tinam3822 2 ай бұрын

Same thing happened to me….textbook covert narcissist play…hold back affection and use the silent treatment. We all deserve someone who is emotionally available to us!

@nadinablagajcevic5014 2 ай бұрын

This also happened to me.. I felt so alone, especially in bed

@ivya3242 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for your vids. My avoidant ex broke up with me 5 days ago. I have watched lots of your vid and they have been very helpful, and I tried hard to learn to communicate in healthy ways to keep a relationship. Even I have a secure attachment style, it was not easy for me to put up with his behaviors; such as, dismiss/ neglect my feeling, mistreat, verbal abuse etc. Anyway, your vids definitely help me to spot a better partner in the future. Thank you again. 🙏🏻

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 2 ай бұрын

Awe I'm sorry to hear your relationship didn't work out. I'm glad you found my channel and are getting value from it! You deserve someone who treats you right! ❤

@sheliasmith2884 2 ай бұрын

Same here we deserve better and we give them so many chances it really started to effect my heath.

@yocelynlepe3693 Күн бұрын

I didn’t realize I had an avoidance attachment style until my last relationship ended. It was not a healthy relationship either way, and my coping mechanism (according to my therapist) was to run away and self-isolate. I grew up with emotionally unavailable parents who only provided material things. I am now single and healing, and looking forward to being more open and communicative. My therapist also told me that somewhere along my life, I lost “my voice” and in my previous relationships I let people take my kindness for weakness. I am so grateful that many of us are healing and seeking professional help. I am a single mom to a 9 year old boy and I want him to grow up feeling loved and validated 💖

@steffiekensley8743 2 ай бұрын

I respectfully question if this is exactly what people with a secure attachment style would do, especially if that attachment style is earned. In an earned secure attachment style, there may be far less of a compulsion to "fix" a relationship that the other party isn't participating in. If someone feels secure being both dismissive and avoidant, some of us may choose to just let them. We have nothing to prove to ourselves and we might not want to put ourselves in a "pick me" situation. It's OK if the dismissive avoidant, dismisses and avoids and it's OK for a secure person to remain secure, allowing the DA to do what's comfortable for them without sitting in wait. It seems to me, the first step for a lot of us might actually be getting clear about what we want. If the person with a secure attachment style wants to work for closeness with a DA, they may do exactly this. Yet, there may be some of us with a secure attachment style who are copasetic releasing a DA to their own devices, creature comforts and other priorities because we recognize those are their choices and expressions of their free will - whether based on subconscious programming or not - and perhaps our priorities don't align and that's OK. I'd rather put effort into someone whose relationship priorities do align and who's proven they want to learn to transcend their childhood programming. The reality is a lot of people don't want to do that and we don't have to challenge that. We can just let them be without "fixing," over-giving and under-receiving or perpetually jockeying against other priorities to be seen, heard or even just acknowledged.

@LeeChrissy 2 ай бұрын

What a healthy perspective. ❤

@desiemehrabian1133 2 ай бұрын

I found her suggested scripts really helpful

@steffiekensley8743 2 ай бұрын

@@desiemehrabian1133 Oh good, I'm glad it worked for you.

@StephanieKraft 2 ай бұрын

Yes, Steffie. Well said.

@cinthiagoch 2 ай бұрын

I'm going through this process with a friend. I know it's not the same as a romantic relationship, but the DA patterns are there, and they're very strong. At first I'd be anxious when they'd go days without answering, I'd think I did something wrong, then they'd answer me as if no time had passed at all. I eventually became more secure in our interactions (at the beginning of our friendship I was going through a lot of other things that made me more anxious too, not just this relationship). When I finally accepted that that was their pattern, I stopped asking for explanations and reassurance, and that made my friend open up more too, because they felt I truly understood their needs to be alone at times. Now they initiate conversation and seek my company as much as I do theirs, I just don't disturb them when they're in "retreat" mode, and they make a little extra effort to talk or even meet me than they normally would with other friends. And it was so easy to pick up on their cues and their needs, even as friends, when we don't see each other as often as people in a romantic relationship would. If I had the patience to do that for a friend, I can't imagine not being able to show the same grace and patience to a partner, if not more.

