Should men and women be jealous of each other in the dating market? www.patreon.com/posts/patreon-should-72044748

“Submissiveness” in this context is really about her looking up to you and leaning into you, if that makes sense. It’s about warmth and affection and most of all, respect and admiration. Even most modern women basically describe this exact dynamic as something they like, and most say they prefer it when the man takes charge, especially in the context of logistics and planning.

Men want their partner to look up to them. That means they tend to defer, but are also free to express themselves properly. In turn, a good man will ensure he listens to what is truly important to their partner and be proactive about taking care of them. This requires both partners to be mentally healthy ( the big issue with most relationships ).

Even if you can make her 100% happy there is still an 70% chance of her leaving you,. YOU can not make her happy if she cannot make herself happy... if she doesn't know happiness then giving her any is a fleeting moment at best.

Okay, a guy can talk to his gf and hear everything that she says she wants, but what she says vs what she does/wants are totally different things

My ex had this uncontrollable anger where every time there was a disagreement, she would escalate to saying the cruelest things imaginable and ending the relationship. Eventually I figured out that it didn't matter how patient, calm, empathetic, resilient, rational, etc...I was, she was going to escalate no matter what I did. If I walked away to try and let her settle down, she would come after me and start mocking me or getting right in my face and saying something like, _"What are you gonna do? Hit me!? I know you want to. Of course you do, I always knew you were a wom@n beater!"_ Like a naive dipsh!t, I totally fell for her tricks and treated her as kindly as I possibly could to prove that I wasn't the terrible person she said I was. I basically sacrificed myself entirely trying to make her happy while the only thing I asked for was that she treat me as well as she would a stranger. The relationship ended with her ghosting me after two years by secretly making making a false allegation, getting a restraining order, and lying about me to anyone who would listen-all because she wanted to date someone else but couldn't bear the thought of me being happy with another person. It was like being in an episode of _The Twilight Zone._ Until experiencing the whole thing for myself, I never would've imagined such cruelty existed or that the legal system was so incredibly biased.

The sad part is that most of the women who insist on being a "team", or otherwise get offended at the thought of being submissive, still defer the burden of performance onto the man. Men are stuck with all the expectations & gender roles, yet miss out on most of the benefits that would've came with it in the past.

This is why women often "drop hints" and communicate in indirect ways. They are kinda steering you away from decisions they don't like or offering constructive criticism. We often don't like this because between men we just say it directly because there is no leader there. By doing it indirectly, especially in public, she is steering you away from a decision without undermining your position or making you look weak, much like how people might do with their boss. And by heeding those criticisms or warnings you are able to make a decision she finds acceptable without creating division and making it look like you are not on the same page. She also doesn't have to look domineering or masculine.

Agreed 100%. Thank you for keeping these topics on the table. Only being 26 I've sadly seen so many relationships and marriages, where either side has been under the boot (men in large margins). Somewhat experienced myself. But when I did hold my stance, my ex didn't like that and eventually left me. Just because I didn't let her be the dominating one in our relationship.

In psychology this is the trait Agreeableness.

well consider the alternative - the female being dominant. few men want that, and very few females want that either.

Thank you for shining ligth on why we shouldn’t rush to get into a romantic relationship. Relationships come with a fair amount of responsibilities that if you are not prepared for, you will pay the consequences. Make sure you have your own life before you start to depend on a relationship to live life.

Thank you. You touched on a lot of things here. Most women, hell most people, don't understand the BURDEN of leadership. The military teaches leadership and the misconception most people think is that if you are the leader, your needs come first, but that's not how it works! The mission comes first, then the team, then you. When I took leadership courses in the military I hated taking my turn as the boss. All the responsibly is on me, every F’up no matter by who is YOUR F’up. Every breakdown is YOUR failure. The equipment would be prepared, the ops order was issued, we reviewed and rehearsed the plan, and then you would let your team sleep while you reviewed everything and tried to anticipate the problems you would face in the execution of the plan. Watching the guys sleep as you did the final equipment check prepared me to be a good husband and father. Women, often who grew up without any accountability at all, see leadership as a chance to take it easy, let others do the unpleasant task, while I relax. I see it all the time. A leader like that in the military would face terrible repercussions (you can’t train people that violence is the solution to the problem, then not expect them to use it to resolve their own problems) I put my families needs before my own. I take the difficult task, because I need to know it wasn’t half-assed. Leadership is a burden, not a reward. Women are conditioned to see it the other way around.

