i didn't realise i was a perfectionist until i learnt that it is someone who thinks things are never enough. i thought everything just had to be perfect, then i realised nothing is ever perfect to my standards. i began to apply the rule of materiality (an accounting term) to my work: what is material/what actually matters to the task at hand. this retraining was perfect to helping me let go of what is enough! all part of learning to love myself.

Weirdly, I do not have a lot of judgement for most people. I admire their confidence even if I don't their art/performance/work etc. is 'upto par'. And ofcourse I am in awe of some people. I find everybody else amazing, but myself. I find beauty in everybody else, but I NEED TO BE PERFECT. I want to reprogramme myself. This has been a journey

I have found that empathizing with my inner child, letting them have a voice, did the same thing. The trick was to find my inner child; they like to hide and snipe from under cover. And, to be fair, I think I picked that tip up from this channel, so thanks!

Hi, Hazel! I loved this video and the topic and solution you presented: learning to accept others teaches you how to better accept yourself. I think it is true in many ways, I know it is to me. Though, I would like to say the leap from accepting others to accepting myself hasn’t been automatic in my personal experience. I found that I tended to excuse a lot of behaviors from others, even when they were harmful to me, while still beating myself up for every perceived mistake or shortcoming on my part, even when harmful to no one. As a perfectionist (or a striver), it has been paralyzing for many years. It has always been easy for me to find redeeming qualities and things to love in others, that ability did not quite translate into doing the same for myself. It was only once I started having the courage to express disapproval about the actions and behaviors of others that I was able to extend acceptance for myself. Maybe the “excusing” of others was a roundabout way to hope they’d do the same for me, when I myself couldn’t. Once I started holding others accountable, my own mistakes stopped seeming soul crushing. If they can survive being held accountable for their shortcomings, then so can I. My mistakes don’t have to mean I’m unlovable if I can recognize flaws in others and love them anyways. But also: believing I have inherent value as a human with my flaws means protecting myself from the flaws of others when they can harm me. Maybe it’s about finding the difference between accepting, in a broad sense, and, as the philosophers would say, putting up with people’s bullshit? 😅 I don’t know. It would be nice to hear you talk more about that if you’re up to it. Thank you for the video!

As a person who is a first-drive Striver and a second-drive Carer, this advice is awesome! I feel that it can help me make good use of my Carer tendencies (which manifest as a need for making others feel good) to soothe my Striver side using forgiveness, rather than fomenting it.

Holy moly! I was just talking to a friend yesterday about how a person triggered me years ago. Turns out he just gave off the same energy as my stepfather and how I was going to look at working through these triggers.

I thought I'd got my perfectionism under control, but it still rears its ugly head from time to time. I hadn't thought of it as being the opposite of empathy. I'm kind to other people, just not myself. Thank you!

Great advice, empathy is often a very good solution in the labyrinth of human relationships we more commonly call, Life, indeed!

Well done! Succinctly articulated a pathway inner dialogue to inner peace I've been practicing and I didn't realize how/when I've been projecting.

I just love mullets.

Ty for helping people❤

Thank you for this ❤

Turn the other cheek for others to love yourself. Don't accept the poison. Have compassion for the trapped individual. What we give is what we receive.

I already practice this form of discipline. In short, it's called being humble, not judgmental. But when you share a perceived view with individuals who are in this perfectionist like mindset they get outraged, it use to be funny but now it's just sad. It's makes people almost impossible to talk to, and also makes it to where you're taking to rocks, I meant boulders, I mean a brick wall. After a while you start to see key values the individual operate with. Like for instance someone I know, extremely competitive, wants to be the best, anything that's said beyond "their" views of acceptance makes them angry in response. Then they point the finger and blame you just for saying. "Couldn't really hear this on that part" saying it's my end. That's projection in a sense, but it's not projection at the same time. It's just a true blueprint or outline of what I have to deal with. It's best to move on from such relations, but only those who give up do such. The relation will stay the same on my behalf. I'm just trying to Crack this dude, because I love him. "As a friend, as family" but I will Crack this dude. I can already see the cracks forming. I just have to hit him with a big enough Crack in the nads "metaphor" to humble this man. In other terms God simplex, man thinks he's a God. It's interesting learning psychological aspects of individuals that you would only notice in specific perceptive views. I wrote all this for 1 reason. Try it. 😅

Perfect timing

What I said YES to all of those questions😵‍💫🤣😭🤦🏻‍♀️

Is compassion, empathy, and acceptance something other than the perfect way to deal with self criticism? Could the self critical person really be dealing with a misconception about how to measure perfection? An ever moving excellences vs an unreachable distance? Asking for a friend.

please make a video on autism

2nd, this is me by the way

What's that on your t-shirt there? 'Feminism!' Just like that, or is it more to it?

Where's a good place to start to deal with extremely blunt criticism? Think like Gordon Ramsay or is that more of a boundary thing and responding with NVC?

No. That's a toxic mindset and enabling. We should always strive to be better. We'll never be perfect; however, things like arrogance and pride aren't something we should just accept since it has consequences. Self-control is always a must

Booo. I love my inner critic. It's my superpower. You only have to know how to use it. It's there for a reason.