@trevorwilliamson6305 2 ай бұрын

This is an absolute gem of a video. I experienced this exact scenario with my avoidant girlfriend who stonewalled me and I had no idea why. Unfortunately, at that time I did not have the communication skills to handle her behaviour and I mirrored back exactly what she was doing. The relationship as good as ended right there. I wish I had been able to access the tools that a Securely attached person takes for granted. I may have been able to save the relationship. I am a work in progress and your videos are a tremendous help to someone like me who totally neglected emotionally as a child. Thankyou Thais, you are improving the awareness and lives of many people by teaching this important subject off attachment.👍

@WisdomWorldrx Ай бұрын

The soul lesson of the avoidants partner is one detachment … and two analyzing the parts of yourself that are also avoidant whether it’s in relationships or elsewhere as you probably wouldn’t have attracted or be attracted to such a parter if this behavior doesn’t exists with in….detachment allows us to bond with another without taking their behavior personally. You’re able to engage in the experience from a place of objectivity and understanding

@ohlamaria697 2 ай бұрын

This feels like directions to talk to a toddler. I'm sorry, I don't have enough time in my life to educate a partner on how to be a decent human being. My approach its like natural selection: we are adults, we communicate and do the work so the relationships have the chance to work. I can't be "respectful" of someone else's need to desapear and still offer love in return. It feels like letting someone have tantrums and I don't do that.

@amongincissymonica2806 Ай бұрын

That's why am going to get a very demanding job, so that I have the perfect excuse to be left alone when she asks what's wrong I'll just tell her work and bounce for like a week, come back on the weekend to watch football repeat next week

@ancaioanastoica5884 Ай бұрын

Thats not going to work. Maybe for a bit, but a secure person would tell you that you need to make time for the relationship. Otherwise they'll leave ... theres a reason most workaholic careers (doctors, lawyers, etc) tend to have high divorce rates. But it's your life so, if that makes you happy, go for it. Just don't drag someone into it @amongincissymonica2806

@zaihany Ай бұрын

@@amongincissymonica2806that is absolutely not a good excuse and is not very respectful of the other persons needs or desires 😊

@Moe90ies 2 ай бұрын

I’m a fearfull avoidant and I’m so proud of myself for being able to do this now, even though I’m dying of fear inside 😂

@beehappycoleman7159 8 күн бұрын

I love the approach of being secure and pointing calmly ushering things out with an avoidant. This works for me the first few months. But then it continued without improvement or taking part in suggestions to use books together or workbooks. Next came stonewalling and Defensiveness. Denial, deflection. Over a period of 5 to 6 months, I could feel my brain literally changing and I was beginning to research videos and articles and books on what was going wrong. That’s when I knew I needed to leave. I had long before put in secure effort from books and videos, I had watched in prior years. Things I had taught myself because I’m interested in emotional intelligence And self improvement. Communication. I know that there’s a certain point in time where we need to know when to hold them and fold them. When to walk away and run. I walked away after 10 months of couples counseling. I found out that my DA was also likely Alexathymic. I ended up in anxious preoccupied State. It would’ve been different if we weren’t triggering one another. But it was spiraling. I left. That was me, loving him. That was me, loving myself. Walking away from the path of it all.

@EminDemiri-le6gq 2 ай бұрын

Thais, you bring light into this world! Thank you for helping us understand each other. We are all human beings with emotions and feelings, at the end of the day, regardless of our attachment style. Much love from Germany!