Impossible if she lacks the capacity to be grateful for the leadership and effort you provide.

Wow! Extremely well said Alexander! I couldn't agree more with everything you said here about this exact topic! You really NEED to be seen and heard and appreciated by more people, both men AND women alike! You should even have your own TV talk show or something like that, where you could be even MORE helpful to the societal masses, because as always, your explanations of things in your KZfaq videos is/are the very BEST clarification of pretty much any topic, of ANYONE I've ever heard or seen anywhere, whether it be on YT, radio, TV, magazines, or books! Keep up the great work man!

It is effortless to submit to a man when you respect and admire him. He can lead the relationship and a woman can lean into her femininity knowing he will make the decisions that align with shared purpose.

Great video Alex! So well articulated about the masculine/feminine dynamic. And how we can shine. It felt so nice to hear. xx

No my kindness, holding back, patience and agreeableness was treated as weakness by my ex-wife. It never crossed her mind that I was being kind in all this, to her specifically. Now I don't care anymore and she is no longer my responsibility anymore.

You hit upon key points here, Men do tend to modify their behavior to be soft when they are around girlfriends. Ladies should return in kind some softness and femininity. They definitely should not be hostile (just because they think they can) or assume that a Man is too soft. This is the only way for relationships to be harmonious and stable long term. Gentlemen need to screen out those who abuse, play and endanger relationships.

"...has to step up" No, no, no. If the man can't or won't step up then the relationship should end. Period. He won't have the opportunity to learn and she'll likely never return the power. The trust is broken. If the sargeant can't make the lieutenant look good, it's over. But that arrangement needs to be understood upfront. Before they ever even go on a second date. Good luck to both parties finding that sort of clarity.

Finally understood why so many high position leaders stress how family and wife make them grow. I was a very feminine equal rights husband and it backfired in horrible ways. I was a wrong example to my kids and it's time for me to grow as a man, find a competent and kind that I could be a real man to.

My girl can spend 10 vminutes choosing whether she wants to buy a thing or not :) Sometimes I let her take her time just for fun of discussing all that, but other times just decide for her even if it doesn't concern me at all.

All your content is good, but this is definitely one of your better efforts, well done.

Outstanding message! The distinction that you use to describe submissive behavior is actually different than what the simple minded definition might seem like. It takes into consideration the partner's thoughts and ultimately the man leads with a plan for that moment, that day, or for their future together. It's not an autocratic method where the man is simply deciding everything, it's actually a collaboration. The kindness, the pleasant behavior, the nurturing, is the submissive part that the woman gets to enjoy. It's actually a very attractive, ambient, environment to be in with your female partner. The man is stepping up and planning instead of simply being indifferent to the things that need to be organized. Men should be presenting themselves in a leadership role. But regularly communicating the needs of what should be decided through discussion and then executed or implemented by the male. I like this very much. No apologies for masculine behavior that's of this sort which includes consideration and respect for her . And no shame for the feminine behavior by virtue of her kindness and respect for him. In my own current relationship I find this is working very well for us. She is a strong independent business woman but loves my masculine confidence to make decisions, to plan things, to ask questions, etc. It's a big turn on for her.

Thank you for explaining what true submission is.

My girl is the silent submissive type. But she communicates all her needs to me when we are alone all the time I constantly mould the world to suit her needs

A woman should only be submissive to her HUSBAND, not random men or boyfriends. If he hasn't made legal commitment, then why should she submit?

why does it sound like having a gf is so much additional work :D

This guy is spitting facts. In a 50 year marriage (say from age 30 years old to 80 years old) you do not want a masculine 304 who is always arguing, moaning, complaining and disagreeable. Your life will be hell. Also, this type of women will clean you out in divorce. I lost 70% of my money/assets in divorce.

Outstandingly presented - great work!

I have learned quite a bit from this video! Thanks!

Oh Alexander, music to my ears. You and Jennifer Moleski…. Preach.

I love how you described it.

Great video as always Alex 👍🏾👍🏾

Hey Alexander, I really like the style and effect you have visually in these videos. How do you do it?