@emangrabogadi4613 2 ай бұрын

Yup, this is how I communicate with my DA co-parent, and he always responds well but not fully in a way that is clear-sometimes I just give up so as to move the conversation forward and observe his actions more. Its not easy though- as sometimes this behavior triggers my FA wounds but as time goes on- both of us are getting better at communication, and as an SA- I don't take his behaviour personally but I always clearly communicate my boundaries, while he responds with one sentence completely logically! lol, it gets really exhausting.....but whenever I give him a boundary that if he doesn't respect, I''ll just leave- he always makes effort. So, I am confused if its breadcrumbing of some sort- because its almost like he subconsciously doesn't want to let our bond go, when I go no contact- he makes a lot of effort and becomes sweet and when I reciprocate, he talks to me like he wants to friendzone me haha and I am constantly like IM NOT YOUR BUDDY 🤣 cause I still am working on completely getting over him.

@gtzrunnaz 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for your videos. They have really helped me understand my dismissive avoidant partner.

@inquisitivewanderer2536 2 ай бұрын

Gold. Thank you for sharing such great tips for all of us!

@Dw3nG6K 2 ай бұрын

Im back on this channel after quite some time. I think I discovered you back when COVID started and I had just been broken up. I had realised that my ex was a dismissive avoidant and your videos helped me in understanding him, his reactions back then, myself and also explain behaviours of other past relationships. I thank you for all the content you have created and thus helping people understand themselves and their partners and how to navigate through the different attachment styles. It is so important for the personal growth of people.

@iiAngelic 2 ай бұрын

The video editing was soo good!!! ❤❤❤ definitely needed this topic as well

@imsocorkyy 2 ай бұрын

this is so helpful! in my last relationship, i had scenario 2 play out a lot and i would lean into acceptance but stating also what i need. where i struggle was communicating a plan with them because otherwise it always kept falling apart. this is super helpful to now know to do!

@DezMarivette Ай бұрын

I’m related to stonewalling people. I definitely recognize avoidance in myself and totally resonate with the shutting down and struggling to communicate. For me I’ve experienced that moment as an overwhelm of thoughts, actions, defeatism to those actions, disruptive reactions from the person I’m struggling to communicate with, and all of this behind my prone form, where I KNOW I am neither moving nor talking. When I was growing up it was much harder to pull myself out of it. Now if that happens in someone’s company I can pause and simply say “I’m trying to put my thoughts into words.” Watching your video feels like a script to find a secure way to respond when that trigger gets hit. Thank you!

@awakening-games 2 ай бұрын

I believe that both being “intentionally” ignoring or “non intentional” is coming from wounding … I don’t believe that one is coming from a better place than another …. I believe that when people are reactive (more aggressive) or they numb (passive aggressive) they are equally wounded …

@ABlackCrayonEater 2 ай бұрын

Hey there Mrs Gibson, love your content. I’ve been recommending as many people that will listen. Liked and subscribed. Congratulations on all the lives you’ve changed.

@BmoreBetterNOW 2 ай бұрын

Let people who need counseling & healing get counseling & healing. Receiving love from someone else while your broken & feel undeserving of love is only helpful to the person when that love is from God. Other human beings do not have the ability to be as long-suffering as God is & we shouldn’t be because we get damaged in the process. So let your love for the people show up in how often you pray for them or lead them in the right direction when they come around (without doing the work) thinking they desire relationship with you. If they really want to be in your life they need to come as more healthy versions of themselves. They need to do the work. No excuses.

@mputube 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for this video. I have been struggling to interpret and manage my DA’s avoidance behaviours when a dispute occurs. I’m an AP (beginning to lean towards secure attachment - thanks to your Personal Development School range of courses) but it’s still too easy to go from harmony to hostility in moments; sometimes because I said a few words the wrong way or she (my DA) presumed/assumed something I didn’t intend. That’s when the distance or emotional separation begins, often for hours (or more) and there seems little room for reasoning. She gets stuck in a sad place and seems to only see and recall the bad times in our relationship - as if she if about to leave and gathering evidence for this. It’s so hard.. It would be so helpful to have more videos like this exploring typical real life tricky scenarios such that I can model the words or actions that those with a secure attachment would adopt to move forward in a healthy way. Thank you once again for your commitment to this important work.

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for your share! I appreciate your feedback and am happy to hear you found PDS. Keep up your great work on your healing journey to secure attachment ❤

@Keffin1 2 ай бұрын

Just the video I needed. Thank you Thais!

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 2 ай бұрын

🤗

@EmilyKapur-ld9ed 2 ай бұрын

I don’t think securely attached people will put up with this DA behaviour DA s won’t just bing eat some cheat and move to other paterners as a soothing mechanism Don’t waste your time They can never make that connection with you You can be compassionate but don’t give them a place in your heart

@meredithjoy2 Ай бұрын

Wow this is amazing!! Thank you for actually giving exact examples of what to say so I can understand better. This is what is missing in a lot of self help stuff. It’s a lot of theory. I need exact words to say so I can understand how to speak

@blissfulessence8707 2 ай бұрын

Ty I truly like ur vid, I tend to have a hard time putting concerns into words bc I tend to block ppl out. It's normally how I get my peace

@EllaKeller-rx4tv Ай бұрын

This video was very thorough. Thank you for the information.

@annakolenkova7060 Ай бұрын

Thank you for this video, very practical examples, so helpful ❤

@aishashfa4425 Ай бұрын

Thank you so much for this !

@gregorystinette8271 2 ай бұрын

I usually just mirror their behavior & walk away; they are way too much trouble. Woof !

@sheliasmith2884 2 ай бұрын

Same

@niktendo2000 2 ай бұрын

Model before mirroring, always

@gregorystinette8271 2 ай бұрын

@@niktendo2000/ why ?

@desiemehrabian1133 2 ай бұрын

That’s the hard part - now I’m withdrawing too so if both people do that there’s nothing g left so it’s worth a little effort to see how it goes. If no change then rethink. I came up with some goals and see if we can come up with the way to attain them together so it’s not just all about me or being g high maintenance.

@niktendo2000 2 ай бұрын

@gregorystinette8271 Smoke and mirrors is the domain of narcissists. DA and FA are not that. Imo they (generally) lack the cognitive structural framework to develop a complex interdependent secure bond in a romantic relationship. Not through choice, not through being difficult, not through selfishness. Rather it's root will often be traced back to them being unable to process a number of emotionally unfulfilled or incomplete experiences in early childhood as they do not have the required brain scaffolding in place to understand an experience, and rather tragically for them they do not have a primary caregiver who is able to meet their emotional needs which is the only way they can experience the world at that age. This can then lead to a mirroring of their primary caregiver's limited range of emotional bandwidth. These experiences are incorporated into their sense of self and this is all they know, how they are. By mirroring their behaviour you are re-inforcing their incomplete and unintegrated identity. In essence you are pretty much becoming them through a similar maladaptive defense or coping mechanism. By modelling the behaviour you believe is mutually beneficial you give them the opportunity to visualise and process a different experience to the one they know and expect. It doesn't mean your modelling will lead to an outcome you desire but divesting yourself of the outcome and staying authentic to the behaviours you value gives your DA/FA the opportunity to mirror something other than what they know. If it doesn't happen it doesn't happen. Mirroring is a short-term stop-gap measure which is very unlikely to encourage any kind of lasting or meaningful change. Modelling is far from a guarantee but it is always better than mirroring.

@angelinpdx2297 2 ай бұрын

💥💜💥 Perfect advice, thank you! 💥💜💥

@dentrout9383 2 ай бұрын

Keep going please! Thank God for you Thais, Mrs. G! 😊❤❤❤

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 2 ай бұрын

❤

@danielleglen7869 8 күн бұрын

Wow, this is such great information!

@Openhearted2024 2 ай бұрын

I love how you model the words spoken

@rdawkins22 2 ай бұрын

What do you do when you employ these strategies--i.e. directly calling out behavior in a kind, safe way--but the DA/FA lashes out and accuses you of pathologizing them or they turn resentful for 'placing blame' on them for the relationship dynamic in question?