Yep. I've known for a while that this what I want in a relationship: a strong male leader, that would take my happiness and needs into consideration. It's just sexy to see a guy do that.

One of your best Alexander!

Best take on his topic. Get this message out there.

A great explanation of this subject.

Although I agree that both sexes should fall into their positions naturally I do feel to an extent it shouldn’t always be the man’s role to benefit both parties, the woman should always bring something that shows her dedication and appreciation of the relationship. Maybe I’m bothered with the wording but it sounds like femininity described in the video is just literally laying back and reeking the benefits of masculinity. Although I see how that makes sense, it just sounds like I’m working for the sake of my partners approval, which just sounds super one sided. I want a partnership, a teammate of sorts, not just someone laying back and watching me do this and that and saying thank you. Both sides need to put their opinions and feelings in a decision equally, why should I be tasked to completely do that by myself without her input? I get that’s my masculine role, but that sounds like I’m her servant not her partner, teammate, or her equal in some ways. I want to lead in my relationship, but I don’t want to lead someone that just stands by me for my accomplishments instead of adding on to them. It gives me this perception that it’s expected of me to always succeed and if I don’t it will lead to instability. I want her to make me feel like I’m of value despite my accomplishments. I want her to value me by the way I make her feel emotionally and how I show that I’m someone to love. I will lose, I will succeed, but by staying by me and by being there in both situations motivating me, giving advice, showing love to me would show me we’re doing this together. This isn’t just me doing this and you staying back looking pretty, I want a partner not a idle beneficiary.

I want my GF to be an assertive justifier. Not a passive/compliant "slave" and definitely not an aggressively rebellious autocrat with no sense of loyalty other than to herself.

Awesome point of view

Another insightful video 💎💎💎

That I should be kind & compassionate towards men has always been really obvious to me - I think it's part of being a decent human being, really - but the leadership aspect has been really difficult concept for me to grasp. A while back I was discussing about relationships with my two close friends & both of them said that making big decisions made them feel really anxious, which is why they want the man to be the one making those decision. My jaw dropped - this was completely foreign way of thinking for me! I hadn't prior to that understood how masculine woman I am in that regard.

Top upload Alex!👍👍

Right on the target!!

For me it's more of a balance... a fair exchange of mutual submission. Mens role at it's base is protector and provider that is a submission in it's own right therefore it should be met in kind.

And they will if they respect you. Only a broken girl would never for submit for anyone

One thing that's missing as the next step on this topic is female appreciation. Alexander is right in that men need to be capable enough to be able to lead. But his description as "step 2 is women now happy" is an oversimplification and not a forgone conclusion. There are a ton of reasons why a women would not be satisfied or become unsatisfied in time regardless of a men's efforts. This is where the reciprocal duties of the woman are to stay grounded and conscious of all the difficulties that have been removed from her life due to a man's efforts. And especially not move her new baseline normal to a higher standard of expectations where happiness requires more and more on the man's part to be achieved.

Great Vid... thank you.

I have always looked for a woman who was cooperative and not confrontational or controlling.

Spot on as usual

Working on yourself is against the approved narrative.

Sounds great to me but doubt it will ever sell.

wisest explanation. thanks

The best way to draw out a woman's submissiveness is to increase your own dominance. In my experience, the more dominant you behave towards a woman, the more submissive she will become. Women only like to be dominant when it is easy and carries few consequences, but when you make it clear you will end the relationship if she refuses to be submissive, she will quickly learn how to behave. One of the most dominant behaviours that a man can use without resorting to violence is make it very clear you can easily walk away and replace your woman if she refuses to respect your boundaries. Behaving submissively towards a woman in any way is a sure fire way to destroy your relationship, so learn to break any bad habits you have and start making new ones where you call the shots and she either accepts or leaves.

This sounds very much like 1st Corinthians: "Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands. Husbands, love your husbands as your own body."

10:45 Amen, brother.

The majority of my longterm relationships were abusive. There softer / more agreeable I was the harder they came at me. Most have reached out at some point to even apologise. A failed "shti-test" is not an option and many women (I think) take that as an indication to exploit their perceived power and authority. So....yes....submission. It's a good thing.

5⭐️ video!