@user-od1fm3hs9c 2 ай бұрын

You don't chase them and you don't take on them deflecting issues on to you. If someone is not willing to work and is very defensive when you are trying to work on things, then walk away. There is only so many times you can keep giving them options to work on the relationship. Being with a DA can be painful. It can also be lonely and frustrating. You can't force someone to think like you and you can't force someone to heal if they don't want to or are not ready.

@Littleowl85352 2 ай бұрын

Ask yourself honestly if they have a point. Could you be focussing only on their flaws and attempting to get them to play the dance without your taking accountability as well?

@averagejane09 2 ай бұрын

I just discovered your channel. Amazing information. Very well explained and I appreciate that you point out the importance of the intentions. Two people could be doing the same behaviours but have totally different motivations which very much changes the approach. Thank you for pointing out that stonewalling behaviour done out of spite is a red flag for potential covert behaviour. This is not something we should dance around in order to protect ourselves. I understand we can't rush to diagnose someone but good to be aware. I think I may be dealing with this. How to determine that spite is the motivation though. I guess it goes hand in hand with other behaviours.

@honeybun0007 2 ай бұрын

Insightful

@andreaalexis1484 20 күн бұрын

Here's some advice for you that isn't dismissive or agreeing either: just focus on your own things and then if they want to come to you let them, or don't. But don't preoccupy yourself with it because it's not worth it. If you can't handle not having your partner around regularly then you need to work on self improvement instead of attention seeking, dismissing, or getting anxious. Just take care of you first. Don't get possessive over it. Remember your own self identity is important too. Just trying to be fair and balanced, and I'm a relatively preoccupied type. Just don't forget about you, thats all it comes down to in the end.

@SCnative64 Ай бұрын

I'm FA and lost an incredibly wonderful woman. I mean, it would take a miracle for her to warmly contact me again, from another state no less. SO I found PDS, learned about attachment styles, became more aware of my childhood traumas (a 5 year old should NEVER see or experience what I did before our Grandparents took us), got into NA to help me kick my addiction that I was in our entire 4 years, and before. I also took the PDS breakup course, trying to equilibrate my feeling like a horrible human being. I finished it in 1 day, writing 10 to 12 hours straight for dear life. Our drive to seek pleasure, and avoid or get out of pain is not to be underestimated. I was also layed off my job, so double whammy. I'm hoping to know what it feels like to be in a healthy. awesome relationship with compatibility, and chemistry. I'm 60 years old now. I look much younger, so I'm told! I love to mountain bike and work out hard, but this one took the wind from my sails and the color from my life.

@juliet8678 20 күн бұрын

This is REALLY excellent advice (I watched it 3x), especially the example of what words to use to communicate to the person stonewalling... thanks!🙏💖 In the midst of the strong emotions of the conflict, it's difficult to make sane, rational, and loving word choices.

@ezfamtv7838 2 ай бұрын

Thanks for your videos

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 2 ай бұрын

❤

@pauldevincenti9427 Ай бұрын

You are incredible.

@markcafebrown2883 2 ай бұрын

Great job Thais

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 2 ай бұрын

❤

@summmer77 Ай бұрын

- If they ghost: call it our directly - If they fade: call it out 4:04 understanding while considering your own needs: 8:30

@beaker7353 2 ай бұрын

Trouble is your damned if your strong and put your boundaries in at the start. And your damned if your loving to them. I genuinely think i couldn't have avoided the breakup either way. As i asked for more communication in the beginning, fed up with being breadcrumbed. My message would go unopened for 2/3 day's 😢 i believed it was my problem like he told me it was. So took the nice approach. Cruelly discarded like a piece of shit on the bottom of his shoe 😢

@repentjesusiscomingsoon1529 2 ай бұрын

Same!!!!

@Littleowl85352 2 ай бұрын

It sounds like they simply weren't all that interested in a relationship with you and you must learn to not take that personally

@beaker7353 2 ай бұрын

@repentjesusiscomingsoon1529 really. God I didn't think anybody could identify with my situation. Truly heartbreaking 💔

@Seraphina93 2 ай бұрын

Try this: Make it so they see no social media Don’t meet them Don’t call text or check on them Make it so they see u don’t look at their social media. Delete account if need be. Be invisible, go radiosilent. Go away for 1-2 weeks. Cry do whatever. Take care of yourself. Approach if they reach out. Try again if not in 2 weeks. In general no contact helps. Learn how to say things not in a needy childish way „x hurt me and I’m also sorry for my behavior, I missed u“ but not „you always do x“, never ever think of yourself as dirt again. X

@sunnyjim369 2 ай бұрын

Thankyou ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤!!!

@denysebriggs1613 Ай бұрын

That's me...self protective. I wish i had this information in January . Still grieving about the end of what i thought was a good relationship.

@Quixote1818 2 ай бұрын

Shouldn't they be getting therapy to really work on the root cause of all this? This is fine for "getting along" but doesn't seem to be really fixing the actual problem which is healing their childhood trauma.

@Littleowl85352 2 ай бұрын

Well you're quite right in a sense because it's not a partner's role to save or fix their partner. I will say most therapy often isn't quite suitable for dismissive avoidants at least because the trust issues make it very hard to connect with a therapist. But us avoidants do need to take charge of our own healing process... I use these videos and similar... yoga, meditation and the gym. But I would be horrified if I had a partner trying to take charge of this healing process for me.

@Quixote1818 2 ай бұрын

@@Littleowl85352 I used to be a dismissive avoidant as well, mostly from several siblings dying suddenly when I was little and failing school from being dyslexic. (Now I am a writer). I couldn't figure out why I couldn't continue to love someone. I finally tried to stay in a relationship to see if the love would return. It wasn't happening and so the woman broke up with me because I couldn't love them back which they had every right to do. She suggested my childhood trauma may be the issue which I hadn't ever thought of and I decided to get counseling. I had several very patient partners who gave me space or were avoidant as well, but ultimately those relationships still failed because the old negative messages needed to be dealt with. At least for me, the counseling is what really helped me and I had minimal trust issues with the therapist other than it took awhile to be totally honest with them. The movie Goodwill Hunting was a movie that had an impact on me in helping me understand what was going on.

@zainabrose96 2 ай бұрын

amazing

@trinaija 2 ай бұрын

I need you to release alllll the videos at once Thais! Because i am handling it in stages that are coming before the video! And then retreating back into my FA self lol 😅😅😅

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 2 ай бұрын

😅

@LOrguedeJulianne Ай бұрын

This video helped me. I see.... I did nothing wrong. I tried exactly these strategies with my avoidant ex and it was the only thing and best thing I could do. but she wasn't ready and in the end I found myself thinking I am totally on the anxious side, but reflected on myself and left the person in the end, because.... sometimes you can try and communicate your needs in a healthy communication, but when they dont understand.... it would be just too painful to stay in this and all you can do it leave and move on. sad but true.

@SummitMan165 2 ай бұрын

Good tricks to try on my avoidant partner !! 😎😎

@sifublack192 2 ай бұрын

Saw my SA side come out in this video. Although I admit I only tell them twice, lol.

@sinking1902 15 күн бұрын

I think the “fearful avoidants” use this label as an excuse when they just aren’t that into you…There is simply only one solution in all scenarios…Walk away, there is a better person out there for you.

@carissa4110 2 ай бұрын

At the end, you remind viewers to like , share, & subscribe. I try to remember to like videos, so with the multiple format changes YT has made in the last couple years, the push for vertical videos (thanks, TikTok) has reoriented the way the ads push upward on the YT app, at least on iOS. It is so hard anymore to swipe away the ads that cover your comments and description section. I had to X out of the video after it ended and reopen it and rewatch the ad again. Then the other ad pushed up from below and took over the screen. Ugh. I miss the simple KZfaq era.