For some of us, it's a simple matter not wanting a competition or war when we get home. Greatly preferable to have peace, at least most of the time, as it's unreasonable to never have any conflicts ever.

It would be nice to see some talk about free love and arranged marriages, pros, cons, etc

being led, flexible, accommodating, trusting that he has her needs and preferences razor sharply identified. She trusts him. She will act on his suggestion and recommendation of her own free will and submit to his leadership...if and only if he _IS_ a leader, only if _HE KNOWS_ her deeply, only then can he package experiences that fit her well. And she will love him for it, because he simplifies her life while making it enjoyable. That is functional, healthy submission.

yep

This is why it is important for women to vet a man properly before starting a committed relationship with him, let alone jumping into bed with him. If he takes the lead, he has to be smart, wise, competent and have both your interests at heart. That way, a woman can feel safe with the man making important decisions for both of them. Ladies, don't waste your time and youth on the "you're in bed with me by the 3rd date, or it's over!" pick-up artist bunch. That said, if you happen to find that masculine but gentle (towards you), intelligent man who genuinely wants what's best for both in your couple, hold on to him. Don't just take and take. Do everything to make him feel as comfortable in the relationship as he makes you feel 😉

I will argue that certain topics are dependent on who the leader is. If its an emotional situation, the woman would most likely be the better leader. If its entirely logical, I believe that a man would be more suited to handle that. It all depends on the topic and the situation. And that can be extremely tricky sometimes as well.

All this is covered in old movies. Women used to use a kind of soft power. It wasn’t cooking and cleaning it was things like, “you said you have a new boss, would you like me to invite him to a barbecue”? You said a driver at work was hurt, would you like me to send a card to his family” “have you seen all the leaves in the gutters? I don’t want you or me climbing a ladder let me get some quotes” honey I’m looking here do you think we made a wrong turn? Do you feel we are correct? I noticed our doughier is sad I bet she could use one of your great dad talk”

I wish I knew how to stop holding back. I trained myself so much to hold back while growing up and now I can't stop

I honestly would prefer my girlfriend to be the dominant one even though I’m straight. I have no problem with ppl who prefer traditional relationships though.

Kneeling before you is the best start and end.

Very good explanations! Amazing video once again.

Alexander Grace, you're Fing fantástic communicator.

Have you checked out Tim Gordon? His latest book, and his wife's book, are both on this topic. He's Catholic and obviously this is the basis of his reasoning, but it also covers much of what you are talking

:DD

I see the same this topic. Im submissive in romantic relationships (many people consider this as weird).

Everyone knows most people do not like the word submissive. It conjures up bad things in their mind. Dunno why people don't just use the word co-operative instead.

There should be a rule/law: No attempts to form relationships allowed until each member of a partnership/union has internalized their own particular locus of control.

True! ❤

If you listen at all to Better Bachelor's Joker you will on occasion hear him talk about doing "everything" for his former partner(s). That's exactly the kind of 'smothering overkill' that can land you in divorce court IMho. What about leaving space-time for her to do for herself? What about taking a hard look at over-scheduled lives where you are not constantly doing for others? What about re-prioritizing and scheduling time to be with yourself and remind yourself on a regular basis who you were and now are and what is important to you? And, what about insisting your partner do the same so neither of you forgets why or how you got together in the first place.

Truth!

Except the last part where you say "she'll fire" this message is agreeable.

maybe better word is following not submissive? in pair dance there is no submissiveness its following and leading. And if follower dont want to follow for exact move, you combine another move

Another great video Alexander :)

Just don't spoil them too much, eventually they will disrespect you. If she doesn't bring anything to the table to show some empathy with a man, then learn to walk away from the relationship if it doesn't benefit your life and hers together. There are types of women in this world to watch out for that are red flags. Respect comes first before love.

your definition of the word "submissive" is quite different from the dictionaries: "ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive", "allowing yourself to be controlled by other people". What you are describing is kindness, politeness, softness of speech and manners. Changing definitions of words leads to all sorts of unnecessary misunderstandings...