@dragonflymagictarot1180 2 ай бұрын

I think I have a secure attachment but I wasn’t that kind. I was annoyed af to be honest and then later I said, “I’m sorry but this silent treatment doesn’t work out for me. We’re adults, let’s find a solution and let’s talk about how to avoid this in the future” but he was like “I don’t see a future with you because you talk to me too professional “ He said I was a robot. That i treated the relationship like a business because I wanted to talk about how we can move forward from silly arguments. No one has time to argue about a kitten who’s scared. My argument was, leave her alone, let her get use to the space, do NOT chase her around and let her come to you. He was forcing the kitten, chasing her, talking shit about how the cat wasn’t jumping like a dog and giving him attention. Stupidity and the dumbest argument and then “I don’t see a future with you” like a bucket of cold water after telling me I was going to be his future wife.

@Littleowl85352 2 ай бұрын

Dodged a bullet, anyone who mistreats a cat is not okay

@Seraphina93 2 ай бұрын

Um animal cruelty beats being w your partner doesn’t it

@dragonflymagictarot1180 2 ай бұрын

I felt like he wanted to be the center of attention- and when the kitten did not respond well to him his fragile ego fell apart. I wanted to keep the kitten and I had her here for a week with me and she was improving in her fear etc. I worry more about the kitten than I do about him…

@dragonflymagictarot1180 2 ай бұрын

@@Littleowl85352 yeah, honestly that shit annoyed me a lot. Cats aren’t dogs. And dogs will come to the door and celebrate you but not all cats specially kittens will do this. He said the cat was ungrateful and I told him she was happy with me in my home. It was a stupid argument from a childish man… I still want to get the kitten out of his home but I wouldn’t know how.

@dragonflymagictarot1180 2 ай бұрын

@@Seraphina93 no that’s not what I meant. He had been complaining about the behavior of this kitten for months. I had found her a happy home with a lady that adores cats and she and her son were so excited. This SOB did not want to give her up because he felt bad about it. I was like but you don’t have the patience! Let someone else love her properly! And he said he would try with her again bla bla bla and I had to tell the lady that shit guy was keeping her. It made me so mad because why? Do you want to keep someone or something that you’re complaining about constantly and you’re talking shit about? Why be that selfish! Why not allow the kitten to be in a home where she is loved. I would’ve kept her myself but I already have two cats and my apartment limit is two. But I wanted to take her away from him and I did, for a week… I swear this kitten was the sweetest loving baby. And I wish I could get her back and just hide her from the landlord

@smokingcrab2290 14 күн бұрын

An avoidant can make the most secure person go absolutely insane. Especially in marriage. My wife is avoidant and her avoidance of problem solving, bonding, responsiblity, etc has destroyed 99% of my love for her.

@poogissploogis 12 күн бұрын

This is exactly what I'm hoping to prevent. I love my partner but his avoidance of all important problem-solving conversations is starting to stir up resentment in me. I've approached every conversation with understanding and compassion and it still doesn't get me anywhere. It's frustrating when you've done all you can but the other partner won't do their half. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience, that's horrible. 💔

@tin6413 2 ай бұрын

This is beautiful i would love to know more about secure attachment styles. How does secure attachment reacts from being criticised?

@paulfitzpatrick6566 Ай бұрын

Depends on whether the criticism is valid. Very often it is the result of a projection or a perceived intention that has made the fearful avoidant feel exactly that. Fearful. My lady has only ever once criticised in 15 years, when she did, we had a converse initiated by me, after I gave her the reflection time she needed. She also needed to see, that her reaction did not upset me.

@emilyh7982 2 ай бұрын

where is the link for the free script page? I see links for the script / communication masterclass as well as a link to a free trial for a membership

@TheRabalicious 2 ай бұрын

When the response to a call out is DARVO then what do you recommend?