This is just Biblical. People nowadays dont understand any kind of authority. Your boss is supposed to listen to you. You are supposed to let them know your needs. Ask the questions, go to the meetings, communicate, ask for raises. This only works when both are doing their job. Now we have bs like quite quitting. That is similar to how we treat relationships. I uses to be in a relationship with a man that wasn't masculine whatsoever. I was angry because I had to take up that role if I wanted to stay in the relationship. Spoilers, I wasn't good at it. I had to leave because both of our roles sparked hideous results. Now I am married to a man that knows how to be a man. And I'm working on learning how to be a woman again.

One of your best videos! Sad, if I share this on Facebook I'll be at risk to loose my job. Mad world we are living 😕

Women need to be in control of their emotions. I’m not going to live my life with the sole purpose of making someone else happy.

A feminine, submissive woman is actually so lovely that you wouldn't ever even want to abuse her, but do everything for her. Now these obnoxious "dominating" feminists on the other hand...

So im gonna steal a bit from JP. I think that both parties in a relationship should submit themselves to THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF. Not the other person. Its something above both of you, that should guide you forward with each other.

sounds cool and stuff but what's in it for me? Who takes my stress away? When do I (as a man) get a break?

I think describing it as being "diplomatic" rather than "submissive" would be a better and more compatible way of describing this sort of relationship.

Ok what you defined as submissive is what I actually want. I crave.

Think this definition of submissiveness is more about the man being a leader. Almost depressing to say but standards kept lowering the more I dated. Had women trying to control me before I even saw them in person. Have a decent partner now, as I do behave and act as the lead in the relationship. A woman that is willing to be peaceful with her man and do things to keep him happy is more of a "submissive" role. Men, do yourselves favors and up your own standards. Once you are high quality, you will attract more of the high quality women out there. Once you are of high quality also get with high quality.

Submission is sacrificing. I don't consider femininity sacrificing. Affection and intimacy are not either. I want those, as well as cooperation and respect.

Still din;t get what is the benefit for men to be in relationship if anyway you are being used for their own purposes

When I hear this. All I think is that the average man should be way more laid back towards women. The women have to be the ones trying to turn us into the BF, not the man trying to get her to be the GF. No cohabbing/bio kids/marriage with a woman until a man is over age 27 and has been with the woman 3 yrs. It starts over when the man has a new girl. If she wants marriage and all the jazz. There has to be marriage classes and discussion of prenups. If it does not work. Both parties walk away unscathed so to speak.

"Most peolpe suck" This is very true.

As a Christian woman, we are told in the Bible by Jesus (God) to be submissive to our husbands. I'm also African and my boyfriend is religious and African too. African women are very traditional. We're taught not just from our religion but culture, to be homemakers. Cook well, clean the home, look after the children etc We are very old fashioned in our ways as women. There are African women who are powerful and successful in life. But if they're married, when they come home their husbands are the head of the house after God. And these successful powerful women behave like traditional old fashioned housewives even though it's modern times. The men love this. We're taught by religion and culture to be kind, respectful and humble in everything we do. And this behaviour applies to everyone not just to our husbands. When we're dating and I do this, it's an opportunity to give our boyfriends a taste just a taste of what good wives we'd be to them. My father always said "If you want a husband, behave like a wife" . My mother expected me to behave in a respectful feminine way. Jesus expects Christian women to behave in ways he's taught us. I live in the UK and so does my boyfriend. We're Africans and I like to show what a typical African woman I am. We don't live together for religious reasons and because we live in different towns. Nor do we have sex. But I'm giving him a taste of how I'd be as a wife. I try to cook meals for him that he likes when we spend time together. I want to show of my cooking skills because African men love women who can cook well. I do his laundry. Tidy up his flat/apartment, listen to his problems and offer support, I'm respectful and kind to him and his family. And I shower him with love and attention. I respect as the male, he wants to lead in the relationship and I let him. Basically I want a husband so I know if I show off my skills as a potential wife, he'll be interested. And it's working. African people in general are deeply religious and into their culture. This living in a western country, is amazing to western men. They see African women behaving in traditional ways and their immediately in love. What attracted my boyfriend to me is simply behaving like an African woman. He's African and has been taught and has seen that African women behave in an old fashioned way with their men. Yes! I've been told I'm attractive by men, but my boyfriend saw that AND my traditional values and religious beliefs, and fell in love. I'm thankful to be a Christian and an African.

the girl im seeing literally said, she is very submissive; to the fact that she cant choose