@CarolinaChickadee1 21 күн бұрын

Enjoyed the video! So is the scripting free as you mentioned in the video, or does it require a paid subscription? That’s the way it appears when I follow the link, it requires a pd subscription to access

@gwenethmoir 2 ай бұрын

Hello Thais Gibson, and School of Development colleagues, Thank you for your great work and accessible videos. My question today is how a person with secure attachment and poor communication skills would communicate with an avoidant partner. After watching this video, my understanding is that the example of how a securely attached person responds implies that this securely attached person is also a good communicator. Thank you for your attention to this question, and for the great work you and your team do. Best regards, Gweneth

@paulfitzpatrick6566 Ай бұрын

The answer is plain, you’ve already stated it. You need to cultivate better communication skills.

@KarenLum 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing scripts! I’m not sure if I’m missing something, but I can’t find the link to the free scripts?

@ArifKhan-pz8dd 2 ай бұрын

@HaloHuntress 2 ай бұрын

I did something very similar to this but he completely shut me out and started dating almost immediately after I left the house soooo I'm leaning towards narcissist now. He couldn't seem to care less about the relationship no matter how calm and understanding I am.

@psznt 2 күн бұрын

Hi - I don't find the link for the free scripts. Could you link it please?

@LostSoulSearching Ай бұрын

It's called "Grey-Walling" when a victim of abs does it. "Stonewalling is the same thing with a DIFFERENT intent. My husband Stonewalls me, I Grey-wall him out if fear.

@rachelmel 2 ай бұрын

I'm not seeing any free scripts or course at all. When I click on the link it's asking for full payment.

@capturedbyfaeries Ай бұрын

As a secure person, you don't take the avoidant's behavior personally. Their lack of showing up has nothing to do with your worth and value, don't take it personally. It's about them and their stuff. Knowing this, helps the secure person to call out the Avoidant's behavior in a safe harmonious way... without any volatility or hostility towards them, because you know it's not about you as a person.

@wendymccolm Ай бұрын

if someone did this for me, I think I could easily do my best to come out of it

@noraneagoe2423 Ай бұрын

for these kind of dynamics to work one has to be healthy and communicate a lot, if borh dont communicate it will die. Also it depends on how much you want to be with this person, caus with a lot of communication th avoidant will start feeling safe.

@zion367 Ай бұрын

Enabling people in their avoidant behaviour is not love. Also... I think a secure person would not be bothered too much because they know it has nothing to do with them personally. They would however express boundaries in regards to stonewalling and most likely call it quits.

@ktefccre 2 ай бұрын

😿👍 thanks

@blondescorpion8940 2 ай бұрын

@5:00

@purydango Ай бұрын

Are there things, i could interpret from here for bpd?

@smokingcrab2290 14 күн бұрын

What happens when all of your emotions with the avoidant are purely dismissed? How do you expect someone who avoids all discomfort to even give you a single ounce of care?

@alainmona268 Ай бұрын

I became an avoidant partner from the stress and pressure my significant other has put on me from her intense narcissistic tendencies. Now, I’ve digressed into this stonewalling, running away, not communicating, and reclusive turtle creature that doesn’t even recognize how I got here..

@Nyumc99 Ай бұрын

Love your content beautiful person. If you are able to, please consider adjusting your vocal fry. This can be done with tech or breath work. Love your content xxxx

@user-tz1hl3pf2w 2 ай бұрын

What if they’re being somewhat unresponsive bc of intimacy that occurred almost 3 weeks ago? Would it affect them that long? Do the same scripts apply? And/or they’re feeling vulnerable bc of a comment that shows they care?

@Seraphina93 2 ай бұрын

Humor worked weirdly often for me My current DA was angry at me for 5~weeks because I called his (big) hands „small“. I eventually just, when he was angry about it and told me I had small hands „this really hurt u huh?“ in a cheeky way. It worked